I won't give out the details until things are a little more settled, but  kogie and I are in one of the worst spots we ever have been. I won't be able to put any effort into any art or writing for the short-term. My focus will be entirely on our current situation, and I can't promise I'll have much time to talk with people either.

If I can update at all in the next week I will try. Please wish us luck, and if you're the praying kind, we could use it.

And he's gotten really good at it!

Here are some examples, he keeps his prices pretty cheap an he's got a lot of practice at it over the last few weeks.

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13190605/ spiral chain

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13190629/ (one for me)

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13306786/ (kogie's)

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13315594/ earrings

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13463730/ local work around town in team colors

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13485339/ belt done in regular chainmail

Ok, since they seem to be pouring in right now, I'm going to set ground rules for taking requests:

1. I'll take them and complete them as I get to them. I don't set a timetable for requests, I just do them when I'm in a mood and don't have anything else to do.

2. Requests, as a standard, will be either a lineart or a simple colored sketch. Sometimes, if I really like what I'm doing you'll get more, but I can't always devote all the time it takes to make flat colored stuff since I changed the way I do things.

3. Please don't nag me or act like I owe it to you. I hate hate hate to be rude like that but a couple people have been acting like commissioners while asking for something free. I don't like to, but I'll reserve the right to say 'no' if that junk goes on.

That's all I suppose. Just wanted to get it out there.

Commissions take priority over requests obviously, but I don't have any of those running at the moment I'm writing this out, but hey. Life and whatnot. Hope everyone's okay out there, take care <3

Okay, so I'm pretty much known for my near-infinite patience, but I've had enough of this and I need to say it publibly.

LEAVE

 kogie

THE FUCK

ALONE.

PLEASE!

I'm not mad, I don't get mad. To be honest it depresses and exhausts me more than anything else. I break my back working in a clothing warehouse to take care of us, and it breaks my heart to want to come home and just be happy and relax, and come home to some newfound drama because someone's upset my mate, not in a casual little drama lama way, but in a genuinely hurtful one.

I think the biggest reason this happens is because people don't understand Kogie, what he's been through, the serious emotional and mental issues and scars he bears.

That infinite patience I mentioned earlier? Sometimes that's the last little thread that holds the two of us together so we can make up again after a fight. This constant badgering by other people has caused the slightest things I've said to blow up into shouting I don't deserve. A couple weeks ago it made me talking about money blow up into him calling himself quote 'worthless and hurtful to me and nothing else' in a bipolar fit. That is not true, period.

He's been backstabbed by friends and family, he's been looked down on for his mental diseases, he's been raped though his childhood and adult life, homeless 5 times (once while we've been living together), he's lost two young sons that his family will not acknowledge ever existed. He lost the love of his life to blind human cruelty early in his 20's. He has a learning disability, he's viciously bipolar, and a slew of other emotional, mental, and physical issues that I'm not forgetting but I thing I've made my point. He's been told by every psychic and mystic out that he's seen that he won't live to be 30, which is in June, and sometimes with the stress he's under, it genuinely worries me that he wont.

I do not take him lightly. I gave up a comfortable life with my family to be with him, I gave up chasing my dream job, which I have the college degree for, ready to go and everything, to be with him. I bust my ass in a warehouse to stay living with him.

Do you think I did all that because it seemed like the smart thing? No, I did it because I love him and it was the right thing at the times I made these decisions for his benefit, and because I love him.

If he's read this, he's mad right now. He hates being reminded of all this. He hates that I'm the first mate he's had that has had to take care of him rather than him taking care of me. I don't care that I have had to do these things, and continue to. That's where our lives are at right now. Change for the better will come in time. I haven't given up on being a 3D modeler and animator for video games, it's just on hold at the moment.

People ask me all the time, "Why are you still with him, you're so smart and talented etc... ?" The simple answer is that love and loyalty are more important to me than any selfish personal ambition. I'm working on what I want out of life, and I have plenty of years to work with.

So PLEASE, I'm not demanding, yelling, or bitching, I'm PLEADING with anyone associated with my mate. Stop all this nonsense, it's hurting him and the people around him by constantly altering his mood toward anger, frustration, and depression.

...and babe? I love you. I know you'd rather this all wasn't in the air like this. I just want you to be happy. I want to be happy. I don't want to flaunt our problems like some damn Purple Heart to get leniency and sympathy. I just want this to stop so we can be happy again.

To anyone who listens, thank you. I hope that this gets directed to people associated with Kogie or that know him. I stick my nose where it doesn't belong to help solve the issue, and so be it if I have to. I just needed to get this off my chest.

Hasn't been a bad day overall, really.

If i think about it, I'm not exactly where I thought I'd be in life at this point, but I'm happy enough where I am, I suppose. I'm surrounded with good friends, in the furry community especially. My art is something I can be satisfied with, even if i wish it were easier for me to get motivated and make time for it.

So I guess I'm happy overall with my life, I've got places I want it to go, but I understand it's a process. Thanks to everyone who's been with me and i hope everyone had as good a day as I did if not a little better. :3

This MEME thing  kogie suggested I put up.

I'm very accepting in general, but these things blow my mind;

1. Someone ignoring/getting mad at me for trying to help.

Normally this is one I can let go, but sometimes it's just like "HEY?! FUCKER! I'm trying to HELP your dumb ass, don't get on MY case about it!"

2. Wasted effort on my part.

Sometimes I try to do things, special things out of my way for people and they just go "yeah/mmhm" If it wasn't worth the effort, I wouldn't have done anything out of my way in the first place. This also goes for my money. It may be hard to believe by the people around me, but I'm actually not super frivolous. I work hard for my money, and being broke just days after that hard work is paid to me breaks my heart.

3. Taking me for granted.

I go WAAAAY out of my way to be nice to people, do little favors, help when I can, etc. a LOT. I guess I make people complacent with it, but when you start asking for those every day/all the time (ESPECIALLY ART) it grates and at some point i have to stop being so polite.

So I guess that's it. There used to be more, less important ones, but I've lightened up as i've learned lessons and changed tastes

My master  maceblack is trying to open a Hobby town in our area, and he wanted to reach out to the Fur community in addition to the local community for help.

See his journal here for a link to the kickstarter page :3

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13003185/

Now that I've got the time, gonna start opening YCH and commissions.

First step is complete, closes when it's filled or Sunday night.

Not precisely in that particular order, but eh, here it all is.

The meh: I didn't get the office job I was trying for, it went to some lazy jackoff cos he'd been there two months longer and he's already struggling in it.

BUT!! the GOOD! : I did get a full time job, and it's on nights Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. So, besides those nights I'll be able to be free during the week again. Art is coming back into my head.

which leads us to the BETTER! I'm drawing again! and I'll be back to taking requests and commissions again. YCH's, PWYW/PWYCs and taking them generally again. If you have an old request, please remind me cos I've forgotten, and I'm also unfortunately going to have to cancel that old free YCH with the werewolves, I'm sorry to everyone involved. I may yet work on it again, but it's on the shelf.

So that's the sum of it, if anyone wants to talk I'm almost always on Skype: tayjaguar

I don't want to sound selfish, i hate sounding selfish almost as much as I hate bragging, but I do a lot of art for other people, shell it out in requests and commissions, more in requests than the other.

I just wanted to see if there might be anyone out there that would want to take a quick, even sketch, crack at a thing or two for me in some spare time. If not, which i know is the norm, I'm perfectly fine with that I suppose.

Also, anyone want to be in something with me, probably done by me sometime. Just wondering.

Anyways, working all week this week again, so blah. No word on that job yet, and if i don't get it one of the supervisors wants to scoop me up for a job that's 5 days a week. I like that supervisor but i lose enough free time as it is now >.<

So, as some of you may or may not know, the last two years have been sort of a struggle. One that's led to progression towards my goal in life, but still a struggle to do so.

Tomorrow, I go for an interview with the clothing warehouse that I'm already working at to move into an office job rather than the general manual labor I've been doing to keep money coming in, keep my head above water, survive... whatever you want to call it. If I can get this job, it would be a step in the right direction, or, at least a step away from the wrong direction. Added to that, it would be three night shifts a week which is still full time, but will leave me much more time to have a life during the week and make inroads towards putting my degree to work.

Whether I get it or not, I'm still trying to move forward, save up for a computer that I can do 3D design and animation on, build a backlog to get a design job, and give you all some tasty bits on the side ;3

So wish me luck, I could really use it!!

Hey everyone, I just wanted to let it out there that I've drifted away from drawing for a little while. I want to, but there's just no motivation I can grasp and sit there for the time it takes to make a whole piece, at least for now.

Rather than forcing myself to come back to it, I'm just gonna ride it out for now and see if it comes back to me. I'm still on skype fairly often if you want to come talk to me or something.

Take care of yourselves. <3

not mine, unfortunately

but my master is having a great sale, Kogie and I have commissioned her several times and have always been happy with her work, go check it out!

 bluhellwulf

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12440394/

should be great when it's done, and I encourage general commissions with her, seriously great work!

Last night, after a long struggle with cancer, my family lost my uncle Leonard. He was a great man, always kind and accepting, and he was rich with family, friends, and faith. Actually he saved my faith when I was getting low on it and i needed a kind of inspiration to keep me going. I know he earned his angel's wings a long time ago and he was content with his life and his spirit at the end, so I can only wish him well in the journey there and keep him and the family in my prayers.

Yeah, I know... I haven't been able to be around and do art and enjoy things, christmas shipping season's a bitch. I'll try to do something on my days off, and work should slow down soon I hope. I miss having the time to draw and enjoy it.

Unfortunately not from me, I don't have the time because of work, but  bluhellwulf is having a 3-piece, 60 dollar deal, and it really is worth it, take a look here www.furaffinity.net/view/12246894/

Her fully-finished work is amazing, and worth double the price of the charge for these.

For my mate  kogie this time.

No matter who I call owner, master... anything else, i only have one Mate. One person who gets everything honestly, only one who gets my unconditional heart in all it's love, passion, all those tries to console you every time even if you find it annoying now and then, and the only person I let myself be totally vulnerable around.

We've been through a lot of thin and rough, and even if things get strained, we always have each other's backs and care. We always take care of each other, and we always love each other no matter what else we feel at the time.

We know that it doesn't take perfect chemistry or sex to love someone, even if you get mad that I said that, I want to make the point that regardless of all that I still love you.

Here's to another three, another five, another ten, our whole lives. I love you wholly and unconditionally,and as much as the cat hisses and spits, he'll stay with you as long as you want him around.

I love you, babe.

Doing yesterday's order from my master Frost gave me an idea, and so I think I'll do one of these for each of my masters, summing up our relationships in one word, then giving a broader description and devotion.

---

For  maceblack

My first master after I'd become mates with Kogie, Mace has been a softer Master to my Pet Fur with a penchant for meeting some wilder fantasies. To date, he's played to more of our mutual kinks than anyone else, and given us help both in the real and internet worlds that we simply could not have gone on without. I owe him a pretty good debt, including the fact that we are currently living and working in his hometown because he let us come here when we were down, out, and paying 800+ a month in a trailer that was literally falling apart.

So thank you to the one who started the process of breaking me out of my shell, and several times literally saving mine and my mate from being homeless. I'll be a loyal pet as long as i'm possibly able.

If this offends or confounds you, move long please >.<

The simple truth is I was asked to do this, and I'm not overtly opposed to the idea.

---

My master Frost  dark-flame has brought me into his grace, and I want to thank him for it. Shortly after i was given up by a friend and playmate who went to purify his life with his religion, I was left with an insatiable spot, the one just left of my tail and below, if I've counted right, and I met my Master shortly thereafter who offered to fulfill that particular void.

I've been taught proper etiquette and several other things to properly put myself in the position of a Slave Fur (in play) and I have a lot to learn. Yes, i mess up, and yes, I am most assuredly punished for it, but then that's half the pleasure of the situation. Structure, pure and simple. I've found as a Master to my Slave Fur, he is unmatched in dominance and control, and I'm loving every minute of it, pleasure, pain, euphoria, and down-in-the-dirt beneath his feet humiliation. No one else takes me to the highs, and moreover the lows that he does.

So thank you master Frost for taking me under your whip. I hope I can make myself out to be worth your time.

---

Now, again, if you don't like it, and now you've read it despite my warning, feel free to see me for a further explanation of things.

So... I've put a few days' thought into this, and although the evidence was there I guess I hadn't considered it fully until today.

My biggest kink, to the point of constantly seeking it out, is being a pet and/or slave fur. I have 5 masters, 2 daddies, and even with my mate Kogie, our relationship started with my being his pet, and I still wear his and Mace's collars frequently as a matter of... comfort? I guess that's the best word for it.

Anyways, thinking out loud, feel free to talk with me about it or anything else.

~Tay the over-collared spottybutt signing out :3

Shame too, it was something i had a lot of fun with, but even if i made the time to, my computer had gotten to the point where i can no longer use a streaming program on it without freezing and crashes.

So yeah... sux. Maybe around tax time I can put my returns into a new one that can do... well one that can do like anything i need a computer to do.

I just want to know what people think of where I'm at art-wise. I've taken a harder look recently and there's several specifics I'd like addressed by outside sources if a few furs don't mind looking at my stuff.

1. The new lineworking:
~Is this whole finer sketching stroke working? Were the old thicker lines better?
Personally i like having pressure sensitivity available, but i think it makes the strokes and lines look a little weaker, this is my top concern with recent work.

2. Shading/Lighting/Effects work
~I've really only started giving earnest attempts at fully finishing things with lighting and shading, is it working, any advice?

I'm getting a hang of it more or less, but i think there's something I can be doing better I haven't tried or gotten used to yet.

3. Anatomy:

~ really i just want to know if it's getting better. I get to feeling like things are wonky here and there

4. Digital vs Traditional

~Does anyone have a preference with my work? Am I better with one or the other?


Thanks to anyone who takes the time for this, I can always use advice and I'm always open to critiquing!

Weekend too.

As of yesterday morning I was going to be working 30 hours. Got a call to work tommorrow, whatever, took it. i could stand 10 extra hours.

I go in today and found out I've been scheduled for saturday now too, all 10 hour shifts.

I'm not gonna get aaaaanything done this week cos of this crap QQ

Well... I'll try,

Talk to you all when I'm burnt out and sore on sunday!

What I posted this morning was out of an emotional breakdown I had. I'd said our situation was not his fault many times and I wish that whoever is getting after him would stop, and apologize if you feel up to it.

Things are hard for both of us here, there's a lot of problems but we do what we can and there are things that we just can't help.

He is diagnosed bipolar with learning and temperament issues. Ragging on him is not helpful to him, and definetely not to me when I'm already dragged down in the mud and have to try to lift him up so we can go about our day with some semblance of normalcy.

I love him, always and no matter what happens between us. If he and I never had sex again I wouldn't leave him, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt me or frustrate me.

It just doesn't take away from the real love we have.

While i appreciate anyone who meant well by defending me to him, please don't pour your vinegar in this wound.

Not for a while anyways, and here's every reason why.


I've got a new job. DONT.... DO. NOT. Congratulate me, say you're happy for me, tell me good job, or any of that bullshit. I'm working in a warehouse, hard manual labor that sends me home aching from head to toe every day, no exaggerating. It's good pay and nothing against people who work in this kind of plant, but...

I earned a motherfucking COLLEGE DEGREE and I'm doing FACTORY work. I should be able to find a desk job or... I don't know... like... something that applies to the last 4 years of my life I've spent earning that degree. This is consummate bullshit.

I've got no inspiration left at all, no drive to draw, color... anything. Even when I'm not reeling from conditioning into this job I spend that time seeking out little ways to find happiness, and half of those ventures fail. I just can't find the joy in making art that I did just last week.

And finally... I want to say nothing against the people in my life, partly being honest that I don't and partly to placate the ones I'm so mad with that I don't have to have them come back at me and see me do something I've only done a small handfull of times in my life. Lash back and be unrepentently, viciously, borderline violently angry.

That out of the way, I see the people in my life failing around on me one by one, a couple ways at a time. Call it petty, I don't care, but I am 23 years old living with my mate AND my master, and I haven't had honest to goodness sex in months. I always get told shut up when it comes to this point 'you've got toys' and 'sex isn't important in a relationshio' ...

.... we live in a house with an elderly woman and I'm never more than ten feet from someone in the house. how the fuck am I supposed to get into it and have a satisfying private moment? really?...

and you wonder why I'm so frustrated all the time?, REALLY?!

I'm not going to quote studies, give facts like I always do in arguments... this is basic human nature bullshit.

My last bastion of relief in all this that i seem to have found out this morning was keeping my last bit of sanity together has, for probably the 5th time this year since i met him decided to try to christianize his life and forgo sexuality. So now I'm left with noone to get it all out with unless someone shocks the hell out of me and steps up.

The worst part? Not a damn one of these issues has a quick or reasonable solution.

I want to be, like, a normal gay adult male? Too bad, the men in my life have emotional and physical damage and issues that prevent it and I live too closely with them and an old woman to get into a level of self-sex that would satisfy. Or even to act like a normal gay male or myself at all for that matter.

No one's fault, no real solution.

I want to live and work at the level I spent my life up till a year ago earning? Too bad, I live in the sticks in alabama with one out of three people that should be on disablility actually getting it and the other two left without jobs to no real fault of their own. So instead of working on art and game asset design like i went to college for? I'm breaking my back, arms, legs, hands, and feet in a plant just to earn enough to get by.

I can't move away, no money, too many and too strong ties here.

No one's fault, no real solution.

NOW LISTEN HERE!
 kogie ,  maceblack ,  landownwolf ,  maher ,  kyyrosthedragon , and  babyblue0795


I do not blame any of you, for any of this. Don't hate me because you were mentioned, if you were please. You all know me best, and you know where I'm supposed to be/typically am/was emotionally. This is just a really bad time in my life and I am genuinely miserable to some extent with every single aspect of my life.