I should have done one quite some time ago, but I've been out of the furry art mood for a while as you all know. I'm thinking of putting one together that includes a before and after of the procedure that made him the way he is now as well, so people can see the dragon he was before.

The question is, what all should I put on the sheet? What do you think are important things?

I've already planned to show the mass transfer port I posted the design for yesterday, but I'm not sure what else I absolutely need to show. I've got little experience making ref sheets.

I haven't come up with an idea for something with Irso in quite a while now, I've been focusing on my other artistic venture, which is in the MLP fandom.

The thing is, it's not because I don't want to, it's because I can't. I've become completely uninterested in Irso recently, and I don't understand why.

I need something to spark my interest again, but I'm not sure what that would be.

We still aren’t 100% sure that I have Wilson’s disease, the tests that will really give a solid answer actually take a few weeks. Like, I’m told they process for that long, not in a waiting list.

The part that sucks, is that in an attempt to limit the symptoms that have been getting worse, I have to switch to a copper restricted diet.

No pork, among other things. Guess what’s pork? Bacon. I CAN’T EAT BACON… I love bacon.

At around 9:30 tonight my girlfriend and I discovered a fire, in the store below our apartment.

It started with the smell of smoke, and we went to investigate. I could hear crackling through the rear window, and my girlfriend had gone around the front and heard it as well, and saw the smoke at the window.

If we hadn't caught it when we did, it could have taken our apartment, our whole life…

You don’t really realize what you've got until it’s almost taken from you.

Once again I’m left wondering, how much bad can possibly happen to one group of people? Everything we've lost already, and we nearly lost everything else we had but our lives.

So I'm going for more blood work (needles, yay) and I have to pee into a bucket for 24 hours so they can test it.

This is going to be fun...

Though based on the tests and the information I got from the doctor, they are testing me for Wilson's Disease. Wilson's disease is a chronic accumulation of copper in the liver and brain, leading to damage in both places. It explains the pains, the loss of memory, the difficulty interacting with people, pretty much everything I've been experiencing.

Not saying it's Wilson's Disease, but it's got a pretty good chance based on the symptoms. And it's treatable, so I should be alright.

If it isn't Wilson's disease, I hope they figure it out soon, I just want to know.

I've been really sick for a few days now, and on top of my normal everyday health issues it's been really brutal. I haven't slept properly, I can't think straight. I feel like a zombie.

Last night I had a fever of 104.6, and it's hovered around 100-102 for a while now. Even doing everything I can to deal with the symptoms I'm still on my ass.

2014 has been all kinds of fucked, So here’s hoping 2015 is at least a few less kinds of fucked.

I’ve talked about my health problems a bit here, but I’ve never really gone into detail, and I probably won’t get really into detail ever. But I’ve got a lot of problems.

My body is extremely fragile, and for the past week it’s been worse than ever. I’m in pain every single day one way or another. If it’s not my back it’s my neck, if it’s not that it’s my knees, and so on. It’s like the car that just keeps getting repaired and other things break, except the new parts are just as failure prone…

This past week has left me very tired, and barely able to function. Making dinner I opened the fridge four times without doing anything else, I couldn’t think. Right now it feels like the room is shifting around me, but I know it’s my head.

All the doctors can do right now is go through the list of things it’s not, doing tests and taking one thing off the list at a time, because they don’t have a clue why I have these problems.

I’m tired of being in pain, feeling sick, and having to fight with it for everything I do every day. It wasn’t effecting my art before, but now I’m being left so tired I don’t even feel like I can draw. And sleep doesn’t help, I wake up just as tired as when I went to bed, because even in my sleep things hurt.

Last night I found out  d0c passed away from sudden heart failure. I just don't really know what to say, he'll be missed a lot.

Doc was one of the first furry artists I ever saw, before I even came to FA way back on my old account. Only very recently had I had a chance to talk to him, and with life as chaotic as it has been, I never got the chance to really know him.

My thoughts are with his family and close friends, from the little I knew him, he was a great person.

I had to wait a day for the store to test the board, which wasn't nice, but it's store policy and they've never screwed me before.

The motherboard was dead as I thought, and the CPU checked out fine. Which is what I figured since usually when a CPU goes the motherboard will POST and tell you so.

This is the first ASUS motherboard I've ever had die on me, but it's a relatively low end board so QC probably isn't as high as it could (and should) be. The store replaced it with an identical model, so I'm just going to hope it's not a common defect of these boards.

If anyone wants to know, it's an ASUS H81M-E, an m-ATX motherboard that really shouldn't be used for anything more than what I've got on it. I really can't imagine someone putting even an i5 on this thing, it's budget as hell. It'll take up to 16gb of ram, I've got 8 on it. I'm running an i3-4130, since that's more than enough, and I've also got an old Radeon HD 5770 stuck in it just for light gaming.

Go check her stuff out at  sheanar and go to her Journal here for details: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6341874/

Every time she draws she improves massively, help her keep getting better!

You know that art computer, the one I built just over six months ago?

IT FUCKING DIED.

The motherboard went poof, garbled screen, blue screen, and then no boot.

I’ve already run through all the diagnostics, I checked absolutely everything, the only possibility left is that the motherboard is dead. It doesn’t POST, it doesn’t beep, it just turns on the fans and sits there.

Is my luck really this fucking shit? Do I get a break at some point? Just… JKASDGAKJSGDAJKGDAJKGSD FUCK!!!!!!

At 5am today my grandfather passed away, after a seven month battle with cancer.

I don’t know what else to say, I’m just numb, cold. Watching someone battle cancer once was hard, the second time around I already knew what was coming before it happened.

You are forced to watch someone you love wither away, from a strong person full of life to skin and bones. But it’s not just the body that goes, near the end their mind goes as well. For my grandfather it was quick, just days, for my father it was much longer.

The only thing I can really think right now, is that he’s not in pain anymore.

My grandfather went to the hospital today for an assessment, and they’ve decided that he needs to be admitted for palliative care.

That sums up to he’s not coming home, and it’s a matter of keeping him comfortable. The nurses and doctors have predicted that he won’t be around for much longer.

At this point, having gone through the same with my father, I’ve come to terms with it. I knew before most of the people involved, and I guess that just gave me more time to accept it. There’s a point the human body reaches where it’s clear there’s no recovering.

What this means is, we won’t be taking care of him anymore, and as much as I’d like to say we could have gone on like that, we really couldn’t. He’s in a place now where he can be taken care of properly, and we are going to be able to pull ourselves back together and get back on track.

I know we’ll be going to see him as often as possible, I just hope the rest of my family will make the time and effort to do the same.

Yeah, I typo’d on the last one and said I was turning 27 >.-.< But I’m turning 26 very VERY soon!

Had my birthday party today, girlfriend made a wicked cake and had a friend over, it was really nice!

So, it’s my birthday on the 10th of this month.

I’m going to be 27 in only 8 days… damn. I don’t really have anything planned for it.

It’s going to be the first one with my new family situation, none of my family members, except maybe my grandfather if he’s out of the hospital by then, will be around for the traditional birthday thing we did every year. I’m not really sure how to feel about that.

My grandfather fell today, he’s been home a while and the little bit of improvement he got while in the hospital just didn’t stick. He could barely lift a glass of water this morning.

I got a call a few hours ago and all he managed to say was “Help, I need Help”. He was so out of breath from just turning himself over and sitting up on the floor.

He went back to the hospital, and I think he really needs to stay there a while, but he’s so damn stubborn. He can’t take care of himself, and we can’t be around enough to make sure he’s getting everything he needs. There’s just too much to do every day, we’ve already fallen way behind on a few things.

The worst part of it, and the part that makes me really angry, the rest of my family has abandoned him. There’s no one else around, it’s just me, my brother, and my girlfriend… My mother and aunt aren’t ever around even though my aunt lives two doors over, and my uncle is just MIA. He was in France last time we had issues…

I just don’t know what to do, I can barely keep up. I have medical problems I’m trying to sort out and they make me pretty fragile. I can’t even walk my kid to school without being in pain, I’m constantly pushing myself to do more, but my body breaks down if I push a lot, and then I’m fucked for at least a day. I’m worried something’s going to break down really bad, I’d be fucked completely.

I feel trapped, I just want things to improve and they keep getting worse.

It’s now 8am as I type this, I woke up at 7am today to my cat making some strange noises. At first I figured it was my brother’s cat fighting with him because they did that sometimes, but the noises only got stranger.

He was in the kitchen, laying in front of the fridge, and any attempt to move him caused him to start yowling in pain. We thought he’d broken something at first, he was over weight and it was always a concern. But we couldn’t find any signs of physical injury.

It turned out to be something a lot worse, he didn’t make it to the vet. It happened so fast, he was alive when I went across the hall to my grandfather’s for the cat carrier and money for the vet, and dead when I got back.

I wish there was something I could do, but there was nothing, I feel like he was gone before I had any chance.

According to the doctors the cancer treatment has been doing it’s job, the blood my grandfather coughed up wasn’t related.

Instead, it was related to tuberculosis…

His body has been fighting off TB as well as trying to recover from the chemo, which explains why it’s hit him so hard.

The good news is, the doctors are certain he didn’t spread it to anyone else, and it’s early enough on that they’re treating it easily enough.

Bad news is he’s in isolated care for now, and will be for a few more days, he will also be on antibiotics for quite some time.

I’m really hoping that his health improves from here on out, it’s just a waiting game, a question of if’s and when’s.

My grandfather was just taken to the hospital in an ambulance, he started coughing up blood.

It's no secret that I have a pony account, and a pony tumblr, and have been drawing ponies for quite some time now. I've been feeling like I'm neglecting my furry stuff though, but finding a balance between the two has been really hard.

Drawing ponies has helped me advance my art in ways I never even thought of, my sketching is better, my sense of anatomy (somehow) got better, my lines and my colouring all got better through the time I've been drawing ponies. It was really the change of pace I needed to improve, I was sitting in a rut for so long.

But coming back is harder than I thought it would be, It takes so much more work to draw muscle, it's at least twice the time for a sketch. My attention span hasn't been the greatest this past year, so it's been difficult to see things through to completion when they take so long. I actually have sketches half finished, which is something I never did before.

On top of that, I now have a little girl, so I can't be drawing NSFW stuff during the day (unless she's at school). So even my pony stuff revolves around the time she's not around to accidentally see it. And yes, it's NSFW most of the time too.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing... I want to balance everything, but I can't hold all the things.

Oh, I have started taking pony commissions on tumblr, and I still have the list for things I owe people, so expect art I owe, and eventually commissions for big muscly things.

I’ve had a few people message me recently about getting on Skype or Steam, or other ways to talk. I haven’t been around much at all and I know people are wondering about it.

I just haven’t been up to it much, I’m struggling with a lot of problems right now and it doesn’t leave me with much energy.

I’m sorry I haven’t been around a lot, but please, PLEASE don’t make me feel guilty about it. I know it’s not intentional for most of you, but it still hurts. I already feel guilty about it enough without being hounded.

I’ve been fighting mental illness my entire life, and with things that have happened recently it’s been almost as hard as it’s ever been. I just need time to figure things out.

This is a battle that I will never win, but I can keep fighting, I refuse to give up. I almost did once and I won’t go down that road again.

All I ask for is patience and understanding.

She’s a liar, A manipulative, abusive, self centered liar. And that’s putting it lightly

I don’t rant often, but I just have to put this up somewhere.

First off she lied about what the doctors said about my grandfather, they never said he only had a short time to live, in fact, they are optimistic that he can fight off the cancer. She also tried to convince the doctors to drug him up while he was in the hospital “Oh just sedate him and he’ll be calm and quiet” WHAT THE FUCK, you don’t say that about family. My grandfather is a very intelligent and reasonable person, there was no reason for that bullshit.

My mother has also convinced my doctor that she’s not the problem, told lies, and manipulated everyone around her to make herself look good. And when people see through the bullshit, they are assholes automatically.

I have to switch doctors, And I’m going to have to get my files to make sure nothing is in them that could fuck me over for any other doctors I might get.

On top of that I’ve caught her telling lies to other people, about me and my girlfriend. AND when she found out about what happened to our little 9 year old girl (She’s not mine by blood but fuck anyone who says I can’t be a father), she said flat out my girlfriend was responsible for what happened… and for that she can go fuck herself. I’m fucking done with her, and anyone who she’s manipulated into believing her lies.

She’s tried to fuck me over for life, and I’m not having any of it. Our little girl will NEVER call her grandma, she will never even see her. She’s poison, fucking demented.

I just feel fooled, I was manipulated and abused by my own fucking mother, and it took so long to start seeing it. It’s just fucked that I feel this way about her, I don’t want to, but now that I see her for who she really is… just, fuck her.

I don’t remember things, most things. I’ve had memory problems my whole life, and been yelled at, called dumb, or irresponsible because I don’t remember to do things I’m supposed to do.

I don’t remember most of my life, and what I do remember is fragmented in little bits and pieces that I can’t pin down. It’s like chasing confetti in a wind storm.

I had an appointment the other day with a specialist for my supposed depression and anxiety, but after about 45 minutes he put his pen down, turned to my girlfriend who was in the room and told her, not me “I can’t help him, he needs to see a neurologist, there’s a lot more wrong than psychological problems.”

This was after he asked me why no one had ever noticed my memory problems before, as far as I knew no one had. No one had cared to wonder why I was unable to remember, or why I didn’t seem to do things I was supposed to. No one thought “Huh, that’s not normal” Instead it was “oh, he’s just lazy/irresponsible”

But as it turns out that’s not even all of it. My grandparents knew… they talked to my mother about it, and she did nothing. I can’t even begin to describe how much that hurts. She passed it off as A.D.D. because she couldn’t even be bothered to investigate further.

That might not be so bad if her behavior wasn’t so self serving everywhere else. I might be able to accept that, except anything that’s ever been an inconvenience for her has been ignored, or she somehow has a problem far worse, as though to make the other problem insubstantial no matter how bad it is.

My whole life I’ve gone with this problem and SHE KNEW AND DID NOTHING BECAUSE IT WAS MORE CONVENIENT TO CALL ME NAMES.

The take away from this, the reason I’m writing this at all aside from getting it off my chest is that I want people to realize something. If someone has odd behavior, or trouble with things, don’t just pass it off as a flaw, have some consideration. There could be a lot more going on than you know.

The next step for me is an appointment with a Neurologist in September, finding out why my entire life is a blur.

So I have three stitches in the tip of my index finger of my dominant hand...

Kind of limits what I can do.