THIS IS THE ONLY WARNING YOU WILL GET AS THIS IS A VENT JOURNAL AND NOT DIRECTLY AT ANYONE IN GENERAL.

That being said here we go.

Me and ele have been non stop struggling for months now asking, begging, pleading to get any kind of support we can. With the expectation of some which will not be named here as they know who they are. We have gotten nothing. At this point we can't no pay for our own food or bills or anything for that matter. This has been a non stop struggle for the past few months now and we are working on getting a job here as well but it not always easy as as we got here a few days ago not even enough time to unpack our things. I sold my toolbox for 1k when it worth over 2.6k easy and I had to take it because it was the only offer and we needed the cash. Needless to say if it wasn't for that we wouldn't of even made it here in the first place. So even after everything we been through and all the stress of the move and more we still can't seem to support ourself currently. We need some help and fast. If we dont get it then we will lost everything we have been trying to keep under control this whole time.

I will say this before i post this. I am beyond pissed at the help or I should say the lack of support we been getting. This is not the first time this has happened and despite everything we still made it here. Somehow we found our wait but there is not other options left. There is not money hidden away. This has cause every bit of relaxation we had to go out the window. This has become too much. I thought that many saying something would make it so we could have a chance and get some support but it seems i have underestimated the community I call home. We see others getting money for like a computer or something small like that so they can keep drawing. We ask for money to move and get nothing. Ask for money for bills and got nothing. I personally am enraged and upset at how much we have to do to try and just survive the way we are right now. I am not sure what else to say other then saying that i am very very disappointed and upset I am at this point now and I am not sure what I am going to do much less what we are going to do. That being said I think that all i can really say here. If you want to help then you can reach us through FA, Discord, twitter, and telegram. If you want more just leave a message and I will happily give you it. Once again this is not meant to offend or anything but needed to vent out and tell everyone how we are feeling.

So if you have not noticed by not my mate and I are moving to California to start over again. In short this week has been a living hell of us both. You have saw ele side of the story. So here is mine.

This is the short version of everything that has happen over the years we been living in this home. There have been leaks, still no solution on the termite problem, and the roof is in really bad shape. My aunt refuses to even put in the slightest bit of effort to make our lives a little easy. We told her about the leaks (Last tropical storm found 8 in total) we were met with abuse and being yelled at the whole time it was being "Patched" by a repair man. This has been an ongoing struggle for us. It brings us more stress then we need. I had to stay up just to make sure our electronics were not rained on and lucky they were not. It been a non stop battle to even get this repaired.

If you didn't know by now Ele was in the hospital and only just came back 6 months ago. She still not in great health and I worried that if things don't change I might be looking at the worst to come. The stress needed to go. I also broke my left collar bone and creaked 3 ribs in a fall on the football field when I was helping my brothers team for his Special Olympics. I was out of work effectively for 6 months and had two surgeries as well. During this time My aunt did pretty much nothing to help me or her out. It was once again another struggle just to survive at this point. Living on whatever we could get from day to day. It wasn't until 3 months ago I was able to go back to work and even then I need to have Physical Therapy done so ended up only making 30ish hours a week. This is when all the really hard issue came up. My aunt started to harass us none stop about being behind on rent for 6ish months that we couldn't pay it. You know because ele barely made enough to cover for her own bills much less food.

After everything is said and done though we are still moving and would be leaving no later then the 28th of this Oct. I am trying to make some money by selling my toolbox and tools to make the move much more affordable. If you can't buy them that fine but please spread this around. We are effectively asking/begging to get some help here in anyway we can. Not saying you have to but would very much be appreciated if you did. As a last note I have posted this on my Twitter and Craiglist as well as now FA. I will more then likely be posting this more in the future. I can not stress this enough. We really need any help we can get here and any little bit will go a long way.

Thank you all for reading this and just hope this works out. Links will be below.

Twitter: https://twitter.com/icedrake20/stat.....91435835940865
FA: Ele posting https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/10357831/
Craiglist: https://miami.craigslist.org/mdc/tl.....542249639.html

The first thing I like to say is thank you everyone for your massive support in helping me and ele get through these rough times in our lives. All of your help as massively help get us through so much and without your support I am not sure I would be in the best of shapes myself. So this is to all the people that have helped and been with me and ele through it all. Even showing support in anyway they can. From the bottom of my heart I can't thank you all enough.

That said now... more importantly... ELE IS RETURNING HOME YAY!!! *does backflips and frontflips and all of the flips*

This has been a much much needed boost in my moral as i really really not been feeling super great lately. Everything has been weighting down on me lately. I was really starting to get to the point i didn't want to even work or be around anyone anymore. My moods changed a lot. However... I had support to keep me going. All my friends were doing amazing stuff for me to help me keep going.

I wanted to bring this all up because it only fair that everyone should know that because I now have a date (that is next week Friday the 24th) I will also more then likely not be online as much and be nuzzles and cuddling ele like a little cat.. and yes. i said cat because to her I am always going to be a big silly goof kitty cat. This has been all i really wanted to say. I am really thankfully for everything everyone has done to keep me and ele going. I love you all very much.

So this is more an update on what going on currently. I will start with ele of course first.

Ele status is she doing better and had the feeding tube removed a day or so ago so she can start to eat normal food again but slowly. She got to face Time (if you know what that is) with me Wednesday. It was nice for her to see me but her face was swollen still and she really couldn't talk that well and mumbled a bit as it was hard to hear her. However she very much was her normal self. Telling me to shave my beard and trying to be her normal goofy self again. So that always good. She still was really tired and weak though so us seeing each other didn't last long on about 5 minutes. She still having some issue with her kidneys function correctly. Overall though she doing better which makes me happy. She very much tired of being in the hospital and really wants out so she pushing to do so. I still think it be another week or so before she can go home but we will have to see. This was mostly what i know about and oh she also cut her hair as well while there.

As for me I am pretty ok. Not super good or bad either way. I am glad she is doing better which makes my mood overall but still depressed that I can't be with her and while yes i did get to face time with her it was a double edge sword. I was glad to see her again to know she doing alright but with the tube in your mouth and oxygen going into her nose a bit and her not able to really move or talk much it really hurt to see her like this. So both a good and bad thing. As some of you might know my job is stressing me more and more but at least it seems to not be as bad right now. I was able to finally get my PTO pay and it help soo much. Paying off some bills for the month and last month. However that said, I can't keep up with the bills and rent alright and it stressing me out more. I am still ok for now but I am not sure how next month will be like but currently ele still in the hospital and in California as well and even when she free from the hospital she will not be working normally for a bit. Now lucky soon her HR department will be pay 2 weeks to 1 month. but after that they will only pay up to 60% for short term disability. This does help but as she only getting 60% per normal check it would mean that we would be short around 100 to 150$ every week which is about 400 to 600$ a month we are losing. So this makes it pretty hard. Not as hard as it is now but still hard enough though. Which brings me to the next and final subject at hand.

As of this moment and from other peoples advise as well... I will not be asking for money from anyone but... I will be taking donations of any kind. Any little bit will help. If you wish to help or even spread the word I will not say no to any of this and in fact would love to have others know about this. If all you can do is tell people about this journal and that would be good enough help for me.

Thank you all for listening to this and if you want to help donate then just use this link as it goes to a gofundme page to support us in this time if need. https://gofund.me/774e4d69

Hey all I know it been a while since I last chatted with anyone I had a lot going in in the last few years. Moved away from my old home to a new home. Living with my mate elementalwolf. We got engaged one day soon I will ask her to merry me. Overall things have been looking pretty up. That was until COIVD destroyed our nation economy and we lost soo many love ones and close friends. I never had the experience of being caught in any of this mess until... well as must of you guys know by now... My mate is sick and has COIVD. She got it somehow while on vacation with her sisters in California. It was pretty serious that she was rushed to the hospital for fainting and having a fever of over 103. She was submitted in and they also found she has kidney and bladder infection as well as liquid in the lungs AKA pneumonia. her oxygen levels were down to 30% and I started to have a panic attack while at work. I had to stop what I was doing for a an hour or more to try and regather my thoughts and finish the day. This all happen this pass week and it been really rough not hearing from her or saying or doing anything to or with her. Her family also now has COIVD as well and they are having some issue too. 2 sisters have a fever, 2 others are mostly okish. there father has no taste and they are all having some form of a cough or another. They oxygen levels are pretty good last I heard from one of ele's sisters but as of today she also started to have a high fever and we might lost contact with them as well. Ele has been sedated for sometime now and every day that passes that i not heard from her makes me that much more worried and scared and causes my panic attacks and sadness and depression to set in. The last update i got on ele was that yes she is still sedated, her oxygen levels have increased to 90% (with a breathing tube down her throat but still good at least) and as of yesterday up to 99% after the blood transfusion she had done. Her iron level is so low and her blood is so thin they needed to get more oxygen rushing in to help keep her stable. Currently that is how she is sedated but stable. My mind has been all over the place and both with fear and joy, happiness and sadness. Most of which because I can't even go see her right now because she has COIVD and so does her family. I am hopeless stuck and only have to watch her suffer and bare this burden herself with her family.. This feeling.. It heartbreaking. Watching the love of my life go through the toughest point in her life right now and I can't even be there to help her.. Sigh.. I don't ask much but I do ask if you want to spread the word around or even want to help you always just direct message me on FA here or on discord itself. Cynder Drone#1030 is the name. Right now I need distractions in my life to try and get my mind of the hopelessness of not being able to do anything and just wait. Every part of me is scared and fearing the worst but I can't let that overwhelm me with doubt. She stronger then this virus and stubborn as even. I only hope that when she comes out of this (And she will) that she has no long term side effects from this. The second she get back here in my arms I am taking some personally time. Some time away from work no matter if they pay me or not I need to be here with her when she comes back. Bills will come and add up but I will somehow figure a way to pay for everything and take care of her all at the same time. I only ask that you tell others if you are reading it this far. I have a lot of free time after work or effectively doing nothing. So feel free to poke me if you would. Trust me you won't be bothering me and I could use the distraction. I am not one for region either but if you pray please pray for my mate. I don't even care what region or form it is in. All I ask is you keep her in your thoughts if you do. Other then this I think that all I got here. I hope to talk to her one day soon again but I fear it might not come for at least another week or so and maybe another 3 weeks or more before she will be back home... Sigh... Let hope it is not that long and thank you all who have read this.

I been thinking for sometime and I never really been able to put words to it until now. I always wanted to know. Who or what am I?
I mean sure a lot of you tink i am a pretty nice guy but why? What am I doing to cause this when I myself cant see it.
This has haunted me for a very long time and I never found and answer. So I guess i should ask others what they think of me and why think this way of me.
Even asking my mate this question and gotten her answer as well. The most common answer I get is that I am nice. I am a kind person. But is that all I really am?
Just a kind person that has no traces, no skills, no special anything? just an "average Joe"? I guess that really what bothers me the most.
That I am just some guy that feels he getting by because other pitty me or because I am a nice guy. but is that all I really am. If so why do I feel so bad all the time then?
If you know me by now you of course know I am abit of of a hard ass on myself. I take all my failures personally and hold on to them.
I am very hard on myself because I feel i should be. Personally I am not sure what to do or think lately.
I have so many unfinished ideas and stories and pictures to go with them I couldn't even count them all. I have started each one of them and yet failed to get much further.
So I ask of you all. Why do you all look up to me and see me as a nice/great person for when I dont have the skills to do anything at all.
What do you all see in me? Please let me know so maybe I can start looking and figuring this out. I do want to do my writing again but I just need to know how or where to go again.

hey all sorry for the wait. i am not dead yet but i don't feel all that well physically and mentally either. it not that i am really dying it more that my world seem to be coming down all around me. i am sure some of you can related to this issue pretty well. personally i never think i felt this bad in a long time. i though i was doing well. keeping myself happy and moving forward. but lately life has been throwing curb ball after curb ball. and i keep taking the hits and moving on. this last one though.. really hit me good. on top of everything else (i will get to that in a bit) it finally hits me. my roommates that i lived with the last 10 years are moving away to portland, Oregon. they leave for it i think friday morning... so tomorrow and today are really my last chance of seeing and spending time with them. it feels like the more i do to push myself further to make myself happy the more life want to throw at me to knock me back down. as much as i been pushing myself i not been doing as well as i like. these last few days are going ot be rough... i know it will be. part of me is already braking up inside and hurting and not sure what i should do at this point. in 4 months the very house i live in will be sold as well which dont help me feel much better.

in other news there more to throw at you. saturday 09/03/16. i was hit by a car walking across a street. i am fine for hte most part. nothing broken or damaged. funny how i was crossing the street i work on and on my lunch break as well. so that makes it even better. for those that already know this is nothing new so sorry if it sounds like i am repeating myself to you about this. who knows. maybe i having given you all the details yet.. anyway. i was hit on my left side. hit the ground hard on the right side. i walked it off from what others said i don't remember much about the whole thing. the drive took off after hte though i waved him away. so i didn't get any of his info at all. i worked the rest of the day not saying anything about it to my boss or anyone else really. until i got home. i sat down relaxed for a bit and when i when to get upstairs i realized i was in soo much pain i couldn't climb the stairs at all. so i when to the hospital. they didn't find anything really wrong with me expect water on my knees. go figure didn't even know about until i was there and that it runs in our family. the things you find out in the hospital.. anyway i was given pain killers and discharged from there. i am still taking the meds even now but saving the stronger stuff for when i am in alot of pain and it wont go away. other then my knee still bothering me i am pretty much ok physically. i am hoping my insurances covered most of this visit or i am going to be in even more trouble.

now then the last part of my news. so this saturday after i start finally getting some recover. i was pulled into my bosses offices. seems he wanted to talk about something. never a good sign but i was hoping it wasn't one of those times. turns out i was wrong again... so ya he pretty much said i was moving too slow and i needed to pick up the paste or he would have to reconsider me working there. normally that means he going to fire me. only problem with this is.. well that monday i told him the whole story about me getting hit by a car and that i would be a little slow for a bit. i needed time to recover and over working myself would make it happen slower. i expect this too him again that saturday. but you know that look when you try explaining yourself when they are just sitting in there chair crossed armed and looking at you like they are not going to listen to what you have to say anyway. well that the look i got. so ya i pretty much pushed myself harder then i should and hurt my knee (right knee for those following along) so much so that it was so bad i could barely stand on it. he has this habit of over working people because he books too many cars for us to work on and if we start to fall behind he start rushing us more. and on top of that come and checks on everything your doing every 5 mins it seems. it been rough for me lately and i am still recovering slowly. my knee hurts but not as bad as it was that saturday. i am pretty sure i would of been mostly healed but now if he hadn't of over worked me that day. now it going take another week before i can fully recover again. i am seeing the district manager this monday and i want to tell and show him the things i did and how long it took me and why i was moving slower then normal. personally i am not sure how this is going to go i am just hoping it ends in my favor.

well that about it.. oh wait i forgot. there still the fund raiser i am doing to try and bring money in so i can start to prep for the trip to get ele. i only hope this helps more and i will link it again here. please if you can help out. if you can find more people to see this. i really could use this money to help ele move or me move at this point as i am not sure what would be better right now. here the link: https://www.gofundme.com/24yn35ks i am sure most of you already know about this as well. but just reminding people is a good way to show i am still wanting to do this.

anyway that pretty much it. hope this isn't too long for you to want to read.

so i have a few things i like to talk about. some good and some bad but i guess it the way you look at it really. alright so let get right to the point of things then.

1. i have been looking for new ways of income right now. personally i dont think i am good enough to start trying to draw and start charging people. hell ele and bel my friends have a hard enough time getting people to commission them and i am no where near as good as them. anyway i think drawing is off the table myself. looking for work in my field dont seem to be helping me much either. most of this you all already knew about me. what is new is this. i have been given a great idea from my roommates on what i could do to start making some money. it seem a little silly but i will get to that at the end of this post.

2. my aunt seems to be driving me nuts lately about me working with her and my cousin. not sure what i am really going to do about it just yet but it only 400$ a month which is not nearly as good as it should be. mostly because i still cant afford to pay rent. it been about 3 months now sense this has happened. i am still working on what i can do to fix this issue. most of the time i am doing maid work around the house to pay for my stay here. not too bad but still not ideal for what i want to do with my life.

and finally 3. to put it like this. i have lost a lot if not all of my drive to want to do anything. my emotions are high, stress is high and my motivation to do anything about these issue are very low. most of the time i spend my time doing nothing but either sleeping all day or sitting in my room doing nothing. i am depressed as my energy is very low as well. i want to put this out there right now. I AM NOT GOING TO KILL MYSELF OR DO ANYTHING CRAZY LIKE THAT. with that out of the way you can do as you like with that info. i am not so depressed that i wish to end my life. in fact it never comes cross my mind. only say that now because i wanted people to know that i wont do that for sure. so with all that said i been talking and brainstorming about a lot of these issue with my roommates and some by myself.

alright so this is the really crazy idea. i know there a lot of people out there that like to hang out and talk to me. so maybe you all will like this and help me with this. my roommates and i have come up with a nice idea. a you-tube channel for me. with my DND charter Zip the Kobolt. he a fun loving chaotic guy that a mage and i love to play. he is the best thing i have ever come up with. he love blowing things up and setting things on fire as well. but also enjoys his friends that keep him going. the title of this channel will be Zip Amazing Adventure and his Sidekicks i know it a crazy idea and it a long shot but hey it still at least worth a shot right? tell me what you think of this crazy idea and if you have any more ideas let me know. because right now i be willing to try about anything.

hey everyone i guess i should finally give everyone an update on how i been. if you have known me long enough you would see that there is something deeply troubling me. though i never try to bring it out in chat i figured now is as good time as any to finally just tell everyone what is really going on. this will be in parts and i don't expect this to be short either. i will try to make this work though.

1. roughly about 2 mouths ago i got into a little fender bender. nothing major and everyone was ok. more or less just broke part of my lens on my taillight nothing more. the driver in the other vehicle was find. turns out he didn't speak English at all. but he was fine and i was fine. asked him many times if he was good and he seem to nod so i just drove off. the next day right before the biggest concert of my life two officers showed up at my door asking for me. saying i did a "hit and run" and i would need to go to the station to clear it up right away. i was freaking out because i though it was all good. but turns out i was wrong. i when down there and got it cleared up. only got in trouble for no insurance on the car and that i was getting a ticket in the mail. well a few days ago i got a notice saying my licences was going to suspended for not paying the ticket. i was mad and upset because i didn't know what to do. so i call up the ticket client and figured out how much it was going to be to fix it. so what i am looking at is roughly 30$-122$ to pay it. ether way i have to do so within the week. i should be about to take care of it tomorrow.

2. so one Saturday i when in to my advance auto parts. i got there and saw two tickets and saw i was written up for them already. without even hear my side of the story. they already decided it was my fault. after a long boring talk about how it was me and how my bossed said he "tried" to do everything he could about talking to be big bosses and said i had to pay them. each ticket was 158 a piece. this of course was shortly after getting into that fender bender about a week before. was it only seem ot make things worst for me. i was so mad and yet sadden too that i decide to do something about it. the next day i put my 2 weeks notice in and decide then and there i was done with them and would be leaving on the 5 of July. there were a few remarks about him saying this was a mistake and how i would be working harder somewhere else and how it would be just as stressful there. but i didn't listen as the tickets were the last straw for me. i was already thinking of leaving as is. but this just sealed it for me. so on July 5 i leaved them and never going back. though i still have the two tickets to deal with.

3. as you know i still have the two tickets do deal with. each 158 for stop like violations for a total of 316. now this being said i talked to the ticket client and they cant do anything yet to them until they the date of due has passed. (which is 8/4/15) i could either pay the full price now and not have anything on my license at all or i can wait and pay 75$ per to the ticket client for a total of 150$ to have them dismissed out of court. that being said it would still show up on my license as two tickets but show up as dismissed. the question is. do i pay for the full price and have them never show up again on my driver licence or do i pay 150$ to have them dismissed from court but still be on my driver license as ticket that were dismissed.

4. since i leaved my other job i was suppose to get an auto parts job working on cars but i haven't gone a call yet nor have them seem interested in hiring me. i been with one for about 2 weeks now and i been really stressing over it. i am also going to try and talk to them again to see what going on and what is the hold on on hiring me. that being said i am should have pushed it more when i was out of a job instead of siting on my ass most of the time.

5. i have one last thing i like to say before wrapping this up. i am leaving for a vacation to see  elementalwolf (aka my mate) on the 26th of July. wont be back until the 2nd of august. with how stressed out as i been and with my money being short i am not sure what will happen or anything. if you feel like you could help in anyway please let me know. though i don't ever expect it nor do i care if anyone does. just stating how things are for me before i leave. when i get back i will be needing to pay rent and paying the ticket client. (total being 495$ you can do the math on how much my rent is by looking at number 4 again) this is why i would ask for anything anyone is willing to give me. again you don't have to just a putting myself out there.

ok well here we have it. this is what been bothering me lately. other then being a little pressured by my roomates to go and push myself into looking for a job or pushing for the other job i should be getting away. i been really emotion to pretty much everyone and i am sorry if been really rude and bitching and been really causing a lot of drama. but a good friend of mine (aka  Kirisha ) she told me it would be a good idea to write down all my issue. so here they are. i do kinda feel just a little bit better after this but still there a lot i need to think about and a lot i need to fix. this is why i wrote it down. to help me focus my mind onto them and work on fixing them. i know this is long and i hope this will help you understand me better and why i been how i am the last few months. thank you all.

so ya as you might have noticed on my skype (if i have you on there) i am having computer issues again... well this time my laptop wireless adator (not sure how to spell it so forgive me) is dieing. it only a matter of time before it is completely dead. so ya i am still going to be on but... using a land line for a while. sadly because of hte taxes delay because of so bs crap. i have not been able to pay my rent or pay for anything for that matter. so this just is another something i have to get now and pay for... with little money i have right now it not going to happen for a while... sigh... anyway ya i feel like throwing my computer at the damn window because this is a 1000$ computer i got roughly a year ago and there no really simply way of fixing the wireless issue without replacing the piece or reformating my computer as we are not sure if it a hardware or software issue now. anyway people were wondering why i was pissed off and anger and upset well here you go. hope this will give you all the info you need to why i am like this right now.
i hope everyone is still doing good and happy.

i think it about time i really just lay it all out. there some good and bad to follow so read at your own destestion (not idea how to spell it)

i talk about the good first. the good news is i finally finished my college and now can go work in a shop for real when my certificate is finally mailed too me. so i can really start working for what i love to do. and that is work on cars. i always loved as a kid. taking things apart and seeing how they work. it was pretty good. i even fixed a few car problems myself as a kid so i though i might as well do something i enjoy. only need to wait another 3 weeks or so to get it but at least it a start.

like i said there is some good and bad. here is the bad. after i got out and found out i passed i was overjoyed. so happy i would finally be able to work on cars for real. but shortly after that day i been feeling more and more well... lost. not just physically. both mentally and spiritually as well. i feel tired, weak, un-rested, the works. i haven't really slept well in the last week and half and i yet to even really understand why. all i can figure out is my mind and body and soul are not one. they are in three different places at once and the more i try to figure out why the more depressed and restless i become. it affecting both my work and now my home. my friends i live with are starting to see and even feel the aura of this depression. most of the time i just lay in bed looking around or lay in my bed chatting with ele my mate or sleeping most of the day. if i got to work i go to work then go home and pretty much repeat the same thing as i said before. i never been sure what to do. so i guess this is why i am writing this down. maybe someone will have an answer that will help. other then "i am stressing over getting a job" i hard that and not really interested in hearing that 50 times over. yes some of it is from that. but only a small part. so that my though of to everything going right now. sorry for the long post just though it about time i wrote them down to let other see why i havnt been chatting and talking that much anymore.

i have quit my other sub job as well just if you didnt know this by now. with that said most of you might have already know i been pretty busy with my college work. monday - friday 8 to 2 roughly. for all of you that didnt know that. i am in college for the same thing ele is in hers for. auto technical. it pretty rough but i am handing it well. i also just got a new job at a place called advance auto parts. it pretty sweet. i just went through the 8 hour training course online and i even finished with enough time to spare to do some real work. as in talking and ringing people up in the store. i was pretty nervous at first but i think i start to get the hang of it. i start my job classes next week tuseday, wensday, and thursday from noon to 7 pm eastern time of course. just for all of you not on that time. it looks like a 9 week course and i will be getting payed for all of it as well. so yes i finally gotten a real job i look forward too. even it if does seem a bit scary for me.

now with that updated i am running low on money but i think i can handle myself for now if i keep spending down to pretty much 0 until my first check. hopefully before 13 of oct. as that will be when my phone bill is due. but i have enough to cover it now if nothing eles goes wrong

ok last but not least i been getting alot of request lately to start my storys back up. well..... i just might. but only on weekends if i do. it really just depends on my mood and when i feel like doing them. but to all of you that have been asking. no i am not dropping the storys (the plant and ant ones). but it will be slow and i will need alot of boost to keep going on them. as you might have noticed on some of my days i been on skype i been...well not around and when i am i pretty much only poke then go back to beening quite again. also when i do finally talk it normally when i had alot on my mind and pretty emotionly beaten. i am slowly recovering form it and if any of you want to draw something for me to help cheer me up i wont stop you and that would be nice of you as well. also if you have any input please write it down and sent it too me. i will do my best to keep up with it, add them, and talk too you them into the storys if i like them enough.

alright i think that is everything. i hope you all understand this. if now well..... do your best to at least XD. also yes i know there is alot of mispelled words and i just dont really care to fix them. just wanted to write this down before i forget.

well any free time i might have had just kinda when out the window... as i am not pretty much working 7 days a week now at about 6 or so hours a day. the reason beening this. the person that switches days with me on when we close the shop got a spider bite. it started wensday night as i was leaving work when i saw it and he was telling his boss about it. i had a good idea what it was. a brown recluse bite... pretty nasty bite. it might not look like much on the outside but on the inside it eating away at everything. it a very very deathly spider here. anyway he was told to get it looked at by me and him and he said he would. but Thursday morning on my day off might i add. i got called in because that guy hand swelled and he could close it at all and also had a needle injected in to make the swelling go down. so i worked on my day off Thursday.

Friday though was rough as i needed to work morning and night as well. 10 am. lucky i got a slight brake so it was only from 10 to 2 then 4 to 10 again. really rough day. part time might i add on to all this. i am still only part time. anyway i worked so far from Tuesday to Sunday. 4 to 10 pm. the worst news is i found out today that the guy was in the hospital and his hand had a hole there where he was bite... and he had fluid draining out of it and his hand was wrapped up. so even if he does get out of the hospital sometime today he cant really work at all for the next 2 weeks i would say. rough time at least. so this is day 6 without a day off and Monday will make 7.... and don't look like i will have another day off for some time. i will have to see what happens.

anyway just thoughts on my mind really. so you know what i have been up to the last few days. i am exhaust both mentally and physically but i must push on and get through this. i hope you lean me your strength to make it though all of this. thank you all for reading this.

so i might not get a lot of opinions here but first i want to puts this too the test. i want to start a vote here first to see how it goes first. there is three questions i want to know from others here.

i want to know if anyone really really wants to have artwork done for them from me?
also it they think i should ask for money for them if they are good enough?
finally the big one, if i should start really drawing again?

please makes sure you answer all three questions and by all means get others involve so i can see others opinions on this. the more votes i have one here the more like i can really say if this is really something i should put time into.

also here is some explains of my work. done a very long time ago on deviantart enjoy and comment if you like.

http://icedrake20.deviantart.com/

well it about time i updated everyone that watches me on what going on. life could be better but as to be expected. also i am back to beening my normal dragon stuff agian. not stuck in a hybrid mewtwo form anymore. took months to get out of that latex mess and about a year to figure how who i really was. now with that said i am my normal white/silver dragon self again. i am also looking for some artist to be able to draw myself as i truly am. kiru the dragon. also there is a darkness inside this dragon that seems to one to take control from time to time. so i do have my moments of dom. but i normally am a sub even for one as young as me. i dont want to start a war to see who can out bid each other on trying to get me as a commission for them. but i do have this to say. i want to have a few pictures done and i dont want to spent alot of money on each one so give me your best offer and we will go from there. any one that can draw can have me as there commission. so as another dragon to all you dragons out there. give me a picture of my own and make this dragon a real dragon for good.


so far i think 5 is a great number for me to start at. as i said i want to feel my dragon power come to life. i have one for my good side, one for my bad side, one for my hopefully my mate to be, one for the great battle between my good and evil side and hopefully some kinky stuff for the last one.
(can be more if more then one person wants to do this part hehe)

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now let it start.

well i have figured out what i am now. a hybrid mewtwo. i how you all will enjoys the new me. anyway this is how i am now. love me or hate me but i hope you start to love the new me more now. i am a latex ice mewtwo. the side of me that is dragon is now just a little more then a though in my mind now. my dom side is now the mewtwo with only bits of the dragon powers left. enjoy the new me. the new more powerfully sexy me. but those of you like me as a dragon i can still become a dragon, just not for a long period of time is all.