I got a new drawing tablet as an early birthday gift.

my lineart has depth now.

amazing.

hey i'm not too miserable anymore

not even being facetious i've just accepted that i don't need to rely on my drawing tablet or my drawings as a way to make income

also i've been trying to give my channel thingy a slight reboot and that old journal from three months ago is a huge buzzkill yaaay

I called Wacom to see if any repairs could be done for my drawing tablet and apparently whatever's up with it is kinda common and needs $170 USD to get fixed. Like bruh... I'm in college...

I haven't been able to land employment, I don't want to ask for help from my family, and the only way for me to independently make money is to use my tablet to draw commissions for people! I really don't know what to do for money and not being able to draw stuff is driving me crazy. I just want ideas for what kind of stuff I could do...

my friends invited me out but i had plans with my fam but then they had to cancel and my bro (who organized the whole thing) never told me and i found out too late and as soon as i texted my friends they were like "nah man we're already splitting up n goin home" and now i just feel bad and sad and whatever like i bet they had a great time without me and ill never see most of them again bc cool leg and what if they lied about goin home like they didnt want me to come and my brain wont fucking shut up.

i love attention whoring via shitty sob stories and i hate it.

i just needed to vent thanks ill go back to drawing furry smut now.

Took another week-long break and I've returned home!

Gotta be honest though, I probably won't be able to be as active as I have been in the past. I'll be leaving for uni mid-august-ish, but I'll try to have updates between now and then!

*coughs* Okay so liiieekkkk...

Y'know that horrible thing where an artist is like "I have so many ideas but no motivation" and then later the artist is like "I have so much motivation but no ideas"

Yeah that last one is me like I want to draw but nothing looks right and I have no ideas or anything and now that I'm not being paid to draw stuff I got nothing and like dang I have no ideas for adoptables or ychs or aaaanything guh.

SO! FOCUS GROUP TIME! What would you watchers like to see from me? Want more pokemon? More TF sequences? More stories? Want me to fucking finally finish plush nightmare from three fucking months ago which I haven't looked at in eons but know I'm really close to finishing it? Or maybe I could start up some little comic serieseseseses? Or you want more simple lewd stuff? God damn have I even drawn simple sex scene pics?

oh man im a mess

I'm holding more YCH's and other auctions and stuff.

so yeah.

Commissions are open as always, but I need to reduce the price some.


i dont know what i was trying to achieve by writing this journal

so on my flight back the pilot came out and was like "hello everyone :) im ur pilot and im a guurrl" and this one guy who sat next to me was like "a girl pilot???? i better rape her to keep her in the kitchen!!!!" and then the pilot was like "haha um :)))) sweaty :))))))))))))) if i was better off in the kitchen, then, why would you even bother??" and then the pilot threw her tampon right into the guy's eye killing him instantly.

and then everyone was clapping

goin to cancun ill be back 6/12/17

kthxbaiiii

why does no one like my art.




i mean i bet it looks like shit compared to everyone else's around here but



shit man...


i need to finish plush nightmare
but if i do, will the guys who started watching me for it stop watching once its done?
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh im overthinking everything

fuck it, i should make my mutagen auction free and just keep on doing requests for people.
i dont even need money for anything big (well, not until august or so,) so i should stop making my shitty pictures cost money.



i spend way too much worrying about this stuff for being someone who's trying to keep this stuff on the lowkey.


ugh

pls dont think im attention whoring.
but actually i am.
notice me kaydex-senpai i did mpreg just for u
not really tho but i had you in mind.

this has been honeybeedragon and i want death.
"oou-wooue"

Things are looking up!

School's ending fast, my tablet's all better, and I'm getting a lot of requests which is always flattering! ^//u\\^ also my brother's back from cool leg (i should probs do some official art of him) and I'm feeling more confident in my writing. Thank you all so much for your support and giving me so many opportunities to improve my artistic skills, and don' worry about a thing! ESPECIALLY YOU  Xodiac, my tablet's all better thanks to  LivingDream

Also I'll probably become a bit inactive for a week in June for a little family vacation, so there's a heads-up, and then another week in July for a camp at the college I've been accepted to :3

So yeah... let's hope this creative high lasts for a long time

[EDIT] why do some people favorite a submission then immediately delete it from their favorites like is it for attention or something? Don't tease me like that if you don't really mean it... ;~;

uuuuuuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH

As soon as I feel like I'm getting somewhere with digital drawing, things get weeeiiird.
I have a medium intuos pro pen tablet and it used to work like a dream! But now it's absolutely obnoxious. Sometimes it would suddenly zoom in or zoom out on whatever I'm working on, the pen hasn't been working the same, where by pressing on the little side button it would automatically use the eyedropper tool, it hasn't been working at all, and the eraser side hasn't worked either, and none of the buttons on the actual tablet work. It doesn't really seem like much, but it's REALLY annoying me and keeping me from working happily/productively. If any of you guys can help, I'd crazy appreciate it. [EDIT] I also noticed that the tablet doesn't seem to register pressure, which is rEALLY SCREWING WITH ME HARDCORE IF I DIDN'T NEED PRESSURE REGISTRATION THEN I WOULD JUST DRAW USING MY LAPTOP'S TOUCHSCREEN I DIDN'T SPEND $700 DOLLARS LIKE THREE YEARS AGO FOR THIS CRAP

Also, again, I'm sorry the YCH has been delayed by like a month. I feel so literaturally (probs not a real word) drained...

this morning i had a dream i was an anthro bird walking around a fancy hotel and they were hosting some random thing where other anthros were just chillin in the halls in those fancy reclining beach chairs rockin out with their cocks out and i saw this one dragon or lizard guy, i dont remember if he had wings but he was black with weird orange and green hourglass/aztec? markings and was kinda tall and had a medium build and i just waltzed right up to him, sat down and leaned on his chair until he noticed me, whereupon i went for his dick and started suckin on it. it felt really weird and had the same sort of texture as a snake and i couldn't really go all that fast on it for whatever reason, but damn. ive never really had sexual dreams like that before and its really unlike me to jump right in like that, and for some reason i cant forget that dream like i forget all the rest. every detail is still in my mind like pomegranate stains and honestly it makes me feel like im going completely nuts. maybe ill do a short story on it just to get it out of my mind or something.

but the worst part of it all, the horrible thing that takes this odd fantasy over the edge into becoming a vision of insanity, is that i dont know how a bird can give oral.

beaks, man.

i need to see a psychiatrist or something.

What's the difference between anthro snakes and nagas? Do all anthro snakes have legs? Do nagas need human upper halves or can they be snakey? Why do snakes have diphilia? That last one was less of a question for the community and more for biology as a whole. Also sharks. Why do sharks have two dicks? Are anthro snakes even a thing or are they just human-sized normal snakes without limbs!? Excluding the tails, how many limbs do snakes and nagas have!?

Why do I make my journals so pointlessly long.

I normally listen to podcasts like 24/7 when I'm not writing serious stuff which is why most of these journals are incoherent, like I don't even remember what my last journal said tbh.

oN THE SUBJECT OF PLUSH NIGHTMARE YES THIS AGAIN why have I made this story the entire goal of my life rn Something's sort of come up about it and I want to make sure that the story is appropriate for the lovely people who have signed up their characters for the story and I'm waiting to hear back from one of them :3 so in the meantime I am currently working on finishing up another quick story yaaaay. Just wanted to let you guys know, since I keep on talking about how close I am to finishing :3 and thank you for your patience, of course!

Also thanks in advance for 100 page visits!

I should really calm down with the journals I must be filling up my watchers' notifications like hell -.-"

I kinda feel bad since that YCH is taking so long, but more and more over time it just feels less and less... genuine, I guess you could say? And of course with "The Vernal Temple" and that little doodle I just posted a little while ago it seems like I can really crank out some content, but I don't understand why I'm feeling so apprehensive towards writing it. I've gotten to the climax, of course, but with all this wait I'm afraid it might not be fulfilling enough, and that sucks... But I'm still going to do it! I can't believe it's taken me this long to write it, although there have been some unproductive days with it due to homework and whatever, but man... I'm to much of an attention whore (>.>)

I've sort of decided that after I complete Plush Nightmare, I'll buy paint tool sai and do more "professional" digital art practicing, seeing as ms paint makes me want to stab my eyes out with my own two thumbs and that's what all the cool speedpainters on the youtubes seem to use. It does sort of disappoint me how traditional art doesn't seem more widely accepted here (or at least mine, ofc), but whatever. My limited colors and lack of an undo button was screwing with me anyways. Also I got my money back, so it won't break my wallet as hard to buy it. I thought it was a subscription thing where i'd have to pay monthly, but [PLEASE CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG]it's a one-time payment, which makes me much more comfortable.

Anywho, Plush Nightmare is very much on the way, I have lotsa characters I want to show you guys and hopefully some digital drawings will be posted here soon!

even though I have SOOOOOO much to do still oh well you know what they say; ignorance is bliss!

Posting "The Vernal Temple" really helped me get motivated again, and I'm happy to say that the YCH is halfway done at least! I sort of want to rethink the ending so as to make the antagonist less of an... antagonist? Idk, I feel bad for portraying one of the kind guys who applied for the part as a purely evil and perverted character. Maybe there's some greater force that's making him do this stuff? Idk, imma figuring stuff out!

Also, I want to send a quick "thank you!" to the guys who have been supporting me as I write these silly journals and work on my various projects. I have a tendency to talk down on myself and the stuff that I do, but there's been a few who have been concerned enough to leave comments and message me and stuff. I want to make sure none of you worry, I'm just being dramatic, and I am typically very satisfied with the stuff I make and post here, otherwise I wouldn't post them! (There was an old story I was working on on my old acc but the sex scene was so bland and passionless and nonsensical that I just sort of dropped it, even though I still have the story's outline complete and well-rounded. Maybe I just need to read some more M/M/M/M stories...and also goo...) and while Vernal Temple didn't really have my heart in it like with pretty much all of my other stories, I do think it was at least interesting and worth writing. 'course I had to write and submit it all on Easter, soooooo eh.

Also I have a bunch of potential drawings buzzing around in my head, but I'm not that confident in my abilities to make traditional drawings actually look nice (see my 'sona ref) and someone from Utah withdrew $700 FROM MY BANK ACCOUNT WHICH I WAS SAVING FOR COLLEGE so I won't be buying any drawing programs anytime soon, and ms paint makes me want to die, so uh... how would you guys like some doodles? Yeah, me neither.

You still reading this? Wow. You care more than a majority of my real life friends. I would set up a paypal and do something like the weight gain drives I keep on seeing or auction off some characters or ychs but jesus christ does online currency scare me. If I forget my password that's like... thrown away money! Is that what paypal is? Honestly I don't even know. I just need money and I need said money to be safe. Is my drawing even good enough to do weight gain drives for? Can I do a tf drive? Bondage? Ughhhh I only just got a hang on copying other people's muscle diagrams...

Anyways...read the footer line below.

Why did I decide to do a ych story in the busiest time of the year

My school's having a talent show and I had the brilliant idea that "hey how about my AP Music Theory squad enter as a giant ensemble" and they were all "bruh yea" and I was all "ok imma write a cover of fucking bohemian rhapsody for a crazy collage of instruments and choir registers itll b lit" AND NOW IM DOING IT AND OH MY GOD THAT SONG IS EVEN LONGER THAN I REMEMBER AND THE SHOW IS THE FIRST WEEK OF MAY

Also I play piano, and my teach was like "eyy lets do a senior recital" and I was all "sure ok I'll just learn six or seven different pieces of advanced piano solos with an average of 5 pages of music per song" and so that's also happening.

Also a constellation project due on monday which I need a powerpoint and a 3D model for, but I don't have powerpoint on my laptop and idk when I can blow all my savings at hobby lobby for a goddamn poster board.

I hate when I do this to myself.

I know some people will think that a lot of these journals are just me making excuses as to why I'm not doing what I should be doing for the community, and to that I say you're 125% right and I'm fukkt. I'm really sorry to all the people who entered, but the YCH story will need to wait, and this... user? blog? whatever this is will probably look dead for a while. I don't want to make promises since I'm a lazy asshole, but I'm pretty sure that this page will be back by june at the latest, and the first "real*" thing I'll post will be the YCH!
*real meaning something other than doodles or hecka short stories, and if I do some short story it'll probably be experimental and shit. I wonder how many tf poems there are...

Man I feel like a let down, but then again, it was free...? So yeah... Idk. Not like I have too many people relying on me for some quality material.

God I sound so self-loathing. Well, I am, but none of you need to support me or anything. Its like depression memes so nbd ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I lost all my steam and now I have less motivation AND less inspiration uGH

I was working on Plush Nightmare (going through the intro, I need to change up the middle part because it would probably be too long and boring, but I sure as hell have good ideas for the finale ಠ‿↼) and I sorta miss all the attention I was getting when I was posting more frequently because I'm shallow af so maybe I'll scan some doodles or something nothing too serious but OFC I'M STILL WORKING ON THAT YCH I'm just a bit burnt out and for some reason I feel really bad when I don't post in a while but that's just how content creating works and man I forgot how nice it feels to vent and talk about stuff in a journal bonus points that no one I'd most likely meet irl will read it but a bunch of nice and accepting people will and yay I'm a part of a community beyond school and stuff :')

Bottom line, I'm still trying, and I love you all! and also i wish i could fix up a paypal or something but damn do i have no money whatsoever. nvm that was a bad note to end on I love you all!!

[EDIT] I just set my profile settings to accept trades. Send me a note if curious but once again, school is killing me and my current story is top priority

[EDIT.2] THE NEW SKETCHBOOK I GOT IS TOO BIG FOR MY SCANNER FU C K

Takes me back to the days I actually wrote in a diary. I always wrote the most clever shit but no one ever saw them, so what was the point?
I'm putting off my Raichu tf story so I can focus on Plush Nightmare!! I'm so happy my YCH amounted to something, but it's far from over yet! I have to actually do stuff now! And I'm HYPE!
If anyone bothered to read my other journals, you'd know this story is inspired by the movie Coraline, which is a fun spoopy watch and if anything is just pretty to look at. I've also been doing a school project on Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, which is giving me some insight on how to make something seem very dreamy and surreal - one thing to consider is including paradoxes and stuff, i.e. "I've seen a cat without a grin, but not a grin without a cat," which challenges the logical reflexive property :3 what was I going on about again? ROIGHT UPDATES N SUCH I guess!
Huhuhuh I want to make up a new bunny oc that's pretty much just the White Rabbit in wonderland cuz damn can I relate. He's a spaz, constantly nervous, and overreacts to being late to something he doesn't even talk about! Also bunnies are adorable... AND ALSO TIME IS THE WORST THING THAT HAS EVER BEEN IMAGHEENED LIKE DAMN IT DOESN'T EVEN EXIST IIF WE LIVED ON A PLANET WHERE ONE SIDE ALWAYS FACES THE SUN AND THE OTHER SIDE ALWAYS FACES AWAY FROM IT AND WE DON'T HAVE A TILT TO DETERMINE SEASONS WE PROBABLY WOULDN'T LET TIME DIICTATE OUR LIVES SO HARD sorry im procrastinating fuqqq

Yaaay update journal cuz I'm addicted to this site and i hate myself yaaaayyyy...

I got a cool little Raichu TF story I'm over halfway through with in the works, so that'll happen!
I just did Plush Nightmare YCH advertisement, and I hope that gets through to a lot of people! I hope if it gets pulled off nice and easily, I can start accepting art trades and stuff since that means people know I exists, so that's nice.
On the drawing side of things, I want to redo my Hona ref cuz UGH PORTRAIT PLUS ITS SFW HOW WILL ANYONE KNOW WHAT MY DICK LOOKS LIKE URGHHHH and also I need to show my paw pad details cuz oopsie i forgot
I also have a cool little OC i'm tryna design right now and I think he'll turn out pretty cooool~
I also need to draw my brother...
I also need to draw how I (Hona) transform people...
I might also do a little mpreg story about how my parents wound up with twins, but that might be a bit of a change of pace, amirite? Idk, notice me  Kaydex senpai
What else have I been planning? Damn these journals are informal... tho I guess this is a journal so why would I write it in MLA format or whatever. The goddamn owl@perdue
Whatever, update on my digital drawing situation - still using ms paint, saving up for sai. Just in case any of you were curious in which case mind your own business but don't actually im very lonely
GOD DAMN AM I NEEDY

EDIT!!! THIS DON'T APPLY NO MORE! COMMENT ON THE ADVERTISEMENT PIC I POSTED INSTEAD HURRY IT MIGHT BE TOO LAAAAAATE

Ha! Clickbaited ya! except not really please dont leave me alone here

Just want to update on this little YCH I'm trying to plan and make it sound more coherent. The basic idea of this is that I'll be accepting the first four users WITH a visual of their sona or oc they want to have written into the story. It's an adult-rated transformation story where the main character is plushified! These are the roles your character could be in!

The Dreamer - The main character. When he sleeps, he enters a plush paradise and hangs out with the other characters. Later, he is transformed (unwillingly, but in the end he definitely enjoys it) and gets f*kt to high hell by the other characters. He could start out as a human or an anthro, but either way he'll end up an anthro plush.
The Dream Master - The creator of the plush nightmare. He is mischievous and deceives the Dreamer. He also causes the transformation in the Dreamer and is basically the leader of all the other dream personalities.
The Dream Boyfriend - The Dreamer's dream boyfriend. A gentle giant who loves the Dreamer unconditionally and acts very romantically towards.
The Dream Best Friend - The Dreamer's dream friend. A comedic, dependable, and friendly anthro who the Dreamer has lots of fun with and serves as an excellent listener.
The Dream Servant - A servant to the Dreamer who caters to his every will. The servant would never doubt the Dreamer, and offers great advice.
<IMPORTANT> If you want your character to be in a specific role, make sure to comment which one, or else I'll assign whichever role seems to fit your character's personality. Also if you want to be the Dreamer or the Master, you specifically need to say you want to, or else you very much will be replaced by a personality I would create.

Got it? Cool! Now here are the rules!
1) You must comment on this journal entry, stating which role you want to take.
2) If you have multiple characters, you should also comment which character you want me to use.
3) Complex characters (i.e. hybrids or anthros with more than one main color scheme) will be slightly simplified to a single species and a single color paired with white.
4) Characters must be either males or herms. I don't mean to be sexist at all, but as a gay male, I don't know how to write passionate straight sex. So sorry!
5) Deadline has been extended to April 15th! Because you know... not that many people look at my journals.
6) First come first served! If someone commented for a role you were going for... I'm awfully sorry.
7) I ain't accepting bribes. As much as I'd love to, I don't have a paypal or anything set up and I want to be as fair as possible for all the other people who want their character entered. (note: im totally down with doing art trades tho, but not with this piece heh)
8) I get busy... a lot... like I'm doing school and doing musiccy stuff and all that business, so this may take a while. At least you don't lose anything by entering this contest!
9) If I don't get at least two roles filled in, I'll probably extend the deadline further. I'm real determined to make this YCH work!

SO! Why not enter? Tell your friends! There's nothing to lose! Please! I need to feel like I'm doing something or else I'll become mildly sad! Just do the thing!

Why am I even worried that people would think I'm dead? I bet everyone knows how long it takes to make things in general, plus I'm not even all that popular yet.

Just posted Birds of Paradise part one, finishing up part two and hoping to post it like right after I do this journal thingy. Also I've drawn my 'sona, so that's cool. I just need to settle on colors and stuff, but also I drew it portrait instead of landscape and that's gonna screw with me for the rest of my days >.> maybe I'll take pics of some of my doodles and post them as scraps here too, idk.

Also IF YOU HAVEN'T READ ANYTHING FROM THIS JOURNAL AT LEAST READ THIS!! (but also there's a tl,dr on the last line lol)
I watched Coraline and now I want to do a spoOooOOoOoky tf, and I thought it would be cool if the people who actually pay attention to my stuff (aka you) could drop in a comment or something and maybe I'll write their (your) sona into it! It probably won't be an exact depiction (ex: if your sona is a red, blue, orange, and purple dragon/husky hybrid, I'll probably describe the character as just a red husky or something) but hey! It's something! And free! Something and free! First four comments (with a visual of their sona) posted before 4/08/17 will be written into the story! Yay! And here's a quick game, the first comment will be the initiator of the TF (the person who transforms the main character)! Cool, right? Maybe? Idk, I'm trying. Forgot to mention, the story the contest above is for will contain plush tf, ribbon bondage, and be mature probably.
{TL,DR} Comment on this journal and your sona can be in an upcoming story yaaaaay

This is a long ass journal by my standards.

{EDIT} Heeeeeeyyyyy here's another reason to comment: What color should I make my sona's hair? He's yellow with black stripes (which appear on his face) and sky blue eyes and ear fluff. I was thinking black, but it feels a bit too harsh and wouldn't serve as a very good accent or whatever. Idek what I'm talking about HELP

Okay so like, I just changed over from an old acc to this one since I decided my username was dumb and I wasn't patient enough to find a way to change it and I have only posted the one story I wrote on the old acc (with minor tweaks like a more satisfying ending and less stupid names >.>) and OOPS I HAVEN'T POSTED SINCE

I'm doin school n stuff... so like I don't have much time for this even though I reeeeeeally want to do stuff like this just cuz I like... idk, making stuff for others to enjoy? I have a few stories in the works as well as some doodles I drew on paper I want to post since I don't got any painting programs aside from ms paint (and I actually tried using that... twas really ugly)...what was I even saying? Well I have a two-parter, the first part is finished but its pretty tame and slice of life-ish. If anyone actually cares, I can post it already, but it may be a while before I finish part two... not dreadfully long but still who knows how hard I'll procrastinate on this stuff. Idek, I can't focus I'm watchin jontron review Skateboard Kid (again) while writing this.

For right now, I'm just fixing up my page to look like I still care. Thanks for your time, I guess???