March 18th is muh birthday. Does anyone want to fatten me up til my butt's visible from space?
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This isn't Ukraine versus Russia. This is The People versus the state.

Shelly the hamster from 'The Nutty Professor' (1996) shipped with Templeton the rat from 'Charlotte's Web' (1973). That idea just now popped into muh mindbrain and I don't know why I never thought of it before! Well, except that I'm not really a shipper.

Here's a poem I recently wrote when a friend asked me how S.T.A.L.K.E.R. has managed to hold my interest for so long.
https://www.deviantart.com/iggyhaza.....Zone-904567790

Ralsei: https://www.deviantart.com/iggyhaza.....rego-902062170
Susie: https://www.deviantart.com/iggyhaza.....l-Id-902065921

I need to get a text program for this laptop so I can make poetry and stuff that I can upload here.

Last Saturday (12/11/2021), at around 7:50 AM, a power-outage that lasted all of one second finally killed my computer. So it'll be a while before I start doing any real projects again.

Spamton w/Super Smash TV announcer voice: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouMFGrP1xJk

I'm hereby coining the term "borborhythm." It's a portmanteau of "borborygmus" and "rhythm." The terms "borborygmus" (singular) and "borborygmi" (plural) are the technical terms for gastrointestinal noises.

\8-P
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATJRGyUatqI

It didn't occur to me til just a couple days ago that the "beige, brown, pink, and lavender" color scheme that's a recurring motif in my mythos might have been subconsciously inspired by the oh-so stylish and doggone dapper Willy Wonka. Of course, I mean Gene Wilder's Willy Wonka.

In Deltarune: Chapter 2, you know those dances that Kris, Susie, and Ralsei do when they're funning around with Sweet Cap'n Cakes? (Their names are a play on the 'Sweet Cuppin' Cakes' episode of Strong Bad Email, plus there are other Homestar Runner references that totally take me back to the "ancient internet" days.) Kris's cheeki breeki Hopak dance mimics the Heavy from TF2. Susie's is the Linus dance. Ralsei's is often called the "Charlie Brown" dance. But what if I told you that the Peanuts character who does that dance isn't Charlie Brown? His name is "555 95472." They call him "5" for short. That oughtta make for some good Peanuts trivia of Nerdular Nerdance.

Btw, when I was in middle school, I had a teacher who was a lot like Alphys. We used to nerd out on X-Files lore at 100% maximum power. It ruled.

Lemme levy a gripe pertaining to something that illustrates a greater issue. I loves me some Twitch streams. Watching them, that is. Haven't done any of my own streaming yet, but I might at some point. I usually watch Borderlands, S.T.A.L.K.E.R., Undertale, Deltarune, or retro games. Anyway, I've noticed a prevailing attitude among certain streamers and their "mall cop" mods. It's like everyone wants to be the warden of their own private prison. Or the dictator of their own police state. Mods would be the Praetorian guard (more like mall cops pretending that their authoritah actually means something). And I say this as someone who's actually been a mod before. Only I never abused muh authoritah. I didn't even want to be a mod! It's just that this one particular streamer made me one. I think they were focusing on Borderlands 1 at the time (and this was before the "Enhanced" version came out).

The "status quo" method of communication in Twitch chat is to keep your lines of text within one or two lines, typically speaking in one sentence at a time, to convey ideas. That doesn't work for everyone, especially for us Alphys/Berdly types. We don't do the whole brevity thing. Or rather, it takes extra effort for us because our natural modus operandi is to go off on a spiel, practically writing an "essay" to convey an idea. And if we put ANALYTICAL PASSION into something, no matter what it is (and always at 100% MAXIMUM POWER), we don't like being accused of spamming. It's not spam unless it's pointless. If thought has been put into it, then it's not pointless. Also, we tend to be tangential thinkers (a right-brain trait), so we might be using referential metaphors to represent an idea that appears perfectly relevant to us, but more linear-thinking types might not jibe (yes, it's "jibe," not "jive") with that method of communication. So instead of recognizing that different people think differently, they get cheesed off. This type of streamer always seems to amass a supply of boot-licking loyalist mods who are eager to bring the ban hammer down on anyone for any reason (or for no reason at all).

You know where else this paradigm occurs? The workplace. I've worked over a dozen jobs over the course of 20 years, and this is exactly the sort of attitudinal tyranny that occurs in every miserable workplace. And here I thought Twitch was the sort of place people went to escape from that sort of "grind!" In the workplace, they call it "personality conflict." But it's not just the attitudes. It's the rules. The endless rules! And the fact that they're subjective, arbitrary, and ever-changing (notice my use of a proper Oxford comma). Same for YouTube. It's become "THEY-Tube" (or "THEM-Tube" as some say). And what really irks me is when a streamer has chat rules that include things like "no hate speech" or "respect everyone," yet they talk down to people who are different from them. That isn't hateful, per se, but it's an attitude born from elitism (which is no better). And it's hypocritical on top of that. It's a lawyerly and an employerly mentality. Now is that what you want to act like? A bunch of employers?! Everyone wants to be Handsome Jack. No one wants to be Roland. Except me. And I've actually been compared to him before (which made me feel honored). Ralsei and Susie would both back me up on this.

Most everyday bigotry is based on "personality conflicts," not race or religion, and not just in cyberspace or the workplace. Everyone talks about how great Toby Fox's Vash-like ideals are. No one wants to put forth the effort to apply them IRL. And I say that as someone who's more of a Wolfwood-type person (philosophically speaking). And if you don't know who Vash and Wolfwood are, "I pity the life you've wasted" (please tell me someone gets that reference). What was I getting at? Basically, don't expect other people to be "perfect." And I say that as someone who has borderline Stanley Kubrick-grade perfectionist tendencies (textbook neurosis typical of the Melancholic temperament). But I guess that's more the type of perfectionism that pertains to the way one carries out tasks, not what one expects from other people.

Note: Sentence fragments are acceptable due to poetic license. Also, "hate" might be a strong word. "Resent" sounds a bit less harsh. At any rate, stay sanguine!

So earlier this month, I finally upgraded to a modern phone. Had been using a flip phone all the way up to September of 2021 if you can believe that. Well, they're phasing those out as per February of 2002, but maybe they're trying to get a head start on that process. So long story short, I got a Radiant Max free of charge. Immediately, I started taking macro photos with it. Insects are a favorite subject, especially bees. Here's my macro photo folder from my DA gallery a go go.

https://www.deviantart.com/iggyhaza...../nature-scenes

Yesterday, I was in the front yard, just randomly looked downward about two feet in front of my feet, and I saw a damselfly, a moth, and two crickets! ^w^ The damselfly's colors were somewhere in the range of teal, turquoise, and aquamarine. Looking around a bit more, I saw grasshoppers being hoppy in the side yard. And as predicted earlier this year, the cicadas were extra-loud with their arboreal serenade. That's never bothered me. Did you know cicadas have five eyes? Two compound ones and three simple ones called "ocelli." A lot of insects have that arrangement. The ocelli allow for rapid detection in changes of light and shadow, so they're part of the apparatus that gives insects those notorious reflexes.

Did I mention I'm a Huffleclaw? >///w///<

We all love the Alphys and Undyne dynamic, right? But what are some of your favorite movies that explore that concept? Typically in movies, the nerd and jock characters end up as BFFs, not the OTP, but the "brain and brawn" personality dynamic is still there. Probably the most obvious example would be Scotty Smalls and Benny Rodriguez in 'The Sandlot'. Well, except that story seemed to do everything it could to deride Scotty's "Nerdular Nerdance" (to borrow a term from Strong Bad). Jocks might be the ones who use sporting equipment, but it's nerds who design it and set up the infrastructure for manufacturing it. Mathematics and engineering, yo! And I say that as someone who's more the art-and-literature "emo" type.

Anyway, there's an '80s action comedy that you might dig if you like that Alphyne dynamic. It's called 'Feds'. Janis is the Alphys and Ellie is the Undyne. They're FBI trainees who end up as BFFs, not the OTP, but that works just fine (for reasons aforementioned). And I'm not spoiling anything since most of you would have figured that anyway. Janis - the brain- grasps the academic stuff just fine, but struggles with the physical stuff. Ellie - the brawn - being a former Marine, is the opposite. Come to think of it, Ellie is also kinda like Clover (the Soul of Justice). There's a scene where she helps Janis pick out a pistol to use as a duty sidearm and it's a SIG/Sauer P226 (Swiss design, German manufacture, American pattern), a model that was used by Fox Mulder in classic '90s X-Files, starting with Season 2. 'Feds' came out in 1988 which was the year the FBI started issuing the P226. It's also the year Mulder, being skilled in psychological profiling, cracked a big case shortly after joining the Violent Crimes Unit. Btw, did I mention I'm an X-phile? I'd better shut up before I end up writing a tangential essay that would put Alphys to shame.
>w<
Note: Tangential thinking is a right-brain trait.

There was a luna moth on the porch todayay! ^w^ My friends wanted to make sure I saw it because I'm the nature lover of our inner circle.

So I bought a pink king-size bed sheet to use for the belly part of my mega fat suit. I'd always used beige before because it's pretty much flesh-tone (aka "buff" which is where the phrase "in the buff" comes from, plus it's also the name of a color of rabbit). Wanted to see if pink would produce a different vibe, especially since I made a pink version of my bloated blubbery bunnysona (partially inspired by pink bunny Link). And I actually did feel kinda different. Just as helpless, humiliated, and bloated (since I chugged melted ice cream that causes uncontrollable flatulence once it's digested), but also somehow softer and - I don't know - more sensual. Not physically "softer," but emotionally softer, since the thing still contains all the same stuff and the pink sheet is made from the same material as the beige ones. They're cotton, but I've often wondered what silk would feel like. Silk sheets are expensive, though. All the stuff I use to make this thing is cheap and readily available at most department stores.

Refer back to this journal entry for a description of what makes up this thing: https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9615984/
Here's the pink version of my bloated blubbery bunnysona of flatulent fatness: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/42399212/

The only real problem was the heat. I sweated so much, my hair was drenched, and sweat was dripping off my hair and running down my face and shoulders and whatnot. You slob fans would totally dig that! But it didn't reek or anything. Oh, and I didn't use my lavender lotion this time. That stuff is super effective at inducing drowsy doziness, making me wallow in a lethargic stupor of euphoric bliss from which there's no escape, exacerbated by the bloatedness in my bowels that makes me feel like I'm being massaged on the inside. Thinking of myself as being pink like a pig made of bubblegum somehow actually did (at least somewhat) enhance the overall effect. Pretty sure only us "sensitive artist" types would be affected by colors in that way, though.

So I went to DQ and got a double cheez burg, took it home, took one bite, and immediately threw it away because it had mayo on it. And ketchup too. When those mix, the result isn't the least bit pleasant. I don't always remember to ask for no mayo because it doesn't always occur to me that I should have to because mayo as a standard condiment on a burger is un-American. It's the sort of thing the customer should ask for if desired, not something the customer should have to ask to be left off. Mayo goes on white meat, not red. Its flavortaste doesn't naturally mesh with burg. In the same sense, if you want ketchup on a steak, that's your prerogative, but you have to ask for it. It doesn't come that way by default because it's an abomination.

Refer back to my second journal entry for full context: https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9615984/

My friends who live upstairs, and their kids, all went on a vaycay over the weekend. It was just three cats and me, starting on Thursday and lasting til Monday. So I got all my old "mega fat suit" stuff out of storage and brought it here. Everything except the two old Foof chairs that made up the "blubber butt" part of it. They were too old and musty, so I had to get rid of them. As a substitute, I used a love seat, an ottoman, some boxes to act as footrests, and a couple of pillows to go on top of the footrests to make them more comfy. The "blubber belly" part was all intact. All the components fit in four large plastic storage boxes that all fit neatly into the corner of the downstairs storeroom.

It had been three years since I'd done this. I call it "blissing" or "bliss therapy." First, I should describe my living arrangement. Back in 2018, I lost my apartment when the old landlord quit the landlording biz (which was something he did on the side) and the new landlord came in and immediately hiked up the combined cost of rent and utilities from $500 a month to $703 a month. So I moved into my former college roommate's basement (his wife and kids, who are all Full House fans, think of me as their "Uncle Joey"). That's why I no longer bliss just any ol' time I want and also why I had all that stuff packed up in storage in my family's garage. They didn't mind because it was all neatly packed up in storage boxes and it all fit in one side of the garage. Anyway, the moment my friends told me about their vacation plan, I starting coming up with my own (of sorts). And believe me. This very much was every bit as much a vacation for me as it was for them. All I had to do was take care of the cats and their litter. And the cats wouldn't mind what else I did besides that, as long as I was present and didn't leave them alone for too long at a time (they tend to get bored and/or forlorn).

A few days before Thursday, I went and got the stuff. It only took two trips, though I was planning for four since there are four boxes. I tweaked the plan and the arrangement of things a bit by taking stuff out and cramming it in my car. I ended up with all the stuff AND all four boxes (and the lids to go with them). On Wednesday, I'd planned to go to Walmart in the afternoon and buy some very specific ice cream to stuff myself with, but because of the whole situation with the c0of and whatnot, they're no longer open 24/7. They stay closed at night so they can clean everything. Same for all the other department stores. So went back around mid-day the next day. Walmart's the only one that carries the kind of ice cream I use for blissing. It has to be "sugar-free." It's not really sugar-free, so that's false advertising, but that's a topic for another time. It has to contain sorbitol, xylitol, or some other natural fruit sugar. In large quantities, those sugars cause bloating (part of the whole blissing experience if you want the FULL effect). I didn't know for sure how much I'd need, so I only got two containers of ice cream: Blue Bunny Sweet Freedom strawberry swirl and Breyers Carb Smart chocolate. In the past, I've used Edy's Sugar-Free triple chocolate, but I can't find that anymore. Edy's is still around, I just haven't seen that specific flavor.

Aside from the ice cream, I also bought something to chug it out of. It's just an ordinary container meant for beverages and it's big enough to hold all the ice cream from two boxes. I forget what size it is, but it's more than a gallon. I also bought some Metamucil and lavender lotion. Also two blocks of pepperjack cheese and two heads of broccoli. The idea was to combine all that stuff to induce even MORE uncontrollable flatulence as I'd done back in 2018. At one point, I managed to fart over 1,000 times in a day while blissing my brains out and wallowing in a lethargic stupor, making Pearl from 'Blade' (a BIG part of my inspiration for this whole thing) look like a lightweight. More on that later.

I should describe in detail how I put the blubber belly together since I think I glanced over that in the other journal entry. First, there are three bed sheets. There are actually more than that, but I went with the bare minimum this time since I wasn't going for a "perfect build" or whatever. Four would be ideal and there's no need for more, but I went with three. It was one purple sheet, not sure what size, and two king-size flesh-tone beige ones. I also have a third king-size beige one and a king-size brown one. I laid out the purple one and put together the first half of the blubber belly. It was made up of two dog beds, three body pillows (plain ones, no designs), and a soft fluffy comforter. Then I tied the ends together in an "X" pattern. After finishing that part, I picked it up and put it off to the side. Then I laid out a beige sheet. That one ended up containing another three body pillows and several soft fluffy comforters. Tied it up the same way. Then I put that off to the side and laid out another beige sheet. Then I put the purple half in there, then the beige half, then I tied those together. Not in an "X" pattern, though. It's wider than it is tall or deep, and it's quite deep.

The next trick was to get it into position on top of the love seat/ottoman combo. Took some effort, but I did it. Also, I covered the love seat's cushions with yet another comforter. The love seat is a bit wider than the blubber belly, but not nearly as wide as my two Foof chairs which were between 15 and 16 feet wide when put next to each other. Imagine actually having a butt that wide! Every apartment I've ever put the old version of this thing in, the butt part always filled my bedroom from wall to wall! Anyway, I just filled in the gaps with my imagination, so I imagined my blubberrump being ridiculously huge. I also imagined that the ottoman was an udder.

Next order of biz was to make the love seat as comfy as possible so I could wallow in a lethargic stupor of euphoric bliss beyond imagination. I have one of those chair-shaped pillows and some various other assorted regular pillows and cushions. Once everything was just right, I stripped naked and slathered my belly and moobs in lavender lotion, then I half-sat/half-laid back in the love seat and pulled the blubber belly on top of myself, letting the belly force my legs to spread far and wide. It was wondrous! Almost as wondrous as it was with the Foof chair butt cheeks. But given what I have available, it was the best I could manage. Definitely worth the effort. After I got comfy, I pumped myself full of melted ice cream. Two containers worth of ice cream, when melted, had provided for as many as five helpings in the past, but for this blissing session, it turned out to be four (more like four and a third). That probably means I was chugging more heartily than before. Maybe because it had been so long since last time and I was really eager to enjoy it as much as possible. What counts as one helping to me is 33 chugs. I chose that number because the number "3" looks like a butt. So I'd get a rhythmic pattern going so I wouldn't have to just plain count the ordinary way. It goes like this: three chugs, pause, three chugs, pause, five chugs. Total of eleven. Repeat two more times. I ended up with my belly stuffed, but it was just the right amount, so it wasn't painful. The lavender lotion took less than half an hour to take effect. I felt sooo sleepy! It was beautiful! Talk about wallowing in a lethargic stupor of euphoric bliss from which there's NO ESCAPE!

Technically, there's a "escape" in the sense that I can just slip out of it in the case of a bathroom emergency. It never got to the point of what I'd call an "emergency," though, just regular bathroom breaks. Anyway, I started farting only an hour after chugging the first helping, and only became more bloated with each helping. It gets really hot, though, so I had to take breaks every so often. Over the course of three and a half days (technically three and a half days, plus three and a half hours almost exactly), starting at 3:33 PM Thursday and ending at 7:03 AM Monday, I farted 913 times. Kind of a disappointment seeing as how my record is over 1,000 over the course of a full 24-hour day. I'd take a dose of Metamucil in between helpings or when I was taking a break from blissing. It didn't seem to add much to the bloatedness, but it did aid digestion. I ended up going through six containers of ice cream, each time getting the same two and mixing those two same kinds. But I also ended up screwing myself out of about two whole helpings (possibly a bit more than that) by mixing Metamucil in with it. It was a failed experiment. Turned the bloat cream into an awful paste that looked like cake batter designed by a mad scientist who moonlighted as an insane clown. Didn't taste too good either. Might have tasted better if I'd mixed it with just the chocolate ice cream. Then it might have been a bit more like pudding. The consistency was too thick, so it wouldn't pour. Had to eat it with a spoon. Force-fed myself some of it, but the Metamucil didn't really enhance the bloating effect, and I ended up throwing the rest of it away. That's why I consider it a failed experiment. So that certainly contributed to my not breaking 1,000.

I imagined myself in the most humiliating situation possible, being a living spectacle of bloated overindulgence to be publicly pampered and force-fed forever while being squished and squeezed, tickled and teased by an entire planet's population of "manic pixie dream grrls" just like you see in my bloated blubbery art, farting uncontrollably in front of everyone for all eternity, surrounded by cameras, video screens all over the planet. Every moment broadcast all around the world. And not only that, but I imagined that everyone had a remote massager and I was lying back in a big comfy bed that was linked to all the remote massagers in the whole wide world. All the cuddle-crazy maniacs in the world would massage, caress, tickle, and fondle my butt cheeks, my butt crack, and my udder. Any and all parts of me that came in contact with the bed. They'd also rub my back, my head, and my helpless legs just to make me relax even more. Oh, but that's not all.

The more humiliated I felt, the sweeter my world-famous farts would smell (in reality, my gas didn't have much of a scent since my "fart fuel" didn't have a high sulfur content), delighting everyone gathered around me while also making the world more beautiful. I imagine that I hadn't even been their helpless pet blubber blob for two weeks and they'd already fattened me up to well over five tons! They'd tell me that I'd be the size of a mountain in less than a year and my blubberrump would be visible from space! The thought would make me blush helplessly and my bowels would relax even more, making me fart bigger, fatter, and more uncontrollably, increasing my humiliation with every passing moment, much to the delight of all the giggle-grrls in the entire world, especially the ones gathered all around me (most especially the ones gathered around my blubberrump).

They gave me the most embarrassing name imaginable and forced me to recite a "slogan" of sorts that was intended to humiliate me even more and make me dwell on the fact that I was going to be a public spectacle forever. It went like this: "My name is Blubberfart Tickletushy Blubberrump the Forever Flatulent." Then they made me say the slogan three times: "My gassy anus is world-famous." Everyone in the whole wide world could see the overwhelming embarrassment on my face and could hear my squeaky voice cracking with humiliation, causing everyone to giggle with delight as they used their remote massagers to caress and tickle the most sensitive parts of my entire blubbery body, making my whole body relax inside and out as I farted bigger, fatter, and more uncontrollably than ever before.

So, yeah. The experience gave me inspiration (including some new ideas) and now I might have to write yet another story involving force-feeding, digesting in complete comfort, farting naked in public, ridiculous overindulgence, public pampering and massaging, and humiliation beyond imagination!

Went to a fair and a parade yesterday. I live in Indiana which is basically Bunnyburrow. X3 Okay, technically, Bunnyburrow was based on rural Pennsylvania, but rural Indiana looks basically similar (only flatter). Our gregarious outdoorsy vibe is similar. Very Hufflepuff. ^w^ Anyway, while at the fair, I scarfed down a Polish sausage with onions and marinara sauce. It was both savory and sweet (the onions were quite a bit better than what you get at a fast food joint which have been stripped of all flavor and nutrients). Also had a funnel cake. I prefer funnel cakes over elephant ears.

I hereby levy a protest! I call it "Foxtrot Bravo."
https://www.deviantart.com/iggyhaza.....ravo-883741114

I got banned for three days for basically nothing. Well, my first of three offenses was somewhat understandable because I dared to express resentment toward globalist oppression. I don't even know what my second offense was. But my third? I responded to a friend's photo of the area around his Arizona home with a meme of Hudson from 'Aliens' saying, "Yeah, man, but it's a dry heat!" Apparently, that violates FB's standards regarding "nudity" and "sexual content." This might be a malfunction of the "Al Gore Rhythm," but I'm not even sure if FB deserves the benefit of the doubt given their track record of control freak tendencies.

News flash! Demolition Man was a warning, not a blueprint! We really need to challenge Big Tech's monopoly on social media and make cyberspace free again like it was in the early 2000s. They are "the state" and we are The People. It's our right and our duty to rebel.

It's true! I was 19 years old and in college when 'The Phantom Menace' came out in 1999. Exactly the age that someone should be to watch TPM and expect nothing but ultraviolent action, in accordance with the stereotype (which would acktually be indicative of a complete misunderstanding of what Star Wars is all about). But nay! I understood Jar Jar right from the start, and also understood the point George Lucas was trying to make through him. The point was that the individual has value despite the prejudices of their society. Also that supposedly "good" societies can have repressive traits. That's true for both the Gungans and the Naboo. We see it from the Gungans in the way they treat Jar Jar, but are only told about the Naboo's prejudice toward the Gungans. Plus, isn't it conceited that the humans of Naboo named themselves after the planet like they own the place? I always thought the story should have taken more time to investigate that prejudice a bit more. Kinda like Arthur and Henry's dueling kingdoms in 'Army of Darkness'.

Jar Jar and Ash have a few traits in common, btw (and whenever I pointed that out to my college buddies, they'd always get miffed like I'd committed some "grievous" fanboy heresy). Ahmed Best and Bruce Campbell are both masters of physical comedy. Ahmed is "the Best" because he was in STOMP, whereas Bruce's style was honed under the cruel (and demented) tutelage of Sam Raimi. Same for Sam's bro, Ted. But I digress.

Long story short, Jar Jar was always meant to be a performance artist. We see hints of that in the Clone Wars episode 'Supply Lines'. One of the Neimoidians even claps after he does his juggling act. It's only too bad Gungan culture didn't regard that as a legit pursuit. He could have been his world's Jim Carrey!
>w<

I got to pet a couple of goats today. They headbutted each other a few times when they were feeling ornery. Oh, and I booped both of their snoots. X3

My birthday is on March 18th. Does anyone want to fatten me up til my butt's visible from space?
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