You Know, This is Kinda Hard Right Now...

Not in an apocalyptic way. I'm not saying that my life is hell like some months ago. On the contrary, as much as I have my ups and downs, my situation has been getting better, mostly when it comes to my mental health and anxiety. My husband, as amazing as he always is, helps me give a smile and go through my darkest thoughts. And for the friends who are still with me even in my worst moments and my anxiety crisis, I cannot be more grateful to have friends like you! <3

Does it mean I will be back posting on this FA page and my Qinter page? Eh, it's complicated, mostly since I have to think about small stories for each of them, and my commission backlog is intimidating... though this is a conversation for another time!

But now, this is about another subject, and this journal is going to be long. I will make a TL;DR at the end of it if you don't want to go through this novel haha

Context

This is a subject I began to talk with some friends some days ago, even if I got this feeling for months now. In an outsider point of view, it will probably sound foolish and trivial, but as a major part of my life, I consider it important to face this situation once and for all and be honest with myself.

What should I do with Jackrow, my dragon who represents myself in this fandom for as long as 12 years now?

To give you all some context, I created him in 2013 at the age of 13 years old. His general design came from elements I loved and represented myself at the time, which included characters in the fandom I loved, my favorite color, my horoscope sign, my favorite animal, and more. No character design considered in his look, only the "cool factor". Nevertheless, I grew pretty close to this design because it represents myself. in fact, he was me!

So when I noticed recently that people I met shrug in front of this design. Even some said that the design was straight up bad. I couldn't help but feel hurt about it. I've often heard that Jackrow is cute, which this is great, but never interesting, cool, hot. I don't know if it's because of these reactions or just my own personal taste (probably both to be honest), but the more I look at him, the more I notice some details that bothers me. When I look at artworks I get with Jackrow, sometimes I wondered if making his whiskers longer would be better, if desaturating his blue fur would look more natural, if his horns should be longer... In general, I feel like his design is too kidish, too innocent for what I am now.

Okay, but if these are minors details, why not just make the changes and make a 2.0 Jackrow?

This is a fair question, but it comes with way more complications because, well, these are not just minors details. I would change him to be only an eastern dragon with a heavier focus on tea and magic books. There would be a lot of changes when it comes to his anatomy (SFW and NSFW wise), his color palette (more interesting and natural), his features that will make him look less like a chimera and more aesthetic. You got the point.

So you want to redesign him, gotcha. Why are you hesitating?

My main doubts come in 4 parts, and I will elaborate my thought process for each of them here.

1. Throwing Money In The Trash
As you know, I use this character as my main fursona for a long time now, which mean that I got a lot of commissions with him... okay, way less than all the copyrighted characters artwork I commissioned in the past years, but you got the point. Ha ha! I feel that if I do these changes, I have the impression of throwing these artwork in the trash, that they are not worth it anymore because these are the old version of Jackrow, not the current one. And some of them are very precious to my heart, including those with my husband's characters and those of artists who never or close to never do commission anymore. Someone told me to see this as another character, which as much as this is a good idea to get around this feeling, I don't want to supervise another character in the long list I already have.

2. Oops, a plush is coming my way!!!
One of my long await project is a HUGE plush of Jackrow. The problem? It's his current design, and I got the quote according to his current design. Since she will begin to work on it only next month, I can negotiate with her to do it in some months with a better design, and pay the new price, but asking her to change the plan seem so intimidating and disrespectful... Plus, I will have to quickly find someone to make a reference sheet of the new design so she has a visual of what I want now. I can try, but I don't know if I should.

3. Killing the character
I understand that this part is more an emotional and personal reason that defied any logic reasoning. I would lie if I said I hate the current design. In fact, I really love how cute he is! So silly and pettable, I want to hug him all day! This dragon is still very close to my heart, he is my precious baby boy. The problem is I feel like I'm killing my own creation, that I'm admitting that he's not good anymore. In a way it hurt me to know he has to change, it's scary. And what if it didn't work, that this new design is just not good enough for me? It's like making a jump in a hole without knowing its depth, it's intimidating.

4. Wait... who are you?
This one is a quick one since I never intended to be a popufur nor do I need this recognition for a business or something similar. Mostly I was thinking about the fact that people who know me before would be weird out if I change Jackrow's design so abruptly. Maybe those people will think he's uglier, that "it was better before". I guess this one is more related to my anxiety.

From all that, I'm faced with a very though choice, which it's the reason why I'm making this journal in the first place. I want to know what you think about it. Should I redesign Jackrow? How should I proceed to do it? Did you go through this problem in the past and what did you do? Any design tip to share?

Sorry for the loooooooooooog journal today! Thank you so much for reading it all and giving me your opinion, it means a lot to me!
Have a nice day!

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TL;DR

- I'm hesitating to change Jackrow's design entirely, a part due to other people's perception on him and many details that weird me out these days.
- The actual design of Jackrow was made 12 years ago when I was young, immature and unaware of design rules in general
- Jackrow's redesign is not just some minor details to change. It includes a new color palette, a new species, removed/added features and more. I love the current design, but I feel like he needs a lot of changes to be better, more handsome, more masculine, but still cute.
- Four reasons why I'm hesitating to do the redesign:
1. I will have to throw the old commissions in the trash since it doesn't represent his design anymore, including very important pieces for me or commissions from people not making them anymore.
2. A plush maker is going to make a HUGE plush of Jackrow (in his current design) and I feel bad to tell her to change the plan because of that (even if she has not touched my project yet)
3. Doing this change feel like I'm killing a character that I loved so much and grew up with.
4. Fear of people not recognizing me and thinking my old design was better

What should I do? Do the change or keep my design anyway? Talk to the plush maker or let it go with the old design? Design tips? What's your opinion on this situation?

My Hatchday

Yeah! Since today (November 17th), I have lived a quarter of a century in this planet!

I have seen some people writing a detailed summary of what happened during their last year, I just simply don't like to share my personal life with strangers haha (no offense to you of course!). Let's just say that, during my 23rd year, a lot of pretty nice things and experiences came up to me until September as everything crashes and I lost a lot of things I considered important in my life. My 24th was mostly the repercussions of these losses: feeling isolated, very bad mental health, questioning a lot about myself & my future. At least, this is going better on my end, and I hope next year I will gradually recover from these losses and be a better dragon!

All in all, even if I'm working today, I will enjoy my hatchday to its fullest!

Happy hatchday to myself! Have a nice day all! :D

Oh oh! Time For Good/Bad News...

Yep, I'm kinda back! I know that the last time you saw my journal was when I did my ads for my writing account. Let's say that the preparation for this is going pretty fine, but more of this soon! First, I will talk about the bad news so it's out of the way!

It's Only Goodbye For Now

Close friends of mine know how knotty my financial situation is. Losing my job and being in a quite deep burn-out complicated quite my life since some times. At least, my youth let me try new experience which is already more stimulating than my last job. All of this to say that due to this instable financial situation, this account will be on hiatus when it comes to get some commissions. This is something sad for sure, mostly because I don't know how much time it will last (one week, one month, one year maybe?). For now, I'm waiting after the last few ones and I will post them here as it goes. If you were following me for this, I'm sorry for the inconvenience.

However, this will give me the time to finally put more effort on my submissions' description. I will try to make them more complete and more detailed, like small stories! Since I was thinking about opening "description stories" commissions one day, it's a good way to have a kind of portfolio for this!

What's now?

Right now, aside of a part-time job, I'm dedicating my time to my writing account,   Penny_Ink ! I'm putting a lot of effort on multiple things, including making a Discord server (French & English!), creating a company and all the paperwork I have to do for this, working on my stories and even making a completed Ko-Fi! It was refreshing to do a lot of different tasks while seeing a progression through the process!

Good News: It's finally done and ready to go!

I'm making at this moment a Wings of Fire erotica fanfiction series called Wings of Desire! Interested in what I've been working on? Here are some example:
- Just Friends : https://www.furaffinity.net/view/56417062/
- Too Hot : https://www.furaffinity.net/view/57260473/
- Sex Lessons : https://www.furaffinity.net/view/57430517/

If you want to support me with a donation, or even gain some perks by being a monthly supporter, you can do it on my Ko-Fi https://ko-fi.com/penny_ink
From only $5, you get:
- Your username under my stories as a Ko-Fi supporter;
- An access to chapters before their public release;
- A Ko-Fi supporters' exclusive Discord server where you can chat with me, see WIPS and read my stories before everyone else;
- A chance to give me requests for the Fanfiction Requests Poll each 3 months;
- And more!

I set a goal that if I get $200/month on Ko-Fi, I will get stickers/emojis for my Discord server :D

I know: this is again an ad for my writing account, and I'm sorry if it bothers you. I would be the happiest dragon on Earth though if you look at it a bit. Maybe you will find something you might enjoy!

Thank you so much for reading my journal! Have a nice day! ^w^

Hello Everyone!

I will take a little bit of your time to talk about a project I've been working on since some years now. That's right, I change my career to be a full-time writer :D If you want to see what I've been working on, go check this account!

 Penny_Ink  Penny_Ink  Penny_Ink

For now, I'm mostly focusing on a small story collection called Wings of Desire (which are adult fanfictions of Wings of Fire), but I'm also working on an original story on the side! :D

I hope you will enjoy the content! Your support will be very appreciated!

Thank you so much! ^w^

Yep, I'm back!

^{Like if someone cares}

I have made my last (cringey) journal 5 years ago, and I'm officially back! A lot of things happened in 5 years, which I will not detail since it's private. But if, for some reason, you remember my past description, you will notice that a lot of things changed! There were a lot of good things and a lot of bad things, but in the end, everything is going well!
The reason I'm making this journal is to tell you guys what it's going to happen in this page and also some quick news! So, what are we waiting for? Let's go!

Why were you quiet for 5 years?

Without talking too much about my private life, I just felt that I began to be way too much disconnected with the IRL stuff that was happening to me. I decide to disconnect for FA and some Discord server for some time. And for this, I'm really sorry if I didn't write to some of my online friend for some time!
Does it mean I will be as active as before? Not really! I will begin to write in some Discord servers and to chat with some old friends, but I will try to be more in the IRL stuffs to be honest!

Okay, but since some years, I saw you bidding on YCH and commissioning some artists! What does it mean?

Indeed, I bid on some YCH or commission some artists. Sometimes it was for my own characters, but I honestly prefer commissioning fanarts. It makes me feel better doing it because more people will enjoy the same thing as me and, let's be honest, I simp for some characters haha! It doesn't mean you will not see Jackrow and his friend in an artwork from time to time!

The main reason why I commission/bid on YCH was because I'm creating an archive page on FA about a Wings of Fire ships that I love! My goal is to provide to anyone who like them a page where they can see all the artworks about them! I know that some of you who are watching me did this to see my Winter x Qibli stuff, which is great!

If you are a big fan of Qibli and Winter, don't hesitate to look at this page!
 Qintart

That's great, but what about writing?

That's a good question! If I stopped to post here, it doesn't mean I stop writing. It's the opposite! I continue to write my stories, which I'm far prouder of them that my old stories, haha! The thing is I write in a pen name in another website which is made for writing (because, let's be honest, FA is not a good platform for this kind of art sadly). Maybe I will post some stories here, but I'm not sure!

What's the future of this page?

For now, you can expect a huge art dump in the next days! I wanted to showcase a little bit what I've commissioned so everyone can enjoy them and also do some advertising for all the great artists I've commissioned in the past 5 years! At the same time, I will update my profile so it will look better! Maybe I will put some stories here, but I'm not sure about it. When I will feel comfortable, maybe I will show you what I've been working on the other website?

Don't forget to look at my other page  Qintart for some Winter x Qibli interactions!

Yup! I finally write an english story for you guys ;) I know that it's not everybody who like incest, but I hope that at least you will like that :D Plus, I correct this story the most that I can, but it's very possible that there're sone grammatical errors X3 But it's a story that I have a lot of pleasure to write

Good reading time guys!

***

Pour cette partie, il est normal que c'est écrit en français (comme la dernière partie du titre de ce journal sois-dit en passant ;) ). C'est parce que je suis, d'une certaine manière en pleine réflexion. En effet, j'hésite de publier entre deux histoires en FRANÇAIS et j'ai besoin de votre avis pour m'aider à me guider.

#1 Je ne peux vous cacher que je suis un TRÈS grand fan de Les Royaumes de Feu (Wings of Fire ou WOF en anglais) et j'ai commencé il y a un bon bout de temps une fanfiction en plusieurs chapitres dont j'aimerais beaucoup continuer cette histoire. En même temps, j'avoue, les personnages principaux (Comète et Lassassin) sont en couple (parce que, bon, j'adore ce ship hehe X//3). Mais bon, en voyant ce que je fais ici, je parie que vous êtes déjà habitué aux couples gay ahah >u<.
En bref, on suit l'aventure de Comète et de Lassassin qui doivent enquêter sur le potentiel assassinat de la reine Gloria sans savoir qu'ils se sont, en fait, embarqué dans quelque chose d'encore plus sombre. L'histoire est soit Général ou 13 et plus tout dépendant de ce qui va se passer dans cette histoire, je ne sais pas encore X3

#2 C'est une histoire que j'ai tout conçu moi-même qui se trouve dans un univers the Dark Fantasy. Elle est, comparé au premier choix, plus sombre et plus psychologique. Cependant (et c'est pour ca que je doute), le personnage principal ainsi que la très grande partie des personnages qu'on croise sont des humains. Cependant, les ''loups-garous'' qui sont des anthro loup sont les seuls à mettre un peu de furry dans cette histoire. Et aussi, il n'y a pas de couple gay, ni d'histoire d'amour tout court XD Cette histoire est assurément 13 et + pour la violence et les sujets perturbants dans cette histoire, mais c'est quelque chose que j'ai autant envie d'écrire XD
En résumé, les humains sont envahis et peu à peu décimés par les vampires. Paniqués, ils s'enferment dans leurs villes en attendant que des chasseurs de vampire déciment tous les vampires sanguinaires. Arianna, un paladin aux pouvoirs puissants et chasseuses de vampires, est, selon l'Église, la Légende qui sauvera l'humanité. Cependant, personne n'a prévu l'assaut des loups-garous dans leur ville et de se retrouver au beau milieu d'une bataille aussi sanguinaire que jamais. Face à tous ces événements, Arianna va-t-elle réussir à sauver le tragique destin de l'humanité ou va-t-elle elle aussi être décimée avec ses congénères?

Voilà, dites moi ce que vous en pensez et j'espère que vous appréciez ces idées :D

Happy Chistmas guys!! :D I hope to you all the best!! Healt, money, family,etc. It's very important :)

Today, I published a story. It's a gift of my dear friend  DragonsLover with a lot of foot fetish stuffs. A beautiful moment between his fursona and a Diablo he Rex's character, Bolt! Thanks so much  Diablo_the_Rex to allow me to use your character! :D It was a pleasure to put him in my story ;)

Yay!! My first journal!

Aside from that, I finally posted my first story! Yay! It's sure it's a little story, but it can help you to know how I am good (or bad depending of your opinion) at writing! And yes, my story is in French X3 I'm very sorry for you english friends but don't worry, some english stories will be there soon ^w^

I hope that you will enjoy it!