haha no im still dead
im just commenting on how long its been since i did things

a – age: 24
b – biggest fear: the unknown, i guess
c – current time: 5:13 pm
d – drink you last had/are having: 'mocha coconut frappuccino'
e – easiest person to talk to: therapist, significant other, good friends
f – favorite song: i don't have one favorite song. that's weird. you're weird.

g – ghosts, are they real: probably not, but what am i, a ghostologist?
h – heritage: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

i – in love with: this song, so just hush. baby shut up. heard enough.
j - Jealous of: so many things and people. primarily people who seem not to be having monetary trouble in college.

k – killed someone?: all the time in video games?
l – last time you cried?: like two days ago.
m – middle name: elizabeth
n – number of siblings: sort of kind of a brother sort of.
o – one wish: more wishes
p – person who you last called: my mom
q – question you’re always asked: "what are you" and/or "why aren't you an art major"
r – reason to smile: motor proteins
s – song last sang: some taylor swift thing that came on my showtunes station

t – time you woke up: ~10:20 am
u – underwear color: none

v – vacation destination: australia, korea, candad
w – worst habit: procrastinating
x – x-rays you’ve had: teeth, arm, ankle, chest, tons.
y – your favorite food: crepes
z – zodiac sign: aquarius

When we were done, I yelled Kali Ma and ripped out its heart.

I wish I could say I feel bad about being that irreverent, but I don't, because I got to actually Kali Ma something.

i'll get back to everyone shortly!
fun stuff happening at college; dude was creepin on a bunch of girls from my class and he got the cops called on him, then he was back, and now he's gone again.

at least my kickstarter stuff went through
thank god, that was a lot of money, and the thing i'm most excited about.

In the past few months I've bought a bunch of things and like every time it's been a huge clusterfuck of technical issues or confusion. To the point I'm now emailing other people I've bought stuff from to make sure they got my request.

bunches of claiming slots and then not hearing back, paypal fuckery (but not consistently enough that I can always tell there's an issue,) humble bundle screwed me out of something I really wanted. like, at least 7 instances of this stuff in the past two months.
dude it'd be super awesome if any of the things I got really excited about buying just like,
followed a normal pay/receive process and then i got them.

i dug up my backup files from Furcadia from like, the oldest computer I ever had.
a million terrible ports of all my wolf roleplay characters and my old oc that was a lynx/bobcat/something like that.
oh my god i used to draw dog noses that looked like birdo mouths i should post some

One day I am totally going to make a combination of all my favorite animals if it kills me.
And it probably will.

I accidentally deleted a bunch of messages because I saw "Journal" and clicked nuke but it was comments, not journalS. I am the dumb.

i changed it so the title is more of a warning since dang, who DOES want to hear about that?

lots of people at my school think vaccinations
1) cause autism
2) cause worse side effects than the actual illness more often than not
3) think that it's super mega unfair you guys for schools to require kids to be vaccinated

i learned this from a giant 'opinion board' thing outside the history, anthropology, and math building

i doubt anyone cares what i know or think about this but that's pretty magical so i thought i'd share it.

giving someone a laptop to use while theirs in the shop and not telling them your dropbox is linked so that every time they make something or take a screenshot or do pretty much anything it's saved to their dropbox.

excuse my nastiness but i just find this way too silly not to share?

[gross stories ahead]
i keep throwing up because post nasal drip = loogies and i cannot hawk a loogie without my uvula hula-dancing in protest so i just puke all the time when i have it bad. i'm sure it's probably more common than i think.
it's also preeetty funny.
it's basically like,
"so how's your [cough][immediately runs to a trashcan and vomits] [washes out mouth & spits] day?"
i am the portrait of grace and civility.

who even needs a pigeon pillowcase
not me
pffft
^{actually i'm still pretty upset}

also i wanted to let you all know that i am trapped in paper writing hell if i lag responding to stuff. i really get stuck on abstract "JUST ANALYZE IT" papers like what the fuck do you want me to say about this ASK ME A QUESTION AND I CAN TALK ABOUT IT FOR AN HOUR BUT I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY ABOUT HUNDRED YEAR OLD BOOKS WITHOUT A PROMPT

so i ordered something i was SUPER EXCITED ABOUT a while back and it turns out they never sent it.
i emailed and they said they're not going to send me a new one as 'the deadline has passed,' so I got a refund and I'm splurging because it made me really sad.

actual question
not only do a lot of people seem to just never respond to my questions, like, seven in the past week, but i feel like i'm really bad at making friends and i get anxious and it causes me to be terrible at followthrough, both with work and friends.

advice if anyone cares to give it? i feel like there are probably people on here who have overcome social anxiety sorts of things.
(haha i honestly don't even know why i keep posting journals)

it's growing out so badly blagh
and the roots, don't even get me started on the roots

*hides under a million hats

when someone in a position of authority over you refuses to acknowledge a problem or get help for it?

trying to do proactive things but i've done pretty much everything except what i'm actually supposed to do.
pretty sure everyone can relate to that.

also i am slowly coming to accept some weird family stuff but accepting it doesn't make it stop, so, uh. i'm also looking for people who are experts in it.

1. Who is your boyfriend/girlfriend?
Jaws

2. How did you two meet?
the brother of the dude i was trying to schtup at the time posted "Tell me a story," and everyone was posting shit like, "Once upon a time, The end." and "You're gay, and everyone lived happily ever after."
i took it upon myself to tell the best story and wrote a huge ass story about Aaragorn fighting some kind of dragon or centipede or something in the comments, and Jaws commented after me telling me it was great and asking if he could add me.
we later got lost in a furniture store together.
imma post the story in the comments.

3. When did y'all officially start dating?
july 5, 2012, i think

4. Did you meet online?
yop.

5. What attracted you the most to him/her?
his forthrightness and his being on the same wavelength as me about what sort of relationship we wanted.

6. Is he/she what you expected?
like 75% yes

7. Did you kiss on your first date?
if a blowjob counts as a kiss, and my couch is a date, then yes.

8. When did you first have sex?
directly after the above answer.

9. Do you live with them?
we're discussing it

10. Are they snugglers?
yes and it is awesome

11. What was the last compliment they gave you?
"I just wanted to say you looked beautiful tonight, and you look beautiful every night, and I don't think I tell you enough."

12. How long have you been dating?
3 years

13. Would you spend the rest of your life with them?
as of this moment, yes

14. When will you see them next?
on saturday i'm spending a week at his place
*knock on wood*

15. What interests do you share?
vidya, adventuring, travel, politics, art, building stuff, home improvement, architecture, etc. shockingly not music which is like the only thing i fight with him about consistently.

16. Is there something you regret?
not really.

17. What was the last thing he gave you?
5 tiny (like, thumbnail) sized books with cute letters in them & a box he filled with pretzel m&ms because i was allergic to the candy that was originally inside it

18. What was the last thing you gave them?
a clean apartment- that means more than it sounds like it does

19. Are they willing to sacrifice for you?
apparently and i will never understand it

20. Have they given you a ring?
no and that would be a bit unlike him

21. Are you taller or shorter than them?
shorter by like half a foot

22. What is their personality?
loner, doer (rather than dreamer,) adventurous, outdoorsy, kind of wholesome sometimes, pretty metro

23. Are they a furry?
no, but he likes it when i draw him stuff anyway 'cuz he know i can't stand drawing my own face

24. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
usually the right side 'cuz it's where the plugs are

and i am super in love with not having to take a pill every night
however
i learned that going off the pill, for me, means:
- mood stabilizers stop working
- what is essentially an infectionless uti w/ cramps like a mofo

doctor said to wait a cycle- which could be several months, which is why i was on hormonal birth control to begin with- and see if it levels out, but when my other meds aren't working i get hella migraines and hide from everyone and cry all day so we'll see what happens

other than that, i'm 24 now, so that's horrible great

how was your valentines day?

every entitled douchebag i've ever seen in the comments on this site, i've clicked to discover a fucking NOVEL'S worth of text on their profile.
like, legit can't see the top of the journal box, almost no linebreaks, probably stream of consciousness. talks at length about their opinions or random minutiae or things that really don't need to be stated on a profile and generally aren't. usually uses red as the main or accent color of the text.
WITH MAYBE ONE EXCEPTION, EVERY DAMN TIME. it's like magic.

has anyone else noticed that?

i just heard about it

i also hope everyone has good luck with finals and that the end of the year is good.

so just to fill you in, in the past three days alone:

* i went into class and learned that the lab practical was moved up during the class i missed last week
* i did everything flawlessly except for the calculations, which i blanked on so hard i was there fifteen minutes after, still hadn't finished, and ended up on and off crying over it
* have been told repeatedly by a doctor's office that they have 'given away all of the appointments for today' (not all on the same day)
* have been told that another doctor is not covered by insurance because i could be going to a different doctor when i've tried in vain to go to at least 7 in network doctors including the above one only to be shafted for stupid fucking reasons
* discovered that my college has not paid for nearly half of the access to reports, journals, etc that it said it had and so sourcing my lab report was such a disaster i ended up attempting to translate a report from turkish with google translate
* went through three filters for my aquarium
* broke one of the lightbulbs on it, and the second one burned out less than 6 hours later
* debit card was stolen and so my paypal is broken
* was rear ended into another car by someone driving their roommate's car
* was followed afterwards by some completely irrelevant person through several routes through my neighborhood until i sped through a bunch of side streets and lost him, then later saw him drive by my house. i am now scared to go to sleep because the police never followed up on my phone call and seemed really determined to hear me say 'black' when i described him as an old white man.
** so that means i've been in two different police reports today

***** fuck this stupid but oddly productive week.

there are a lot of people who call plugs gauges.
i just mention that because it's a tiny pet peeve of mine bred into me by my piercing artist friends.
^{(omg one of them has a lil hulk holding a sign that says "THEY'RE CALLED PLUGS!!!!!" in a comic word bubble in his shop its so cute)}

just in case you didn't know, a gauge is a measure of thickness/size and a plug is the thing that's being measured.
so it's sort of like referring to shirts as 'sizes?' i guess?

i'm sure some people think that's nitpicking, and feel free to. but it's definitely one of those things that as far as i know makes it look like you didn't do your research before you came in to your typical app piercer, so i just wanted to mention it in case anyone actually didn't know?
if you're not sticking anything in your body its nbd anyway so carry on.

sometimes i doodle other peoples' ocs as random gifts or just for the funsies but this time i happened to draw them on the back of porn for the boyfrazzle that shows through when scanned or photographed. and i am totally too lazy to like, draw over them them in sai or edit it out or whatever.
oh well i guess. >:C

[xish] smoked (once, and i'm pretty sure i did it wrong somehow lol)
[x] consumed alcohol
[x] slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex
[x] slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex
[x] kissed someone of the same sex
[x] kissed someone of the opposite sex
[x] had someone in your room other than family
[x] watched porn
[x] bought porn
[x] tried drugs
TOTAL: 9.5

[x] taken painkillers
[x] taken someone else's prescription medicine
[x] lied to your parents
[x] lied to a friend
[x] snuck out of the house
[x] done something illegal
[x] felt hurt
[x] hurt someone
[x] gotten into a fight
[x] wished someone to die
[ ] seen someone die
TOTAL: 18.5

[x] missed curfew
[x] stayed out all night
[x] eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself
[x] been to a therapist
[ ] received a ticket
[ ] been to rehab
[x] dyed your hair
[x] been in an accident
[x] been to a club
[x] been to a bar
TOTAL: 26.5

[x] been to a wild party.
[x] drank more than three alcoholic beverages in a night
[ ] had a spring break in Florida
[ ] sniffed anything
[x] wore black nail polish
[x] wore arm bands
[x] wore t-shirts with band names
[x] listened to rap
[x] owned a 50 Cent CD
TOTAL: 33.5 how does 50 cent contribute to whether or not i should be dead

[x] dressed gothic
[x] dressed lolita
[x] dressed girly
[x] dressed punk
[x] dressed grunge
[x] stole something
[ ] been too drunk to remember anything
[x] blacked out
[x] fainted
[x] laughed at someone's pain
[x] had a crush on a neighbor
TOTAL: 43.5

[x] had a crush on a friend
[x] been to a concert
[x] dry-humped someone
[x] been called a slut
[x] called someone a slut
[ ] installed speakers in your car
[x] broken a mirror
[x] showered at someone of the opposites sex's house
[x] brushed your teeth with someone else's toothbrush
TOTAL: 51.5

[x] considered Ludicrous your favorite rapper (ludacris*?)
[x] seen an R-rated movie in theater
[ ] cruised on mail (what?)
[x]skipped school
[x] had surgery
[x] had an injury
[x] gone to court
[ ] walked out of a restaurant without paying/tipping
[x] caught something on fire
[ ] lied about your age
TOTAL: 58.5

[ ] owned/rented an apartment/house
[ ] broke the law in the police's presence
[ ] made out with someone who had a gf/bf
[ ] got in trouble with the police
[x] talked to a stranger
[x] hugged a stranger
[ ] licked a stranger (that's kind of specific.)
[x] been verbally harassed
[x] been physically harassed
TOTAL: 62.5

[x] met face-to-face with someone you met online
[x] stayed online for 5+ hours straight
[x] talked on the phone for more than 4 hours straight
[x] watched TV for 5 hours straight
[x] been to a fair
[x] been called a bad influence
[ ] drank and drove
[x] prank-called someone
[x] laid on a couch with someone of the opposite sex
[x] cheated on a test

GRAND: 71.5 wowza


If You Have Less Than 10...Write [I'm a Goody Goody]
If You Have More Than 10...Write [I'm average]
If You Have More Than 20...Write [I'm bad kid]
If You Have More Than 30...Write [I'm a bad influence]
If You Have More Than 40...Write [I'm a horrible person]
If You Have More Than 50...Write [I should be in jail]
If you have More Than 60...Write [I should be shot]
If You Have More Than 70...Write [I should be dead]


i feel like i don't deserve to be dead for liking black nail polish and having had a crush on a neighbor kid u_u