Name: Indigo Atramentum
Nickname: Indy
Location: Texas, USA
Age: 19
Height: 5'10" / 180cm last time I was measured
Zodiac sign: The crab
Pets: None yet ;v;
Favorite thing about yourself: I think my butt is okay.
Worst habit: Procrastination
Fun fact:


- Identity, Sexuality & Personality -

Gender identity: Male
Sexual preference: Mostly males, some exception otherwise but have little to no sexual interest in vaginas.
Romantic preference: Almost entirely guys.
"Kinsey Scale" score: I got a 4, but I'd say I'm more of a 5.
Relationship status: In a relationship
Myers/Briggs type: INFP, "Dreamy Idealist"
Hogwarts house: Ravenclaw


- Routine -

Wake up, fuck around, go to work (if scheduled), get home, fuck around, stay up all night, fall asleep in the morning (if no work that day) or stay up and eventually go to work, get home, crash, rinse, wash, repeat.

- School/Work -

I work a shit minimum wage job. I'm trying to leave town for better opportunities, but that requires both a person willing to room with me and a decent chance of getting a better and/or full time job.

- Habits (Do you…?) -

Drink: Not yet
Smoke: Nope
Do Drugs: Nope
Exercise: Rarely
Have a go-to comfort food: Not really, I don't have much of an appetite these days.
Have a nervous habit: I'm not sure.


- What is your favorite…? -

Physical quality (in yourself): My butt
In Others: Varies from person to person, but I like chub and butts.
Mental/emotional quality (in yourself): I'd rather not admit it, it feels wrong.
Food: Tex-mex food
Drink: Tea, milk, Dr. Pepper
Animal: BIRBS BIRBS BIRBS ALL THE WAY ALL DAY
Colors: The cool colors, blue, green, and purple
Artist/Band/Group: Panic at the Disco I suppose
Author/Poet: Haven't read in forever, but Neil Shusterman I suppose.
Actor/Actress: I dunno
Blogger: None

I believe I got a faulty modem, since lately I've been experiencing a lot of connection issues, slow internet, random spasms of no connection, web pages loading slower than dial-up. I was hoping to have this fixed by today, but it looks like unless the internet magically stays smooth during the stream, I don't think it's possible right now.

https://www.picarto.tv/live/channel.....ndigoTheFennec
https://www.picarto.tv/live/channel.....ndigoTheFennec
https://www.picarto.tv/live/channel.....ndigoTheFennec

I'm still trying to work out OBS' kinks (huehuehue) so I may have to turn off the accompanying music I plan on playing (either flamenco or vaporwave depending on my mood!) because of some recurring issues. I'll probably be streaming for an hour or two.

I plan to start work on a reference sheet for  mellowdee and my half of an art trade for  bluwolf0. I know I'm not popular at all and this likely won't get much attention, but I still hope to see some of you!

*flails spectacularly off his rocker*

As of now, most of my owed commissions are done and over with. I'd like to focus on my previously-owed headshot requests, and hopefully get into some art trades.

Queue:

Anon commission: 90% finished
succulentdragon Sketch thing: not started
levon4k journal request: not started
stonergriffon journal request: not started
orionthedirtyfox journal request: not started

There is a sizable conflict in my mind just on posting this... I need to vent, but at the same time I feel like I'm just being attention-whoreish because a part of me wants to get responses from other people, comments, kind words, advice, I don't know. I'm going through a lot of mental and emotional turmoil so I'm a big bag of emotions, mostly negative ones.

Through this all, my biggest and most immediate issues have been about money. Money, money, money... Since the latter half of June I've been running on pocket change, virtually. I was already running on broke by the time I had to pay rent. My entire first paycheck since working at Burger King, all $330 of it, went toward it. And then some. I've had to use what I've gotten from commissions to keep the lights on, and that's it, folks. I took a huge hit to my pride when, despite how self-reliant as I try to be, I had to beg my friends and family on Facebook, Facebook of all places, for a little bit of money to make it until this week's paycheck, because the only way I can get to work is if I take one of this town's two cab services... And, for better or worse, my wonderful boyfriend was able to send me some...

I've also had to deal with the strain of work. Thankfully, I've been making far more in hours than I did at my previous job, but it's a double-edged sword I suppose. I'm always... so tired. Unmotivated. Apathetic. I have dishes in the sink I've not washed since the second week I lived in this apartment, and I'm well into month three. My appetite has gone down immensely, and despite eating no more than two times a day, I can't even finish a whole Whopper without throwing the rest away because I simply can't eat it all. I feel like I'm wasting away both physically and emotionally. I have no direction, no vision for the future, just work, art, sleep, Skype, and Minecraft.

Depression... I hate thinking that I still have depression. Depression is when always, 100% of the time, you feel lifeless and apathetic and tired, right? But I'm not always lifeless, or apathetic, or tired; I have moments where I laugh or smile, or sing something to myself when it's noisy around me, or engage myself in light but amusing conversation with my coworkers. Yet... often, I feel all of those things. Sometimes I feel so tired, even though I may have slept for twelve or more hours previously. I feel sad, or melancholic, or pensive in a way that leads me to feeling hopeless and lost as I have been so often lately. So... is this depression? I guess in any textbook definition, yes, but to me it just feels like shit. I want to feel good, I want to feel happy, I want fulfillment and peace and to be in a position to help not only myself but others who need it, not to be so sad and lost and helpless.

Commissions progress, unfortunately, have slowed because of all these things. That is part of why I closed, because how can I possibly handle more when I can barely keep up with the ones I have now? Despite the pressing need to finish these things, I feel overwhelmed and hesitant to pick up the pen. I should be feeling passionate, eager to rise to a challenge and draw something for someone. But I don't right now. If I can't make myself finish these soon, I'll just refund everybody and stop taking any commissions whatsoever... how can I call myself a good, trustworthy artist?

I'm rambling, sorry. I love you all.

After giving it some thought... I need to stop pushing myself so hard to get my art out there for money. It's beginning to make me feel hollow inside... art is supposed to be my passion, and it still is, but my financial situation has been teetering on the edge for weeks now and I've felt this to be a solution to help pay for cab rides to work, my electricity (I am on a prepaid electric plan because it didn't require the ridiculous $300 deposit), and other important, immediate things. And it has; I've managed to keep the lights on from what little I've gotten from arting, and I can't stress enough how grateful I am for that.

However, I was never truly ready to be taking commissions. My life has been a tug of war between work and fighting tiredness when not at work, and truly feeling up to working on anything is subject to this process. Commissions, as helpful as they may be in keeping me from going under, just aren't truly possible on the schedule I've had to maintain. So for now, commissions are closed until such time as I get enough unsolicited interest from others and I am truly ready for them.

What I will be doing is finishing what I do owe, then taking it easy and drawing what makes me feel good. I love doing gift/fan art for other people, and despite trudging through commissions I can't help but doodle things for other people, like friends and cool people I've met in the past, and maybe characters and artists I like. I may be open to doing trades, as well. I just want to love art and love doing art without the weight of the piece's responsibility on my shoulders...

I'm nearly done with a couple of the commissions I've taken so far, so I feel comfortable opening up more slots for commissions. Let me know if you'd like to nab one through notes or email at indigothefennec@gmail.com!

Slots:

1) james777fs2 - Shaded with clean lines - on shading
2) Anonymous commissioner - Two-character sketch with flat colors - on rough sketch
3) open
4) open
5) open
6) open

And draw more clean stuff. :/

This recent influx of interest in my art has really lifted my spirits, and I hope to continue to make art you guys like. This birb happy~ ^v^

I've finally given in and gotten one. You'll eventually see art from both here and AueColumbes there, so if you gave an account watch me there!

http://inkbunny.net/IndigoTheFennec

Ask me anything, my filthy little flock. :3

I wish I could've spent it with mine. Requiem in pace, Dad.

 wormlight I encourage you to go check her out. :)

I'll start out by taking three slots to ease myself into it. Contact me through FA notes or indigothefennec@gmail.com, please don't comment on this journal if you're inquiring about commissions.

1)  james777fs2 Paid
2)  james777fs2 Paid
3) Anonymous commission Paid

Payment is through Paypal invoices only, and 100% of the amount must be paid before I will start.

Read, and I mean PLEASE READ my Terms of Service before commissioning me; it could save a lot of issues in the future. Thank you!

I'd like to test the waters before I fully take commissions, as well as get in some quality practice before I open. So! I'm willing to take on up to five watercolor headshots of your character like this, quick, loose, easy headshots that shouldn't take more than a couple of days per. This will be on a first-come first-serve basis, and after I get five responses I won't take any more, unless two people happen to comment for the last slot at the same time unbeknownst.

To get one, all you have to do is comment here with a reference of your character (image preferred, but I will accept text description), and any details you may want me to draw such as expression, background, etc. Once finished I will contact you with The final, high-quality image and an FA-sized (100x100) avatar.

Also! I can make your headshot a badge, in high-quality 4x6 inch, 300 dpi, I can do so for just $5! That's five bucks for a headshot with properly-sized icon and a badge for your next convention! This is probably the only time I'll ever do that, so take it while you can~

---

Thank you for the interest! I've listed the takers here:

Slots:
1) TigerTheMeerkat Completed!
2) Dookrick Completed!
3) levon40k
4) StonerGryphon
5) OrionTheDirtySkunk

I will start working on these in order this weekend. :)

It's been a while since I've had one of these fireside chat journals, but I think since things, a lot of things have happened, and I should give something of an update of what's been going on in my life.

So, since my last fireside journal, I was indeed homeless. I stayed at my mom's for the weekend before taking my last resort: a homeless shelter. As far as shelters are concerned, and while I'd never been in one before that point I've heard horror stories, it wasn't bad. It was clean, there was food for me to eat, and I had somewhere reliable I could sleep. However, problems arose not too long after I initially got there. Life in the shelter was very structured and had strict rules reigning over a good majority of my life there, especially when it came to our daily schedule and required chores. On top of that, unless I had to go to work or college, I was not allowed out of the shelter for more than two hours per day, and there were daily, mandatory "devotionals" in the morning and chapel on Sundays. I hate strict policies and rigid structure, and I couldn't stand to be forced into religion-oriented activities unconsenting when I myself aren't religious... so naturally all that and more rubbed me the wrong way. Four strikes and you're out. Four strikes, write-ups to be specific, and I indeed got my you're-out. Four write-ups revived for what I still think are stupid and small violations, but rules are rules and I once again found myself truly homeless.

So I went back to my mom's, who while she does care for me and all, was not very pleased at the time that I had to stay there again. So, I stayed for a weekend and after that, ended up sleeping in a friend's car the next night. The next morning, I was in the college library when an older classmate of mine who happened to know my mom asked me how I was doing. I was tired and blunt, and I told him what was going on; long story short, he made a call to his wife and I was invited to stay with his family to have somewhere to start to get on my feet.

Once again, though, things quickly soured. The guy's wife, who initially seemed to be a level-headed and sane person, revealed herself to be very much the opposite of that. She was very authoritarian and very forceful. I swear the woman had more balls than her husband, she was so fiery and quick to combust, stubborn, impatient, and irritable. I wouldn't even have to say anything to her in the morning and she would sometimes snap at me about something I did or didn't do. On top of all that, she was very, very religious and very, very crazy. "Old-timey" and conservative to the core, there wasn't a day she wouldn't spout off scripture unblinkingly in a conversation if it was relevant, and she was obsessed, oh so obsessed with end-times scripture and conspiracy theories of the Alex Jones variety. Toward the end she found out I'm non-religious and did her damnedest to convert me to Christ in a very aggressive manner, and by the time all was said and done life there was, ironically, hell for me. It all came to a close when, after getting a terrible night's sleep I napped in the college library and overslept, missing my history class (the one I had with her husband). This infuriated her, and I was told I would be packing my things and dropped off at my mom's yet again that very same day.

And so I was. This time, however, things with my mom were different. You see, she and crazybitchface knew each other in college themselves, but after getting back together here after all those years my mom and Mrs Revelations had recently had a very vocal falling-out. United by a common enemy, we got song much better and I stayed once again at her place for the weekend. It was time, however, to find somewhere else to stay, preferably to live. Now, throughout this whole time I'd been searching for a suitable and cheap enough place to live, with no luck. The Monday after that weekend I went to multiple apartment complexes to look for any suitable efficiency/studio or one-bedroom apartment, all with no luck. Then after all that my last stop was at a realty business, and hallelujah praise the sun, they had something available!

That was last week. Now I have my own little efficiency apartment, the cheapest place I've ever found in this town, yet it's clean and decent and overall pretty nice. I have my own place, where I truly feel safe and am free to do as I please, act as I please, and do things as I please. Money is becoming a big issue but I have more freedom than I've ever had and that makes me happy! It may be evident at this point in the journal but I'm an independent soul and I cannot stand to have someone else breathing down my neck and making rules I can't accommodate to. Maybe that makes me an insolent and rebellious twat, but I don't care at this point. I'm free to be who I am within these walls, to do things how I want to in my own home without fearing scolding or retaliation against it. And it feels amazing.

TL;DR Read above, shit like this can't be condensed to a couple of words.

---

Anyways, on to the topic of commissions! Since I have far more expenses than before yet am still working part-time, I'm going to be opening for commissions very soon to help supplement my income. I'm making a price sheet and a ToS, practicing art more regularly, and once I feel I'm best able yo I will open and start taking commissions. I'd love to hear who might be interested in perhaps getting one!

Anyways, that's all for now folks, if you've read this whole thing you're automatically amazing, and if you comment you're in-the-stars stellar! Toodles~

(Okay fuck FA's broken coding, click the on the journal's link to see the video.)

Pick out any questions you'd like me to answer, up to five separate questions!

0:Height
1:Virgin?
2:Shoe size
3:Do you smoke?
4:Do you drink?
5:Do you take drugs?
6:Age you get mistaken for
7:Have tattoos?
8:Want any tattoos?
9:Got any piercings?
10:Want any piercings?
11:Best friend?
12:Relationship status
13:Biggest turn ons
14:Biggest turn offs
15:Favorite movie
16:I’ll love you if
17:Someone you miss
18:Most traumatic experience
19:A fact about your personality
20:What I hate most about myself
21:What I love most about myself
22:What I want to be when I get older
23:My relationship with my sibling(s)
24:My relationship with my parent(s)
25:My idea of a perfect date
26:My biggest pet peeves
27:A description of the girl/boy I like
28:A description of the person I dislike the most
29:A reason I’ve lied to a friend
30:What I hate the most about work/school
31:What your last text message says
32:What words upset me the most
33:What words make me feel the best about myself
34:What I find attractive in women
35:What I find attractive in men
36:Where I would like to live
37:One of my insecurities
38:My childhood career choice
39:My favorite ice cream flavor
40:Who wish I could be
41:Where I want to be right now
42:The last thing I ate
43:Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately
44:A random fact about anything

From Tumblr of course.

As it's clear and plain to see, I'm not exactly masquerading as a fennec fox any longer. Cute as fennec characters are, I can't see myself ever going back to that, or any non-avian furry; avians and birds have become a huge part of my identity and obsession within the fandom. So, "IndigoTheFennec" doesn't exactly fit me anymore, does it? It's no longer a part of my furry identity, and I don't really want to keep explaining to people that I'm no longer playing the vulpine. I find myself thinking about perhaps creating a new account to fully embrace the birb/catbirb within. I don't quite know, though... Your thoughts?

One of the major drawbacks would be rebuilding my watchbase from scratch, and another would be having to move everything and clear this account.

 auecolumbes won't be affected, just my main account situated.

I dunno, I've been thinking and I want to experiment with my 'sona's hairstyle, but I have no clue where to begin, honestly. I want to see if I like something beyond the emo-hawk sort of thing he has going for him while at the same time keeping the rainbow and keeping the... "gayness," I guess you could say. After all, that's part of why he is the way he is; my fursona's the outward expression of my sexuality I have to keep hidden living in Conservative Stunted-City, Texas. But yeah, photo examples from Google or furry art or whatever, tell me what you think might look good~!

I've more or less gotten everything posted there that I have here, but the lack of any activity whatsoever is killing me. The thought to just delete my account there has crossed my mind, but I want to be sure.

April Fools!

*sobs in the corner*

I'm looking for some.

So, I guess I'll give you guys the scoop on what's going on.

So I was, after all, definitively, kicked out. On Thursday 12 March I had the majority of my things out of the place I was living and stayed in a motel for the next three nights. After that, I stayed a couple nights at my mom's. Now I'm currently living in what's essentially a homeless shelter, and I'll very likely continue living here until the college semester is over in May.

The place is clean, and safe. The people are overall pretty nice, and all in all it's not bad, even if it's pretty religious and restrictive on people's schedules. While I'm grateful to have a place like this to stay, I can't help but feel encased l trapped, like I'm on a leash at all times. I essentially am, at this point, no matter what I do...

So, after I finish semester of college, I'm going to have to quit college for a while. I simply can't continue to do this and attempt to support myself on a part time, barely over minimum wage job. I need to get a full time job and try to get myself on my feet. And you know what? This scares me... I know college isn't everything, and to be honest I wasn't really going for a degree, but I just don't know how I'm going to improve my position in life without some form of formal education. If anything, I wish I could just go for the art classes to improve myself in that area and just fuck the rest of it. sighs I'm self-taught for the most part already, no use in changing that right?

In regards to art... I want to keep going. I want to get better, and hopefully one day make a living off of it. I'd like to give my deepest apologies to Drewsy for still, after almost a year now, not finishing his commission... my god, it really does haunt me that I essentially made a promise and have not kept it. I was paid $20 for something I haven't delivered. I made a promise to him and myself that I'd finish it, and I won't be opening myself up for commissions until I get it done, even though I'm itching to open. As of right now, I'm a terrible commissionee.

I enjoy picturing myself as a productive, prolific, respected artist, not just in the fandom but in a bigger picture. Maybe as an independent illustrator. Maybe as a graphic designer. Maybe as... I don't know. I just know I have some semblance of a dream and I don't want that to die.

If you've read this far, thank you. I hope this isn't being too whiny or pitiful. If it is, I'll delete it, because that's not my purpose.I guess I just need to vent; I've been feeling a bit depressed lately.