I recall living somewhere that looked like my previous location and toying with a handheld radio. Kinda like Baofeng UV-5R, but not exactly. My neighbors seemed to have their own as well and talked with one another. They were breaking protocol - they weren't doing it "by the rules" and probably on frequencies they shouldn't have been using... I think my mother was also there and she told me to go outside or climb on the 5th floor to get a better signal or something. It's as if she just wanted me out of the apartment to play outside or something. (now in retrospect I used to have a neighbor on the 5th floor back in Ukraine with whom I often played; we were living on the 8th floor though back then - not the 2nd)... So I recall going outside and walking somewhere with that radio. Then the scene kind of changed completely on me!

I then remember myself walking with a friend and his father(?) to this Jurassic World style land (without dinosaurs though). There were people in it, but it took a while to walk there and until then we were walking alone on this vast green field with some hills on it - it was a long-ish walk. I was a boy, maybe in my early teens or even pre-teens as was my friend. His father was looking out for the two of us as a guardian adult. There was short green grass everywhere, hills to climb.. I recall climbing some hill and getting kinda stuck. I was still holding that handheld radio from the previous "scene" and it was receiving someone talking on one of the channels, others were suspiciously silent (it let me see activity on many channels at once - kinda cool)... I recall wondering why isn't there more activity on the others. Friend's father was kind of half-annoyed that I climbed the hill, worried I could fall down, so he told me to knock it off and climb down while he backs me up in case I lose my grip: something my own father would say, but for some reason he wasn't in the dream at all... I strapped the radio to the back pocket of my shorts and carefully climbed down with his help.. I thanked him. I then saw a military style helicopter flying from that destination place back somewhere. It was as if the entire thing was covered in patches of grass as camo - not the color, but actual green fluff on it. I found it funny how it looked like a "chunk of flying grass" and how stupid that was as camo: everyone could see that against the blue sky... Then we kind of continued walking, but I woke up.

I don't recall having a dream where my age suddenly shifted like that or where I was just a boy.. I do vaguely recall having some kind of other dream some time ago being inside of a "construction" or house that was built all weird. It was more like a playhouse where you didn't live - just visited with others. That house was also in the middle of some kind of "green field" that reminded me of this synthetic "park" that was man-made, or just "separate" from anywhere else in the world - an unpopulated park. There aren't many trees or features there - just green field and this "futuristic modern vibe" to it like you're in futuristic paradise with no worries or responsibilities to bother you. There were no problems there to bother anyone. They just had fun - that's all. There were other people in it, but none of significance... it's the same vibe in this dream, except we were walking to that location...

It's 3:30am, and instead of sleeping I decided to finish with the first batch of photos from Nordic FuzzCon 2020. It's been almost a month since the con and I wanted to post some of the nicer ones that I've captured before the whole thing becomes irrelevant and forgotten. It's only 146 images out of 1.2K, but that should be normal. Hell, out of those 146 there are probably just a handful that would actually look even remotely "professional" anyway!

Nikon Image Space: http://img.gg/WnZ59WV
Flickr: https://flickr.com/photos/frozenpaw.....57713476349013 (PLEASE use an adblock...)
Google Photos: https://photos.app.goo.gl/KjKNXLsGcteWrhUA7 (GPhotos blurs photos in full size - be advised...)
scritch.es: https://scritch.es/icedragon (there are no albums here, so just scroll through them... it also blurs thumbnails...)

I will probably keep on digging some more at a later time, but until then...

All in all, I think I've improved a bit compared to CFZ2019. Shooting outside in the daylight with a 1.8f lens helped tremendously, too! Still many lessons left to learn and mistakes to avoid, but that's something for the next convention.

I've been "thinking out loud" into a text file for the past 5 hours or so about sometimes being jealous of "popufurs" or those in the artistic field, be it art, music, photography... In my case, even other software engineers wouldn't want to read what I write, let alone anyone else who is not in the field... Socially I'm also quite a nobody, especially in the fandom at large. Sometimes it gets to me that outside of GUI I don't really get to share any creative work...

That file reached around 13KB now and you know what? Ain't noone got time for that, so I'll try again...

Envy is something that was a bit misunderstood by me: I often found myself being jealous of someone for their talent in art, music, photography, for their popularity and influence, for living in the same country as their boyfriend or just in a country with more furs than here... However, when I ask myself whether I'd be willing to trade my entire life (the good AND the bad) for theirs given all I know - the pros and the cons of their field and their personal struggles - the answer to that question would be "don't be ridiculous". In fact, I've managed to significantly suppress my envy with such a question in almost every aspect.

The thing is: envy alone is only a part of the equation - it is me wanting to have a certain skill - right the f' now - but not yet thinking of anything productive surrounding it. Would going through all this learning process be worth it? Would the result be worth it? Would I be willing to deal with a potential fanbase who (unlike actual friends) would crucify you without hesitation if you say something they don't agree with? Would being in those shoes really make things better for me, or am I just deluding myself that it will?.. Finally, if I see a merit in learning something (i.e., photography, music), what are the steps I've got to take to get me on the track? Which classes can I take? How should I practice? What equipment should I buy?.. Now THAT takes some effort to get going, and even more effort and discipline to persist, and in this day and age we're too used to getting our gratification for free...

I suppose what I currently lack and should work more on in terms of self-improvement - is to take that envy, listen to it and if I really want to give it a shot at having that skill, I should set up a goal with all the steps laid out, and patiently work towards reaching some milestones there. After all, I figured it's not that person's life I'm after - mine's not too bad in itself outside of not being perfect either - I'm just after the skill, which should be learnable...


All that aside, I do wonder what are good places to post one's photos on. I assume FA isn't the best candidate to dump a hundred photos from a con, and scritch.es with its rather limited UI limits participants to being logged in to view one's photos. Instagram is out right ridiculous with its requirements to upload from a phone, so what else is there..?