With everything going on in my life right now, I think it's time I left. I just don't want to do anything anymore.

Anybody here have any tips on skin tones? Everything I do turns out either eraser pink or like i dragged it through mud or crap. Any advice? Also will be posting a character later tonight, and asking the same stuff

I'm a hunter. I kill other animals for my meat. However, there is much of the animal that I do not use. I leave the guts for other animals (bar heart and liver, those are food), but the skin and bones typically go in the trash after the hanging and butchering respectively. I'm trying to find ways to incorporate more of the animals into my life, such as tanning and bonework. One idea I had was to incorporate bones into my fursuits. Note that the animals I kill are not, and never will be, used exclusively, or even primarily, for decoration. I only kill food (and those fuckers that eat my garden, but that's different). So I guess I'm wondering if, since the animal is killed to feed me, can I craft fursuiting accessories from the skin, bones, claws, and teeth (yes, some of my food has claws, bear is yummy)....

Will be uploading some character designs this weekend for a comic I've been wanting to start. I've decided to get going with it, I might as well! (The lack of work + newfound time to actually fucking do this have NOTHING to do with the decision). I already have one character pretty much set in mind, and he's gonna be tough...

Anyway, I'm excited to be starting on this project. It's a horror/romance/slice of life if that makes any sense. Lots of fluff, real life issues, and lots of violence, blood, and gruesome transformations for the kiddos. I'm planning on a pretty slow burn, but hopefully will be worth it in the end!

I'm going to start making custom plushes for folks, and since my name's not really known, I'll be doing some free ones to start. Anybody's interested, leave a comment with ref sheet. Probably won't do clothes for a while, but please try to keep it sfw. I'll post the finished product, you get the plush, and you post it up saying who did it. Idk, people, I'm broke as hell and need a way to make some money. I can sew and crochet, so guess i can put that to work?

Hey, just started a story called The Wendigo (a bloo bloo bloooooooo)!

Look, this is... Not gonna be for everyone. There is blatant racism, sexism, pretty much every other -ism.

It deals with a man in early 1800s Idaho, settling there and "civilizing" it, eventually becoming a wendigo. He's. A. Bad. Man. I expect to get some flak over it, but please realise it is a work of fiction that doesn't reflect my views (except that wendigos are cool).

All fiction, any resemblance to persons living or dead bla bla bla pure coincidence, fictional town, and if you can actually find me evidence of a man turning into a wendigo in North Idaho 1830s, I'll eat your liver.

Yeah, looks like I'm back... Jesus fucking crispy Christ in Buffalo Sauce, Batman.

Kay, kiddies, it's been a rough goddam ride for me. From losing jobs, losing a relationship, losing 1...2....3...oh, FOUR homes, one car, and pretty much every bit of my will to live... Gaining in return 100 pounds, a piece of shit car, a smoking habit worse than before, and enough sheer fucking apathy to choke half of 'Murica, I'm back here.

I have a PC now, and a drawing tablet that I have no idea how to use. I'm testing it, and working on something for Pride Month. Won't be much special, just a scenery piece. Why's it for Pride? Cause it's Pride Month, and I will incorporate something Pridey (Pridish? Prideful? Pridicational?) in the picture. Maybe that will get me to feel something aside from fat, gross, and empty.

I'm working on a calorie budget now, as well as going on the patch. Trying to fix my body before I can't. At 5'7", 250 pounds is not a bit flattering. I'm ridiculously out of shape. Haven't touched a drink since April 28, 2017 9:30PM (not that I'm counting, ha ha), and I don't even remember the last time I was baked. There's so much wrong that I have to right.

As far as artwork, there will be some pretty major changes. I bit off way more than I could chew with my past work, and I need to get to basics. This is where my tablet comes in. CTRL+Z is easier on a computer than it is on a sketchbook. I'll probably dribble out the occasional prose and poetry, mayhap a short story or two, depending on my mood. One thing will be clear from here on:

It's not okay.

Ladies, gentlemen, and variations thereupon, I am quickly approaching what must be the darkest point in my life. I have my friends, my S.O., and my family, and I feel that I could leave it all behind at a moment's notice. What used to make me happy, now inspires ennui at best, and pain at worst.

Solution?

Draw what hurts. Write what hurts. Force my pain and stagnancy to show their faces on the screen, make them scream their existence to the world. Maybe if I throw a big enough fit, I can snap myself out of it.

Or hey, I could always lop off a bit of my ear, soak myself in wine, paint sunflowers, and keep a Lefaucheux in my breast pocket. My shit'll be worth millions come the next century or so.

Expectations from anyone reading this?

Just do you, boo. I'm not asking for help, guidance, or attention. It's a journal, and I'm using it as such. Read it, or don't. React, or don't. I'll be plugging along for the forseeable future, assuming some royal twat doesn't sneeze on me. (I wouldn't be so lucky... I barely catch colds anymore, and I know I'll stay in perfect health until I get denied my unemplpyment. Yeah fuck you COVID, I was almost stable)

So here's the thing... Boo, world's cutest dog, dies recently..... Around the same time, I see an announcement for John Wick 3: Parabellum....

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

I will be crocheting and selling hats and scarves for those interested in commissioning one from me. I do good work, and I will charge a fair price based on cost and time. This is not my fulltime job, so I don't need to support myself with it. Anybody who is interested can note me and we will discuss options such as size, colors, patterns, and materials. Will also need to know the location of my buyer (just general stuff like country, state/province, nothing crazy) so I know how much to ship and when it sshould arrive. Specific patterns are welcome, but please include a link to said pattern if at all possible (I may not know it).
Thank you all so much!

So things are kinda fuckish right now.... Probably gonna lose my job, my housing... Car's dead in the water, just about. Good news is I have my mate and my pencil, and a pretty sweet character concept coming when my art doesn't eat shit like it currently does. Hopefully I can get out of the rut that I'm in before I go all-hope-is-gone status. Too much caffeine, getting fat again.... Fuckall, it needs to stop now. Here's hoping...

So I just found out about the word cisgender. For those who don't know, a cisgender person is somebody whose gender identity and birth sex are the same. It might just be me, but cisgender seems redundant. I mean think about it. You have male, you have female. Then you have gender-fluidity and hermaphrodite/middlesex identity, then there's transgender, which I also don't think needs a word. I believe that if you identify as x gender, then you are x gender, and should be classified as such. With so many genetic mutations out there, is it so strange that a man ends up trapped in a woman's body, or a woman in a man's, someone who is equal-gender or no gender at alll? And I will say this, just because every time i say mutation, I get that one guy who says: hey don't call me a mutant! EVERYBODY IS A MUTANT. EVERY DIFFERENCE THAT MAKES US BEAUTIFUL IS A MUTATION IN OUR GENETIC CODE.

Yes, by the way, I know there is a huge amount of gray area I'm not covering, and I ask that I am forgiven for not mentioning every variation of gender and gender identity in this post.

Anyway, more to my point. Cisgender/transgender seems offensive to me, in the same way hetero/homosexual used to be. Seems like this is a word simply for outlining and ostracizing the many, many differences in humans. Why can't we just say "I'm a <your gender identity here>"? Like me. I'm a guy. I was born a guy, I will die a guy. However, I make it a point to identify a person as he/she/they according to THEIR IDENTITY, NOT THEIR BODY. I admit, I mess up a lot with gender fluidity and the singular "they" but that's just because it's confusing to me and awkward to use when I talk. I mean no offense by it, unless I'm trying to offend the person I'm addressing, but that's a little different. Point is, we don't need so many words, nor do we need a news flash every time somebody turns out to be transgender or gay or white and married to a black man (remember when THAT was newsworthy?). I have a word that fits well for everybody. It's an old word, and has been the most accurete definition of every person, no matter who they are.

That word is human.

I just got myself a new job! Better pay than my last job by .75/hour, guaranteed full time, and a raise after one month! My availability, understandably, will be less than it was this past month, but I'll be able to afford things again! Maybe even.... A COMPUTER!

Gonna be doing a RWBY fanart arc, and I've already posted the first member, and leader of, Team ERCB (Irascible), Erasmus Poe! He is a raven who uses a leaf-bladed glaive that converts into a high-output machine gun and I love him! R C and B will be on their way soon, I promise!

I'm hoping one of my job leads bites soon. I've had to resort to donating plasma to keep myself in food and smokes, as well as pay for my phone. It's not so bad... Except have you ever blacked out for a few seconds while going 80 MPH (roughly 130KMH) in traffic? I need the money, and I know they need the plasma. I'm helping save lives, and keeping myself alive too... But wow, it is scary sometimes... I think I need a place close by to my plasma center just in case (I do plan to continue doing this after I get work, after all), because right now it takes me about an hour to drive home. Sometimes I'm so woozy, I don't remember how I got home at all. Although, there is one unexpected benefit that comes from doing this. The sleep you get from blood loss (yes I know they give the red cells back but it still takes a massive toll on me. Don't ask why) is the best sleep ever!!!

I'm back, got some new ideas, and am hopefully not gonna be planning for bloody revenge as I wait for my mate to get out of surgery. I will be posting again over the weekend, I promise

I know I haven't been exactly Captain Active, but I have to leave for a bit to take care of my mate. She went in for a tooth extraction and they stopped halfway through. She is in a lot of pain right now, so I'm gonna be waiting on her hand and foot. I hope to be back soon, thanks for everybody's understanding. The mass indifference of all the people that will not see this journal is also appreciated. Go raibh maith agat

Anybody else have the Crunchyroll app? If so, do you have this issue?
The shows I watch freeze, then repeat the audio of the previous 10-25 seconds. Again. And again. And again. And a-fucking-gain. Any ideas? Or should I just uninstall this app?

I'm quick, have a great pain tolerance, good reflexes, am flexible, insanely brutal, insane, and can break cast iron pots and pans with. My. Hands. Not exaggerating.

SO WHY IS IT I AM ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED OF JOB INTERVIEWS! DAMMIT!

Changed Wulf's name. I don't like it much anymore. Gonna call him Phelan now. Phelan Remusson. Since I have so little going for him, I can do that I think. A bit of a revamp, freshen him up.

Don't remember where I was
I realized life was a game
The more seriously I took things
The harder the rules became
I had no idea what it cost
My life flashed before my eyes
I found out how little I accomplished
All my plans denied

So as you read this
Know my friends
I'd love to stay with you all
Please smile when you think of me
My body's gone
That's all

A tout le monde
A tout mes amis
Je vous aime
Je doir partir
These are the last words I'll ever speak
And they'll set me free

If my heart was still alive
I know it would surely break
And my memories left with you
There's nothing more to say

Moving on, it's a simple thing
What it leaves behind is hard
You know the sleeping feel no more pain
But the living are scarred

A tout le monde
A tout mes amis
Je vous aime
Je doir partir
These are the last words I'll ever speak
And they'll set me free

So as you read this, know my friends
I'd love to stay with you all
Please smile, smile when you think about me
My body's gone, that's all

A tout le monde
A tout mes amis
Je vous aime
Je doir partir
These are the last words I'll ever speak
And they'll set me free

The song is A Tout Le Monde by Megadeth. If you speak more French than I do, feel free to put the accents where they belong. Mine is limited to what I hear in heavy metal and other music.

So yeah. Feeling a little dead inside lately. I really don't know where to turn, what would be right. I'm making so many mistakes in my relationships, making one bad decision after another, all with the best intentions. I try to save the ones I love, try to pick the lesser of two evils, but it ends up so bad that it hurts some of them to even see me. I feel like it's all some kind of sick joke, where you are given Options A, B, and C to solve your problem, but what you don't know is there is an Option D that will solve the problem painlessly for everybody. The catch is, even if you are made aware of it, it is not an available option to you. Just sit back and watch the woman you love look at you and just cry. You want to comfort her, hold her, make the fucking pain go away, but guess what?

You caused it.

It's your fault.

Have fun.

Yeah, 250 page visits! Thanks to everyone who comments, favorites, watches (I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE!) or just swings by! I plan for more, and better, so I hope to keep this momentum going!

Guess I'm not that kinky after all. I always felt myself to be a sadomasochist, but that's mostly when I fight. I love delivering pain to stupid people....
== Results from bdsmtest.org ==
94% Vanilla
87% Experimentalist
85% Switch
84% Primal (Hunter)
80% Exhibitionist
69% Non-monogamist
65% Voyeur
53% Submissive
53% Dominant
46% Rigger
28% Master/Mistress
22% Brat tamer
14% Primal (Prey)
13% Ageplayer
12% Slave
11% Owner
11% Daddy/Mommy
10% Rope bunny
10% Girl/Boy
8% Sadist
8% Brat
4% Masochist
4% Pet
2% Degrader
1% Degradee

Holy hellfuck it's 5:13AM as I write this! I've been watching Durarara!! And just started Durarara!! x2, and I am so impressed by how complicated and dramatic everything is! This is exactly why I can't deny my otaku side. Six months without any anime at all... Then  nightshade480 shows up with season 3 of RWBY (I know, not TECHNICALLY anime), Karas, .hack//SIGN and .hack//ROOTS. Now my inner Japanophile is going all Godzilla and melting all my other fandoms with its atomic breath! Seriously, this could be a huge prob- ZAPPPPPPP!
....What is this website and where is my anime?
Desu.

Coloring in some of my old artwork with some pastels I got today, I will be posting these new color versions later on tonight.