This journal isn't gonna be a happy one, LOL
More like a "year in review" type thing.
Honestly, this year has ROYALLY sucked. From family passings, health issues, friend issues, family issues, moving stress, this year really took me for a loop.
If I'm completely honest, I have not been okay for months. I just live every day cause I know I have to LOL. I can't let my situations take complete hold of me, you know?
But GOD, do I just feel like a dead battery. It's so hard to even engage in conversation. I feel my battery drain SO fast.
If it weren't for a few people in my life, I don't know how I would've made it through the year.
I don't know where the next year is gonna take me. IDK what I'm gonna do.
But, regardless, this year hasn't been a COMPLETE shit show.
I've reconnected with people, I've gained new friends.
Even if I'm really bad with communicating these days.
For the people who have carried me through, even if you didn't know it? Thank you.
I don't know what I would do without you guys.

I'm tired
And I'm gay lol
That is all
Have a lovely what ever it is lol
I need sleep
Or cuddles
Or a Slim Jim

Sorry again, I've been wanting to be more active for a while on here.
Life has been... Not fun. x'D
I'll try to be a bit more active on here.
So hey, hi, I'll be trying to make some of the tings here.
I need to work on my furry art, it's been way too long.

If you're reading this, you shouldn't be.
Go do something else. D<

Just a few minutes until I turn 24
The old bitch juice is flowing into me as the clock trickles closer to 12, I CAN FEEL MY BONES CREAKING~

I would just like to announce that I am extremely horny today.
Like, insanely.
That is all.

I want an icon on here. Anyone have any suggestions?

I'm straight.





... JK, April Fools. I'm still as gay as ever. xD

You're usually not very good at selfies but you finally take a cute ass one and you're like "DAMN BITCH YOU JUST DID THAT" xD

Happy Valentine's.
Yeah, that's it. Never been a fan of V-day.
Whatever, enjoy. x'D

A year of absolute catastrophe. Wow, has this year SUCKED. xD
Before I talk about the good that has come out of 2020, I would like to reflect one last time.
After this, I'm leaving everything in 2020. All negativity and toxicity will stay here with this shitty, obnoxious year.

Warning: It's a heavy journal. If you can't handle heavy topics, I suggest not reading.

I know we've all had a hard time this year. The pandemic literally has driven us all mad.
Especially if you live in the US, cause you know that we just can't get our shit together. x'D
Personally, the effects of the pandemic hit my household like a brick. It's been nothing but constant stress since March.
That already had me at a low point of mental health, you know? That's a lot to deal with.

Post-editing note: Yes, this is gonna be a relationshit ramble. It's a lot, I'm sorry. A lot of unprocessed emotions and things that were never said. It's healthy to let things out like this, but if someone talking about these things triggers you, please don't read. It's okay. <3

After that I had... well, can I even call it a relationship? More like I was used to cure someone's boredom.
That's really what I can explain it as.
And you know, I really should've seen it coming. Not a single one of my exes have ever valued me as a person. They use me and then get rid of me when I'm boring them.
Most of the time they're with someone else at the time too, so I just end up looking stupid.
I really wanted it to be different, but it wasn't. I wanted to be important to someone. To be valued by them as much as I value them.
I guess love is all I really wanted. And loyalty. I got none.
And even though I turned the tables and cut contact myself, it hasn't stopped bothering me. That was months ago.
So I guess, this my final way getting it out. After this, I don't want to think about it for another second.
I had to leave for my mental health, I had to leave so I could keep my worth and not be someone's toy.
While I don't regret leaving, I just... wish it didn't have to be that way.
I wished he valued me. I wish he could've been loyalty to me.
All I wanted was him. But that wasn't what I got. All I got was just another on the list of men that did me wrong.

Note: Family talk is next. Again, if that triggers you, please don't read!

Not to mention all the family issues I've been dealing with. They say the pandemic was supposed to bring families together?
I feel the most division I ever have. Christmas really showing people's true colors and who really cares about you.
Nothing has to be physical. Just a simple Merry Christmas, thinking of you. Hope you're doing well.
Nada. It's fine.

Oii, talking about all this negativity is really draining. I can't even process the rest I wanted to talk about, so I'm just gonna not. x'D
Long story short, my health is shit, both mentally and physically. Homophobics are cunts, racists can fuck off, and my landlord is a grimy bitch.

ON TO THE POSITIVE, WOO HOO.

Despite 2020 literally beating the shit out of me, spitting me out, and then fucking me all at once, there have been some positives.
My true friends I've gotten closer to. Some reconnections have been lovely. I've made some new friends, and that's always nice!
WE GOT THE ORANGE PEEL OUT, AND THAT'S THE MOST SATISFYING MOMENT OF 2020.
My K-pop babies have had so many amazing comebacks, it's been a great year for them and that makes me happy. <3
In an NSFW note, I've been experimenting a lot, and it's been a great time. x'D
All in all, we all have shit to complain about 2020. Apparently I have a lot. x'D But, amon all the bulfuckery, there are still things to make you smile.
If you read this whole journal, firstly I'm sorry for all the negativity. Like I said, it's my last time talking about it. I'm letting it all out and then not speaking on it again.
Secondly, thank you for giving me an ear to hear me out. I felt so much bubbling up inside me.
Thirdly, I hope you have had a nice holiday! 2021 is right around the corner, and let's hope it'll be a better year!

No, you know what? We WILL make it a better year.

2021, I'm making you different, bitch. <3

Hi, everyone!
It's little ol' me, here again. xD
I hope all those who celebrate it had a happy and merry Christmas!
And of course, happy holidays to those who don't celebrate! <3
It's been a rollercoaster year, huh? It's pretty crazy to think it's almost over now.
Despite the horrible year 2020 has been, I've been grateful for all the good that's happened as well.
I may not be popular here, I have few friends on this site.
I don't post often, and I'm sure there are people out there who would love me to never post again.
But for those who enjoy when I post here and there? Who are just genuine kind people?
Thank you. Thank you for helping 2020 be tolerable.
I'm hoping to make 2021 a year where I finally get on the ball with posts.
I've had artblock for the majority of 2020 (Except for like that really bad time LMAO), but that's gonna change!
Can't wait to put this horrific year to and end and move on to something fresh!
If anyone's read this journal in full, thank you. I really appreciate you hearing me out.
Happy holidays to all. I wish everyone a happy, safe, and lovely 2021! <3

Hey everyone. I hope you're doing well and staying safe!
Just popping in to wish everyone a happy holiday season!
2020 is almost over, just a little more until 2021!
This year has really tested every bit of me. It has not been easy by any means. And I'm sure for you all as well!
We're almost at the finish line, just a little more!
Also I guess I'll do that thing where it's the end of the year, anyone have anything to say to me before the year ends? XD

Hey, everyone. I hope you're doing well!
This year... It's been a lot, I tell you. x'D It's almost over, though so hey, we just need to buckle up for a little longer!
But yes, I'm not dead, everyone. I'm just... really not very active.
I haven't really had much to post lately, so I apologize. I've been wanting to really get this page moving, but I just haven't had any content to do so. I mainly post journals, so I'm sorry about that. ^^;
Anyway, this isn't about that. I've just kinda been reflecting on how this year has went for me.
And well, it's been a whole mound of shit. xD
From the lockdowns, depression, "relationship" issues, betrayals, crying all the fucking time, health issues, it's just been a rollercoaster of bullshit.
But there have been some positives as well, so I try to just look at those! I actually tried makeup for the first time this Halloween, and I really enjoyed it... So it's something I'll be trying again in the future.
I've had time to reflect on myself as well, seeing how I can handle situations better, how to continue to work on my mental health, and to work on self-control.
Lord knows I've been upset and angry this year, and I've wanted to do so many petty things that I decided not to. And for the petty things that I DID do, I'm not proud of them and apologize for those.
IDK, we're all works in progress, trying every day to improve ourselves. I'm not exempt, I try to better myself every day.
This journal's a whole bunch of rambling, I'm known to do that. Just kinda venting out here, if you read the whole thing, you're a trooper. ^^;
That's all I have today, stay safe everyone! From your local gay, make sure to protect yourselves and keep yourself well, mentally and physically. 2020 is almost over, so let's knock this bitch out and move on to 2021!

I'm bored, let's talk. How is everyone?

Hey, I wanna get off artblock. SOOOOOO, leave a link to your OC's ref down below! I'll do the ones I feel inspired to do! =) Depending on the characters, I'll either do a sketch, line, or with color!

Hello, peeps. Hope you're all doing well!
I have been taking some time to just do some self-care.
I'm not going to sit here and act like I'm okay. I'm really not. There's so many issues I have going on and it's a lot to handle.
My brain has not been in the right state of mind for months, but I've been trying to act like nothing's wrong.
I really felt like no one would care anyway, so why bother saying?
I know that's just depression talking, but still. It's just how I felt.
Obviously with the virus, I really can't get out much. And even if I was able to, I'd really have nowhere to go.
So, I feel like I've just been stuck in a rut. I've been trying to distract myself but it doesn't work all the time.
Today feels a bit better, and I haven't had a breakdown today, so that's a HUGE PLUS LMAO
With that being said, I don't plan on leaving FA. I know I'm not hugely active anyway, moreso with just commenting and favorites. Even then it's not as much as I'd like.
But I will be more active in the future (I hope).
I'll get back to working on art and stuff... I don't really post myself here but if y'all want a face reveal, that's an easy post?
IDK, I'll figure it out.
Either way, I don't want people to worry. I know I don't have many followers, and I'm sure even less of those read my journals.
But if you did, I'm sorry if I worried you.
I can't say I'm okay, but I can say I'm working to get there.
It may be a while, but I'll try, don't worry.
Thank you to anyone who read this. =)

So, mine is taking a really bad dive.
Since a few months ago, I've been falling back into depression.
I've tried my best to stay focused, stay motivated, and not let myself spiral out of control.
But lately... I just feel like nothing has gone right and I'm beyond stressed.
I have IRL struggles, online struggles, my physical health is not the best and my mental health is even worse.
I'm literally over my head in stress, and it's practically eating me alive.
If I'm not very active, if I don't respond quickly, I apologize.
I do my best not to involve others in my struggles, and try to be a rock for those who need me.
But I really just can't right now. I'm sorry.
If it's important, DM me. Comments won't be responded to right away.
Thank you all, and stay safe.

Lol no one really reads these BUT I dyed my hair and I love it. That's all, have a nice day/evening. 😂

I don't have many watchers but hey, I'm bored. xD
If you have a question, ask!
Let's get to know each other. ^_^

So like, I didn't expect today to turn into the Wizard of Oz. xD
We were supposed to have storms, but not a TORNADO. xD
So like, luckily where I'm at didn't get it, but we were ushered into the basement.
Imagine a store where everyone's phones are going off with emergency signals, it honestly felt like a movie.
I am safe, don't worry.
Just a bit shaken up, but everything's fine now.
But jeez that was like something insane. X'D

People are put into your life for 2 reasons. Either as a blessing or a lesson.
By the time I find my blessing, I'm gonna be a smart as Einstein cause I've had a LOT of lessons LOL
I can look like a clown now, but at the end of the day, I don't regret being the person I am.
I've got a long list of people who fucked me over. In that regard, I'm not surprised, at this point I just expect people to do so.
If anything, I look like the clown cause I really hoped it would be different this time.
I digress, life's a bitch. People suck, you get old and die. x'D
SUCH IS THE CYCLE OF LIFE, IT'S A GREAT PROCESS.
That's enough of me being an edgy fuck, though.
I'll get to normal content soon, it's just been a few days.
Take care and stay safe, everyone. Wear a mask. <3

I don't have many watchers (A whole 8 of y'all LOL) but I feel like this is something important. If you feel it touches your life, or helps you in any way, then this post will serve its purpose.

I myself am imperfect. I'm like the toy at the store who got opened by a child and can still be sold, but the package has been damaged.
All of us in life have dealt with things that break us down into our most raw, emotional selves.
I'm not weak, nor do I believe any of you are. But we have our weaker moments when we just feel so vulnerable.
And it's okay to feel that way, and you shouldn't beat yourself up for feeling like that.
I'm the kind of person that doesn't like putting his life out for the world to see, I don't want people to glimpse into my heart.
But I do, at the same time. It's an annoying existence. x'D
IDK I'm trying to make this cohesive, but it's just kinda like me spilling all my feelings into a journal, then deleting half of it cause it's too raw and doesn't make sense to anyone but me. x'D
Just... you're loved. You matter. Even if you feel like no one feels the same, you do. And I want you to know that.
If you need a friend, I give great virtual hugs (Gotta be safe, fuck COVID LOL).
We're all works in progress, and do not be ashamed for relapsing. It's okay.
That's all from me today. <3

What is UP my peeps LMAO
I have no idea what to post here.
If you like... have any suggestions, I'm here to listen!