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MFF 2016 Con Report: Still the Worst.
Posted 8 years agoOK, I've finally managed to wipe off the eye bleach, up my meds and drag myself to the terminal to deliver what is no doubt the worst con report ever.
I pretty much blame everything that happened on the MFF 2016 Con Chair, Con Staff, Security, Sponsors and Attendees, and Hotel Staff and Management. Not to mention a good few not-so-innocent passers by.
First of all, THERE WERE NO ROOMS IN THE MAIN HOTEL TO BE HAD AT ANY PRICE. Even if I had money to spend on a room. The rooms sold out totally in four minutes flat despite me having reservation page scripts pre-written, fields pre-filled and mom's credit card to ummm...borrow the room cost from.
Then I waited for two hours for the room block to be released and by the time my tired toes got done banging in my information on the reservations site THE ROOMS WERE GONE.
GONE.
IN FOUR MINUTES.
So I wound up having to beg (again!) for 5 square feet of space to sleep on the floor (again!) in an over-crowded, fursuit-stuffed room full of total weirdos (again!). My Roomies were mostly Asian and none of them spoke much English. However, they all spoke it much better than my Japanese. I only know three words of Japanese and I think two of them are not polite.
So, random roomies. Lots of them. I think they were lonely for the experience of riding the Tokyo subway or something. The room smelled like overcooked Ramen most of the weekend when it didn't smell like other weird Asian foods. ...And weird Asians. Also there was a teacher who must go to furry cons so he's glad to go back to school after the con weekend.
If there was one bright side, they were spotlessly clean and neat and hung their fursuits out to dry properly and everything. Even their fursuits only smelled mildly funky...kind of like green tea, kimchi and Pokemon dust. I don't think they trusted the toilet tho, cuz it only did one thing and didn't massage and blow-dry the fur on your buttcheeks or apply a soothing lotion to your burning...never mind.
One of my roomies, a lion, was overly fond of plush toys... no, not that kind! The kind you use for fursuit props (some were rather suggestively shaped, however). He had donuts, a plush cactus you were not supposed to hug for some reason and a big plush firework rocket that I saw used in some creative and unsafe for work ways *sighs* Furries. He also had a big photo shoot where various fursuiters lay on the bed and on top of each other. It was kind of like a porno shoot, only sweatier with a lot more layers of fabric (and no genitalia on display, thank goodness!).
The con itself was stupidly busy; record-breaking attendance (way to go, MFF, you finally got more weirdos under one roof than FC), the elevator lines were atrocious, the mob in the lobby unruly and I couldn't have even gotten into the dealer room if I'd bought a badge.
OK, I bought a badge. Even Drama Llamas aren't so cheap they'd ghost a con.
Well, some of us, anyway.
I went into a couple of the dealer rooms... one of guards at one room made me show ID and I didn't know why until I saw what was inside.
IT WAS FULL OF DICKS!
I mean, the whole room was, just....packed full of dicks!
And then I saw what they were selling...
EVEN MORE DICKS!
Dicks of all shapes, sizes, colors and (presumably) flavors. I was shocked. I had no IDEA the furry fandom took their fursonas to such extremes! Next thing you know they'll be getting actual transplants or something. I had to get out of there before someone maybe thought I actually was interested in one of those... and now I'm getting the heebie-jeebies just thinking about what sorts of places those things were intended to go...and who intended to put them there....and why.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!?! Yes. I'm using the term "people" loosely.
Then I couldn't even walk through the lobby without some random furry screaming my name out for no reason every couple minutes. I attempted to ignore it at first but eventually it got on my nerves and I started yelling back.
I wound up hiding in my ramen-smelling room most of the con just so people would leave me alone and I wouldn't have to think about what I had seen. Next time I will know better than to walk behind any curtains.
I pretty much blame everything that happened on the MFF 2016 Con Chair, Con Staff, Security, Sponsors and Attendees, and Hotel Staff and Management. Not to mention a good few not-so-innocent passers by.
First of all, THERE WERE NO ROOMS IN THE MAIN HOTEL TO BE HAD AT ANY PRICE. Even if I had money to spend on a room. The rooms sold out totally in four minutes flat despite me having reservation page scripts pre-written, fields pre-filled and mom's credit card to ummm...borrow the room cost from.
Then I waited for two hours for the room block to be released and by the time my tired toes got done banging in my information on the reservations site THE ROOMS WERE GONE.
GONE.
IN FOUR MINUTES.
So I wound up having to beg (again!) for 5 square feet of space to sleep on the floor (again!) in an over-crowded, fursuit-stuffed room full of total weirdos (again!). My Roomies were mostly Asian and none of them spoke much English. However, they all spoke it much better than my Japanese. I only know three words of Japanese and I think two of them are not polite.
So, random roomies. Lots of them. I think they were lonely for the experience of riding the Tokyo subway or something. The room smelled like overcooked Ramen most of the weekend when it didn't smell like other weird Asian foods. ...And weird Asians. Also there was a teacher who must go to furry cons so he's glad to go back to school after the con weekend.
If there was one bright side, they were spotlessly clean and neat and hung their fursuits out to dry properly and everything. Even their fursuits only smelled mildly funky...kind of like green tea, kimchi and Pokemon dust. I don't think they trusted the toilet tho, cuz it only did one thing and didn't massage and blow-dry the fur on your buttcheeks or apply a soothing lotion to your burning...never mind.
One of my roomies, a lion, was overly fond of plush toys... no, not that kind! The kind you use for fursuit props (some were rather suggestively shaped, however). He had donuts, a plush cactus you were not supposed to hug for some reason and a big plush firework rocket that I saw used in some creative and unsafe for work ways *sighs* Furries. He also had a big photo shoot where various fursuiters lay on the bed and on top of each other. It was kind of like a porno shoot, only sweatier with a lot more layers of fabric (and no genitalia on display, thank goodness!).
The con itself was stupidly busy; record-breaking attendance (way to go, MFF, you finally got more weirdos under one roof than FC), the elevator lines were atrocious, the mob in the lobby unruly and I couldn't have even gotten into the dealer room if I'd bought a badge.
OK, I bought a badge. Even Drama Llamas aren't so cheap they'd ghost a con.
Well, some of us, anyway.
I went into a couple of the dealer rooms... one of guards at one room made me show ID and I didn't know why until I saw what was inside.
IT WAS FULL OF DICKS!
I mean, the whole room was, just....packed full of dicks!
And then I saw what they were selling...
EVEN MORE DICKS!
Dicks of all shapes, sizes, colors and (presumably) flavors. I was shocked. I had no IDEA the furry fandom took their fursonas to such extremes! Next thing you know they'll be getting actual transplants or something. I had to get out of there before someone maybe thought I actually was interested in one of those... and now I'm getting the heebie-jeebies just thinking about what sorts of places those things were intended to go...and who intended to put them there....and why.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!?! Yes. I'm using the term "people" loosely.
Then I couldn't even walk through the lobby without some random furry screaming my name out for no reason every couple minutes. I attempted to ignore it at first but eventually it got on my nerves and I started yelling back.
I wound up hiding in my ramen-smelling room most of the con just so people would leave me alone and I wouldn't have to think about what I had seen. Next time I will know better than to walk behind any curtains.
MFF Hyatt crash space needed *le sigh*
Posted 9 years agoEven though I know nobody ever reads my journals... maybe I'll get lucky *
I reluctantly got talked into going to MFF again and then today my so-called 'friends' kicked me out of the room! Worst part is, the con hadn't even started this time!
So, here I am with a nonrefundable worst-class ticket, a suitcase full of semi-clean laundry and (of course) no place to stay!
Won't someone take pity on me and grant me 15 square feet of Hyatt floor space ( in the closet or under the sink is fine...even the balcony could be negotiated). I have money for my share of the room, (cuz I took all my beer bottles back), and I will bring my own bar of soap (just on the chance that the one that comes with the room might get used by someone else).
I promise not to cause too much drama** and will probably not even be in the room much at all except to sleep off the hangovers and I'll probably spend a fair amount of time huddled up in one corner having a nice, quiet sulk.
The guy who lives in my head (or is it vice-versa?) is actually a pretty decent guy for a human being and may actually talk to you and have fun and stuff. I don't know how he does it. Email me at dramallama (AT SIGN) disposable.com and I'll have him get ahold of you. Room needed Th- Sun and he's got cash and references if needed. Also booze.
*yeah, and maybe monkeys will fly out of my butt
**A Drama Llama's promises are only good at the moment they are made.
I reluctantly got talked into going to MFF again and then today my so-called 'friends' kicked me out of the room! Worst part is, the con hadn't even started this time!
So, here I am with a nonrefundable worst-class ticket, a suitcase full of semi-clean laundry and (of course) no place to stay!
Won't someone take pity on me and grant me 15 square feet of Hyatt floor space ( in the closet or under the sink is fine...even the balcony could be negotiated). I have money for my share of the room, (cuz I took all my beer bottles back), and I will bring my own bar of soap (just on the chance that the one that comes with the room might get used by someone else).
I promise not to cause too much drama** and will probably not even be in the room much at all except to sleep off the hangovers and I'll probably spend a fair amount of time huddled up in one corner having a nice, quiet sulk.
The guy who lives in my head (or is it vice-versa?) is actually a pretty decent guy for a human being and may actually talk to you and have fun and stuff. I don't know how he does it. Email me at dramallama (AT SIGN) disposable.com and I'll have him get ahold of you. Room needed Th- Sun and he's got cash and references if needed. Also booze.
*yeah, and maybe monkeys will fly out of my butt
**A Drama Llama's promises are only good at the moment they are made.
MFF 2016: Worst Con Ever- and it hasn't even happened yet!
Posted 9 years agoOK people. They told everyone to wait for the room blocks to open up and then they'd announce when you could get your grubby, Cheetos-stained paws on a room reservation for MFF 2016. So....I waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited....
And waited.
And waited.
And waited some more...and FINALLY THEY OPENED THE ROOM BLOCK AT NOON TODAY!
So after refreshing the MFF Twatter feed page over 800 times in three minutes (my hoof hurts!!!) I used my cunning, feral camelid skills to pounce on the link the moment it opened. I breathlessly entered my information for a double room...put in my credit card information (maxing it out even more than it was already) ....hit "confirm" and....
THE DOUBLE ROOMS WERE SOLD OUT!!!!
Holy mother of unwashed babyfurs....what is this all about!?
So, I quickly smashed my keyboard back down on the desk, and requested a -single- room....which was still showing as available and I could always complain about it to them later.
Click.
Click.
*frantically enter credit card information again, cursing as my inelegant camel-toes make several typos*
Deletedeletedeletedelete
Click.
[confirm room]
SOLD OUT!!!!
Four minutes after the room block opened.... I waited by my computer for 6 hours to be the first to get a room and it sold out in....
four minutes.
I can't believe my eyes! I mean, I know furry cons will do everything that they can to keep the Drama Llamas out, but we almost always find a way to get into the cons. This reeks of conspiracy! They probably paid Hyatt to keep me away, knowing full well no one will give crash space to a Drama Llama if they can possibly avoid it.
So unfair!!! disappointment....looming.........anger..........mounting...........rage.... building.......
Hnnnnrrrrggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!
YOU CAN'T KEEP ME AWAY, MIDWEST FURFEST!
I WILL FIND A WAY TO GET THERE, SOMEHOW, AND YOU WILL PAY DEARLY FOR THIS!!
*stomps off in a yellow, disappointed funk*
And waited.
And waited.
And waited some more...and FINALLY THEY OPENED THE ROOM BLOCK AT NOON TODAY!
So after refreshing the MFF Twatter feed page over 800 times in three minutes (my hoof hurts!!!) I used my cunning, feral camelid skills to pounce on the link the moment it opened. I breathlessly entered my information for a double room...put in my credit card information (maxing it out even more than it was already) ....hit "confirm" and....
THE DOUBLE ROOMS WERE SOLD OUT!!!!
Holy mother of unwashed babyfurs....what is this all about!?
So, I quickly smashed my keyboard back down on the desk, and requested a -single- room....which was still showing as available and I could always complain about it to them later.
Click.
Click.
*frantically enter credit card information again, cursing as my inelegant camel-toes make several typos*
Deletedeletedeletedelete
Click.
[confirm room]
SOLD OUT!!!!
Four minutes after the room block opened.... I waited by my computer for 6 hours to be the first to get a room and it sold out in....
four minutes.
I can't believe my eyes! I mean, I know furry cons will do everything that they can to keep the Drama Llamas out, but we almost always find a way to get into the cons. This reeks of conspiracy! They probably paid Hyatt to keep me away, knowing full well no one will give crash space to a Drama Llama if they can possibly avoid it.
So unfair!!! disappointment....looming.........anger..........mounting...........rage.... building.......
Hnnnnrrrrggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!
YOU CAN'T KEEP ME AWAY, MIDWEST FURFEST!
I WILL FIND A WAY TO GET THERE, SOMEHOW, AND YOU WILL PAY DEARLY FOR THIS!!
*stomps off in a yellow, disappointed funk*
I quit the fandom because of Biggest Little Fur Con.
Posted 10 years agoI haven't been around much. Wanna know why?
Of course you don't, but I'm gonna tell you anyway. So there.
I quit the Furry Fandom again. Probably nobody even noticed.
I bet you didn't notice either.
*sighs deeply and kicks a rock*
Here's why I left:
I got a call last spring from my so-called "friend" EmoBurd the Emo Emu that Tyco, the Con-chair for Biggest Little Fur Con was trying to get ahold of me and that it was of dire importance that he speak with me immediately. I thought something was fishy, cuz no one in their right mind goes out of their way to attract the attention of a Drama Llama! But it sounded important so I got his number from the Burd.
I got ahold of Tyco and he told me that he wanted to PERSONALLY INVITE ME to be a Guest of Honor at BLFC 2015!! He said it was because I was so well-known in the furry fandom and it seemed like everyone who goes to BLFC was either a Drama Llama themselves, or knew one personally. I was so excited! Finally, someone who could recognize my all hard work and mediocre achievements! They were offering to treat me like Furry royalty, put me up in front of an (presumably) adoring public and, (most importantly) they were gonna pay my way down there, put me up in a room and wine and dine me on the finest alfalfa!
I couldn't believe my fuzzy, adorable banana-shaped ears. Nothing good EVER happens to me! Most of the time I'm trying my hardest just to not get kicked out of a con, and now someone actually invited me to one! Wow. It was too good to be true!
Literally.
*cue ominous music*
So, I get to Reno, full of excitement and hope that for the first time in my miserable, self loathing existence maybe, just maybe I will actually have a shot at becoming a true PopuFur! And then people would like me and want to invite me to room parties so I could drink for free while I complained to everyone about what a lame room party it was.
So... I stepped off the airplane (my flight landed promptly and I didn't get accidentally rerouted to Alpacastan this time) and took the shuttle to the hotel and we didn't even break down or get in a terrible accident on the freeway or anything. I arrived with my spirits up to "gloomy" from my normal "dismal".
Then I got the first piece of bad news: the staff "kind of forgot" to book my room. So, they offered to put me up on an air mattress underneath the skirting of the Security desk at Con Ops, as it was the only piece of hotel floor that wasn't likely to be sticky by the end of the convention. I was mortified at the thought of having to stare at the hairy legs of the con-ops staff when I went to bed, but consoled myself by reminding myself that it was still in fact a free place to sleep. I complained quite a bit anyway. Drama Llamas can't help that.
Turns out that having to stare at their legs was the least of my problems 'cuz I totally forgot how many furry con security guys like to wear Utili-Kilts. Those things should be banned! Also the chili they served con-staff on Thursday night. I can't even begin to describe...never mind.
Anyway, I found out far too late that the con was being run by some ruthlessly authoritarian (yet enthusiastically happy) ursine named Brometheus Bear, who went by the fond nickname of Biggest Little Brother for some reason. He and his regime had heard of me, and they were bound and determined that I would have fun, no matter what the cost or collateral damage!
So, at Opening Ceremonies, I was just taking a call from my Mama Llama, who was worried about me (she's always worried about me) and all of a sudden I was surrounded by the same black-clad Utili-kilted security furries who were earlier pretending to be my friends! They grabbed me without any warning and frog-marched me off to a dark back room and beat me with hoses and the next thing I know they've grabbed this big, ominous looking black helmet studded with tubes and electrodes and transformers and and glowing wires and dildos and other really unpleasant things and stuck it on my head despite my pitiable begging, wailing and squealing in protest.
Then, all I could see was swirling lights and all I could hear was the voice of Littlest Big Brother in my head, telling me to be happy. happy. happy. happy. happy. happy happy. happy. Happy. happy happyhappyhappyhappyhappppppppp....
I don't remember anything else until I landed back at home. My whole body hurt and my head was aching and my mouth tasted like a baby dragon had used it for a potty stool. And then... I got back to my safe basement lair under Mom's house totally exhausted and turned on my computer to find.....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zp7MkTi6o8
I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO EMBARRASSED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!
Of course you don't, but I'm gonna tell you anyway. So there.
I quit the Furry Fandom again. Probably nobody even noticed.
I bet you didn't notice either.
*sighs deeply and kicks a rock*
Here's why I left:
I got a call last spring from my so-called "friend" EmoBurd the Emo Emu that Tyco, the Con-chair for Biggest Little Fur Con was trying to get ahold of me and that it was of dire importance that he speak with me immediately. I thought something was fishy, cuz no one in their right mind goes out of their way to attract the attention of a Drama Llama! But it sounded important so I got his number from the Burd.
I got ahold of Tyco and he told me that he wanted to PERSONALLY INVITE ME to be a Guest of Honor at BLFC 2015!! He said it was because I was so well-known in the furry fandom and it seemed like everyone who goes to BLFC was either a Drama Llama themselves, or knew one personally. I was so excited! Finally, someone who could recognize my all hard work and mediocre achievements! They were offering to treat me like Furry royalty, put me up in front of an (presumably) adoring public and, (most importantly) they were gonna pay my way down there, put me up in a room and wine and dine me on the finest alfalfa!
I couldn't believe my fuzzy, adorable banana-shaped ears. Nothing good EVER happens to me! Most of the time I'm trying my hardest just to not get kicked out of a con, and now someone actually invited me to one! Wow. It was too good to be true!
Literally.
*cue ominous music*
So, I get to Reno, full of excitement and hope that for the first time in my miserable, self loathing existence maybe, just maybe I will actually have a shot at becoming a true PopuFur! And then people would like me and want to invite me to room parties so I could drink for free while I complained to everyone about what a lame room party it was.
So... I stepped off the airplane (my flight landed promptly and I didn't get accidentally rerouted to Alpacastan this time) and took the shuttle to the hotel and we didn't even break down or get in a terrible accident on the freeway or anything. I arrived with my spirits up to "gloomy" from my normal "dismal".
Then I got the first piece of bad news: the staff "kind of forgot" to book my room. So, they offered to put me up on an air mattress underneath the skirting of the Security desk at Con Ops, as it was the only piece of hotel floor that wasn't likely to be sticky by the end of the convention. I was mortified at the thought of having to stare at the hairy legs of the con-ops staff when I went to bed, but consoled myself by reminding myself that it was still in fact a free place to sleep. I complained quite a bit anyway. Drama Llamas can't help that.
Turns out that having to stare at their legs was the least of my problems 'cuz I totally forgot how many furry con security guys like to wear Utili-Kilts. Those things should be banned! Also the chili they served con-staff on Thursday night. I can't even begin to describe...never mind.
Anyway, I found out far too late that the con was being run by some ruthlessly authoritarian (yet enthusiastically happy) ursine named Brometheus Bear, who went by the fond nickname of Biggest Little Brother for some reason. He and his regime had heard of me, and they were bound and determined that I would have fun, no matter what the cost or collateral damage!
So, at Opening Ceremonies, I was just taking a call from my Mama Llama, who was worried about me (she's always worried about me) and all of a sudden I was surrounded by the same black-clad Utili-kilted security furries who were earlier pretending to be my friends! They grabbed me without any warning and frog-marched me off to a dark back room and beat me with hoses and the next thing I know they've grabbed this big, ominous looking black helmet studded with tubes and electrodes and transformers and and glowing wires and dildos and other really unpleasant things and stuck it on my head despite my pitiable begging, wailing and squealing in protest.
Then, all I could see was swirling lights and all I could hear was the voice of Littlest Big Brother in my head, telling me to be happy. happy. happy. happy. happy. happy happy. happy. Happy. happy happyhappyhappyhappyhappppppppp....
I don't remember anything else until I landed back at home. My whole body hurt and my head was aching and my mouth tasted like a baby dragon had used it for a potty stool. And then... I got back to my safe basement lair under Mom's house totally exhausted and turned on my computer to find.....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zp7MkTi6o8
I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO EMBARRASSED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!
Drama Llama's Bad Advice for the Stupid
Posted 12 years agoI just figured out how I can become more popular! I'm going to start an ADVICE COLUMN where desperate people can write to me, and spew their guts out about the most intimate details of their private lives, only in public! I will then tell them how in my highly opinionated opinion they should behave; what they should be doing with themselves in their spare time, who they should be dating, how to break their DISGUSTING PERSONAL HABITS and all sorts of other things!
Then they will write me letters to thank me for making their small, meaningless lives even more meaningless and shallow! And, someone might even offer me a job providing professional counseling.
Wow! Why didn't I think of this before?!
*Does the Happy Llama Dance, albeit somewhat gloomily*
Okay, it's up to you guys now. All four of my readers. Write in to me and tell me in gruesome detail about some sort of HORRIBLE PERSONAL PROBLEM you have. It can be about your awful relationship with your alcoholic, verbally abusive gun-toting spouse or about your boss that grabs your asscheeks at work even though you are the same gender, or you can even tell me about the embarrassing social disease you picked up at the last furry con!
I will then pretend like I care a whole bunch about your problem and offer heartfelt yet irrelevant advice on how to deal with your entire life based upon a vague 3 minute snapshot! (Hey, does this sound at all like some radio show with a certain irritating female hostess who pretends to be a doctor?).
C'mon folks! Send me your letters!
Then they will write me letters to thank me for making their small, meaningless lives even more meaningless and shallow! And, someone might even offer me a job providing professional counseling.
Wow! Why didn't I think of this before?!
*Does the Happy Llama Dance, albeit somewhat gloomily*
Okay, it's up to you guys now. All four of my readers. Write in to me and tell me in gruesome detail about some sort of HORRIBLE PERSONAL PROBLEM you have. It can be about your awful relationship with your alcoholic, verbally abusive gun-toting spouse or about your boss that grabs your asscheeks at work even though you are the same gender, or you can even tell me about the embarrassing social disease you picked up at the last furry con!
I will then pretend like I care a whole bunch about your problem and offer heartfelt yet irrelevant advice on how to deal with your entire life based upon a vague 3 minute snapshot! (Hey, does this sound at all like some radio show with a certain irritating female hostess who pretends to be a doctor?).
C'mon folks! Send me your letters!
FDA Approves Depressant Drug For The Annoyingly Cheerful
Posted 12 years agoYeah, it's been a long time since I posted to my journal. So what. I've had nothing much to say except the usual complaints (and don't even get me STARTED about RMFC!!). I was actually rather hoping that if I ignored you all long enough, perhaps you would go away and stop bothering me and my FA page. Instead I come back to find out I have somehow acquired even more of your annoying voyeuristic/hedonistic/masochistic watches!
Leave me and my FA page alone! We're trying to have a nice quiet SULK here! But maybe...maybe this will help (although I highly doubt it).
Finally, someone has come up with a medically-approved cure... a cure for all you intolerably happy Furries!!!
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=077_1281735516
Let me know how it works. Maybe it would even help ME on those rare days where the gloom lifts for a minute or so. It's intolerable when that happens.
Now go away and get off my lawn.
Leave me and my FA page alone! We're trying to have a nice quiet SULK here! But maybe...maybe this will help (although I highly doubt it).
Finally, someone has come up with a medically-approved cure... a cure for all you intolerably happy Furries!!!
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=077_1281735516
Let me know how it works. Maybe it would even help ME on those rare days where the gloom lifts for a minute or so. It's intolerable when that happens.
Now go away and get off my lawn.
Midwest Fur Fest Con report- Late again.
Posted 12 years agoYeah, I'm months late on my con report again. You'll just have to deal with it, because Drama Llamas are always so busy keeping up with our (nonexistent) social life, spending time with our (imaginary) friends and begging for handouts on Second Life (which is nearly as glum and depressing as Real Life) that it is very, very DIFFICULT to find time to PROPERLY EXPRESS OUR ANGST.
That being said, let me just sum up Midwest Fur Fest in two words or less:
worst.
con.
NEVER.
That's right. Never. *sigh* I had packed my bags in great anticipation of actually maybe having a tiny bit of fun for once as this time I had a free airline ticket on United (ominous music here) and so my cost to attend was actually within my miniscule budget. Well, I should have chosen any other airline (or simply walked, for that matter), as that was the weekend United's reservations computers all went crazy (running Windows Vista?) and left me stuck in an airport for two days. Which wouldn't have been that bad, except the airport happened to be in Libya. I wondered why the flight took so darn long!
So, there I am, stuck in a foreign airport in a country that just happened to be in the middle of a civil war and I'm thinking to myself "What a great place to experience drama!" except I couldn't leave the airport 'cuz I didn't have a visa! Kind of like that guy who lived in Charles Degaulle airport in France for almost his whole life as he didn't have any papers. Only, he became famous and got free food and a place to stay while I had to eat at the airport McDonalds three meals a day three days in a row as they were the only place that took US debit cards. I will never lose this weight I gained! *whines*.
So, I'm stuck in Libya for four days, and the officials finally let me get on a flight back to the good old, reasonably democratic Uterus of A. Oh, I was so grateful to go home I was crying so hard and I had to blow my nose on my one remaining clean pair of underwear! Good thing I packed a pair!
Only, being a Drama Llama there was of course a complication or two-. They wouldn't let me back in the country 'cuz I didnt have my vaccination record with me. And then....they accused me of being a foreign agent and saboteur from Chile! Only thing is, I'm a domestically-raised Drama Llama so I didn't have Chilean papers, which they kept insisting on seeing and since I had never traveled internationally, I didn't have a passport to prove I was an American citizen!
So, they waterboarded me for a few hours until they were convinced I wasn't much of a threat to national security, and then grudgingly let me board my flight to Chicago. Which got me in at 3:00 Sunday, and by the time I got the shuttle to the con I had just missed Closing Ceremonies! The nerve of those guys!
THEY DIDN'T EVEN POSTPONE THE CON UNTIL I GOT THERE! NOBODY WAITED FOR ME!
That's the least they could have done, was wait for *me*. No con is complete without me!!!!!
But, at least I got to complain about it to everyone as they were walking out of the ballroom doors.
The Fire Alarm going off at 3:00 AM wasn't bad either- lots of DRAMA as sleepy furries were forced out in the parking lot in various states of intoxication and undress.
All for nothing.
That being said, let me just sum up Midwest Fur Fest in two words or less:
worst.
con.
NEVER.
That's right. Never. *sigh* I had packed my bags in great anticipation of actually maybe having a tiny bit of fun for once as this time I had a free airline ticket on United (ominous music here) and so my cost to attend was actually within my miniscule budget. Well, I should have chosen any other airline (or simply walked, for that matter), as that was the weekend United's reservations computers all went crazy (running Windows Vista?) and left me stuck in an airport for two days. Which wouldn't have been that bad, except the airport happened to be in Libya. I wondered why the flight took so darn long!
So, there I am, stuck in a foreign airport in a country that just happened to be in the middle of a civil war and I'm thinking to myself "What a great place to experience drama!" except I couldn't leave the airport 'cuz I didn't have a visa! Kind of like that guy who lived in Charles Degaulle airport in France for almost his whole life as he didn't have any papers. Only, he became famous and got free food and a place to stay while I had to eat at the airport McDonalds three meals a day three days in a row as they were the only place that took US debit cards. I will never lose this weight I gained! *whines*.
So, I'm stuck in Libya for four days, and the officials finally let me get on a flight back to the good old, reasonably democratic Uterus of A. Oh, I was so grateful to go home I was crying so hard and I had to blow my nose on my one remaining clean pair of underwear! Good thing I packed a pair!
Only, being a Drama Llama there was of course a complication or two-. They wouldn't let me back in the country 'cuz I didnt have my vaccination record with me. And then....they accused me of being a foreign agent and saboteur from Chile! Only thing is, I'm a domestically-raised Drama Llama so I didn't have Chilean papers, which they kept insisting on seeing and since I had never traveled internationally, I didn't have a passport to prove I was an American citizen!
So, they waterboarded me for a few hours until they were convinced I wasn't much of a threat to national security, and then grudgingly let me board my flight to Chicago. Which got me in at 3:00 Sunday, and by the time I got the shuttle to the con I had just missed Closing Ceremonies! The nerve of those guys!
THEY DIDN'T EVEN POSTPONE THE CON UNTIL I GOT THERE! NOBODY WAITED FOR ME!
That's the least they could have done, was wait for *me*. No con is complete without me!!!!!
But, at least I got to complain about it to everyone as they were walking out of the ballroom doors.
The Fire Alarm going off at 3:00 AM wasn't bad either- lots of DRAMA as sleepy furries were forced out in the parking lot in various states of intoxication and undress.
All for nothing.
Xmess....again :P
Posted 13 years agoOnce again I have to endure a lonely, miserable Holiday Season. I somehow survived last week's Apocalypse, sure it was my final day on earth and actually pretty excited to contemplate that. At least I wouldn't be around to feel miserable any more! But noooo- yet another false alarm and all the doom-sayers once again proven wrong. (Not that I'm a doomsayer myself, I'm convinced the world could end violently at any minute, but I'm terrible at predicting anything).
Doom.
This Holiday was a total bust.
We had an snowstorm which left the ground very pretty except it pretty much buried everything I needed to get to. Like my car. Which wouldn't start anyway.
I didn't make it home to my family for the weekend either, but that's probably not a bad thing as a house full of inter-related Drama Llamas can only remain peaceful for a maximum of 6 hours. The the fecal material starts to hit the air impeller, as it were, and feelings start getting butt-hurt on all sides.
So I stayed home and frittered away the weekend cleaning up piles of laundry, unwashed dishes and clumps of uneaten hay. No one came over with gifts of goodies, joyous caroling, tasty food morsels and high-power eggnog. No one sent me a Christmas card wishing me cheer, holiday greetings or even a Happy New Year. I did get one beautifully decorated card addressed to "Occupant, or current Occupant" which I guess could describe me since I technically live here, but when I tore the fancy envelope open excitedly all it contained was an invitation to a used car sale!
I've never had a 'happy' New Year. The best one I can remember was 'mildly intolerable'.
*glumps*
I hope you all have a better Holiday than I seem to have had.
Joyous Christnukwaanzukah or whatever it is that people say to each other any more at this time of year.
Meh.
Doom.
This Holiday was a total bust.
We had an snowstorm which left the ground very pretty except it pretty much buried everything I needed to get to. Like my car. Which wouldn't start anyway.
I didn't make it home to my family for the weekend either, but that's probably not a bad thing as a house full of inter-related Drama Llamas can only remain peaceful for a maximum of 6 hours. The the fecal material starts to hit the air impeller, as it were, and feelings start getting butt-hurt on all sides.
So I stayed home and frittered away the weekend cleaning up piles of laundry, unwashed dishes and clumps of uneaten hay. No one came over with gifts of goodies, joyous caroling, tasty food morsels and high-power eggnog. No one sent me a Christmas card wishing me cheer, holiday greetings or even a Happy New Year. I did get one beautifully decorated card addressed to "Occupant, or current Occupant" which I guess could describe me since I technically live here, but when I tore the fancy envelope open excitedly all it contained was an invitation to a used car sale!
I've never had a 'happy' New Year. The best one I can remember was 'mildly intolerable'.
*glumps*
I hope you all have a better Holiday than I seem to have had.
Joyous Christnukwaanzukah or whatever it is that people say to each other any more at this time of year.
Meh.
Drama Llama's FurFright 2012 Con report. Oh, Teh Horrorz!
Posted 13 years ago(and the very worst con yet).
Horrorshow, Horrorshow, me little droogies.
This has to have been the worst Con I have yet attended! Not only was it disturbingly creepy, not only was the weather terrible, but the sheer creativity and innocent delight that all the furries put into torturing me this con elevated it from the merely dreadful to a nearly “perfect storm” (no pun intended) of suffering, dread and woe.
Let's start with the venue:
The Crowne Plaza (a.k.a the Habitrail Hotel) was clearly built in several stages starting in the 17th century and was an unending, confusing warren of hallways, stairwells, blind alleys and bottomless pits, inconvenient to get around at best and utterly confusing to navigate at worst. Drama Llamas are not good with directions and I needed a GPS system just to find my way from the dreary, overfilled and furry-sweat smelling lobby to my dreary, overfilled and furry-sweat smelling room. Unfortunately, since the hotel was built before the turn of the century, my cellphone refused to work anywhere in the complex, rendering it a mazelike labyrinth without even the ability to call or text someone for directions...as if I had anyone to call who would actually answer a Drama Llama! I managed to find my way from the overpriced restaurant to the room exactly once, and it was because I left a trail of stale oyster crackers behind me.
Next, Con Security had been handed off (i.e. outsourced) to an elite group of orange-shirted baboons called the “Dorkai” or something. Apparently this was for several reasons, firstly because they are semi-trained at crowd control and first aid (not to mention Last Rites) and secondly they are apparently quite good at killing zombies, which was actually to come in handy later. It also allowed Con Staff the illusion of plausible deniability so that if anything bad were to occur, they could blame the Dorkai who went about gleefully abusing their authority everywhere, kind of like a geeky, low-budget version of Blackwater Security in Utili-Kilts, only with less firepower and lower standards of dress code. They punished even minor infractions with severe tongue-lashings and occasional kicks to the groin. I got yelled at three times just for standing in front of the hotel hanging out minding my own and everyone else's business! They even had me ejected from the hotel just for innocently grazing on leftover food from the room service trays in the hallway. I have proof! http://www.flickr.com/photos/dmuth/8176757955/
Then there were the Evil, Squeaky Fox Twins. Don't laugh, you know who you are (VIN!). They surrounded me, and totally intruded on my personal space all the while squeaking “We WOVE you Dwama Wamma!” “We WOVE you, Dwama Wamma” “We WOVE you, Dwama Wamma” loudly and incessantly and worse, in stereo! They kept trying to pin in me in a corner and hug me up and would even grab other fursuiters to join in the abuse. I had to flee them more times than I can count and it did bad things to my blood pressure. Everyone was constantly trying to HUG me and TOUCH me and SNUGGLE me, YECCCHHHHH! I got group-glomped several times and it was beyond horrible. http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9223560/ for one example.
Then I found myself in the Fursuit Parade and they stuck me BEHIND THE ZOMBIES who (worst of all) showed no interest in me whatsoever. It was almost as if I had nothing that they wanted!
Speaking of which, another major annoyance was the zombies who seemed to be simply everywhere dribbling blood and internal organs on the carpet and of course were constantly hungering for the flesh of the living. I think that was mostly 'cuz the hotel food was so expensive. The drink was not cheap either and at $10 a shot from a bottle that cost $35 in the liquor store it was less expensive to simply guzzle the hand sanitizer from the rooms even though it left my breath smelling like Bactine.
I did not get drunk this con because everyone was too stingy to give me unrestricted access to their booze and couldn't even scam my way into a room party (is everyone starting to wise up about letting a Drama Llama into their room now?!)
I heard about some kind of Fight Club party but I didn't want to have to get into ANOTHER fight just to get into it 'cuz apparently you had to show proof by having some cuts or bruises or scars or something and Drama Llamas are incredibly allergic to pain.
Oh yeah... naturally after three days with little to no sleep, someone decided it would be a great idea to trigger the FIRE ALARM at 4:00 AM, and emptying the entire population of the hotel into the parking lot in varying states of undress and drunkenness. It was a great opportunity to feed on some first-class drama, however, and I got my first good meal of the con gorging on the negative emotion, resentment and anger of the suddenly-sleep-and-yiff-deprived congoers.
Naturally, furries being furries they even managed to turn this major inconvenience into an early morning parking lot party and this of course led to some kind of weird orgy scene by the hotel loading docks which forced the fire department to turn their hoses on the overly-amorous crowd before another generation of mixed-breed furry offspring was conceived.
Sunday night I also met a fursuiter named Kos the Chimeragoat http://www.furaffinity.net/user/koschimeragoat/ who surprised me very much by being both willing to hang out with me, AND talk to me. No one EVER does that for more than a few minutes but we wandered the con for awhile on Sunday night while he charmed everyone with his wit and handsome good looks with me walking next to him painfully aware of my own clumsiness and lack of grace, tact and social skills... Frankly I am amazed he would even be willing to be seen in the same hotel, let alone walk around next to me for the better part of an hour...he was intelligent and articulate and classy and had an outrageously gorgeous fursuit...and....and....and... I can't believe I am actually complimenting someone!
I must be feeling ill and coming down with con-crud from all the hugs or something...
Then my flight home got canceled due to the stupid hurricane and I had to spend the next three days camping out under a freeway overpass before I could get home. Stupid hurricanes! I can't believe they would cancel air traffic just for a dumb storm that was only the size of Texas.
Post- Megaplex Con report: Teh Yux.
Posted 13 years ago(worst. con. ever.)
Okay, first of all let me say this: I have no idea how I managed to wind up in Orlando in the middle of the hottest summer on record, let alone find myself there during a furry con! I'm not sure what kind of sadistic bastards put a con in SOUTHERN FLORIDA IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FREAKING SUMMER, but if they were trying to kill everyone by drowning them in their own sweat they had a pretty damn good idea. Since this con was organized and featured mostly the puppeterring side of teh fandom this is probably the case:
It's like, a group of puppet-worshipping fursuit haters got together and said to themselves: "Hey guys! We love puppets, but we hate fursuiters, so how can we torture those poor bastards nearly to death while making them *think* they're actually having fun in the process!?
Then one guy chimed in: " I know! Let's have a FURRY CON IN SOUTHERN FLORIDA IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FREAKING SUMMER...and let's host it in a convention center in Orlando WHERE AIR CONDITIONING IS A MYTH, NOT A REALITY! I swear I almost felt sorry for all the fursuiters.. not that I have the slightest trace of sympathy for anyone dumb enough to run around what amounts to a giant foam thermos! That takes a special kind of masochistic tendency all its own.
Anyway, you know it's gonna be bad when the con staff has placed their own fans in the hallways by the registration area and badge check cuz it was hot even walking around in a T-shirt! The entire hotel was sticky humid to begin with and then....and then...then there were the Elevators from Hell- These elevators (which were also the SLOWEST IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE) had NO airconditioning at all! Stepping into one was like stepping from a cigar humidor of the lobby into a sauna that smelled like SOUTHERN FLORIDA IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FREAKING SUMMER... ie. like a brackish swamp filled with rotting vegetation and sweaty alligators. I swear it took 15 minutes just to get from the third floor to the lobby! It was actually far faster to take the stairs, even though they were outside the building and therefore every bit as HOT AND HUMID AS THE ELEVATORS!
Then, (and this is what convinced me this con is truly organized by fursuiting sadists) in a further bid to kill all costumers the evil bastards who organized the con made the Fursuit Parade walk around the pool! *Outside* the hotel around the pool, at noon... in the un-airconditioned-in-full-sunlight swimming pool IN SOUTHERN FLORIDA IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FREAKING SUMMER. I swear I saw at least two suiters actually burst into flames by the time they made it past the diving board.
No one noticed.
Now, a few more things.
I left both my badge and my room key in my room and was nearly asked to leave cuz Con-Staff didnt believe I was part of the convention! I thought everyone knew that Drama Llamas attend every single furry con. One might almost say that no con is complete without at least one Drama Llama in attendance (so why is it that I've never been asked to be a Guest of honor. eh?). I begged and pleaded and whined and whimpered and they finally agreed to let me hang out as long as I stayed out of the events. Speaking of events- there were hardly any! This was a teeny-tiny con and the programming track read something like this:
9:00 Puppet Concept Workshop
10:00 Puppet Building Workshop.
11:00 Puppet Performance Workshop
Noon: Puppet Show
1:00 Puppet Dance
2:00 Puppet Meet and Greet
3:00 Panel: getting in touch with your Inner Puppet
I'm not sure what the whole furry/puppet connection was, but the Funday Pawpet guys seemed to be running the whole con! I didnt even get to see the puppet show cuz I had to leave early on Sunday to go home (I'm not sure why everyone seemed so glad to help me pack and leave).
Other "highlights":
Uncle Kage was there and I'm told he's always good for some drama! So, I followed him around for an hour or two but he pretty much ignored me *whine*. I guess that's because he must have been exposed to too many laboratory chemicals and thought he was simply hallucinating a bright orange and yellow llama or maybe it was because he was bored because he's just used to drama following him around all the time...I mean, I heard about the last con where another Drama Llama followed him around the con and tried to tell him about the Bible and all kinda Jesus things and I guess hotel security had to remove that Drama Llama because he was being overly dramatic and started to make threats and stuff. Rumor has it (and man, you know how much we love rumors!) that the guy was Baker Acted! Lucky him, they took him away and he got to go hang out at a bakery and have unlimited cookies and baklava for a few weeks.
It's never a good idea to make threats unless you intend to back them up and most Drama Llamas are too passive/aggressive to actually do anything about anything other than have a good old fashioned sulk in the corner and/or bitch about it to anyone who is willing to listen. But apparently the other Drama Llama had forgotten to take his medication (or maybe he took too much) and thought Uncle Kage was *really* a giant cockroach in a lab coat or something!
So, anyway, maybe Kage was ignoring me because he felt that if he paid attention to me I would just become a larger presence in his life. That happens when you spend time with a Drama Llama but I wasn't trying to fanboy on him, I promise! I just never get to spend any time hanging out with any of the Popufurs! Well, except Buddy, who is annoyingly cheerful and naive and has way more friends than is probably healthy.
Furry Weekend Atlanta- Post-Con Gripes
Posted 13 years agoDrama Llama's terrible, horrible and not very good Furry Weekend Atlanta.
Worst. Con. Ever.
How can I even begin to describe all the bad things that happened at FWA?! It started with an overbooked flight that I got bumped off of twice and they didn't even compensate me for it 'cuz apparently there is some kind of loophole in the airline regulations where they don't have to pay passengers for missed flights if their necks are over 14” long. At least, that's what they told me.
But, that was AFTER they charged me for an extra bag that was both one pound overweight ($50) and ½” too large (another $50) and the total baggage charges coming and going were almost as much as the ticket itself. I took two pieces of luggage 'cuz I thought I would need the extra room to put all the artwork I bought in. That is, put all the artwork in I was going to buy if I'd had the money to buy it, which I didn't have anymore since they charged me all that money for the extra baggage fees! So, Llama got to pay $250 to ship an empty bag both ways which was probably more than the cost of the suitcase, but I didn't want to lose the bag 'cuz it belonged to my now-deceased Grandma Drama Llama and it had sentimental value to me even though it was covered in a pink rose and carnation floral pattern that most everyone said made me look like a Transylvanian...or, did they call me a transvestite?! I can never remember which is which.... anyway...
Once again the Blue-Shirted Boobies at the airport made me go through a horrible blue-gloved near strip search when I refused to walk into the giant, scary scanner thing. Not only are Drama Llamas terribly worried about radiation and mutated ears and stuff, we also hate anyone looking at our bodies under the giant Electric Naked Ray! So, I asked for a manual search which they were clearly not happy about. I wasn't happy about it either but if I wanted to go to FWA there was only one way they would let me on the plane I.C.K.Y.! Not even the fact that I hadn't had a shower that day (and now that I think about it maybe not the day before too) put them off their evil little mission to fondle my Little Llamas! The hairy-armed guy performing the search even gave me an 'accidental' karate-chop in the groin and seemed pleased at my embarrassment and discomfort.
Seems that only Furries want to put their paws all over me and that is for reasons I cannot even begin to think about.
Anyway, then TSA took away the little screwdriver I use to clean my cute little toenails but totally missed the bottle of water, nailclippers, chainsaw, welding torch, fireworks and lead-acid batteries I had stashed in my carry-on. Go figure.
I got to the con eventually and then discovered I had left Gramma Llama's bag on the luggage carousel by accident when I was distracted by some missionaries asking for money to cure world hunger or something but I was trying to tell them I was hungry myself and only had enough money to buy Ramen noodles to make in the coffeemaker in the room but I don't think they believed me.
They had to send the bag to the hotel room I was staying in. Trouble is, I lost the phone number of the guy I was supposed to be staying with, didn't know his Real Life name or what he looked like or even when he was supposed to get to the hotel, so I had to ask them to deliver the bag to the stairwell I would be spending the remainder of the weekend sleeping under (again). Naturally I found the number when I got home- folded up inside Gramma Llama's bag.
Then it got really bad. I couldn't register for the con because I had been lost in the system even tho I had totally pre-registered and so I had to go back in and try to remember all the data I made up for registration like my date of birth and credit card numbers. The line was long and terrible and boring and everyone behind me got mad that it was taking me so long to log in and then I couldn't decide what badge name to use and my top five picks were already taken!
I finally got my con badge and my name was misspelled and they wouldn't give me another one on account of that it took me too long to register the first time and the line was already delayed by 20 minutes, so I got to spend the rest of the con being addressed as LJ Flex. That is, the few times anyone bothered to talk to me. Most everyone ignores me once I try to introduce myself...unless it's Con Staff, in which case I'm usually getting yelled at for some infraction like spending the night on the lobby sofa.
So, I endured the rest of the con mostly being bored, lonely and anxious. I couldn't buy anything in the art show or the dealer room after paying for all my excess baggage fees. The few panels I went to were dull and I noticed the room tended to empty out quickly once I showed up, although the Furry Discipline panel was very lively. I thought the purpose of the panel was to learn how to be more self-disciplined (which I would grudgingly admit to not being very good at) and then found out what it was REALLY about when until they asked for demonstration volunteers. I didn't even volunteer but was selected by the group to volunteer for the position which was really exciting! I got selected to volunteer! No one has ever asked me to volunteer for anything before! Yayyyyy!
Then I found out it was an exhibition on proper flogging techniques! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
At the end, no one even asked if I had any questions. I couldn't sit down comfortably for a week afterwards.
I went to one of the dances- the music was too loud and the lights made me dizzy. I can't dance anyway; Drama Llamas have two left hooves and no sense of rhythm. No one asked me to dance.
Not a single person. I couldn't make out the lyrics to any of the songs either, they all just seemed to be about ooontz ooontz ooontz.
I left the dance and heard a rumor floating around about some kind of furry flash mob! There was an Anime con a couple blocks from FWA called MoJo Con or something and the plan was, apparently, to get as many furries togther as we could to invade the Anime event. There were about 1800 furries at FWA and over 8,000 Anime fans next door, so we were only outnumbered 4:1. Just goes to show you that furries are so non-mainstream even we get beaten out by Japanese animation-loving high school kids every time! Even tho they dress even weirder than we do! What is it with all the giant props anyway?! Giant swords, enormous guns, huge death-rays... I think they're just compensating for something!
Anyway, I heard some rumors about the march, which was supposed to start at 9:00 in the evening, but the person who told me about it said the march was supposed to start at the BACK of the hotel, so I wasted an hour hanging out by the delivery door dumpsters and waiting for the crowd to show up, but they never did since everyone met at the FRONT- and I think they deliberately lied to me to keep me out of the march! I spent the time waiting by talking to the dumpster rats but eventually they asked me to leave 'cuz I smelled too bad.
Apparently the Flash Mob was a raging success as it got the whole MoJo Con hotel locked down by the police and lots of people got yelled at- REAL DRAMA! AND I TOTALLY MISSED IT! Waaahhhhhhh! Why am I never in the right place at the right time?!?
That last night of FWA I went to a dead-dog party in one of the executive suites. Well, more like scammed my way into one by barging in with a group of other half-hammered furries, 'cuz no one answered the door when* I* knocked! No wonder they call it a dead dog, the room smelled like an pickled schnauzer and I got cheap beer spilled all over my soft, glossy fur! It was one of the wildest parties I have ever been to- was still going strong at 5:00 AM even though they ran out of booze and were starting to drink the hand sanitizer. I have never seen so many drunken furries in my life! I wound up drinking way too much hand sanitizer, then got sick and threw up in the hottub. I woke up half dressed, deathly hungover and curled in a maid's cart in the hotel laundry facility.
On the bright side, I had clean sheets for the first time since I got to the con...
On the way home I missed my flight cuz I got on the wrong MARTA shuttle and wound up at the bus depot instead of the airport with the winos, homeless people, derelicts and the guy I was supposed to be rooming with. I finally caught a ride back to the airport with a family of Bolivian immigrants who were having a family reunion and mistook me for one of their distant relatives. The flight back was as miserable as you would expect and now I have nothing to complain about until I go to AnthroCon again in a few weeks.
Well, less to complain about, anyway.
Worst. Con. Ever.
How can I even begin to describe all the bad things that happened at FWA?! It started with an overbooked flight that I got bumped off of twice and they didn't even compensate me for it 'cuz apparently there is some kind of loophole in the airline regulations where they don't have to pay passengers for missed flights if their necks are over 14” long. At least, that's what they told me.
But, that was AFTER they charged me for an extra bag that was both one pound overweight ($50) and ½” too large (another $50) and the total baggage charges coming and going were almost as much as the ticket itself. I took two pieces of luggage 'cuz I thought I would need the extra room to put all the artwork I bought in. That is, put all the artwork in I was going to buy if I'd had the money to buy it, which I didn't have anymore since they charged me all that money for the extra baggage fees! So, Llama got to pay $250 to ship an empty bag both ways which was probably more than the cost of the suitcase, but I didn't want to lose the bag 'cuz it belonged to my now-deceased Grandma Drama Llama and it had sentimental value to me even though it was covered in a pink rose and carnation floral pattern that most everyone said made me look like a Transylvanian...or, did they call me a transvestite?! I can never remember which is which.... anyway...
Once again the Blue-Shirted Boobies at the airport made me go through a horrible blue-gloved near strip search when I refused to walk into the giant, scary scanner thing. Not only are Drama Llamas terribly worried about radiation and mutated ears and stuff, we also hate anyone looking at our bodies under the giant Electric Naked Ray! So, I asked for a manual search which they were clearly not happy about. I wasn't happy about it either but if I wanted to go to FWA there was only one way they would let me on the plane I.C.K.Y.! Not even the fact that I hadn't had a shower that day (and now that I think about it maybe not the day before too) put them off their evil little mission to fondle my Little Llamas! The hairy-armed guy performing the search even gave me an 'accidental' karate-chop in the groin and seemed pleased at my embarrassment and discomfort.
Seems that only Furries want to put their paws all over me and that is for reasons I cannot even begin to think about.
Anyway, then TSA took away the little screwdriver I use to clean my cute little toenails but totally missed the bottle of water, nailclippers, chainsaw, welding torch, fireworks and lead-acid batteries I had stashed in my carry-on. Go figure.
I got to the con eventually and then discovered I had left Gramma Llama's bag on the luggage carousel by accident when I was distracted by some missionaries asking for money to cure world hunger or something but I was trying to tell them I was hungry myself and only had enough money to buy Ramen noodles to make in the coffeemaker in the room but I don't think they believed me.
They had to send the bag to the hotel room I was staying in. Trouble is, I lost the phone number of the guy I was supposed to be staying with, didn't know his Real Life name or what he looked like or even when he was supposed to get to the hotel, so I had to ask them to deliver the bag to the stairwell I would be spending the remainder of the weekend sleeping under (again). Naturally I found the number when I got home- folded up inside Gramma Llama's bag.
Then it got really bad. I couldn't register for the con because I had been lost in the system even tho I had totally pre-registered and so I had to go back in and try to remember all the data I made up for registration like my date of birth and credit card numbers. The line was long and terrible and boring and everyone behind me got mad that it was taking me so long to log in and then I couldn't decide what badge name to use and my top five picks were already taken!
I finally got my con badge and my name was misspelled and they wouldn't give me another one on account of that it took me too long to register the first time and the line was already delayed by 20 minutes, so I got to spend the rest of the con being addressed as LJ Flex. That is, the few times anyone bothered to talk to me. Most everyone ignores me once I try to introduce myself...unless it's Con Staff, in which case I'm usually getting yelled at for some infraction like spending the night on the lobby sofa.
So, I endured the rest of the con mostly being bored, lonely and anxious. I couldn't buy anything in the art show or the dealer room after paying for all my excess baggage fees. The few panels I went to were dull and I noticed the room tended to empty out quickly once I showed up, although the Furry Discipline panel was very lively. I thought the purpose of the panel was to learn how to be more self-disciplined (which I would grudgingly admit to not being very good at) and then found out what it was REALLY about when until they asked for demonstration volunteers. I didn't even volunteer but was selected by the group to volunteer for the position which was really exciting! I got selected to volunteer! No one has ever asked me to volunteer for anything before! Yayyyyy!
Then I found out it was an exhibition on proper flogging techniques! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
At the end, no one even asked if I had any questions. I couldn't sit down comfortably for a week afterwards.
I went to one of the dances- the music was too loud and the lights made me dizzy. I can't dance anyway; Drama Llamas have two left hooves and no sense of rhythm. No one asked me to dance.
Not a single person. I couldn't make out the lyrics to any of the songs either, they all just seemed to be about ooontz ooontz ooontz.
I left the dance and heard a rumor floating around about some kind of furry flash mob! There was an Anime con a couple blocks from FWA called MoJo Con or something and the plan was, apparently, to get as many furries togther as we could to invade the Anime event. There were about 1800 furries at FWA and over 8,000 Anime fans next door, so we were only outnumbered 4:1. Just goes to show you that furries are so non-mainstream even we get beaten out by Japanese animation-loving high school kids every time! Even tho they dress even weirder than we do! What is it with all the giant props anyway?! Giant swords, enormous guns, huge death-rays... I think they're just compensating for something!
Anyway, I heard some rumors about the march, which was supposed to start at 9:00 in the evening, but the person who told me about it said the march was supposed to start at the BACK of the hotel, so I wasted an hour hanging out by the delivery door dumpsters and waiting for the crowd to show up, but they never did since everyone met at the FRONT- and I think they deliberately lied to me to keep me out of the march! I spent the time waiting by talking to the dumpster rats but eventually they asked me to leave 'cuz I smelled too bad.
Apparently the Flash Mob was a raging success as it got the whole MoJo Con hotel locked down by the police and lots of people got yelled at- REAL DRAMA! AND I TOTALLY MISSED IT! Waaahhhhhhh! Why am I never in the right place at the right time?!?
That last night of FWA I went to a dead-dog party in one of the executive suites. Well, more like scammed my way into one by barging in with a group of other half-hammered furries, 'cuz no one answered the door when* I* knocked! No wonder they call it a dead dog, the room smelled like an pickled schnauzer and I got cheap beer spilled all over my soft, glossy fur! It was one of the wildest parties I have ever been to- was still going strong at 5:00 AM even though they ran out of booze and were starting to drink the hand sanitizer. I have never seen so many drunken furries in my life! I wound up drinking way too much hand sanitizer, then got sick and threw up in the hottub. I woke up half dressed, deathly hungover and curled in a maid's cart in the hotel laundry facility.
On the bright side, I had clean sheets for the first time since I got to the con...
On the way home I missed my flight cuz I got on the wrong MARTA shuttle and wound up at the bus depot instead of the airport with the winos, homeless people, derelicts and the guy I was supposed to be rooming with. I finally caught a ride back to the airport with a family of Bolivian immigrants who were having a family reunion and mistook me for one of their distant relatives. The flight back was as miserable as you would expect and now I have nothing to complain about until I go to AnthroCon again in a few weeks.
Well, less to complain about, anyway.
AnthroCon Post-Con Report
Posted 14 years agoDrama Llama's Anthrocon Con Report:
Worst. Con. EVER! I really mean it this time- never have I been so HUMILIATED!
I was totally forced to do unspeakable things, but more on that later.
First, let's talk about the trip- I had some air-miles left on an old credit card that were due to expire which I was not about to let happen since I had accumulated for them years by purchasing everything from groceries to utility bills to furry art on the card and even though I never really got around to paying it off (how long does it take to pay off a $4,000 credit card bill if you make the minimum payments anyway?) I had barely enough miles on it to buy a worst-class ticket to Pittsburgh which if I didn't use I was going to lose, which was intolerable.
So, right about the time I found out I needed to use up my miles I got an invitation from an old 'friend' to come to the con, with a promise there would be a shared accommodation waiting for me. So, I cashed in all my miles and, throwing caution to the wind and most of everything I own into a dufflebag got on the flight. Well, TRIED to get on the flight. The first problem came as I was checking my baggage! The ticket agent said it was too big to carry on and they were going to charge me an extra $100 just to check it through one-way! I had never heard of such a thing and tried my best to convince her that it was small enough by using every trick I could think of including suggesting that their tape-measure was out of alignment.
At first I was being very polite and keeping the whining to a minimum but by the end was using my very best outdoor voice and having a borderline tantrum which was drawing stares from the other passengers who were standing in line behind me trying to check in. We finally 'compromised' by me going back outside, taking everything out of my dufflebag and replacing what I could into another bag that would fit into the overhead compartment- this amounted to a toothbrush, a couple toiletry items, some spare socks and underwear, all of which had to fit in a small, tin lunchbox, which I was told was the largest carryon that would fit into the regional jet without me being charged excess baggage fees.
Then, at the Security desk they made me throw out my toothpaste and the hair gel I use to keep my wonderful glossy pelt smooth, unmatted and shiny anyway since I forgot to put them in their dumb little baggie.
They also insisted on performing a full-body patdown which was horrible since Drama Llamas dread physical contact (more on this later). They put their icky blue-gloved hands everywhere on me looking for who knows what and made me feel like I was a terrorist despite the fact that everyone knows Drama Llamas are about as threatening as a can of spray-cheese. I managed to keep my voice down and not argue with them as they threatened me with a cavity search if I wasn't 'cooperative' with their 'enhanced pat-down'.
After my flight was delayed twice, canceled once and then re-routed through Alaska I finally got to Pittsburgh 17 hours later with a very sore neck to find they had lost my bag! I had very little money but managed to find a group of furries who were all taking a cab to the Westin and ducked into the trunk when no one was looking by pretending to be a large, brightly colored and slightly lumpy fursuit.
We only spent two hours in traffic getting to the hotel and then oh my gawd I have never seen so many furries in one place in my life! Everyone was carrying on and running around and having fun-HOW DEPRESSING.
.
I won't talk much more about the actual con except to say that my “shared luxury accommodations” consisted of sharing a dirty mattress in the back of a pickup truck parked at the hotel parking ramp!
Enough said about that, at least it was cheap.
I got harassed, picked on and generally abused every time I wandered around the con! Everyone kept wanting to to to cheer me up and give me hugs and would absolutely not respect my personal space! Even when I told them that Drama Llamas are allergic to hugs and close physical contact in general. We break out in hives! No one cared!
Someone very inconsiderate was walking around spraying some kind of scent that smelled like Big Red cinnamon chewing gum (only worse) all over everything and I don't think I'm ever going to get the smell out of my beautiful curly fur now.
And, what was worst was that on the last night of the con I ran into that silly, overly-happy Buddy Puppy who is turning into the bane of my lonely existence! He grabbed me by the hoof and started dragging me around the con, insisting that I have 'fun' and making it even more difficult for me to maintain a low profile.
And then, Horror of Horrors! He took me up the dance level and there was this big stack of fursuiters laying on the floor and he insisted that I join the pile! I protested vehemently and the next thing I know a bunch of those deranged animal-wannabees grabbed me and shoved me headfirst into the pile while yelling “Llama! Llama! Llama! ” like fluffy, unshaven cannibal pygmy tribesmen. Next thing I know I have furries surrounding me, furries petting me, furries sitting and laying on me and their sweaty, furry paws groping me in places I cannot even describe in public! I was totally TRAUMATIZED! My worst nightmares brought to life! No one would even listen to my shouts of BAD TOUCH and they kept touching me and rubbing on me like some kind of Discovery Channel crazed animal rut video and absolutely sullied my nice clean virgin wool. I finally managed to push myself out of the pile by claiming I had an emergency restroom problem and shakily made my escape back to the soiled truck bed.
I managed to fly home the next day despite nearly missing my flight cuz I couldn't figure out how to set the stupid alarm clock and set it for 5:00 PM instead of AM. Had another 'enhanced' pat-down on the way back (I guess I'm just lucky that way) and this time they confiscated my dirty underwear claiming it was Biohazardous material and that it was unsafe to let me board with them!
Worst. Con. EVER! I really mean it this time- never have I been so HUMILIATED!
I was totally forced to do unspeakable things, but more on that later.
First, let's talk about the trip- I had some air-miles left on an old credit card that were due to expire which I was not about to let happen since I had accumulated for them years by purchasing everything from groceries to utility bills to furry art on the card and even though I never really got around to paying it off (how long does it take to pay off a $4,000 credit card bill if you make the minimum payments anyway?) I had barely enough miles on it to buy a worst-class ticket to Pittsburgh which if I didn't use I was going to lose, which was intolerable.
So, right about the time I found out I needed to use up my miles I got an invitation from an old 'friend' to come to the con, with a promise there would be a shared accommodation waiting for me. So, I cashed in all my miles and, throwing caution to the wind and most of everything I own into a dufflebag got on the flight. Well, TRIED to get on the flight. The first problem came as I was checking my baggage! The ticket agent said it was too big to carry on and they were going to charge me an extra $100 just to check it through one-way! I had never heard of such a thing and tried my best to convince her that it was small enough by using every trick I could think of including suggesting that their tape-measure was out of alignment.
At first I was being very polite and keeping the whining to a minimum but by the end was using my very best outdoor voice and having a borderline tantrum which was drawing stares from the other passengers who were standing in line behind me trying to check in. We finally 'compromised' by me going back outside, taking everything out of my dufflebag and replacing what I could into another bag that would fit into the overhead compartment- this amounted to a toothbrush, a couple toiletry items, some spare socks and underwear, all of which had to fit in a small, tin lunchbox, which I was told was the largest carryon that would fit into the regional jet without me being charged excess baggage fees.
Then, at the Security desk they made me throw out my toothpaste and the hair gel I use to keep my wonderful glossy pelt smooth, unmatted and shiny anyway since I forgot to put them in their dumb little baggie.
They also insisted on performing a full-body patdown which was horrible since Drama Llamas dread physical contact (more on this later). They put their icky blue-gloved hands everywhere on me looking for who knows what and made me feel like I was a terrorist despite the fact that everyone knows Drama Llamas are about as threatening as a can of spray-cheese. I managed to keep my voice down and not argue with them as they threatened me with a cavity search if I wasn't 'cooperative' with their 'enhanced pat-down'.
After my flight was delayed twice, canceled once and then re-routed through Alaska I finally got to Pittsburgh 17 hours later with a very sore neck to find they had lost my bag! I had very little money but managed to find a group of furries who were all taking a cab to the Westin and ducked into the trunk when no one was looking by pretending to be a large, brightly colored and slightly lumpy fursuit.
We only spent two hours in traffic getting to the hotel and then oh my gawd I have never seen so many furries in one place in my life! Everyone was carrying on and running around and having fun-HOW DEPRESSING.
.
I won't talk much more about the actual con except to say that my “shared luxury accommodations” consisted of sharing a dirty mattress in the back of a pickup truck parked at the hotel parking ramp!
Enough said about that, at least it was cheap.
I got harassed, picked on and generally abused every time I wandered around the con! Everyone kept wanting to to to cheer me up and give me hugs and would absolutely not respect my personal space! Even when I told them that Drama Llamas are allergic to hugs and close physical contact in general. We break out in hives! No one cared!
Someone very inconsiderate was walking around spraying some kind of scent that smelled like Big Red cinnamon chewing gum (only worse) all over everything and I don't think I'm ever going to get the smell out of my beautiful curly fur now.
And, what was worst was that on the last night of the con I ran into that silly, overly-happy Buddy Puppy who is turning into the bane of my lonely existence! He grabbed me by the hoof and started dragging me around the con, insisting that I have 'fun' and making it even more difficult for me to maintain a low profile.
And then, Horror of Horrors! He took me up the dance level and there was this big stack of fursuiters laying on the floor and he insisted that I join the pile! I protested vehemently and the next thing I know a bunch of those deranged animal-wannabees grabbed me and shoved me headfirst into the pile while yelling “Llama! Llama! Llama! ” like fluffy, unshaven cannibal pygmy tribesmen. Next thing I know I have furries surrounding me, furries petting me, furries sitting and laying on me and their sweaty, furry paws groping me in places I cannot even describe in public! I was totally TRAUMATIZED! My worst nightmares brought to life! No one would even listen to my shouts of BAD TOUCH and they kept touching me and rubbing on me like some kind of Discovery Channel crazed animal rut video and absolutely sullied my nice clean virgin wool. I finally managed to push myself out of the pile by claiming I had an emergency restroom problem and shakily made my escape back to the soiled truck bed.
I managed to fly home the next day despite nearly missing my flight cuz I couldn't figure out how to set the stupid alarm clock and set it for 5:00 PM instead of AM. Had another 'enhanced' pat-down on the way back (I guess I'm just lucky that way) and this time they confiscated my dirty underwear claiming it was Biohazardous material and that it was unsafe to let me board with them!
LLAMA ANGRY!!!
Posted 14 years agoNO WAY TO HOTLINK PICS FROM OTHER WEBSITES TO FA JOURNALZ!!! WHAT KIND OF NONSENSE IS THIS! I CANNOT COMPLAIN MY ABSOUTE BEST WITHOUT A WAY TO HOTLINK PICS TO MY JOURNAL!
LLAMA ANGRY!!!
LLAMA SMASH!!
http://images.icanhascheezburger.co.....3992012460.jpg
LLAMA ANGRY!!!
LLAMA SMASH!!
http://images.icanhascheezburger.co.....3992012460.jpg
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Posted 14 years agoEveryone on LiveJournal hates me!
Posted 14 years agoEver since I opened a LiveJournal account ljplex.livejournal.com I have noticed that people are steadily LEAVING LJ and I think it's because they all hate me! They are all jealous of my posts and as such have been consistently fleeing LJ pretty much since the day I got on there! Pretty soon I'll be all alone which suits me just fine 'cuz I hate it when people watch me sulk!
There is only one thing left to do.
Move my Journal to FurAffinity! 'cuz no one will ever willingly leave here and I can see that there are plenty of other Drama Llamas here already so I'll at least have some company! (because you all know what misery loves, right?)
There is only one thing left to do.
Move my Journal to FurAffinity! 'cuz no one will ever willingly leave here and I can see that there are plenty of other Drama Llamas here already so I'll at least have some company! (because you all know what misery loves, right?)
