Yay!..i has one =D

...I get it already, I am a bastard...i am an idiot, i am a fool...
I have no friends, my family does not give a shit..
I used to be a liar, i used to be an attention whore, i am a bit different now, but i am a bastard..
I am still going to live my life, i am still going to try and stay alive.

Even if i lost everyone i loved...

I wish people could forgive me, i wish i could forgive myself.
But, i don't think i could fix this...
I loved the people i knew, and all cuz of my mistakes i lost them...
I am honestly sorry to all those i harmed...
Sorry for being an ignorant asshole, for not understanding my actions, or your attempt to help me.

I am sorry, and i have a reason this time...

But, i don't know what to do, i fucked up, I dunno how to fix it, please, tell me how to fix this, how do i be a good person, how can i make it where i can make people happy again, I WANT TO START OVER!

HOW DO I STOP BEING A SELFISH BASTARD!
...I just want my friends back damn it! ..That's all i want..
I'm so sorry, I love you all..i swear..i will promise this, i will try and be a good person this time, please...forgive me!
I don;t know what to do...

They are taking tip(my kitten) away from me...

http://leogeo.com/28_timebeat.htm
Wow, i love this clock ^^

I do not like his name, Sneezy >.>
Yeah, so i want a bit of a poll, can you name my kitten, the best one is what i will call it XD

Well, after a scare for my life yesterday (something other than the hadron supercollider)
I collapsed... i was out for about an hour.
I still do not understand why i passed out.
But it really made me think about how vulnerable life can be.
I am okay now, still a bit nauseous.
Yeah, hours after i collapsed i could not eat and i could barely walk.
But don't worry, I am fine now!
Yeah, i just wanted to say, i love all of you.
Thanks for being a friend to me and helping me through the hater(yes i hated furries a few months ago) time, the drama king days, And even now, I just wanted to say thank you. *hugs everyone i can find*
I think i might take a break from FA, or i might not, depends on what i think i guess.
Okay, Alli out.

Strangely enough, yeah.
For some reason, a sick kitten was on my doorstep when i woke up yesterday..i have been trying to take care of him but i dunno how, to take care of him, he has both eyes infected and cannot walk, he is covered in his own mucus as well.
I am not good with pets, but any idea what to do to make it better?

My birthday is coming up...but i dunno if anyone will care....sorry, i just felt like saying it, i feel nothing is going to happen of my birthday..as was for 5 years...but maybe..this one..as a furry, will be better...i dunno.
Well..I HAS A STREAM!
http://www.ustream.tv/channel/allirever-is-bored
It has music, but i have recording supplies.

Yeah, my birthday is on the 16th, and well, I am planning on getting a tablet, but every time i look online i only see tablet PC's, I need a graphic tablet, not a PC, so how do i look for one, and what do you recommend?
And also, once i get it, Can you teach me how to draw?

Yeah, i am changing the species of my charater alli.
Yeah i just saw something a bit more fitting.
So he is not now not an arctic fox
He is a Corsac Fox.
The difference is minor though.
Only slight appearance changes.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Fox_in_zoo.jpg
Alli is not as fluffy as an arctic fox but it still fluffy, and he is still cute ^^
Oh, and his muzzle it still long like an arctic fox though

For the last 14 days, Some weird crap has been happening, i am getting these weird dreams.
They are like cryptic or something, i dunno the word.
Well let me explain the one from last night.
I was laying on my roof and i stood up, and there were these people, in hooded robes with torches.
I slid off the roof and an arrow hit me in shoulder when i was going to the porch, then i found out i was surrounded.
It went black and i just heard bells.
i found myself in my bad as i run outside and there is toads everywhere, each one with a letter written blood on them.
i tried to figure it out but chains grabbed me and ripped me skin out of my body, i am freaking out o.o

I am serious, i am really afraid right now..i am crying badly, i do not want to cause drama or anything but if you want to know you can ask and i will reply.
I don't know what to do damn it!
Please, i do not want to feel this way anymore.
Please help me, please!
I don't want to be scared anymore!
I don't like crying..

I just sneezed so hard blood came out.
But yeah, i am sick today and feel like overall crap, i am going to write a story for my good friend, Then i will need to lay down, Oh..and i has a blanket ^^