Did someone say, even if I have a backdrop of sadly being suicidal again, a new apple pencil and thus I can do digital writing and art with?

It's not a free thing, I have a reference sheet I have to do. But, something to live for.

All my suicidal furries out there:

Don't do it. Don't hurt yourself like the world hurts you. Don't try to be too strong if it's at this point. Focus on maintaining your hygiene, and eat. Don't even try to work. Call in. Report yourself as severely ill. Remember "if you feel sick, stay at home"? You might think this is just for covid...


NO. THIS IS ILLNESS ALSO IN GENERAL. if you feel ill....God bless it all, stay home. Rest. Relax. Do not let fate take you away early.

For all my depressed but not suicidal furries: I get it. This all sucks, but EVERY TIME YOU LAUGH, EVERY TIME YOU SMILE, notice that moment. That's what it's gunna feel like when you get help, the right medicine, and can begin to heal.

You have been patient of course. Please keep being patient. Thank you!

-Honeycomb

....can't believe I have to say this but:

If you are ever in a domestic abuse or violence situation and being harmed, you absolutely are free to call the cops on your transfeminine partner, friend, or family. No it is not "transmisogyny" to call the cops on literal abusers and people who behave violently or threaten your personal safety, or home/place of residence.

Sorry if this revokes my "ACAB" card but tbh? I'm getting tired of "ACAB" and how it's actually making it unsafe to live at times because people don't call law enforcement in situations where law enforcement is required since they are making a political statement or something. Assflash newsholes: the usa is probably not ever gunna eliminate law enforcement as a construct or concept. We are free to make police more informed, educated, and mindful outside of their original patrol duty orders and functions to catch runaway slaves off of plantations in the USA. This is the reality if the origins of the police in the USA.

That being said: if someone threatens you or bothers you....either be prepared to smack the person up yourself so they leave you alone instantly, OR ....call law enforcement for all domestic abuse cases if you cannot work something out with your countries national domestic abuse and assault hotline, free for ALL GENDERS AND SEXES TO USE!!!!

Happy August!

Love you!!!! Stay safe!!!! You're doing an amazing job sweetie!!!

Lurk lurk lurk it's what happens around here, dont be fooled by timestamps on journals and art submissions, have been here doing that lurk lurkity thing. Will probably post some sort of life update journal eventually, and maybe even post some stuff, but not in a hurry at the moment~ Have a nice day ^^

So if anyone has any reccomendations to any artists on here that do drawings of mechs and aircraft (fighter is prefered but whatever) I'd love to be pointed in the direction of the reccomendation.

I guess for the sake of things, aeromorphs count.

Been considering doing some drawing suggestions from people for practice. Name a character (OC or Commercial Franchise) and I will queue your request. This is not to say that it will get done hastily, but the option for content is there. Please note me the information if you are interested.

As for life....

Well, I've been meaning to get int detail on certain things, if you have 15 minutes, just listen to this recording, it has everything I would type out here but you can just listen to it: https://youtu.be/czShkpL98-0

Anyway I did notice like, a "problem" when it comes to how I've been approaching uploading art to the internet that doesn't really make sketch and wip progress posting friendly. I have to stop doing that to myself. Mostly because in not sharing art progress and only posting the "best" work by my standards (fully lined, fully color render, generally illustrations) there's lots of stuff that falls by the wayside that isn't actually THAT bad or is just unfinished, once I go back to post that it's like "ugh I don't want quality inconsistency" so that if people wanna gauge if they like my work enough to buy it, they don't have any question about what sort of work I would put in for a comission. But there's stuff that I may wanna post that is "lower quality" but since no one knows what that actually means by my standards it is technically pointless. So I may post more unfettered finally after promising myself that I would start doing that (but never did) and now we're here.

I have been working on rendering my commission prices for various types of artwork. It requires a lot of thinking and detailing of things, so it's taken awhile to work back up to, because I want to be able to do comission discounts for the Patreon I'd like to set up in the future for anyone interested about helping me progress with my work. I am in college right now simultaniously so the progress on it is slower than what it would be if I wasn't in school right now with the energy and productive thinking that I've been able to have since recovering from mental health crisises in the past few months.

I don't have much else to say that isn't in the recording provided so toodles for now and I'm working on figureing out how I wanna uplodad certain art things across social media! : )

It's a video editing software that I think with more time I could get very used to, considering I just picked it up last night and have an at this point general idea of how to do shit with it.

Videos will become a staple in the future I hope. They are fun to put together as long as you know wtf you're doing, they just tend to be time consuming jus tlike any other creative projects.

I accidentally fell back into the habbit of lurking and not posting anything...Well I'm going to try to do some uploading more consistently.

I have chronic difficulties maintaining myself online, lol. But I'm still hoping to submit art here and there, just to show that I'm alive. These days I'm having art and writer's block, and I desperately hope to get out of the slump because otherwise the days I live are...quite boring.

At least some drawing and some writing is better than nothing!

I haven't been as active as I've been wanting to be here. The death of my cat hit me very hard, but I never quite stopped lurking FA, even if I posted and said nothing. I just wasn't ready to interact with anyone or post anything, but now I am. I'll apologize in advance for the content spam.

I've since recovered from my sprain and have been lurking here and there, but it will take much longer to recover from what transpired recently in my radio silence. I will still be sparse for now in light of things.

My cat Mow mow, a 13 year old bombay mix, died on saturday morning. They were a kitty that had persisting health problems since I adopted them, and their health had taken a sharper decline after I sprained my ankle and was unable to work. I had taken them to an animal hospital friday after I got my first paycheck in a month and a half.

I was convinced they were dying, and was sent home with them after a physical examination determined that there was "nothing wrong" on the outside and that they would simply need blood work to have more info. They also said my cat was at worst just experiencing nausua, and that they were in little to no physical pain.

Mow Mow was wailing and drooling from the mouth right in front of them. Making noises I had never heard in all my time owning them.

They were suprised Mow Mow died the next day. Utterly shocked. I wasn't.

I feel as if I lost money and a life at the same time. This isnt the first time that I take a cat to a vet, knowing in my heart that my child needs hospitalization and stabilization, only to be sent home with nothing effective being done, or nothing being done at all.

"Just be patient."

If we had that thought process for every non linear medical case for humans, tons of people with strange case files would just die straight up because of doctors treating the issue like there's actually any time to spare. With Mow Mow, there wasn't any time to spare. This just increases my distrust towards vets, since the results to throwing 600 and 300 dollars down the drain shouldn't be a dead cat 24-72 hours later. It should be an alive and stable pet.

Anyway, I've had my venting about the situation. I can only say now that I hope Mow Mow rests in peace and felt like I loved them enough to try and visit me in my dreams, like they did last night. I had a dream that they were trying to wake me up for food, since thats what they usually do when I'm home. I woke up from that dream, knowing that they weren't really there. But they wanted to wake me up one last time I guess.

Thank you Mow Mow, I love you sweetheart.

Things are better. I can now walk with both feet without the use of crutches or a single crutch. It still does hurt however, and I must walk carefully. I've been away from my main drawings that I have plans to paint, along with my cintiq. So for the most part, lightly colored things from my sketchbook are all that can be expected minus some writing here and there. I'm hoping to work on + upload trade stuff as soon as I can.

I hope everyone is doing well.

Today the 20th, was my 24th birthday, and it sucked for one large reason:

I was planning on going to work, and decided to order an uber from where I had stayed the night all the way back to the area of not only my residence but my other client besides my mother. It had snowed over the weekend so I only had sandals to wear with socks, as it was all I was wearing before it snowed.

Once I saw the car for pick up was a hummer, I thought to myself "Oh, that's a bit large..." and was worried because I know those types of cars are hard to get into if you're disabled like myself. But when its a sunday morning in the boonies, drivers ARE slim picking so I didn't try to get another vehicle.

When the guy arrives, he pulls up to the SIDE of the house, not the front. Perspective: There is a somewhat (somewhat) even sidewalk in front of the house despite it being at the foot of the large hill that leads up to the house. All the way up on the side of the house there is NO sidewalk, and there is a sharp slope downwards. In retrospect it made no sense, why he parked the way he did. Even If I had taken the LONG route to his car by going out the side door, around the house to the front, and then down the hill to the sidewalk, there would have been no sidewalk going UP towards the car, AND I would have been going UPHILL on slippery, snowy terrain. He really should have just...parked...in front of the house like a normal person....

Upon reaching my apartment complex, the driver at least helped me all the way to the door, but he left after that and I had to struggle just to get in the front door into the lobby because the pain was THAT bad. Eventually despite my mom and a neighbor trying to help me walk, it was much too painful so I dropped onto the floor and started to crawl/scoot to the elevator on my knees and good side. It was awkward and probably embarrassing in theory but I just wanted to get upstairs and into bed where I could prop my foot up and rest!

Despite this all, other people were more angry at this uber driver once I told them the details than I actually was in the moment. I think its because I was in too much pain and in anxiety over having to call into work AGAIN since I had been out sick for a week and had to cancel two scheduled days....I just couldn't bring myself to get angry at the gentleman even though before everything I did have my "wtf" moment at him parking where he did. I should have banged pots and pans and told him to drive to the front of the house, but really when you're paying 30 dollars for the price of convenience, things should NOT be that inconvenient, nevermind the sprained ankle.

I have a habit of not wanting to post anything less than fully colored stuff with at least a somewhat simple but tangible background. I had the same habit with my deviantart gallery and for the most part, twitter is the only place that sees my sketches and wips.

But there are large spaces between me posting completely finished content that's fully colored and illustrated. I would be posting every other day or every day if I posted some of my colored sketchy stuff that's not quite refined, including older pieces ---which ive already posted I suppose. FA doesn't have a system where it can show random users or submissions, in order to gain people's attention you have to have a consistent stream of content, otherwise gaining viewers is a bit difficult.

I would probably end up moving stuff to scraps? I've seen other people I watch do it so??? I still want a gallery full of refined stuff for people to see that are just stopping by, but for the people that actually watch me it might be nice to see more content if they like it? idk??

????

So the other night I couldn't find the cord to my scanner. Obviously I need that to scan traditional art, but I hadn't planned on uploading any major traditional art other than the few trades I have left (which are mostly done) due to me wanting to focus on writing Fiifa's Tails for the month of November.

But this weekend I acquired an old model Cintiq tablet as a form of commission payment--Because I'm willing to take more than USD if the item(s) in question are useful enough to me specifically. So with a way to reliably upload traditional out until I get a new cord for my scanner, I now have access to a fully functional Cintiq. The whole REASON I went traditional initially was because both of my tablets borked, but I still wanted to do art obviously. I went into watercolors because in the long run, spending about 40 bucks worth on tubes of paint was way cheaper than spending 200+ on a set of copics that I could just create the same colors from the set with mixing watercolors.

I will still be doing watercolor painting, but now you all can DEFINITELY expect digital art back in the mix. However I still must gather my bearings all over with digital art again since I was still trying to figure out a digital coloring style that worked for me, and could feel wholesomely "me" as well when my tablets went wonky.

I give cheers to you all c:

So tomorrow I start with a new client at work. I'm kind of nervous, but really really really hoping that it all works out. I'll be purchasing some plastic gloves in the morning, just in case I need to deal with any aid in toiletry for the client. I'm hoping she's a light lady so that if she needs help being lifted or needs a transfer, that I can lift her safely. I'm not terribly strong despite what some people may think when they see me or the result of me randomly lifting and moving VERY heavy things.

I love mystifying people (my partner and their mom) who come home to large pieces of furniture moved all by my lonesome. That's basically how it went before and after they moved to another side of the city. My secret isn't brute strength, but patient pushing and pulling lmao. I go slow but I have to be alone because otherwise I look doofy! Moreso than usual.

Anyway so, trades: All the ones I have are still being worked on, but for the larger months of November and December I won't be actively working on trades. This is because I wish to work on 2 personal projects. Only Commissions will override such projects.

I want to write at least the entirety of the first arc within Fiifa's tails for national novel writing month, or even go all out and power through getting the raw manuscript all finished so that I can edit and revise it all at once! I would also like to do a drop down comic column for my silly mobile game's --puzzle and dragons-- tribute contest. I definitely cannot pass up on a chance to get a shirt with the cute Tamadra mascot on it...

Now, my birthday is on the 20th! I'll finally be able to ditch 23 and move onto 24. But for years, I've never had a good idea of what I wanna do for my birthdays because my mom is like Sadie's mom from Steven universe and inevitably would just take over. So when she stopped doing that because of her declining health, I was already "over" the bruhahaha of birthdays. Maybe this year I'll fight my disdain for alcohol and make a screwdriver with orange juice and vodka and get so drunk I forget why I'm having a birthday in the first place. But hey, if folks have suggestions, I get paid like two days before my birthday so...as long as it doesn't involve getting a "mom" tattoo im open.

Figured I'd make a formal list/queue of stuff so that I could keep track of things~

Commissions:

-none at the moment!

Trades (may upload older non trade art before upload of trade):

-Grimora (90%)
-Dragonley (43%)

Gifts:

-[A] (43%)
-[B] (10%)
-[C] (50%)

So I obtained some paid work technically so I'll be away from the net for a bit to focus. I have 2 character sheets to work on for a friend's game he wants to do, as well as other things.

Anyway since I rarely can work on one thing at a time and require time between working to doodle to focus myself, if you pop a ref in the comments I will probably make a small doodle of your character (if you watch me at least) and once finished i'll send the thing over. It just may take a bit since I dont always have a place to scan my art (remember, I'm mostly traditional now, haha)

Unfortunately it would appear as if ive contracted something unpleasant that has grown worse than I anticipated. There will probably be a bit of delay between my activity and responses until I'm feeling better. Sorry for any inconveniences ;v;

edit 9/30/16: Still sick and feel terrible

_{Still sorry for any inconveniences}

It may say I've been a member since 2011 but I assure you all I haven't actually been on FA in a present manner until recently (real talk I just wanted to hoard the username until I inevitably was ready to be active) so I'm not sure about various technical aspects of the website. My big question is like, if someone uses the sfw mode of the site, and they watch someone who posts nsfw art, will FA still filter it out (provided everything is in the correct category) because while everything in my gallery is very tame at the moment, I can give forewarning now that it won't stay that way exactly. Id just like the clarity of knowing that I don't have to alienate those who watch me who might not dig the risque and The Sex Scenes™. Ive already made an alternate account for the future postings of more "extreme" nsfw things, but I don't really view lewd posing and nudity + most of the sex that comes with it "extreme" enough to post on a secondary account.

But yeah this isn't to say I'm going to spam people with dongs and boobs (I work MUCH too slowly for that at the moment anyway, watercolors require time!) But I just want to say that folks can view it as a likely possibility when the mood strikes. I just don't wanna surprise anyone who watches me and isnt into that stuff.

I wanted to edit my front page a little, so I'm going to be putting the more detailed information here instead.

About myself:

I am most often known as CJ or Chase. I would also be alright with people calling me Chess. My nickname among friends or people who want to be is "sunflowre". Or, the correct spelling of "sunflower" and I am associated commonly with friends as a sunflower due to an inside joke dating back to the era of nintendo dsi cameras.

I'm non binary trans and use singular they/them pronouns. I'm mixed black and bear clan Ojibwe, and culturally identify as a two spirit. Please refrain from any anti indigenous peoples sentiment while you are here, I appreciate it. Thinking of the concept of non binary genders and two spiritism as hogwash definitely falls under such things. Note me and I will politely explain why.

At the moment I live in Minnesota in the usa, which I frequently call ice hell. I have 2 cats but might as well say I have 3 because of how often I'm around my fiance's cat as well. Such a beast of burden is :iconsnickerdoodle"

I like to illustrate and write, switching between both depending on what feels most natural. I have taken scattered art courses growing up, as my mother was an art teacher and encouraged me to develop any and all artistic talents. I have her to thank for where I am and having a family supportive with my work throughout the years. Like most people, I am highly self taught, especially when it comes to my most current and recent work. It has taken over a decade to finally arrive at a place of artistic comfort and it inspires me a lot to churn out whatever I can before I pass away.

My goals in life are to do freelance illustrative work, and write stories for all ages in various mediums. I would like to publish at least 5 novels, 2 of which will be practice material in the form of "Fiifa's Tails" and "Soul Vale: Sparrow Squadron" which I will be posting progress to here on FA mostly. One surrounds the misadventure of candy based species and people in a disillusioned candy land, the other surrounds the misadventures of machine based people as creatures in a distorted limbo world of abstract machine landscape and bizarre allusions various things.

My ethnic background is mixed. Despite having a white mother, because I have not had the cultural experience of being white passing or being indoctrinated by an over emphasis on my white European heritage, I do not personally identify as being white in any form aside from genealogy, haha. I hold far closer ties to what most people would correctly assume I am, which is african american, with a certain amount of native american.

Since growing up, I have never "felt" like a "boy" or "girl" and as soon as I had the information and terminology to correctly describe myself as non binary transgender, I did. I've been mostly out for about 10 years now, researching gender and sex history and politics very deeply. All I can say is the rabbit hole on that stuff goes super deep scientifically, nevermind the sociology stuff that impacts it intensely. I assure you that unless you're making gender, sex, transgender and intersex topics a forefront of experience and study, society itself is stacked against you in actively knowing shit about any of it. A lot has to be independently researched or told to people, but only if you are receptive to learning and not spending countless hours arguing will you actually become enlightened on these matters. I learned this the easy, medium, and hard way all at once.

I don't think it's anyone's job to educate people (people are dense and shit is hard if they already are stuck in their ways) outside of education specific environments, but any polite inquires to me via note on any topic will warrant you an equally polite response. The less polite the question, the less polite the answer, be assured. All complaints about trangender people or special snowflakes may go here.

I hope everyone who reads this is having a nice start of the month, and if not, I hope things even out.

I've been in sort of a frazzled state, not really sure what to work on next despite having various things finished or in progress. I am hoping to get out of this strange funk and feel as if it would be helpful if I was more stationary but it feels as if I'm coming and going between two locations a lot, which is kind of "disturbing" my vibes. I'm not sure how to put it, but that about sums it up!

For a long time I've been drifting on the internet kind of aimlessly. For the most part ive abandoned all social media minus Twitter somewhat, so im still adjusting to socializing here and there here. I like having buddies and making buddies, but since I first started to traverse the internet back in the day I've become a bit more guarded about myself because of seeing how hateful people can be once they figure out what you "really are". Quite frankly, I just want to make art in peace and be friendly towards others but there are so many things I find alinating that I kind of just don't bother a lot. But I don't think that's a very fulfilling way to go about things!

I have an art therapist that I haven't seen in a long time that I'm finally going to tomorrow. I had to stop seeing her so I could do pre martial counseling with my fiance, but I'm really excited to see her again and show her some of my paintings I've done in my absence. I should probably make a list of stuff that's happened since we took a break, since a lot happened to go down, wow!

I'm still seeking art trades of any sort, so if anybody happens upon this little journal and is interested or knows someone interested in trades, drop me a line. I think art trades are a fun way to talk to and get to know new people, and i used to do them a fair amount back when I was a regular on DA (but no more, haha)

Ok so back when I was a wee small bab, around 12/13 some other young age, I stumbled across FA for the first time and browsed around. After browsing around for a few days actively, honest to god I feel like the only thing particularly different around here years later (I'm almost 24) is the large amounts of YCHs and adoptables (which I think are all really cool)

Everything else feels...same ol same ol, and to be honest it makes me feel...quite nostalgic. I never thought I'd feel this sense of internet nostalgia from fa of all places but here we are I guess????

Also I'm in the process of writing something which is why I'm being lazy on uploading recent things. Like, I do majority traditional art but most of what I have submitted is when I had a working tablet, so I put myself in the traditional artist category anyway even if my gallery doesn't exactly reflect it at the moment. It'll change!....gradually!!....yeah!

Ive had this account for years and regrettably haven't done much with it. I'm hoping to do some uploads of more recent art soon though, in both drawings and writing. For now I'm gunna start putting old art I still like up I guess. The last art site I spent a lot of time being active on was dA, but I don't go there much anymore. Actually, I dont do a ton of things on the internet in particular. A few months ago I started to use my phone more to do internet activity,since I didnt want to be stuck in front of my laptop all the time. Since then I've spent a lot of time offline and frequently go radio silent because of such things.

But when I do happen to be on the internet, I do enjoy being social. Even if frequently I am bad at it. A lot of people have vivid worlds within themselves, opening up countless doors for explanation of the characteristics and settings that inhabit their self's. In other words, I love ocs and I enjoy when people calmly tell me about them. Buddies are cool, but even cooler when we can talk ocs.

Sometimes I draw other people's ocs because I feel like it brings me closer to the character. Which is helpful because with so many ocs around, unintentional mental disconnects with the relevancy of things happen. But! Especially for traditional art, there's just something special about it. I started up watercoloring a few months ago, and doing watercolors is so relaxing. Watching pigment spread and crawl through the water on the paper? Absolutely magical. But what's even more magical is the happiness a person gets when they get art they werent expecting. Or getting art in general.

I think I'll scout around sometime here and pick something that looks interesting and then try to draw it. There are a lot of cool characters around here that make my fingers itch. The only way to get rid of it is draw, and by Jove I was not drawing for almost half a year in 2015. It sucked, I had ideas and inspiration but no art stamina. Now I have a lot and its actually kind of overwhelming? I want to draw SO many things at once, ideas and inspiration that's been building up recently or even years...it's ridiculous.

I'll end this by saying the last time I felt like this, I was 12-13 and excited that I was getting better at art. Now the same feeling is back and it feels...pretty darn good.