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things are looking up
Posted 3 years agoHello everyone,
So , after a drama filled experience 8years ago. i have been ghosting furry events a lot and only hanging with a limited amount of furs.
Allowed me to focus on important stuff, like self improvement, work, buying a home, car, etc. you know ... adulting in general.
I no longer self arm and shit is a lot more stable now.
I met an awesome cute roo a few years back and one thing led to another … he'll be moving in shortly <3.
Now,
mookie-furpaw dragged me to my "first" con in 8years -> furnal equinox 2022 in Toronto. Unlike the other 3 cons I've gone too years ago … there was NO DRAMA ! then again we mostly stayed within our own circle of friends, but still.
No random dude coming at you and kink shaming cause they disapprove whatever they saw of you on twitter, i didn't get cheated on, no orgies in my room or randomly walking in on ppl doing ... stuff... , shit didn't hit the fan!
And that beats my expectations big time.
So i guess that means I'll be attending Canfurence 2022 with the same group of ppl and maybe even get a fursuit to get back into it.
If you know any makers that do semi-realistic and sturdy enough to be used both as fursuiting at cons but also possibly used as costume in LARPS. leave it in the shouts!
So , after a drama filled experience 8years ago. i have been ghosting furry events a lot and only hanging with a limited amount of furs.
Allowed me to focus on important stuff, like self improvement, work, buying a home, car, etc. you know ... adulting in general.
I no longer self arm and shit is a lot more stable now.
I met an awesome cute roo a few years back and one thing led to another … he'll be moving in shortly <3.
Now,
mookie-furpaw dragged me to my "first" con in 8years -> furnal equinox 2022 in Toronto. Unlike the other 3 cons I've gone too years ago … there was NO DRAMA ! then again we mostly stayed within our own circle of friends, but still. No random dude coming at you and kink shaming cause they disapprove whatever they saw of you on twitter, i didn't get cheated on, no orgies in my room or randomly walking in on ppl doing ... stuff... , shit didn't hit the fan!
And that beats my expectations big time.
So i guess that means I'll be attending Canfurence 2022 with the same group of ppl and maybe even get a fursuit to get back into it.
If you know any makers that do semi-realistic and sturdy enough to be used both as fursuiting at cons but also possibly used as costume in LARPS. leave it in the shouts!
Im a broken wolf
Posted 6 years agoAm i the only one feeling like suicide prevention lines only make things worst? Their just listening but have no connection to you... its just not worth a hug from someone you love...
Then again ... when the issue is the fact that your a monster to the eye of the one you love... guess its the best ill get.
Im just to broken for relationships ... the price it would cost someone to be with me is simply too high...
I need to forget about the idea of finding someone who'd love me to see past the broken pieces...
Then again ... when the issue is the fact that your a monster to the eye of the one you love... guess its the best ill get.
Im just to broken for relationships ... the price it would cost someone to be with me is simply too high...
I need to forget about the idea of finding someone who'd love me to see past the broken pieces...
Yearly Update
Posted 6 years agoHeres my yearly update for those who cares.
Work: there was a hell of a lot of layoff at work. Some good coworkers and friends lost their jobs... i kept mine tho. So im lucky. Lots of changes coming up, lots of possibilities to do OT. So not to bad.
Finances: are ok. I mean i have 0 margin to set money aside or to just buy stuff for myself. But at least i make do and im not gonna go bankrupt anytime soon ... being a house owner really is expensive. But worth every dime.
Social life: havent seen friends for weeks... social circle seem to be disapearing lil by lil. I feel alone and unimportant.
Love life : one way love as usual... i keep being told he cares but i am clearly his last thought on his mind.... going to fur cons has a higher priority then i do... i can understand work, school and familly and i find that totally normal even tho id like to come first... but cons.... like really... going to furry conventions has higher priority then someone who loves you...and as usual i keep being told its not for the thrill of furry sex.... but seriously... every single con exs have gone too...ive been cheated on or destroyed my relationships and/or friendships one way or an other.... drama drama drama.... sigh...
Wish he’d take that opportunity to fix our shit instead... but telling him that would make me an asswhole because that would probably make him feel bad... theres just no winning this one...
at some point actions speak louder then words ... i need to learn to stop hoping .... stop giving chances... find a way to stop my heart from loving so easily and forgiving...
Im getting to old for this shit... also i found my first gray hairs... turning 33 in april.... i consider this my midlife waypoint
Work: there was a hell of a lot of layoff at work. Some good coworkers and friends lost their jobs... i kept mine tho. So im lucky. Lots of changes coming up, lots of possibilities to do OT. So not to bad.
Finances: are ok. I mean i have 0 margin to set money aside or to just buy stuff for myself. But at least i make do and im not gonna go bankrupt anytime soon ... being a house owner really is expensive. But worth every dime.
Social life: havent seen friends for weeks... social circle seem to be disapearing lil by lil. I feel alone and unimportant.
Love life : one way love as usual... i keep being told he cares but i am clearly his last thought on his mind.... going to fur cons has a higher priority then i do... i can understand work, school and familly and i find that totally normal even tho id like to come first... but cons.... like really... going to furry conventions has higher priority then someone who loves you...and as usual i keep being told its not for the thrill of furry sex.... but seriously... every single con exs have gone too...ive been cheated on or destroyed my relationships and/or friendships one way or an other.... drama drama drama.... sigh...
Wish he’d take that opportunity to fix our shit instead... but telling him that would make me an asswhole because that would probably make him feel bad... theres just no winning this one...
at some point actions speak louder then words ... i need to learn to stop hoping .... stop giving chances... find a way to stop my heart from loving so easily and forgiving...
Im getting to old for this shit... also i found my first gray hairs... turning 33 in april.... i consider this my midlife waypoint
Update
Posted 7 years agoSo, i got the promotion and my salary is getting close to being almost a descent living wage... should get there in a year are two i guess.
On vacation this week and will be trying to setup my office space so i can work from home some!
So all in all, work aint to bad.
Love life tho is still a mess... im still in love with someone how doesnt love me back... talk about a constant pattern.
On the other hand... ive been trying to live with my past mistakes and make up for them when i can... tho most people to who i could make up for it doesnt want anything to do with me anymore... so i just live with this never disapearing mountain of accumulated pain on my chest....
And yet when i offer the oportunatly to someone to earn forgivness... and make up for pas mistakes... its not their priority... i guess maybe they just dont give a flying fuck... they didnt give a fuck then ... why would they give a fuck a year later.... or perhaps im the one who cares too much about my actions and their concequences and cant let go? Maybe im the abnormal one who wants to fix my past so that my future feels less heavy... and everyone else just manage to live and not to care about what they did and who they affected.... its getting so commun now that i really think im the abnormal one... i should stop carring.
The more time passes the more im telling myself humanity should blow itself up ... if were now at the point that no one is responsible for their actions and no ones feel like they need to fix past mistakes .... why bother .
So... thats it for now... some ups, some downs i guess.
On vacation this week and will be trying to setup my office space so i can work from home some!
So all in all, work aint to bad.
Love life tho is still a mess... im still in love with someone how doesnt love me back... talk about a constant pattern.
On the other hand... ive been trying to live with my past mistakes and make up for them when i can... tho most people to who i could make up for it doesnt want anything to do with me anymore... so i just live with this never disapearing mountain of accumulated pain on my chest....
And yet when i offer the oportunatly to someone to earn forgivness... and make up for pas mistakes... its not their priority... i guess maybe they just dont give a flying fuck... they didnt give a fuck then ... why would they give a fuck a year later.... or perhaps im the one who cares too much about my actions and their concequences and cant let go? Maybe im the abnormal one who wants to fix my past so that my future feels less heavy... and everyone else just manage to live and not to care about what they did and who they affected.... its getting so commun now that i really think im the abnormal one... i should stop carring.
The more time passes the more im telling myself humanity should blow itself up ... if were now at the point that no one is responsible for their actions and no ones feel like they need to fix past mistakes .... why bother .
So... thats it for now... some ups, some downs i guess.
Guess i should update
Posted 7 years agoBeen three years since i posted anything.... guess i should update.
Im still on happy pills and diabetic issues still no where near to be under controll....i should stop eating all togetehr....
Work life has strangly been ok. Aiming for a promotion but somehow it doesnt hype me up as much as it should... tho the fact that i feel my boss wants me to get the job is flattering.
Love life has been a mess and thats really been killing me.... whenever i fall for someone, im either friendzoned, being used as a sugar daddy or easy picking.... im either, too old, to fat, to ugly, to far away ( been told that even tho im a 2 h drive away....) and then when.a random guy comes around that is closer its just... screw it i dont need that wolf anymore.... so yeah... i feel used and abused... even tho its kinda my fault for always trying to be nice and help out when someone catches my eye.....
Personnally, id give up the job, the house, the car and everything for someone who truly cares that wants something serious... that wouldnt just use me and then walk away...
Sometime i wonder if i should become mean, an asshole who tells you degrating things and maybe start hitting my partners or something.... it seems the only ppl that gets the relationships are the bad boyz who dont give a shit...
But anyways, i keep looking even if i keep hurting.... i guess that makes me a masochist
Other then that... new car, tho got in an accident on the first year.... kinda sad about it... but ive decided id try to pay it off enough to catch up on the list price and then sale it off and go get a prius prime hybrid plugin. I fell in love with that car at least years autoshow
The house still needs a lot of repair and is a sinkhole for money.... but on the other hand, as i get the repairs done, i also change the look to something more to my liking so guess thats not to bad.
Also a big thankyou to my roommate whos the first i have the is actually always on time with payments , helps out with the house repairs and chores and all. I wouldnt be able to afford the house without him.
The only downside is being woken up by moans in the morning.... guess his love life is going better then mine!
Thats pretty much it... not much for a whole three years...
Im still on happy pills and diabetic issues still no where near to be under controll....i should stop eating all togetehr....
Work life has strangly been ok. Aiming for a promotion but somehow it doesnt hype me up as much as it should... tho the fact that i feel my boss wants me to get the job is flattering.
Love life has been a mess and thats really been killing me.... whenever i fall for someone, im either friendzoned, being used as a sugar daddy or easy picking.... im either, too old, to fat, to ugly, to far away ( been told that even tho im a 2 h drive away....) and then when.a random guy comes around that is closer its just... screw it i dont need that wolf anymore.... so yeah... i feel used and abused... even tho its kinda my fault for always trying to be nice and help out when someone catches my eye.....
Personnally, id give up the job, the house, the car and everything for someone who truly cares that wants something serious... that wouldnt just use me and then walk away...
Sometime i wonder if i should become mean, an asshole who tells you degrating things and maybe start hitting my partners or something.... it seems the only ppl that gets the relationships are the bad boyz who dont give a shit...
But anyways, i keep looking even if i keep hurting.... i guess that makes me a masochist
Other then that... new car, tho got in an accident on the first year.... kinda sad about it... but ive decided id try to pay it off enough to catch up on the list price and then sale it off and go get a prius prime hybrid plugin. I fell in love with that car at least years autoshow
The house still needs a lot of repair and is a sinkhole for money.... but on the other hand, as i get the repairs done, i also change the look to something more to my liking so guess thats not to bad.
Also a big thankyou to my roommate whos the first i have the is actually always on time with payments , helps out with the house repairs and chores and all. I wouldnt be able to afford the house without him.
The only downside is being woken up by moans in the morning.... guess his love life is going better then mine!
Thats pretty much it... not much for a whole three years...
come and go
Posted 10 years agothings come and go like they say....
now full of happy pills and brain freeze pills and sugar depleting pills ... back to work next week .. lil by lil ...
on an other note .. i think i'm happy ... feels weird .... all thanks to a dragon
now full of happy pills and brain freeze pills and sugar depleting pills ... back to work next week .. lil by lil ...
on an other note .. i think i'm happy ... feels weird .... all thanks to a dragon
the story .. and follow up for those who wants to know
Posted 10 years agoSO .. due to my last post. I've received more pokes from "strangers and random watchers" then from friends and loved ones so for those who wonders here's the story with the latest heads up .. and it's somewhat therapeutic to say that out loud ... even if it hurts to have more feedback from strangers then those involved
i'm still alive for now.
Had a meeting with a social worker, .. will have a follow up every week for 10 weeks.
unfortunately,they can't fill up insurance papers so i'll have to go to the emergency clinic anyways to get that filled, so still no $ for a lil while.
debts currently at 41k $ and going up ...
tried to get room mates to help out with bill ... first one was a prostitute that brought work home and still owes me 2k for unpaid rent and food and all
second owes me 200$
so roomies ends up costing money rather then helping ... so i'd rather wait for a stable boyfriend ...
Love life is still a pain tho, since i just learned that someone i love dearly spreads rumors about me and keeps telling every single error i ever did to everyone ... so he doesn't speak about anything good i did .
He doesn't talk about the fact that i was there for him when his couple was going rough and i kept trying to have him fix things even tho i had feelings for him.
He doesn't talk about the fact that he cheated on me the same week we got out STD test results. .. actually he cheated on me twice .. the second time he broke up with me as my birthday gift ...
He doesn't talk about the fact that when he had a breakdown while dog sitting at one of his friends place at 3am he called me to come over and i was there for him ... but because i refused to have makeup sex at his friends place he kicked me out once he was ok ...
He doesn't talk about the fact that i'm there for lifts and stuff at a moments notice.
he doesn't tell people i went with him when he needed to go to the hospital for his follow ups even tho i HATE HOSPITALS. it freaks me out ...
no ... none of that is said and needs to been done in secret since his friends don't like me .... i fought so much for the guy, to prove him i'm serious committed and love him ... but to know that i'm considered a monster because i try to see him and get us to work and that makes me a bad person .... that's all he talks about with people and it drives me nuts ... and no matter if i want to talk about it with him i receive the cold shoulder , the "i don't want to talk about it " speech or he plainly run away and ignores me for a couple of weeks / months before coming back saying he does care but that he's afraid and it's complicated ... which drives me completely insane.... the more he ignores me .. the more i try to get to know why and wanna talk about our issues ...and the more he'll ignore me ... my only "possible actions " would be to go against my feelings and let go, give him space and try to get him to open up rather then be direct and to the point ... but in my book that would be manipulation ... to change my ways of doing things in order to get the results i want ... that's just out of the question .. no way will i start manipulating things when that's what everyone tries to plant in his head ...
And that's not even a relationship ... since he's obviously not interested i kept looking ...
so i'm in a long distance relationship for a year actually now ... wow .. and .. well we don't even talk anymore to the point that i wonder if it still is a relationship ... the guy is SUPER sweet ... but ... not being local doesn't help ...
Socially: the English furry fandom of the region seems to have all been rallied up against me by him so ... that's out .. i even received some hate e-mails from people i don't even know saying they did talk with him etc. ..
the few with whom i could still be friends i've hurted in various ways ...most of the reasons being because they're friends with " lets call him YOYO guy for keeping his identity hidden to those not already aware of us " and even tho i keep saying yes i'll be there and want to be there and tell myself i can do this even if he and his "friends that hate me " will be present and that i'll manage ... in the end i'll just go work so that i don't have to think about it even tho i'm panicking like crazy and am afraid of breakdowns or of being bullied around by his so called friends ... so yeah ... stopped talking to some furs i used to hang out with , missed a wedding, avoid meets, conventions and any large gathering of furries
however; i'm slowly picking furs that don't judge me for having breakdowns and panic attacks, and will understand if i miss an outing cause i'm curled up in a ball crying and punishing myself with a Knife and belt ...
Lost all my child hoods friends a few years back when they learned i was bi with a preference for guys so i need to rebuild my entire network
moved this summer out of the city so i'm far from any large population ... not easy
tho the moving brought me closer to my 2 best friends,
one of them moved 3 hours away to live with his BF. SUPER Happy for them ! he finally got what he wanted and worked so hard for ! but it makes seeing each other a lot trickier
2nd best friend is going through personal stuff as well and is very busy so even tho i live 20 minutes way .. we manage to see each other once every 6 month ... makes me feel kinda left out
the friendlier Coworkers all have families so that to makes it very hard to see each other
and somehow i feel left out .. as if i'm the one who always need to do the first step in order to see people ... even if they do something as a group ... i almost never get the invites because the " party is already full" ... so i just poke people around to know who's up for a tabletop gaming night to find an excuse to see people else i'll go insane ...
Familly
Brother tried to kll me a few years back because the internet went down and he was High so ...of course ... since the router was in my room must be me ... broke down my bedroom door and tried stabbing me with a ski stick .... I was lucky he missed .. he's the one that ended up at the hospital ... however since i'm the eldest i get the blame ...
always my fault ... so family is not something i'm really keen on since then ... never had an apologie either...
Work:
my work used to be vacation time for all my troubles and issues .. i just drown myself in it till i don't have the time to think about my life, tho it gave me good standing and good statistics and considered a valuable asset .... however ... workload increased by 300% overnight ... so not so much vacations anymore just draining to the point that once i got home i didn't have the energy to cope with my own life anymore ... so things started spiraling down ...
Self esteem :
all those issues takes it's toll ... the fact that i keep being told it's all my fault all the time doesn't help either and that everyone seems to went my to roll in the mud , needing to lick peoples boots to apologies for not being as good as they want or that i'm told it's " my fault" if i get cheated on, my fault if i got angry after someone wronged me and that i need to apologies to them .... i'm really tired of being a carpet for muddy boots
Sex:
bunch of pervs ... you think i'd talk about that publicly now ? that's the one part i won't talk about .... but yes .. there's a few things to list here to ....
____________
well there you have the large pictures ... my personal journal is filled with about 10X more stuff but those are the easiest to share publicly
On the + side ... my husky Yuki is doing fine and super happy that we keep having snowstorms !
The plan :
get a freaking doctor to fill out the insurance forms ...
next time i feel like cutting and punishing myself ... fill up introspection paper work for the social worker before next weeks appointment ( it's torture just the same so ...)
try to plan something for the week end so that i don't despair stuck in between 4 walls alone
i'm still alive for now.
Had a meeting with a social worker, .. will have a follow up every week for 10 weeks.
unfortunately,they can't fill up insurance papers so i'll have to go to the emergency clinic anyways to get that filled, so still no $ for a lil while.
debts currently at 41k $ and going up ...
tried to get room mates to help out with bill ... first one was a prostitute that brought work home and still owes me 2k for unpaid rent and food and all
second owes me 200$
so roomies ends up costing money rather then helping ... so i'd rather wait for a stable boyfriend ...
Love life is still a pain tho, since i just learned that someone i love dearly spreads rumors about me and keeps telling every single error i ever did to everyone ... so he doesn't speak about anything good i did .
He doesn't talk about the fact that i was there for him when his couple was going rough and i kept trying to have him fix things even tho i had feelings for him.
He doesn't talk about the fact that he cheated on me the same week we got out STD test results. .. actually he cheated on me twice .. the second time he broke up with me as my birthday gift ...
He doesn't talk about the fact that when he had a breakdown while dog sitting at one of his friends place at 3am he called me to come over and i was there for him ... but because i refused to have makeup sex at his friends place he kicked me out once he was ok ...
He doesn't talk about the fact that i'm there for lifts and stuff at a moments notice.
he doesn't tell people i went with him when he needed to go to the hospital for his follow ups even tho i HATE HOSPITALS. it freaks me out ...
no ... none of that is said and needs to been done in secret since his friends don't like me .... i fought so much for the guy, to prove him i'm serious committed and love him ... but to know that i'm considered a monster because i try to see him and get us to work and that makes me a bad person .... that's all he talks about with people and it drives me nuts ... and no matter if i want to talk about it with him i receive the cold shoulder , the "i don't want to talk about it " speech or he plainly run away and ignores me for a couple of weeks / months before coming back saying he does care but that he's afraid and it's complicated ... which drives me completely insane.... the more he ignores me .. the more i try to get to know why and wanna talk about our issues ...and the more he'll ignore me ... my only "possible actions " would be to go against my feelings and let go, give him space and try to get him to open up rather then be direct and to the point ... but in my book that would be manipulation ... to change my ways of doing things in order to get the results i want ... that's just out of the question .. no way will i start manipulating things when that's what everyone tries to plant in his head ...
And that's not even a relationship ... since he's obviously not interested i kept looking ...
so i'm in a long distance relationship for a year actually now ... wow .. and .. well we don't even talk anymore to the point that i wonder if it still is a relationship ... the guy is SUPER sweet ... but ... not being local doesn't help ...
Socially: the English furry fandom of the region seems to have all been rallied up against me by him so ... that's out .. i even received some hate e-mails from people i don't even know saying they did talk with him etc. ..
the few with whom i could still be friends i've hurted in various ways ...most of the reasons being because they're friends with " lets call him YOYO guy for keeping his identity hidden to those not already aware of us " and even tho i keep saying yes i'll be there and want to be there and tell myself i can do this even if he and his "friends that hate me " will be present and that i'll manage ... in the end i'll just go work so that i don't have to think about it even tho i'm panicking like crazy and am afraid of breakdowns or of being bullied around by his so called friends ... so yeah ... stopped talking to some furs i used to hang out with , missed a wedding, avoid meets, conventions and any large gathering of furries
however; i'm slowly picking furs that don't judge me for having breakdowns and panic attacks, and will understand if i miss an outing cause i'm curled up in a ball crying and punishing myself with a Knife and belt ...
Lost all my child hoods friends a few years back when they learned i was bi with a preference for guys so i need to rebuild my entire network
moved this summer out of the city so i'm far from any large population ... not easy
tho the moving brought me closer to my 2 best friends,
one of them moved 3 hours away to live with his BF. SUPER Happy for them ! he finally got what he wanted and worked so hard for ! but it makes seeing each other a lot trickier
2nd best friend is going through personal stuff as well and is very busy so even tho i live 20 minutes way .. we manage to see each other once every 6 month ... makes me feel kinda left out
the friendlier Coworkers all have families so that to makes it very hard to see each other
and somehow i feel left out .. as if i'm the one who always need to do the first step in order to see people ... even if they do something as a group ... i almost never get the invites because the " party is already full" ... so i just poke people around to know who's up for a tabletop gaming night to find an excuse to see people else i'll go insane ...
Familly
Brother tried to kll me a few years back because the internet went down and he was High so ...of course ... since the router was in my room must be me ... broke down my bedroom door and tried stabbing me with a ski stick .... I was lucky he missed .. he's the one that ended up at the hospital ... however since i'm the eldest i get the blame ...
always my fault ... so family is not something i'm really keen on since then ... never had an apologie either...
Work:
my work used to be vacation time for all my troubles and issues .. i just drown myself in it till i don't have the time to think about my life, tho it gave me good standing and good statistics and considered a valuable asset .... however ... workload increased by 300% overnight ... so not so much vacations anymore just draining to the point that once i got home i didn't have the energy to cope with my own life anymore ... so things started spiraling down ...
Self esteem :
all those issues takes it's toll ... the fact that i keep being told it's all my fault all the time doesn't help either and that everyone seems to went my to roll in the mud , needing to lick peoples boots to apologies for not being as good as they want or that i'm told it's " my fault" if i get cheated on, my fault if i got angry after someone wronged me and that i need to apologies to them .... i'm really tired of being a carpet for muddy boots
Sex:
bunch of pervs ... you think i'd talk about that publicly now ? that's the one part i won't talk about .... but yes .. there's a few things to list here to ....
____________
well there you have the large pictures ... my personal journal is filled with about 10X more stuff but those are the easiest to share publicly
On the + side ... my husky Yuki is doing fine and super happy that we keep having snowstorms !
The plan :
get a freaking doctor to fill out the insurance forms ...
next time i feel like cutting and punishing myself ... fill up introspection paper work for the social worker before next weeks appointment ( it's torture just the same so ...)
try to plan something for the week end so that i don't despair stuck in between 4 walls alone
1 last day
Posted 10 years agoso .. i,m off to about 24 hours left ... need to see if i can get things fixed.. or at least some of it.
if i can at least have 1 thing fixed then i'll just keep going a lil more ...
either insurance, or hospital finally calls back ... or love life, or some "social issues" ... any of those issues will do ... just 1 .. i need just one to put off the pressure that's on my shoulders ...
else i'll just end it ... I've been fighting to many battles on my own for too long ... i'm tired and can,t keep up ... one last push to see if it yields results ... else ... forever at rest .. no more worries .. no more fighting losing battles ... no more $ issues, no more "universe going crazy", no more pills, and health failing, no more love wracking my body and mind insane ... eternal dreamless sleep
Letters are ready .. everything is in place ... one last try at this bullshit world
if i can at least have 1 thing fixed then i'll just keep going a lil more ...
either insurance, or hospital finally calls back ... or love life, or some "social issues" ... any of those issues will do ... just 1 .. i need just one to put off the pressure that's on my shoulders ...
else i'll just end it ... I've been fighting to many battles on my own for too long ... i'm tired and can,t keep up ... one last push to see if it yields results ... else ... forever at rest .. no more worries .. no more fighting losing battles ... no more $ issues, no more "universe going crazy", no more pills, and health failing, no more love wracking my body and mind insane ... eternal dreamless sleep
Letters are ready .. everything is in place ... one last try at this bullshit world
Looking for artist
Posted 11 years agoriding my dark mood full of death and betrayal... I have 150$ for commissions, i have 2 dark peices of art i want to have done... Any artists wanna make quick money tonight?
Pain
Posted 11 years agolive by the sword, die by the sword.... Pain is a constant in this universe, death is the only moment when it will stop. Being toyed with and played with again and again... Having someone promising stuff and letting you down. Being so hurt you lose friends over it cause you avoid outings to reduce the pain, knowing that person is letting you down because hes hangning out with the friends you lost.... And he wont move a muscle to make it up to you...
When will my hour come? When will i be freed of the curse of life.
to be told he promised people to never see me again! that hes afraid to lose friends if he does! its awsome to know that manipulative ass holes who decides for him what to do are more important then i
And i already know what 90 % of the people will say " blah blah blah, hes always whinning about his life bla bla" ... Well please click the block button and dont let the door slap you on the way out
When will my hour come? When will i be freed of the curse of life.
to be told he promised people to never see me again! that hes afraid to lose friends if he does! its awsome to know that manipulative ass holes who decides for him what to do are more important then i
And i already know what 90 % of the people will say " blah blah blah, hes always whinning about his life bla bla" ... Well please click the block button and dont let the door slap you on the way out
Its been a while, so heres some ranting
Posted 11 years agoSo.... The more time passes , the more i feel like life aint worth it.
No one is interested in fixing the past since all you need to do is a find a new hole to put your dick in, so why make an effort If theres a bump on the road?
Everyone seems to take my kindness for granted or that its impossible to make mistakes.its unacceptable for me to hurt and tell them they've hurted me or to ask for forgiveness if i made a mistake.
even less acceptable to ask stuff i lended to exs back. It apparently makes me an asshole to install back my own games with licenses i lended to an ex because it stops them from updating the software anymore.
Long distance relationships kinda sucks... Never any time to see someone... Well, you cant really see them either...
Landlord is an ass, im stuck with rats since October... So this appartement is unliveable, i need to move. Held off the rent to force the landlord to take care of the rat problem. So he "sues" me for not paying. Need to sue him for negligence get him to pay me back all the rent since the beginning of the rat problems and pay for my move.... Fun times ahead. Oh and dog got poisoned with rat poison yet rats themselves are unaffected.
And i feel I'm losing touch with friends since everyone has their own life and their own issues, less and less time to hang out. But thats all part of growing up, getting a life, bills to pay and so on.
On the plus side, i manage to make overtime at work like crazy! The more time i work, the less time I'm left in my own suicidal thoughts... So give me even more work!
An other plus note... I made chocolate chips banana bread... This is awsome
No one is interested in fixing the past since all you need to do is a find a new hole to put your dick in, so why make an effort If theres a bump on the road?
Everyone seems to take my kindness for granted or that its impossible to make mistakes.its unacceptable for me to hurt and tell them they've hurted me or to ask for forgiveness if i made a mistake.
even less acceptable to ask stuff i lended to exs back. It apparently makes me an asshole to install back my own games with licenses i lended to an ex because it stops them from updating the software anymore.
Long distance relationships kinda sucks... Never any time to see someone... Well, you cant really see them either...
Landlord is an ass, im stuck with rats since October... So this appartement is unliveable, i need to move. Held off the rent to force the landlord to take care of the rat problem. So he "sues" me for not paying. Need to sue him for negligence get him to pay me back all the rent since the beginning of the rat problems and pay for my move.... Fun times ahead. Oh and dog got poisoned with rat poison yet rats themselves are unaffected.
And i feel I'm losing touch with friends since everyone has their own life and their own issues, less and less time to hang out. But thats all part of growing up, getting a life, bills to pay and so on.
On the plus side, i manage to make overtime at work like crazy! The more time i work, the less time I'm left in my own suicidal thoughts... So give me even more work!
An other plus note... I made chocolate chips banana bread... This is awsome
well time for truly making some clean up
Posted 12 years agowill be cleaning up here and facebook in the comming days
quite simple really
if you're an artist and i don't know you personnally but i like your art = you're in
if i know you personnally and i like you= you're in
if i know you and you're a fucking two faced sex crazed kid ... you're out
if you're just a douche ... you're out
have a nice day to those that will stay
fuck you to those that won't
quite simple really
if you're an artist and i don't know you personnally but i like your art = you're in
if i know you personnally and i like you= you're in
if i know you and you're a fucking two faced sex crazed kid ... you're out
if you're just a douche ... you're out
have a nice day to those that will stay
fuck you to those that won't
well time for truly making some clean up
Posted 12 years agoupdate ... for ppl that matters, whinners can go XXXXXXX
Posted 12 years agoguess it's time for an update
new car ! Veloster!
new job : working in TI
new BF: YUU!
Valen is still doing the pendulum and tried to get me to break up with my bf to be with him ... yet he made the full 180 in 3 days flat again ... never seen someone so unstable he goes from loving and caring to demon in 8 seconds flat ... perhaps in a couple of years he'll be more stable .. see what happens then .. kind off a shamewhen he ain't a demon, the guy can be real nice... and cute too!
Wtfur: found out the staff was full of two faced fuckers ... shouldn't be suprised ..tsk furies .. can't manage their life, even less a con
So i settled for the I like furry art but i hate the people* moto ...
really can't stand the : two faced manipulative sex crazed kids that are furries anymore, so off with the meets and cons and shits ... i'll be very selective in my friends from now on
pondering if i by a surface pro or an alienware M14 ... inputs are welcome
* if you feel targeted then that probably means you !
new car ! Veloster!
new job : working in TI
new BF: YUU!
Valen is still doing the pendulum and tried to get me to break up with my bf to be with him ... yet he made the full 180 in 3 days flat again ... never seen someone so unstable he goes from loving and caring to demon in 8 seconds flat ... perhaps in a couple of years he'll be more stable .. see what happens then .. kind off a shamewhen he ain't a demon, the guy can be real nice... and cute too!
Wtfur: found out the staff was full of two faced fuckers ... shouldn't be suprised ..tsk furies .. can't manage their life, even less a con
So i settled for the I like furry art but i hate the people* moto ...
really can't stand the : two faced manipulative sex crazed kids that are furries anymore, so off with the meets and cons and shits ... i'll be very selective in my friends from now on
pondering if i by a surface pro or an alienware M14 ... inputs are welcome
* if you feel targeted then that probably means you !
WTF Meme
Posted 12 years agoStolen from Loopy
Where are you staying?
At Home
What day are you getting there?
Friday till sunday
Who will you be with?
Volunteer department
Do you do free stuff?
i Volunteer!
Do you do trades?
Sure!
Do you do commissions?
Sure ... 5$ stick figures ....
Will you have Art in the Art Show?
Nope.
What is your gender?
M
How old are you?
27
Are you taken?
Yup
Can I talk to you?
sure
Can I touch you?
huh , what where?
Can I hang out with you?
Sure
How can I find you?
open your eyes!
Where are you staying?
At Home
What day are you getting there?
Friday till sunday
Who will you be with?
Volunteer department
Do you do free stuff?
i Volunteer!
Do you do trades?
Sure!
Do you do commissions?
Sure ... 5$ stick figures ....
Will you have Art in the Art Show?
Nope.
What is your gender?
M
How old are you?
27
Are you taken?
Yup
Can I talk to you?
sure
Can I touch you?
huh , what where?
Can I hang out with you?
Sure
How can I find you?
open your eyes!
something new
Posted 12 years agowell haven't posted in a while so i figured i'd drop by ....
first ... happy birthday to me!
Second new job as of today
Third finally decided to kick the guy that's been abusing and using me for the past two years out of my life
fourth new stable boyfriend
fifth starting a CIE based in medieval events and larp industry so lots of work!
so yeah ... a lot of changes for the better ! i hope ...
first ... happy birthday to me!
Second new job as of today
Third finally decided to kick the guy that's been abusing and using me for the past two years out of my life
fourth new stable boyfriend
fifth starting a CIE based in medieval events and larp industry so lots of work!
so yeah ... a lot of changes for the better ! i hope ...
GW2
Posted 13 years agostarted a Furry Guild on GW2 on anvil rock server. if any one wanna join, pm me! Holy Wolf.5012
uncomfortable meme
Posted 13 years agoWhat color are your underwear/panties?
white
Do they have a design?
nope
Girls, what color is your bra?
...
Is there a design?
...
what color are your socks?
white and gray
Is there a design on them?
no
Are you a virgin?
no
Happy that way?
honnestly ... no
What is your favorite sex position?
i'm lazy, so anything where the partner does the work XD
What is your sexuality/sexual orientation/What the fuck do you consider yourself?
gay
Do you look at hentai?
yes
Real porn?
scarcely
Do you read smutty/porn stories?
yes
Do you read/watch/look at gay porn/hentai/stories?
yes
Who was your first kiss with?
My EX, steph
Are they of the opposite sex?
yes...
Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex?
yes
Is there any one of your friends that you would ever consider having sex with?
no
What would you do if you walked in on your partner having sex?
... throw of fit at him for cheating, probably break up and beat the crap out of whoever it is he cheated with
Do you have any piercings other than your ears?
no
If so, where?
...
Do you have any tattoos?
unfortunatly no, no money no candy
If so, where?
...
Have you ever been pregnant/got a girl pregnant?
yes
Ever done any illegal drugs?
no
If so, which ones?
...
Have you ever cheated on someone?
no
Ever been cheated on?
yes
Have you ever been called a whore/slut?
no
Do you own any sex toys?
no
Have you ever had a sexual fantasy involving a relative?
no
Have you ever masturbated?
duh
Have you ever taken a naked picture of yourself?
yes
Have you ever taken a naked picture of someone else?
no
Are you on any form of birth control(the pill, the patch, etc)
huh ... no
Have you ever written/drawn smut/porn?
no
Do you swear in front of your parents?
yes
Do they care?
no
Are you uncomfortable yet?
no
Are you taking this quiz of your own free will?
yep, i'm bored
white
Do they have a design?
nope
Girls, what color is your bra?
...
Is there a design?
...
what color are your socks?
white and gray
Is there a design on them?
no
Are you a virgin?
no
Happy that way?
honnestly ... no
What is your favorite sex position?
i'm lazy, so anything where the partner does the work XD
What is your sexuality/sexual orientation/What the fuck do you consider yourself?
gay
Do you look at hentai?
yes
Real porn?
scarcely
Do you read smutty/porn stories?
yes
Do you read/watch/look at gay porn/hentai/stories?
yes
Who was your first kiss with?
My EX, steph
Are they of the opposite sex?
yes...
Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex?
yes
Is there any one of your friends that you would ever consider having sex with?
no
What would you do if you walked in on your partner having sex?
... throw of fit at him for cheating, probably break up and beat the crap out of whoever it is he cheated with
Do you have any piercings other than your ears?
no
If so, where?
...
Do you have any tattoos?
unfortunatly no, no money no candy
If so, where?
...
Have you ever been pregnant/got a girl pregnant?
yes
Ever done any illegal drugs?
no
If so, which ones?
...
Have you ever cheated on someone?
no
Ever been cheated on?
yes
Have you ever been called a whore/slut?
no
Do you own any sex toys?
no
Have you ever had a sexual fantasy involving a relative?
no
Have you ever masturbated?
duh
Have you ever taken a naked picture of yourself?
yes
Have you ever taken a naked picture of someone else?
no
Are you on any form of birth control(the pill, the patch, etc)
huh ... no
Have you ever written/drawn smut/porn?
no
Do you swear in front of your parents?
yes
Do they care?
no
Are you uncomfortable yet?
no
Are you taking this quiz of your own free will?
yep, i'm bored
time to change the meme
Posted 13 years ago0. We all know what we call you, what about the folks at home? Whats your name?
Mathieu
1. How tall are you?
just short 5'4
2. Natural hair color? (if you can remember it)
brown
3. What about eye color?
blue
4. What orientation are you?
90% gay 10% straight
5. Are you single, taken, or undecided?
taken by a wonderfull Bunny
6. What do you do in your spare time?
games, tv, dnd, anything really
7. What's your job?
unemployed, studied psychology and youth intervention
8. What's one thing you like about yourself?
I do what i say i'll do .. and i'm loyal to my friends
9. Alright, now what about something you dislike about yourself?
slightly crazy :p
10. What's some things your friends noticed about you when they first met you?
hmmm ... physical appearance?
11. Of what faith/religion are you(if any at all?)
a mix of manythings that constitutes my own beleifs
12. Do you drink?
yes
13. Do you smoke?
No
14. What are your fears?
Being left alone
15. What are your dreams/goals?
have a stable life
16 .Ever had any crushes/ex's in the past/present?
1
17. Who's your best bud?
dunno anymore .... just received an email that she was turning her back on me
18. Alright, you got the cravin' for munchies, what'cha reachin' for?
cookies
19. Favorite drink?
soda
20. Favorite color?
white and black
21. If you had any super power, what would it be?
call in the apocalypse and press on the big "reset humanity" button
22. Favorite movie?
many .... but : last Samurai maybe the top one
23. Least favorite food?
sea food
24. Quick! You have only one meal left before you die!!! What is it?
Arsenic "won't get me alive bitch!"
25. What do you drive/wish you drove?
Ford Focus Zx5/ porshe
26. Most disliked bug?
Spiders
27. Most hated pet peeves?
hated what?
28. Dislike in life?
Life
29. Most annoying?
Life
30. Most disliked TV show?
any american soaps
Mathieu
1. How tall are you?
just short 5'4
2. Natural hair color? (if you can remember it)
brown
3. What about eye color?
blue
4. What orientation are you?
90% gay 10% straight
5. Are you single, taken, or undecided?
taken by a wonderfull Bunny
6. What do you do in your spare time?
games, tv, dnd, anything really
7. What's your job?
unemployed, studied psychology and youth intervention
8. What's one thing you like about yourself?
I do what i say i'll do .. and i'm loyal to my friends
9. Alright, now what about something you dislike about yourself?
slightly crazy :p
10. What's some things your friends noticed about you when they first met you?
hmmm ... physical appearance?
11. Of what faith/religion are you(if any at all?)
a mix of manythings that constitutes my own beleifs
12. Do you drink?
yes
13. Do you smoke?
No
14. What are your fears?
Being left alone
15. What are your dreams/goals?
have a stable life
16 .Ever had any crushes/ex's in the past/present?
1
17. Who's your best bud?
dunno anymore .... just received an email that she was turning her back on me
18. Alright, you got the cravin' for munchies, what'cha reachin' for?
cookies
19. Favorite drink?
soda
20. Favorite color?
white and black
21. If you had any super power, what would it be?
call in the apocalypse and press on the big "reset humanity" button
22. Favorite movie?
many .... but : last Samurai maybe the top one
23. Least favorite food?
sea food
24. Quick! You have only one meal left before you die!!! What is it?
Arsenic "won't get me alive bitch!"
25. What do you drive/wish you drove?
Ford Focus Zx5/ porshe
26. Most disliked bug?
Spiders
27. Most hated pet peeves?
hated what?
28. Dislike in life?
Life
29. Most annoying?
Life
30. Most disliked TV show?
any american soaps
pony meme
Posted 13 years agohurf ... why not
Mark each thing you have in common with each pony, then post the one you have with the most marks :3
Twilight Sparkle:
[x] You have a huge collection of books.
[x] You value your alone time.
[ ] You have trouble making friends.
[x] You are very intelligent.
[ ] You write letters regularly.
[ ] You find a lesson in everything.
[ ] You have trouble doing things “the old-fashioned way.”
[x] You’ve recently moved to a new town.
[] You’re rather sarcastic.
[] You’re often accused of being a know-it-all.
Total: 4
Pinkie Pie:
[x] You’re the black sheep of the family.
[ ] You’re majorly hyper.
[ ] You love to siiiing!
[ ] You’re known for throwing great parties!
[ ] You’re great at baking.
[x] People sometimes don’t get your jokes.
[ ]You’re a prankster troll.
[x] You’re a super-intense personality.
[ ] You have strange pets.
[x] You are known to go to extremes.
Total: 4
Applejack:
[x] You’re very stubborn.
[] You find great joy in working.
[x] You prefer the country to the city.
[ ] You speak with an accent.
[x] You HATE cheating.
[ ] You have freckles.
[x] You prefer casual wear rather than formal things.
[ ] You wear your hair in a ponytail(s).
[ ] You have a large family.
[] You have trouble lying.
Total: 4
Rainbow Dash:
[x] You love winning.
[ ] You like sports.
[ ] You have a funky haircolor.
[] You have fangirl tendencies.
[x] You have no problem speaking your mind.
[x] You will give up anything for your friends.
[x] You like being recognized for good things.
[ ] You have no problem defying traditional gender-roles.
[ ] You act now, think later.
[x] You’re very brave.
Total: 5
Rarity:
[ ] You love being the center of attention.
[ ] You have a cat.
[x] You sew well.
[ ] It’s well-known that you’re somewhat vain.
[ ] You love the excitement of the city!
[x] You will overwork yourself to do something nice for your friends.
[ ] You wear makeup.
[x] You’re prone to whining.
[ ] You have original taste in fashion.
[x] You enjoy bonding with your besties <3
Total: 4
Fluttershy:
[] You HATE being the center of attention.
[x] You struggle with sharing your mind.
[x] You love animals and help them however you can.
[] You’re graceful.
[] You’re very quiet or soft-spoken.
[x] You have a secret mean-streak.
[] You’ve been told you could model.
[] You’re the eldest of your friends.
[ ] You like wearing your hair loose and long.
[] You’re very nurturing
Total: 3
rainbow dash ... what ever that means
Mark each thing you have in common with each pony, then post the one you have with the most marks :3
Twilight Sparkle:
[x] You have a huge collection of books.
[x] You value your alone time.
[ ] You have trouble making friends.
[x] You are very intelligent.
[ ] You write letters regularly.
[ ] You find a lesson in everything.
[ ] You have trouble doing things “the old-fashioned way.”
[x] You’ve recently moved to a new town.
[] You’re rather sarcastic.
[] You’re often accused of being a know-it-all.
Total: 4
Pinkie Pie:
[x] You’re the black sheep of the family.
[ ] You’re majorly hyper.
[ ] You love to siiiing!
[ ] You’re known for throwing great parties!
[ ] You’re great at baking.
[x] People sometimes don’t get your jokes.
[ ]You’re a prankster troll.
[x] You’re a super-intense personality.
[ ] You have strange pets.
[x] You are known to go to extremes.
Total: 4
Applejack:
[x] You’re very stubborn.
[] You find great joy in working.
[x] You prefer the country to the city.
[ ] You speak with an accent.
[x] You HATE cheating.
[ ] You have freckles.
[x] You prefer casual wear rather than formal things.
[ ] You wear your hair in a ponytail(s).
[ ] You have a large family.
[] You have trouble lying.
Total: 4
Rainbow Dash:
[x] You love winning.
[ ] You like sports.
[ ] You have a funky haircolor.
[] You have fangirl tendencies.
[x] You have no problem speaking your mind.
[x] You will give up anything for your friends.
[x] You like being recognized for good things.
[ ] You have no problem defying traditional gender-roles.
[ ] You act now, think later.
[x] You’re very brave.
Total: 5
Rarity:
[ ] You love being the center of attention.
[ ] You have a cat.
[x] You sew well.
[ ] It’s well-known that you’re somewhat vain.
[ ] You love the excitement of the city!
[x] You will overwork yourself to do something nice for your friends.
[ ] You wear makeup.
[x] You’re prone to whining.
[ ] You have original taste in fashion.
[x] You enjoy bonding with your besties <3
Total: 4
Fluttershy:
[] You HATE being the center of attention.
[x] You struggle with sharing your mind.
[x] You love animals and help them however you can.
[] You’re graceful.
[] You’re very quiet or soft-spoken.
[x] You have a secret mean-streak.
[] You’ve been told you could model.
[] You’re the eldest of your friends.
[ ] You like wearing your hair loose and long.
[] You’re very nurturing
Total: 3
rainbow dash ... what ever that means
Boy confession
Posted 13 years ago1. Do you sleep naked?
yes
2. Do you sleep with socks on?
nope
3. Would you rather sleep alone or with someone else?
with someone else
4. Do you enjoy drama?
Don't care
5. Are you a manly man?
Yeah
6. Who was the last person you hugged?
Foxx
7. Small or large package?
large
8. Are you short?
Yes
9. Do you like somebody?
yes
10.Does your Facebook password have to do with a boy?
Yes
11. Do you care if your socks are dirty?
Yes
12. Do you think you’re conceited?
Am what?
13. Do you dress up on Halloween?
yes, most of the time
14. Are you double jointed?
no
15. Where is the weirdest place you have slept?
Between two rocks while wearing platemail... Not comfy
16. Has anyone touched/smacked your butt in the past 24 hours?
No
17. Is there any type of rumor going around about you?
probably
18. Do you call anybody by their last name?
old high school friends
19. How many boys will read this just because it says "Boy Confessions"?
Least 1
[] I wear make up.
[x] I have cried in a movie theater.
[x] I can brush my teeth without opening my mouth.
[x] I get jealous.
[] I think Johnny Depp is sexy.
[] JUDE LAW FAG
[x] I love to laugh.
[] I like death/grind/black metal.
[] I like rap.
[x] I like techno.
[] I like country.
[ ] I carry a purse.
[x] I'd be lost without my computer.
[] I own a Spice Girls CD.
[] I own a Britney Spears CD.
[] I own a boy band CD.
[x] I get bored watching football.
[x[] Boys are confusing.
[x[] I've been called a bad influence.
[] I have/had a piercing other than my ears.
Come on fellas, be truthful!
1. What color is your underwear?
Not wearing any!
2. Do you prefer light or dark haired boys?
Light
3. Are you currently frustrated with a boy?
yes
4. What's one thing a boy can do to make you like them?
Care
5. Do you have a best friend?
No
6. Have you ever had your heart broken?
Twice
7. Have you ever thought of having plastic surgery?
Nope
8. Do you like your life?
Fuck no
10. Has one of your friends ever stolen a boyfriend from you?
No
11. Have you ever jumped in the pool with your clothes on?
yes
12. Do you have more friends that are girls or boys?
boys
14. Have you ever slapped anybody in the face?
yes
15. What are your biggest fears?
hlosing the one i love
16. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
yes
17. Have you ever not been able to get someone off of your mind?
yes
18. Do you believe in the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater?"
Everyone changes but it's hard
19. Have you ever had a good feeling about something?
yes, usually i'm wrong
20. Do you ever wish you were famous?
Yea
21. Are you currently missing someone?
yes , enough to cry
THIS BOY OR THAT BOY? PICK ONE:
Cowboy or Gangster? - cowboy
Preppy or Punk? - prep
Face or Body? - face
Good cook or take you out a lot? - cook
Sweet or sexy? - sweet
Armani or Abercrombie? - wtf
Contacts or glasses? - depends on who
yes
2. Do you sleep with socks on?
nope
3. Would you rather sleep alone or with someone else?
with someone else
4. Do you enjoy drama?
Don't care
5. Are you a manly man?
Yeah
6. Who was the last person you hugged?
Foxx
7. Small or large package?
large
8. Are you short?
Yes
9. Do you like somebody?
yes
10.Does your Facebook password have to do with a boy?
Yes
11. Do you care if your socks are dirty?
Yes
12. Do you think you’re conceited?
Am what?
13. Do you dress up on Halloween?
yes, most of the time
14. Are you double jointed?
no
15. Where is the weirdest place you have slept?
Between two rocks while wearing platemail... Not comfy
16. Has anyone touched/smacked your butt in the past 24 hours?
No
17. Is there any type of rumor going around about you?
probably
18. Do you call anybody by their last name?
old high school friends
19. How many boys will read this just because it says "Boy Confessions"?
Least 1
[] I wear make up.
[x] I have cried in a movie theater.
[x] I can brush my teeth without opening my mouth.
[x] I get jealous.
[] I think Johnny Depp is sexy.
[] JUDE LAW FAG
[x] I love to laugh.
[] I like death/grind/black metal.
[] I like rap.
[x] I like techno.
[] I like country.
[ ] I carry a purse.
[x] I'd be lost without my computer.
[] I own a Spice Girls CD.
[] I own a Britney Spears CD.
[] I own a boy band CD.
[x] I get bored watching football.
[x[] Boys are confusing.
[x[] I've been called a bad influence.
[] I have/had a piercing other than my ears.
Come on fellas, be truthful!
1. What color is your underwear?
Not wearing any!
2. Do you prefer light or dark haired boys?
Light
3. Are you currently frustrated with a boy?
yes
4. What's one thing a boy can do to make you like them?
Care
5. Do you have a best friend?
No
6. Have you ever had your heart broken?
Twice
7. Have you ever thought of having plastic surgery?
Nope
8. Do you like your life?
Fuck no
10. Has one of your friends ever stolen a boyfriend from you?
No
11. Have you ever jumped in the pool with your clothes on?
yes
12. Do you have more friends that are girls or boys?
boys
14. Have you ever slapped anybody in the face?
yes
15. What are your biggest fears?
hlosing the one i love
16. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
yes
17. Have you ever not been able to get someone off of your mind?
yes
18. Do you believe in the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater?"
Everyone changes but it's hard
19. Have you ever had a good feeling about something?
yes, usually i'm wrong
20. Do you ever wish you were famous?
Yea
21. Are you currently missing someone?
yes , enough to cry
THIS BOY OR THAT BOY? PICK ONE:
Cowboy or Gangster? - cowboy
Preppy or Punk? - prep
Face or Body? - face
Good cook or take you out a lot? - cook
Sweet or sexy? - sweet
Armani or Abercrombie? - wtf
Contacts or glasses? - depends on who
I give up
Posted 13 years agoI give up.... Depression won. Made me lose all that was good in my life and can't tell anyone about how i feel because all i get as anwsers are "get over it and pull yourself together" and those that are the most important to me just runs away.
In the end, i saw specialists, psychologists, doctors, crisis centers , ect. In the end, there is nothing to do. You can't rectify wrongs if people are gone or just uninterested. I lost everything .... Three times...
The world we live in is sick and rotting ... And i have no intensions in leting myself rot. I'll enjoy the time i have left on unemployment insuurance then i'll die with a bang.
In the end, i saw specialists, psychologists, doctors, crisis centers , ect. In the end, there is nothing to do. You can't rectify wrongs if people are gone or just uninterested. I lost everything .... Three times...
The world we live in is sick and rotting ... And i have no intensions in leting myself rot. I'll enjoy the time i have left on unemployment insuurance then i'll die with a bang.
back to square 1
Posted 13 years agoso it's official. yesterday night i was told i wasn't good enough and that he couldn't handle my depression.
Back to feeling alone and praying that everyday may be my last ...
Back to feeling alone and praying that everyday may be my last ...
I think i'm insane
Posted 13 years agoHave you ever felt as if the world was falling appart, as if nothing made any sens anymore and you were slowly losing your mind? No matter how much you tried nothing seems to work and you just keep curling up in a ball crying everyday ?
Yet you care for someone and wish only he'd show up out of nowhere saying his sorry, that he loves you and hug you.
Yet you know that's only a dream and that he won't do it. That your lost alone and slowly fading away waiting for your brain to finnally snap and stop working.
That everytime you take meds or handle a knife , the prospect of dying seem much more appealing then to keep losing your sanity.
Yet all you wish, is for one of those you have ever loved to show you affection again. Even if it means they'd bring you to a hospital ward to lock you up and only come see you once every two weeks.
Welcome to my hell
Yet you care for someone and wish only he'd show up out of nowhere saying his sorry, that he loves you and hug you.
Yet you know that's only a dream and that he won't do it. That your lost alone and slowly fading away waiting for your brain to finnally snap and stop working.
That everytime you take meds or handle a knife , the prospect of dying seem much more appealing then to keep losing your sanity.
Yet all you wish, is for one of those you have ever loved to show you affection again. Even if it means they'd bring you to a hospital ward to lock you up and only come see you once every two weeks.
Welcome to my hell
100 things meme
Posted 14 years agoBorrowed from hollyann and soryane
1. How old will you be in five years?
31
2. Who did you spend at least two hours with today?
my mother
3. How tall are you?
5'4"
4. What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks?
getting my freeking unemployment $ ... i've already waited 2 months
5. What's the last movie you saw?
3 musketeers
6. Who was the last person you called?
Jake
7. Who was the last person to call you?
Jake
8. What was the last text message you received?
Jake finished work early
9. Who was the last person to leave you a voicemail?
job interview
10. Do you prefer to call or text?
call
11. What were you doing at 12am last night?
playing league of legend
12. Are your parents married/divorced?
married
13. What time did you wake up today?
around 8
14. What color are your eyes?
blue
15. What are you wearing right now?
Emestria T-shirt with jeans
16. What’s your least favorite part of sex?
is there such a thing?
17. Do you like Christmas songs?
yes
18. Do you have a favorite place or places?
around a campfire on a cool night
19. Do you have a least favorite place or places?
hospitals
20. Where would you go if you could go anywhere?
japan
21. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years?
hopefully married
22. Do you tan or burn?
grill
23. Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
without ;)
24. Would you ever wear a thong?
dunno .. should try a least once i guess
25. How big is your bed?
Queen
26. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
ghosts
27. Do you have a laptop or desktop computer?
both
28. What was the last thing that really made you laugh?
human stupidity
29. What color are your sheets?
brown
30. How many pillows do you sleep with?
3
31. What is your favorite season?
spring
33. What do you like about winter?
it ain't too hot
34. What do you like about the summer?
it ain't too cold
35. What is your favorite aspect of spring?
it's romantic
36. How many states/provinces have you lived in?
one
37. What cities/towns have you lived in?
2
38. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?
shoes
39. Are you a social person?
not really but i do like to hang out once in a while
40. What was the last thing you ate?
sushi
41. What is your favorite restaurant?
don't really have one, anywhere fancy and coazy
42. What is your favorite kind of ice cream?
Rolo
43. What is your favorite dessert?
shouldn't be named in public ;p
44. What is your favorite kind of soup?
beef and barley
45. What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J sandwich?
none, i don't eat pb and j
46. Do you like Chinese food?
Yes
47. Do you like coffee?
yes
48. How many glasses of water, a day, do you drink on average?
5
49. What do you drink in the morning?
water with meds
50. What church/temple/synagogue/other do you attend?
catholic church once in a while
51. When was the last time you went to church/temple/synagogue/other?
2 month ago
52. Have you ever said the words to a prayer and not really meant it?
no
53. Do you like to cuddle?
Yes
54. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed?
yes
55. Regarding your future, what is the best thing you could hope for?
being happy with the one i love
56. Have you ever gotten stage fright?
yes
57. Do you believe in ghosts?
yes
58. Do you know how to play poker?
yes .. tho i suck at it
59. Do you want kids?
muh
60. Do you speak any other languages?
french, understands spanish and some japanese
61. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today?
0
62. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time?
exercise
63. Have you ever written a letter to a politician?
no
64. When flying, do you prefer a window seat or an aisle seats?
window
65. Do you know how to drive a stick?
yes
66. What is your favorite thing to spend money on?
electronics
67. What's your preferred method of paying for things?
Credit
68. What is/are your favorite TV show/s?
supernatural
69. Can you roll your tongue?
yes
70. Who is the funniest person you know?
not sure
71. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
sometimes
72. What is the main ring tone on your phone?
dring dring dring?
73. Do you still have clothes from when you were little?
nope
74. What red object is closest to you right now?
keychain
75. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through (one of the long ones)?
no
76. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
closed
77. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees?
bear
78. Do you flirt a lot?
no
79. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
honey
80. What are you most afraid of?
not being loved
81. Can you change the oil on a car?
yep
82. Have you ever run out of gas?
no
83. Sum yourself up in 10 words or less.
Crazy, pushy, romantic, strict, needy, honest, fast paced, in love
84. If you were an evil bastard, what would you be doing?
cutting people down with a rusted spoon starting with the toes
85. What was the last book you read?
within hallowed walls
86. Do you read the newspaper?
sometimes
87. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
No
89. Do you watch soap operas?
No
90. If you were taking a poop and eating a bowl of cereal at the same time and you dropped the cereal, which would you do: finish pooping then clean up the cereal or clean up the cereal then finish pooping?
huh ... poop first?
91. Who is in the picture frame closest to you?
furry art?
92. Jane Austen, yea or nay?
who?
93. What was the last note you scribbled on a piece of paper?
grosseries
94. What is your favorite candle scent?
vanilla
95. What is your favorite board game?
settlers of catan and risk 2210
97. How is your relationship with your mother?
muh
98. Who was your favorite teacher in high school?
sec 3 english teacher
99. What is the longest you have ever camped out in a tent?
1 week
100. Who was the last person to do something extra special for you?
Jake
1. How old will you be in five years?
31
2. Who did you spend at least two hours with today?
my mother
3. How tall are you?
5'4"
4. What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks?
getting my freeking unemployment $ ... i've already waited 2 months
5. What's the last movie you saw?
3 musketeers
6. Who was the last person you called?
Jake
7. Who was the last person to call you?
Jake
8. What was the last text message you received?
Jake finished work early
9. Who was the last person to leave you a voicemail?
job interview
10. Do you prefer to call or text?
call
11. What were you doing at 12am last night?
playing league of legend
12. Are your parents married/divorced?
married
13. What time did you wake up today?
around 8
14. What color are your eyes?
blue
15. What are you wearing right now?
Emestria T-shirt with jeans
16. What’s your least favorite part of sex?
is there such a thing?
17. Do you like Christmas songs?
yes
18. Do you have a favorite place or places?
around a campfire on a cool night
19. Do you have a least favorite place or places?
hospitals
20. Where would you go if you could go anywhere?
japan
21. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years?
hopefully married
22. Do you tan or burn?
grill
23. Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
without ;)
24. Would you ever wear a thong?
dunno .. should try a least once i guess
25. How big is your bed?
Queen
26. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
ghosts
27. Do you have a laptop or desktop computer?
both
28. What was the last thing that really made you laugh?
human stupidity
29. What color are your sheets?
brown
30. How many pillows do you sleep with?
3
31. What is your favorite season?
spring
33. What do you like about winter?
it ain't too hot
34. What do you like about the summer?
it ain't too cold
35. What is your favorite aspect of spring?
it's romantic
36. How many states/provinces have you lived in?
one
37. What cities/towns have you lived in?
2
38. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?
shoes
39. Are you a social person?
not really but i do like to hang out once in a while
40. What was the last thing you ate?
sushi
41. What is your favorite restaurant?
don't really have one, anywhere fancy and coazy
42. What is your favorite kind of ice cream?
Rolo
43. What is your favorite dessert?
shouldn't be named in public ;p
44. What is your favorite kind of soup?
beef and barley
45. What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J sandwich?
none, i don't eat pb and j
46. Do you like Chinese food?
Yes
47. Do you like coffee?
yes
48. How many glasses of water, a day, do you drink on average?
5
49. What do you drink in the morning?
water with meds
50. What church/temple/synagogue/other do you attend?
catholic church once in a while
51. When was the last time you went to church/temple/synagogue/other?
2 month ago
52. Have you ever said the words to a prayer and not really meant it?
no
53. Do you like to cuddle?
Yes
54. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed?
yes
55. Regarding your future, what is the best thing you could hope for?
being happy with the one i love
56. Have you ever gotten stage fright?
yes
57. Do you believe in ghosts?
yes
58. Do you know how to play poker?
yes .. tho i suck at it
59. Do you want kids?
muh
60. Do you speak any other languages?
french, understands spanish and some japanese
61. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today?
0
62. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time?
exercise
63. Have you ever written a letter to a politician?
no
64. When flying, do you prefer a window seat or an aisle seats?
window
65. Do you know how to drive a stick?
yes
66. What is your favorite thing to spend money on?
electronics
67. What's your preferred method of paying for things?
Credit
68. What is/are your favorite TV show/s?
supernatural
69. Can you roll your tongue?
yes
70. Who is the funniest person you know?
not sure
71. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
sometimes
72. What is the main ring tone on your phone?
dring dring dring?
73. Do you still have clothes from when you were little?
nope
74. What red object is closest to you right now?
keychain
75. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through (one of the long ones)?
no
76. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
closed
77. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees?
bear
78. Do you flirt a lot?
no
79. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
honey
80. What are you most afraid of?
not being loved
81. Can you change the oil on a car?
yep
82. Have you ever run out of gas?
no
83. Sum yourself up in 10 words or less.
Crazy, pushy, romantic, strict, needy, honest, fast paced, in love
84. If you were an evil bastard, what would you be doing?
cutting people down with a rusted spoon starting with the toes
85. What was the last book you read?
within hallowed walls
86. Do you read the newspaper?
sometimes
87. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
No
89. Do you watch soap operas?
No
90. If you were taking a poop and eating a bowl of cereal at the same time and you dropped the cereal, which would you do: finish pooping then clean up the cereal or clean up the cereal then finish pooping?
huh ... poop first?
91. Who is in the picture frame closest to you?
furry art?
92. Jane Austen, yea or nay?
who?
93. What was the last note you scribbled on a piece of paper?
grosseries
94. What is your favorite candle scent?
vanilla
95. What is your favorite board game?
settlers of catan and risk 2210
97. How is your relationship with your mother?
muh
98. Who was your favorite teacher in high school?
sec 3 english teacher
99. What is the longest you have ever camped out in a tent?
1 week
100. Who was the last person to do something extra special for you?
Jake
