So next year I actually plan to Cosplay.
I'm going to try to go as my favorite stud of a mercenary Wolf O'donnell.
My friend is going to be making the suit for me (I'm going to help of course)... but she's never made a fur suit(neither have I) before so I'm a little worried. She gave me quite an extensive amount of materials to find. But I'm posting this to ask for help. If you or if you know anyone that has experience in actually making the suit tell me about them PLEASE so I can get some advice or get recommendations for materials.

Well back to looking for ref pics. Please consider helping me. I want to have a blast on my next Otakon!

So I've never had anyone be jealous of me before from what I was aware of. Now he hates me a little more than he used to.

To sum things I developed an emotional attachment to one of my coworkers ex-girlfriend who also works with me. She is just as sad and depressed as me if not more. But I feel like we could help each other get past that and be happy. Right now it's nothing serious just hugs and me causally flirting.

Her parents don't let her do much about anything. She even goes as far to say she hates her dad. She says she doesn't know how she feels about me, and that's fine.

She decided that I'm her puppy. So in "revenge" she is my Kitty Cat. I'm not sure how far this will go but, I will just have to see.

This is going to be told in a first person narrative because I just feel like it.

As I left my parents house in the middle of doing laundry, I glanced at my phone. The time read 1:35. "I really hope I remembered the right time for two o'clock and that it wasn't at one instead." I said I hoped in the car. The drive there was filled with thoughts of how this test would affect my life. I pulled into the parking lot of my old and possibly still current school. I had to admit I was really nervous about this. But I took a deep breath and made my way into the building.
I entered the main office and searched the room for a secretary. I didn't just want to waltz right through the office. I spotted one that was trying to open a large cardboard box big enough to hold a person. She looked up from here work and registered my presence. "Hi I'm here to take my test." I say the nervousness present in my voice.
She simply directs me towards the Guidance office. As I approach the woman at the desk she addresses me first. "Hey Steve ready for your test."
I resits the urge to tell her not call me Steve and simply reply with "I guess". I prep my pencil as she sits my test on a table. I go through the test and curse under my breath as I can't remember how two minor characters felt about a hanging from a story I read two weeks ago.
I finish the test and return it to her. She has me take a seat as she grades. I glance at the clock and saw that it had taken me half an hour to take that small of a test. I glance over at the bulletin board. most of it is empty since it is summer but a few motivational posters are still up along with personal photos. I sit and wait and wonder how I did on the test. I feel my self swaying side to side in rhythm to the clock. Eventually I get boarded of that just glare at the clock almost as if it would stop the infernal ticking. I try my best to not let out a growl of impatience as she continues to grade my test.
Finally she finishes. I look from my seat and await the verdict. "Well you didn't do so well on the test Steven." I could have sworn my heart stopped for a second as I listened to her words. "But you scored high enough on the packet that the combined grade let's you pass. Congratulations."
I release the breath I never knew I was holding and let my head rest on the wall behind me. I had did it. She took me to the principle's office where I was presented with my diploma. Again I found myself resisting the urge to not angrily tell the principle to not call me Stevie. Seriously why can no one just call me Steven.
As I exited the building I refrained myself from letting out a loud WoHoo and simply walked to my car with a smile and my head held high.

To those that actually read the whole thing TOAST FOR YOU.
To those that just skipped to the end SHAME ON YOU FOR BEING LAZY.

So Yeah just got finished with my nine hour shift while being the only closer for that night!

This is what eight other people had to do:Grill area cleaning, front counter stocking, grill area stocking.

What my manager had to do: count draws, lobby trash, bathroom trash.

What I had help with.:Dishes

this is what I had to do, by myself.: lobby cleaning, bathroom cleaning(both of them), drink station stocking, drink station cleaning, back room cleaning, break room cleaning, stock room cleaning, front counter stocking(they didn't do a good job), cleaning out the floor drain.

I also had the liberty of cleaning a three by two inch pile of ketchup because someone thought it would be funny to waste Ketchup so one of us would have to clean it up.

I'm so pissed that I'm always the one that has to pick up all the slack in that store. I better find a different job soon.

So back from Otakon and I have to say I'm disappointed in my self. I did almost nothing but shop for three days. I sill had fun I just wish I had done more. While I was down there I expressed my gay and furry pride for the first time. I felt like a completely different person. It was exhilarating... until a guy I don't know how much older than me started checking me out and my friend had to point it out to me * shudders*. But I did manage to meet  LadyAiden on the Saturday night rave and I got  Corvuspointer to sign a print I bought from him. I defiantly plan on doing more than shop next year and maybe I'll meet some more people from here on FA. I'll post some pictures up, as soon as my friends email them to me because I forgot my camera and I don't own a phone with a good camera.

On a school note I heard back from the credit recovery program I passed my packet. Now I just have to pass the test next weak and I will have officially graduated.

I'll also be seeing my family for the first time since I failed. I chose not to visit because I felt like I couldn't hold my head high until I got through this "dilemma". Wish me luck everyone.

I'm going to be going to Baltimore this weekend to be at my first Otakon. I'll be in the same state as Torchbut  Charkonian XD. My friend is throwing together a last second costume for me. I almost dread to see it. I really can't complain because I get to go for FREE! Someone balied at the last second and I get their ticket! I have no idea what I'm going to do there. My friend wants to take me to do Karaoke, but I have such terrible stage fright that I doubt I could sing my best. Plus I only know the Fandub of Paper moon by geekyfandbuds.

On a school related note I sent off my credit recovery packet now I just have to wait for the results and if I pass I get to take the test, then if I pass that, I can get my diploma... I'm so nervous.

Well my new Roommate just moved in. It's someone I know from work. I have no idea how this is going to turn out but lets hope it ends well.

So I guess to start off I'm going to say that... I failed. I won't be crossing stage with the rest of my friends. I will still get my diploma if I complete the correspondence packet, but when I told my dad the sound of disappointment in his voice over the phone... It nearly killed me.

Today marked my true "first" day at my new apartment and my new life. And with this new life I've decided to keep a journal or a diary, whichever you want to call it, as I search for what I want to live for. With it, I hope to motivate myself more and to be able to reflect upon this new path whenever I want. Heh heh originally I thought about using these journals as my everyday journals but I thought that would be kinda weird.

With that aside I've thought more about my 'crush' from my poem "Is This Love?". I know that love is a strong word and I know that I don't love him, but more I have a affection for him and I mostly want to be his friend. I haven't heard from him in a few weeks, I wonder if he read it and assumed it was about him and now won't talk to me. I really hope that is not the case, but if it is... I guess there isn't to much I can do about it.

That's all I have for now but I want to end on a question. Do you guys think I reveal to much about my personal feelings on here?

The person who was supposed to move in with me so I could actually afford my apartment bailed on me, but for a legitimate reason so I'm not mad at them, but that doesn't change the fact I'm screwed. I need to find a new roommate and fast. If you or someone you know is looking for an apartment and lives around Harrisburg, Pennsylvania please tell them or me.

So I finally decided to get off my ass and try to fix my depression, but...
The side effects are make most of my days brutal. Some times I'm keeled over from stomach pains.
Then there are times that I get so dizzy I almost fall over.

I hope when I see my doctor in the next couple of days I can get a new prescription that doesn't hurt so much.

Oh also my computer is being weird and I can't open any form of power point, documents, anything... figures and I was finally going to get back to writing. *sigh*

I suppose I have  charkonian to thank for this. Your last journal got me thinking. You went on about self realization and how you gained to wisdom to changed and accept... and I'm genuinely happy for you, but... It just makes me think...

there are so many people I know that are so far lost in the darkness, who can't find there way into the light. I know for a fact that I am one of them. I try so hard to try and push them, to try and get them out of the dark, yet I won't do anything to help myself.

Why is that I feel I need someone to push me, or have someone hold out their hand for me so I can get anywhere. Why can't I find to courage, strength, or whatever it is each of us call it and pick myself off up the ground and find what it is the makes me want to live.

The only thing in my life that I feel that I've chosen myself is that I want to go college and make video games. Then I go and do nothing about it.

God I'm such a idiot. I feel so lost, like part of me is missing and all I do is bitch and complain about it. Why is it I never do anything?!

I'm such a hypocrite I try to help others that feel lost... yet how can I help them when I can't even help myself.

I want to be someone that people can see... and not some shadow that just fades away.

... anway thanks for putting up with this I just had to get these thoughts out.

upcoming:
so a few things that are going on in my life.
First there is the Prom this weekend. I'm taking my best friend Kim.
Today I just signed the lease for my apartment and I'll be moving in after I graduate from high school. Then when Kim turns 18 she will move in with me.
For those of you wonder why I have an apartment already before I even graduated it is because it's cheap, they didn't require me to have a previous credit score, someone else was up to rent it, and plus my mom goes on a business trip right after I graduate so the two of us are going to be slowly moving my junk to the apartment in the next month.
I'm so not looking forward to being on my own but it was going to happen eventually.

what happened:
Not much has really happened except that my mom finally admitted that she doesn't like the fact that I'm gay and that she thinks it is wrong, but she will support me (whatever that means)
I've also been diagnosed with depression and possibly insomnia. Yeah I get to start taking pills again. And why is it that every time I talk to the councillor and my mom they have to use the words "your life style" just say because your gay I won't take offense to it. In fact I take more offense because they make it sound like it sound like it so wrong that they can't even say the word.

I have so much on my plate right now I haven't even looked at any of my writing recently and I really hate that... *sigh*

So I finally meet a guy (my age) that goes to my school and that I might like. I thought he was really cute and he seamed nice and I had my friend Kim ask him to tag along on our trip to the mall today so I could get to know him more. Yeah I found out that he is a ass. Why is it that every time I meet someone that I think I might like turn out to be either straight or completely appalling. His music, personality, speech, and his inability to take anything seriously. I tried... I really tried but no dice. He can stay in the friend zone for all I give.
I hope I meet someone that doesn't make me want to throw them out of the car somday.

So yesterday was my birthday and I just have to say... It sucked.
First the night before I couldn't fall asleep until three in the morning so I was tired the entire day. Then I slept through my second alarm so I woke up late so I was rushing to get out the door. Since I over slept I didn't have time to get breakfast at school so I was starving until lunch. In my rush to get out the door I forgot my gym clothes so I got a zero in the class that day. In my English class I have two test to make up. So my teacher said she would give me a pass to the class. Well my teacher is in charge of what is known as Lit lab during 9th period and one time I asked her for a pass she just told me to sign up on the lit lab sheet during my 9th period study hall so I don't ask her for passes anymore but she decided to give me one anyway. But she didn't give it to me so I figured she was waiting for the end of the period to give it. Half way through the period my teacher said she would give it to me at the end. So... since I had just been proven right to my self and since it was kinda of pointless because of lit lab I sounded like I didn't care when I said "Okay". Then she freaked out saying. "Fine I don't care I'll just give you zeroes" Me finding that unexpected and uncalled for from an 'adult' replied with a defensiveness "Excuses Me!" followed with her very angry "Excuses you!". Now I was even more upset and wanted answers for her attitude replied wit a "What the heck!" . Then she freaked out saying that she was just returning my attitude. At that point I just gave up saying there was "No point in arguing". The way I viewed I would have gotten in trouble if I kept arguing because somehow teachers and managers are 'never' wrong and as a student or a employee our opinions are pointless. Then after school I had half and hour to myself before I had to be at work. Then work was busy all night long. We got a bus with a base ball team who each person who ordered twice. Then we got a boy scout troop who showed up right after the bus. By the time we got the store cleaned and stocked it was one in the morning.

That was my birthday
PS: I work at McDonald's in case your wondering.