Haven't used this account much in some time. May come back to upload and draw art, maybe not. Been lacking in motivation due to stress, drama, real life situations, etc. We will see.

Happy Valentine's Day everybody! To all of the lovers out there! Here's to me and my left paw as I drink to my sorrows of loneliness!

I just want to say happy thanksgiving! I know I haven't been the best wolfy lately but I'm still grateful and love those who are still here with me. I'm still thankful for the ones that have been in my life and are not. I'm thankful for the good and happy memories. Be safe everybody!

...he's president. ...we're all screwed. Shit...

...is no longer with me. I've had him for almost 11 years. May he rest in peace.

Well, I've had to here with Skype. I mean, I still use it, but I think I'll be less likely to use it and move straight onto Telegram.

Now, if anybody wants to add me on Telegram, here's how to find me: Guilbert_Hawkings

Hope to see you guys there! ^.^

I'm just throwing this out there just because... Anybody want to be my valentine?

I'm 22 now. I'm old as hell...

Happy New Year everybody! Here's to 2016. Whoo!

Things are slowly, but surely, coming back together. Lately, I've been having problems with my laptop but it seems to be making a full recovery. And my drawing motivation is slowly coming back and my smile is back, so that's good too. I don't want to stop making friends. I want to keep moving forward. Those who's still here...thanks for really putting up with me. May we continue to walk down a path together! I love my friends and family!

I haven't really been active on this account. I know I said I was leaving this but I can't help but really miss it. So, I guess I'll just be back and forth through accounts.

Holy cow! I'm 21! Where has the time gone?! This is awesome!

I decided that I'm coming back to this account. I actually miss this account and I'll try to be more active on here. I'll still be just as active on the other account so there's that, too. Hope you guys didn't miss me too much.

My new FA account and my new skype have already been created...so now it's time to bid this account farewell. I'll still be around on this account but rarely... Some people have already noted me about my skype and have already got it...anybody else want it just note me. This is MasterGuil and I bid you all farewell.

I know in the past that I was going to leave this account but I'm serious this time. I lost joy in this account....As this person. I'll probably still be Guil somewhere else but for here I can't be him anymore. Too many people know who I am and there's just too many bad memories of this account. So I'm going to another one of my accounts here. I'll still be active on this one but not much. It's going to be hard but....I gotta move on. I'll upload one more piece of art on here and that'll be the end of that. I won't even tell anybody on here what my new account is gonna be. If anybody wants to know either tell me in the shouts or send a note to me. I'll also be getting a new skype as well so there's that too.

So I just got done watching that movie on an anime website for the english dub. Uh, I'm glad that all of the voice actors from the old classic episodes were still there. The graphics were a little bit better...and I even laughed from a few scenes here and there. Hmm, I guess I can say that it was good...and I guess we finally have a DBZ episode/movie that has Goku actually...well, I can't spoil that part for anybody who has not seen it yet. All I can say is that the main antagonist is no pushover...yet he is very humorous in his own ways.

Okay, what will we believe when I say this? I just heard from an online source that it has been said that Super Smash Bros. for Wii U is going to be released November 21st for North America, December 5th in Europe, and December 6th in Japan. That's kind of a weird switch right there. For the 3DS, Japan got the copy first sometime in September and we got it just recently on the 3rd of October. I have a list of games coming out at my nearest GameStop and it says that Super Smash Bros. for Wii U is coming in stores on New Years Eve. ...now, I don't know what to believe. Honestly, I hope we get it in November because there were also rumors on the internet and on YouTube that it was coming out in November. Who's with me when I say that we want the game in November!!!

I got the new Super Smash Bros. today after work and I'm loving the hell out of it already!

I got a few good tips from my good bro  sagorashi and I have been looking at some sketches my little purple husky  soliderwesker, so now hopefully my art will be a little bit better and a little bit cleaner. I still owe a trade for someone and I'll get that up as soon as I can. I also got a couple of requests just now and I need to get some people some birthday gifts. Why? Because they deserve it and it's their birthday. I'm just sorry I haven't been able to do anything up until now because of school and work. So we'll see how my art turns out now. Thanks a lot guys!

There's just other stuff that I want to get off my chest...but I don't know if there's much else. Most of what I'm feeling is under the over 200 journal entries I have ever since I was a part of this community...though I do consider myself a half-furry (if that is a such thing). My life... I'm not exactly able to be open due to the house I live in. I have yet to move to a place of my own and as things are now... It's going to be possibly another year or two before I get out and have a crib of my own where I can make my own rules and do whatever I want...where I'm not on a leash. I just don't like being here anymore... It's not fun... If only my family can see...no, if only I could tell them... That what I'm doing isn't putting anybody in danger. This isn't just some perverted trap meant to lure kids to their doom and nobody would ever hear from them again... They're mostly seeing the sexual and dangerous aspect of this. I will agree with them on one thing: You don't know who you're talking to on the other side of the computer... Except... I have skyed with a few of you guys and so I feel like what I'm doing is fine...considering that I'm 20 years old. Hell, even my grandmother agrees and understands how I feel and know how our family is. My other members are blind to everything...rage, desperation, fear, anything you can think of... I can't tell them what I really do on here and show them...that this is an art website as well (both clean and adult) and it's like deviantArt in a way...but if I show them my art...they will also have mixed feelings about me...and I already lied to them about this stuff before...a couple of you should already know... They only saw the yiff parts of when I do RPs and such...they didn't even bother to see the other parts of my conversations when they would browse through my belongings... Even after yiffs, I always talk about anime, games, and bullshit that happens in my life... Why is it so hard to come to terms with this...? I am so afraid to talk to them...and our family is already fucked up as it is... I'm not really as close with my family as I was when I was a little kid. If I can really be open with them and make them understand, then I'll feel a lot better...but I know things will not change...no matter how hard I work or no matter how much, no how bad, I want it.

Another thing I want to discuss is my view on fur families and relationships and stuff. I already complained that there is a lot of favoritism on this site and I know that you can't get along with everyone... Hell I have been losing more friends than I could count. Most of you guys act like you don't want to really talk to me...like I'm forcing you to talk to me or be my friend or yiff or something or anything. I already feel shitty enough. I already feel selfish, neglected, or whatever. I'm not like everyone else... I want to be myself, but that's proving to be difficult as well. What do I have to do? What am I lacking? What can I do to fit in again and not drown in my own sadness and solitude?

I'm starting to lose sight of what makes a proper friend or brother or whatever... I know I am a master and stuff, but to me I'm a different kind of master... I'm a loving and caring one. I know pets and other masters like force and pain and bondage and being treated like crap and treating others like crap to show dominance and pleasure, but that's just not me. I just can't be that...and I don't want that to change who I am. Now, I will say, I've been...curious and trying to get a master myself, but I haven't really come across anybody who fits the bill... And that makes me just give up on seeking a master...it's just that complicated. I might just stop fur families for real this time...but I will remember who are my close brothers, my loveable pets, and my two (or three) fathers. I had a mother a long time ago, but she and I had a falling out and...I know we just move on... This just sucks...I just want to be happy on here again... I think that's what I'm going to do:

Acquaintance => Friend => Close Friend => Best Friend => Brother/Sister => Mate(?)

This seems shitty, I know...but... I don't know anymore. You can choose to read all of this if you want to and see where you want to be or where you think you still are... I don't count on anyone and everyone to read and comment on this because look at how many depressing journals I have posted. Only a good handful of them are actually good and a bit cheerful.

I'm done with everything... I'm just... I can't take it anymore...

Does anybody have any preference as to what they would like to see from me? I just wanted to hear some suggestions and such...still not really in the mood to accept requests or trades...though I still owe someone a trade... I know that I've been drawing mostly wolves and dragons lately. I've grown to accept that I'm better at drawing feral wolves and dragons (and my human sona) and other things... Wouldn't mind hearing what others have to say about my stuff. I know I'm still a novice at Photoshop and stuff...but also ideas are wonderful as well.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHN.....FIEac3AtG34DJg

Just in case anybody want to see water get splashed on me...to support the ALS disease.

Whelp... It's just like the title says: I have Steam now... I'm just giving it a try and whatnot... People at my job keep telling me to get it. People on skype keep telling me to get it...so now, I got it. So, yeah, if you wanna add me, my name is Guilbert_Hawkings on there.

This is really stupid. Favoritism is always going to be around and even on here. I'm going to start ending friendship and relationships with people who don't really want to be my friend. Sometimes, talking doesn't get you anywhere and people don't put time and effort into being there for me or at least talking to me. I always have to send the first note or the first shout or the first IM or the first anything...and when they do say something, they don't say shit...and when there's something really really wrong, they act like they give two shits or they get pissed at you and you're the bad guy. No, fuck this! It's not worth being sad and depressed over. If you "people" don't want to take the time and effort to talk with me, get to know me, and be there for me as you say and feel you should, then two words for you: Screw you! Just saying "fuck you" is so overplayed now anyway. I understand that some people have busy jobs and family issues and stuff like that. That is understandable and at least you have a reason for that. But, if you don't really speak much to me but I see that you're all buddy buddy and talkative with someone else (who you know really well or just met), then that's just being an asshole and saying that you like them more than you care about me. What the fuck? Seriously? You're not a real true friend. Enough is enough and I'm sick of this shit always happening and I'm sick of constantly posting these depressing ass journals about the same shit over and over anyway. Hell, I don't even care that I'm not as big as Narse or h0rs3 or das or anybody else. I don't care... I don't like being treated differently. I believe in equality, liberation, and all that jazz. I don't care what you all think of me when I'm posting this journal. It's time to man up and I am grateful for the friends that I do have on here that actually would want to talk to me and put effort into everything that involves me even if I don't deserve them and even if they're better off not knowing who I was. So, personal rant over... You others can do whatever you want. I'm done with this... Some people can unwatch me, remove me from skype, or wherever or whatever. Am I wrong to feel this way? Am I still the bad guy? I don't care if people don't feel sorry for me. The only thing I want is people to understand AND ACTUALLY MEAN IT AND NOT SAY IT TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER WHEN WE BOTH KNOW THAT IT'S COMPLETE BULLSHIT. Now, the personal rant is over and thanks to anybody who actually gives two shits to read all of this...