No really, but man it's a pain in the ass.

The "Sketch Evolution Project" is till on-going, I just don't want to put any more versions of it here because it's just getting silly. Every time I look at my art I see another anatomy error. I just fixed a big problem with the arms and the hips. Was it this frustrating for everyone?

So I stumbled on a little Digimon video game that features a Digimon called Mastemon. She's a fusion of Angewoman and Deviwoman. Okay, it's not that origional, but the fusion of light and dark is something close to my heart. It doesn't hurt that they evolved from cats.

I'm so tempted to draw Jan wearing Mastemon's outfit.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tzpQAE2Tn5o

Today My phone was stolen from my hand. Without thinking I tried to stop him and only got several fits in the face. I'm angry, sore, sad. Every single negative feeling I've ever had is flooding me right now. I don't know what do to other than change my passwords and beg Sprint for a new phone, (I'm not insured, stupid me.)

I just saw the end to 'Friendship Games". While it's not explicitly said, I have a strong feeling my favorite ship of Twilight and Sunset seems to be a little more valid, not to mention the transformations... well they are far better than they were. Some fanart will most certainly be required.

So today was, perhaps, one of the hardest days of my life.

I have a very close friend, practically a sister, who had to move out of her apartment due to financial problems. It has displaced two other people I deeply care about. Today I spent the entire day helping my friends move their belongings into storage and watch them go their separate ways.

I'm glad to see they all have the emotional maturity to understand the situation, I don't think there is too much bad blood between any of them. Come to think of it, the pain of separation pretty much solidifies how much we love each other. I think that, in time, we'll be close again. It's going to be a few years of rebuilding and getting stronger for all of us, but hopefully in later years we can settle back in.

I just think each of us needs to get stronger. In a way, this is necessary.

Whenever I role played as a herm at least half of the people I met assumed my dick was the size of a horse. I blamed that on the insane art of Doug Winger. That aside, he was a great artist in his own odd-ball way, and someone I really wanted to meet. The furry community is a little less weird due to his passing, and that in my opinion is a tragedy.

I'll have to sketch something in his honor soon.

I'm not strange because I want to be, It's just the way I'm comfortable. Because I have to accept my oddity, I have to accept the occasional rejection that will come from it. Never the less, it's still painful to feel.

I've grown old enough to accept me for me, but that never dulls the sting of hearing the words "That's just to odd for me", or "The whole split-look is too much for me." You just don't want to hear things like that. I guess what I am asking is this. How to you handle people reacting to your own oddities? Feel free to vent and discuss.

I've tried this twice now and no luck. I am trying to submit an animation and the darn thing will not actually play. Can anyone help a cat out?

I just want to give all my love and respect to talented artists out there. When you really try to make something worth while, an appreciation for the naturally talented and dedicated of the art world can grow quite a bit. I've been working on one bloody image for so long that I've just grown tired of trying to make it work. I have other things to do in my life and the effort is just getting in the way. At some point I'll commission someone to do a better version of my concepts, though for now the rough idea will just have to do.

It really is natural talent, that's the only conclusion I can come up with. I'll continue to sketch and doodle as I've always done, though perhaps focus on more rough ideas and concepts. To those who appreciate what I do, thank you deeply. I'm not the best at responding to shouts, comments, and favorites, but every little pick-me-up helps a great deal.

A looong time ago an artist was kind enough to draw my character. He added the song "Zweitter" to the background. Sadly I can 't seem to find that anywhere in my own archives. If anyone happen to save it or post it please let me know.

I'm not quite ready to show an update to my current fan art project, but I just want to say how nice it is to get back into art. Doing a full work and not just a character sheet is very refreshing, I only hope I can find more time to work on things and better my skills.

If there is any theme in my life it is 'going my own way in spite of whatever is popular'. It is almost as if I'm either an accidental hipster, or just someone utterly disconnected with the rest of the world. There are a handful of people out there that really seem to like me and what I draw while most tend to avoid me, or kindly dismiss things. I'm not insulted nor do I feel bad for how I express myself, but I do find it very curious.

So many people find the contrasted colors of my character off putting, others would rather I have her member circumcised, others would like her penis to be humongous, and of course some see herms as just 'too much going on down there'. I really can't please anyone fully and I've long ago given up even trying to appeal to others. Still, there are times it feels like I'm really losing touch with other people.

It's natural to be wanted, to feel surrounded people who like you or who admire your work. I can understand why some artists go for popular content and things that are not that challenging to others. Some do it for the money so they go for what sells, I don't blame them. It's just, at times I have to fight to urge to downgrade myself, make myself more acceptable to as many people as possible. It's an immature need I've fought for a while and one I still struggle with. For now I'll just remain a proud freak and appreciate those who appreciate me.

This is something I wonder when trying to draw. I work on it but quite often it never turns out quite the way I wanted. I draw something and I think I have it down only to return the next day and see all the flaws. I just wonder how much of a struggle art was and how it is for established artists.

Me and my other house mate live in Gardena, Ca. It's a very nice place with a calm neighborhood, green, and very accessible. We need someone who is willing to pay $500 plus utilities, but are willing to reduce the rent in exchange for handy man duties.

We are pet friendly so long as ours and yours get along/willing to keep them separate. We don't smoke, but you can within your room if you wish. We're both very calm furs with no drama issues, and enjoy a drama free environment. If you're interested then please note me. If things go well, then we can meet at a Starbucks and then take a look at the house.

It came to me in the shower. Alfred seems like an interesting character and needs more backstory. I would love to write him as an ex agent for Interpol, something like 007 though less of a playboy. Batman, Robin, and the rest of the batty team are injured and it's up to Alfred to dust off his skills and clean up Gotham. Dressed in a black bowler hat, long coat, domino mask, and armed with a black titanium cane, he cleans up the streets in a somewhat posh sort of way.

I would have his fighting style be more reactive. A bad guy rushes him, he makes a few moves of his hands and throws them across his shoulder without creasing his vest. Of course he wouldn't be perfect, age being a factor. More on that later, I have to get to work.

I know there are some jobs you just hate to do, and for me, putting on my uniform feels like a lead weight sometimes.

Okay, so I'm going to be very vague for the sake of my rl self and my company, but I'll just say I work the sort of security job that isn't your stereotypical cake walk. My days range everywhere from insanely boring to absolute crisis, each moment making me more unsure which one it will be. One day a drunk may fall and break his or her head open, there may be a sexual assault, there may be a dumb old lady who get's angry because she can't find her Land Rover and wants to file a fucking theft report before we are half way done looking. Every day is another problem, and every day those problems try to become *Your* problem. Oh, and trust me, you never fully see the depths of stupid until you've seen someone both drunk and on holiday.

Between the employee and customer politics, drama, uncertain future, rude disgusting guests, dealing with people not unlike my alcoholic parents, unprofessional/impractical coworkers, ugly uniforms, insane and shifting hours, lack of respect by both client and customer, and general moronic behavor, I'm about ready to throw up my hands and scream bloody murder. I've had nearly a decade of this bullshit and things only tend to be getting worse, mostly thanks to the dunder headed acts of my ex coworkers and the over reactive decisions of management.

I dream of getting out of here, of having a job that I can finally save money with and one day retire. Ironically, you need money to get anywhere, and you need to get somewhere to get money... or be able to run back to mommy and daddy like I've seen some people do. I'm not judging you, I'm just jealous.

Okay, I've vented some so I feel a little better.. still.. Any real change in my life is months away, and even then it's a long way to a better life..

I can remember a decade ago this was the worst holiday apart from X-mass. I don't have a family or a lover, and I still don't to this day, and yet I find myself reacting to these things in a very different way now. Ten years ago I could get about as depressed as anyone could imagine, in fact at this point I actually had to take Paxil and shut down my emotional center chemically just to get though that entire time. When I wasn't medicated, I was spiteful to anything that depicted love or even the sight of lovers... now.. it doesn't bother me in the least.

I have a prime example close to me right now, a former love interest from my early 20's. She is now in a committed lesbian relationship, and though she has no problem with multiple relationships, chooses to remain monogamous to her girlfriend for her sake. There was a time I would do anything to be loved by her in that way, but that was so many moves and so many life-changes ago. I'm not the same person I was back then, and she's changed some herself. I still love her, but now it feels more 'right' for me to prove that love by stepping my desires back and thinking about her needs. I suppose that age makes you a little less self-centered, and you learn what it truly means to have someone in your life. I love my friend deeply as I love all the people who have touched me emotionally though my life. Any moment of cheap pleasure can't really replace that.

I still look on at romantic valentines day sentiment as complete bullshit, but I give it more respect when people are more honest about it. Valentines day is about puppy love and fucking, I say just let it be and stop pretending it's about the start of a long lasting relationship. Love takes time and sacrifice, not chocolates and edible panties.

I suppose the heart of the matter is that I've come to understand what love is, and what it isn't. If only I understood that ten years ago.

(If you think I meant 'Free Porn', then you mistook the context and should be ashamed :p)

I was going though artists I watch recently when I came across this journal.
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4269129/

In essence, Max's art was taken from him due to 'obscenity laws' and suspicion of Bestiality. I could go on forever how the TSA is a band of paranoid thugs, but I would like to concentrate my rant towards the so called depiction of obscenity and bestiality.

First off, I hate the legal definition of 'depiction'. I can understand if someone get's busted for actual photos of children, that's evidence a real and serious crime has been committed, but fictional pictures of fictional beings are a universe apart from photography of pedophilia. Fictional people are fictional, there is no one to defend and no one to protect. Fictional species are fictional, there is no objective criteria to determine the sentience of a fictional being. In a nutshell, Max's art harms no one other than the frail tastes of people who should have never seen them in the first place.

There is this whole 'bestiality' issue as well. I'm not going on a rant about Zoo, but I want to talk about the context behind it. If we are going to treat fictional beings as subject to 'obscenity laws', then let's consider their full implications. The level of maturity within a house pet or farm animal is debatable, their ability to learn or mastery of human adult concepts makes for a pretty nasty debate that devolves into flame wars. Anthros' on the other hand, are typically depicted as having every feature of human intelligence available. To consider them inferior would be *ahem* specious and tantamount to the dehumanization of African Americans on basis of skin color. (Assuming the level of sentience is a valid factor in consent). Of course, there can't be a debate on if Anthropomorphic being are sentient enough to be considered equal to humanity because *they do not exist*. All laws applying to them and fictional things like them are moot and pointless, even if referencing real-world things.

What I'm saying is simple. A legal definition of 'depiction' should only apply to photographs of actual living beings. If there is an real living and breathing victim out there, then we have an objective basis for some sort of crime. What we have in this case is a dizzying load of conceptual problems treated as if they already exist and were already decided on. Somewhere out there, your dreams have been though a kangaroo court, and the thought police has found you guilty.

(Quick note: I'm sorry if this isn't a furry topic. Normally I save things like this for a live journal, but I hardly ever use that thing anymore. I also want to apologize for how political this is. Even if you don't agree with me, I hope you'll find it in your heart to be my friend and give me good arguments if you see fit.)

Also SPOILER ALERT If you haven't seen the movie I'm about to mention, then stop reading if you hate spoilers.

I just finished watching a movie called "Superman Vs. The Elites", a story that pits the "Truth and Justice" model of Superman against a philosophy that's more friendly towards the death penalty. I honestly have to ask myself which side I would really be on, and it's a hard line to draw.

The animation covered some subtle details that makes the debate very interesting. You have three characters, Superman, A group of metahumans called "The Elite", and a reoccurring bad guy named "The Atomic Skull". There's also international tensions between two made-up countries, but that's beside my point. Superman and the Rival group continually argue over the idea of either incarcerating the bad guy, or simply killing him on the spot. The Atomic Skull kills several people before he is in prison and afterwards, making it seem that Superman's idea of Justice simply doesn't work. It also shows The Atomic Skull in a cell, stuck in one little box for an undetermined amount of time with a quote "This isn't human".

I think the argument pivots on the bad guy. After superman stops him we see him in a cage, devoid of all freedoms because society simply can't trust him with it. The only time The Atomic Skull get's freedom, he uses it to kill more people. He isn't both free and the world safe until he's killed by The Elite.

I have a close personal friend who has suffered the loss of a relative, a rape/murder. The man who did it is still in prison and thankfully not eligible for paroll for a long time. I know that man is rotting in a box right now, perhaps even being raped in prison himself. There is some part of me that feels for him, but a larger part of me that doesn't ever want him to see the light of day. It is nice to say that we all simply want everyone to live and let live.. but where is the limit to that? When do we say "I cannot have you living in my world." When is an sentiment like that really justified?

I think of the ones who committed the crime. For whatever reason, they may never change. Some things that have been done, we could never take the chance of having our trust betrayed again. This puts us in a hard situation. Do we allow men and women to rot in boxes, or do we simply end their lives and the misery they cause for themselves and others.

I don't pretend to have the answer, and I'm still bothered by it. I know one thing, anyone intends to hurt my friends, or the friends of my friends, or those who would care for me as I for them, then I would do whatever should be done.

This has always been an issue with me, and I imagine several others. As you know, Artists can be one of the most ephemeral personality types there are. Artists have the habit of changing their art style, personality, and identity of themselves and their characters at completely random times. One example has to be the redesign of the SkunkWorks girls, but I'm sure you can think of several others.

On one hand, I understand the need to reinvent characters. I've been guilty of reinventing my own persona several times now, and I'm sorry for those who may not like her new look. It does worry me that I leave people behind by changing what has been cannon for some time, but it's nothing in comparison to how people feel when long standing cannon characters are suddenly redrawn. If tomorrow Max Blackrabbit were to rewrite ZigZag, or Eric Swartz (I think I have the spelling wrong there, I'm sorry Eric) were to kill off Sabrina, I don't know how I would react. Do They or I have any responsibility to keep things as they were? In my heart I know that isn't true, but I still feel some disappointment when some beloved character is utterly changed in some drastic way.

In the end I have to repeat what other artists may ultimately say, "Get used to it". It sounds mean to say to those who we owe any recognition to, but like any relationship, individual freedoms out weigh interpersonal responsibility. If interpersonal responsibility were more important than individual freedoms, then we would just be slaves to one another, and that's no way to live one's life. The price of freedom is understanding and, when absolutely unnecessary, letting go of what we hold dear.

That isn't a rant about being singled out or hated, but more of an honest wonder as to why some simply don't like herms. Being straight or gay is understandable, that just comes down to sexual preference, but then things get a little odd for me. I wouldn't put down any artist or fan for the opinion, but I would like to get an insight as to how they think. It wasn't recent, but I did go do a few artists I admire and see do some fairly wiild things only to find they do not draw nor ever would draw a herm, not even as a paid commission. The startling thing was just how many of my favored artists refused, it's enough to make me wonder about my own appreciation for herms. Not enough to quit, just to wonder.

There's one answer I'm expecting in the comments and it's alright, I understand some people simply have that opinion. I'ts more to the point that I want to know where that opinion comes from. I suppose I'm so comfortable with dual genders and some oddities that it just doesn't make sense to me, and I want it too.

I just recently watched a movie I was insanely excited to see, one I've been wanting to see since I first saw the movie Alien. I went in with hopes held high that I would gather some insight to the Space Jockeys, but also prepared for a completely new story line. By the time the last confusing scene was over I realized that neither of those expectations were met. The story goes absolutely nowhere and doesn't even answer any of the questions posed in it's own movie, let alone the mythos of the space jockey and the xenomorphs. The motivation for most characters in this movie is vague to the point of being non existant. I'm all for subtly, but this goes right into obscurity.

The one thing that rubs me the wrong way is how divergent the very themes of Prometheus is to Alien. In Alien the xenomorphs and the corporation represent the inner darkness of humanity, how desires and lusts reveal a darkness with us. Here, the human element is almost eradicated for what looks like a cheezy Alien from Men In Black.. I won't describe it, but I promise you will be disappointed.

In a nutshell this is clumsy writing paired with a highly talented visual artist, the sets are epic and beautiful, but all the characters are flat and uninteresting.

I'm sorry if this isn't specifically furry, I really don't keep any journals other than this one and a LJ I rarely touch anymore. The people who actually read my journal are here, so here is where I prefer to write everything.

Just recently I bought the audiobook of "God No!" by Pen Gellete (Pen and Teller, Bullshit, exc). I've never been so entertained and warmed by someone that starkly honest. There are a lot of books out there that intellectually deconstruct the arguments for God and religion in general, but this one tool a far more personal approach to the subject. He talks about the joys of living, how the Idea of sin is a needless concept, how the love of ones family and friends is far more precious than a few sweet words out of a preachers mouth. His stories are about how morality is centered here in this temporary and imperfect world, how we have to face the hardships and embrace the joys as they come along. He talked about how his parents left their congregation because it opposed a lesbian preacher, not on the grounds of defending homosexuality but on the grounds of 'getting into her business when it was no business of the church'. This also covers some deaths he had to go though and how difficult it is for someone who doesn't believe in an afterlife, if you believe, perhaps this will give you some insight on how the rest of us feel.

I know religion is a hard topic to discuss and I'm not going to try and convert anyone, I should give the same respect of leaving me the hell alone that I want from others. With all that said, f you are a believer or just on the fence, please read or listen to this book. It's raunchy and far from 'safe for work', but It's about the most sincere and heartfelt you can get.

It seems to be a cycle of never ending bullshit, my job. I've been with it for eight years, and in that time things have only gotten worse. Now they have supervisors for supervisors, they have cameras on cameras, they have more bullshit and know-it-all's flowing out of the woodwork. When I choose to stick with graveyard I traded some night-time sleep for peace and fucking quiet. All I wanted to do is my job and be left alone.. but even now I'm being lorded over by a hundred fucking people.

I'm nearly thirty now and I've had this stupid fucking job for eight years.. I'm so tired of this. I don't like the idea of going back to school and returning to uncertainty, but at this point I don't know what to do. I need to get back on antidepressants thanks to this fucking situation.. and my commute.. fuck my commute. I get four fucking hours of sleep a day thanks to this bullshit.. that AND I'M AGROPHOBIC AND ON A CROWDED TRAIN EVERY DAY. Sorry.. just loosing it.

At this point every turn feels like a wrong one, every decision feels like a bad one. I worry every day, I can't help it. I can't predict anything anymore, nothing fucking ever makes any sense. There are too many people making deciiosns, too many egos, too many agendas, too many everything. I'm just.. don't know.. I just don't fucking know anymore. Is everything okay.. well maybe and that's the fucking amazing twist of it all.. everything could be hunky fucking dory or on the verge of collapse, I'm never sure with this place.. that's how fucked it is. MY fucking supervisiosrs loooooove to observe something I'm doing and then critique me behind my back. They train me piss=poorly, I do what I can with what little I have, and then when or if I ever get in trouble I find out indirectly though some fucking lesser supervisor on the one fucking day that everything is fine and I think it's going to be a cheeky fucking day. Yeah, it's like they wait for me to have a sigh of releif before punching me in the fucking gut.

Listen, if you had some family member help you or had supportive parents who helped you get a higher education.. someone who gave a fuck about you.. then don't you dare EVER FUCKING COMPLAIN TO ME. Love your parents if they are respectable.. thank them every day.. love them with all your heart. You had a good life, oppourunity, maybe even a good neighborhood with friends and a social life to get you started up. I respect people who can claw their way out of shit, but if you're not one of them.. if you're where you are because someone HELPED YOU, then be grateful. I often wonder what it would have been like to have parents like that.. ones's that help you with your math homework.. or were not so fucking retarded that they could. I imagine growing up with a group of friends, a good town in some intelligent part of America, a good school that gave a shit about it's students, inspiration to care. I wonder what my life would have been like growing up middle class, having a chance in my fucking world.. having parents who were not waiting for their goverment cheeze and actually had something going for themselves..

Anyway, this has been my insnae rant. I"m sorry for making it, but I feel alittle better for doing it.