Well, I survived!! No, I did more than just survived, I went to FLorida - ALONE - and had the greatest freaking time of my life!!!! The only thing that I did not get to do while I was there was visit with my cousin. Maybe next time.

OH....be warned, this will very long!! And remember, this is 2 weeks of fun & excitement, I apologize in advance if I forget anything.

Friday, July 19th, 2013: After a crazy, mad dash to get things done at work before I left, I finally made it to the airport. Almost exactly 25 to the day that I had last been on a plane. I sat in my assigned seat but was then asked if I was traveling alone, the lady next to me had a 2-year son traveling with her & they had sat them about 5 rows apart. Of course I moved. Which was actually to a better seat I thought. Arriving in Orlando, I waited for my suitcase, which turned out to be the VERY last suitcase, and then headed to get my rental car. Now, please let me explain that the previous week, I called the rental car place several times. I wanted to make sure that I had everything ready. I don't have credit cards, so I wanted to make sure that I had more than enough money in my account to cover the cost of the car. In fact, I opened a separate account just to put money in there so I wouldn't spend it by mistake. I get to the counter and guess what....a problem! They wouldn't rent to me because some technicality!! They were ever so nice as to send to me another car rental place. Anyway, after getting a car (2013 Chrysler 200), I hooked up my ever faithful Garmin GPS & head to stop #1....Gen & Uriel's! It's nice and sunny as I leave the airport & head on my way. And sudden...WHOSH!! Massive downpour! People were stopping on the highway because you couldn't see anything! Finally made it! I was greeted with many hugs! Met the kitties & the rats!! Received my 'official' Little Tales Crew bracelet, a wonderful scarf made by Merrihop & a beautiful handmade bracelet from Katya Rancourt!! Had super yummy bacon cheeseburger for dinner!!! I got to watch Livestream LIVE!! Co-hosting, laughing, having a wonderful time!! By around 11:30, I was ready to drop & headed off to grab some ZZZZZZ's!

Saturday, July 20th, 2013: Waking up crazy early (like I always seem to do), I found Gen still awake. So we sat and talked. I think we talked about everything & nothing all at the same time. Gen finally needed to crash...we had talked for over 4 hours. I don't know about Gen, but it seemed like only a few minutes. Uriel was up & then we spent time talking. We had a long discussion about gun safety (1 - Safe direction. 2- Assume a gun is always loaded. 3 - Keep your finger off the trigger. 4 - Know your target & beyond.) Afterwards, Uriel took me to a shooting range. I believe I used a 9 mm, a 38 & a 22 (forgive me Uriel if I have that wrong). The final target used was a zombie. My first shot went right up his nose! Second in his chest. The rest, sorta everywhere. But that time, my hands were hurting & I was shaking a bit. But what a rush!!! We headed back to the house & I watched Gen make dinner! Her pasta!! YUMYUMYUMYUMYUM!! Did I mention YUMYUMYUM??? So cheesey.....so chickeny.....so YUMYUM!! Then it was time for Gen to stream with Fox. I watched & got the privilege of putting the Dungeon Crawl in a binder. It's one thing to see it online, but something else to see it up close!! I was so glad to that!! I finally gave into exhaustion & crashed.

Sunday, July 21st, 2013: Woke up & prepared to head out. Before leaving the Orlando area, I got to go to church with Uriel. It was a good time. I have not been to church like that in a long time. After church, I headed to my next location. After driving a couple of hours, I reached Allester's. And, of course, it was raining! Ok, not 'raining'....POURING!! Followed him back to his home & then we had lunch. A local place called Tony's. I enjoyed some lasagna! Afterwards, we headed back & got settled. Vegging out & watching a little tv followed before dinner. Allester made a delicious dinner of steak & green beans. I enjoyed watching some tv with his family. I can't remember what we watched, but it was quite interesting. After dinner, we went back to his place, watched some food network & I feel asleep.

Monday, July 22nd, 2013: Allester had planned for us to go to the lake & enjoy a picnic. However, the rain changed those plans. So, instead we stayed in & watched a few movies. Even though the day didn't work out as planned, it was nice to just bum around with my friend!!

Tuesday, July 23rd, 2013: Woke up & repacked. Said good-bye to Allester & his kitties and headed out for my next stop. After many hours of driving, I pulled into tonkawolf's driveway. He showed me his new toy...his Tonka Truck! Wow, it was impressive. We had breakfast & then went back to his place. He presented me with wonderful gifts...such as my Predators jersey! Along with some wonderful souvenirs from his worldly travels!! I presented him with some art & a couple of stories I had commissioned especially for him. After catching up on life, Tonka informed me that we had to go to the airport to pick someone up. "Someone".....funny! That "someone" turned out to be none other than maximus-ursus! That sneaky bear!! He's been telling me for months he wasn't going to make MegaPlex and yet, here he was. They had been planning this for some time. We enjoyed dinner, a trip to Walmart. I got everything needed to bake cookies. I spent the evening baking cookies & laughing as Max & Tonka snagged my cookie dough to make "Puppy Scrap" (And somewhere I have video of this). Finally crashed.

Wednesday, July 24th, 2013: Another day with Max & Tonka. Breakfast of yummy bacon & eggs!!! Then they worked out. I snapped pictures & videos of that. While they worked out, I baked more cookies. We were going to head out for lunch, but there was a problem with the Tonka truck, so they worked on the truck, I baked more cookies. Finally finished with baking & working on the Tonka truck, we went to dinner. Afterwards, we did some karaoke. Oh the silliness!!

Thursday, July 25th, 2013: Left Tonka's & headed for MegaPlex! I managed to get there around 2. Saw Shane_LaFleur first, who presented me with a gift of music & the little guy from Cut The Rope & then I immediately received megapouncegood-to-seeyou hugs from Kittybird!! Then hugged Draggy & met Fermented Skunk! Got checked in & took stuff to my room. Then downstairs & met Jaezel, JadedFox & Arisu! We all walked over to a BBQ place (Sonny's) & had a great lunch with lots of great conversation & laughter. I broke the entire table & the waitress with a story about my job. I'm not sure Jaezel will even recuperate!! We headed back to the lobby & ran into Uriel. Was chatting away with him & was approached by someone I didn't know. It turned out to be Tanabi!! There were many hugs exchanged & he presented me with a a plush Tigerdile!!! I LOVELOVELOVE it!!!! We migrated to the pre-registration line & I was tackle hugged by Matsiwuff!! I also saw Cosmik, Albi, Arius, Keefer, Foxena & Gen. Got through the line & prepared for bowling. At the bowling alley, ran into Blackwell. KB & Draggy bowled with him. And it is now a tested & proven fact that KB bowls much better with her goggles on!!! hehehehe Saw Rhubarb at the bowling alley & accidentally ended up tackle hugging him. (Sorry Rhu). Hit Walmart & then back to the hotel to sleep.

Friday, July 26th, 2013: Woke up & immediately thought of my bestest friend Sumr. While I was in Florida having the vacation fun of a lifetime, she was in Chicago under going cancer surgery. I want to be with her, but she told me I needed to be there having fun for both of us! I would like to think that I did that. Showered & then a beaglederp appeared in my room!! Much hugging & then headed downstairs for breakfast. While we were in the parking lot, HMSEagle stop to chat for a few minutes. beaglederp went to his car to pull some mischievous trick on KB, but instead, got a monsterOHMYGAWDbear hug from a sneaky Maximus!! Max lifted him off the ground & tried to squeeze the air out of him!! hehehe Tonka was close by telling beagle that's what he gets for talking trash to him!! hehehehe Had breakfast at Denny's & then went back to the hotel to wait for WolfTeller. He finally arrived & got him settled. By then, it was time for lunch. So I piled furs in my car & we headed to grab some lunch. A little after that, I got a message from Sumr's sister telling me that a tumor the size of a grapefruit had been removed. I tried to stay happy, but my concern for Sumr was a bit more than I could stand a time or two. As the day went on, I met up with Allon & Merrihop. Got some art from Foxena, Gen & Tanabi!! LOVE it!!!! Changed into my football outfit & met up with Max & Tonka for some pictures! Watched Bucktown Tiger preform! Which was enjoyable! After that, dinner with the guys! As dinner was winding down, my phone rang. I looked at it & couldn't figure out who was calling me, but I answered and ever so glad I did! It was Sumr herself!!! She called to tell me she was doing great. The surgery went much better than expected & instead of sending her to ICU, she went to do a regular room. I was great to hear her voice! I was so excited! There was a flood of relief!! And I was glad to share the happy news with two of my greatest friends!! ( number 54 & 31 inside joke!!) Grabbed beagle while I had to move my car back to the main parking lot. After that, crashed!!!

Saturday, July 27th, 2013: Woke up having a panic attack. I'm not sure what triggered it, but I needed to get away from people for a few. So I hopped in my car & went to Walmart. I needed a shirt for my date with Faboo! Got back, felt better & did con stuff. Met Rosemary Teatree Had lunch with Max, Tonka & beagle. It was yummy!! Got back, met Coyote but missed seeing Dynamo. Went to my room to get ready for my date with Faboo! WolfTeller brought Dynamo up so I would be sure to meet him!! I really wanted to hug the stuffings out of him, but I know he's fragile. After chatting for a few, I needed to finish getting ready Faboo took me to see Fosgate: Ferret Loan Officer! A production by RhubarbTheBear! And let me tell you, you haven't lived until you've had a date with The Great Faboo!! We arrived as the King & Queen of the prom & seats were reserved for us! Front row no less!! The show was wonderful! And afterwards, we had the privilege of meeting the cast! After the show, many of my friends (Tonka, WolfTeller, Beaglederp, Arisu, Blackwell, Fermented, Jaezel, Keefer & Maximus) & I walked to Denny's & had late dinner. Enjoyed the conversation & company greatly!! Walked back & headed off to sleep.

Sunday, July 28th, 2013: Went downstairs & while enjoying breakfast with WolfTeller, Rose showed up & joined us. I met up with Faboo & we had some lovely pictures taken. Afterwards, Max, Tonka, beagle & I headed out to lunch at a local seafood place. It was.....interesting. Returning to the hotel, we put our football uniforms back on for more pictures. Evening rolled around & went to the Little Tales Party. As the party started, Sumr sent me a picture of herself. And, considering everything, she looked GOOD!!!!! I showed everyone her picture, gave the latest update & prompting cried like a baby!! I'm not sure how much better life could've been then at that moment. I had wanted to have my laptop up on Skype so that any of the Little Talers that couldn't make it, would still get to enjoy the party to some degree. My computer failed, but KB pulled through, put her livestream on & furs got to see the party that way! (Thank you KB for coming through.) And yes, I had a complete, 100%, rollingonthefloor, laugh attack!!!! Now, even more have witnessed this crazy event! We had pizza from the Mellow Mushroom & soda made by Dusty himself!! Of course Allon brought fudge & cookies. And I brought cookies also. I also provided everyone with a gift bad that had some maple bacon taffy in it. It was getting late & almost time for the dead dog events, so I said my good byes to my Little Tale friends & met up with Max & Tonka. We watched the dead dog fur suit parade & beaglederp was in it!! YAY Beagle!!! After more laughing & chatting, I retired to catch some zzzzzss.

Monday, July 29th, 2013: Grabbed Jaezel & had breakfast with him. And then headed back, time to pack up & say goodbye to MegaPlex 2013. With the help of WolfTeller, I got my car loaded. Missed saying bye to Tonka & Max. After everything was loaded, I checked out, said good bye to KB, Draggy & Fermented & headed off to visit Dusty. Arriving much sooner than I expected, we enjoyed talking & laughing until Uriel arrived. And then Gen & Foxena showed up. We piled into two cars & headed to the Big Cat Rescue! That was great fun! I enjoyed seeing the kitties!! And learning about them. Definitely a worth while organization to donate to!!! After the tour, we headed back to Dusty's (and no, I didn't drive through any cows!) & picked up Katya! DINNER!!! At a place called BD (I believe that's the correct name), but everyone else called it "meatbowl". It was super yummy! But the dessert I had was better than amazing, better than yummy, almost better than sex .... wait, did I just say that out loud?? Well....it was!! A hot, moist, soft brownie buried in vanilla ice cream with whipped cream! Back to the Rancourt's for more talking, laughing & giving Ming the attention she deserves!!! Then off to bed.

Tuesday, July 30th, 2013: Woke up & tried to reach my cousin that lives down in Tampa with no luck. So, I enjoyed a day of doing laundry & talking with Dusty. It was a great day & Dusty, thank you for the bunnies!!!! Enjoyed lunch at a local Mexican place. And continued with conversation & laughter. Evening time & Dusty & I picked up Blackwell & then Katya & met up with beaglederp at Quaker Steak & Lube for wings! YUM!! Dusty did the triple atomic wings. And beagle had just a taste & almost cried! Dusty relished the burn!! Oh, and of course, there was lots of rain!!! Dinner was over & I said goodbye to my beaglebud! Took Blackwell home & rode home with Katya. Enjoyed our girl talk time!!! Thank you!!!

Wednesday, July 31st, 2013: I enjoyed a day with Blackwell! I picked him up, we had breakfast & then spent the day at the Florida Aquarium!! We went on the dolphin cruise to see dolphins in the bay. And we did see some. Had lunch & explored the aquarium some more. Finally decided to call it a day. We were heading to dinner, when we passed an IKEA. We don't have those in Springfield, so we stopped. We loooked around, commenting on this & that. And now, poor Blackwell knows more about me than he even wanted to.....including my 'dirty little secret'! Leaving IKEA, we headed to Babe's Pizza. OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG! That pizza was so good!!! If you've never tried it & have a chance to....DO IT!!!! Back to the Rancourt's & prepared for my trip to Miami.

Thursday, August 1st, 2013: Woke up, showered, packed & said my good-byes to Katya, Dusty & Ming. Had a nice drive to Miami. Met Koichi & then go a room for the night. After unloading my car, we went to the Dolphin Mall. I had a great time checking out the stores that I don't have here. Especially Teavana!! I purchased some wonderful teas!! After the mall, we had dinner! Sorry, I have forgotten the name of it, but it was on Man vs Food. We ordered the signature sandwich. I could only eat a quarter of it. Went back to my room & watched a little tv & talked. I took him back to his house & then back to my room for a night of sleep.

Friday, August 2nd, 2013: Woke up, showered, re-packed & pick up Koichi. We had breakfast together & a quick trip to Walmart. Then I dropped him off at his college & headed back to Orlando. Made it to Cosmik & Rhu's in the afternoon. Then we went to 4 Rivers for BBQ & cupcakes! More super yummy food with Cosmik, Rhu, Arius & Firr. Went back to their house for a bit, then it was time to a visit to the Winter Park Playhouse to watch Forever Plaid! It was made even more special because Blackwell drove up to watch it with me!! After the show, I said good-bye to Blackwell & went back to Rhu & Cosmik's. Loaded the car & went to sleep.

Saturday, August 3rd, 2013: Woke up & headed to the airport. Checked in & headed home. The plane ride was a little more rocky home. But made it safe. Went to breakfast with my family & Sumr joined us. I presented Sumr with the cards that I had everyone sign. She was speechless!! Thank you to everyone that signed them!!!

Just a couple more little thoughts, I had a great time! I can never say Thank You enough to everyone that let me stay with them & every gift I received! I know you've read in the past about my childhood demons that torment me, but after the wonderful vacation I had, those demons have no hold on me any longer!! Thank you to everyone for helping me rid them from my life!!

One more thought....I have a ton of pictures & videos to dump somewhere for everyone to see. Not sure where yet, but I will let you know.

By the way......you were warned!!!!

Well, it's almost time for vacation. I will be leaving Missouri tomorrow & headed for Florida!! I'm excited to visit with my friends while I'm there.

I will be going to MegaPlex while I'm there. I will be hanging with as many friends as I can. The only things I can tell you for sure if that I will be going to the bowling on Thursday & seeing Fosgate on Saturday. Everything else is kinda in the air.
I don't do any art, as I can't draw decent stick people.

Ok...serious note. My bestest goodest friend Sumr will be having her cancer surgery on Friday, July 26th. She will be in Chicago, not having fun, while I'm in Orlando having a great time. I asked her if she wanted me there & she said Yes. BUT, if she wakes us & sees me there, she'll "jump out of bed & kick my ass all the back to FLorida". SO......having said that, please know that I will have a Get-Well card for every fur to sign.

Can't wait to see everyone. And yes, I will have cookies.

Well, today, work-wise was a really good day!! But that's where it ends.

Anyone that knows me at all, knows that  SumrSloth is one of my bestest, closest & dearest friends on the planet. She got news today that she has stage 2 uterine cancer. She will be going next week or so to find out her options.

Please give her love & prayers.

Not long ago, I was having a very bad day. I can no longer tell why it was bad or what triggered it. But I was not my normal, cheerful self.

And during this down time, I came across the idea of “The Reflections Of Hollie”. The idea, Hollie looking into a mirror and different emotions facing back with the cheerful Hollie in the background, small, faint, trying to get the attention of Hollie. The original thought was no color at all. Just black, white & grays. The idea was that color held happiness, positive emotions & I really wanted to show the negative side.

I asked for suggestions of artist that could do an emotional piece for me. I contacted several with the idea & was surprised that so many wanted to accept the “challenge”. I am so impressed at how each artist took the idea & interrupted it. At this time, I only have a few interpretations of it, I do have a few more commissioned.

Each emotion is very real. And when I look in a mirror, I often see one looking back. And when I say that, I mean one of the more “negative” emotions. So I battle daily with dealing with them. This is one reason I rarely spend time looking into a mirror. I don’t like what I see, so why look at it? But, if I’m not looking at the reflection, the happy Hollie is free to be in the front. I’m sure that made no sense. But I think it’s like the “ostrich burying his head” mentality. If I don’t see it, it’s not real!

But even that’s not always true. We all have bad days. And unless the feeling is SO strong I’m about to burst, I try to hide my bad feelings. I don’t want people to think all I do is whine, complain or have that “Oh woe is me” attitude. I try hard to be a positive light in a dark world. Everyone needs a safe place. A place where someone is willing to listen, offer a hug or just be there. And I try to provide that. Sometimes, I need a safe place. A hug, an arm around me to tell me that my feelings matter & it’s ok to feel whatever it is. A lifeline. Sometimes I throw out a lifeline, hoping…..praying someone will grab it & reel me back in. You might be wondering about this lifeline, it’s subtle & until very recently, no one had knowledge that that’s what it was/is. To my friends that I often text with (you know who you are), it’s very simple. “Hi” As you know, when we talk back & forth, very seldom do I begin contact with just “Hi”. That is my lifeline. That is code for “Something is bothering me & I really need a friend to help me”. If you have gotten that message in the past & not responded, don’t feel bad. If you get one in the future & don’t respond, don’t feel bad. I know that everyone has a life & gets busy. And I know that people care & love me & are not just being mean & cruel when they are unable to reply. So don’t ever feel bad! As the “lifeline” dawned on me, when I realized what it was & that I had been doing it, I was explaining it to a friend (someone who I have thrown my lifeline to). They wanted to know that if I was having these feelings, why I didn’t just call? Good question. I hate being a bother. I hate feeling like I’m disrupting your day. I hate feeling so needy or clingy. BUT, if I just send a text, there is less feelings of rejection, less hurt feelings if you don’t have time. Again, I’m not good at explaining this concept. But this is how I feel. I want you to know that I am usually very happy & upbeat. I truly love to laugh & help others. And I am ALWAYS honored when someone confides in me. The trust you extend is very precious to me & I will never do anything to dishonor that gift. I know I have mentioned in the past that I didn’t have many friends growing up & had a very traumatic childhood. People that know details often ask how I can have a positive outlook, be trusting or even forgive. Why am I not bitter or vengeful? The answer: I don’t know. But everything (good & bad) has molded me into who I am today. I came to a realization recently: My childhood goal has been achieved!! A secret goal that, if ever spoken, would never be a reality. A goal, that YOU have made possible. Thank you! What is it? To have friends. Not just fair-weather friends. Not just friends that only like me because I can do something for them. Honest friends. Friends that like me. Friends that love me. Friends that have been there when my life was falling apart (the deaths of my parents, trying to help my brother & his death). And friends that will be there. Because of you, I can hold my head high & say to the world, “I am a success”!! I realize that my thoughts have been jumping from here to there & back again but I need to try to explain what’s going on inside. I always try to be the friend I would want to have. And I want my friends to be honest about their feelings. To try to explain in as much detail as possible. I want to feel what you are feeling. It helps me. And then, I can help you.

Now that I have said all this, it's time to go back to the "Reflections of Hollie". I will begin posting them & linking the art to this journal. And each piece of art will be link back to here. I will tell about each picture there & here.

Emotions are reflections
of what we feel inside.
Some we like to show the world,
some we want to hide.

But put them all together,
and let not a single dominate,
Then they become who you are,
and you will be just great.

Don't fear the sadness, let it out,
but also let it end,
And let the laughter follow it up,
with the help of many a friend.

- written by cartoonman

To each artist, I thank you very much! Thank you for taking me idea & putting into something others can see. I have no talent when it comes to drawing & I appreciate the use of yours!

First piece: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10710103/ - Done for me by  Kittybird during her livestream.

Second piece: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10717201/ - Done for me by  Zaezar during his livestream. His submission can be found here: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10723942/

Third piece: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10726999/ - Done for me by  cartoonman because he wanted to. His submission can be found here: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10800668/

Fourth piece: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10737884/ - Done for me by  Koichi18 because he wanted to. His submission can be found here: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10674069/

Fifth piece: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/11092097/ - Done for me by  MistingWolf. Her submission can be found here: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/11003633/

Sixth piece: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/11092212/ - Done for me by  o-kemono His submission can be found here: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/11041399/


At this time, the "Reflections of Hollie" series is complete!!

Thank you to all the artist for their time & talents!!!! I hope everyone has enjoyed looking into the inner Hollie.

One of my bestest friends is in need of your help!!

 RhubarbTheBear has a one-bear show in the Orlando International Fringe Theatre Festival this week and next. You may have seen it at Furry Fiesta, or Megaplex, or other cons. It's awesome, and now he's doing it for a mostly human audience. And there are these "Audience Choice Awards" that are voted on twice (preliminaries and finals.) I'd really love it if he made a showing there. This is where I need your help.

First, I need you to go to http://fringe.thedailycity.com/2013.....eChoiceAwards/ and click the "Audience Choice Awards tab. After that, a) register (yes, you have to, but you can un-check "subscribe the the emails") and b) vote for anything that tickles your fancy, as long as you include the following votes:

Best Show in the Red Venue: Rhubarb the Bear
Best Show in the Brown Venue: TJ and Mr. Oaksite (which was written by Rhubarb)
Best Solo Performer: Rhubarb the Bear
Best Musical: TJ and Mr. Oaksite
Best Kids Fringe Show: Rhubarb the Bear

You can also vote for TJ and/or Rhubarb as Best of the Fest, Best Local show, and Best Male Performer. But I'm asking you to specifically hit the five categories up there.

Once you've done that, please re-post this. Put up a journal. Put it on your Twitter. Put it on your Facebook. Ask your friends, your family, even your sworn nemeses to do the same. Yes, it's a viral campaign, and yes, I'm gaming the system a bit, but believe me, I'm doing no more than every other show that wants to win some awards. And I'm doing it for a fellow Furry, not for myself. (That'll be next year.) :D

Won't you please help me make a difference and get some attention for one of the few members of the fandom to step out onto a more public stage in suit.

I'll be back to ask you to vote on the finals next weekend. Thanks for reading and thanks in advance for your help.

(Copied from  Cosmik journal: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4652219/ )

As some of you know, Sumr is one of my closest & bestest friends. She's slowly coming out of her shell & opening up to the fandom. Please read & then give her some love!!!

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4630672/

I have returned from my follow-up with the doctor concerning my blood pressure.

I guess the long & short of it is this: My blood pressure is down & better, but not where it should be. A little higher dose of bp meds & another visit in a month.

Thank you everyone for reminding me to take my meds & check my bp. Please continue to do so. *HUG*

I have returned home from Wild Nights!!

Had a great time!! I know it might have seemed that I did not, as I spent a lot of time in my cabin bunk, I honestly enjoyed myself!!!

On Friday, I was a klutz & tripped on the sidewalk. I ended up landing pretty hard on knee. I jumped up, mostly embarrassed & went on my way. I went to sleep & woke up Saturday in lots of pain & my knee VERY swollen!! So....Saturday, I spent most of my time in my bunk, reading, playing games, talking to my cabin mates. Still had a great time!!! Sunday, the sun came out, the knee was better & I hiked up to the cave. Monday (today), bummed around, cleaned the cabin & then Matsi & I headed out. Before we headed home, we detoured to stop at a place about 30ish miles away. OMG!! The food was AMAZING!!!!!

I really want to emphasis that this year, I had the greatest cabin mates EVER!!! Thank you guys!!! I'm sorry if I wasn't a ton of fun, but you were all great!!! Thank you Caffeine, Jomack, Coribun, eAthulWulf, Zeekweasel, Zahzu, Jynx, Derrick, Kotaru & of course, Matsi!!!!! I hope to see you again next Wild Nights!!!


OH.....something that I had forgotten, on Sunday morning, I was helping in the kitchen. And Pan-Pan (who was in charge) started singing (& changing the lyrics) to the song "Holly Jolly Christmas". So now I have a second verse that I will need Max Degroot to add to the song he previous did for me. hehehehe

I will be leaving for Wild Nights in about an hour. It was sorta a last minute decision. I'll be gone until Monday.

I hope everyone has a great weekend. *hug* See you when I return

So, I'm sitting here thinking (I know, that's dangerous).

I'm looking for an artist for a very serious, emotional piece.

Ideas? Suggestions?? Thoughts???

So, I ACTUALLY went to see the doctor this morning. I say it like that because I know it's been at least 10 years since I've visited one. I've been in pretty good health overall, but recently, my blood pressure has shot through the roof. Many friends & family members have been concerned. To add to my sky rocketing blood pressure, I've added some KILLER migraines. In the last 5 days, I have woke up with one 4 of those days. It really is difficult to function like this. And, yes, I did ask the doctor about that also. He checked me out & seemed to think that on top of my high blood pressure (180/100), I am suffering from allergies. He prescribe some meds for both. And wants me to check & record my BP at least twice a day at random times. I will go back to see him in a month.

I am telling everyone this so that I will be held accountable for what I need to do. Please feel free to ask/remind me whenever about my bp. Checking it & taking my meds.

Thank you all very much.

I love you more than I can say.

I just wanted to say thanks for all the big hugs the other day.

Having issues with my teenager. No matter what I do is wrong. And she's driving me crazy, making me question every decision I have ever made concerning how I have raised her. Overall she's a great kid. Goes to school, brings home passing grades (not all A's but never any F's), has a job, pays her car insurance & phone bill. So she responsible & normally I don't let it get to me, but Friday was extra rough for some reason.

Anyway, I just wanted to say THANK YOU!!! I wasn't trying to get attention, but the reminder of my friends willing to give me hugs, was a huge help. Thank you I loves you all very very much!!!!

That is all

So.....I'm having trouble selling my brother's couch. It's currently sitting in the breakroom at my job. No biggie, except that the owner is visiting from Chicago next week. Needless to say, Sumr wants it GONE!! No worries....I decided that I would get rid of my couch (it's old & we've had it a long time) & just use my brother's couch (he doesn't need it anymore). SO....we listed our couch on Craigslist & had a ton of people respond. A guy came by to get it today. He loaded it on top of his Mustang. And whined about having to haul it up 2 flights of stairs. Don't feel sorry for him, he didn't have to take it, there were plenty of others that I coulda called. ANYWAY, in the process, the glass in the front door got broken. Good thing the tempature is warm right now. But.....BLAH!!!

Rant over. *hugs*

Vacation, that is!!!

I have my flight booked & paid for 2 weeks in Florida!!! I'm flying in July 19th & leaving August 3rd.

SOOOOO.....Aside from MegaPlex, I will have time to visit some of the Florida furs that I chat with!!

The only thing set in stone is MP. Otherwise, everything else can be worked around!

I know there are a few that I'm trying to make sure to see.

Anyway, I'm super excited & ready for July to be here NOW!!!

Well, on Monday I found out more bad stuff concerning my brother. It put me into another tail-spin. This time, however, I didn't let it control me.

Don't get me wrong, it knocked me down pretty hard, but thanks to some great friends, I was able to bounce back up much quicker.

Tuesday had the makings of an awful day, And I would just like to say that because of my friends, it turned out to be a WONDERFUL day.

SO....I just want to say that if I talked, chatted, IMed, texted or communicated with you in ANY way Tuesday (yesterday).....THANK YOU!!! You helped me keep my sanity & made it a better day.

I am so relieved that this is finally over. Today was the day we finally said the finally good byes to my recently deceased brother.

I'm feeling numb & relieved & sad & unsure & well, I just don't know. So many emotions, I just don't know anymore.

Aside with dealing with a couple of small issues, I'm almost to the point that I can begin healing.

My childhood family of 5 (Dad, Mom, 2 older brothers & myself) is now down to two!! As I was having dinner with my brother, the realization kinda hit me. It's just me & him now. And it made me very sad. Despite everything through out the years, I always felt that I could go to my family for help. And now...I just don't know.

The memorial itself was interesting. Some humorous stories were shared & laughs were had. I only wanted to strangle my nephew once. I think his favorite word was "Dumbass" & my thought was "Hey Dumbass.....this is a church.....be respectful!!!" It could've been much MUCH worse....but I could've done without that.

As a special tribute to him, we grab some of his t-shirts (he had quite a collection of odd & funny t-shirts) & had a few family pictures taken. And in one of them....I'm almost on the floor laughing!!! LITERALLY!!

I would just like to say how much I appreciate all the love form everyone. I'm not sure how I would've gotten through the last few weeks without the love of my friends!! *hugs* Thank you

Today we begin a new month. And, hopefully, a new and better start.

31 days have past from the year 2013. And how has it treated you?

I can't speak for everyone or anyone (but myself), but I do know that many of my friends are struggling. Illnesses in family they love or themselves. Loss of employment. Technology headaches. Loneliness. Losing a loved one. And, in general, rough times.

I, myself, have had many struggles in the past 31 days. My brother that had been driving me INSANE, had a massive heart attack & died 4 days later. After 'digging' into his life...let me just say I see him in a completely different way & there is not enough brain bleach in the world to erase what I have seen & heard!! I had a complete mental break-down & snapped on one of his girlfriends. She said she had never seen me like that & is scared to death of me. In fairness....I warned everyone if she mentioned money, I would snap on her. She did. So I did. But, I understand now WHY he was always in need on money. And, of course, I'm left cleaning up HIS mess. (Just like when we were kids) I'm hoping that after his memorial service (next Saturday), my life can return to semi-normal.

Work has been just as crazy as my personal life. Lots of work (which is good). Having the flu for 4 days (BAD). Sumr & Tink making emergency trips to visit their dad (he lives about 12 hours away). When they leave, I'm in charge. Which is a good/bad thing. I'm always afraid of messing up & making Sumr look bad in front of the owner. But I learn a little more each time. Sadly, their dad passed away early this week & they've been gone all week. They'll be back on Monday. And I'm hoping things will smooth out here also.

So anyway....just to recap the first 31 days 2013. It has SUCKED!! BUT, I do want to say this about 2013.....because of all the struggles, trials, tests, stress & crap going on....I now have NO DOUBTS that I am loved. The out-pouring from my friends (both online & real life) has made those childhood demons that like to creep in & doubt friendships flee!! I never really seem to be able to make them go away completely. But I know they will not be back to bother me for quite some time!!! Thank you for all the love. All the kind words. And the willingness to be there when I break down. And to anyone that I may has snapped on during my melt-down, you know who you are.....I am truly sorry! Thank you for not deserting me when I pushed you away.

Around 10:42 PM on Tuesday, January 22, 2013, I had to say good-bye to my older brother. He had a heart attack on Friday & passed away just a short time ago.

I am sad, but very thankful that he didn't suffer for a long period of time.

I don't know when I'll be back on line. But I love you all & thank you for all the love, hugs & good words!!!

First, I just want to say thank you!! You guys have been great to lend support & just making yourselves available for me. Phone calls, text message, online chat, surprise art, Skype calls & even the comments on my previous journal have made this weekend tolerable. And, it has not been a good weekend. And this week promises to be just as rough.

Basically, short of a miracle, some very difficult decision will be made in the day or so.

I don't have any real authority concerning his care, it's all up to my nephew (he's 21). However, he has said that he will not give any final say without consulting my other brother & myself.

I know I'm being quite vague. But I sorta hope that by not saying the worst outloud, it won't happen. I will give another update before the end of the week.

I'm the luckiest hyena in the fandom! Who could ask for better friends!! Thank you

This morning, around 2 a.m., my brother had a heart attack. His girlfriend finally got me a hold just before 3. The dr told us (my, cousin, nephew, myself & my brother's gf) that if he pulls out, he will require open heart surgery. Right now they are putting him into a hypothermic coma for 24 hours to hopefully stop anymore damage. Maybe I'm being pessimistic, but the way the dr talked, I'm not sure he will be coming home. And, yes, this is the brother that has been stressing me out really bad.

How old do I act?

Snatch it from  okamijubei

HOW OLD DO YOU ACT?

[X] You know how to make a pot of coffee.
[X] You keep track of dates using a calendar.
[X] You own a credit card.
[X] You know how to change the oil in a car.
[X] You've done your own laundry.
[X] You can vote in an election.
[X] You can cook for yourself.
[ ] You think politics are interesting (that is an iffy where I'm leaning)

TOTAL SO FAR: 7

[ ] You show(ed) up for school late a lot.
[X] You always carry a pen/pencil in your bag/purse/pocket.
[ ] You've never gotten a detention.
[ ] You have forgotten your own birthday.
[X] You like to take walks by yourself.
[X] You know what credibility means, without looking it up
[X] You drink caffeine at least once a weeK.

TOTAL SO FAR: 11

[X] You know how to do the dishes.
[X] You can count to 10 in another language.
[X] When you say you're going to do something you USUALLY do it.
[X] You can mow the lawn.
[X] You study even when you don't have to.
[X] You have hand washed a car before.

TOTAL SO FAR: 17

[X] You can spell experience, without looking it up.
[ ] The people at Starbucks know you by name.
[X] Your favorite kind of food is take out.
[X] You can go to the store without getting something you don't need.
[ ] You understand political jokes the first time they are said.
[X] You can type pretty quick.

TOTAL SO FAR: 21

[ ] Your only friends are from your place of employment.
[X] You have been to a Tupperware party.
[X] You have realized that practically no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 25 and have a job.
[X] You have more bills than you can pay.
[X] You have been to the beach.
[X] You use the internet every day.
[ ] You have been outside of your home country 3 or more times.
[ ] You make your bed in the morning.

TOTAL SO FAR: 26

[X] You have filed a tax return
[X] You have used a pay phone
[X] You have been served alcohol without being ID'd
[X] You have purchased stamps at the grocery store
[X] You have purchased a lottery ticket
[X] You still have and use a VCR

Total: 32

Real age: 42

32 + 42 = 74

74/2= 37


Man I'm old!!!!

Whenever asked "Would you like the good news or the bad news first?", I always take the bad news first. Simply because I want to get bad out of the way & end with happy thoughts. SO...to review 2012, let's start with the bad & get it out of the way & end with what was good!!

At the beginning of 2012, Rhubarb the Bear moved to Florida to be with Cosmik. Rhu & I have been friends a very long time (right at 20 years) and it was so hard to say good bye to him. But I know the move was best for him. And who am I to stop him from being with the guy he loves. And, of course, Rhu is reason I'm in the fandom!! It's all his fault!!!

As many remember, at the end of 2011, I had just lost my dad. It sucked, but looking back, now I think I was just numb. It was so sudden & unexpected. But now, a year later, the real pain has set in. During the past 12 months, I have had to deal with lawyers, banks, insurance companies, hospitals, doctors and my brothers. One afternoon I sat in the lawyers office. We were discussing the breakdown of my parents estate....You know it doesn't look good for you when the lawyer says, "No matter how this happens, you're getting screwed!". I tried to keep positive & go with the hope & prayer that my brothers were not really as mean as the lawyer made it sound.....HELLO SLAP OF REALITY!!!!! I never dreamed, not for a moment, that things would get so intense!!! Sumr (my friend & boss) is to the point that she's ready to lock the door when my brother shows up at the office, because he is putting me in such a mental tizzy. This is my brother that loaned all of my MegaPlex trip money to so he could move. (Which, by the way, he's only paid me back a little over half.) He's in the shape he's in because of choices HE made. He may not be completely innocent, I still feel like he's getting railroaded. This is also the same brother that had a stroke 2 days before my birthday. He still hasn't recovered. He's under a ton of pressure & is in my face to make things a bit better. HELLO....I'm one person & can't do anything until the courts say I can. My other brother lives a couple of hours away, so I don't have to see or talk to him nearly as often. But since he's not here, he's expecting me to enforce his wishes concerning his part of the inheritance (my parents' house). The only good thing I can say is that this part of the nightmare is almost over. I keep telling myself that things will ease up soon.

I also have had to fight the 'childhood demons' that come in & wreck havoc with my thoughts. It seems like that when that happens, I end up in a valley of depression, questioning everything I think I know. I know others deal with it too & it helps knowing that at anytime, there are others that are willing to offer some encouraging words! Even as I write this, I'm still trying to deal with unintentional hurts.


As I sit here & think about the last 12 months, I realize that the good really does outweigh the bad. It's just that the bad all seems to have peaked right here at the end of 2012.

Let's focus on the good stuff:

Two of my co-workers are now in the fandom!! Tink & Sumr!!!

I got some AMAZING art over the past 12 months!!! The talent out there is mind-blowing!!!

I went to FWA, Wild Nights, MegaPlex, MFM, MFF & F3!! Each one was amazing!!! I got to see some friends that I had not seen in some time (IsfaCat, Rhubarb, Tonka, Max, Cosmik, Dipper/MaxGoof, Calamity, WeaselZero, Dineegla, MuscleWolf, Blue Eyed Wolf, Big Wolf Paws, TipToe to name a few)!!! I got to meet some fur friends that I had only talked with online (Gen, Uriel, WolfTeller, CharlesMarker, LimpingGnome, Ryan White, KB, Draggy, DemiFur, Blackwell Bear, beaglederp, Treesan)!! I got to meet some of my favorite artists (Gen, KB, Draggy)!! Matthew Ebel stuck his thumb up my nose!!! I also got to meet brand new people (Shane_LaFleur, WolfWings, dokatrall, TheGreatFaboo, ChocolateMuscle & others)!!!


I have been re-reading my previous journals.....I can see the highs in my year (going to cons) & the lows (dealing with my family). Man....I whine alot!!!

Before I go, I want you to know that meeting you (online or in person) has helped make 2012 bearable (insert own joke here)! I am blessed beyond words just knowing that there are people out there (some that I may never get to meet face-to-face) that have my back. I believe in reaping & sowing. And when it comes to my friends, I try to sow only the best stuff I have to offer!!

Thank you so much for you being you. And for letting me be me without fear of....well, just fear in general. I love you very much!!

I know I have more to say, but it's late & I can't think anymore. Soooo......

Goodbye 2012! Hello 2013!!

I'm getting ready to send out Christmas cards to my wonder furry online friends. I would love to send you one! If I don't already have your address, please note me.

Also, due to my crazy work schedule right now, my cookie care packages will be delayed in going out. If you desire one, again, just note me. And I will let you know when they go out so you can be watching for them. It is very important that you give me your entire mailing address (such as apartment numbers).

MFF was amazing for me this year.

I didn't make it until Friday evening, but didn't leave until Monday afternoon.

I enjoyed spending time with a number of the muscle furs. Thank you guys for letting me hang with you!!!

I never did make it to a panel or a show, but I did look at some artists & their wares.

Saturday was so fun!! Had breakfast later than wanted. But I didn't starve. Just spent the day socializing with friends & having fun. I had real Chicago pizza for dinner along with a drive around town & a view of the lake!!!

Sunday was interesting. Again, breakfast later than I would have liked. More talking, laughing & socializing. Walked to an Indian place for dinner. I just have a couple of things to say about that. 1.) I'm glad I've been working out. 2.) Nothing makes a woman feel extra special than being the only female in a party of 8!!! Thank you!! After dinner, spent some time taking pictures of the fursuiters. FINALLY got to bed around 1:30 in the morning, only to be awaken by the fire alarm at 3!!!! GRRRRRR to whoever caused that!!!

Monday, showered, helped my friends load their cars & said good bye. I hate good byes!!! Had some breakfast, got packed, loaded & left.

I know I'm missing several details, but some memories are not meant to be shared *coughcoughmaxinmyclothescoughcough*

I hope everyone had as much fun as I did!!! Looking forward to next year's MFF.