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I'm done, guys...
General | Posted 13 years agoI'm not good enough to be happy when it might cost someone else a good life. I'm not sure what these notes should say. This is no ones fault and no one should blame themself. I'm just tired of being alone and really, really tired of being me. You can't imagine what it's like to hate being alone, and to fear being with anyone because it could destroy them.
Good old Ravage is such a perv, such a kidder. I can't pretend I'm going to be alright anymore, and I won't let my fucked up state of being ruin someone I believe I could care about very dearly. To her I'll just be gone, and she'll move on, and she's the only one who will give a damn.
Again, I'm not sure what these things should say.
I guess they get what they wanted, I really will go out alone.
Good old Ravage is such a perv, such a kidder. I can't pretend I'm going to be alright anymore, and I won't let my fucked up state of being ruin someone I believe I could care about very dearly. To her I'll just be gone, and she'll move on, and she's the only one who will give a damn.
Again, I'm not sure what these things should say.
I guess they get what they wanted, I really will go out alone.
Does my cock look swollen to you?
General | Posted 13 years agoHahhaha, no, just kidding. But thanks for trying to look. I'm flattered.
Egads!
General | Posted 13 years agoCoughing up blood. Wait, that's not blood! It's SEMEN!
...
INCEPTION
...
INCEPTION
I have no friends. NONE. Not even one. To be far, I deleted my original facebook account over a year ago, and I just made this one, but having no friends is sad. Someone love me, please?! :(
http://www.facebook.com/#!/ravage.snowleopard
http://www.facebook.com/#!/ravage.snowleopard
About me...
General | Posted 13 years agoFor those who want to know, or even just for myself, to get a lot off my chest, this is the reason I am the way I am. It'snot an excuse, or a plea for sympathy, merely an explanation that you can take or leave as you choose.
When I was eleven years old I as sexually assaulted by my male babysitter. This happened on multiple occassions for nearly a year before my family moved out of the area, and at the time I had no conception of exactly what was happening. The sex play became a secret game that I only played with that babysitter, and only talked about with him. He'd dress me up in girly things and we'd engage in oral and anal sex. I had no idea that anything "bad" was happenig, and I thought of this man as my friend for the extent of our time together. I honestly gained a lot of physical enjoyment from what we did together, which was why when he was caught with other boys a few months after we moved, and my parent finally discovered what had happened to me, I was so entirely broken.
Therapy began.
I had to go twice a weak, and they wanted me to talk about what I'd been through, and how it made me feel. It took me a long time to understand what had happened, and I can honestly say years later that the thing that angers me most about the whole situation was that I felt like I was taken advantage of. I didn't understand what I was doing, and as a result I felt- still feel-damaged. On top of that, I had to try and explain to my therapist that I had physically enjoyed the things that happened to me, which I was repeatedly told was wrong. Not only was I betrayed by someone I truted, but the pleasure I'd felt was inherintly evil. My therapist was a religious nut, and sought to encourage my healing through spiritual acceptance and my parents encouraged this. Only my sister really gave a damn and seemed to honestly care and listen to me. She was my world for many years after all of this.
As a coping mechanism for all of the guilt and confusion, I began to eat. I had no idea what to do with my feelings for boys accept to hide them, and I hid them by buring all those feelings in food. I grew fatter and fatter until I was seventeen years old, working on my senior year in high school a full year ahead of the rest of my peers. Being the fat effeminite guy had left me as an outsider with no friends and a long line of bullies waiting to take me down a peg. I swore I was straight, but everyone still called me the "fat faggot," even in front of teachers at times. They were occasionally reprimanded, but usually ignored.
Two months before I was due to take my finals, my sister and her boyfriend were killed in a car accident. It was her fault, she was driving drunk, but it shattered my entire fucking world. My parents, who already hated each other, fell apart entirely, and neither of them wanted anything to do with their fucked up son.
I thought about killing myself for a while, but in the end I chose to just kill who I was. I stopped eating so much and started working out. It was fucking difficult. I weighed nearly 400 pounds by that point. I finished highschool and accepted a scholarship out of state. I had to forge some of the paperwork to get things to go through, since my parents didn't want me to leave the state, but also didn't care if I had to go to a shit school to stay close. I took all the money I got from graduation fom my family (about $220), and left with a single bag of shit.
Since then I've lost all the excess weight and toned down my body to a point where I'm really happy with myself. I spent a year in a good quality state school, and then transfered to a better program based upon my performance. I work hard, but I've learned to enjoy life, and I've learned to embrace who I am. College helped a lot. I've had great, loving sexual experiences with a variety of partners, male and female, and made some good friends over the years. As a strange result of all this shit, I've become a sexually forward, perverted asshole, but I'm proud of who I am, and I like to think my sister would be happy if she could see who I've become.
Anyway, that's my life, and I don't need anyone to accept it, but there it is.
When I was eleven years old I as sexually assaulted by my male babysitter. This happened on multiple occassions for nearly a year before my family moved out of the area, and at the time I had no conception of exactly what was happening. The sex play became a secret game that I only played with that babysitter, and only talked about with him. He'd dress me up in girly things and we'd engage in oral and anal sex. I had no idea that anything "bad" was happenig, and I thought of this man as my friend for the extent of our time together. I honestly gained a lot of physical enjoyment from what we did together, which was why when he was caught with other boys a few months after we moved, and my parent finally discovered what had happened to me, I was so entirely broken.
Therapy began.
I had to go twice a weak, and they wanted me to talk about what I'd been through, and how it made me feel. It took me a long time to understand what had happened, and I can honestly say years later that the thing that angers me most about the whole situation was that I felt like I was taken advantage of. I didn't understand what I was doing, and as a result I felt- still feel-damaged. On top of that, I had to try and explain to my therapist that I had physically enjoyed the things that happened to me, which I was repeatedly told was wrong. Not only was I betrayed by someone I truted, but the pleasure I'd felt was inherintly evil. My therapist was a religious nut, and sought to encourage my healing through spiritual acceptance and my parents encouraged this. Only my sister really gave a damn and seemed to honestly care and listen to me. She was my world for many years after all of this.
As a coping mechanism for all of the guilt and confusion, I began to eat. I had no idea what to do with my feelings for boys accept to hide them, and I hid them by buring all those feelings in food. I grew fatter and fatter until I was seventeen years old, working on my senior year in high school a full year ahead of the rest of my peers. Being the fat effeminite guy had left me as an outsider with no friends and a long line of bullies waiting to take me down a peg. I swore I was straight, but everyone still called me the "fat faggot," even in front of teachers at times. They were occasionally reprimanded, but usually ignored.
Two months before I was due to take my finals, my sister and her boyfriend were killed in a car accident. It was her fault, she was driving drunk, but it shattered my entire fucking world. My parents, who already hated each other, fell apart entirely, and neither of them wanted anything to do with their fucked up son.
I thought about killing myself for a while, but in the end I chose to just kill who I was. I stopped eating so much and started working out. It was fucking difficult. I weighed nearly 400 pounds by that point. I finished highschool and accepted a scholarship out of state. I had to forge some of the paperwork to get things to go through, since my parents didn't want me to leave the state, but also didn't care if I had to go to a shit school to stay close. I took all the money I got from graduation fom my family (about $220), and left with a single bag of shit.
Since then I've lost all the excess weight and toned down my body to a point where I'm really happy with myself. I spent a year in a good quality state school, and then transfered to a better program based upon my performance. I work hard, but I've learned to enjoy life, and I've learned to embrace who I am. College helped a lot. I've had great, loving sexual experiences with a variety of partners, male and female, and made some good friends over the years. As a strange result of all this shit, I've become a sexually forward, perverted asshole, but I'm proud of who I am, and I like to think my sister would be happy if she could see who I've become.
Anyway, that's my life, and I don't need anyone to accept it, but there it is.
Butthurt
General | Posted 13 years agoSome people really don't like my brand of flattery. I'm okay with that. Hide my comment and move on. I don't respond well to private notes telling me to delete my comments. FA's system of handling unwanted comments works great. Just "hide" what you don't like, and it's gone forever.
