I'm not one to complain unless I can spin it in a way that hopefully makes people laugh, at least pretend I can be a comedian and make my misery humor for someone else, but lately I just can't shrug it off anymore.

My life has been a steady slope down into depression, little things here and there paired with the feeling that I'm making no real progress in life, and it always wells up near the end of the year. The holidays are usually not a fun time for me, as much as I try to make them. Poor income generally makes me feel like shit because I can't afford to get my friends the things I want, and being around my family fills me with more shame than warmth. Everyone there is some form of success- my cousin who is more like a sister is becoming an attorney and is bringing her newborn child this year, while all I have to talk about is current events and half-baked witticism.

Usually my only solace, the one thing that made me bear this season is the cool weather, and I don't even get that blessing seeing as it's still 80 degrees in December. Not sure how many of you follow my twitter nonsense but yesterday the motor in my AC blew out so I was sweating in my own condo. Today I got the call that it's 500 USD to fix it, so more expenses that I can't simply shrug off because money is tight, soon as it gets back into spring that's a downright health risk not to mention how much sleep I'll lose if I'm sweating on top of the sheets.

I don't know why I let my mom talk me into that arrangement, I'm hardly responsible enough to own my own property, when shit goes wrong I don't possess the resources to fix it myself. She keeps trying to hold me to the same standards of living she has been used to for longer than I've been alive, which my lifestyle and income can't keep up with. Because I have no one else to turn to when things look grim, that's the only advice I can get, and it feels like it's only digging a deeper pit of despair in the long run. I feel like a bird that keeps trying to fly the nest only to be dragged back into it every time I crash.

Compared to most, I know my life isn't that bad. My family doesn't despise me or have any deep internal dysfunction. Though money is tight, I'm not starving. It feels like I'm sitting on top of a house of cards that's about to collapse and the stress is suffocating me. Again it feels like I'm going nowhere, whenever I have a small streak of luck, anything that might give me cause for optimism it quickly gets swept over by something blind-sighting me. Always one step forward and two steps back, determination is growing harder to keep my fingers around.

I'm just getting tired of where I am, the city I grew up in and this state in general is starting to feel symbolic of my life's stagnation and I just want to go. Not even really sure where, but I feel like I just want to disappear and start over somewhere new, somewhere were I won't be reminded of every bad decision that led me to where I am now. I have no skills that would allow that, no jobs I could pick up to try and make it on my own or even networking skills that would let me root myself in a new community. I feel so stuck and I just don't want to be the same person anymore.

I have a ton of art on back log that I've never posted mostly because YOU JACKASSES TEASE ME ABOUT IT. I'm gonna start posting them in no particular order (mostly because I've forgotten exact chronological order herp derp) over the next few days and such, no more massive art dumps because again, you numb skulls like to tease me about the huge pile of jackal porn suddenly filling your latest submissions. Don't lie, you like it or else you wouldn't be following my dumb ass. Anyway, something to do and finally update my journals which get touched never.

Means I get to wear this icon. I think It's my favorite ever

<--- from dis chik


Oh yeah. And Elliots fall festival. Hope you peninsula people will be there

is new to the state and should be there, he's cool, should talk to him

Man I haven't made a journal in a while.

As I sit here I'm currently waiting for Bae_bunny to arrive so he can crash the night and we'll be off tomorrow, a day early to the con. What we'll do there on Wednesday I do now know. Either way, I'll be rooming with chimpyevans. As for exactly what I plan at the con, fuck if I know, I hardly make schedules and bounce around ( To be honest I'm not even sure which hotel we are at this time but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ) It's a little bit of a budget con since I've had the money saved up for a while, I'm just here to see a good bit of friends, after all that's what these crazy events are about. If you wanna hang out or do something, assuming I have not yet heard you'll be there, post here or hit me up on skype/steam and we can see what there is to do at the con!


List of furballs I will be seen with:

 thewisecoug
 pilot
 Jhusky
 Bae_bunny
 KitAzureskye
 ShinOniNezumi
 technokemono
 Frowst
 Chimpyevans
 apwachimol


PEOPLE WHO SHOULD HAVE COME
 fendermcbender
 makyo
 deedsjr
 wing-of-chaos

Just lost two friends in the past week over stupid mistakes. The first I'm not so worried about because it was stupid and petty but the most recent hit me with a bit of a hollow feeling. I really liked his company. Fuck.

 Baebunny Is doing an iron-artist sort of thing cept it's with valentine's day cards! Hardcopy, traditional art work that is mailed to you or whoever you want them to go to! Wonderful work, I've received to cards in this style from Bae and I have to say, they are super nice!

So check out his info here!

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12487009/

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5267814/

Check it out

My origin account is Irid0n (zero) so if you wanna add me go ahead.

Well I just got laid off. Future looks uncertain since I owe 900 dollars next month for car insurance and homeowners taxes. Not to mention my current roomate just moved out. Not sure when the new ones will be in but hopefully sometime soon. With both  Yurath and his girlfriend moving in, they'll be paying a little more than a single roommate so it might help me float for a bit. A local friend might have a job for me but it's not as good as this last one. Still kind of in shock right now and robotic. Can sense the next couple of days to be filled with a fitting amount of depression. The job market sucks. The last two positions I've gained were from someone else being connected. Feel pretty fucked.

I'm honestly torn here, I got a new job that pays the bills yes, but I still need to budget before I go spending it all in a money craze.


Two anticipated games are near, well 1 is already released but the second drops soon.

 pilot and  whitewisecougar want me to get Splinter cell blacklist. While I'm not a huge fan of the series I do enjoy the gameplay though conviction was a little too easy. Almost all of my hype however comes from that returned multi-player from Chaos theory. Which I greatly miss, occasionally find myself wishing I could play it again, and honestly believe was one of the most intuitive and fun multi-players out of a game I've ever seen. It's also 60 bones.

On the other hand is Lost Planet 3. Which I'm not even sure of the multi-player or if it's returning to it's single-player roots like Bioshock did. But from what I hear it's really stepped up it's game since the last two. It supposedly plays like a mech warrior and original dead space, with a really good story and atmosphere. Which I'm a sucker for. It's also only 50 bones

I unno, help me decide, I need to be responsible and only pick up one game, if that ;-;

Not for a con, life in general.

My (mundane) roomate has informed me he plans to move out by October if things go his way, and he and his girlfriend find an affordable place. My new job will allow me to pay for the place myself but I don't know what I'd do with the extra room, and a roommate would certainly make things easier. Plus, I've wanted another furry as a roommate for some time, at least someone I wouldn't have to be so secretive and hide half of who I am.

If you are looking or know someone who is looking to move around the Clearwater/Tampa (Florida) area in the next few months then please let me know. It's a rather nice condo, second story in a wooded neighborhood, 2 room 2 bath, you'd pretty much have your own right next to the hall as mine is attached to my bedroom. There are 2 balconies, one in back with a screen around it and a smaller one on the front of the condo entry from the kitchen. Laundry closet as well is situated in the kitchen, it has a rather new air conditioning unit which is especially nice in summer. Rent would be roughly 400/mo before bills, but water is not a need as it's covered in the Homeowner's Association. Cable as well is free, I don't have a box so it's just the 90 channels, all bills to cover would be electric and interwebs. Please contact me if interested I'm greatly in need of people to look into now!

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4881447/

Enter if you want, free art raffle

Sorry about that first one guys my birthday had started on a really bad note, stuck in dead-end traffic when the clock turned midnight. Which is literally one of my least favorite positions to be stuck in because at least in uncomfortable parties or other places you can remove yourself from the discomfort, but int raffic you're sort of stuck at the mercy of everyone around you. Because of a tired mind many other self loathing thoughts came into play but I assure you I'm better now. Thank you everyone who's already wished me a happy birthday, it means a lot.

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10573617/


 Reiane beat me until I did it.

Typical raffle rules apply, post a journal, spread the word, lessen your odd of actually getting it and you're entered! Good Luck x3

Life was supposed to get better once I moved out, I understood it'd be harder yes but with that there was supposed to be some sort of greater sense of accomplishment when you manage to survive on your own. Get your own place, no parents to drive you crazy and shit. But it seems I can't get a break, one curveball after another. The job that I got, was rather good at the start, I got hours, not fantastic pay, but enough to keep myself afloat and a schedule that gave me the free time to enjoy with friends. Now, I find myself faced with a woman who's pushing hard to get Bitch Supreme of the year. Practically all my hours have been cut in favor of someone who she just put on, in fact the other part timers who've been around since before she took over are suffering hour cuts to a woman getting easily double what we get collected. When I confronted her about why my hours took the hardest hit, when I'm the only part timer who actually lives on his own and has bills to pay, her excuse was "I can't play favorites, everyone gets the same." Sure. a whopping 12 hours over 4 weeks is the same as 20 Hours a week. No favorites on the playing field at all. Now I have more time on my hands than I know what to do with. I've been filling out job applications but I hear nothing back. Florida is filled with retirees who find out their retirement plan isn't as good as they expected and are thrust into the jobs people my age are normally found in. I've fucked up with my life, I was nothing special in school, and even a trade or vocational school is too much as I find depression makes it impossible to really care past one semester. Even if I got calls back on any of the applications I put in, that means I'd have to detox from marijuana in order to pass a drug test on the chance that I actually get issued one that bothers to screen for THC. I hate to sound like an addict but it's one of the few things that keeps my overactive head from tearing itself apart. After what adderall did to me in highschool I can't bring myself to trust a man-made drug to 'even me out' or whatever those synthetic chemicals claim to do. Even with my acts of self medication I can feel life's weight bearing down too much on my shoulders. I'm stuck with a shitty job and a manager who will be no help at all when it comes to job references. I can't ask my parents for help, I already feel like too much a failure in their eyes, and for God's sake they don't even know I'm bisexual yet. With each passing day it feels like my local friends are less interested in my company, in fact the only ones who seem to take any initiative are my stoner group I've known since high school, and I feel I need to break away from them. This leaves me almost alienated on a social level. The suffocating feeling of nobody to turn to for relative help is closing in on me fast and I don't know how to cope of combat it. It feels like I missed something, or am missing something key to just being a functional person but I'm lightyears away from grasping it. Every day I feel like breaking down into a raging fit, bursts of emotion I fail to tie to anything rational or tangible. I'm just not sure what to do anymore, my head is stuffed to the brim with questions I don't even know how or who to ask.

Well thanks to My local buddy Kemmy, I'll be riding him him and a few others from Gainesville to Atlanta. I got money saved up already, only issue is that I have to get a room. I have a few people who have already offered space or spoke of it at the very least but I need something definite and I need to get looking now. If anyone could offer me a room or point me in the direction of someone that has another slot to fill please let me know. Would prefer one that doesn't plan on throwing room parties.

To anyone who can help, I sincerely thank you.

Come take a look, swizzle the wonder-pup will draw your greatest desire for a hell of a price! He's super quick too. https://dl.dropbox.com/u/19471103/S.....ice%20refs.png Here are his prices and references!


https://secure.join.me/847-205-731 Here is the spot!

You pay him
He do it quick
You love it long time
We all watch.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4127087/

He goes by Redigo and he does awesome stuffs, participate

NSFW if ya didn't know :3

... they are 'a changin!

In the past week I really haven't been myself in quite long periods of time. In this time I have said some very unkind and untrue things to some of you. It's one thing in this fandom to have people say things about you, but when you actually live up to the rumors it really is a shitty feeling. I'm sorry for how I have treated some of you reading this, or not. I am ashamed to admit I really don't recall much of my delusional episodes but I remember enough to know I should be asking for forgiveness. I've personally begged pardon from a few who I recall treating rather horrible, but this is for anyone who I can not recollect acting rude towards. I hope you can accept my apology, or at least understand that I'd take it back if I could.

If your species isn't signed up already you might get a free sketch, so go here and hope your 'sona race isn't too popular!

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4039068/


P.S. jackal represent, mine was open!