Since the Beginning of this year, something has been heavy on my heart.

These last three has been such a rocky road.
From learning how to break down the mask I had put up to avoid my truths, to reworking my brain after my trauma.
It's really been a long road, it was until recently I hadn't really noticed how much I've grown until people around me mentioned it.

I have regrets and things I'm really ashamed of, however those things were done by a person I don't recognize anymore.
She is no longer me...
That woman allowed a man to break down her spirit and just accept all the bad he did or gave.
Listened to the lies and pushed her to lie to keep her so called happiness.
I desperately wanted to be loved and due to that I had became too blind and numb to the damages around me and sadly it was a constant thing..
it felt endless...
and even when I knew it was wrong... when i didn't want to but end up doing it things to keep him happy and I had lost my voice..
I never said any of the really bad stuff..
And that's one of many regrets I have...
I should have spoken up. I should have told those around me what was truly going on and it is my fault.
I allowed myself to suffer in silence for a long time because I was too scared to share the bad with the people that cared and loved me..
I desperately want to pretend everything was okay.
Though people knew bits and pieces, no one knew the full story...

I kept everyone I loved at a great distance from it all because of my shame, my pride as a person...
I kept this mask up, a facade to keep the truth from smacking me right in my own face.
I knew some people could see through it, and for the longest, I would lie to keep everyone from worrying or judging.

I wasn't happy, I wasn't okay..
I would walk down to the gardens and wanted to end it all..
it was just as simple as laying face down in the water and letting go..
I wanted that alot at the end of most days back then.

However my best friend saved me, as well as few friends in real life and online..
their efforts helps, it took a long time for me to see it, and i saw it before it got too late.
One of best friends had dropped everything and came for me, with no hesitation.
And thus began my journey of self discovery and worth...
they were there for me at my worst moment and never allowed me to feel ashamed for expressing my pain so late..

It has been such a hard experience, finally leaving someone I thought I truly loved after 8 years, having ptsd from my trauma from relationship.
Learning how to address and express my true emotions, and slowly breaking that mask I had kept up for so many years...
I never thought I would be okay
Never thought I would find my peace because of everything..
I carried that baggage with me like a mark...
I was always conflicted.

I blamed myself for so much.

But as I am sitting reflecting, I realized I have grown, in the last year..

I finally smile a lot and it's not fake!
I laugh hard and I love even harder.
I am grateful to be here, alive..
knowing that I made it through all that and in the end I found myself, and the self respect needed to put this behind me.
I still have bad days, my ptsd hasn't left me but we all have bad days.
I've learned how to manage those bad days and express when I need to...
I'm grateful for everyone I know.
And I am also thankful for all who have been there through this entire journey.
I know it wasn't easy being my friend through it all..

After today, I will live my life to the fullest, be honest and loving to those around me.
That mask has been gone for moments and I am finally proud of myself, I'm grateful and happy with my life.
At the end of the day..
it made me a stronger person.
It's time to close the last chapter of this book and start a new one completely.

Lastly To my online friends,
I am sorry for all the pain I may caused people before and after my journey began.
I carried such baggage I was still blind, I was so overwhelmed and confused with keeping my pain at bay.

Allie, Annah, and Bunbun, Shawn, Wade, Rhys, and Peppy.
Thank you for being those that never judged me for my screaming silence that happened during my darkest hours, looking past it and seeing the pain I was so desperately trying to avoid.
I Love you guys and I am happy to know each of you, even when we don't talk much.
I am grateful to have you all in my heart.


And for those I lost during my journey.
I forgive the fact you judged me and saw only the broken parts of me.
I know my negativity was unbearable.
I am sorry that our friendships ended.
I will love you better from a distance 💚

In a Universe where there were many moons and countless plants lived the Moon Goddess Yin. She lived on the brightest moon in her galaxy, magaical and angelic city she has created for herself and her moonfolk. Yin was pure energy and fought the darkness for centuries. She soon gave birth to twins, one boy and one girl, both never apart from one another. Yueh and Ying were born to guard the sides of the moon. Watching her children grow, she knew Yueh was destined to be dark. Yueh was prank the moon folk and was able to hypontize anyone, even the mages. Ying was shy and quiet but usually enjoyed his sister's pranks, always followed her, their tails always linked.

As they got old Yin started to train them seperately. While Ying was taught in the way of the light and his personal abilities. Yueh was taught to control her darkness growing inside of her and the lightening that started flowing when she got mad. Yueh was different from her twin, Their mother was harder on her and always said she was too much like her father, the man they don't speak of. Yueh was stronger than her twin, she never rubbed it in his nose because it even scared herself.

On their 150 birthday they were summon to their posts on the moon. The twins knew it was only goodbye until the next full moon. They hugged themselves one last time and said their goodbyes to their mother. Both to journey different directions.

Yueh traveled down the path she watching as she could see the darkside of the moon approaching. The deity was feeling so many emotions but she was finally out from under her mother's wing. Yueh traveled into the dark, her eyes glowing, due to her training, the young one had the capability of seeing in the dark. She soon made herself at home in an old abandoned moon castle, changing the decor and adding some lights to make it brighter. She missed her brother dearly but she knew he could handle himself. Years would go by and the dirty would fight against the darkness on her side of the moon, she would find herself excited for the evil's visits.

Yueh grew sassy and slightly sadistic towards the evil that she came across, pranking and toying with their minds. Even used here golden lightening to her advantage, beings the moonrick around her to life. Her abilities grew as she got older. She still fought the darkness inside her but the young deity could bot help but enjoy the way the killing made her feel. She was unaware of her mother's watchful eyes, sometimes forgetting even that she was just killing to protect her mother's kingdom.

However, each new moon Yueh would turn into her old happy self when she looked upon her brother face. The twin would even noticed the change in his sister. Over the years the more they visited each other, Ying grew concern for her well being. The deities were summoned for their second test, while Ying prevailed, Yueh failed.

Her goddess mother's filled the anger for her daughter's failures over the years finally reached it break. Yin no longer believe that with the shadow of the moon was safe for Yueh, that the more she was exposed to it, the more she became like her father. The goddess knew the choice was going to be difficult however it was the only way to change her daughter dark path.

Yueh slept comfortably with her twin brother in their bed, unaware of their mother's rage. Yin could not bring herself to wake her daughter in her peaceful sleep. She simply gently carried Yueh to her imprisonment stone. As her mother placed her there she gently cupped Yueh's face, for she knew this was the last time she would see her daughter. She simply gave her a "I'm sorry" before placing a sleeping spell on her and encasing her within the moon stone. Her twin suddenly woke up when he realized his sister was no longer beside him. He had followed his mother and watched the whole scene play out however there was nothing he could do, he was to scared of the same fate. He didn't even get to say goodbye prior to his mother moving the stone into the loading zone. Yin knew what she was doing would only cause her daughter more suffering however she had hoped that the stone would never land on a surface.

Yueh's stone wander through many comsos before ever finally landing on a plant far away from home. Still completely unaware of her Banishment, her imprisoned stone crashed into meadow, leaving a large crater in its wake. Over the years every full moon the stone would leak moon water, overtime becoming a pond that only lit up at night. The water was clear, cold and deep, unable to see the stone that once created it, after 75 years a purple moon finally appeared.

This caused Yueh's prison to crack open allowing water to come inside her stone. She woke up in a very drained state, not understand where she was or what was going on, she didn't even recognize her own body. Her hands were translucent and weird tendrils were moving around her, in her confusion she starts to squirm around, her tendrils and orals sticking to stone whilst she recalls her last memories. The only thing she could recall was her mother's voice saying she was sorry, this enraged the young jellyfish, knowing now she had been casted out from her home.

The rage began to send sparks all over her small body, her tentacles pushing and pressing against the stone that keeps her locked away. The stone moved slightly and water began pouring in causing Yueh to panic even more, wanting a way out. Everything started to become overwhelming for her making her grab her head and close her eyes, she couldn't think straight or focus on her situation. As the water filled her gills, the rage only grew stronger, and unknown to her, Yueh's body started to glow.

Yueh started to shake her head, hearing her mother's voice and not understanding why she had been banished. What did she do wrong, what was her punishment, question after question only consumed her. Finally she bursted out screaming, letting a massive shock sphere and allowing the moonstone to break even more. As she opened her eyes, her body had gone full bright in her rage whilst moving towards the crack that let the water in.

The jellyfish pushed her orals and tendrils against it, some slightly slithering there way in. Yueh pulsed her electricity into it as she became to push, her sparks flying around her as she breaks the stone. The betrayal fueled her as she screams out, wanting to be free from her imprisonment. The more she pushes, the more her body squished into the space as she breaks out of the stone. Her electricity filling the water around her as she made her way to the surface of the pond.

Yueh glared up at the purple moon, reminding her of her mother's role in life causing sparks to form around her orals, making the water around her light up. "Why" she screamed, "why did you do this to me! Am I too much like my father!" The louder she screamed the more her words turned into incomprehensible as the rage is uncontrollable, the young jellyfish eyes turn gold and her power surged through the water.

Hello!
I am sorry I haven't posted in awhile. It's been quite the past few months and I took the time just to take pictures and not really upload them. HOWEVER, I do plan to start posting!

Just bare with me for those who follow me


❤🧡💛💚💙💜

Hey everyone!!

is having a free raffle at the moment and I thought I would share the information <3 PLEASE watch, favorite and comment~ EVEN make your own journal entry for an extra number~

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/35230210/