Look, I try my best to stay out of politics, but I feel like I need to get something off my chest.

Between the child safety bills, payment processers denying erotic content, current economic issues, and the current political state of the US (my home unfortunately), I've been too stressed to work on anything.

I'm at the point where I don't even want to sit down and do the stuff I like because I feel drained to even attempt any of it. I just don't feel capable of writing stories I once did, especially not with my mind going to the drastically worst places whenever I try. I want to do better and improve, but I'm lacking the focus and motivation to even try at this stage.

So please, don't expect anything special from me October 5th. I don't think I'll be capable of making a birthday story this year.

I just wish I could have done better for everyone who put their faith and attention into my works, and to my friends who I'm struggling to be the emotional piller for.

I'm not deleting my FA, hell needs to drain the ocean before that happens, but don't expect new stories from me, at least not at the rate I once did years ago. I know I shouldn't feel guilty about this, but I also know I'm not doing the best mentally . . .

I don't really know how to end this, so I'll just give the few of you reading this a fish. 🐟

I do owe some explanation.

Usually, I write an update on Valentine's day, my writing anniversary, but, I didn't.

It's no secret to anyone things are awful right now, especially in the US, and it's been getting to me, badly. My last message wasn't great, and I can't say anything has changed. Tried playing games with friends, but my PC has a graphics card that crashes. I tried playing and even running some table top games, but it's been a more frustrating than rewarding experience. I've tried to do some writing, even some art, but it hasn't really been working out at all.

Plus, because of all the political nonsense happening, I've been unable to do anything but see constant political bombardments that have thoroughly soured my mood and attitude. I'm under no illusion that I'm in a better position than my friends given how "white toast" I am, but I still care about my friends. LGBT+, friends who I feel terrible about because they're going through the same thing, that I have to be a helpful and supportive person through all of this, and I feel like I'm cracking under the weight of my own expectations.

I'm not in danger, I'm not threatened, nothing like that just . . .

I feel too drained to do anything lately. Makes me hate myself, leads to me demoralizing myself, gets into my head, and makes me not want to work on anything anymore. I think it'll be a long time before I'm able to write again, if I ever will write again.

I'm trying, but I don't think I'm enough anymore.

Bad, down hill, the swimming pool is on fire, and the stress is pulling my mind and body in two.



Right, specifics . . .



After having intense tooth pain, I was told that I needed to have all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed in 1 go . . . but there was a problem with my ID. Basically, I needed to go through the DMV to fix a stupid problem that took several visits and a month to correct.

During that time, my uncle passed away down in Florida. There was a celebration of life and my father decided to drive all the way down there . . . for reference, we live in Massachusetts, so that's about a 20 hour ride one way.

Right before that trip however, my credit card got cancelled for suspicious activity. No one knows exactly what caused that, and my best guess was getting a steam game about defusing bombs, but either way, I was going into Florida with no money on me because of that.

And as for the "sunshine state" itself . . . well . . . the devil went down to Georgia, and I can only infer that Georgia is below hell and the devil didn't want to go deeper.

We got to the hotel and the bottom door cover was missing, the blanket with the bed was covered in what I assume to be cigarette burn holes, and the toilet was so low it was painful to sit on. Also, the hotel used these automatic card readers, but the system kept locking me and my father out so we kept having to go to the front office just to enter our room.

As for the trip itself . . . pain.

Don't get me wrong, there were some good things, but mostly just pain in different flavors. Because Massachusetts is really bad in the "retro" gaming market, I wanted to get some earlier console games. Mostly for the 360. However, because I didn't have any money, I had to ask my father to pay for these games and basically just handed him an I.O.U. over it. Also got a new controller that didn't work at all, so I'm stuck with my old controller with massive drifting issues till I can get a new one of amazon or something.

We went to the sponge docks, a small-ish shopping district of small wonders and curiosities. Unfortunately, the state that's an ott damn peninsula didn't have anything otter related. We went to several stores and none of them had anything otter related. No shirts, no signs, nothing. We got lucky to find a single place that sold these mini otter figurines, but for 2 weeks that's all we found.

We did get to go to a small aquarium, that was nice. Still no otters, but it was pretty interesting to see. Mostly outdoors, partially a zoo as well, you could pet sting rays and sharks, arguably the best thing about that trip.

Back to the pain, the restaurant my parents got married at was turned into a car themed place, same with this smaller pizza place we loved only it became a spaghetti place instead. So for those 2 weeks, we didn't have any particular place to go, so we went multiple places. Sounded fun on paper, but only going to restaurants for food to eat for a few weeks isn't the best thing for your internal organs . . . well keeping them internal anyways.

During the celebration, my father was told he wasn't invited to the after party that took place at someone else's home for petty reasons more or less. So we only got half the time to see family as my father wanted, likely even less.

He also wanted to do things with me, something I honestly do love and appreciate even while I'm an adult. However, I'm not the most stable otter on a good day, as I'm easily overwhelmed by just smells and what not. So whenever he wanted to go to the beach, he wouldn't just say "do you want to go to the beach?" but would also rattle off a bunch of things to do at the beach, like sunbathing, swimming, and what beach to go to . . . all before I could even say a word. Than he'd move on to other suggestions in the same manner. It made every question exponentially draining mentally and I'd be hit with indecisiveness to the point I felt ill just trying to pick a place for dinner.

While not as flashy, there was also the hair cut I got, where I wanted my hair cut shoulder length, and the woman doing my hair took way too much off, now I'm left with this really short hair that just doesn't fit me at all. As well as this sunburn I got after 15 minutes of putting my arm out the window, that I still have after the 2 day road trip coming back home.

After getting home and hoping I could just rest, my phone bricked itself a few days later, so I had to ask my dad for another 300 dollars to get a functional device. He doesn't really care about that since it's not something I could really control and phones are a necessity these days. That doesn't take away from how guilty I feel right now for costing him so much while I barely make anything to pay him back.

I mention all this because October is coming up soon, and I don't think I'll do anything for it. No Halloween stories, no Ott-ober shinanagons, and probably nothing for my birthday either on the 5th. I'll probably just go radio silent for a while like usual.

Also, in terms of the FA stuff going on, I got no back up plans. If FA sinks, I don't have anywhere else to go really, all my stories are posted here, and I don't know where to even start looking for new places. So yeah, not great no matter how you cut it.

I feel tired, my head aches, and I don't feel up to story writing. Sorry if I'm being a downer to the very few of you who read these.

Bit of an update . . . things haven't improved on the writing front.

A few weeks ago I was told I needed to get all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed, and had to meet with the oral surgeon who would be doing this. Unfortunately, this hasn't eased my fears and the process will be happening on the 25th.

On top of this, my mother has decided to move in to the building my father and I live in, forcing me to help with the work in exchange for food. During this time I've had negative interactions with my mother, creating further emotional distress.

I'm not giving up writing, just being forced to pause almost everything. The stress is taking a deep toll, and at one point writing about 500 words for a story resulted in me falling asleep for multiple hours at around noon.

I have stuff in the works, but the mental gears are grinding and it doesn't sound pretty unfortunately.

Hayo everyone.

It's going to be a while before I post a story again.

About a week ago I started having oral pain, and I've gotten the Xray for my jaw. I'll live, but it's not looking great for me right now.

Between the pain, the pain killers, and the awful situation as a whole, I've been left in a negative emotional state.

I don't have the energy or mood to write anything, I don't feel up to caring about writing, and I don't feel encouraged to improve what I write either. I've been writing for over 3 years now, and I feel like I've been going down hill this whole time.

I've tried to do the best I can, with mistakes sure, but I thought I could have at least been happy that I've tried. But I don't feel that, I don't feel like most people want to see what I write. That I'd be better off keeping these story idea to myself.

I'm probably not in a good head space to make long standing decisions about my writing. All I really know is I don't think I'll have a story posted any time soon. So if you want to see something new from me, it's going to be a while.

Hayo everyone.

Lately, I've been struggling to motivate myself to write and do things for others, so I want to ask, what do you want to see more of?

Cause I can write a lot, but I want to write stuff that gets you people invested, stuff that you'll favorite and comment on in the hopes it'll motivate me to write more stuff in general.

I got a whole year to write ideas or suggestions, just need to hear them!

Hayo everyone.

Been a while since I've made an update like this so I'm a bit sorry for that. Life has decided it needs a body of water to boil, and . . .

Gestures roughly to the ocean that's set on fire behind me.

. . . I need some time to move to a new place while everything is going on. I was joking about the burning ocean, not the fact I now have to move do to a number of reasons.

Because of this, all my focus will be on moving and acclamation for the next month, maybe 2. Anything I write in this time is very unlikely to be posted to FA. So if you like my stories, sorry about the inconvenience.

I want to at least do something though, so first I'll mention my birthday is in a month. October 5th. I've seen and heard about a lot of people feeling iffy about writing or drawing other's characters, so call this my consent. I would love to see birthday gifts, but I know and understand it's not reasonable, let alone pheasable for most people. If you can't do anything, please don't feel bad.

The second thing I want to announce is my idea for Halloween, "Insperween". Insperween is a small challenge I'm hosting, where you can make whatever erotic art or story you want, with the catch it must be inspired by an already existing piece of horror in some lewd way. You can't just write about werewolves, but if you know a werewolf story already, you can adapt it for this challenge. Sources can be anything: shows, movies, folk tales, videogames, whatever. If it's been done before, you can do it again for this challenge.


Rules:

You can only submit 1 thing at a time. If you do multiple, only the first will be counted. If you want to make a short comic series, I ask you submit all pages within 24 hours of each other.

If on FA, please use the tag "Insperween" so I can easily look over submissions. If on "Twitter/X", please submit the story or a link to it on the post I will have made about it. If on discord, I will have a channel for "Insperween" posts.

The winner or the art, and the winner of the writing, will each receive the best thing I can currently offer over the interernet:

"An IOU for a free story from me. I will do my best to treat it as a commission from the winner, and will work with them to the best of my abilities to write it. I can't promise I'll do anything, but I can promise I will try to do everything within my comfort zone."

Submission time starts when this post goes up, and ends after Halloween. (May be open for a few hours later, since timezones aren't uniform).

Submissions must also mention their source, as it may not be clear to everyone where the inspiration came from. Anything writen/drawn with A.I. will be disqualified. I don't care if you use it, but I don't want to spend my later time working on something the user didn't put time in working on. A.I. aid will be allowed however, since the person still did genuine work to correct stuff.

Finally, stories or art will be ranked on a few categories as mentioned below. Each category gives between 1-10 points, with each point being worth 2/100, with 100 being a perfect score.

Inspiration:
The name sake of the whole thing, and a sort of bell curve. 1 can be blatant forgery, as much as it can be it's entirely own thing. Reposts get a 5 at best here. 10 is when the piece has clear inspiration but does something special with it as well.

Source material:
While I am ranking this, I plan on being very generous. This part is for the obscurity. Anyone can can make a piece of the new resident evil remake, and I won't give lower than a 5. However, if you're inspired by a poorly known local story, an indi game no one knows, straight to DvD movie, whatever, it gets a 10. The quality of the source doesn't matter, the obscurity does.

Accessibility:
This is a broad point category that covers spelling, visual organization, etc. If I can't understand what's happening because of bad spelling, grammar, visual communication, organization, etc. I will take points away here. Using the wrong "there/their" or organizing text boxes left to right are unlikely to really hurt this. If you can't read the story back or explain what's happening, than this becomes a 1 point concern.

Creativity:
This is a measure of the liberties taken for a story. If you wanted to make a remake of deadspace for this event, you would gain points here for extra pieces that help the story. Such as replacing the necromorphs with a new species with just as much or more lore about them. The less fun things done, the closer to 0. The more added things, the closer to 10.

Loyalty:
Loyalty means how loyal the piece is to the original. If someone wanted to make a picture of a saw inspired trap made to be erotic rather than leathal, the person would gain points if the background matched the same one from the saw trap they are remaking.

Thank you for participating if you choose to do so.

Any questions, comments, or concerns can be shared below and I will do my best to answer.

I realized that while I was uploading stories, there was one person who I never gave proper credit for what they did, so instead of editing every story, I decided to edit my user profile to thank  Duhad for the thumbnails I use in most of my stories. Technically they are mine, but all I do is add words over it. They are the one who made the three backdrops out of the first image of my fursona.

I've put off editing my profile for this way longer than I should have.

No, I am not dead or gone or done posting.

Just going through a stressful week right now and I'll probably need another week before I start writing again.

I will be back, I just need to focus on IRL for a while.

Also, today is world otter day. A bit late on my end but again, stressful week. Remember to give all your otter friends hugs today.

I realized I've written 4 Wild Cat stories in the last 3 months and nothing else. I was going to write a dead space furry series but that's going to be more work intensive than I'm ready for.

So I want to offer a reading raffle so I can get some new ideas and stuff to write about. Plus, the pressure of working for someone else would be a great motivation to start and finish a story. Something I've been struggling with a bit of as of late.

So I'm asking you crazies who watch me for what opinions you have on this. You're probably going to be the first ones seeing the raffle in your notifications after all.

And yes, I'm making a lot more journals. My favorite part about writing is communication and community about the works. Talking with the people who watch me and actively engage with questions about what I do feels better than just doing nothing and suddenly putting up a raffle.

Right now, I have a Wild Cat story in the works for Valentine's day, the same day of my writing anaversery. Officially been writing for 2 years now. The story might come out a bit late through, spell checker doesn't want to be my friend.

However, something has been nagging at me for a bit about Wild Cat. To all of you, it probably seems like a crazy departure from my other works. It is, and while I'm not going to stop writing about them, I don't know how people feel about them in general. Not so much the "do people not like my new cat boy OC" and more so "are people fine with me going for this if it's so different".

So I want to put this to you, the people who show up to read my works.

I'm not going to stop writing about Wild Cat, they are a character I really want to develop and take somewhat seriously. However, I also know I started doing all of this because I was board and full of ideas on a pandemic Valentine's day. So I'm going to ask about what story you want me to work on next.

Would you rather:

Have A Wild Cat story that focuses on the Curator running the Morphaplex? Something that shows how he views himself, the world, and his son, all while he commits shady crimes and dealings for the betterment of his supermall, even transforming people who ask too many questions.

Or would you rather have a reimagining of dead space where the necromorphs are fur based? Unlike the actual games, this won't have much body horror if any at all, same with gore. Instead, I'll replace them with fully fur based creatures, trying to convert the whole ship into one giant being of fluff.

Keep in mind, voting for one shouldn't mean losing the other. I do plan on writing both stores eventually, but I wanted to at least ask for the thoughts of the people who watch me. To the people who are probably sick of me writing about a super cat, I am sorry I diverted away from what you like. To the people who want to see more of the Wild Cat world I'm building, I'm not going to be sorry for doing the stuff you like.

I've seen some good writing ideas lately but I want to propose something I don't see a lot.

Positive Darkness.

It's self explanatory, but it has been so underused. When we hear about dark queens, night time cemeteries, or blackened skys; we just assume something is wrong. That the queen is evil, the cemetery is going to be used for horror, or the dark in the sky is a problem made by fire.

These are valid interpretations, but I hate how their treated as the only ones.

We often think of good and evil, and light and dark, as opposites. However, have you ever stopped to consider why it's "good and evil, light and dark"? If anyone says "evil and good, light and dark" it's considered odd or out of place, even when the two phrases mean the same thing.

We've been equivocating good and light, and dark and evil. I want to change this. I want to write about a dark queen, not an evil sorceress, but a militant strategist who uses night to sneak attack armies and rightfully defend her people. I want to write about dark cemeteries, not for a necromancer ritual, but about accepting loss as you let the darkness around you consume the grave of a love one after your last goodbye. I want to write about the sky fading to black, not from ash or sut, but because the dark night sky is coming in so people can rest after a long day.

The problem isn't darkness itself, it's little more than a shade of color. The problem is that we treat it like a house of evil, that to have darkness, we must be negitive. So I want to change that, I want to write dark stories, but I want to make them positive as well.

If you feel like this dark negitivity is eating away at you, or you want to make more Positive Darkness, you are more than welcome to use this idea.

It was about a year ago today on Valentine's day that I made my first erotica story, and while I've been struggling to write anything, I still hold out hope that I'll start writing again.

I don't have a story right now, but just remember you have a happy chocolotter who will always try to give everyone a good time.

For a side note, I'm also trying ot make a discord server, but things are pretty slow at the moment. Feel free to join if you would like.

https://discord.gg/Q3RwY2tMzB