Okay, so this is me venting lol.

So since me BF works during the night, I have been making trips to McDonald for fries, drink and or 10 nuggets. But tonight I needed to get gas and smokes. I didnt feel like doing it after work tomorrow. Even though the gas station is right across the street from where i work. But thats besides the point.

I pulled into pump #4, the furthest from the Chevron gas station door, ( my gas flap is on the drives side and some one was using pump #2.) I was happy that the #2 guy was going inside, I was glad cuz this was at 10:00 pm and its dark out, really dark since its winter and all. But while I was walking toward the door to the gas station to go pay, i saw the local crack dealer lingering around outside. he waited untill the #2 guy left. I was in my car just about to leave and he comes over and says "Happy sunday. got a dollar to give?". I hate this guy ever since i was a child.

I was all alone in my car and this freaking guy trys to sick his face in my car as i try to leave. If I was a dude I would of probably punched him in the face. if you live or lived in my town you know how bad this town is for the crack addicts and such are always trying to bum smokes and or money form everyone.

WE KNOW YOU JUST DO DRUGS. GET A REAL JOB AND CONTRIBUTE TO SOCIETY!!!!

Sorry i havent been posting since my return. I have found a new job and have been to busy to think about going on the internet.

I am now working at the local Timber Mart store known as Eagle. I am working 5 days a week, get sunday and stats off, and we close at 5:30 most days except Saturdays.

I think I have found my dream job. I have always wanted a 9 to 5 job with stats off. I am happier now with my life. My acme is down to a dull roar, thank god. I think the oil in the air at A&W was bad for me. I am glad to be out of their now.

I think I am making more money too. After i figure out whats wrong with my car I hope to get my fursuit. I think once I have that too I will be just who I always wanted to be, the girl I wanted to be LOL.

So I know I kinda just left my last journal entry with no sing off. I had a few beer and had a hard time looking at the screen, Everything was starting to all look get jumbled together. LOL.

Anyways, back to my entry.

So, the reason for my late, late return is that my BF finally found himself a job working nights on the weekend and a shift during the morning. So I have a few nights to myself to do whatever I want.

In the last few weeks I have been told that i have not been friendly towards employees at work. And my BF says I have been in a mood too. So I figured that I would come back to the furry community. I think I have been away for too long.

So here I am. Since my time away I have done some sketches. Eventually I will take photos of them and I will post them to this site.

I also just recently renewed my love and passion for Mighty Morphing Power Rangers. I also now have a huge crush on Jason David Frank now. He is the legendary Green/White Ranger I grew up watching. Hes a UFC fighter now.

Anyways, thats all thats on my mind for now. Planet of the apes just started on TV so im going to watch that for nw.

Hope everyone is doing well. Chat at ya later

Hello to all my watchers, especially to the ones who are still watching me.

I hope I haven't changed, and if I did. Was It for the better? Will I teach others?

So, after deleting 5 years worth of journals, comments, and submissions. I have finally decided to write my first journal post. I am rather glad i now have the spare time to sit in front of the computer and check out the the things that in my life made me who i was..... a furry.

I have been not my self for a long time now it seems. I still work at the north store A&W in my town. 5 years and it is taking its toll on me. Although, I am glad that i have not gained any more weight from eating their all the time. If anything employees and regulars tell me that I am too skinny, and I should eat more. the thing is, I don't eat a lot during the day but i eat a lot in the afternoon. And i am rather happy about my weight, if anything, i think i have a slight beer belly. LOL.

A&W for me has been getting rougher for me to enjoy coming to work and doing my job. Seen a lot of employees come and go. Lost my favorite boss, he moved away and our store manager took over. And she mad our lives like hell. She finally got transferred to the south store 5 months ago. ( I heard a rumor the is stepping out of A&W for good. Thank god!! ) So, they now had this one older lady, must be in the 50's or 60's.She her self has worked for the A&W in my town for pretty close for 25-30 years now i believe. She is a awesome lady most of the times, we butt heads once and awhile. We shall call her "K". But this supervisor, we will call he "Big A", she has also worked for A&W for 25 years. And she is so frustrating to work with. I really don't want to go to work. both because of these two ladies. I have told head office form the cost about me troubles with them and they know I am probably one of a few hard workers that work their. They told me that once they hire more people it wold get better. But it has not improved.

SO I have been feeling over worked and stressed out for no reason. my acme gets really bad when i am stressed out and that's like all the time. I am going thought a butt load of medication for my face. I am also growing my hair back out. For some of you, I had long brown hair. I cut it off 3 years ago when i moved in with my BF. Its in the annoying stage now where it keeps tickling my nose when I'm looking down for too long.

I had a dad who died in 1996, since he had passed on i got an inheritance from my great great Uncle. It wasn't very much $1600. If i;m remembering right, but anyways. I bought a white automatic 1998 Chevy Monty Carlo. I think it was 2 and a half years now that I have been driving for. I have a "N" (New driver) lenience now. I hit a medium sized black bear on my first day driving with my new car and my "L" (Learners). LMAO, I was coming around a blind corner and their it was, just right of the double solid lines. I was only doing 25-35 MPR (Canadian) bumped it with my front diver side bumper. I hit its left rear end as it was trying to go back from where it came from. It got spun 180 degrees and bolted for the ditch. We turned around, couldn't find it. Hope it was fine.The situation bugged me for days.

I sold that Monty to a friend for supper cheep since i had already bought a newer car. A silver standard 5 speed 2002 Hyundai Tiburon. I love this car I have 8 stickers on it, one of which is a silhouette of a wolf on a "pride rock" looking thing howling in side the moon. I love this sticker the most. I am always thinking of different things to do to my car. Rather it be paint patters, graphics, wraps, and attaching prosthetic on it. My re-occurring idea for my car it that the word "Tiburon", a slight variation of "Tiburón", is the Spanish word for "shark", is the name given to the North American. I want to put white gravel guard on the bottom of the doors and get a wrap on my car that looks like a tiger shark, and get a small fin on the roof. In order to make it into a actual shark car. LOL

edited; I thought it was funny that I found the ad in the paper. It ended being the daughter of some regulars at my work. They also tip a $1 every time they are in. So if I take their order the same amount I paid for the car. I might pay it off LMAO!!!

For those who liked my kitty cats, we only have Zeek and Dude still. They dont like each other. Well, I cant say that. Zeek doesn't like Dude for some reason. We dont know why at all. It's mind boggling. Since they have been living with each other for 4 or 5 years now. Zeek is still my little prince. I cant imagine life with out Zeek. hes been their for me so many times when my BF wasnt their, I traveled back and for worth to my moms with him and he had no problem with it at all. I remember walking to my friends to watch the Toronto Blue Jays and beer, with Zeek in my backpack. He didnt live that far, 3 or 4 blocks at that time where my mom lived. Actually around the last journal entry time to think of it.

SO, I got the job at A&W, been working 5 days a week, and working anywhere between 4 to 8 hours a day. I have been there for almost 3 weeks now and i have not got paid yet. their is an issue that the boos is going to take care of. I have been getting tips ( I never thought ppl at restaurants like A&W would tip) I got my First American dollar bill as a tip from an American couple from Florida, they seamed like awesome people, I told them that i wanted to go to the states so badly so they thought they would give me a dollar bill to spend in the USA for when i go to Anthro Con.

I like most of my co workers, one who i will call "Skinny K" in my journals. HE seams like a REAL jerk to new people that come. I have also talked to a girl who was just hired and I will call her "Little E". Little E is a new girl hired for the back fryer and clean up. she said that Skinny K was being kinda stand offish and kinda rude to her too. I hope that me and Little E can be friends she reminds me of me when i was younger.

and I have decided to save up my tips in a jar in order to get my fursuit head made by someone. I need to get my little VW car fixed up first before my BF will let me by the mask.

thats the up date for now for who ever reads these lol

Hope all stays awesome and the weather is nice for you so that you can enjoy the start of the summer.
J-Wual

So i got their and got a free coffee and sat down right away with arelean, she had a small booklet of 5 pages of questions to ask, they were weird questions but i managed to get threw it with makeing the laugh a few times i think. She said that they might call tomorrow morning.

heres hoping i get a job

So, my percipience has paid off so far, I jot a call from Arelen, the manager from A & W. She asked me to come in tomorrow 4/29 for a interview. If i dont get called back their it look like i might be working at Travel Lodge. I dont really want to work their because their is a girl that works their and i dont like her much but i will just make like i like her. Like i have been lol and if not their maybe the best western.

Fursuit

So i hope to save up my money and get my car fixed up and also slowly save money for my fursuit. I have not deiced on who i want to make it. I was thinking One Fur All or Temperance. My boy friend hope to have a motorcycle and i was thinking of making a trip to either Calgary or the Island on my BFs bike to get the head or whatever im getting. I used to have family on the cost but my BF is originally from the cost so we will have a place to stay no matter what. But I am also sure my friends i have made here are also more than welcome to take me in for a night or two. But if i go to Calgary, I have lots of family their and my BF has not been to Alberta and i dont know that side of my family that well and would love to get to know them more.

After time i will deiced on who i want to have my suit made but i am suck on who to choose.

Comments welcome

Hope everyone is enjoying the spring
J-Wual

So here in my small town the snow has left the main city part, but where i spend most of my time (at my BFs) the snow is gone in the front but the snow in the back is still mostly their. My BF's moms dog digs threw the snow looking for mice to eat lol.

but anyways, we have not 100% decided what to do. My BF has saved up some money in order to buy a motorcycle. He wants to go to the cost to get one. Dont know when this will happen.

but once the weather is nice and the wind wasn't so bitter cold to the face it would be nice to take all the animals out for a walk to 10 mile lake or the cottonwood river. Oh how i miss the cottonwood river during the winter months lol

I still have not found a job but it looks good for me at A & W, 7-11, and the dollar store.

i am going back to collage in May. I also just got 2 more morels pulled out, FOR FREE!! how can anyone beat that. But get this...... My dentist tole me, that if i was to complete my adult dog wood that he would repair all my other teeth for FREE. I was right up on the band wagon on that one. Right after he told me this, and after he left i cried in the chair for a minute. I told him once he got back that what he was going to be doing for me meant alot. SO my next appointment is on May 25 and he will be working on my 4 front teeth.

but ya thats the news on me for now, hope all is good in you part of the woods.

so for the last couple of days, while my BF is over at his mothers having dinner. I have been trying to figure out how my BFs fursona should look like. He has not really told me what he wants and he dosent like to think about small stuff right now because he is a busy man.

But I am pleased to see that my drawing skills are slowing improving and i hope to be doing free commissions soon.

And right now at 5:15 PM MPT it looked gloomy all day until a few moments ago when i snowed for like 2 mins, and now the sun is out an all the clouds are almost gone now lol weird weather.

so, i have been kinda lazy these day lol, been playing Halo like their is no tomorrow, trying to level up to a Brigadier. I have 70 % of the army completed and 48% commendations completed too.

I also have started to walk my butt off looking for a job. hope something comes along soon, i need the money for my teeth again. my top moler on the right side is starting to hurt. I am trying to watch my surgar intake and im brushing my teeth like 5-8 times a day depending on what i have eaten.

I have kinda doodled small things here and their. But I have been kinda stressed out about my mom. I wish i could help her so bad. I do love her alot and hate to she her doing this bad. not saying that its that bad already, we always find a way to pull threw.

Also, a friend that I have not seen in what seams like a life time. I am glad that he is back in my life, I have calmed down so much now. I never knew he had that much affect on me till he was gone lol.

ok, so since i became a Kingdom Heart fan, i have been trying to find all the games and merchandise. I, up until now only had kingdom hearts 1 & 2 for the PS2, and a huge flag with Sora on it haning on my wall. and i have been looking for kingdom hearts re: chain of memories for almost a year now and today i fianly got it for just over 20 dollars. My problem getting it was that everytime it was in stock i had no money and it was expencive, and the other times it was out of stock. So today i got the LAST copy i found their.

So far playing it, its ok. I expected more but meh, its a game lol. I still love KH, and my next thing to try and get is the DS and get games for that, i do own a PSP but i got chain of memories for the PS2 instead. my PSP cant hold a charged for long.

i dont know what to do with my life these days, I and still handing out resumes and doing job hunts around town but no luck. And i hate the way my drawing have been turning out, i just want to burn all my shit work, maybe its stress or something that is preventing me from drawing at the abilty i was at. I am slowying getting threw school and found out that i have to pay for both my mom and I's next semister. so more of my saved money for my teeth down the drain. and apparetnly i also owe 300 dollars to the the government for medical plan i didnt even know i had, and i didnt even work for that year that is was for. So my beloved boy friend is working it out for me so that i dont need to pay it (hopefuly)

and i dont have any friends to realy talk and hang out with anymore, everyone left town and started their life else where, lol who can blame them, anyone who stays in my town ends up not gettting out at all. I used to love hangin with my group, drawing anime and shooting the poop lol now i am looking for new faces to hang with, i dont have the best social skills witch makes it hard for me to approch ppl.

so thats whats on my mind, any comments are more that welcome

Stay awesome PPL

I finally hooked up my x box to the internet find me my gamer tag is Jay Wual

ok, so i have this black and white fat cat named Zeek, pics of him can be found here in the link.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4480364/

anyways, he like to smell me.... then find a bit of clothing or a peice of house coat, and he will nibbel and bit an area of it and sometimes, he will get his duke claw and starts pulling at the fabic while he pulls with his teeth, I think he thinks i am i slover or somthing but i am confussed somtimes when he dose somthing like this what doses it mean.

should i repemend him or just leave him alone, sometime it hurst when he bites to hard but most of the time i dony mind it as long as he is cafeful and mpst pf the time i trust him to be.

i got to go to collage in abit to do my math class, me and my mom are in the same class too lol. We are both getting our GEDs, then i dont know what i am doing, think i will try drawing different styles again and try and find my new drawing style. I am not very happy about the way most of my newest drawings are coming out. I think they all look horrible

so since i finally got some photo ID, my neighbor friends invited me and the BF out to the bar, it would of been my first time in a bar. I also have a friend that is in town and i also invited him to go out with us. But now the neighbors are not going because they also went out last night OMG. She didnt call me like she said she was if she were to go out on Friday night instead. So, here i am now alone for dinner as always while the BF is over taking care of his mom, and their is no one at the shop for me to hang with and finish the beers the last guy left here.

So, here i am drinking it alone, in my own depression at the moment day dreaming of how my first bar experience should go, but I know that next weekend will come, they said that they would take me out then, but how do i know they wont get my hopes up again and tear me down.

I am just saying i was REALY REALY looking forward to going out tonight

So my 2nd time around for getting my L for driving I PASSED with 82% I am happy now that i have some FREEDOM!! Now i just have to get my car working and at least driveable lol Its a old junk car but i like it lol

Due to a quote i got back from my dentist, i need to save my money and put it towards saving the teeth that i have left. But i still have a little bit of my own foam and I am still working on the digigrade pants and the head.

update on my jaw
So since i had to get 3 teeth pulled my 2 last morels on the right side of my face and my wisdom tooth on that side, and i got 2 stitches. I feel like the right side of my mouth has been raped. theirs nothing to chew on that bottom side. The top side is piratically useless.

I am still smoking but not as much. and i am putting gos on while i smoke. i am not taking much pain killers now, it just feels sore where the stitches are

so i had this realy bad rotted tooth, one of my molers. it was so bad that while it was still in my mouth, that half off the tooth was gone and was almost like a cave inside of the tooth.

I went their expecting to just get the one pulled out, but instead i got 3 pulled out, 2 molers and my wizdom tooth. I jot 2 stitches and 3 gaping holes, i do smoke and it might be a good thing i got my teeth pulled. cuz now i have to take it easy with the someking for a few days.

sure wish i could smoke right now. i am drooling as i am thinking about it. oh wait thats still the freezing agent they used lol

During thanksgiving i told my mom that I had an older BF, shes said she was fine with it as long as he keeps me happy

Ok. so me and my mom dont realy have a realationship. I kinda pulled my self away from my family sometime after my dad died. (rather not get in to full details of how the relationship fell apart)

And when I had the first chance to live somewhere else i did and lied to my mom saying i was staying at a "girl friends" house. But infact it was my 3rd BFs place I stayed with for 10 months. Then after we broke up, i found other ppl who didnt mind me staying with them, sleeping where every i was aloud.

So, now my problem is that I am staying at my current Bfs place and have been staying their for 3 to 5 days a week their with him, and coming into town and staying at my moms while i am going to collage. Me and my mom are also in the same class in collage. We are getting our GED together.

Anyways, getting off topic as always lol.

When I am at my moms place, all I do is sit around or watch T.V. or play my X-box. We dont talk very much or if we do its most likely an argument or small talk. I dont know much about her and she dosent know the real me. Durring Easter weekend this year (2010) we took a week and visited some of my dads side of the family, and durring the whole 6 hr dive we just sat their, not even talking. Every now and then i would ask... "So, is their anything would would like to talk about?"
She replyed everytime..."Nope" And in my head im like "OMG she dont realy care, or she just dosent want to know"

So, one night we spent a night at one of her friends place and we both slept on the pull out bed in the spare living room, and this gave me the thought of.. "hey maybe girl talk before bed, maybe she would like to talk abit" So i say to her "what are your thoughts on me dating older guys?" She then said "depends on how old" So i rack my brian and think for a sec. "Well, hes mind 30's"
Mom said "Well, i guess thats alright" then we both dropped the convo and went to bed and that was the only time we talked about that.

So here i am again wanting to talk to my mom again about it. but the problem is that my BF is not in his late 30's but in his mid 40's. I dont know my mom that well and dont know how she will react and i hope she know i love him because i have been with him for almost 2 years now and want to have a good relationship with my mom now and want to have no secrets anymore.. I keep talking to my mom about my "friend" all the time and i think she knows it a BF i have, but i never say his name.

So that is a bit of my problem right now and i dont know how to bring it up to my mom.

Any suggestions are warmly welcome

thanks for taking the time to read my huge journal entry

ok, so i bought the X-box bundel, includes 2 controllers, the game and the console. And I was realy enjoyint the Reach game but its not as long as i hoped it would be!! i dont have it connected to the internet, but maybe one day soon. why is that the most fun you can have with all the best games for the xbox have to be on xbox live, it sould be just as fun offline!!

OMG it looks so cool and sounds like a door is opening when the tray opens, its silver and it cam with the Halo Reach game and 2 controllers and one headset!

best thing i treated my self with in a long time and worth it lol