I'm going to start taking pastels (fixative, etc.,) to art jams. I forgot how quickly I can arrive at images with them!

Also, the new sketchbook I'm making for commissions will be bound using barbed wire, (but it will be easy to use and safe.)

that's all

Pinkie Pie:
[ ] You’re the black sheep of the family.
[ ] You’re majorly hyper.
[ ] You love to siiiing!
[X] You’re known for throwing great parties!
[ ] You’re great at baking.
[X] People sometimes don’t get your jokes.
[ ] You’re a prankster troll.
[ ] You’re a super-intense personality.
[ ] You have strange pets.
[X] You are known to go to extremes.
Total: 3

Applejack:
[ ] You’re very stubborn. 1
[X] You find great joy in working.
[ ] You prefer the country to the city.
[ ] You speak with an accent.
[ ] You HATE cheating.
[ ] You have freckles.
[ ] You prefer casual wear rather than formal things.
[ ] You wear your hair in (a) ponytail(s).
[X] You have a large family.
[X] You have trouble lying.
Total: 3

Twilight Sparkle:
[X] You have a huge collection of books.
[ ] You value your alone time.
[X] You have trouble making friends.
[X] You are very intelligent.
[ ] You write letters regularly.
[ ] You find a lesson in everything.
[>] You have trouble doing things “the old-fashioned way.” 2
[ ] You’ve recently moved to a new town.
[ ] You’re rather sarcastic.
[ ] You’re often accused of being a know-it-all.
Total: 3.5

Rarity:
[X] You love being the center of attention.
[ ] You have a cat.
[ ] You sew well. 3
[ ] It’s well-known that you’re somewhat vain.
[X] You love the excitement of the city!
[X] You will overwork yourself to do something nice for your friends.
[ ] You wear makeup.
[ ] You’re prone to whining.
[X] You have original taste in fashion.
[X] You enjoy bonding with your besties <3
Total: 5

Rainbow Dash:
[ ] You love winning.
[ ] You like sports.
[X] You have a funky hair color.
[ ] You have fangirl tendencies.
[X] You have no problem speaking your mind.
[X] You will give up anything for your friends.
[X] You like being recognized for good things.
[X] You have no problem defying traditional gender-roles.
[ ] You act now, think later.
[X] You’re very brave.
Total: 6

Fluttershy:
[X] You HATE being the center of attention.
[ ] You struggle with sharing your mind.
[X] You love animals and help them however you can.
[X] You’re graceful.
[X] You’re very quiet or soft-spoken.
[ ] You have a secret mean-streak.
[ ] You’ve been told you could model.
[X] You’re the eldest of your friends. 4
[ ] You like wearing your hair loose and long.
[X] You’re very nurturing
Total: 6

1. I can be downright obstinate, but this is rather rare.
2. about 50/50 - sometimes, sometimes not
3. This will change over the next two weeks as I practice for a test.
4. Fluttersy is the oldest? Oh, she must go back to earlier seasons than the others? I do have older friends but those I rarely see, etc.,

What are they? I need some other twits to follow.

That's all!

I keep reading about how "cold" FWA was but I'm not sure what's meant by that. Could someone please explain what a cold con is? Once I know I can delete this journal.

Thanks!

Hay everyone!

Did anyone see my paintings in the FWA art show? If so and you have any comments, feel free to leave them here. I have no idea what anyone other than a couple of local friends thought of them and I'm really interested in feedback from furries. (This was the first time I've showed my art to a furry audience.)

Thanks. That's all.

Hay everyone!

Once again I've been really busy lately, especially with my mom visiting this past week. She leaves tomorrow though. I just carved out a little time today, (my birthday,) to say I'm alive and have been doing well. FWA's approach has brought my furry friends to the front of my mind even more than usual. This weekend I'm dropping a lot to get back to FA and working on furry stuff and getting ready.

Happy My-Birthday to everyone!

Thanks for everyone's support. This will be brief since I'm dealing with some related house repair emergencies and getting some rest.

Since I had entered the time wrong in my phone calendar I missed my doctor appointment on the 5th so I rescheduled for the 17th. I had some fun on an outing with friends and I 'm doing a little better. I'm not crying all day but still a good bit, sleeping a lot, sad and easily get depressed or over-happy. Also the recent increase in Paxil now seems to be a possible cause of weakness, tremors and a few other new things. I'm having more nightmares that are really violent but they're also filled with really pretty images at the same time. Tomorrow I will decrease my dosage by one half of the recent increase, in anticipation of my likely going off the drug slowly under my doctors care.

Thanks again to everyone and I'll get back here more soon.

The Paxil isn't working again. Since I've been back I've been sleeping constantly, exclusively, except for going to a New Years Eve party. I'm depressed and have no motivation or reason to do anything. On the 5th I see my doctor and will ask him about TMS therapy. While I was away I didn't get on FA except for a moment. I'll try to get the energy to catch up on here later today.

Why look here? It really is all. ;)

The holidays have been great for me so far. I've been in Florida with family. Last night something happened that gave me peace of mind and relief about recent trouble, (along with a warning, though, of possible difficulty ahead.)

Since I increased my Paxil (an SSRI anti-depressant) dosage a few weeks ago I've been feeling better and better. The irrationality I was experiencing has gone away too.

Well I accidentally just gave myself an unexpected Christmas present. Yesterday I forgot to take the pill. I realized this when I went to sleep. Just now I woke up from the most violent nightmare I've ever had. (Once I discovered I was dreaming I had to slash to pieces the bodies of children in order to escape and wake myself up!) Now I'm dizzy and the world seems to be moving back and forth. These and the other mental states mentioned here are all known side effects of Paxil withdrawl, as I now know.

Right before I started writing this I decided to Google "Paxil" and "nightmare". Wow! Do this yourself if you think I'm jumping to any conclusions below. - Quickly arriving at some answers isn't the same. Anyway, I need to find a way off of this stuff!

Over the last two months, before I increased my dosage, I became a lax in taking it and my schedule of when I did became completely random. (During my recent appointment my doctor told me that not being consistent with the time I take it can have great effects.)

The reason for my increase was a severe depression, in combination with the following apparently common withdrawal symptoms: irrationality (...just ask my room mate and a few select friends.) mood swings, suicidal thoughts (Though not "advanced" these were persistent.)

Also, I've not been able to sleep much or for long for quite a while. I ran out of Aderall several weeks ago. (I now have to refill maintenance medication with a mail-order pharmacy that my insurance company contracted with. It takes three weeks to get pills now.) After the typical few days of trouble staying awake, I thought it odd that the insomnia I had credited to that drug had returned.

Things are starting to click now. ...and I haven't even clicked on any of the links Google gave me.

About ten years ago I was experiencing some muscle pain that was unexplained. My GP and I thought that a likely cause was work related stress. (There was a lot at the time but I liked that it focused me at work and I had thought I wasn't bringing it home with me.) To make a long story short, it turns out that stress wasn't the cause for the pain. However before I knew this I went on Paxil, which was supposed to help. (off label?) It made me too happy. It was exactly like the Ren and Stimpy episode with the happy helmet. Well, as I titrated off, I became easily angered. That's significant since I am the most hard to anger person I've even heard of.

...so, I have a lot to research. It makes me happy to have gained some insight into what's been going on. However my doctor and I might have a rough time ahead. I noticed mention of a class action suit and Paxil withdrawal "success stories" and support groups. Before things went sour a few months ago, I was happier than I had been in a long time. At this point it's hard to know if I would be depressed without some sort of treatment, but I don't think my continuing with Paxil is a good idea.

I'm not even going to edit this for crammer. I wrote this very fast but things are so clear right now. I'll email it from my phone to mom's computer, spell check, post, and see if I can get a little more sleep.

Happy Holidays to all!

Please check out this campaign crated by  slashersivi http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2671855/

OK,

Without going into the boring reasons why, I'm no longer getting geared up to draw furry art. However recently I started painting three portraits of my closest furry friends, which I will submit to the FWA art show as well as giving them to those portrayed. Also I've barely started on donkey-suit work again, but I'm also figuring out how to attack things more efficiently with the project. The other furry project I will start soon is working on sculpted self portrait figures. I'll start with my normal fursona and move into hybrids. I may ask for others to dictate how the hybrid is constructed though. If these go fast enough I may open up for commissions. (I at least owe  kabukihomewood something since a very time-consuming photomorph has been on the shelf for a while.

Lately I've been thinking again of myself as certain hybrids. I'll probably commission some related artwork soon. It will give me something to have done while I wait a bit longer for a ref sheet. Below are the two I have in mind most often.

I'd love to spend my life with a human torso and four human legs - all covered with with a donkey coat, as well as the tail, privates, neck, and head of an ass, but with a Tapir nose, and four capybara hind feet, (maybe four beaver hind feet instead, or just possibly four human feet.)

Alternately I wouldn't mind being kangaroo with either:
my hind-limbs/paws and fore-limbs/paws switched - standing balanced with my torso horizontal on my normally-hind-leg-forelimbs and reaching forward around or between them, (but with with pig hooves instead of hand-paws,)
or better yet standing normally but with hind-legs/paws for both sets of appendages,
and with a neck as long as a giraffe's and donkey privates.

In either case I'd have buck teeth and an absurdly over-sized bare rump, of course.

...any of these sound better suited to who I am than the others? ...any other ideas?

It's better late than never I suppose, for me to mention that I have a furry-TF themed sound work and related prints in a group show in Staten Island. (Don't worry, there are historic carousels throughout the city which are playing the work also. You won't have to leave your borough.) It's actually been up a while but it runs through December: http://www.snug-harbor.org/newhouse.html

Duh - I actually just thought of posting this here.

 lw_wolfin, my roommate for the con, and I arrived Thursday night. One of the first things I did Friday morning was commission a cool badge from  skulldog and a necklace-badge from  painteddog Like a dumb-ass I didn't bring anything I packed since I didn't think I was going to attend the con - long story. In order to not feel invisible or out of place I needed some badges. Buying a generic tail and ear-hat helped too. Anyway, the only way I could pay for things was credit, and when I logged into PayPal on a con computer, the site asked for my bank account number to verify who I was while traveling. Painted Dog was completely understanding of this, which I really appreciate.

Throughout the con LW helped me de-stress a lot while things were going a bit haywire for me. He said that I didn't stress him out which is fortunate. When I got to Chicago my cell phone broke so I couldn't contact or keep up with people. However I ended up wandering around and managed to run into friends that way. Each time I'd make a few circuits I'd go back to my room for a while to attempt to avoid looking too creepy.

It was good to see  AnimeAmy and  PonyPonyPony do well in the Dealers Den too. I got to catch up with them. They're so great.  djsammehfox gave me her room number but the first two times I knocked she wasn't there and I was mistaken for a possible stalker. That's cool. - There was no way to avoid that and I knew I'd get proper introductions once I found her again. It was great to meet  drakonicknight and the others hanging around 462. Unfortunately I can't remember their names properly. They were all fun and interesting and deserve a mention. I'll find 'em eventually.

Saturday morning, (or was it on Sunday?) I woke up with an armband from a party on the 23rd floor. I'm told I had fun but I can't remember anything about it at all.

It was great to hang out with  DustyTheMare again and meet her new mate  kibashadowpaw He's got such a great since of humor. By the way getting lost finding the grocery store was actually fun for me.

Let's see, I briefly ran into  GypsyPony and I had a chance to catch up with  DraconicArcher. I was glad he got the humor I saw in my being tired of wearing the same tight pants day after day. Also, I can't overstate how great it was to run into  Hegdish and  drake before they had to leave for home. Hopefully I can find you guys and hang out more at some future event. When I saw them drake was locked into in SilverRacoon's Rust suit (rat) and Hegdish was trapped in a meerkat, which was another one-piece suit by SilverRacoon. …their humanity taken away. They really brought the suits to life and I was too thrilled to see them and meet the suit maker to get jealous of their predicament.

There was a good bit of time when I was depressed and crying in my room this con. There have been some stressors in my life lately and I always get jealous of suiters and couples. However what's important is that I had a lot of fun and got to spend some time with people who are important to me. …sorry to anyone I might have crossed paths with who didn't get a mention. - There was some drinking on my part so I'll use that as an excuse. Thanks for all the heartfelt hugs!

 knottyascot gets big props for taking care of my dog Woodruff as he wasn't able to miss school for MFF. Thanks for giving him such love and care while I was gone!

Hay,

A few of you I owe notes. Once I feel a little better I'll get on it. I've been sick for a bit but I got a Z-PAK today so I should feel better soon. It's not been that terrible actually, but it has kept me in bed a lot. Thank you for bearing with me.

Hee-*cough*cough*cough*-H, , , …h-chew!

Hay everyone,

Well, I've been away a while, but I'm back now. Here's my confession: For a while I've been avoiding being online much because I've been depressed and haven't had the energy to be social through the Internet. During this time I distracted myself by working with my mineral collection. Anyway, it was silly for me to avoid online social activity since it's loneliness that has been making me depressed. I apologize for being away but I think of you guys often and do care, even if I don't keep up. I'm going to start seeing a therapist about my loneliness and shyness. Lonely people tend to do things that alienate friends and make people think that they don't want human contact, and I'm as guilty of that as anyone I guess. This probably sounds odd. Certain psychological problems are generally misunderstood or not thought about which only makes sense. I doubt I know a single person who thinks that I have a "real" problem being shy, or understands my being lonely. Well, I love everyone, but today, on behalf of everyone who is shy in the way I am, I feel like saying "f#@* you" to everybody. - This is a real f#@*ing problem with real effects and I'm tired of being told I just need to get over it and not be shy. Everyone says they're shy too, but there's a difference between someone like me and someone who might not get what they want but still gets hit on, has people want to hug or even cuddle them, etc., Anyway, I'm going to try therapy and I'm hoping it will help. …sorry for that little unexpected rant.

NEW (and semi-new) PROJECTS:

Tonight or this afternoon, after I catch up on FA, FB, etc., I'm going to get my studio back in order. The rest of the upstairs portion of my house is finally mostly in order again, after a few years of semi-chaos. What getting my studio back in order means is that I can stop saying, every so often, that I'm going back to suit work, and actually do it. There's no good reason for anyone to believe I will, since I've cried wolf so many times. However I'm excited and hope to post some sort of WIP pics before long.

Also, I have decided to get back to drawing and start doing furry art. It will take me at least a few months to get back to drawing well, and I need to re-learn anatomy, etc., I'll be practicing a lot, but I'll not be good enough to let people see anything for a while, my guess is about six months. It's exciting to think that I'll have something that might give me a real presence in the furry community. (It seems like furs tend to see each other more as real living and emotional beings when they can draw each other. From what I gather, when furs draw themselves in little groups, they typically only include other furs who are also artists, or maybe fursuiters. At any rate, getting back in practice will also help me get back to my painting, and should give me a great way to meet more furs and be more engaged in the scene.

Perhaps I should mention that I'm also going to familiarize myself with anime and Pokemon. For a while I've wondered about anime, I saw my first example last night, and someone told me that I "should" get to know about Pokemon. No reason was given but none is needed. It looks interesting enough on it's own.

Oh yeah, I'll be at MFF!

That's all. Thanks for reading.

It was great for me, and a lot of fun.

I got to know some furs much better and met some new friends. Due to the new hotel's layout and my hanging out, there were a lot of people I missed running into. However getting close to some people and breaking into a little local group was a quiet but landmark event for me. It was the latest of a series of important positive life changes that have taken place in the last few months.

Also, most of the small number of folks I know who are interested in pet play and seeing an eventual re-emergence of a local scene, were in attendance. This was really nice to see also.

I'll post a few pics soon, hopefully tonight.

Hay everyone.

For a few months now I have been really busy working on a sound piece that is due in mid-April. (It will be exhibited in Staten Island starting in June.) Also I've been doing some images that go along with it. For the visual component, I've been spending a good bit of time building in second life. I'll bring that stuff together with photos and drawings in photoshop later.

At any rate I'll be taking a big break for FWA. …no time to work on suit stuff for it but it will be good to get away from the work for a while.

That's my news for now.

I had to use that subject line 'cause one of the songs from the Todd Runndgren LP with that title, has been in my head today.

Anyway, the GeorgiaFurs Halloween Party I thought was tomorrow night, was last Saturday night. Anyone know of anything around Atlanta, (maybe neighboring states,) going on this weekend? been kind'a lonely

I feel so silly. An entimologist (sp?) who has studied bed bugs* came out today and spent twenty minutes inspecting and talking to me. I have no bed bugs. What I thought were bites are chiggars. (sp?) In my defence, I do have lots of them and some are in lines. When I get my computer back online I'll post a pic of some of them. Please forgive any spelling mistakes by the way, I'm posting from my phone.

My new modem should arrivd today.

*Family friends come in handy sometimes.

...I got 'em, along with hundreds of bites. Erradication is likely to be a tough battle. I've done a lot of travelling lately, and I have a pretty good idea where I picked them up. I used to take headboards off beds, etc., to check before accepting rooms but lately I've slacked off. It's a couple of days into the fight. It's a most annoying problem.

BTW I'm still on my phone and not doing much on FA. My home Internet connection should be up by next Monday though.

OK, since AT&T has screwed up my account on a regular basis, and recently charged my MasterCard four times for one payment while disconnecting my internet for non-payment, I'm switching providers. It will be another seven to ten days before my Mac is online again. While I'm waiting I'll be checking FA from my phone and my ex-wife's computer from time to time, but won't really be active. I have stuff to post but it will have to wait.

Pony Play Camp was great. I really needed time to relax and I stayed an extra day just to sleep after it was over. Over the course of the week one really gets to know people a bit more than at a hectic furry convention. Both are great though, of course.

The board of the organization that hosts the event wants me to plan something for furries. What's great is that the facilities are privately owned. The whole week of Pony Play only cost about $80, with lodging and meals (which were great) included. ...and if I couldn't pay that much the group would have worked it out for me to attend anyway.

I figure I'll figure out something that will not be a duplicate of an event that already exists, at least in the Southeast. There are some workshop facilities and 70 acres of private land with fields and woods. I have some thoughts already but any ideas would be welcome.

One last note about camp: I was told that I seemed much happier and healthier than last year. Also, the other day my GP, who had seen me two months ago for my physical, said I seemed happier, healthier and "more coordinated" than I did just that long ago. I don't know what's up but I'm not complaining.

FYI, I will be away from FA from tomorrow until at least the night of Monday, September 20. Nobody is expecting anything from me during that time so most likely nobody would think anything had happened, but just in case someone notes me tomorrow...

With all the bad news these days it's nice to see so much good news recently from my friends on FA. ...an engagement, a birthday and a possible new diggs!

Anyway, it's no surprise that I can wake up my dog with his "good morning" song. ...but last night I discovered that I can actually put him to sleep with his "good night" song. -:)