So I've made a speedy recovery from the surgery that has changed my face somewhat. There's a bit of swelling around my chin, giving me a more defined chin (or as I like to call it, man chin xD). I'm still very numb in that area, with doctors claiming it can take anywhere from 3 months to 2 years for normal feeling to return, and that it may even be permanent.

I'm still on the no chewing diet, but I'm starting to move into more normal foods like pasta. I can eat anything as long as it's broken up into small pieces that can be crushed with my tongue and swallowed.  huskytime had the pleasure of watching me eat McNuggets and large fries by tearing them into tiny pieces with my hands.

I'll be returning to work on Monday. I'm sure the team misses me (pfft...lies. None of them ever called me ;_;). Hopefully I don't sound like a complete berk on the phone.

---

In other news, a fatal rail accident happened in Dandenong earlier today, with an outbound train coming second best to a semi-trailer carrying potatoes. Tragically, someone died while being treated by paramedics at the scene, and the train driver remained trapped in the wreckage for an hour before being freed. 13 other commuters were injured. The truck driver escaped injury.

The line has been closed and will be while police investigate the accident. Extensive damage to the track and overhead wires means that the line will most likely be closed for at least 5 days while the train is cleared and tracks rebuilt. 3 other trains stationed at Cranbourne will remain out of service because the line is a single track. The train involved in the incident jack-knifed, splitting the 3 car consist. One of the trailers even rolled over in the accident.

I've been told that there will be minimal impact with the 4 trains out of commission, but I'll be bracing myself for cancellations.

News update: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7UjVboEH_E

Hey guys

Most of you have tabs on my life, but for those that don't, I thought I should point out that I actually made it through surgery (Yay).

Most of everything went off without a hitch...well..most. I came out of surgery in a great deal of physical and mental shock, brought on by the general anaesthetic and it's adverse effect with my medication. As a result, I was kept in ICU for close to 4-6 hours post-op due to an unusually high heart rate and continuing to throw up clotted blood, but most of it subsided by midnight.

As of now, I can't feel my lower lip, or open my mouth anymore than to fit a teaspoon in. I can't eat or chew, or do anything at the moment. I'm surviving off liquid foods, and I'm hoping to god that won't kill me.

I'm in no physical pain per se. The numbing feeling around my mouth is more annoying than painful. I'm on a course of antibiotics and ibuprofen, as well as yoghurts, baby formula and soups.

I'll pull through this, but my god...you have no idea how much I want a slice of pizza right now...or a chocolate muffin...

I got an unexpected break from the norm about a week ago when I was summoned to the Royal Melbourne Hospital last Thursday for an initial checkup in relation to the much anticipated, but still very daunting, orthognathic surgery planned since 2009. After the nightmare with the dentistry bill (which I'm still extremely pissed off about), I was initially given a date of November 2nd to undergo the surgery.

Today I received a phonecall from the surgeon. He advised that they had a cancellation and they wanted me to come in tomorrow, have my orthodontist fit the surgical hooks to the braces this afternoon. My boss almost strangled me with the amount of backbending she had to do to get me 2 weeks of unpaid leave (yes, unpaid x.x).

Essentially, what the surgeon is going to be doing is cutting and separating my mandible (the lower jaw, chin, teeth and all) from the joint, pulling it forward, and fixing it in place with a few plates and screws. It's an excruciatingly painful, risky, and face-changing process, which will mean I'm off solid foods for 6 weeks. Having the surgery now means that it won't cut into MiDFur, but it's already thrown me out of routine.

For the 2 weeks I'll be out of action, I'll be in all sorts of pain, and struggling to consume and live off nothing but yoghurt and ice cream >.>. I've also been told of risks ranging from relapse to infection, to permanent loss of feeling in my chin. I'm scared shitless, and having the surgery happen on such short notice isn't helping me.

That said, the surgery isn't likely to kill me (hopefully), so I'll be back to normal in a few weeks. I have a lovely ram face (that's you,  leafian) to keep me occupied for the time being and lots and lots of ice cream to snack off ^_^

You know I worry about myself sometimes. Where I'm going and what I'm doing to myself. I used to think everything was fine in my life. I guess at the moment everything still is, but it just doesn't feel right.

I realise I'm no good with other people. I'm introverted and shy around unfamiliar people (but then I guess everyone is nowadays), and I feel like some of the things I say or do are really not worth the effort I put into them.

Against all odds, I've still got this job. I've had it for 7 months now. I've had this job longer than I've held a relationship, and that's a pretty long time to be dedicated to something you actually enjoy doing. Even though management are trying to squeeze more out of us and are slashing hours, fixing break times and generally being a pain in the butt sometimes, I'm still enjoying the work I do and I'm getting much better at it too.

I still don't feel like myself. I feel disconnected from everyone though. Even my own family. Every Friday night I end up staying out late, and then making a haste decision on whether or not I should stay at a friend's (and often I dump myself on said friend last minute too. Sorry guys) or I just bite the bullet and go home. Normally this is at about 10 or 11 at night, and normally when my blood alcohol concentration is close to 3% and I've said and done things like pretend a fire hose cabinet was the "gateway to Narnia". I've been suffering from sleep deprivation and fatigue, both a combination of a broken body clock (due to working hours constantly being shifted every week) and my inability to keep track of time. I also find that I'm not eating properly, and often skipping lunch altogether, before binging out on god knows what over the weekend when I'm not normally at home. I have this feeling that I'm slowly getting an addiction to alcohol. And I have self-esteem issues.

People are generally nice to me, but why? I'm so damn cold hearted now. I don't need it, or deserve it, but I just get it anyway, and it often ends up with me feeling bad because I never do anything to reciprocate those kind of efforts back to anyone. I keep telling people they don't have to be so nice to me. I guess it's a lot better than the alternative.

It's hard for me to share what I'm truly thinking. The thoughts that pass through my head are a series of jumbled and often interleaved pieces of my memory that don't make any sense.

I hate saying it, because it sounds like I'm whining incessantly, but I do feel worthless sometimes. I feel I have nothing to contribute to anyone or for anyone, and I feel like I can't function in the real world alone.

Guess I'll crack open another cider...

I take it from the fact that people have commented on journals that I post, that these things are actually read. This is good. It means that people are actually listening to me.

I will point out though, what I write here, or on any other social media/communication channel is expressed without the consent of other people and without the intervention of other people. In other words, if I write something here, it's entirely unfiltered, uncensored, straight from the horse's mouth, etc etc.

It's come to my attention that my once good standing in this community has faltered due to a combination of a bad night and depression. Yes, I said something that shouldn't have been said on a public channel, and yes it was read by someone who I knew would get hurt about it. It was never my intention to hurt said person but I can't control how what I say spreads and gets passed around. If I put it there in the first place, it's because I had a reason to.

What I also don't understand is why other people are getting butthurt about it. People that weren't even involved in the first place. I've lost some credible friends over what happened over the weekend, and it doesn't really bother me all that much. I stand by what I said and if people are disturbed when I express my opinions, and want to start basing their opinion of me on that one incident, then I'm more than happy to show them the door. You are advised to unfollow, unwatch, unfriend, un-whatevertheycallitnow.

I did what I had to do, short of tearing down a wall and interrupting a friend's DnD match upstairs. If that bothers you, then it's not my problem.

I'm a massive faggot and this is my favourite husky time on the citadel

I've reached this point in life where I've finally become apathetic and I've stopped caring about close to everything, and everyone, including my own wellbeing.

Within the past 3 weeks I've:
-Had an emotional breakdown;
-Drunk myself silly to the point where I was vomiting (and I did that on an empty stomach and less than $15 worth of cider);
-Contemplated suicidal thoughts (mostly would-be accident scenes); and
-Been thrown out of home due to a dispute in living expenses

I don't think it really matters at this point to mention that I'm still trying to get over that relationship I had 4 months ago. I think by this stage my poisonous concoction of hatred, jealousy and extreme sadness has done its miles and really does need to get the fuck out of me so that I can continue living my life normally. If I let this continue for too long I will slowly poison all my emotional and mental strength into oblivion, and that won't be good for me or anyone else that gets in contact with me.

Me not caring about anything isn't me being selfish. It's me trying to reestablish my place in my own life so that I can start caring about others again. Right now I'm too emotionally unstable, mentally unstable and physically weak to take on the burdens of other people.

Again, I urge close friends who are worried to try and get in contact with me.

And yes, I'm seeking help with a psychiatrist.

Forewarning, this is probably a vent. If you don't like reading negative stuff, you should probably move along. Any comments that aren't helpful will be hidden.

I've not done one of these update things in a while, so I thought I should just do one just so I know where I stand.

While I don't mean to sound like a whiny, naggy, needy, attention-seeking brat, there's no tiptoeing around the fact that I have been off colour recently. I've been overwhelmed by an ever-growing sense of insecurity and instability as I've continued the transition from high school student to everyday office worker. I'm paying more for daily things I take for granted such as lunch, transport and meds, and I'm still only working on a temp contract with the company. While another extension on the contract has helped settle me down a little, I still feel like it won't be too long before I'm let go.

After receiving very little assistance from my parents, I've finally paid off a medical bill for my braces that's been 4 years overdue. I think I might have to start investing in private health insurance. There goes more money. I've been issued with fines from the department of transport because, while under unnecessary stress, I took it all out on a ticket inspector who, in my opinion at the time, was being unreasonable and was unsympathetic to my situation. Granted, swearing at anyone in a position of authority is never bound to go down well, even when you know you're in the wrong.

I've got an ever increasing sense of isolation and loneliness, which has translated into paranoia and depression. I get home some nights and just want to crawl under my blankets and start crying. I've stopped enjoying all the things in life I used to enjoy. Hell, even stand-up from some of Britain's best is not enough to make me laugh anymore. I can feel my sanity slowly ebbing away from me as I become ever more stressed with trying to balance depression with work life, family life and friends. I'm constantly mood swinging too. I think it's time I saw my shrink again.

Physically I'm feeling drained and lethargic, and I'm also putting up with a throat ulcer that is having an impact on my speech, which sucks when you work in a call centre.

And yet despite all of this, I've still got the strength to wake up in the morning, look all of this in the face and say "Fuck you, life. I'm going to continue playing your game no matter what you throw at me". I've still got people that love me and I've still got another 80 or so years of life to try and live. I've not even started yet.

So to sum up, I'm depressed, lonely, bored as all fuck, but making it through, just barely.

If anyone is concerned about my welfare, I advise that I should be fine and that normal services shall resume very soon. If that still doesn't help, feel free to note me, message me on Facebook, Skype, MSN, whatever Ilosttrackofitallmonthsago…

And remember kids, invest in real estate.

I don't do these often, as you can probably tell (now that I can buy my own art :P), but there's something about being a character in a comic that really appeals.

 chioro is looking for characters. Please read http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3629333/

And I will hide ANY comments that berate me for this.

I don't know if any of you keep tabs on my life or something (stalkers!), but I did break off something earlier last night. A good friend, someone who loved me. I had to play it straight and tell them what was what.

I'd started an online relationship with someone over in the next state, a good 500 miles away. It all seemed to be going good, but over the course of just 3 weeks, I felt emotionally drained and didn't feel like it was going to work. It really wasn't going to work. Last night, I told this person what I felt.

The issue is, and I don't know if any of you know this, that I have a life outside the furry fandom. I work a full-time job. I have a large circle of friends. Ex school friends, furries, co workers, cosplayers, etc. At the moment, I have everything I need to live a peaceful life. I drink socially (and sometimes get smashed too! Who doesn't?!), I don't do drugs or cigarettes, and I'm still in the prime of my life where I'm still deciding on what I want.

I won't lie, I'm actually sick at the moment. I have a really resilient immune system. So resilient in fact that if I'm ever sick with a cold, I'm either bed ridden or still able to crawl out and live life normally. In the latter case, the illness lasts a ridiculously long time, otherwise, I'm alive and well within 2-3 days.

I'm thankful to be the latter, because despite feeling like vomiting everytime I cough and slowly losing my voice, I still have the strength to drag myself out of bed and go to work. I have to. Whatever hours I take off work, are hours that I don't get paid. I'm only hired on a casual role basis and non-permanent. Technically, I'm still classed as emergency staff, and if Suncorp ever decides that they need to downsize, I will be among the first they'd lay off.

My boss is telling me that she can move me into a more permanent position, but I'd have to work for it. This means no answering texts at work, and working on keeping that average handling time down. I did that yesterday, and I almost died of overwork. It was worth it though.

Going back to the original problem. I'm sorry, but when I'm hard at work and someone messages my phone, and I don't get back to them, the answer is not to bombard my phone with 18 more messages. That is just immature. I have expectations at work and I cannot be distracted while on the phone to customers. In fact, anything that demands I drop the important things in life and pay attention only to it, that isn't a fire emergency or a bomb threat, can get stuffed. Anyone that thinks that I can't go out drinking with a colleague after a good day at work is insane. Anything that wants to contest what I do can take up a trouble ticket with the internal disputes department of Suncorp and I will get back to them never.

I have a life. Respect it

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3268714/
 wingedzephyr
Buy it! Buuuy ittt~!

Since the last time I wrote on this, I've been on a road towards recovery that has seen me in a better mood than I was last time I wrote here. I've had higher spirits and I've had happier endings to my days. Someone commented to me "It's nice to see you smiling again".

I owe most of it to  devon148, who's helped me feel better about myself lately, and given me renewed hope in the future ahead <3. If I could hug him right now I would. I don't know what else I can say. I love you

Also I'm still at work, and still enjoying it. Hearing everything from drunks letting people steal their cars to people that think that I'm the one responsible for their missing cheques. It's pretty hilarious. Working with an old school friend of mine too.

And that's...pretty much everything I needed to say. I don't write on these journals much because I don't really have any reason to. I just thought I should let everyone know that I'm okay and that nobody needs to worry about me anymore

I will be honest. Things have not been going so smoothly for me in the past few weeks. I've been going through a severe bout of depression and anxiety about my current standing and where I will be going in the future, and it has certainly been taking its toll on me emotionally and mentally.

For those that have never seen how I normally behave in public, I consider myself socially awkward, shy and easily distracted. I sometimes blend into the background, which is something that works for and against me. I can have conflicting wants and needs, often wanting some attention, but wanting everyone to leave me alone. It's downright crazy.

I've traced back most of my erratic emotional state to one recent event: my partner leaving me.

It wasn't really an eventful, or dramatic, breakup. It just happened spontaneously, for a reason that still makes no sense to me and continues to bring pain and distress to me today. I'm heavily conflicted by it. I've never felt the same after that. I thought I found someone worth my love, my care, my attention. I was over the moon. Overjoyed. Excited, even. I found someone who I could let close to me and share myself with on a deeply intimate level, and for people that know me quite well, that is something that happens almost never.

Alas, when I let people get that close to me, it also means that they have the potential to cause severe mental, emotional and physical harm through no fault of their own.

I don't know what I want anymore. I'm slowly coming to accept that after post-relationship talks with my ex, that I will no longer have him again, and that is a truly sad reality. It's like when a mother holds onto the corpse of their newborn, clutching it, sobbing and denying that it's gone, and when anyone tries to tell them otherwise, they become irrational and violent.

The idea that I will never see him again scares me. It frightens me. It is most certainly the most conflicting feeling I have ever felt. Anger. Depression. Sadness. Distress. It's a noxious cocktail that leaves one on the receiving end in a state worse than that of an alcohol-induced hangover.

What really hurts is not the breakup, but for the three months that I was with him, all my efforts to ensure that he was well tended after, seemed to all be in vain. When all the trust, love and attention I paid over those months, gets destroyed in a matter of days, then I just feel like it wasn't worth the effort. I could never see myself doing that again, and if I did, it would probably never have been made with the same effort I did this time around.

I'll give you another example. I have a transgender friend, who I found silent, arms crossed in front of them, head on the table, saying nothing, responding to nobody. I empathise with this person, not only for their situation, but due to the way they appear to handle it very similar to the way I would. When there's something I want that I know I can't have, and it bothers me, I do almost exactly the same thing. I become silent, withdrawn from all social contact. Mainly it's supposed to be a way of seeking some form of specific attention, but I become even more withdrawn when someone decides to pay it. If I hear my name, I ignore it. If someone touches me, I ignore it. If, and this is on the rare occasion, someone were to guess what I wanted and gave me exactly what I wanted, I'd still feel like crap. This…conflicting emotion, downward spiral just distresses me further. What do I want? What do I wish for? Why can't I get it?

I've come to realise that life, really is, fucking unfair. It's so fucking unfair that it affects the way we perceive things, thoughts and feelings. It's always been in our nature as human beings to want the things we can't have, and chase after the dangling carrot. This is how we advance as a race. This is how we achieve the impossible. This is why we are where we are today.

But sometimes, I get sick of chasing that fucking carrot, and instead I wish I could be in control. I could dangle the carrot.

I'm not a hard person to read. Any person that actually spent enough time studying my personality would know that despite my hard shell and almost steel resolve, I have a rather fragile core. I cry just like every other human being. I anger just like every other human being. I feel joy just like every other human being.

In the end, all I really want is what everyone else wants too. Love. Acceptance. Recognition. Respect.

I won't lie, the only thing keeping me sane at this moment is my job at Suncorp. Not because it puts money in my pocket, but because for the first fucking time in my fucking life, I'm actually getting feedback for my effort. Praise for my work ethic. My team leader and co workers love and respect me. I get recognition for my achievements as a customer service agent. It puts a smile on my face every time I manage to make a customer happy. I've actually received emails from my team leader, who receives reports from customers on the charter line, about how I handle their queries with professionalism and due care.

Once this job ends, then where will I go?

I don't know. Only one way to find out.

Ignore my apparent absence of activity on FA. I am here and I do actually check this often. I've just had my time filled up with full-time work and whatnot.

I'm enjoying it. The first time I've had the pressure of not having money finally alleviated from me. Ive got more than enough to get through day to day, and then some. Might get into commissioning when my eyes are not pounding from a lack of sleep.

Hey guys

I'm writing a running journal about my experience at MiDFur. This will be updated every night I remember, provided I'm not drunk.

Day 1 - Rained this morning. Drove up with Groo, Kashim (Herein referred to as JägerHusky) and Anders. Checked in and brought my luggage up. Sun came out. Finally managed to meet Sketch. He's actually quite alright. Met Flareveon to retrieve my badge. I had a printout of Neonslushie's badge that was prepared for MiDFur, but I left it behind by accident, so I improvised with a scan on the iPad. Didn't really get to meet too many people. Most of the day was spent going between the con and the hotel room. We have a fuckton of Jäger and after I finish this entry I'm going to go drink. This is Haruka, signing out.

Day 2 - Slept in until about 9AM. Had Hungry Jack's for breakfast. I had a few conversations with other furs and generally got more sociable as time went past. In particular, I had a pretty lengthy conversation with Jibba Foxcoon about various things in my life and how they compared to his own. It was quite interesting to talk to someone from the states and have them give their own first hand encounters with Melbourne. If you hear about Rhinoes on skateboards, it was Yarra Trams' fault.

I also got incredibly drunk off Smirnoff Blood Orange Vodka. I was trying to experiment with the fine line between being drunk enough to get up on stage and sing in front of an audience effectively. I unfortunately got a little carried away and spent most of two hours yelling at inanimate objects and crying. :/

###MIDFUR ATTENDANCE MEME....... THING.####
*Meme Originally wiritten/created by edge
Nicked from  darkentiger

Where are you staying?
At the Arrow on Swanston

What day are you getting there?
On the Wednesday

Where will you be most of the time during the days?
Hanging off  anderswolf's arm, probably around everywhere. I'm not hard to miss

Where will you be most of the time during the nights?
Probably the hotel room, or at the ChoGao down the road drinking with  anderswolf,  martydingo or Sketch

Who will you be hanging out with?
 anderswolf,  huskytime and everyone else I know and want to meet

Can we hang out?
Of course. I'm going to meet new people. Feel free to ask :)

Who are you hoping to meet?
Sketch. We've had a few conversations here and there and I really wouldn't mind catching up with him for a drink

What time do you get up/go to bed?
I'll probably be in bed by 12am, and up by 7

What's the best way to get a hold of you?
Android phone takes Facebook messages, Twitter DMs, Push Gmail, text messaging, PingChat, and Google Talk. Services for iOS such as iMessaging will only be active when I'm in the hotel room with wifi tethering turned on. Long story short, just text or call me. Listen out for the bi-winning ringtone

Do you do free art/trades?
Sorry. Can't draw

Are you selling anything at MiDFur?
No, I'm afraid not

What do you look like?
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5388368/

Do you have a fursuit?
Nope

Hugs?
If I don't get any I will be very disappointed

Can I talk to you?
Yes. Yes. All the talking. I want to be kept occupied #occupyHaruka.

Can I look in your sketchbook?
I'll bring it. There isn't much to look at though

Can I draw in your sketchbook?
Yeah. Definitely

Can I buy you a drink?
Mhmm. Definitely

Can I take your picture?
Yes. Definitely.

I can't wait for it, hope everyone get there safely and let have some fun ^^

Wll, I'll be seeing a lot of you at MiDFur, so I thought I'd give insight into what I have been doing over this past week, which has been...

[size=36]ABSO-BLOODY-LUTELY NOTHING AT ALL[/size]

I've finished training. I've got my high school results, I've got a date and time for my interview with Aegis, and I'm waiting for tertiary institutions to get back to me on the 16th of January. As a result, I've practically been on standby all week. My life is currently on pause. No obligations to anyone, to do anything, or go anywhere.

So I've been doing stuff here and there. Doing house work, exercising, driving the Pug around town, spending time with  anderswolf and generally being lazy by napping during the afternoon.

By Sunday, I should have everything packed up and ready to go. Tuesday I'll be out gathering some last minute things like snacks and drinks, and then it's off to MiDfur on Wednesday

As per usual, anyone that wants to contact me can do so in practically any way possible. Just send me a note and I'll give contact details. I don't bite. Honestly

Well, I've made it through to another new year and I'm still around here. It's hard to believe it's been over a year since I posted this up.

It's been one hell of a ride. I've been moving around, a lot. In the past 12 months I've managed to finish school, complete vocational training and work towards tertiary education. I didn't think I'd get this far. If you remember one of the things I posted up at the start of the year, I was very nearly going to drop the ball and go straight into the workforce. I'm glad I stuck with school and I'm pleased with the (lack of) effort I've put in that's paid itself off in the form of a VCE.

A few people I need to thank:
Firstly, . Kashim is that oddball of a friend who I'm glad to have. I commend you for being able to put up with me occupying your house for a few weeks as I sorted crap out at home.
Bell, following in my footsteps (hopefully not exactly MY footsteps x3) to completing school, and for being one of the first furries I started to get into contact with regularly
Marty, I don't know how you or I managed to put up with each other during a 5 week training course. I still haven't backhanded you yet like I promised I would
Fima (I can't remember your FA <_>), always making me feel happy and being there for those around me. I know I'm short :3
Saba, I think there's a lot I can thank you for. Opening my eyes and showing me how I should and shouldn't be behaving in this fandom.

But lastly, and I wanted to save this one for his own paragraph, I wanted to thanks Anders, my lovely boyfriend <3 for being a derp. My derp. My Derpy Hooves :3 <---#TotallyABronyInTenSecondsFlat

I know there's more I should be thanking. For what reasons, though, I can't come up with in my head, for they have all helped me here and there in both small and large ways whole. I love all you guys <3.

--Haruka

Stolen from derpy hooves himself  anderswolf

ALL | ABOUT | ME
____________________________________________________________________________

- Name: Haruka "Pyrocat" Saruwatari
- Single or taken: Taken
- Sex: Male
- Birthday: August 30
- Sign: Virgo
- Hair color: Violet, fades to copper after a while
- Eye color: Brown
- Height: 169cm
- Are you straight/bisexual/gay?: Gay
____________________________________________________________________________

S P E C I F I C S
____________________________________________________________________________

- What kind of shampoo do you use?: Whatever is in the shower at the time. Going to get Garnier Fructus Colour shampoos
- What are you listening to right now?: The sound of silence
- Who is the last person that called you?: Kashim
- How many buddies are online right now?: Maybe 20?
____________________________________________________________________________

F A V O R I T E S
____________________________________________________________________________

- Animal: Hybrid, domestic cat+silver fox
- Color: Purple, black and white
- Drink: Coffee
- Element: Fire
- Food: Cheese
- Game: Peggle
- Movie: Hot Fuzz
- Song: Alanis Morrissette - Hand In My Pocket
- Subjects in school: Accounting
- T.V.: Blaupunkt brand...oh? TV *show*?
____________________________________________________________________________

H A V E | Y O U | E V E R
____________________________________________________________________________

- Given anyone a bath?: Yes
- Smoked?: Yes
- Bungee jumped?: No
- Made yourself throw up?: No
- Skinny dipped?: No
- Ever been in love?: Yes
- Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: Yes
- Pictured your crush naked?: Yes
- Actually seen your crush naked?: Yes
- Cried when someone died?: No
- Lied: Yes
- Fallen for your best friend?: Yes
- Used someone?: Yes
- Done something you regret?: Yes.
____________________________________________________________________________

C U R R E N T
____________________________________________________________________________

- Clothes: White Shirt, Old school dress pants.
- Desktop picture: My Reference sheet
- CD in player: Don't have one
- DVD in player: Don't have one

____________________________________________________________________________

L A S T | P E R S O N
____________________________________________________________________________

- You touched: Myself
- Hugged: Marty
- You kissed: Derpy Hooves  anderswolf <3
- You IMed: My ex
- Talk to online: ^
- You sexed it up with: ...
___________________________________________________________________________

A R E | Y O U
___________________________________________________________________________

- Understanding?: Yes
- Open-minded?: Yes
- Arrogant?: Yes
- Insecure?: Yes
- Random?: Yes
- Hungry?: Always
- Smart?: Very
- Moody?: Yes
- Organized?: No
- Shy?: Only around new people
- Difficult?: Can be
- Bored easily?: Yes
- Entertained easily?: Yes
- Obsessed?: Yes
- Lazy?: Yes
- Angry?: Hmm? Not really, no
- Happy?: eeeeeeyup ^_^
- Hyper?: *bounces off a wall*
- Trusting?: Sometimes
___________________________________________________________________________

R A N D O M
___________________________________________________________________________

- In the morning I: Realised I fell asleep to "We used to be friends"
- Love is: *copypastas journal footer*
- I dream about: I can't remember.
- What do you notice first in the sex you're into: Their hair
___________________________________________________________________________

W H O
___________________________________________________________________________

- Makes you laugh the most:  huskytime
- Makes you smile:  anderswolf
- Gives you a funny feeling when you see him/her: Mum
___________________________________________________________________________

D O | Y O U | E V E R
___________________________________________________________________________

- Sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to IM you?: Yes
- Wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: Not really, no
- Wish you were younger?: I wish I could stop growing older
- Cry because someone said something to you?: Not anymore. I don't seem to be able to
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N U M B E R
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- Of times I have had my heart broken?: 7
- Of Cd's I own: 0
- Of scars on my body: A few small ones
- Of bones I've broken: 0

Today, i got my VCE results. For those who have no idea what I'm on about, it's essentially my end of high school results that determine where I should go in terms of tertiary education or work.

My ATAR ended up being 66.70. This means that I did better than 2/3 of the state. This is impressive for someone who put sweet fuck all into Year 12 of high school. It's disappointing for someone like me, but it's rather impressive, I've found, amongst everyone I know.

This rank probably means I won't be getting into a university right away. I'm going to consider taking a gap year and working so I can start living a little more. This score means nothing to me in the long term, it's just an immediate indicator of where I can go in terms of further education.

Hokay...so...a few minutes ago I threw up a bit of a point about how it should not be implied that the black fur makes the black jeans, black t-shirt, and black collar all mesh together to look like one big murry purry jumpsuit. While I wouldn't mind that, that wasn't the intention I was going for.

I had to boot into Linux to get a cover letter, and I discovered quite quickly when I opened the image again that the fur was not pure black. It was brown-black, as I recall asking for.

The reason why this didn't happen, I later found out, was because of how I had set up my colour settings. I'd tweaked it ever so slightly to increase gamma and contrast, but decrease brightness. It all looked okay, but when I restored the settings, BUAHA! The brown-black came back.

To illustrate this, I have two photos, one of what I was seeing, and another with what I should have been seeing. They both have the colour lines in them to illustrate what my settings were

Modified settings; http://dl.dropbox.com/u/17578122/IM.....124_013141.jpg
Default: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/17578122/IM.....124_013052.jpg

it's probably a stupid thing to raise, as most people probably won't tweak their graphics card settings to enhance the colour and contrast, but I was just stunned at how a little change made a really bid difference in what I was seeing.

Well...I deleted the Fursona summary I've had on my page for the last 10 months.

My original plan was to cut and paste it into a new journal...but I kind of forgot the "paste" bit of the equation.

Oh well...my profile needed a refresh. It was starting to get old, bloated with useless junk, and I felt like doing it now...I probably should have loaded that dishwasher and gone to bed...but meh.

---

In other news, I have started training, and finished high sch-- OH CRAP! THE VALEDICTORY! IT'S TOMORROW!

EGAD!

...*cough*

Anyway...yes, I have finished school...

Well, in contradiction to my last post, I've decided to go one up from a Netbook.

I will be buying a MacBook Air, 13" model with the Core i5.

It's a case of needing something that will not just be comfortable to pull out whenever, but comfortable to use, type on, etc.

I've always been a bit of a Mac fan. I once turned one of the home PCs into a hackintosh, which worked for a time, but it eventually broke (age of the parts, not the OSes fault in any way). I've never owned an iMac or a MacBook at any stage, purely because I've never been able to justify the price of it. I once nicknamed the original MacBook Air the "Snap"", because it was too thin for what I considered a viable laptop.

Having played with a mid-2011 model, I can say I'm thoroughly pleased. The screen is nice and bright, it's awfully light, about the same as a netbook, and at a 7 hour battery life, it makes my 15.6" Acer cry.

The $1449 pricetag doesn't scare me off, but it's sort of out of pocket for me at the moment. Suffice to say, I'm at least 1/10th of the way there, which isn't saying much.

Erf...well...I'm probably going to University. Yay, whoo.

I've always wanted a netbook. I like cheap, and extremely novel items. While a netbook is hardly a novel item anymore, when I saw the Asus Eee PC 701SD in Officeworks many years ago, I couldn't help but awe over it. It was extremely novel to me. A laptop the size of, well, a novel!

Now things have really taken off, and everyone's caught onto the craze. HP, Acer, Toshiba, and even MSI are making netbooks, which does leave me with a lot of choice.

What makes the choice much more difficult are twofold. Firstly, not all netbooks are made equal. While all the basic specs are the same (Intel Atom, 1GB RAM, 7 Starter), the internals and the actual build quality between brands and netbooks differ vastly. I need something that's a little...durable or something.

Secondly, I plan to strip Windows 7 off it and replace it with a netbook-specific linux distro (most likely Debian-based). Wifi adapters, graphics controllers, bluetooth adapters, sound, LAN, ports, all of that, need to be pretty standard and based on open components that have 100% Linux support. I know first hand the hassle of getting a piece of hardware that isn't properly working to work on Linux (fucking brightness control...how many commands did I have to bash into a console before it worked again?). Of utmost importance is that the Wifi works. If I have to install NDISwrapper to use the Wifi, it's going straight back to the shop where it came from.

Thirdly, as I am a student, the price of this netbook cannot exceed $500. Something with decent battery life, don't care what the screen's like, or the processor (as long as it isn't a Celeron D), or the Hard Disk space is like (I can always buy a new one if I need to). There are netbooks out there which are in the 4 figure territory (*cough*VAIO*cough*).

In Summary:
*It needs to be built well
*EVERYTHING on the laptop needs to work with Linux
*Cannot exceed $500

The 2nd point is hard to ensure, as most reviews won't actually cover anything about the Wifi or Bluetooth, other than "It works".

This post is supposed to be more directed to other furries out there who have netbooks and might be able to help me decide what the best one to get is.

I'm so sorry if this is all written in broken and hard to make out English, my head hurts and I'm still hurting over something that I learned about last night. If anyone wants to help, please leave a comment below.

Thanks <3

--Haruka

Okay, remember about 8 months ago I'd said I hated school and felt like I wasn't going to do well?

Well, I'll tell you now, I'm still here. The very last day of formal classes for me. The very...last...day. After this I have a breakfast to attend in fancy dress, one week of recoup and study, and then exams for my subjects.

Nerve-wracking? Hell yes. Am I worried? Not really. I've made it this far, and I will make it further.

After exams, after school, after all this, I'll have all the free time in the world to catch up with people, and everything.

I won't be at MiDFur 13 next year. After stepping down, I didn't think I'd be going, so I didn't provision the savings I want. I can recoup the money I need by January, but it really seems pointless at this point.

Thanks for following and keeping up with my boring and somewhat idle life in 2011. It will only be up from here...I hope :)