NEW ACCOUNT

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>  IngwiePhoenix <

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12602S 5W 8C 11F 1644J

That is my current count of notifications... nope, not gonna go through all of this xD

Plus I want to slowly deprecate the ingwie2000 name. So... I will be dumping this account. Once I am sure everything is done and dusted, this account here will be nuked. o.o

TL;DR: Avoid installing node-ipc for a while. News might be old by now but you might want to read here: https://security.snyk.io/vuln/SNYK-.....ODEIPC-2426370

Longer story:
So I was browsing Youtube and sometimes I peek into uber-private-ist channels just to see if there is any interesting topic. Now, I personally know the usage of node-ipc myself and was surprised to see it there. But since I do NOT consent to the wording and phrasing in this video, I won't link it. You can find it on "Metal Outlaw"'s channel. Amidst the end and partially in the middle, there are phrasings which I consider homophobic and racist - and generally very toxic ("[...] one clean cut away from femboy").

If you want to ensure to not run into issues like this, make sure you take advantage of free services like Travis for your test integration and general CI and DON'T UPDATE IMMEDIATELY - EVER. Not all updates are good, and not all updates fix anything of meaning but can end up breaking something else. My E-Mail client, Mailspring, was severely broken due to an error with BetterSQLite and because auto-updates were enforced, I had no choice but to use GMail for the time being, which sucked a lot. It took four days untill the issue was resolved - which, to be fair is not a whole lot - but I am in the middle of trying to find a job. Because I happen to be poor af and energy prices here in germany are only about to explode. Literally. Gas prices are already up 50% at the station near me - I walk past it daily so I know.

Let this be a lesson to be careful with updates. I live on the bleeding edge where possible, but I read every single changelog. Be it Genshin, Mailspring, Discord or even the Twitter app on my phone or Element on any of the platforms I use it on; I end up skipping many updates because I see no value in breaking my most important software. It can not be prohibited in some as updating is mandated by the respective vendor (miHoYo aka. Hoyoverse for Genshin, vector.im for Element and Foundy376 for Mailspring, ...) but if possible, I will skip an update that does not fix a problem I have, might have or a feature I don't care for.

And the example of node-ipc just proves that point. If you need another example, look at what happened to Faker.js although the context of that situation is vastly different from the "protestware" that was implemented in node-ipc.

Just thought I'd let yall know. o.o

Not gonna say much.

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9507851/

Go there, and help. Please.
That guy is someone I used to commission a lot from and even bought my human character Moon from. That guy is as nice as it gets so if you have some, please consider helping him out.

I really appreciate it.

I would do it myself, but my balance is currently -8,51 € so I am in no position to even buy food - but I have enough for the rest of the month. So yeah, please go help that person. Thank you very much!!

Awwo~!

Just looking who's still around from all those that are watching me.

... sup? o.o

This showed up in my timeline: https://twitter.com/PrisonHound/sta.....23129203040257

TL;DR: The artist is trying to move to a friend at this time and needs help to fund the move. Check the thread for more information. There are PWYW type commissions open as well - or you can just straight up donate as well.

I added me discord on the profile, my Matrix handle and overhauled the profile. Although I think I have to get rid of my recommended people, because apparently I went over the icon limit...bleh. :<

Anyway! Whatcha think? ouo

So...my fingers and elbows are kinda numb. I've sat here for some five hours or so and been going through 10k unseen submissions...god am i worn out XvX

If I effectively bombarded your "New Favorites" with my name ... sorry. XD But I just couldnt stand this high number of unseen submissions. So I opened my browser, ctrl+clicked a bunch of submissions, looked at them, faved the ones i liked, commented the ones I really liked and noted a few down which i want to return to to either write a comment or something else - to maybe even note the artist down as a future commission target. :3

But dude am I dead. x.x I swear, I'll write a FA->Matrix bridge one day to just get some kind of notification when my submission dips over 500 or something. @.@

Im taking a break now. bruuuuuuuh x.x

So in my last journal, I was going on and on about what software I used in order to remove myself from other services... but, I hadn't actually elaborated on the reason why.

So, let me do so now!

We all know that the data we produce on the internet is pricey for companies. Facebook owns every picture you post, Instagram uses accounts running on their site to pomote themselves and Microsoft Windows 10 collects a lot of information. Seriously, install Windows vanilla, fire up Wireshark and look at all the traffic. It's crazy. xD But it doesn't stop there either; there is also our mobile stuff. Your Android or iOS phone. Now, I wouldn't neccessarily call it all being spying, but for a good amount, it is.

What is spying, and what is helpful?
First and foremost, before I go anywhere, I want to appreciate all the developers that make the things we use possible. An exception is FA, because it hasn't exactly doen anything innovative inforever. Yes, I see the FA+ subscription, but ... why would I need that? In about ten years, this is probably the second most noteworthy upgrade to the site - the first being the design. But... There are so many developers out there writing open-source code, or writing apps for your phones and desktops. These people usually do not have harmful intentions at all. Well, at least most of the time. However, this is not always so true either.

For instance: Some developers do have creative control in a video game where they decide what things are sold on an in-game store. Like those things you buy with actual money. Those people have maybe lost it a little and need a reminder, that this practice called pay-to-win sucks :p. Keep in mind though, this is not always the case. More often than not, companies will tell their devs that they HAVE to put this feature in, and about a concept of what this feature should do. I.e.: Game X needs to have sell-able items that can help a player progress in the game in either giving him EXP or reducing playtime in total. Because you know, grinding is considered active playtime. And grinding...sucks. :x I mean, its just boring, really. ^^;

Now, I talked about the developer-side of things. Let's talk about the economy side of things. When I think of economy, I tend to think that they use a different set of laws, or are basically encapsulated in their own little world - the Economy.World. In this world, a couple of our dear laws just dont matter anything, and ethics aren't even a thing. Look at Blizzard and BlitzChang for an amazing example of what I mean. He spoke up for Hong-Kong and Blizzard essentially destroyed his lilly ass o.o; ! Economy is just vastly different and often is predefined by "the stronger wins". So, how do you get strong in such a world? Money and influence of course.

Let's look at Github. Github is an amazing place to post open-source stuff at, colaborate and contribute. I love Github, but did you know that they were owned by Microsoft? So, imagine someone reverse-engeneered Windows 7 because it is now EOL and he wants to allow others to contribute an "open source service pack" like we had with Windows XP. Microsoft could just snipe this project off Github with the snap of their fingers. Content regulation is mostly by the hosting service's disgression; and in this case, this would basically mean, you can host what Microsoft allows you to.

In fairness, Microsoft has been super, superduper lean about ReactOS and the example I provided above might be overkill and extreme. But wait, there is another example of how a company can use influence: Google.

Google Mail, Google Youtube, Google Maps. You have used at least one of Google's services, and sometimes you don't even know about it. For instance, Discord runs on Google's cloud platform (Google Cloud Computing). Or Electron. Your WhatsApp Desktop for Windows? Electron. Discord? Electron. Visual Studio Code? Electron. It is basically everywhere. Electron is based on Google Chromeium, which is basically the standard Google Chrome, but open-sourced. Now, the source tree is so dauntingly big that I can't go through it and see if there are any binary blobs (not open-source parts) within this, but it wouldn't surprise me. After all, this is a Google product, and it would make absolte sense if a Google product had Google stuff in it. To be fair, Chromium is fairly de-Google'd, but I wonder to what degree.

One more example: Facebook React. You have no idea how many websites use React. Fortunately, I can tell you that React doe snot phone home - it is really what they advertise it to be. However, React is so massively popular, because they have actually paid developers that can work on this project, whilst projects like Preact and other React-like alternatives do not. Therefore, Facebook can release faster, innovate faster and keep people hooked into using React and basically control how a lot of the internet works. I think there is a studdy out there that goes more in-depth as to how big the React influence really is - but trust me, it is huge. Look at how many stars it has on Github alone; mind-blowing.

Now that I listed those examples of what a company can do with their influence, which is usually founded in either monetary interests or other personal disgression, I can start pointing out why I am unplugging from those services - slowly, but surely.

FLOSS: Free Libre Open Source Software
I am not a leftist. I am not an anarchist. Hell, I am not even sure where I would put myself in terms of politics. And thus, I don't exactly need to care for the word "libre" (i think it derives from "liberty" or "liberal"?) at all. But I know what it does: Open-Source Software that has no traces of hidden aspects. PureOS, for instance, is developed by Purism (the same guys I mentioned last time for their phone, the Librem 5) and is aiming at using purely open-source material. Like, their NXP CPU, it's integrated GPU and other hardware. None of that causes the Linux kernel to have "binary blobs" in them, which is basically a piece of "hidden software" if you so will. Software, that you can freely distribute and use, but won't ever get to see the source code of. Yes, this is still often called "open source" while it partially is not. For instance, Android. Android uses this a very lot in order to be compatible with all kinds of custom hardware. While you can see the Android source code just fine, you can not see the parts that some companies use - even when you look at their "open source" releases. Either they will distribute binary blobs - or just not do that at all and keep it completely proprietary.

Meanwhile, PureOS and other FLOSS-like solutions try to mitigate this. And it is amazing.

By unplugging myself from stuff like Facebook and Twitter and moving to Mastodon and Matrix for instance, I am no longer giving them my data and I also know that my data is completely save because I could just tear down the whole code and look through it myself - and patch it, if I wanted to. Thus, if I don't want them anymore, I can just stop their respective services on my server and it'd be good. However, unregistering from Facebook and Twitter leaves traces behind, even after taking advantage of the data-security laws here in the EU. They have your data, they can target ads at you and even keep tracking you through many other means. Just look up "Browser Fingerprinting". It is such a mean little tactic. I think it's genious, but unfortunately, all good things will eventually be used for bad - that's just how things go, lol o.o . So even if I removed my accounts from them, they will still be able to find me if they wanted to and I am perfectly aware of this. Heck, just look up my username. It shouldn't be hard for you to even find out some more info about me (just don't dox me please? ^^;).

While they already have a lot of data from me, which is fine with me although I still won't like it, I will still migrate away sooner or later. And as it stands these days, there is no real way of escaping these things either. Even if you use i2p or tor, your ISP still sees your initial connections. You can't get rid of that thus far. They see you connecting to a VPN, or you sending HTTPS messages to this url with these URL parameters - or even, that you are looking up this domain against this DNS server. And you know, that's okay. I don't like surveliance or any of that, but I can consent to them at least knowing about the basics of whats going through their network, so they can later at least give an approximate hint of where a terrorist may have communicated. However, this is as far as I would want to have them go.

But on the other hand... is it really my cup of tea?

"Unplugging" my worry?!
Yup. Facebook knows that my cat died in 2017. Whatsapp knows I regularily text with hookers in my area. Twitter knows I am a massive wrestling nerd. And my ISP knows that I have a constant set of SSH tunnels going to link my homeserver up to my remote server for some hawt portforwarding. Oh, and Discord knows im a goddamn horndog xD. And that is fine, really. Yes, even I have things I'd rather keep a secret, thoughts I want to share with nobody peeking and the like; but there are things like end-to-end encryption which can at least encrypt a few of the messages, and I could probably set up a VPN to cover even more of my internet. There are tons of ways I could "optimize" this stuff but...on the other side, do I really have to? I am one of about a billion people. If some of my data persists on the internet...well, then so be it. If Google thinks it needs to target ads at my ad-blocker, then so be it. I hate ads, so I block them - lol. I don't see why I should help Youtube generate ad-money when they are using their powers and influence to make live for creators rather stressful these days. I can use Patreon instead and know that my money goes to the person.

So yeah, while I do want to reduce how much data I allow those corps to get off me, I also am well aware that I can not always avoid it. My mom uses WhatsApp, so I have to use it too. Wrestling is often discussed on Twitter, so I have one. Because these companies have all this influence in more than one way, they make themselves and their services necessary for certain things. Though I believe that in many years, open standards will eventually replace them, or have those companies be forced to implement them on their services as well. High hopes for a low chance, I know. ^^;

But what I will say is...I am looking into how to protect my face. Face recognition is something I don't want and do not want to consent to. Luckily, Germany is super, superduper slow in terms of technology, so I am very certain it will take some ten years untill they come around it LOL. Untill then I'll have me a proper face protection o.o Because seriously, you don't have to see where i go pee, for crying out loud. xD

So, I may have been keeping my FA around, but I might be making a new one with the proper IngwiePhoenix monequer eventually. But what I have been doing otherwise is pretty... interesting.

For a while now, I have been wanting to switch to Linux for more than just my servers (currently two). So I started looking into stuff like the GNOME 3 desktop and corresponding accessibility features - like screen magnification and color inversion. Now, while not being easily available, the settings and features do exist and can be controlled through dconf which is incredibly neat! But I did not stop there at all!

Once I started to look up linux phones, I ended up looking at the Purism Librem 5, Pine64's PinePhone and the FairPhone - each with a different take on different aspects of a phone - and quicker than I thought, I was setting up Mastodon and Matrix on one of my servers and I am even looking at moving my email as well. I tell ya, a lot is going on right now... and it is interesting.

With just a single server, I am already covering a lot of my daily needs - but it is probably better if I explain what I did and for what in more detail, so let's start with...

Matrix
Matrix is a specification describing a communication protocol. Yup, not neccessarily a chat, but also. You can even make custom events and such and the baked-in events are already very, very powerful and useful. By using https://riot.im I can already use my Matrix server to talk to different people and browse channels. And trust me, I saw a lot of weird ones - but, I also found a few lovely furry channels where I felt right at home. However, there is more. Because Matrix brings with it...

Matrix Bridges
A Matrix bridge is basically a piece of software that communicates to another service, like Telegram, and acts as a middleman to provide that service to a Matrix user. In my case, I can send and receive messages from Telegram, WhatsApp and Facebook Messenger. I could even set up Skype if I wanted to and go a lot further. There is even a Discord bridge to bring over specific channels from a Discord server - and a Gitter bridge to do the same for Gitter. In fact, there is stuff like IRC, Hangouts, Keybase, RocketChat and more. It is absolutely insane. And you know what? Its freaking easy to implement! People are doing it with basically vanilla JavaScript and TypeScript - let alone that Matrix provides a boatload of SDKs and modules for the various use cases out there!

But, Matrix is really just a protocol
...so people have replicated things like Instagram as well, and I expect more services to come out of this soon. Honestly, I am just waiting for a usable, and proper Mastodon bridge - there are Twitter bridges but both of them are basically unmaintained right now. Which suuuuucks :<

Oh, and yes... Technically, if FurAffinity had an API, you could communicate to FA through Matrix. Like, see journals or even write them right from within Matrix, or even handle your PMs, see new submissions and what have you. But since FA does not provide any API - at least they didn't when I checked in 2015 - this won't be possible. SoFurry would be possible, and maybe InkBunny. Either way, it would be interesting to write such a bridge eventually.

Twitter -> Mastodon
Now, I use Twitter a lot lately for when I watch wrestling and want to second-screen the shows I am watching (WWE SmackDown and RAW, AEW Dynamite and some indie shows like today's WrestleTalk No-Fans Monday). But unfortunately, Mastodon has one huge, huuuuge flaw: Discoverability. If you are not registered directly to https://mastodon.social - then you won't get most of the discoverability features, which are a key element to stuff like Twitter. Sure, federating between servers is great, but if you can't go out there and discover right from your server, things are a little...bleak. However, using IFTTT (If This Then That - https://ifttt.com ), I can send all my twitter tweets to Mastodon and possibly even vice versa. Weee!

Wait - "federation"?
Uh huh! Matrix and Mastodon both do something called "federation". This is basically a concept of two servers running about identical software interconnecting with each other to share stuff like chat messages, status messages and alike. So, I can follow someone on a different Mastodon instance quite easily - just the handles look a bit different. For instance, mine is: @IngwiePhoenix@ingwie.io. However, I can still follow someone named @CuteFace@cute.space, because my server will talk to the Mastodon instance at cute.space and vice versa, so that they now exchange messages and stuff. That stuff is preeeeetty cool! Matrix does that too, where my handle is @IngwiePhoenix:ingwie.io, but I can talk to someone on a different server - and even join other servers' rooms. Think Discord, but decentralized, where servers...are actual servers.

Are you done unplugging?
No. I still rely on Google Mail for my emails and a good lot of my communication still happens on proprietary networks. I won't abandon them, but I will keep bridging them into my Matrix server for now. Maybe I can drop some of those bridges one day and go completely independent. Heck, if I could "unplug" my phone and basically build my own carrier from scratch, I probably would! :D But there are some things that simply can not be unplugged from with a usable degree. My mobile data and home internet will still go through providers...but I can use VPNs to encrypt my traffic and secure DNS to even hide away what I am looking up and switch from using Google Search to DuckDuckGo - although it's results often just...dont cut it. At all. XD There are other ways to do that though, by hosting a local search engine, for instance. It's not as pretty, but it does get the job done for the most part. I also already use ownCloud to back up my files to my own server an dmake them share-able with the world if I so desire. That means, my chatting, microblogging and file/calendar/contacts are already properly synced and de-centralized! They are on my own server, at my own control and if I don't want any of these services anymore, I just systemctl stop thatServiceIDon'tWantAnymore :)


So, to summarize: If you want to contact me, you can do so not just through services listed on my profile, but also:
Mastodon: @IngwiePhoenix@ingwie.io ( https://social.ingwie.io/@IngwiePhoenix )
Matrix: IngwiePhoenix:ingwie.io ( https://matrix.to/#/@IngwiePhoenix:ingwie.io )

I plan on moving over my EMail as well, and getting myself a proper GPG setup going, so I can sign my own emails as well. Other than that? Hm... Maybe implement a personal VPN solution or use an overlay network of some form or style. Tor? i2p? GNUnet? Iunno. If you have ideas for things to do, leave them here! I'd be happy to check them out :3

Oh yeah, I won't be uploading art here for untill I get to actually opening my new account, at which point I won't close this one, but start over mostly fresh and eventually close this one much further down the line. Like, a slowmo migration process. o.o


Anyway, happy day to you! ^_^

So... I am currently working on BIRD3. But with working, I don't mean actively coding - actually, I am waiting for software to be released, so I can get my ass up and finally work it down xD.

I have faced a "Coder's Block" lately. So...yeah... not coding a lot lately. Though, we have a Discord server, if you feel like joining?

Here is the link! https://discord.gg/Wge2VHc
See ya ^.^

I am finally taking time to write a profile description I will be using across all my furry accounts. That does not mean that I will be super active on them like I used to, but I will still check in more frequently.

That aside, since I spend most of my money on  DrakeIndoryl lately, I am not going to do many commissions untill my monetary situation is restored to a stable point - which should be soon, in fact.

Have some free hugs and pets and see ya~ ^.^

Hey guys.

I know I have not really done anything of note here as of late, but I just wanted to let you know that I am still present and doing things.

Currently trying to find me a jerb and getting my butt back into gear. Lately, I am experiencing a bit of a slump :/ Can't even really muster up the strength to write code... And the commissions I have been placing lately were usually ones not allowed on FA - or very much "at the border", at best - so I haven't posted them here.

You can expect a complete profile overhaul on here, IB, SF and some other places I am on! Also, take note of the Discord tag added in the profile, if you wanna chat some.


Hope you have a nice day. :3

Got an IB too? Then watch meeee~

https://inkbunny.net/IngwiePhoenix

Weeeell... I am currently updating my profile top to bottom and just actually decided to add commission info. I will add stuff about programming at another time, but not right now.

I am opening up to join a commission. So if you like one of my chars, go ahead and let me know - we might make ourself a split commish then ;3

https://www.furaffinity.net/commiss.....ns/ingwie2000/

Hey guys.

Just wanting to let you know that a friend of mine is doing a sale atm... Check it out :3
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8888878/

Just watched WWE SmackDown and now R-Truth's "WHAT'S UP" is stuck in my mind and I just gotta ask all my followers... What's up? =)

Hey, fun little idea:

... How about you try to make an 8-bit character, like draw something, but resemble the good old console generation?
As far as my drawing-knowledge goes, that'd be more than flat colouring and barely any shading, if at all x).

What'cha think?

Hey to everyone who has missed me :3 I got a message for ya.

I'M SO FREAKING BACK :D

Soon I'll be looking to buy me some commishes and restore the Dragon's Inn and actually continue work on the newer version of it (BIRD3). There's just so much that I wanna do. But foremost, I wanna get me some new art done. Ingwie has changed just a little. As he is my fursona, he obviously just had to change during the past years...so there'll be one very dark and sad picture of him... Trust me, you're gonna like it, but it'll be very sad.

So yeah! Feel free to note me :3 I also got me a Discord now, if you'd like to talk: IngwiePhoenix#6637

Well then, let's see what future brings! ^____^

Since I get a character removal request every now and then:

I'll be gone for a (little this time) while again. If you have one of such, PLEASE send the PM to the temporary maintainer  Jambus_GTX!

Thank you.

VERY IMPORTANT.

If you use links to the Dragon's Inn, the domain has changed!

Previous: dragonsinn.tk
Now: thedragons.in

The .tk-domain expired on me and the service is appearently not very...usable anymore. So yeah, I changed the domain name.

Thanks for stopping by. :3

Yes, this chirp gets everywhere. xD

FurryNetwork is a modern furry site with proper back-/frontend technologies and I like that! Though if you are a dev its easy to debunk the stack they're using ;3

Find me here: https://beta.furrynetwork.com/ingwie_phoenix/

They'll be sweeping new beta keys soon. See their twitter: http://twitter.com/furrynetwork

To all the people that work with MySQL databases on dedicated servers: SET UP AUTOMATED BACKUPS IF YOU USE INNODB.

TL;DR: I fucked up and paid 300 USD.

Long story: When the Dragon's Inn server crashed on reboot due to unintentional upgrade hiccups, that resulted in rsyslogd no longer functioning, i went into rescue mode and downloaded a huge copy of all the files that i had - well, selected ones of course. When that was done, I actually began to re-instantiate my actual server, and use a VM to manage the Inn. Unfortunately, what I hadn't realized: MySQL is a fucking douche :I. When you copy in the raw data from a previous installation - like I did - it will complain. A lot. Horribly. And that is due to a lot of technical stuff i wont write about. But basically, MySQL can't "just" read previous data. So... this resulted in me sitting there with corrupted data. So corrupt, that I went to an online service to repair it. And once I saw that things worked, I was asked to pay 300 USD. I paid it. #fml

So if you ever operate a dedicated server with mysql, setup automated SQL dumps. Just a cronjob running each day or hour should do, or on shutdown just to be sure. So...ugh...dont be me. Dont. Dont be a fool, dont pay your ass out. Dont.

You know that I love art.

If you go along my gallery, you can see one heck of a timeline that goes on for about three years now - and I have artwork, that is even older. Unfortunately, i had that stuff. My old MacBook is amiss.

But what I also lost, was the gift art I had.

You know, that moment an artist comes up to you and is like, "Surprise!" feels amazing. Because:
- They actually took the time to think of something for you.
- They actually sat down and put their best efforts into making it.
- They might usually get commissioned, you just got something for free - and as a gift on top.

I have lost pretty much all except one or two of the gift arts that I ever got. If I remember correctly, I got six in total.

But why is it so important to me, and why do I get so nosey when I see other people getting gift art? Well its true - partially I am jaelous. Like, I have had watched people on FA that would get gift art every day, because people liked his character, or just wanted to brown-nose themselves into his social circles. That, honestly, is shameful. Using your talet to brown-nose onto some other people, just for some reason is just...no. But yet, people actually did something for them. The other reason why I act this way is because I know quite a few artists, and have spend a lot of money on art as well, and that not rarely on the same people. Like  dragonrace1 or  xskullstomperx. I really like to commission them when I have a few loose pennies. For Skull Stomper, I know that he needs it to pay stuff - and Dragonrace, I am not sure - but i absolutely adore her sona. Nuff said x). But theres a few other artists I know as well, that I admire for their talent and some of them I count as close friends.

And yet, i feel like all I am doing is spending money on art. I get the amazing pieces that represent a story I wrote, an idea I had or an emotion I feel - or that my character feels. But it never really happens that people ocme up to me and draw me something.

Okay, fullstop. "Never" is the wrong term.
- A friendly artist out of nowhere came up with a sketch of Ingwie.
-  lusyndra wanted to kill my depression about three years ago and drew Ingwie in a flash.
- Two years ago, I actually got pictures from my friends.
- And  weirddragon_69 has drawn a load of pictures for me for free - and so did  yd6104 or  martimus91

I actually cant complain at all when it comes to having gotten free art. But it usually was me asking them if they could draw me something. The motion of them just drawing something for me is super rare. I mean, the Lusy event is about three, or probably four years ago.

I must sound like an idiot. I know. I'm really sorry x). But right now, I just have no idea how to express it. The past months have taught me, that if I want a change, I need to make the first step. And maybe, showing how much I aprpeciate gift art, or artwork in general, does something?

No idea.

All I know is that art makes me happy, like really happy. I used to watch  redvernal stream is artwork whenever I was really depressed - and just watching the art he made getting done piece by piece got me relaxed. Dont ask how or why, it just worked that way o.o"

I've probably babbled enough weird things for today.

So I wish you all a happy new year. Feel free to poke me in Skype or the Dragons Inn. Ill be around, cuz my hands feel dead from gaming and my head kinda dull...

Maybe you saw it on Facebook, Skype, or maybe my journal here. But, I finally had my birthday; on the 30th December.

And this day, each year, sucks in one or another way.

Today, I will introduce you to the faith that you get when you have an end-of-the-year birthdate.

So, aside from all my private problems that I am carrying with me (being sacked from my apprenticeship, for instance), I have a problem that repeats itself over and over, each year, same day. And that is, that on the date of my birthday, everybody is gone. The problem is an easy one: not even a week before my birthday is christmas eve. Many people celebreate with their families and friends, hang out together or maybe go to church with their relatives. It is a great day for many - me included. But then, six days later, there is a seventh to come, and that is new year's eve. That means: big parties, big things to do. Buying the fireworks, picking clothes for the party, buying the goods for a party and preparing the environment for said party. It all usually falls short on the 30th. My birthday.

Each year that the clock ticks midnight and I am a year older, I usually get a few messages from my closest or bestest friends. Or once I even got one from a bot... it was funny, gonna let it have that. But other then that, thats it. My mother and father visit me - or used to knock me awake with some cake at midnight when I lived at their place - and then we talk, talk and talk. Oh, and we eat cake.

Usually, everyone else is gone. For instance, when I was bakc at my old school in Friedberg, my friends lived a minimum of two hours off. Plus, we were too young to go alone by train or bus, mainly because our parents wouldn't let us due to our visual impairment. That meant, that we relied on our lovely parents - who, unfortunately, didn't want to drive through the mud and ice that was usually present on the streets. And as a result, nobody could come.

Most of the time, it would be around mid-janurary that school would start again, and then people would remember I had birthday:

"Oh wait, wasn't your birthday on the 30th? Sorry I forgot to send my best wishes! I was (...)"
"I'm sorry I couldn't be there on your birthday, but my mom said, (...)"
"Yeah, my parents made me prepare the silvester party, so I couldn't come, what a bummer..."

Every. Freaking. Year.

But there is more. Here, you may think I sound greedy or unhappy or something, but I am not. Because as a second outcome, I don't get presents. Weird of me to say that, right? But its true.

Let's take for instance person X whose birthday is somewhere in July. This is usually mid-summer here in Germany. Person X can invite his friends and they bring little goodies. Or, if you think online, some of his artist friends or story friends or whatever draw him a teeny tiny happy birthday giftcard or something like that.

But since everyone is gone in my case, I don't get anything. So each year I simply bought something for myself and searched for a reason to be happy on that day and celebreate something at least, to forget how lonely my birthday actually is. This year, unfortunately, this was incredibly hard and failed in the long run. Allt he problems of this year that have piled and stacked up and together have reached a climaxing point for me.

I lost my apprentice ship.
I had to move out of my old village.
Lots of my friends graduated last year and are mostly gone.
And I have some other problems that I can not disclose. But frankly speaking, I am actually astornished by how long my psyche has held together.

But try celebreating a lonely birthday with nothing else but your laptop, a gaming console, and your code.

... i made me a little present box in ASCII art ...



i know this is an unusual journal for me, but I just needed to write this down and out somewhere. It's...lonely here. Even the people I was talking to a lot are currently gone and unreachable, and the circle from all the previous years will continue. Oh well...

So, when midnight fell, I was a year older, and wanted to shuffle from my sofa back to the bed and grab my laptop to chatter with friends.

Unfortunately, Microsoft had an early present in stock for me: My version of skype was - and still is - flawed. I just got up and instead of my skype name, tried to use my "Microsoft Account"..and that shit magically works. >.< So yeah...

Oh, btw, the error code i got was: "ERR_ACCESSING_CORPSE_DATA". Nice...really. XD

But yeah, today is gonna be a good day. I wish you guys a great day too! ^___^