Recently I did a little writing for practice, and I really liked it! And I’d love to do it again, but I need an idea oh so desperately

Over the past four years I have had no passion nor love for any kind of creative process. I can’t even come up with ideas. I’ve only had extreme loathing for both process and execution. I deeply, deeply despise everything I make. I feel no pride. No joy. Only hate. I believe I used to like making art, and had many ideas I wanted to make reality. But that passion or drive is just gone now. And I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get it back.

I think I’ve come to the conclusion that I simply just give up on making any kind of art in general

Yippee it me birthdee

Hey hey everyone, tonight I’m kinda in the mood to do some virtual chats on Vrchat so if you ever wanna do it with me, my username is Jax O’Gaytor like on here and everywhere else, and just hit me up before hand so we can work out a time :333

Silence. I hate the silence. No matter what I do or say it always goes back to silence. No “how are you” “hope you’re doing good”. Nothing. It always goes back to silence in the end. Complete, total silence.

Howdy y’all. Today an artist I liked went a little off the deep end for some “leftist” brownie points and said they were blocking anyone who still uses Twitter. If you agree with their decision, I think you’re a loser. Yeah musk sucks and I want him dead. Painfully dead. But is it really fucking worth going out of your way to block people for not wanting to have to start all over again on a different site? Yes I am legitimately mad about this, cause it’s so fucking stupid. Now they’re going woe is me I’m just a little guy who did no wrong and I don’t know these people please don’t be mad at me uwuwuwu. No dumbass you made your bed now fucking sleep in it. God it really just hits something deep in me that really just pisses me off. Something something it’s the same as saying everyone who lives in a red start is a fascist. If you want my thoughts but better executed read this post on bluesky. (You do need to be logged in though.) https://bsky.app/profile/wiishyishi...../3lin4dez3bs2c
Anyhoo have a nice day, and don’t be a dumbass.

I’m gonna give you a kiss mmmwaaaah

I’m reposting a vent thread I did over there on here. I hope the person I’m referring to can see this. Everything I say is genuine.

Why did I bother messaging someone who has me blocked on every other site besides fucking artfight, they clearly don’t want me to ever interact with em. Guess I’ll wait till july to see if they responded to the message I sent em on goddamn artfight

But I miss them. Deep down I do. They were one of the first friends I made in this community. And I want to rekindle our friendship, and hopefully not blow it this time like I did four years ago. I just want them to read it. They said I could message em whenever.

I suppose it’s just what I deserve for treating them the way I did. Ghosting them if they annoyed me, yelling at them if I got angry, and constantly going woe is me if I did anything wrong. I wish we could’ve met today. I really really wish we didn’t meet when we were sixteen. Fuck man.

And they were right. Right about everything. And I couldn’t handle that. God I was such a fucking arrogant moron. If I had the chance to talk with them today maybe just maybe we could have something good again. But probably not. They don’t want me around. And I just don’t know how to accept that

I’m just missing them man. I want things to be better between us. I want to be better. I want to be better for them. It’s the least I can do.

It always hurts to know someone just doesn’t want you in their lives. But I’m extremely ashamed because they’re doing it for justified reasons, because of the things I did.

I forgive you. Always.

Hey all. It’s bad. It’s read damn bad tonight. The depression is only getting worse by the day. And now the little negative voices in my brain have convinced me all my old friends hate me and don’t want anything to do with me. And everyday I think those voices are getting more and more correct. I still think about committing suicide, generally dying, or getting injured in such an extreme way that it’s debilitating. All because I think ahead in those scenarios, and think about how others would react, just to comfort myself and think people still care about me. I don’t know what true or what’s a lie anymore. I think everyone hates me, I’m just a roach that you can’t get rid of to everyone. I wouldn’t want to be friends with me either. I hate the person I see in the mirror. I hate my reflection, my terrible face and body. I hate that person, I hate them so much. I’m so ashamed by all my past actions. I was such a goddamn moron piece of shit when I was a late teen and joined this community. I can’t forgive myself for everything I did. It eats me up more and more everyday. Even now I’m so goddamn stupid. I make so many mistakes and I can’t forgive myself for them. It’s hard getting up in the morning and going to sleep at night. I’m going to bed now. I forgive you.

I DESPERATELY need a dom mom right about now

Hey hey all. These past few months haven’t been great for me. My depression has essentially been kicked into overdrive, making me worry about tiny little things that arguably don’t matter like friends not following me on other social media sites and what not. Doesn’t help that basically every day I’ve been thinking about dying in various ways. It doesn’t even phase me at this point, it used to make me tear up but now, when I think about dying I just feel nothing. To continue with the thing that doesn’t matter that I’m worried about, it’s made me especially anxious because now I’m convinced a lot of my friends that I haven’t talked to in months or years don’t like me anymore and don’t want to be friends with me. If it’s any consolation to those who do line up with my brains insane worries, I still think we’re friends, even if we haven’t talked in a long long time. You’ll always be my friend, and I love you for that. On a different note that has most definitely contributed to my extreme lows of depression, the election results and 2025. I do not look forward to next year or really the next four years, but apparently the right wing is doing a lot of infighting right now because surprise surprise the people that make their fortunes using unpaid immigrant or slave labor need slaves and unpaid immigrants to do their work. So hey there’s that I guess. It probably won’t lead anywhere, like everything else. I’ve said before on my Twitter and bluesky that there is nothing to look forward to and I have no future. Mostly as vent posts but also a truth to an extent. I have nothing really to look forward to, and what I do look forward to either has had one piece of info drop and nothing else, or is releasing in 20-get fucked. Yippee for me. I’m usually optimistic about most things but, just not anything at all recently in all honesty. So yeah that’s what’s been going on in my brain recently. I hope new years in general is fine at the very least, maybe I’ll get to do something fun, I dunno. I don’t look forward to next year. Thanks for reading.

Merry chrimbus, make sure to stuff yourself more than a turkey on thanksgiving, and remember, if the new clothes you got don’t fit, you’re doin it right

Hey all! Been wanting to come out of my shy shell a bit! So feel free to add me on Vrchat! Username over there is Jax O’Gaytor
Just make sure to hit me up on my other socials first so we can work out a time to chat!

Like all the other cool kids I have a Bluesky account, but be warned I don’t really use it too much
https://bsky.app/profile/jaxogaytor.bsky.social

It’s my birthday yippee :333

See you all in a year! Eheheahoohoo

Man I wish I was like a huge ass permaberry right now. I really really wanna be a big ball of juice, with a juicer hooked up to my dick, and I’m basically just a gigantic sloshy gurgly juice tank

A year older now on this day I was born

Can people please, please stop making fetish stuff of the main cast of deltarune, they’re minors. Susie, Noelle, Birdly, Ralsei, and Kris. They’re literally in high school in the games. So please, just please stop.

Just set up my telegram account, it’s Jax_OGaytor! Feel free to add me and such!

Been considering making a telegram account recently, should I go for it?

Just had a great dream that had an amazing blueberry inflation sequence and even a song number about it, but now I can only vividly remember it argghh

God I really wanna blow up into a gigantic blueberry, just get so huge and full of juice, just sounds so good right now