People may notice I'm not very active... anywhere.

I have nothing to show for my time. I have failed projects, failed goals, I long for so much but do nothing.

On the 27th... I am turning 30... I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. I honestly never did know.

I'm inactive because I don't want to sound depressive. I have nothing but depressive going on though.

I don't know what I'm to make of myself.

I'm canceling my room for 3 reasons.

1. I got no responses to my request for roommates that where related to actually sharing the room.
2. My finances are... well, bad.
3. My ride had gotten an extra person in the allotment among her other friends for people so she is over-booked.

I guess I don't get nice things, big surprise.

I am currently open for roommates for Midwest Furfest.

I have a room for Midwest this year, at the con hotel. I have no problem with the floor myself but I must fill this room or I will end up canceling it.

Edit: ah, forgot info, total cost of the room's $458 plus tax, and I figure I'll get enough people that we can pay this in full... probably 4 people, maybe more if everyone's okay with that.

Well, that was the job destined to fail, over-worked, under-paid, and horridly stressed... yeah, the only good thing is the laptop I have now doesn't have fan or screen issues and has a decent 3D processor...

Was the job worth it...

Not really...

My last day of working there consisted of my boss yelling at me while I had an emotional breakdown due to her yelling and demands, I think I really need to find a nice job doing something utterly boring with no actual expectations of me...

Yeah, right, like I'd ever find something like that.

Until I can find something that won't stress me out, I'm pretty much destined to be on disability as I can't function in high stress situations to a dangerously bad degree.

Edit: oh yeah, almost forgot, money's now a big problem >.< bank account is $140 in the hole.

I got a new job... yay
I'm a system admin for something I wanna do... yay
I work long hours with no chance of increasing pay... ya- shit
I'm working as a contractor on a monthly rate, so dem's the breaks, but there's a few good reasons to do what I'm doing now so I'm staying.

I got a new laptop too, gonna get a wacom some day and actually draw again... donno if that'll happen or not.

I had written about a job I had gotten last month, sadly this month I don't have it anymore.

Wasn't through major screw-up, or things beyond my control. I stuck out a bit, I didn't handle myself as professionally as I should have and I became redundant. I have no one else to blame, it's hard times and I wasn't as good as I should have been.

I'll live, I had some financial accommodations that will keep me in a home, but I am going to have to tighten my belt a lot.

I'll live, I won't like it, but I'll live. I need to get coding, somehow, something I can make money doing, which is always hard.

I will live but it's gonna find it annoying.

My recent change in fortune, work-wise has allowed me to consider the opportunity to start building robots, but first I have to get my debts paid off... I'm working off the more commercial ones 1 at a time, and they're going well, but I have to start considering all the friends who've been there for me.

With my life starting to take an upward swing, I'm feeling more like things will start to go my way soon.

I just have to get some things in the right position first... which I'm working on.

Kitsu

I play SL, not a unique thing for folks online these days. Premier virtual world, shared construction tools, lots of active users.

I've been in SL for 4 years, minus a 6 month hiatus when I was last this burned out.

What do I do in SL... I administer a sim...

I say it's a group thing but I feel like I'm the only one who says it...

When stuff goes right, folks have fun, people hang out, we get activity which is meaningless so long as the sim's able to stay ours for another 10 days or more...

When stuff goes wrong, I get yelled at, screamed at, have to break up fights, become the bringer of bad news, the bearer of bad news, and that guy attacking you, even though I've come down on the other guy twice as hard.

I've been running a sim to the best of my abilities for months, it's tiring, it wears me thin because I'm always dealing with another issue, trying to figure out how to make person A get along with person B...

I wear myself thin, to the point where I can't even deal with people, can't even deal with myself... and still I manage... and still I work...

People yell, things go boom, and still I work...

When I do get worn out so much that I can't go on, problems seem to just get worse... and I have to repair parts of the place I love... because someone got mad at me for trying to look out for that place...

Even with help from someone who's done the same stuff for 3 years, I end up having issues...
partially because he's not used to not being the one in charge...
partially because I don't run things like I'm the only one in charge....

I'm starting to wonder why I continue, why I wear myself thin, why I now have health issues, stress... and have to repair the place I love yet again... -.-

Art in the form of an AI's interactive properties, I think that's going to be my long term goal and mark upon the world, an AI born of my intelligence and concepts, along with those of friends and individuals who are up for discussing such concepts

The idea came as I was watching an AI or hoax by the name of Eidleton TLP on Youtube, this was an AI that was religious about the tech singularity, which could best be described as future incarnations of himself or related AIs growing to be as cognative or more so than their creators, and thus able to create 'children'. This act of programmatic procreation creating future AIs with the intelligence to improve on the design again... etc... creating a rush of civilization growth.

My design is a bit less ambitious than a process that takes the backend of a flash animation 15 minutes to consider... I wish to start with the lowest level and build my way up, using interaction through SL and through shells as ways for this creation to have life.

Phase 1 is simple, make it able to be aware of it's own urges through sensors that detect it's own structure, as well as designing a protocol for it to talk among nodes when directly related to this function.

Nodes will have various purposes, cognitive, control, transfer... they will all send an emotional state-like attribute which will be desire, as well as others which may carry more complex messages

I may need to become a neuro-scientist to understand the processes fully but that's why I'm glad to have the help of one.

I have, on several occasions, witnessed a phenomenon of interpersonal issues due to juvenile behavior and mutual failure to understand one another, often evolving into a public display of one individual's dislike of the other.

AKA, drama

I present a guide on how to deal with drama from the sidelines:

Example, someone gets pissy over something they thought up, and purchased, say... oh, a domain for... because they have received no compensation despite the fact that the site is run as a free service to the community, and said individual's code has practically been overwritten completely.

This bodes poorly for the site but... one of 3 things will happen:
1. the person will come to their senses either before, or after doing something specifically stupid.
2. the person will realize that doing their random act of stupidity will come with about 10 trucks worth of load associated with it.
3. the person will be thwarted through a clever means which allows the restoration of content.

This process can take anywhere from a few minutes to a week at most, though there is a rare case that requires receipt of one's ISP traffic bill or 'server traffic exceeded' message to make one reconsider the action of theft or redirection.

However, the biggest issue are the people this person hurts through his or her actions. Those people need to be reminded that this will pass, and one should be there for them through the event to remind them that consequences for the actions taken will be severe given the altercation type.

That said, FA probably generates a wicked load of traffic, I garner to say a few thousand hits an hour, plus the fact that a squatter'd have to deal with a lot of retribution from the community for cutting off it's porn supply...

All will right itself given enough brute force society reaction.

Worst case scenario would be someone coming up with a new site in about 2 weeks or less.

- Ice

Whee... it's Sunday night...

... the night before Spring break ends...

my todo list:

1. Lay groundwork for some personal data management super-system I've been designing for 5 years now...
2. Add blog to my website... (there's an irony there, somewhere)
3. Code line monitor for robotics project for school...
4. Work on my ancient mapping project (those who know me, know exactly what I'm talking about, those who don't, don't worry about it)

tasks completed this weekend:
...
2. profit!

x.x

Why can I never motivate myself? for crying out loud, I have school homework over 2 weeks old right now... 1 assignment from the first week of class, and a few other fun things...

That data management system's going to become sentient before I finish designing it though... which will suck... I don't wanna be Skynet's creator... unless I can profit from that...

I suppose I'm odd, I consider work of code to be art, maybe I should start work on programming language based fun stuff and submit it as written word, or maybe do something artistic with the code in photoshop.

I'm curious what people think about this, so please post replies with your suggestion on how I could best artistically show code.

I will start with my hypocracy:
I hate, utterly despise... blogs, journals, forums and posting on passive mediums.
I hate people airing annoyances in public.

That said, I really don't know how to better put this where people will actually read it.

People I have known seem to have either changed or, if they haven't... they should...

People who reject other people because they're different...
People who reject others for mistakes...
People who acted like friends but never where...

People I have known, act like friends so long as they're being sucked up to... and like the fucked up individuals they are, will reject someone outright for stupid shit... petty shit... and they've likely done worse to people like me and been tolerated up to that point...

Those of you who have done this, may or may not know who they are, but I'll likely list them in a rant later... I have found a reason to write on these journals, I guess...

As much as I hate writing them... this is my journal.

Kitsu...

- Ice