So uh, just thought I'd leave a heads up here. I planned on having a full work day, but it appears I have been roped into errands and parental assistance for the duration of the evening instead. I may or may not be able to get around to actually doing art things by a reasonable hour (or any hour at all) tonight. My apologies to those few commissioners still waiting on piece completion!

Hope you're all having a good Saturday!

-A Wild Hanmonster

Just wanted to leave a little heads up here and stuff!

My mom is (slowly) on the mend from her fall, but when it rains, it pours, so of course we've had some new bumps in the road. My maternal grandmother just died a couple of days ago; we've kind of been expecting it given her downhill slide/health yo-yoing the last few months, and to be frank she just wasn't a very nice person I ever had any relationship of consequence with, but she was still my Mom's mom, and now we've got a funeral to prepare for.

I've been told as of today that the service will be early Friday in Kansas, so I may be gone the latter part of the week, and possibly the former part of the weekend. I should still be good to get some work done in the next few days though!

Thank you, as always, for your patience and understanding!

-A Wild Hanmonster

Super sorry about my lack of confirmation on commission emails individually so far, guys. I can say in a broad sense that everything looks good from what I've scanned, and I WILL be getting on the orders within the coming week. Some rough stuff has just happened in the family over the weekend that's gotten worse before it can get better, so it's been a hard last few days. The TL;DR of it without getting into details is that my mom's been manifesting some worrying new health issues. She (apparently) passed out in the garage, fell, and my dad had to take her to the ER to check a possibly fractured wrist. They're still not home yet, though I've been told there are no broken bones at least.

We'll be returning to your regularly scheduled streams as soon as I can though, I promise!

-Hanmonster

Sorry for the delay on commission organization, everyone! Yesterday wound up scuttled as a work day due to some family stuff, and though I'm out right now and texting from my phone, I wanted to leave a heads up for all my commissioners as reassurance. If you have sent payment and information on your order for this batch, you can assume I've gotten them safely! I'll be checking and organizing everything in earnest at some point later on today, once home.

Hope you're all well! Cheers!

-A Wild Hanmonster

Just as a side note, I'm currently streaming, so replies for any informational sorting beyond validating slot claims may be a lot slower than usual. Thank you for your patience! Anyway, working on Patreon stuff today and probably tomorrow, so these may not be started on until well into the weekend! That said, ONWARDS.

AS ALWAYS, PLEASE BE AWARE THAT MY PRICES CURRENTLY SIT AT 25 USD PER HOUR/I HAVE ADDED A MINOR PRINT ADDENDUM ON MY PRICE SHEET BEFORE READING ON:

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13631620/

NOTES TO BE AWARE OF FOR THIS BATCH OF ORDERS:

Nothing super special about this batch, and no particular restrictions either. I'd love to get ahold of some design work or thematic stuff, but anything's game!

PROTOCOL FOR THOSE LOOKING TO OBTAIN A SLOT:

- Successfully claim a slot when open via my journals (SPECIFY AMOUNT OF HOURS)
- Send me a note containing ALL relevant information, written and visual, of the characters in question. This includes descriptions, piece expectations/wants, and ALL absolutely “must have” elements.*
- Send payment to kdavis51[at]uco.edu via paypal WITH A NOTE ATTACHED of your FA username. If I don’t have the latter, it’s hard to tell who sent me what. Don’t be that person!*

*ALL NOTES AND PAYMENTS MUST BE SUBMITTED WITHIN 24 HOURS OF A SLOT CLAIM UNLESS EXPRESSLY STATED OTHERWISE. Failure to do this will AUTOMATICALLY FORFEIT your slot for that round. Please, if you cannot get me pay and information in this window, DON’T make a claim in the first place.

1, 2, 3, open! READY SET GO.

SLOTS:
1.  Defenbaugh - 1 hour - GOOD/INFO SENT - DONE
2.  Abraxis -4 hours - PAID/INTO sort of SENT -DONE for the moment (8h paid, more pending)
3.  Televassi - 4 hours - GOOD/INFO SENT
4.  Areyath - 4 hours - PAID/INFO SENT - DONE
5.  Sokalo - 3 hours - PAID/INFO SENT - DONE
6.  Raitlin - 1 hour - PAID/INFO SENT
7.  Simpl1 - 2 hours - PAID/GOOD - DONE
8.  Caninehybrid - 3 hours - PAID/INFO SENT
9.  Mr.Nibz - 3 hours - PAID/INFO SENT - DONE
10.  TLdragon - 6 hours - PAID/INFO sort of SENT - DONE

NOTE: As usual, I may take a few extra hours if I feel like it for known clients/super interesting piece proposals/etc, but that's completely at my discretion. Hard cap for hours is absolutely 35, and this is the work chunk that'll keep me busy for a little while coming.

(0/30 hours left!)

I don't usually go out of my way to promote in quite this fashion (though holy hell, you guys sure have a lot of artists to spotlight later), but seriously.  Mandragora2012 has an obscenely appealing style (seriously, look through their gallery) and is currently needing to snag some commission work, so I want to put 'em out there just so you amazing folks know they exist. That is some severely impressive organic/critter handling.

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/17594964/

Go give 'em a look if you're after someone for really finessed creature modeling or beasties of any kind! I seriously don't know how the hell they've been off my radar this long.

Okay, so, this is something I've been ruminating on for a while, and really want to do in the near future.

Let's be point blank honest here, guys; popularity as an artist (in or out of the fandom) has a lot of elements to it that are basically like trying to win the lottery. Yeah, you need to be producing quality work with a certain speed and volume, and yeah, it definitely helps not to be a big jerk face about it, but there are still so many artists out there who, for one reason or another, have managed to fall to the wayside around these parts and go largely unnoticed despite being AWESOME AS HECK.

There are a couple I already have in mind that I really want to toss out there when I make an actual post feature later, but I figured it'd be nice to put the call out there to you guys and see if you felt there were any other really stellar, sweet, skilled artists that need their kudos.

I've been extremely lucky to find such a vast, inspiring, and supportive audience, and I want to use that for the force of good to help my fellow artists, y'know? Art's a hard realm to make it in, especially if you're trying to make a career of it (mostly via commissions), in which case you have to be visible enough for a reliable, stable inflow of customers.

If you volunteer an artist you like, please, tell me what you like about them, too! :D Share the love! Are they fantastic designers? Amazing with color? Incredibly sweet and wonderful to work with? I wanna hear it all!

Sorry for the late journal here (I may delete it later), but as many of you have figured out most likely, there'll be no stream tonight. I've been feeling really nauseous and exhausted all day for some reason, so energy levels for working are a little bottomed out. Hopefully tomorrow I should be good as new; I'm getting dragged off for some of the day to go see an art museum with my dear friend Katie, but after that, I can (if all goes well) get in some proper stream time and finish up that giant piece for Zyrena and Defenbaugh that's been going on forever!

In addition, I do believe that piece is truly the last of my queue, new or old, which means I can open up for more slot hours! And start figuring out what to do for next month's mega Patreon piece! Already leaning towards something Monster Hunter related for it, because hot damn are those designs super slick. A monster vs. monster thing might be awesome.

Cheers, everyone! I hope you've been well today!

-A Wild Hanmonster

I'm kind of shocked I never heard about this one, but  Pachabel was kind enough to enlighten me on its existence yesterday. Given how hectic things have been this year and the fact that moving continues to be such a painfully sluggish affair, I don't know if I'll be able to spring for making it to Utah and Furry Unlocked/Unthrocon this year due to house showings and other messes, which is really disheartening. BUT.

Apparently this CPFC one is in Wichita, Kansas? Not only do I personally know that city due to having extended family in it; it's also a less than four hour drive I'm pretty used to making from all the years of visiting. It seems a lot more doable and attractive to try and shoot for this year-- but now I inevitably have to ask:

Have any of you guys gone to it before?

How big/well organized is it? Was it fun?

And most importantly, anyone going this year?

Since I should probably make an update post here in the journal every so often, that is.

Moving prep work is still chugging along at some kind of clip, at least! All of our duct work is now completed; they just sealed off the old ones in our floor with concrete earlier today, even. I think this means the only things left are aesthetic work? Maybe we'll be able to actually get this place on the market before some ungodly point in the future! That'd be fantastic, eh?

I just want to say how much I appreciate you guys having stood with and supported me through the spotty working schedule lately, too. I've finally almost gotten through my last queue (with a couple of patreon noodlings left to do for rewards), and I should be doing a nice, long art stream tomorrow for anyone that can attend!

ALSO also, I hear that RMFC was lovely from all my known sources! Who among you went? Was it fun? Was your experience as rad as it sounded? I hope so! I'll definitely be going next year, once I have more disposable income to blow on fun stuff and we're finally settled for real in Stillwater. That'll be so great.

Cheers, everyone! May your days be nice this week!

-A Wild Hanmonster

Since it's already gone on way longer than I intended/was hoping for, I thought it'd be a nice courtesy to leave a heads up here. In short, for the last several days we've had various and sundry professionals (predominantly a crew of heating and air duct guys and a painter who's painting all of our walls/fixing some wall cracks) in the house doing a lot of stuff that's made streaming pretty much impossible. I thought they would be done a lot sooner than this and was hoping to work again in a much more timely manner, though it may be a few more days yet before things have settled down entirely.

As it stands, we currently have no AC for the next 12-24 hours until the guys are back tomorrow to install a new unit, and I think tomorrow my own room is up for painting, which means I'll be chucking my work computer somewhere else for a little while and be lacking my usual nesting space.

I'll be getting back on streaming and work as soon as I possibly can, and thank you so much for all of your patience. I hope you're well out there!

-A Wild Hanmonster

So, as most of you know, I was gone for a long time because of my sick debacle/this whole moving thing still kind of going on. I've managed to finally get most of my owed work back under control and comfortable, and now, the last thing on my list of "oh god how do I rectify these lost months" is Patreon.

In lieu of trying to figure out a bunch of pieces and how much time I could put into them and so forth, I'd like to just figure out the bulk of what was donated during my absence and roll it all into one enormous celebratory piece-- probably for August, at this point. I'd like to thank those who stuck with me, long or short term, for their incredible kindness, and patronage, and support.

Also, Patreon rewards.

This is the other thing that I still need to sort out, so in lieu of trying to retcon/backtrack tons of would-be raffles with X people in each of them and make a huge mess of that, I'd like to put out an open call to ALL of those who've supported me and been my patron at one point or another. I'm doing this on the honor system; I want each and every one of you to feel like you've gotten what you deserve out of your kindness towards me, so basically, what I'm asking is for you to guesstimate how much you've put into me, and then just tell me what you want in turn? If you want to roll all your donations into a free icon, or a sketch page, or even a speedpaint or something, I'll be more than happy to oblige-- no raffles or chances necessary. If patrons could post their desired reward down in a comment at the bottom of this journal with quick summations/reference material, it'd be fantastic. I'll be getting through them as quickly as I'm able while I chew on commissions.

Once that's finally squared away and I know that everyone is satisfied, I can finally get Patreon properly back on track again.

OTHER MINOR THINGS:

So apparently I'm going to be headed up with my mom to Kansas for some relative visitation this weekend and just got reminded of it yesterday. My cousin's kid is having his second birthday party, and my mom says she's going to be at some craft show in the Wichita area that I need to help her set up and attend (which is Saturday, I think?), so in short, you'll probably not be seeing any streams out of me over the course of the weekend. HOWEVER, I will be taking my laptop (which can still handle PS and moderately sized files without choking too much, thank goodness) with me, so if any commissioners from my new batch are okay with me working blind/streamless, feel free to speak up! I have no idea exactly how much free time I'll have available to noodle on actual art things, though my cool aunt does, I am told, have wi-fi that's pretty reliable now, so at the very least I can keep in contact with clients and send WIPs the old fashioned way through notes?

Otherwise, I'll just resume work and streaming as per normal on Monday. Hurray, productivity!

Thank you so much, as always, for your time to read, your love, and your support. You're the best pack of people a little monster could ask for. Cheers!

-A Wild, Rain Soggy Oklahoman Hanmonster

My god, has it been forever since this happened? It's totally been forever. Anyway, on to the stuff!

AS ALWAYS, PLEASE BE AWARE THAT MY PRICES CURRENTLY SIT AT 25 USD PER HOUR/I HAVE ADDED A MINOR PRINT ADDENDUM ON MY PRICE SHEET BEFORE READING ON:

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13631620/

NOTES TO BE AWARE OF FOR THIS BATCH OF ORDERS:

My goal here is to get a few "little" pieces that I can work on as one shot (or close to it) orders to act as a break between working sessions on my bigger piece for Zyrena and Defenbaugh while I finish it up! Because of that, I politely request that no single order/piece exceed 4 (possibly 5, depending on who you are) hours! I'd rather not take on any more really significant projects than I already have at the moment, but stuff like icons, speedpaints, sketch pages, doodles, etc, are all still fair game!

I'm also looking to try out my hand at digitally emulating "real" watercolor effects on some sketchy stuff if possible, though this would be totally experimental, so keep that in mind if you request it! I'll do my best to make sure everyone is 100% satisfied with whatever they get as always, though!

PROTOCOL FOR THOSE LOOKING TO OBTAIN A SLOT:

- Successfully claim a slot when open via my journals (SPECIFY AMOUNT OF HOURS)
- Send me a note containing ALL relevant information, written and visual, of the characters in question. This includes descriptions, piece expectations/wants, and ALL absolutely “must have” elements.*
- Send payment to kdavis51[at]uco.edu via paypal WITH A NOTE ATTACHED of your FA username. If I don’t have the latter, it’s hard to tell who sent me what. Don’t be that person!*

*ALL NOTES AND PAYMENTS MUST BE SUBMITTED WITHIN 24 HOURS OF A SLOT CLAIM UNLESS EXPRESSLY STATED OTHERWISE. Failure to do this will AUTOMATICALLY FORFEIT your slot for that round. Please, if you cannot get me pay and information in this window, DON’T make a claim in the first place.

1, 2, 3, open! READY SET GO.

SLOTS:

1.  dragonfoxdemon - 2 hours - ladies chillin' with watercolor coloring - PAID/INFO SENT
2.  Bruma - 5 hours - Ethiopian wolf dude - PAID/INFO SENT
3:  Ivy_Trellis - 3 hours - Fennect lady, shockingly not pink - PAID/INFO SENT
4.  JonathanMereis - 3 hours - foxy pinup action with rad black panties - PAID/INFO SENT - DONE
5.  Sorien - 4 hours - Jaguar dude grumpypants - PAID/INFO SENT
6.  Ulariogryphon - 2 hours - cute (spacey?) gryphon girl pinup - PAID/INFO SENT
7:  Silv - 3 hours - amazing watercolor-y blue wingless peagryphon - PAID/INFO SENT

NOTE: I MAY take about 5 extra hours IF a familiar client I enjoy wants to bump up hour counts or get tacked on at the back of the line after 'official' hours are out, etc, etc, but this is at my discretion and 20 hours is definitely my absolute hard cap for this round. Wanna make sure I ease back into this the right way without taking too big of a first bite, y'know?

(-7/15* HOURS LEFT)

*Could be up to 20**, again, depending on who bites. Over-the-soft-cap limit is at my dumb discretion!

**WHOOPS I guess I'm taking 22. Ah well. Hurray, work! :D Thank you, everyone!

Just thought I'd leave up a note here, since it's been so darned long!

Tomorrow, I'm going to be opening up for some commission slots with a few particular stipulations. The short of it is that I'm pretty much after some "small" (mostly one-shot/one day project) orders to use for break time and refreshing my brain while I keep chewing through Zyrena and Defenbaugh's piece one bit at a time over the coming while.

There will probably be an hour limit on how much time can be claimed by a single person-- 4 hours (maaaybe 5) would by my top, with a total slot hour tally of 15-20 hours (20 is the likely 'hard' cap, 15 the 'soft').

Because of the reduced hours/short project specs, commission types available will probably just be stuff like sketch pages, icons, speedpaints, and so forth. I also still really want to test out my digital watercolor stuff really shamelessly, so a small amount of the available hours could be specifically for that?

What you guys think? Sound alright as an idea?

Just wanted to leave a little heads up here that I likely won't be streaming (or really working on anything of merit worth showing) today or the next day; since I live in America and it's the weekend of the 4th/Independence Day, we've got a couple relatives coming down to celebrate with us, so I expect my would-be productivity time is going to be eaten by socialization and food and fireworks displays!

On a note aside, I also want to thank you guys deeply for all the wonderful feedback about my questions yesterday; I'm super excited about branching out into new styles and looking forward to trying my watercolor idea as soon as I can.

Cheers, guys! If you're in the US like me, I hope you all have a FABULOUS and pleasantly celebratory weekend with some pretty sky explosions and grilled meat tubes and/or burger* patties!

May your weekends all be as wonderful as you are!

-A Wild Hanmonster

---
*Or veggie patties, for those lovely non-critter eaters out there!

Okay, SO. Getting back into the swing of things, I'm currently working on getting through what was left of my pieces before I got sick all those months ago. With Lennon's beautiful pinup finished, as of now, the only pieces I have started but not finished are my big scene for Zyrena/Defenbaugh (which has 12 more hours paid and coming now, that I'll be trying to chew through this week in increments) aaand Patreon things I need to work back on. Aside from that, though, my schedule's pretty much cleared, which means I'll be able to take on more proper, fresh work in the very near future!

The lovely  Nullreff will be getting a rad musically themed badge from me very shortly, and once that's done, I'd prefer to pick up some more small things to work on as generally quick, one-and-done type breaks from the longer projects? This would likely be limited to stuff that would be 3-4 hours tops and under per piece, so it could feasibly be speedpaints, sketch pages, icons, or even a quick badge or something.

ALSO on the sketch note, I've really, really been wanting to experiment with some digital watercolor in a more traditionally watercolor-y style using my rad brushes that imitate them so well, and wanted to ask-- is there any interest for that/anyone brave enough to order something like experimental sketches that would permit me to try the style out?

Cheers, everyone! I hope you're having wonderful days out there today!

-A Wild Hanmonster

Well, first off, I just want to say, holy crap, you guys know how to make a little monster feel welcome again. I went back and read yesterday's journal after I woke up and just about cried, I was so happy to see everyone's comments. I love you guys dearly, and I've missed the hell out of you all. On a delightfully happy note, I'm shooting for a Tigerdile stream later today-- and I so hope to see all your lovely faces there! Just gotta get a couple things rifled through upstairs before I sit down at the work computer. Content of said stream will probably be variable and not too heavy; I did some sketches yesterday for Lennon that were sent off and approved, so I may try refining/polishing a couple of the 'winners' from his pinup selections, and I'll probably do a couple of silly sketches while I'm at it, too. TL;DR: it'll probably be a "let's make sure we haven't forgotten how to Photoshop like a real art nerd" day, and a celebration of getting back in touch!

On a less happy note, I've been getting back up to snuff on FA's shenanigans and uh, holy shit?

I know the site's pulled a lot of questionable stuff in the past, but this whole porn ads thing is pretty over the top horrific (as every other person I've seen commenting thus far has also agreed). Don't get me wrong; I understand that ads are one of those necessary evils for a lot of websites to generate self-sustaining revenue, but... this? There's no excuse for this. Some of the screenshots I've seen are just gross.

On a personal level, I'm not okay with it. What gets me even more is that, as an artist, this kind of shit not only makes my art space look bad, but even worse, it exposes my watchers and viewers to potentially awful things. (And let's not even get into how artists who've paid for ad space linking their work are getting royally dicked, too.)

I feel like I should personally apologize to anyone who's trundled through my gallery of late and been exposed to something nasty or triggering. That's not fair to you at all. My gallery is supposed to be a safe space for everyone to feel comfortable. I don't have any plans to jump ship from FA right now, but goddamn it, site, stop making me hate you with such deplorable choices that disregard the safety, comfort, and potentially malware prone computers of your users.

Like many, I highly recommend keeping all your adblocking software active for now, and my heart goes out to all the artists who are feeling the sting from this mess. Stay safe, avoid what hurts, and put yourselves first. I heard the staff's backpedaling to 'dial it down' or something, but anything less than complete removal of all non-neutral ad content is completely unacceptable. Just.

Ugh.

HURRAH. :D

After much ado, we still aren't moved yet (sadly) and slightly chaotic life changes will probably continue in the background over the next few months, but the family's released me from any housework/prep chores for the next while so I can start concentrating on my work again, so here I am! I'm healthy, heavier than I've ever been (I'm not even kidding, my last weigh in at the doctor had me slightly over 110 pounds, hurray!), and chomping at the bit to get back into my little niche here (and of course catch up on the couple of things still hanging out there).

Anyway, I just wanted to make a giddy little announcement that I'm finally (for real) all back and stuff. And of course now I have to ask: how have all of YOU wonderful folks been the past couple of months? Anything exciting happen? I've missed the hell out of all of you. Seriously. You're the best support in the world. I hope your worlds have been turning happily, and that you're well.

Cheers, my spectacular fellow FA folks!

-A Wild Hanmonster

The title is putting it lightly, I know. This has been a very strange couple of months, and it's more than high time I gave you wonderful people an update.

Starting off with all the better, happier news at least-- I'm better now! I've been on some pretty kickass depression medication and, though I was hesitant at first over whether or not it would actually work, miracles apparently happen. I feel more like the little art gremlin I used to be than I have in a long time; I'm back up to my pre-mono/sick spiral weight, eating normally, and thrilled to actually enjoy food again like y'all wouldn't believe. In this regard, the world is bright and shiny and beautiful.

On the downside, some other things have been happening lately that make life in general a lot more complicated. As of a few weeks ago, it's become apparent that my family and I have to move. My dad's job has been shuffled around and the commute he used to weather three days a week is no longer feasible, so we'll be heading away from Tulsa and the house we've lived in for nine years now out towards a smaller city in Oklahoma about an hour and a half away-- likely Stillwater, or at least the immediate area of such.

Getting ready to sell the house has put things in a bizarre, surrealist tail spin. To summarize a long, messy, and terrible ordeal, basically we've found out that the home's foundation was compromised due to unseen leaky pipe stuff over the years/etc and a huge amount of work needs to be done to correct the cascading damages. My mom, whom i love and adore dearly with all my heart, is also a tightly wound person who does not cope with stress well, so I've been left trying to cope with sobbing meltdowns on her part at least once or twice daily since all this started. It has been trying. My days of late have been devoted entirely to dealing with her and assisting in getting old stuff purged for donation/garage sales/storage, and cleaning, and managing repair people coming over way too often.

I'm at a point where I think i'm finally capable of getting back to my art, and I desperately miss the hell out of being able to chat, and stream, and have the social fulfillment of being with all of you. I love you guys dearly; I know I've said it before, but I mean it. Truly, I do. You've been the kindest, most supportive, patient, wonderful sorts a frazzled monster could ever hope to be around. I just don't know my schedule from day to day, and still have yet to even begin to touch the horrendous backlog of emails sitting on my account.

TL;DR, things are kind of a mess, but I'm alive, and comfortably medicated, and (personally) functional again. I miss and love all of you. I hope you're well, and having good, wonderful days out there.

I'd like to try and at least take a stab at some really short streaming again sometime over the next week, even if it's just for chipping away at my last stalled Patreon piece and getting reacquainted with my working process, or scratching out some sketch work for the piece(s) I still have incubating for Lennon. They may be short sessions, though, and I'm not really sure when I may be pulled to go assist with X thing concerning all of this moving hell.

Do you guys think the short burst/sporadic streaming would be worth a shot? I'd love to see you all again. Best wishes.

-A Very Tired Hanmonster

This is a post I i've been putting off, but I think it's high time I finally push myself into it. At the very least I owe you guys that much. AS A HEADS UP BEFORE READING ON: the following is not all sunshine and rainbows like I wish it could be, so if you'd rather pass over this text wall for your own psychological soundness or well being, that is entirely okay. Taking care of yourself should always, always come first, and just know that my sincere appreciation for you being here is not diminished.

So. January has yet to prove itself the grand turnaround month I was hoping for on health. I feel like i've been stagnating in a haze; it's like my whole life's just been eaten by sleeping, trying to sleep and, most prevalently, food.

That last bit has become frustratingly all-consuming. I've stopped eating processed sugar and basically anything excessively sweet, salty, strong tasting, or greasy in its entirety since getting sick in the first place, and my appetite still hasn't come back over the past three-ish months. I have to sit there and ask myself regularly whether I've hit my caloric baseline for the day or if I need to eat more, because I know full-well that I need to in order to maintain weight and be a functional human being, but man, is the whole desire for food thing shot. Super dumb, right? Eating's one of those activities I used to take for granted as a mindless thing that just worked itself out, and now it feels like this basic life sustaining checkmark on my list of day-to-day stuff is constantly a fight.

At this point I really don't know how much of my persisting symptoms are the mono hanging on, or if I've let the food frustration combined with some other silly real life things actually push me in another direction entirely. As much as it pains me to say it (a part of me feels like I'm somehow 'failing' just by caving to it, despite my higher brain knowing better-- we're all terrible hypocrites about self judgement), I think I might be depressed. Apparently my parents have been thinking the same thing, and the torpor/changes in appetite can also be symptomatic of clinical depression.

Psychologically, I'll admit: being out of commission and away from my art-- and you guys-- has been pretty crushing, which may be turning into a hard cycle of lacking productivity > distress > feeling incomplete > depression > lacking productivity again. I miss art and streaming so much it hurts. I miss all of you guys. I've always prided myself on being a generally happy person and artist, so the idea of actually "letting" this happen to me is frustrating, especially when I have so much wonderful support and a fairly stable life compared to so many. I'm an incredibly lucky bastard in the grand scheme of things, and I'm fully aware of that. I want to be there for all of you, and I want to be myself again. I don't really feel whole right now, and I don't want this to turn into the same caliber of 'down' that happened the last time, either. I'm not allowing that.

I have an appointment with my doctor on the 28th to finally address things, hopefully for the last time. Chances are high that I'll be on some depression medication for a little while, and I'm hoping that it'll break this for good, because I would love to feel energetic and worthwhile again, and maybe get over this hump of a thing so basic as eating being hard.

I'll also be (finally) trying to slog through some of my backed up inbox today, and I apologize (though it may make me sound like a broken record) for having been so here-and-gone, or slow to read, or terrible at getting back to things. To my Patreon people, I still absolutely intend to get to things there. None of you will be shorted your incredibly kind support rewards for the past couple of months as soon as I'm back up and running again. To those couple of people still with work I've agreed to but not yet completed, I will also be getting to it as soon as I'm able. And if for any reason, someone who falls under this 'money has been paid but work not completed yet' umbrella would like a refund (even for Patreon donations), please, feel free to request it. I'll never begrudge anyone for understandable frustration due to my lag; the lot of you have just been incredible throughout this mess, and I want you all to know that I appreciate it.

This is not the end of me, and it sure as hell won't keep me down forever. Of the few things I know for sure, that's one of them. I know I said it earlier, but I miss the hell out of you guys, both to the people who've been kind enough to reach out and the people who've just thought good things in passing, and I appreciate you all so very, very much-- more than some impersonal little text box in a journal can convey. Take care of yourselves, know that you are always worth treating kindly, and be well out there.

Sincerely,
-Hanmonster

I never want to seem inactive here for too long without dropping in to leave a note, so, here we are! To start off, I hope all of you amazing, lovely folks have had an excellent holiday season! It's sure been a hell of a year, and here we are, nearly to the finish! Each and every one of us should take immense pride in surviving it, I say, because survival alone is a far more trying and difficult challenge than many give it credit for being.

Anyway, I am still here, I promise. For whatever unpleasant reason, the last couple weeks have been a charming up and down yo-yo of questionable food stability again, which has (yet again) been trying as far as productivity. I'm hoping to keep eeking out spells of agreeable insides so I can stream this week again since I just got a fresh batch of anti-nausea medication, and would, again, like to issue a continuing apology for all sluggish gallery activity. Mono's just a more tenacious, stubborn opponent than I was counting on, and I've had a couple of accidental slips in diet/eating recently that unintentionally set me back a little on getting my energy revived for being consistently functional. It is actively being worked on though!

I know I say this basically every time I leave a journal here anymore, but seriously-- you're all the most amazing, and splendid, and wonderful support in the world. You keep this little monster's heart full of glorious hope, joy, and excitement about the future. <3

And may the coming new year be a great one, too! VIVE LA 2015, FULL OF GREAT HEALTH AND HAPPINESS AND FORTUNE FOR US ALL. :D

With all the love and sincerity in this little beastie's heart,
-A Wild Hanmonster

Just as a little note for the night, sorry about the short quiet period again! I wound up getting too exhausted to work yesterday from some long errands with my dad (which is a bit silly, I know) and have been dealing with some lingering tired-hangover-y-ness tonight that's left me trying to get my stomach settled all afternoon/evening. I am still getting better though, and still here! Just probably gonna have to do actual/proper art streaming tomorrow instead of tonight.

I hope all of you wonderful people are well out there! And for those on the upper west coast, godspeed weathering the storms out there. One of my dear buddies, Wyrd, informed me that apparently California/Oregon/that whole area's in for some pretty ridiculous rain the next couple of days. Crazy stuff!

Cheers, you most excellent, wonderful folks, you! Be safe, well, and dry out there!
- A Wild Hanmonster

Before I say anything else, I just want to tell you guys how much it's meant to me to have all your wonderful support and good feelings and well wishing. Pach sent me the sweetest get well card from so many of you on my phone the other day, and my goodness, my little heart just about exploded from an overload of AMAZING FEELINGS. I could not ask for better watchers, better company, or better friends.

On the upside, I am absolutely THRILLED to report that I'm finally, actually starting to feel better-- like consistent-lessening-of-suck-by-the-day better-- as of something close to a week ago. I've been through lots of blood work, an ultrasound, x-ray, and so forth, and after a LOT of guessing and testing and things otherwise coming back negative, a couple days ago during my last doctor's visit, he brought up a possible diagnosis that actually makes sense.

I was unaware that this was even possible beforehand, but apparently mono-- mononucleosis-- stays in your system forever after you've had it once, and has the possibility of recurring again later if you don't make enough antibodies or something. Given all the stomach and eating issues coupled with the ridiculous, persistent fatigue I was plagued with (which i'm happy to say is also finally lessening), it feels like a pretty likely fit.

Who knew, right? I never thought I'd have to deal with mono again after I had it in the middle of college, but eh. The good thing is, this means it will just continue to get better, with the kicker being that even had I known from the start, I would've just had to ride it out the same. Oh well! Life's still looking much, much brighter now that I can eat again with less trouble; gaining back the weight I lost will probably still take a month or two, but that's not a big deal.

I may still be slightly less prevalent in streaming than I was before for the next week or two, and possibly have shorter sessions, but if nothing catastrophic happens, then my plans are for a big comeback stream tomorrow afternoon! And... also getting through the enormous pile of notes and correspondence I am so badly in need of slogging through. Apologies again for that, it has been my fault entirely, and thank you for your amazing, incredible patience.

I'm not quite sure when I'll be opening new commission slots again-- it may wind up being close to the new year-- but I'm going to devote the rest of this month, and year, to catching up, finishing the orders that were stalled prior, and getting up to speed again/reorganizing Patreon.

VIVE LA WELLNESS, GUYS. :D Seriously, y'all are amazing, and I'm thrilled to be here, and feeling so much closer to myself again. And a lot of it, I have no doubt, if thanks to such stellar, unwavering, heartfelt support from all of you.

Cheers!
-A FINALLY LIVELY Hanmonster, YEEEEEESSSS

Just crawling on here briefly since it's about high time for another update-- you guys continue to be the best people in the world and I swear I will actually start trudging through correspondence here when I can.

Without getting into boring details, my kidney infection is now vanquished and my antibiotics are all done! Unfortunately, however, I'm still not feeling much better, and when I got some blood drawn a week ago some things were kind of elevated (which I just found out going back in today), so I'll be headed in once again tomorrow for more tests on some things to see what's up. But hey, I'm still surviving! Unfortunately also still feeling about as whipped and tired as when I had mono in college-- but I'm alive! The nurse who called also asked if I have my appendix for some reason (I do, but ???), so we'll see what happens! I know without question that I'll get through this, though.

And you all continue to be the best support in the world. Even if I haven't gotten back to individual people yet, and my presence lately has been terrible, I just want you all to know that it means more than I can express in words over a little text box online.

To the few people I still have work hanging up on (Drewzy/Sawolf151 and Zyrena/Defenbaugh-- and Lennon-Surcot too, though that one's not been started), I just want to say thank you again for being so patient. I will be getting back on these pieces as soon as I'm less worn out and more of a functional working creature again. And if for any reason a refund ever had to happen (which I doubt) in part or was requested, all funds for hours I haven't actually done yet are still in my Paypal reserves for easy retrieval. I just. Guh. I seriously couldn't ask for more patient or wonderful clients.

Patreon is a slightly more complicated issue. I still need to finish up October's piece, and with everything going on health-wise I never even got to come up with a concept for November. I don't want people's incredibly generous contributions to go to nothing, and I refuse to let my promised rewards fall through... but if November just winds up being basically a wash for productivity-- depending on how tomorrow's lab tests come in-- I was thinking I might roll everything over into making December's piece doubled up on time, effort, and rewards? Either that or figure out how to get people's money back to them via individual contact and Paypal so no one's short. Anyway, though, on to other stuff!

I miss the hell out of you guys, and I appreciate, so much, that you've all been there for me.

So thank you. Sincerely. Thank you, for all that you guys do, for the lovely, wonderful individuals that you are. You're all pretty much amazing, and looking forward to the day I can actually get back up to snuff and on my art track to be with y'all is what keeps me hopeful for the future. Best wishes, and I'll at least troll through reading some notes and emails tonight, if nothing else. And maybe clear out my submissions box on here so it's not as close to exploding.

... and do forgive any rambles or repeats. I think I'm a little too tired for more than inelegant repetitions and longwinded blathers right now. Cheers!

-- Sincerely, wholeheartedly, a wild Hanmonster

Continued apologies for the absence of basically any return comments/notes/email yet; I still have absolutely every intention of getting to them. I just had kind of a rough downhill spell the night before last that wound up throwing me over the precipice of fatigue-y stuff-- but hey! It compelled me (and my folks) enough to finally go see a doctor, which turned out to be incredibly smart!

IN CONCLUSION:

Apparently this little monster managed to contract a UTI in both kidneys (which I was informed is entirely capable of provoking all the stomach symptoms, who knew). On the downside, it really sucks, but on the upside, it happens to be entirely curable on the right meds (I'll be filling my prescription later today, hurrah!) and I should be back to normal working (and eating) form within about a week! Hopefully I'll start feeling better enough to work again after a day or two of mega-dosing on my antibiotics, so if all goes well, I could even be back on the art and streaming thing by mid-week!

Cheers to you all! And wishes of good health and even better days!

-A Kidney Challenged Hanmonster