Today, I just found out my grandfather on my father's side died at 5:30am at Texas. He was 85 years old and had to stay at a hospital because he got infected with a virus which was made even worse because he had bowel cancer and was still recovering from it. The last time I saw him was in 2021, when I went to attend the reception for my cousin's wedding. Even though he still sniped at me at times, we left things on a good note. That's why I was afraid to go back to Texas for the next year and 5 months because I knew he was getting old and I didn't want to leave any unfinished business behind. Now that he's dead, a part of me is relieved that things were still good between us before he went on while another part of me is feeling guilty for thinking that because he's dead.

Throughout my whole life, me and my brother have had high-functioning autism. Of course, we didn't really know we had it until 4th or 5th grade. Afterwards, things were okay until we entered 7th grade in a local junior high. From there, my brother and I went through two whole years of hell. You see, the junior high we applied for was really terrible. Fights occurred nearly every day, some students I knew were even killed, some of the teachers weren't exactly interesting when it came to certain subjects and me as well as my brother were constantly bullied and sometimes we even got hurt. Also, the vice principal was very dominating and rough and the principal seemed to be drinking and not caring about the situation. So you can imagine how relieved both me and my brother were to finally graduate from that hellhole. The high school we went to was like Heaven; it was practically next to our house, the teachers were kind and helpful, and there were no popular cliques so all the students were very close (except for some who still kind of bullied us but not that often). It was a very happy 3 years there. However, in my fourth year of high school, something very traumatic happened to me. You see, that year I was finally going to college and my parents were getting a divorce because they could not put up with each other anymore. Also, over the years I had always shown little habits associated with OCD. But, according to my therapists, the pressure of that along with the worry that the world could end sometime soon came crashing down on me on April 10, 2009. You see, my brother was watching some new movie trailers at the time, and I was tired so I planned to take a nap. However, my curiosity got the better of me and I immediately decided to watch a trailer for a film called 9 that was produced by Tim Burton. I guess that because my body and mind were tired, I was completely unprepared for 9's animation, soundtrack, and how dark it was as well as its genre of post-apocalyptic fiction. After I saw it, my mind had the images seared into my memories. As a result, those memories ruined what should have been one of the greatest years of my life.

I couldn't enjoy television, books, or even music without thinking of that film. Hell, I couldn't even daydream properly without those memories suddenly appearing. As a result, I couldn't go to certain places, go online, or even watch tv for at least 6 months without worrying about trailers or commercials of 9 appearing online as well as tv. In fact, I could only take out dvds just to watch them at home. When I went to community college, I was constantly worrying that someone would actually watch 9 on any of my college's computers. I even took psychology just so I could find a cure and also looked up ways to overcome those memories but nothing worked. My OCD got so bad I had to leave community college just to fully recover mentally. My mom also decided to get me and my brother psychologists and therapists to help me and Daniel out. At first they didn't work because I was still worrying about 9 to the point that I couldn't even enjoy sleep anymore. Also my psychologists prescribed pills which, I thought, could help me erase those memories but just helped me manage my brain chemistry.

I started to worry that because of my OCD, I would never graduate college and eventually I started feeling suicidal. But then a miracle happened:

One day, as I was heading back from Jones Beach, I started thinking about where I had supposedly seen a picture of 9. As I applied logic to that incident, I realized that I could not have seen the aforementioned picture and therefore it didn't exist, so said memory should be bothering me! That night, I slept better than I had in a long time.

Over time, my application of logic as well as helpful therapy helped me finally get my life back on track. As a result, I was able to join a program that helped people with disabilities like me. Then, I soon attended another community college, which I was finally able to graduate from, and finally, I graduated from a 2 year college with a bachelor's degree in English.

Now, I have rejoined that program I have mentioned before so I can finally get a job at a library or a bookstore. However, my OCD has started to act up again. This time it is focusing on trigger words I hear from shows and movies before September 9, 2009 which are related to certain scenes in 9. However, I am still getting help and I am confident I will overcome this. I think the part of my brain affected with OCD was trying to find something new to latch on in order for me to continue having symptoms of OCD.

If anyone here has gotten sick on their birthday, then you know what a crummy feeling it is, because I just went through it today with a phlegm-filled throat.

As anyone knows from Roland Guiscard's latest journal, he is really having problems with his finances. He's had to sell everything on Ebay except stuff that holds emotional value for him. Now, Mr. Guiscard is truly one of the greatest furry writers of our generation and I think the furry community should help him. If anyone out there can help him financially, please do so.

Several years ago, I was blocked by Pyrohawk for no apparent reason. Now, I have just learned that Smokescale has blocked me as well, and I don't know why said furry did so. To these people, I apologize if I have stated something that has offended you or your beliefs. Oh, and Smokescale? I agree that people should get vaccinated asap.

Now it's renthedragon who has also blocked me for no good reason as well and to make matters worse, when I left a shout out to catsprin about how great his gallery is as well as that I am a Democrat who just wants to say hi and how is he doing, he blocked me as well because he hates Democrats. I just think that in order to unite America again, we have to reach to the other side and try to not let politics corrupt our vision of other people.

Well, today is both my and my brother's birthday today. Here are the reasons why I both loathe and love it.

Why I love it: my family is celebrating the day both me and my brother were born, we go out to a nice restaurant for a lovely birthday dinner, there's also a very nice dessert at the end of the day, and I get some freebies from other restaurants as a result of it being my birthday, not to mention some lovely gifts as well.

Why I loathe it: it reminds me that: I am getting older (30 years old today), I haven't done anything meaningful with my life like finding a good job, getting a girlfriend, maybe even starting a family, and I haven't done something that can impact the world in a good way like writing a great novel/movie script or developing a philosophy (or even an autobiography that shows what life is like from an autistic person's point of view).

Well, those are my reasons. If you want to wish me a happy birthday, please go right ahead.
Thanks.

Ladies and gentlemen, when I woke up this morning, I got really horrible news from my half-sister. Over the last year, my Aunt Adriana has been fighting stage 4 lung cancer. During the February of this year, my cousin Erika, Adriana's daughter, told me that she was responding well to treatment and it looked like it would go into remission. However, this Friday, I learned from Erika that she had gotten worse and that they were hoping she would get better. Unfortunately, as of last night, my aunt passed away in her sleep. According to my mom, Aunt Adriana had a really hard life, especially with her birth mother abandoning her, her adoptive mother treating her in a horrible manner, and her husband being kind of nasty to her. I prayed to God that at least I would be able to see her this year at Erika's wedding, but it looks like there are some thing God can do and some things that God can't do. I just feel so awful right now. If anyone could leave me some comforting words, I would really appreciate it. Thanks.

Ladies and gentlemen, it is with great regret that I must inform you that due to complications from bypass surgery, George Segal of Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf, Just Shoot Me, Retired At 35, and The Goldbergs fame (as well as a very well-noted banjo player) died yesterday at the age of 87 years. This really makes me sad because not only did I enjoy watching him on ABC's The Goldbergs but I also grew up watching on Just Shoot Me and Retired At 35. I really, really am gonna miss that great man. I was kind of hoping that he would last long enough just to see the Goldbergs end, but it really makes me sad that he won't see it.

Ladies and gentlemen, it is with a heavy heart that I must inform you that Cloris Leachman, whose most notable roles included Phyllis Lindstrom of the Mary Tyler Moore show and Frau Blücher of the film Young Frankenstein has died of natural causes yesterday at the age of 94 with her daughter Dinah by her side.

Earlier on today, when my dad came back home from work in the morning, he opened the door and my little sister's dog, Romeo (an terrier with a bit of Shih Tzu mixed right in), ran out of the house. My stepmother tried to catch him, but he was very far ahead and too fast. Naturally, my 12 year old sister was very upset, so she and her mother went around the neighborhood posting fliers offering a reward for anyone who found him. Unfortunately, later on tonight, she got a phone call saying that they found her dog.... dead. Now the poor girl is crying her head off and to make matters worse, the sister of the guy who found Romeo called the sanitation department to take the body away and now she can't get any closure from it.

Like the title says, my birthday was last Sunday. It was also my twin brother's. 29 years old on the outside, but inside I'm 58. Just let me have the usual late birthday greetings.

Ladies and gentlemen, it is with great sorrow that I must inform you that during this week, not one but two comedy greats have fallen into the hands of death. Jerry Stiller, father of Ben Stiller, and the actor who gave life to the iconic characters George Constanza and Arthur Spooner of both Seinfeld and The King of Queens respectively, died on May 11 of this year, and, on May 15 of this year as well, so did Fred Willard of This Is Spinal Tap fame along with many well-known Christopher Guest films such as the Anchorman series, Best In Show, A Mighty Wind, and For Your Consideration, not to mention his roles on the show Roseanne as the same-sex partner of the character Leon(played by Martin Mull) and as Hank MacDougall, the Christian father of Amy MacDougall on the show Everybody Loves Raymond. Stiller was 92 when he passed on while Willard was 86, but we can take some solace in the fact that both died of natural causes, which, as of these past decades, rarely happens to people who are so well-renowned for their acting.

When I came on furaffinity yesterday, I found out that I was blocked by Pyrohawk much to my shock. The weird thing is, I do not remember doing anything that would cause him to block me. So I decided to ask some of Pyrohawk's friends so as to find why he blocked me, such as OutlawmonkeyX and Kleskvadrigaar. And now, even Kleskvadrigaar's blocked me as well. To Kleskvadrigaar, I apologize for driving you crazy and to Pyrohawk, I am sorry for whatever I did to make you so upset at me.

Many years ago, I suffered a crisis of faith. I started to wonder if there was a point to Christianity due to my wondering if there truly was a divine being or not because I applied logic to it. As a result, I started to find something that could reconcile my need to believe in something and my logical curiosity about whether or not God existed. Eventually, I came across a branch of Christianity that bridged both logic and belief: deism. According to what I have read, deism is the philosophical position that the gift of reason as well as observing the natural world is proof enough that God exists. However, deism also rejects the possibility that religious knowledge can also be acquired though revelation or the teachings of the church. Followers of deism also believe that while God created the world, he does not intervene in the lives of his creations. However, while I believe that God created the Earth, and that both reason and nature itself are proof that God exists, I also believe that God intervenes every now and again; sometimes for big things and sometimes for little things. I also believe that Heaven and Hell exists but only through the stockpiled power coming from the belief that both places do exist as time went on and more people switched to Christianity.

Ladies and gentlemen, it is with a heavy heart that I must inform that today, the world has lost two of its greatest actors of all time. First, we have Caroll Spinney, the puppeteer behind Big Bird and Oscar The Grouch of Sesame Street fame from 1969 to 2018, who died from dystonia complications. When I was growing up, I always enjoyed watching Sesame Street. The fact that he is gone is saddening, but the fact that he retired sort of lessens the pain.

Secondly(and more painful, in fact), there is the great Rene Auberjonois, the man behind Constable Odo of Star Trek DS9 and Clayton Endicott III of Benson fame. I just found out that he died a few minutes ago, and the pain from discovering that is too much since I still had hope for him still acting. I even saw him playing the Wizard who gave Shazam his powers in the Arrowverse tv shows. Now that he is gone, it is going to hurt watching the shows he acted in and imagining possible roles he would be perfect in.

Rest in peace, Misters Auberjonois and Spinney. Already the world is a little less brighter now that your lights have been dimmed.

To anyone who is following me, this is extremely important, especially for anyone who is a Batman fan, because what I am about to say is extremely astounding: as of right now, on the Epic Games website, all three major Batman: Arkham games as well as all three Lego Batman games can be obtained, but only for this week, for, wait for it,....FREE!!!! That's right, anyone can get two free Batman game bundles on Epic Games for this week only!!! This is not a drill! I repeat, this is not a drill!!!

Several weeks ago, a great actress lost a battle with cancer. On August 30, 2019, Valerie Harper, known for her roles as Rhoda Morgenstern on the Mary Tyler Moore show and as Valerie Hogan on the show Valerie, died after undergoing treatments for leptomeningeal carcinomatosis at the age of 80. Miss Harper, I truly loved watching your show Rhoda. May you have a peaceful afterlife.

Ladies and gentlemen, August for this year has become a truly depressing month for me.

Not only have we gone through the El Paso and Dayton shootings, but we have also lost Toni Morrison, the legendary author of Beloved and legendary Easy Rider star Peter Fonda.

May the both of you as well as those who died in the shootings in El Paso and Dayton be welcomed in Heaven with open arms, as you should be.

Well, today's the day both me and my brother were born. 28 years old and still not a single major contribution to humanity in general....

Ladies and gentlemen, when I woke up today, I was not expecting to discover that an actor I grew up watching just passed away and at the tender age of 20.

Cameron Boyce, the actor famous for playing Luke Ross in Disney's Jessie, Conor in Gamer's Guide to Pretty Much Everything, and Carlos De Vil, son of Cruella De Vil from the Disney Channel movie series Descendants, died in his sleep from a seizure yesterday night.

All my life I watched all 4 seasons of Jessie, all 2 seasons of Gamer's Guide, and both Descendants film 1 and 2, and I have always loved the spark Boyce helped bring to wherever he was acting. The sudden realization that he is now gone just before he could reach the prime of his life is truly heartbreaking for me.

It also shows that we should definitely treat each day as our last because life is far too short to take it for granted.

Mr. Boyce, ride on towards the light, knowing that your spirit will live on in our hearts.

RIP, Cameron.

Universal Rule of Reality #786: There are all kinds of stupidity in this world, but only humanity itself could turn it into an art form.

King Kong Bundy, the wrestler who not only appeared on Married With Children two times, but whose last name was used by the show's creators as a homage to him, died yesterday at 61 years old. May he rest in peace.

My fellow furries, a week ago I learned that Katherine Helmond a.k.a Mona of the tv show Who's The Boss, Jessica Tate of the tv show Soap, and most recently the character Lizzie from Pixar's Cars trilogy died on February 29 of this year via complications of Alzheimer's disease. She was 89. Truly she was one of a kind, and I doubt we will ever see another actress like her ever again.

Another death I must regretfully state is that of the great comedienne and singer Kaye Ballard who, for those of you who have watched the show The Mothers-In-Law, played Kaye Buell along with a series of other parts on stage, television, and film. Miss Ballard died on January 21 of this year from kidney cancer. In my opinion, she was truly a remarkable talent.

It's the first day of the new year and already things are going to pot. From 12:00 pm to 2:00 pm, my mother and her boyfriend, (who I think is more of a father than my dad would ever be), had one of their biggest arguments to date. It started with my mom wanting to talk to him while he was reading the paper on his phone, then escalated to a huge argument over things like how Niall (that's my mom's boyfriend's name) acts like a dictator, feels like he does not get enough gratitude for things he does around the house, and gets a little obsessive over the tiniest things like posts she makes on Facebook while Niall complains about how most of the time when he comes home, my mom is often angry or sad about not doing things, how she wants stuff done in a certain way, and how she takes advantage of his time (according to his viewpoint). Now they are considering breaking up and my mom is on the verge of considering it. But the truth is I think Niall is the best thing to happen to her as well as me and my brother, too. Also, and quite selfishly, I may add, he pays for the Netflix and Hulu we use at our house. But the most important reason why I don't want him to leave is, like I mentioned before, he is like a father to me. What should I do?