Please note that I moved to  Diddsalou!
I'm only posting these journals for the first three times I'm streaming after I've moved accounts!

If the stream isn't online after you've clicked the link shortly after this journal has been posted, be patient, it'll start in a few minutes!
https://picarto.tv/DiddyVicious

Please note that I moved to  Diddsalou!
I'm only posting these journals for the first three times I'm streaming after I've moved accounts!

https://picarto.tv/DiddyVicious

Today it's official. I created this new acc a while ago but I waited until today because...why not? Don't ask. I just like to have everything on an even date and go even further into detail about it, but what ever.

So here's my new account  Diddsalou
I just got sick of this username and well, some other things in connection of it as well.
Of course I can't go active there yet due to my problems regarding my PC, but well fuck that shit.
Hope it will go active as soon as possible though.

Just wanted to let you guys know, that I am in fact working on a few Valentines Day artpieces - or at least I have some projects in mind (some traditional sketches are done).
However, my PC is still down and I won't have it back in a working condition until Monday the 22nd of February.
Guess my art will come very late, since I don't want to upload the traditional ones (and I surprisingly improved on those, but still, I don't want to spoil with unfinished stuff). So the (digital) art will probably be done about end of February or even early March.

PS: Sorry if I might respond very late or seem very inactive. I'm generally a little overwhelmed with a lot of stuff - I'm starting into a sort of temporary job on Tuesday.

This journal is a little personal, though it's not whiny or anything. Just me kinda overthinking my current attitude.

I just don't understand myself recently.
I feel like I've been way too..aggressive? Grumpy? I don't fucking know. Frustrated is probably the best term for it.
There's always something for me to complain about. On one hand I've always kinda been that way.
On the other one, maybe it's been worse with that in the last couple of months because I just needed to distract myself in some way, by being pissed about all the teeny tiny problems.
I guess one could say I'm not happy with this whole situation.
My PC won't work at the moment, my tablet wouldn't work the last couple of weeks before my PC went down and I gotta move out of my beloved apartment this year as it seems. Also there's just so much shit going on in real life which I just can't understand. And when I'm not able to understand something to its fullest, it's making me feel very uneasy inside.
So I end up acting like "Don't fucking talk to me, I'm distressed.", which is the reason why I always look into things "way too deeply", because I just want to understand them 100% so there are no surprises.
I just happen to hate the unpredictable.
Yet at the same time, I feel really ashamed about everything. I feel like I'd have to stand next to every person I know, constantly going "I'm sorry, please don't be mad at me."
No matter what I write (in a chat) recently, right after sending it it makes me think
"That's actually not really the way I'd like to put this into word." or "I want to make a different impression."

Am I growing up? This is not the way I experienced it over the last years.
My personality hasn't changed much ever since 2013. In fact, I'd even say I was more mature in late 2013 or 2014 than I have been last year.
At the moment, I just can't help but see myself as kid that keeps throwing tantrums about irrevelant shit, first world problems only to show that it needs a good fucking ass whoopin'.

All I can say is that I feel very two-faced right now and I just don't know how to judge myself.
If I ever happen to write a weird, childisch journal like the last one again, please don't take it that seriously.

It's my birthday tomorrow and I have several appointments.
So fucking cool.
Yeah we give no fucking shit about our people here in this country.
Sorry but I feel like shit about this.
I don't know whether I should just feel pissed off or crappy in general.
At least I'd like some fucking peace.
Get out of my fucking face with your stupid ass tests.

Also your PC is kinda dead. Happy birthday Diddy.

ps:
I don't need anybody to pity me.
I just want to let everybody know how much I fucking hate this.
Like leave me alone with goddamn appointments.
Also it took me like an hour today to run my PC. I might won't even show up tomorrow.

For longer than one freaking month I haven't drawn or written anything. Or, well, yesterday I've written some RP with a friend, but that's it.
My lack of motivation has never been worse. I don't feel like doing anything at all. Not even IRL.
All I do is sit there, be bored and yet I don't want to do anything to fight it.
I don't know if I should either call it a burnout or some sort of depression. It's not that I don't have ideas, I just don't wanna draw. By the signs my body is sending me it might be because the amount of stress I'm facing IRL again. I don't really want to explain this further.
To be honest I'm really disappointed in myself. I wanted to be much more active this year than in 2014, but it turned out that this year was the worst time I've ever had. I might have had a burnout in 2014, but it still was much much better. I've planned an animation series for 2016 and I still haven't drawn one single frame.
Ugh I just don't know how to deal with this...

Well, the whole purpose in this journal actually was to ask you guys to maybe...motivate me a bit?
I know I don't really have active watchers but I feel like I need to be told if people actually want to see my art at all.

By the way, I still got some good news.
I'm finally upgrading my computer. I'll get 8 extra GB or RAM so I'll have 10 GB, but for some time only 4 GB of them will work because I have a 32-Bit system. However, I'll get a 64-Bit System (Windows 7) soon. Probably in January. Also I'll get a better graphic card. From 1 GB up to 2 GB (GDDR5).
And of course a new hard drive. This pretty much means that I might be able to try myself with some game-streaming again soon? My first attemps weren't completely bull, but it was just too much for my computer. Let's see how it works out.
And I might even get Photoshop CS 6!
As soon as I FINALLY have my PC work better, I hope it will change my mood to the better as well.

Edit:
I got the PC I (still) have at the moment...Christmas 2010 I think? Maybe earlier.
So I'm well aware it won't last for ever. I'll try my best to save for a high-end Gaming PC, probably with a Hexa Core (I have a Quad with 2.83 GHz atm) and 4.4 GHz, a 4 GB graphic card and so on, you get what I mean.
Those kind of PCs usually are about 1.500€ (about 1.621$) or more, so it'll sure take me some time to save up that amount of money, pff.
But yeah, you can't upgrade an old 1994 Polo with a 170 kW motor engine and expect it to work for that long (or work at all), hah. I'm aware of that :')
Just glad that I can upgrade that old fart at all.

Yes, I am in fact in shock about was just happened in the past few hours. Paris, Japan, Mexico, etc.

I am glad to hear that Europe (or well, at least some countries) make/s sure to prepare their military, but at the same time I am very worried.
Tomorrow, in Vienna there'll be a "Syria-conference" and I just have a really bad feeling.
Another creepy thing is, that I was just worried about the excact same thing to happen as in Bataclan on October the 25th, when I was at Heidenfest (a one-night metal-festival).
I mean, compared to France, Austria seems like the weak prey. And some months ago I've heard that armed, young and veiled men have been sighted in the capital of Lower Austria. If already in Lower Austria, what about Vienna? If you ask me, it's a miracle nothing bad has happened to "us" yet.
But they're already recruiting people here by handing out their bloody prospects.

Germany will probably close their borders (maybe they already did I'm not sure at the moment but I'm also just too overwhelmed) and Austria is thinking about doing the same thing.
This whole situation is just hairy as fuck and I just hate not being able to know everthing that's going on.

I just really really hope this doesn't get even worse...
I want to write more, but it's really late (though I'm not sure if I can sleep now) and I can't really put my thoughts into the right words right now. And I am neither weak on nerves nor emotional. It's just that I feel really...confused and like "I can't get over the fact how much shit happens all at once.".
Just such disappointment with how the world rolls nowadays.
This has been my first Friday the 13th to be actually a bad day.

https://picarto.tv/DiddyVicious
I will try to work on old "abandoned" pieces bc atm I don't feel save enough 2 draw newer ones live

Yes, for once I'm announcing my livestream some time before actually starting it. Somebody please note that and give me an A+.

Sorry for the inactivity. Got a lot of stress going at the moment and I just feel like I need to sort of change my ways and be less of a hyperactive fuck.
But anyways, watch this. I love it too much to not share it.

This seems awkward and desperate, especially since I've already asked that question about a year ago. But I really need to know if my prices are okay as they are at the moment (they're really cheap...).
Soo here's a poll for that again.

http://strawpoll.me/5565290

It was a rather big surprise for me to finally have internet back after 10 days and coming on FA to check, then seeing that folders have finally been invented. Damn, now that I'm thinking about it I somehow feel like I've been on FA for so long, yet it's only been 3 and a half years. Honestly, I might still will be little "quiet" for now when it comes to uploading, since I want to draw more "real" art instead of "for the sake of being active" sort of stuff.
Anyways, I'm going to organize my submissions. I think it's really cool to be able to put one single submission into various folders. Probably I'll make separated folders for my OCs.

Also, I want to be more active on YouTube. I've got some ideas for more speedpaints and such. What I also wanna do is some...maybe comedy-like videos? But don't worry, I'll make sure it's not just awkward "trying to be funny" videos. I'll write scripts and such, maybe also take the chance to film with friends when I'm with them :B
In case you haven't seen my channel yet, here it is.

There's actually 3 videos on it, but 2 of them are unlisted because they're rather weird or inappropriate, so only people with a link have access to it. So here you go as well (again, because I've already shown these in previous journals).

I've read this journal on deviantArt and I always agree with this person's view on the topics she's talking about. Speaking out of my soul.
You can read it here:
http://www.deviantart.com/journal/D.....lity-557508189

In case you don't want to read it, at least have my comment on it, but I recommend you to read the journal (it's also not that long) :

"Exactly. I'm a demi"sexual" myself and I've often thought that it's probably very common. Why wouldn't it be? Deep inside of us we still follow our instincts, making us very picky to choose a mate. Some however can get easily aroused just by looking at someone they consider as hot/sexy or whatsoever (which of course is totally ok!), while others - including me, just can't imagine anything sexual about other people without thinking that it's wrong or it just feels really uncomfortable, as long as a strong bond isn't provided.

A few weeks ago a very stuck up and stupid person would bash on me and other people because they consider themself polyamorous (being open for open relationships, or a relationship with more than one another person) and that person later would say I'm fake because I can't be polyamorous if I'm demisexual, which is complete BS because it has nothing to do with being monogamous or a slut (also since I'd be fine with a monogamous relationship), but that's another story and topic.

Actually I was just about to consider myself a "truscum" since I only believe that there ist Male, Female and Agender (+ Genderfluid) as well, but then again I decided to not have it on my page because in the end it's just irrelevant information and I don't need people misunderstanding me as a person who's bashing MtFs etc., because I've read that many people seem to think that truscums do that. Also, I just don't want to label myself with any tumblr-thing. It just makes me feel awkward. I probably could consider myself Genderfluid since I tend to switch between identifying myself as either male, agender or (rarely) female, but refuse to because I guess that I'm just an agender person with goofy hormones (I actually have many testosterones because of my thyroid xP).

Meh, didn't want to write a novel, but yeah, happens all the time : P

PS:
The Genderfluid-thingy with the hormones makes nothing but sense since if you look at all the transtrenders, they're mostly around 15 years old. Also, I've recognzied that it's mostly biological females, and well, female teenagers tend to seek for more attention than boys do..."

Sooo there's that :o

This needs WAY more views! I always love to go back to old videos and watch them again.
What a shame that Dr. Steel retired. Definitely one of my all-time favourite musicians.

Randomly decided to share a few laughters from my bestie and I
(there are way more extreme ones but it would be a crime to share them).

If you make it through the whole video, you're a winner.
I will set this to not listed later :') (means you can still watch it if you got the link to it, but it won't be public anymore)
By the way yes the thumbnail isn't that accurate but I wanted at least something hhah

Okay guys, I never wanted to do this, but I've made up my mind about it and decided to tell you that for the rest of this year, most of the stuff I'll do will be related to funding for my real life.

This means that I'll finish the projects I'm currently working on, but afterwards I'll mainly concentrate on YCHs, general commissions, auctions, etc.
Of course there still will be enough of personal art, but just not as many (I mean, not that I've ever been that active, but you get what I mean).

Look, this is important and although I feel like I have to do this in order to have at least some future in my life, I hate to somehow face towards a more "commercial" way of drawing.
I hope that people won't think that I don't care about a community or however you wanna call it, just because I'll turn into a person for art-service for at least a while.
I really do appreciate every nice comment I get and trust me, I rarely get those, but in the end those comments make me cheer up even more.

Besides of all the "Oh I'm sorry I have to do this" talk, I still have my doubts. I've never been successful in taking commissions or you know, make money with art. I don't even have 100 watchers, so how am I ever going to get that much attention all of a sudden?
Yes, I indeed do feel desperate about this, because unfortunately my mental health doesn't allow me to work and I have to move out of this place, since I'm sort of being kicked out.

I already looked up some apartments on the web and I found some really nice ones which were pretty cheap, but I'd still need some financial help in order to cover the first months I'd maybe live in there.

I feel like I can't really explain how important it is, but please, just believe me.
I don't want to end up living in a flat in which my cats won't even have enough space to run around and play, and me eventually having no internet.

Also I have liabilities of about 450 € / 500 $ (rising)

Sigh, wish me the best of luck with my plans...

So, after going through more research, I found out that actually ALL artists are endangered because copyright is about to change.
Sorry, I can't explain this right now, I'm just mindblown.

Please help spread awareness of this!


Here's another journal in which this is explained:
http://theartfrog.deviantart.com/jo.....Risk-547218744
Share it!

This is REALLY important and the deadline for that law is on 23rd of July!

So yeah dA made the hugest dick-move ever and for the first time I'm actually considering to delete my account there.
If that happens, I'll be more active on here.
I don't think I'll create a tumblr, cause I just hate that website (at least it'll take me some time to create an acc there, cause it's a real "meeeeh" thing), but I might post some art on facebook (ya I made an acc there some days ago for major information etc. tho' I actually hate fb as well)?

This is just so disappointing I can't even describe my feelings except with the words like UTTERLY RETARDED BULLCRAP.

look at this: https://twitter.com/DiddyVicious/st.....069248/photo/1

Check out my new alternate art-page on Wysp!
http://www.wysp.ws/diddyvicious/

EDIT:
actually forget about that
Wysp turned out like some sort of tumblr 2.0 on which you'll only get noticed for mainstream-fanart, so I tried out Weasyl, even though I don't have the best impress of that site cause of a tracing and design-theft incident, but hey, trying it out.

https://www.weasyl.com/~diddyvicious

(will be most active here on FA)

I feel so relieved! Finally I was able to drop the worries I had about all the drama happening IRL recently.
I'll open up my Commissions again. I also improved the Commission-Ad + the description a bit.
MAYBE I'll stream today. I'm feeling well (B
Don't know if the stream's going to be SFW or NSFW, but more likely SFW. Maybe you'll catch me working on frames for animations :P
See ya soon!

I'm still not out of the woods yet, but I'm kind of in the mood for a livestream. But first, I gotta make sure everythings work, since I might stream on Picarto this time instead of Livestream.
Will draw SFW (I know I could also stream NSFW on Picarto if it works but I really got to finish some projects).

Edit:
I'd rather stream tomorrow. The weather here is really making me tired and I got a headache incoming. Oh well...
But maybe I'll stream later, in case I'm not tired anymore.

Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry

If I don't do that fucking video I told you of for far too long today/tomorrow I'll make myself pay so hard.
My mental stability has got so extremely low again...

Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry

this might come in random but recently I'm really active on twitter
https://twitter.com/DiddyVicious

He's awesome.

Turns out it maaaybe won't be that bad (for those who don't know: read my last journal) and I got some days left.

I just wanted to inform you guys that I created a F-List for my fursona throughout the night and holy shit, the details. My dream-come-true. I'm the detail-fetishist.
I will also create F-Lists for my OCs later on. That's gonna be so much fun ~

So yeah, I added the list to my description and you can also click the link right here:
https://www.f-list.net/c/diddy%20vicious

How it's mentioned there, this list is important in case you want to roleplay with me. I'm flexible though. If you still got any questions regardind roleplays: just ask me!

By the way, I will give you an update again when I know where life will take me.

I don't know where to go. I'll get kicked out of my home the next days. And I have no money. I don't know if this is the end of me being on the net. It might even come worse...
Sorry, I've never felt more distressed, desperate and worried.
I don't even know what to write here. I have absolutely no clue how I should handle this whole situation. I just feel hopeless and broken.

In case this is my last journal, farewell.

Don't worry - I won't kill myself or anything. I just don't know where life will take me from now and. Chances are that I'll just live a really crappy life with no money for anything. I wish my friends could somehow help me via sheltering me...

I hope my expections aren't as bad as the outcome...