Last night I received the sad news that my best friend of six years Typhon (  typhonfox ) had peacefully passed away following his battle with cancer. I hope that everybody here wishes his family & friends their best wishes at this time.

Typhon & I befriended eachother in the summer of 2016 at a Brumfurs coffee meet. I was idly drawing minding my own business when I overheard a conversation regarding Peugeots. It was that initial spark that kickstarted a rich friendship that would span six years with not a sour word spoken. Typhon supported me through unemployment & loneliness & gave me a reason for being. He was kinder & more loving than words can describe. A wonderful person & the best friend I could ever ask for. I am honoured to have been his friend & I hope that he rests in peace.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k38dC3d9dFE

I have with no shadow of doubt offered the cheapest Motorfur art commissions on FA by some considerable margin yet despite that, I was hardly awash with enquiries hence why I closed. Well now I'm opening up again & now my prices start from $30 USD & topping at $60 USD

Due to lack of interest, I have decided to retire from commissions indefinitely.

I don't want to do this anymore, even with my own art, I have to really motivate myself to pick up my pencil & sadly, that motivation just isn't there anymore.

I'm sorry to anybody who wanted a commission off me but it's really difficult for me to make any kind of art knowing that the support & audience just isn't there. To be honest, I'm beginning to feel like an outsider in the fandom now. It's an American fandom for dog-type sonas with no place for individuals who want to express themselves, their interests or even what makes them happy.

My Somerville chapters is a prime example, started out as some art for pride month, using songs from Jimmy Somerville's career in Bronski Beat, Communards & would of gone on to his solo career to express that being gay or a part of the LGBTQ+ spectrum isn't all rainbows & flamboyance but also there are a wealth of lonely, oppressed individuals who need to be heard & understood but of course, that fell on deaf ears.

It also doesn't help that recently, I have been dragged into some Twitter drama & I'd rather not go too in-depth with what happened but long & short, a photo taken from a weekend with friends was used to support the viewpoint of a bigoted individual, an individual who I considered a friend beforehand but it turned out not to be the case. The whole ordeal turned a great weekend with friends where we put our differences at the door & just enjoyed ourselves to a sorry affair that soiled that great weekend, one that we sorely needed given the state of 2020.

I'm still single & alone & likely to remain for many years to come, again stemming from this fandom where sex & kinks are the sole motivations for relationships now. Not forgetting the minefield of the dating scene where it's not as simple as looking for a man anymore but understanding each sexuality & gender which I don't have a problem with (everybody deserves to be who they want or feel they should be) but it's difficult for myself, a gay man to find another gay man, when there are so many areas in between & understanding what those areas are is giving me severe brain ache. Even a friend who I've spend a couple of nights with told me that they were now demisexual & needed to know me better despite us being friends for two years. Where-as I respect their wishes, I can't help but feel a little hurt.

I'm lonely, demotivated, hurt & saddened by this fandom. Even disappointed in my local furry group (of which I helped in founding) in that even through Covid, they still didn't want to talk to eachother when other groups were holding virtual meets on Discord, my local friends were only content in sending the occasional message on Telegram. It disappoints me to know that I'm associated in a town-wide group of furries who just couldn't bring themselves to ask eachother if they're okay during this most difficult of years.

Am I leaving the Fandom? No, absolutely not. Am I quitting making art forever? Not at all. 2021 is going to be a better year & I still have projects in my line of sight including a Railfurs Youtube channel which I hope will become a modest success in the coming year.

Despite all the things that's made me feel disconnected from the community, I still intend to take part in it, even if I don't get the support, even if I'm forced to be single for the rest of my life, even if I get dragged into Furry Twitter drama because as far as I can see it, I'm not some yankie-doodle popufur with a copy/paste sona, I'm better than that & I'm not going to start letting the buggers grind me down.

Evidently I'm crap at art because, guess what, nobody's looking at it. I don't enjoy it anymore, I'm not having fun & nobody's commissioning me. I think you guys need to give me reasons why I should even bother anymore because quite frankly, I'm sick of putting in the effort only for nobody to look at it

Okay, so you guys don't want to pay for artwork from me & very few of you actually want to see it or comment on it. So, what do you want to see?

That's right, post in the comments of this journal & I will draw, no restrictions

I have recently decided to start offering artwork commissions again to help fund the restoration of my Talbot Alpine. As this is for a motoring cause, these commissions will be more of a motoring theme however I am open to other themes/settings that you may desire. I have three basic packages available.

GL (Grey Lux)- full custom scene featuring character (& vehicle if so desired) & custom background/setting in flat, digital render. £30 GBP / €30 Euro / $40 USD

GLS (Grey Lux Special)- Full custom scene featuring Character & Custom background/setting in full, digital render. £40 GBP / €40 Euro / $50 USD

GT (Grey Traditional)- Full Custom scene Featuring Character & Custom Background in traditional render (Pencil or water-colour). £50 GBP / €50 Euro / $60 USD

Optional Extras
Special lighting- night lighting for example, additional £5
Additional character(s) / Vehicle(s), additional £10

Commissions will be handled in slots of 10
If you are interested, send me a note with the subject 'Grey Commission' & send reference material relevant to the scene you want.
Once everything is agreed, a slot will be secured with a £10 deposit payable via PayPal.
If deposit is taken but work is not commenced within 28 days, then it shall be refunded.

I look forward to any custom, any questions then please Don't be afraid to comment or send a Note.

I have re-branded my Youtube channel & starting new content aimed more towards Railway Furs.

I have a series of Train Simulator 2018 Play-throughs called Grey's Trains where every week I'll play through a scenario whilst talking about whatever.

New episodes every Saturday at 1800 Hours (GMT). Suggestions always welcome

https://www.youtube.com/c/GreyTheFloydianSergal

Since the last journal, my live has been on so many ups & downs. I should stress at this point that I am not after pity or sympathy, I just figured that I'd better give an update on my life.

February 2017: I got myself an apprenticeship with a Volkswagen transporter specialist. I was over the moon & my family had never been so proud of me. Even the head chef at the hotel I worked at then was proud of what I had achieved. I was now managing two jobs quite comfortably & it was nice receiving a regular fixed income, not forgetting that I had managed to get into my dream job.

March 2017: I received my first payment of Housing benefit which greatly assisted in paying my rent. It was also that this point that my hotel stopped asking me in for shifts but that wasn't a big issue in the long run.

April 2017: This is when things started going downhill. My boss (Mario) at the garage stopped paying into my bank account & getting him to pay my wages was starting to become a battle. Later on that month, universal credit (the new "Improved" form of jobseeker's allowance) reared their heads &, despite the fact that I cancelled my claim, stated that I was still on their system. This was when I lost my housing benefit.

June 2017: Mario was putting me under pressure to get Fifi back on the road as I was borrowing a B4 Volkswagen Passat 1.9TDi which was bought for spares when the MOT ran out. I took her for an MOT & she failed on eight areas of corrosion & a wheel bearing. I was determined to get it done, however my colleagues convinced me that the car was not worth the work & I was not capable of doing the work. I begrudgingly agreed & put her on the market, only getting interest from a time waster who only wished to part with £200 for her. Further more, he requested video footage of the car running. Upon receiving the footage, he asked "Who owns the Volkswagen Combi in the video?". I ceased any further negotiations with him after that. On top of that, the Passat went pop in a major way so I had to borrow vehicles from the workshop in order to see friends & do my shopping

July 2017: I was mailed an eviction notice, I had a month to get out & Mario was still being infrequent with my wages. Things were getting pretty stressful by this point, made worse by the fact that Mario was threatening to give me the boot over such trivial things, including screwing a P-clip in upside-down. I had managed to cobble some money together & pay for a room in the house next door. My pal Typhon fox even gave me his old Bike so I could get around if I didn't have a vehicle. Things were now starting to pick up & that's when Mario told me he couldn't afford my wages & I was made redundant

This Month: So I'd managed to get out of one hole & land myself in another. There is some reprieve, my universal credit claim has FINALLY cancelled & I'm signing back onto housing benefit which should cover my rent until I get another job. I also managed to sell Fifi to a serious buyer who paid closer to the £400 value of the car & was very prompt with pick up, sending a friend to collect her on the evening of 16/08/2017. So now, here I am. Everything I've built up since I hit 19 has now come crashing down within a few weeks of my 23rd Birthday. I've now got no car & no job. I'm thankful to members of Brumfurs & to my family who have supported me through this time, even sending me money to help clear my bank overdraft. To everybody who's supported me through this emotional turmoil, thank you so much. Despite having money in my wallet though, I feel incredibly anxious. I'm eager to get working again, I'm worried about vegetating. When I was working, I could carry a VW T25 gearbox without too much strain, now I've noticed my very light bike getting heavier every day, this has raised my concerns for my fitness even higher.

That's it for this update. Again, many thanks to all my friends within the Furry community who have supported & helped me over the last few months. I'll try & get some art done in the next few weeks for you folks. Take care for now

I'm fed up of this. I have finally hit the wall, I can't draw anymore. I have no motivation or inspiration to carry on with my art. i come up with ideas only for them to be shattered. I only ever wanted to make original works to show what I could do, but I have fuck all views on the one thing I am good at. Car art. I want to do more motorfurs art & I've wanted to feature other characters for years now & I still haven't met anybody who would want to feature in a motoring based work. However I daren't make any more car art because I know it will take me a year to make 30 views on one piece. The views don't bother me too much, it's just I feel that people aren't enjoying what I do. I have directions to take my work, focusing more on satire with Grey's grumpy yet humourous outlook on life, whether it be dating, work, other furries or porn. I felt like that would be a good direction to take but after being inspired to start a 'Furry mechanics: Expectation Vs Reality' piece, that fell apart as quickly as I got pencil to paper & not for the first time either. If you looked in my sketchbooks, you'd see pages & pages of works that will never be finished because there just aren't people enjoying the work that I do feature.

Unlike other artists, I'm not asking for anything. I need to vent some steam or else I'd pull out all together. I've been focusing more on the lighting of my pieces, hence why I've uploaded three low-lit car pieces in relatively quick succession but I feel 'Lost in Vilous' was weak as an artwork. i tried to be humourous & I just wasn't & the scene itself was just weak. The lighting though looks great & experimenting with reflections was really worthwhile but I'm still not happy with what I put out & the views somewhat reflect that. I've had long spells between pieces because of this issue & I just want to tell you guys that I may or may not be throwing in the towel. I've asked for ideas from you lot three years ago & nothing. i ask you to communicate with me, tell me what I should feature & how to make my works stronger & nothing.

On that note, I'm not asking anything

Looking at my art, I'm finding that I have very little of Grey & my attempts to make comics seem to flop due to lack of motivation, leading to poor looking graphics. I want to do more humour based works but it's quickly become apparent that my humour & wit is wasted on a lot of you guys & I wouldn't want my 151 watchers to be disappointed. I want to do more car art but the more I look, the more I think I'm doing too much & there's very little I can do to bring something new to the party. Plus, it's never seemed to be that successful, I get good feedback but the views are appalling. Special assignment has been online for three months now & currently stuck on 73 views (seems the more effort that's put in equals minimum views).

I need you guys to communicate with me, what can I do to offer something new? I would like to offer artwork to folks for free but I'm fearing being swamped with requests & being unable to meet the demand of you guys. I don't want to disappoint but I'm completely out of ideas. After being in the fandom & making art for six years on the fifteenth this month practically non-stop, I am completely dried out

Christmas 2015 was big for me because I finally said goodbye to my old Samsung phone as my boyfriend had gone out & bought me a windows phone! New years has come around & I realised I can do things that I couldn't on my old phone so I started having a play. The more I played, the angrier I got!

1: Changing a ringtone
I fancied going back to my previous ring tones that I had on my old phone (League of Gentlemen theme for calls, stephen the lesbian for messages) & I thought it would be a straightforward operation, find the tracks, go into the little menu & tap the "set as..." option, like you do with an old phone. I however found that this operation was in fact impossible. I had to go on Google to find out what to do & it said I had to install software on my computer to convert the music before I can put it back in the phone & use it as a tone. I'm not fucking doing that! Shove that up your arse!

2: Vining
I have been interested in the idea of vining for a while & thought it would be good fun. The tutorial seemed simple enough. "Hold your finger on the screen to record, take it off to pause then put your finger back on the screen to continue recording". I however found that Vining is more complicated than I thought. I held it down on the screen, it recorded. I took it off to pause then put it back on to continue... only, it wouldn't. I was already feeling rather annoyed & thought "Okay, why not try doing it in one shot". It seemed to work & I ended up with a vine that was far less than I wanted but a vine none the less. I wanted to save it, at this moment, the app fucked off & brought me back to my phone's home screen.
I took a breath & summarised the situation
I thought viners were all simpletons because almost all of the generic, less than average intelligence people do it. I now believe they are secret geniuses who rather than engineering spacecraft & intelligent water filtration systems for third-world countries, spend all their time making six second videos for cheap laughs.
It was at this moment that I decided that I shouldn't enter the world of vining because I do not have the doctorate in applied bollocks that I need to work the fucking thing.

3: Omegle
I had a wee shot on Omegle before my webcam broke & rather enjoyed myself doing it. Talking to Americans who thought I was in a Harry Potter film & making (pretend) heterophobic rants at every bloke on screen. Even skipping every penis shot with the following statement "Fucking fanny bandits, you disgust me hetero scum!".
Now I have a phone with a camera on the front, I thought it might me worth seeing if there was an app. There Was! I gleefully downloaded it & fired it up. A couple of ads came up but I didn't mind. I was surprised to see a blank screen. I thought, "this isn't right" & tried to get to the main menu. Unfortunately, the button which had that power was covered over with an ad. I tried scrolling past it but it was at the very bottom of the page. I then thought "fuck this shit, i can't be bothered".

Three strikes, I'm out! I'm fucking done with technology. I'm going to pack my things, camp out in the forest & get as far away from this bullshit as possible. I'm not done yet though, oh no. Far from it, while I'm at it. Here are my thoughts on Vaping.

So back in November, I was in financial Dire straits & couldn't afford my usual £7 bag of tobacco so my dad paid £30 for me to have a Vapouriser. At first I rather enjoyed the convenience of having my nicotine fix indoors but then, my blood started to run cold.

1: How long do I go?
I was out with my dad & his Girlfriend's family & I fancied a vape. We were out at a restaurant that didn't allow vaping in the dining area so I had to go outside. I started puffing & thought "Hold on a minute, how much have I had? When do I stop?". As I'm sure people are aware, when you smoke a cigarette (or a fag as us Brits call them), they get smaller the longer you smoke them & you know when to finish because you're about to start smoking the filter. A vapouriser doesn't get smaller & the oil is supposed to last a few days per fill. This isn't good as when I'm at work, when I'm on the fags I smoke at 10AM, 1230PM & 3PM as those are allocated breaks but whilst on the Vapouriser I can smoke whenever I want for as long as I want which is neither good for me or my professional image.

2: I miss the inconveniences
I realised this one night when I was puffing away at the computer that thanks to the vapouriser, I no longer go outside for a smoke which means I never hear the owls or watch the stars, I just sit inside & vape continuously until I go to bed. Even when I'm in the car it's affected me as I can now get my nicotine fix without opening the window, which although sounds great as I'm not getting ash on my parcel shelf, means that I no longer have an excuse to open the window & take in the air.

3: I miss the paraphernalia
Before the vapouriser, I made rollups which meant I had a tub for storing tobacco at home, a small tin so I could take out a ration of tobacco to last the day, another tin to make my cigarettes, a police possessions plastic bag (from when I was pulled over two years ago, explanations later) full of filter tips & my Zippo that was gifted to me by My dad's last girlfriend who committed suicide in July. With a vapouriser I have the thing itself, a tank, a USB charger & a bottle of oil. There's no fiddle before I have a smoke which really depresses me, it's like when you use an old Typewriter compared to a computer keyboard. You're more involved & it feels great making something before having the satisfying reward of smoking it. I also miss lighting my fags with my zippo. I miss the distinctive metallic clicking as you close & open the lid. A vapouriser only has a button which lights up to show how much battery you have

4: Fags are sturdier
My vapouriser is only a couple of months old & already, the glass tank is sealed with tape because the bastard thing cracked & leaks all of its oil (that is fatal if consumed might I add) on my fingers & in my pocket. Cigarettes don't leak & there's less risk of consuming the tobacco inside.

So aye, my first rant of 2016. I am hating technology, I'm getting angry again & I'm trying my best to remain in my comfort zone where things work when you want them to & are simple & enjoyable to use

I've decided to become more active in the fandom & it struck me after a furmeet in Birmingham a month ago that we spent most of our time talking about notable American furries such as Uncle Kage & 2 the Ranting Griffon. It almost seems like British furries make no contribution to the community at all. Heck, even the Pawpet shows in Eurofurence are made by ze Germans. Is there anything we do in the UK that furries across the pond talk about at all? of course this is available to discussion so please, comment below & maybe we can start a movement... or just moan about why our country is so full of lazy fuckers

You might have gathered that I am a grumpy fucker. Right now I've reached the stage where nothing I do works so I've decided to jot them down here to get my anger out in the open so I can carry on existing

Why existing? Well it's hard to live with no money & no friends in reality. I barely struggle to exist & I just live the same monotony everyday. I wake up, go to college, come home do housework, go to bed & when there is no college, I get up, do housework, look for jobs then go to bed. I never go out & I never have fun

Family life is never fair. Can't afford the insurance on my car for this month & can't get help anywhere. On the other hand, my younger brother who's never paid his way is getting money to go hiking on the highest peaks in the UK. In fact, my brother has been to the Scottish open (major golf event), min-y-don, gone to see his old pals in Scotland for new years where-as for me, I've just been stuck at home forced to listen to my dad & his girlfriend spew out shite like "Gays are abusive to women". On top of that, my brother's even getting a motorbike & wont listen to any of my suggestions.

Jobs are fucking impossible. There are plenty of jobs down here in the West Midlands but I've never been called in for an interview even though I'm creative & very intensive with any job that comes my way.

College gets on my tits. Whenever I do my work, I feel proud until I look to the desk next to me, they've always done something better than me. Heck, even on here, I feel completely second-rate.

Being single is shite. I hate being single, you don't know how lonely you feel when you go out for a drive or go to college & see everybody snogging each other. Once every blue moon when I do go out to my local gay bar (which is hardly a gay bar since straight people wont stay in the shiteholes they find so appealing) any gay guy I find is always in a couple. Dating sites are rubbish, the only folk interested in me are fat, balding pensioners.

To cut a long story short, I'm bitter, lonely, broke, second-rate, talentless & have no hope of achieving any of my aspirations. I was hoping to buy a classic car to restore this year, something like a Citroen BX, Hillman Avenger or Ford Cortina but that's unlikely to happen. I also want to see my old pal Jasmine in Glasgow soon but that's not going to happen. I want to go to classic car shows but that's not happening either. Eventually I hope to go to America to meet some of my online pals but knowing my luck I'll end up stranded. I'll spend everyday sat at my computer, lonely, broke & wishing I had been born with an arse lined in diamonds like my brother.

I've seen a couple of journals from folk in the states with money worries, car problems & so on so I reckon I wont get any sympathies, not like I expect any, I'm just on the moan constantly.

So aye, there's my negative energies out in the open & I hope now I can improve myself by doing so

I am THE most unattractive arsehole this side of the galaxy. I am fed up of being single but no-one is interested in me.

people say "Always look on your positives". What positives? I can't even pull on the internet where all the sad wankers live. It's always chanted "Oh you're young, you'll find mister right someday, wait & see" & I'm fucking tired of this lovey dovey, yanky doodle, happy-go-lucky shite! get in the real world folks. I have barely any views on my art, hardly ever get a birthday message, never get a happy new years & certainly never had a valentines message or card & whatever shite.

All I want is someone special in my life IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?! But I'll never get there & here's why

Dating sites: They're shite. gaydar's full of fat baldy pensioners with nowt between their legs but a third nipple, POF is just full of arseholes & Furfling's full of yanks, not handy when I live in Shropshire

Gaybars: My nearest gaybar has become over-run with straight people & other bars are brimmed with couples so no

This fandom: Every other furry lives on the other side of this god forsaken rock

College: Everyone in college is straight

I've done it all by the book & I'm still single FUCK VALENTINES!!!

Massive fan of The professionals here so imagine how I felt when I heard there's a movie planned. Not the same as how I felt when I heard about the Sweeney film two years ago. I was excited about the Sweeney until I watched it & I predict the new film will be exactly the same.

My gripes with the Sweeney film were that Regan & Carter (played by John Thaw & Dennis Waterman) were played by Ray Winston & Plan B, actors that couldn't portray the original characters in any way. The only similarity was the south London accents.

Then there's the car, The Sweeney is iconic for it's use of Ford Granadas throughout its life span. A big V6 powered saloon car that squealed tyres round every bend. These awesome cars were replaced by a Focus. A Focus is a boy racer's pratmobile come old lady's shopping trolley. The Granada is a manly car, suited the whole show & the Focus just didn't suit. The only car chase scene in the film featured this rather pathetic car chasing a loud, big engined Jag. It looked pathetic.

I reckon the Professionals will be the same. No Capris, just a Focus driven by actors who can't portray the original characters. The problem with these films is lack of fan service. In a lot of shows & movies, namely doctor who, fan service is criticised but in films like The Sweeney & the upcoming Professionals movie, the only people who'll know about the characters, settings & general understanding of the material will be fans of the old TV series & if those fans aren't engaged or enthusiastic about the film, then it wont take off. Having looked on Passionford, the reception of this news is not enthusiastic at all. In regards to The Professionals, No Capri, no point

There was me, that is Grey, sat at my desk trying to make up my rassoodocks what to do with the evening. I would go to the Korova Milkbar but have no sergally droogs to join me. I need three of my sergally brothers to join me in this artistic pursuit, who out there is prepared to be my droogs?

I'm fresh out. Being so lonely & bored most of the time, I've no idea on how to progress in my artwork. Any suggestions, post below

I am no longer making or offering commissions. It seems you lot prefer art to cost a fortune & I've had absolutely no interest in any of my works. Hence why if you ask for art, forget it. I'm too busy & so sick & tired of some of the folk who ask for commissions. Example

14 year old: Can you do me free art?

me: I don't normally do them for free. Feck it, it's been months since I last made a commission, sure but it'll take a while

14 year old: Okay, I want to be dressed as a Jedi with a big boner!

me: Errm, okay I'll see what I can do

-Two weeks later-

Me: Finished

14 year old: Nah, don't like it, I want to be riding a motorbike

me: Fine

-another fortnight later-

me: hope you like

14 year old: naaah don't like it, halo soldier

-at this point I don't bother & a couple more weeks later I get-

14 year old: Where's my art? GIVE ME MY ART YOU DICK!


I can't be done with the riff raff, by all means you can put suggestions down for artwork as I do get stuck for ideas & if you want to feature in my art, send a note & I'll see if I can stick you into another project but I'm no longer doing solo works as they're too much work & as I've shown, can be a right pain up the 'arris


In other news, contemplating making a comic set with a group of pals & don't have any character ideas. Don't expect it immediately as it'll take a lot of time & work so it may be started after new year