I'm turning thirtyyyyyyyyyyyyy.




And now my stupid friends are having stupid children...

Yes, after putting it off for so long I finally decided that rather than spending my hard earned money on something useful and practical like groceries, or rent, or car payments, I instead dropped a couple hundred bucks on a Red & Blue Switch.

Time to disappear off the face of the earth for the rest of the year while I indulge myself in some Super Mario Odyssey.


Also, if you want to add me for whatever reason, my Friend Code is SW-0961-5529-2695. I don't have a lot of games right now (Odyssey and Mario Party are the two I'm going to be spending the most time with), but I plan on picking up quite a few in the upcoming months, including Mario Kart and Smash Bros.

Nobody likes you when you're 23...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K7l5ZeVVoCA

I made another trip around the sun. It was the most exercise I did all year.

Yup. My Wii U that I got for Christmas came in today. SO EXITED

So if you want to add me, feel free! My Nintendo ID is HeyMama555. Let me know yours so I can add you too!




VERY HAPPY.

Yup I'm 19, which means I'm now legal drinking age. (At least here in Canada, where I occupy space)

HOORAY!

https://vine.co/v/hhYgOaWwEqj?fb_ac.....88381481237582

Just got it the other day, friggin LOVE IT! I've always loved the series, and New Leaf is a welcomed addition :)

So if you want to visit my (shitty) town, or want me to visit your, just let me know. My friend code is 0962-8981-8809. I would love for you to check out my humble village, or to see what you've done with yours. Just let me know!


Derp.

Yup. I haz one now. Been rocking some Heavy Rain and LittleBigPlanet on it. I also have Portal 2 for it. Add me on PSN at HeyMama555 if you want to rock some co-op!




Derp

A FurryBook, if you will:

Seems pretty legit
www.furtag.com


I joined, so if any yous bitches wanna add me, go ahead. I will always accept (BECAUSE I AM A WHORE LOL)
http://www.furtag.com/HeyMama555/

Guess who just got accepted to Centennial College's Broadcasting and Film course?

If you guessed anyone but me, you're an idiot.


LOL JK BUT SERIOUS FUCK YEAH I'M GOING TO COLLEGE THIS FALL


http://www.myfacewhen.net/uploads/961-aww-yeah.jpg

Okay. I feel I need to tell this story. As mentioned in my Finally Out journal, I mentioned an event that I didn't want to talk about. Well, I decided I'm going to tell it to you know, so I can get it off my chest. So here goes, the story of the Darkest Point in my life.

October 3rd, 2011. A day I won't soon forget.

Now, I need to give some context. You need to know I was very depressed. There were three factors involved. I'm going to list them in order of how much they were affecting me.

1) My Co-Op Placement
My school has a program you can take for a semester called Co-Op. Basically it means you get to work at a job placement for a semester, in order to gain experience for when you do get a job. I chose S.A.D (The Society for Animals in Distress) because I love working with Animals and I figured this would be a good chance to work with them. It wasn't. All I did all day was clean. Clean the catboxes, clean the floors, clean the cages, etc, etc. I had a half hour lunch and only about an hour (usually less) a day to actually spend with the animals. Everyday when I got home I had a sore back and my feet screamed at me. I dreaded waking up everyday knowing I had to go back and do the exact same thing for three months.

2) College
This started eating at me since September. As I'm in my last year of Highschool, it was time I started looking for Colleges to go to. I had decided on either Humber or Centennial (both in Toronto), so I was getting ready to apply. But suddenly I felt anxiety. I knew that my grades weren't the best, and that the Centennial course (I'm going into Film and Broadcasting, if anyone wants to know) was a highly competitive course. I feared getting rejected. I felt as if I didn't get in this semester, I wasn't going to want to apply again. And since I was in Co-Op and wasn't going to be taking my 4U English (which I need for Film and Broadcasting) until next semester, which meant that any offer I did get would be conditional, and that made me more anxious because I felt that I wasn't going to be able to reach the standard they needed. This put me on edge.

3) My Homosexuality
The people who know me in Real Life might be surprised by this, but the people who know me on FurAffinty shouldn't be. I've known I was gay for quite some time, and I had wanted to come out to my parents for a long time, but I couldn't. Even though both my parents and my sister have told me multiple times that they wouldn't care if I was gay or straight, they would always love, I still couldn't come out to them, because there was one little voice in my head that said they would hate me and disown me. It may sound silly to some of you, it really did to me considering that one of my cousins is gay, and my uncle is gay and he's a lawyer that helped get same-sex marriage legalized in Ontario, but if you've ever had to come out before, even if you have the most loving, accepting parents, you still have that small worry that they'll reject you. Thank society for that one. I also couldn't come out because as of this writing, I live in a small town (Population: around 11,000) up in Northern Ontario, and while I wouldn't say it's a backwards, hick town, being gay isn't something they'd throw you a parade for. This was something that had been haunting me for a while.

Now that you're all caught up, I can finally tell you what happened on Monday, October 3rd.

I don't know if it was something that happened on the weekend, or something just snapped inside of me, but when I woke up that Monday, everything just seemed like to much. My anxiety had hit it's tipping point. I couldn't stand the thought of going to work, College seemed like an unreachable goal, and being gay was the worst possible thing that I could be. I wanted out of Life. I thought about what I could do. I could talk to people, I could refuse to leave my room, but every thought that came to my head just didn't seem like it would work.

Until one thought popped into my head.

It was a thought that I had had many times before. Never serious, though, mostly just as "what if?" scenarios. But this time it seemed like it was the only way. The only way I could escape from my personal hell. Red Flags went up immediately. "This is crazy" I thought "Like I would actually be able to do it." I thought "Won't it hurt?" I thought. But, it just seemed like the way out. The eternal "Get Out Of Jail Free" card. But I needed to know whether or not I should go through with this. So I went to my old friend I kept in my room. My Magic 8 Ball I had since I was 9. Whenever I had a moderately tough decision, I would always ask it. Sometime I agreed with it, sometime I didn't. This time, I was going to agree with it no matter what it said. I picked up off my desk. It felt way heavier than it ever had before. I held it up to my lips and asked it the eternal question. I shook it once, twice, three times for good measure. I flipped it over. I waited only a second before the blue die reached the glass window. It was one word, and one word only.

I had my answer.

I quickly grabbed my phone. My dad's girlfriend (my parents are separated and I live with my mother) was supposed to drive me to S.A.D. that day. I sent her a text saying I wasn't feeling well and I wasn't going into work. She said okay and that she hoped that I would feel better. I went downstairs, into the kitchen. I poured myself a glass of water from our water cooler. And in the cupboard above the sink, I found it. A bottle of Advil. The bottle said there was 200 capsules inside. I knew that my mother had just bought it the other day, and that there should only be 5 or 6 pills missing from it. I took the glass and the bottle back to my room. I locked the door behind me. I set them both on my nightstand. I looked at them again, and asked myself one last time whether or not I should do this. This was my way out. I had to do it. I picked up my phone. I sent a BBM to my sister and my dad, telling them that I loved them. I sent out a message that said "Goodbye Everybody", one on my Facebook, and one on my Twitter. Then I turned my phone off. I took the top of the Advil bottle. I looked inside. There was a lot of little reddish-pink pills inside.

Then I did it.

I swallowed all 190-something pills.

I took two swallows to get them all down, but I did. I sat there, staring at the empty bottle for 10 seconds, 20 seconds. I couldn't believe that I had actually gone through with it. That I had to balls to do it. I set the bottle down on my nightstand. I crawled into bed. I pulled the covers up on me. I figured if I went to sleep, it would be easier. That way I just wouldn't wake up. But I could fall asleep. All the anxiety and adrenaline was keeping me awake. So I tossed and turned for an hour. I don't remember much of what I was thinking during that point, all I know was that it was a jumble of random thoughts. From YouTube videos to old friends I hadn't seen since Gradeschool.

I was beginning to think that the pills weren't going to work when there was a knock at my door.

I asked who it was. It was my mother. I asked what she needed. She said she wanted to come in and talk to me. I quickly hid the empty bottle inside my pillow case and ran to unlock the door. My mother came and sat down on my bed. I asked her what's going on. She said she wanted to know the same thing. I asked her what she meant. She told me that my sister had seen the BBM and the Facebook message, and texted my mother because she thought that I was upset over something. I sat down next to my mother. It was obvious she didn't know what I had done, and I really didn't want to tell her. So I told her it was my job placement. I told her how unhappy it was making me, and how I didn't want to go in. She was sympathetic, at least. She told that if I hate my placement, then I should talk to the Co-Op teacher and asked to be switched, and if I didn't want to go in, I didn't have too. She then asked if that was the only thing that was bugging me. I hesitated. I really didn't want to tell her about being gay, as it scarred the hell out of me. But I figured it was now or never, right? So I did. I came out to my mom. It was honestly the hardest thing I've ever told someone. She said it was fine that I was gay. She said she'd always love me, no matter who I loved, and that if I wanted her to, she said she wouldn't tell anyone else. I looked at her then. Her eyes were full of sympathy. She was smiling at me, and then she put her arm around me and hugged me. And it dawned on me then, if I let her leave the room, and go about her day, she was going to be the one to find my body. She was going to be the first member of my family to find out that her son was dead. And when I looked at her again, it broke my heart. I love my mother, and I couldn't do that to her. So I told her. I told her everything didn't matter anymore. She asked what I meant. Slowly, very slowly, almost as if my body was glued to the spot, I leaned over the bed, took the bottle out of my pillow case, and gave it to her. I took her a few seconds to realize the severity of the situation, but it did. She looked at me. Her which were sympathetic only a second ago, were cold and angry now, but I could see behind that there was a definite layer of fear. She asked me if I had taken the pills. I said yes. She asked when. I told her an hour ago. She jumped up then and told me she was going to call an ambulance. She turned and left. Panic hit me. I didn't want this getting out. Deep down I knew that I needed to go to the hospital if I wanted to live, but I didn't want to go, because I knew if I went, it would be all over. My family would know everything. And that scared me more than anything else. I chased my mom across the hall to her office. I begged her to not call, that I wanted to die. She picked up the phone. I saw that she was crying, and crying hard. She told me that either I would go the hospital with her, or she would call an ambulance. I begged her again. She dialed 911. I pleaded that I didn't want to go. My tears were starting now. I made no effort to hide them. The 911 operator picked up then. My mom told her that her son had swallowed a bottle of pills and that she needed an ambulance. I fell back against the door, tears flowing like a river now, as my mother gave her the information on the pills and our home address. She locked eyes with me for only a second, but I knew then. I saw all the fear and sadness and hurt on her face in that second. I realized what an idiot I had been to ever try this. As soon as she hung up, I ran to her, threw my face onto her shoulder, and told her how sorry I was. She started crying harder and told me it was okay. I don't think either of us has ever cried harder in our entire lives. It was only about 10 minutes or so before the ambulance came. I said on the bottom step while my mom talked to the paramedics, telling him all the information she knew, and giving him the bottle, while the other paramedic took my blood pressure. The other paramedic asked me if I was okay to walk or if he needed to get a stretcher. I said I could walk. I stood up and walked with him around the corner into the foyer. And ran right into my best friend. He was taking Co-Op with me. He was doing his placement with the EMS guys, because he wanted to be a Paramedic. It never even occurred to me that he would be working today. He looked at me and just said Hey, in the most awkward way imaginable. I saw how uncomfortable and confused he was. I also saw how sad he was. Another thing dawned on me then. If I had died today, he would have been the one to come take my body away. Once I got to the ambulance, I was told to lie down on the stretcher inside. The whole ride to the hospital I avoided looking at my friend. I started thinking. I thought about my mother finding my body. I thought about my friend being the one who took my body away. I thought of how devastated my friends and family would have been. I knew what I had done was stupid. Idiotic. Dickish. And I realized how much better I felt knowing that I was still alive.

The next 26 hours were followed by having to swallow charcoal in order in nullify the effects of the pills (just thinking about that stuff make me want to puke), lots and lots of blood work being done (which started getting painful after a while), have an IV inserted into my wrist (OUCH!), having to go Sudbury, arriving at Sudbury by plane at one in the morning. Finding out that the doctors at our hospital screwed up and there wasn't actually a bed for me there. Spending another hour being shuffled around the hospital while the scrambled to fix the situation, finally getting to go to sleep at the Sudbury children's psych ward, being woken up at 8 to have MORE blood work done (the last time, at least), having to talk to two different psychologist and explain to them why I did what I did, so they could make sure I didn't have to be put on suicide watch (I assured them that I was never going to do that again, and by god did I mean that!), and then FINALLY getting to go home. As my parents drove us back to my hometown, I realized that no matter what happens to me, no matter what hardships and downfalls I may face, no matter what opinions people have on me and my lifestyle, I have parents who love me, a family that accepts me, and a best friend that will always stick up for me, no matter what. And as long as I remember that, nothing that can happen to me will be worth ending my life over. After all, there's only one of me.


And the first thing I did when I got home was throw out that Magic 8 Ball.

*Insert obligatory Christmas-related cheer and pomp and such here*

Oh my god, you guys! This video is amazing! It's so hilarious and random. You have to watch the whole thing to really get the full effect!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1RR46FH9QM


I was laughing for a week!

This journal is a little late, but it's not like anyone READS these things anyways, so fuck it.


But that aside, last Monday, after being depressed for too long (and doing something insanely stupid, don't ask, it's over with and I shan't repeat it), I finally got the courage and came out to my family. Not just my parents and my sister, my whole family (Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, etc). They were surprisingly cool with it, though I should have suspected it, since my Uncle is not only gay, he is a lawyer who specializes in protecting gay rights and was a major contributor in getting same-sex marriage legal in Toronto (he also got married to his partner of 35 years in the summer of 2009). Also, I'm pretty sure they already suspected I was gay. I am pretty flamboyant and never really had a girlfriend. I think all I was missing was the rainbow sticker plastered on my ass to fully convince them.

So yeah. My family knows I'm gay. And they're totally cool with. Still haven't come out to anyone else though, since I live in a small town (pop. 11,000) in Northern Ontario, and the people here are kind of backwards hicks (no offense), I've decided not to be openly gay until I leave for college next fall (hopefully to the one I want in Toronto), then I can fully embrace who I am and be free to love who I want, when I want.

Also, buttsex. Lots and lots of buttsex :P



I'M GAY BITCHES LOL HERPDEDERP

Goodbye, Tiger. You were the greatest cat I could've ever asked for. You had 17 years on this planet, and I'd say every one was well spent. I hope you're chasing all the mice you can in the great gig in the sky.





http://twitter.com/#!/chrelliott/st...../photo/1/large

LOL YEAH IT'S TOTES MY BIRTHDAY. I'M SO OLD!




also, HOW IS YOUR SEX LIFE?

HUR DUR I'M SO ORIGINAL NOW THAT I HAVE A TWITTER ACCOUNT.

IF THERE'S ANYMORE HIPS AND COOL PEOPLES WHO CAN HAZ TWITTER ACCOUNT, FOLLOW ME: chrelliott

OR BE A HIPSTER AND DON'T. WHATEVER LOL I DUNNO

Then go buy this shirt I made or something. It's pretty cool I guess.

http://www.zazzle.ca/kaiketsu_zoror.....12627342411236

It's got a fox on it. And Japanese writing. And...yeah.


Also, I get three bucks for every shirt you buy. So that's cool I guess.











WINNING!

I'M NOT BI-POLAR, I'M JUST BI-WINNING.

Hey guys of (insert website here)!

Do you want to help me make a small amount of money? Of course you don't, but I'm gonna tell you how you can anyways! :D

If your wardrobe is in need of some new threads, you can follow the link below to Zazzle.com and you can by my "Live Above The Influence" parody shirt that I made ALL BY SELF! (Well, with a little help from Machinma)

For every T-Shirt that's sold, I get almost a whole Canadian Dollar! Yay!


So what are you waiting for? Go And Buy Many Much Shirts!


DO IT!

DO IT!

DOOOOOOOO IIIIIIIIITTTTTTTT!

http://www.zazzle.com/live_above_th.....78420414882770



(also, do it!)

Chicken Butt




and also




SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD IS THE BEST MOVIE EVER MADE AND YOU SHOULD GO OUT AND BUY IT NOW TRUST ME WHEN YOU WATCH IT YOU WILL JIZZ IN YOUR PANTS!!! WHY AM I TALKING IN ALL CAPS ROLFMAO


But seriously, I'm in lesbians with this film :D

Hey guys. I'm running a mini contest. I'm getting pretty close to 1000 pageviews, so I decided to make it interesting


Here's how it works: The first person to send me a picture of my 1000th pageview will win a free comic from. It will be in pencil and will feature your OC if you want, or it can just be a random comic involving you.


Send the picture to my email at: little_rocker52[at]hotmail.com



Good Luck!

Yep, I'm closing my FA account and never coming back. I just can't deal with this site anymore








Just Kidding.

But seriously, I'm leaving for a family vaction at a cottage up in Muskoka this afternoon, and won't have internetz for a week. IT'S GOING TO BE SO MUCH FUN TO COME BACK AND DEAL WITH THE HUNDREDS OF MESSAGES IN MY INBOX! THAT'S WHAT I GET FOR WATCHING SO MANY PEOPLE. WHY AM I TYPING IN ALL CAPS? I GUESS I SHOULD STOP NOW

One last thing, I PASSED MY G1 DRIVING TEST! I CAN DRIVE NOW! ENJOY MY HAPPY!

So I went to see KISS last night at the KISS Alive 35 Concert in Sault Ste Marie, Ontario. Holy fuck they were amazing! Here's a video I took at the concert if you don't believe me:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VV2SDCCQuqk

Anyways, sorry I haven't uploaded any pics recently. I'm going to try to get some up in the next few weeks before school starts. But don't expect any tomorow cause tomorow is MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!w00t! Yup, I have offically made a trip around the world. ENJOY MY HAPPY!

Anyways, tata for now, FA. I'll be sending you some more pictures soon

Goddammit FA! First they remove my "The Real Wolf O'Donnell", which was my most popular picture. Then you Mature Content lock my account, so that I can't view or post mature pictures. So now I have to create a new account, which is a pain in the ass, but when I try to create a new account, it say regisration is currently suspended






FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK!