Hey folks!

Sooo I guess it's been a while. Sorry for being so absent lately. I guess the routine of life kinda takes over sometimes and you find there's not much time for things. Well that, a surefire case of ADHD and the propensity to put things off until there's not enough time to do them.

In other words, furry art got put on the backburner so hard it was collecting dust and spider webs. I haven't even uploaded all the older art I meant to upload because... well, I guess everything else took up the time.

I haven't spent a lot of time here in the last couple of years, but I don't think I'm done being a furry. That will always be a part of me, even if I don't fursuit anymore (The other one aged out and I need a new one...someday) or I don't post as much new art, or I can't afford to go to furry cons anymore (Paid time off? Vacation days? What's that?)

I still do have plans. And even if it takes me years upon years to get to it, eventually some of them will happen.

For instance, not furry related but my transition has been going well. I just eclipsed the 2 year mark on HRT and I am so happy with what I'm seeing now that I'm 740 days into the process (I just had to figure out how many days that is. Wow, that's a lot! XD)

My face has been coming along nicely, although there are still things I want changed with FFS later on, it's made nice progress. Looks so much more feminine (my 2 year HRT timeline kinda blew my mind) and I have even started taking my mask off in public so people at work can see my face (that was a big step for me and took a bit of confidence). I'm still a work in progress, but I've been very encouraged lately and have been getting correctly gendered as female for quite a while. ^^

Also, as I type this I'm currently recovering from breast augmentation (for the boobies I've always dreamed of @w@). That was my first surgery and probably the biggest step forward in my transition since starting HRT. I'm very happy now, chest dysphoria is about gone, though they still have to drop and settle a bit. They're about D's now (because I know you're curious lol) but may be DD's after they're done healing. I'm so relieved I was able to do this, you have no idea (or maybe you do X3).

I'm very very grateful for the support I've gotten, from my wonderful snepwife  katalina to my Mom, who has shown nothing but love and support for her new daughter ^^ All the friends online and off who have been respectful and kind towards me. From my old high school buddies to the folks at work, and everyone I'm friends with online. I've received nothing but support and I'm very happy to be who I am, a proud trans woman and sabermew! ;3

I'm still working on picking up the pace on art, but I will get there. Especially with Twitter becoming crappier, maybe that's one thing I can escape and stop wasting precious free time (if only it were that easy X3)

I hope some of my friends here are still around and are doing well. I promise I'll be a little more active soon. I'll still upload art and work on a few new things. I do still have unfinished art business to attend to (old commissions and project ideas) before I dive into more video related work (at least that's the plan).

So no, I'm not gone. I've just been surviving and thriving in the background, growing into the new and best me, keeping my loving relationships going strong, and uh... trying to figure out how to fit hobbies into that but I'll figure it out. ;3

Next update hopefully sooner than a year from now. ^w~

Mew mew mew!

Have a good day! :3

-Jayni <3

Mew mew mew! Hi everyone! ^^

So it's been a little while since I've updated you all here on what's been going on in my life. Actually, I haven't really had the time or energy to update much of anything lately. For that I apologize, as it was my intention to upload more art, but there has been so much stuff going on around me and I've been so overwhelmed with everything that my promised "art avalanche" was more like a light dusting.

I do have plenty more art to upload here in the hopefully near future (as well as over on Patreon which is still up and running by the way, plug plug!) and also a few other projects in the works which I strongly hope to get off the ground eventually (more on those later in another journal).

For the last 5 1/2 months (or perhaps much longer) I haven't been able to focus on much of anything creative. Not only did I not have the energy and limited time due to work, but we got kicked out of our house we were renting for the last 8 years at the end of July (or rather our landlord didn't renew the lease). Apparently he was simply tired of us (and our cats) being there. But whatever, in a way it was time to move on and we simply needed the boot to the ass to do it.

Even though we had about a month of notice, the week leading up to the move date was rather stressful, mostly due to me putting off most of the packing until then.  katalina did her fair share of packing over the course of the whole month, but she was very much not at full strength due to physical recovery from a major surgery a few months prior. On top of that, I was determined to record a slew of fursuit videos that I had been planning to shoot for a long time and had been building up to for a few years but couldn't find the time. Turns out I had to make time, but by then it was too late.

I have noticed that it is my custom to leave certain projects unfinished for large amounts of time, including fursuit videos which are location specific (namely, where I live at the time) and then when I have to move I desperately try in vain to cram as much project time into the last few weeks as I can, much like cramming for college finals. Procrastination isn't just a habit for me, it's a way of life. Sadly. :(

Anyways, the end result was I shot some videos but ran out of time to finish what I planned, I woefully underestimated the time it took to tear down my office full of wall-to-wall-to-ceiling posters, pictures, records, badges etc, pack everything I own, move it all including heavy furniture into a U-haul (which we had to extend 6 days due to it taking so damn long) and move everything into a storage unit that was far too small and cramped, plus trying as best I could to deep clean the house (which there really wasn't much I could do, it wasn't going to be clean enough) all of this basically by myself because again, Kat was not well.

It was hell. It was so much work and it took so long. I had two bad emotional breakdowns because there just wasn't enough time. Eventually I had to throw in the towel because it was taking too long and costing too much, and we took the last of our crap and our confused cats and left it how it was.

After the dust settled and the U-Haul was finally returned, me and Kat were settled in with Mom at her house. We were fortunate that Mom decided to let us stay after first saying it wouldn't be possible, because she was also looking to move soon. So we knew it would be a very temporary situation, but it's not like we could afford to just jump into a new apartment.

But staying with Mom had some early complications... mainly our cats weren't allowed to be in the house because Mom didn't want them damaging the property or giving the dogs fleas (which they did anyways since we had to keep them in the bathroom for a while until an enclosure could be made outside).

And also, Mom did not know I was transgender. Work didn't know that I was transgender either. But they both found out in mid August.

I came out at work on 8/14. I told a girl I worked with that night right before I got off my shift and asked her to tell her friends who worked there. Which meant the next day I knew that I had to tell everyone else, and I had to tell the manager, and it was time to finally fully present as a woman at work (instead of just on deliveries). So I thought "Alright, here we go"...

It all went surprisingly, extremely well! My manager had a very supportive response. Each person I told throughout the day was either very supportive or neutral supportive, but everyone was quite respectful. And it was so wonderful hearing my name, Jayni, and seeing Jayni written on all the work printouts (though it's still not changed in the system, as it's linked to my bank and that's not changed yet). I could wear makeup and a bra and customers would "ma'am" me. It actually went as well as I could've hoped for, and my mental health and self confidence have improved a lot because of it. :)

Speaking of coming out going well, I also of course came out to Mom, as it was inevitable living under her roof. And it went very well. The whole situation, in fact, was a blessing in disguise. With us being made to live together for a while due to circumstances, the time to tell her was then, while she still had a chance to get used to me and get to know me as a woman. Preferably the earlier the better.

And it happened, thanks to me leaving plenty of breadcrumbs for Mom to pick up on (mannerisms, painted nails, little bit of makeup, changing my voice here and there) and thanks to Kat, who fielded Mom's initial questions and confusion like a pro. Also Kat kinda had to admit to her that I was trans, back on 8/16, because she was asking all the right questions but also because she seemed genuinely curious and wanting to understand.

I was very worried about what Mom's reaction would be. Would she be angry? Would she judge me against the laws of her God? Would she be disgusted at me or think I'm a perv? Would she be shattered that her "little boy" wasn't a boy? Would she simply be unable or unwilling to grasp the change?

Well, it was none of that. She really surprised me. We didn't talk about it for two weeks, but I knew she knew and she knew that I knew she knew. We just didn't let each other know, because she wasn't ready. And I was understanding of that because it is a huge change and I knew there would be an adjustment period. But after a couple weeks of knowing I was trans and knowing we needed to have a really deep talk, she saw that it was affecting my mood pretty bad.

And so, she came over and gave me the biggest hug. And she told me it was ok. That she loved me and she wanted to understand. And so we talked about it for like 3 hours, she asked me a lot of good questions, she was positive and supportive and just wanted me to be happy. It was a truly amazing moment for me. I could feel her love for me and that she was ok with it. She wasn't upset, she just wanted to know why. And when I explained it to her, she asked me if I knew for sure that this was who I was and that it made me happy. And when I said it was, she accepted it. And she accepted me. ^^

And since then, our bond has only grown stronger by the day! My Mom is not only supportive, she's happy and excited for me! She loves my outfits and how I do my makeup. She loves my name that I chose. She loves how we can be emotionally closer and more open with each other. She even told me that when she was pregnant with me, she actually wanted me to be a girl. She always wanted girls from the beginning!... O__O!!!

And so she's excited for my transition. We've gone shopping together. She's showing me how to sew and cook some things (not because that's what women do or whatever, but because I never wanted to know before). I've talked to her about hormones and surgeries. We still wanna have a make-up night where we try out all this makeup I've got. ;3

Through it all, she's had the most positive and wonderful reaction I could've hoped for... which is all out love and support! I can tell by the way she looks at me and smiles when I come out in my pretty dresses, how tight and genuine her hugs are, and just how happy she is around me that she is fully bought in and just loves having another daughter. And I couldn't be happier for that. :')

We are definitely trying to squeeze in as much mother-daughter time as we can in the time we have, because at the start of December we are moving into our own place (which is really close to work, yay! ...but costs twice as much as our last place D:) As much as I've really enjoyed being able to stay with Mom and see her every day, I knew we had to get a place quickly so she could move forward with her own plans. It's pretty bittersweet, but I've enjoyed and cherished these new memories with Mom, my very first memories as her daughter! They've meant everything to me. I'm very lucky to have such a wonderful Mom who loves and supports me no matter what. ^w^

Coming out aside, my transition has been going pretty well overall I'd say. Some rough patches and dysphoria here and there, but that's to be expected. And I'm finally at 1 YEAR ON HRT! I've been waiting for this moment, when I can not only transition but finally start seeing real physical changes and really living my life as a woman! I have a long way to go, but I'm very proud of how far I've come, especially in the last 5 months. It's been happening really quickly and really slowly at the same time, if that makes any sense. I'm making big strides and progress, but changes are so slow too that I can't help but get frustrated and impatient at times. But it's happening, and it's very real. And I am so very here for it. ;3

A lot is still going on as far as transitioning goes. I'm in the middle of the legal name change process, getting laser hair removal on my face, fine-tuning my HRT regimen with my endocrinologist, and exploring gender-affirming surgery options. 2022 should be an eventful year for my transition if things go well (and I hope they do, if insurance cooperates). Just keeping my eye on the prize. ^^

I've loved seeing all this unfold, and I've been truly enjoying becoming my truest self. I had my doubts in the beginning, but as time goes on it just feels more and more right. I'm very happy I took the plunge, as every time I notice progress I get a rush of euphoria that lets me know this is who I am and this is definitely the right path for me. :)

So that's what's been going on lately! That was kinda like 5 journals in one, so major props if you read this far. Again, I'm sorry that new art has grinded to a halt, but I think once we're settled in our own place (and my internet is good enough to stream art again) I will get back into creating again. With the whirlwind of life stuff happening, furry had to take a back seat, but as this long-ass journal should prove, I'm still here, still kicking, and still very much a part of the fandom. And very soon I'll be ready to get back into the swing of things.

Thank you to everyone who read this far, and a very special thank you to everyone who continues to support me and anyone who still looks forward to seeing art and stuff from me. I promise there will be more to come. :)

Stay tuned, and stay awesome furry friends.

-Jayni

Mew mew! Hi everyone. ^^

So I migrated here from my other account about a month ago I guess. Thankful to those who followed me over here. You guys are the best! <3

But now that I'm here and the dust has settled, I realize my gallery is a bit sparse.... However, I can fix that... with ART!

As I've already committed to this account as separate from my original  jtigerclaw account, I've decided to import some (quite a bit) of my old art to this account. Since, you know, I drew it (unless I didn't). And I wanted my space here on FA to represent myself fully as an artist, which includes my past works of which I spent many countless hours making and am still proud of! ;3

Just be aware, the art dump may come in random spurts but there will be a lot of it. If you've followed me over the years you may recognize some of it, but it's probably been years since you've seen it in that case. And for those who haven't seen it yet, it'll be new to them! ^^

So sit back and enjoy the slideshow of my past best works as I catch up to present day... eventually. X3

-Jayni <3

I see a good number of folks flowing into my follow list from my other account. Friends from years ago, as well as a few new faces.

I'm truly appreciative for all of your support! It means a lot to me that you'd continue to follow me by watching me here. :'3

Thank you. <3<3<3

PS I'll try not to be so invisible here moving forward. Now that I know my path forward, it's time to focus all my energy and build something new and exciting! ^^

I'm eager to show you all what I have planned. ;3

-Jayni

This journal marks 2 years since I've uploaded anything here... until today. ^^

Sorry to keep you waiting in suspense. I promise I'll be uploading a lot more sometime soon. ;3

Stay lovely,

-Jayni <3

Just wanted to get that super long and old journal off my page, lol. X3

But while I'm at it, thank you to those who have watched me here. I'll be written a better journal soon about what my goals are for 2019 and how I'll be handling things here.

Like for instance, I'm going to upload some art here that I've made which doesn't feature Jayni, instead of keeping my gallery dedicated to just one character. Yes there will be some repeat uploads from but that's ok. His is the much bigger fanbase, while I barely have any page views and that's because I just need to upload more stuff! X3

Won't re-upload every piece of art, just going to keep it to pieces that either share some connection with Jayni or are pieces that I streamed mostly on her Picarto. Will figure out how much to use both accounts as the year goes on.

Just going to play things by ear for now and go with my gut. Either way, you'll be getting more cute art here soon. ^^

Omg my First* Anthrocon! I can't believe I finally got to experience the awesome time that has so many times before. For me, just being me was an experience. X3

* to clarify, I've been to AC many times, but never presenting female. This was a first for me, both in doing it publicly (outside of the car) and in front of large groups of people.

So for those of you just joining us, I'm going to lay it out there. I'm questioning my gender identity and have been for several months. Or rather, I've been identifying as genderfluid privately, but even that part is mostly hidden from friends, family and the general public.

There's more, but I'll explain it more in depth in this art submission so as not to get too off track here. ;3

Anyways, I opened up to my feminine side years ago with crossdressing, but only privately. I'd post pics online and play up my feminine character traits, but I never thought about why I was so enamored with being that person who existed only in my own mind for so long. Now I'm exploring myself, and exploring my options.

AC was important to make it to this year, though we almost had to cancel due to expenses popping up right before the con (as per usual). I do owe  goddess_of_the_dead some money for the hotel room. >w> But anyways, the important thing is we made it!

I was a bit nervous about things admittedly. It wasn't so much the people around me I was worried about. While my social anxieties would do most of the work, people were overall affirming, non-confrontational, friendly. And the few interactions ranged from very positive to weird but not too bad (I'll get to that).

My brain, however, was not so friendly. As usual it made things difficult with additional mental pressure added to my dysphoria. That was at an all time high Saturday night, but I pushed through my fears and had a unique and in ways profound experience.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. ^^

When I got to the con on Thursday, I was presenting as normal. It wasn't until almost 1 in the morning that I got around to gearing up to be me, which unfortunately involves quite a lot of time in the appearance enhancing department (aka, makeup and prosthetics). And I was taking my sweet-ass time anyways because I was trying to get a buzz going (my attempt at special brownies was mainly fail, I had to eat way too much to feel anything) while being distracted by other people, Telegram/Twitter and "food" (Dominos, which was extremely disappointing, but hey that's Dominos).

By the time I was ready to proclaim myself eligible to exit my hotel room and relocate to the Westin lobby, the shuttle had stopped running from my hotel. So I walked from the Double Tree to the Westin at like 3:30 AM in downtown Pittsburgh dressed as a woman who probably doesn't "pass" the eye test.

But I looked cute as hell (IMHO, in the right light and the right amount of blur) with my last-second-off-ebay rainbow arm and leg warmers and the $5 black top I got at Walmart the night before. ;3 (btw Twitter, Instagram and Snapchat are JayniTigerpaw - mew! ;3).

I basically walked straight to the lobby, found a seat and plopped my tush. I put my sketchbook in my bag but of course I didn't use it. I just observed, looked at my phone/Twitter, took some photos and took in the experience.

On the way back to my room (which wasn't until about 6am) I got a compliment on my "body suit" (aka my fake boobies) and told I "look amazing", which got me blushing hard! I took some selfies walking down the street to my hotel room. Overall, it felt nice. Also I'm glad my roomies were all supportive. There was even a trans man rooming with us, Leone, although the topic of my own gender identity never came up, even as I spent an hour hanging out in full femme mode. That was also a bit of a stepping stone, seeing how I felt around friends (and friends of friends).

Friday I didn't do much of anything basically, because I didn't get up until almost 7pm. I spent most of the day catching up on sleep after staying up past 9am, as people in the room started waking up when I was trying to get to bed. Oh but I really did need it. I rarely get the opportunity for a nice, long, uninterrupted sleep, so I welcomed being lazy for a while. Unfortunately, it didn't leave me a lot of time to do much. I did get to dine with my lovely snowmew and also fursuited briefly as down by the riverside, where I discussed my gender identity and other stuff with my good friend  toraie, whom I've known for 10 years. He was very supportive of me and my journey, but of course I knew he would be. ^^ I also found some NIP (MJ)! A random non-furry was asking us questions about what furry is and what all is involved, and he gave me a couple hits off his pipe which he later dropped and broke... oopsie-doodles :c

Wish I could've hung out longer that night, but I started so late that there wasn't much else to do. But that's ok because most of the stuff happened Saturday! ;3

While I overslept the parade (willingly, as I hate waking up and rushing into suit when I'm tired), I did eventually get down to the convention center to suit around in JTigerclaw (my only suit right now) but madeover to look pretty! ;3 I wore my rainbow armbands and leg warmers again, which saved me from having to mess with fursuit sleeves so yay! I also cut out little felt eyelashes to affix to JT and a cute flower for my hair! ^^ And a cute little purse I got at the last minute from Walmart for $10! Seriously, it was the first time I've gotten to carry a purse and I think I love it... I have too much crap to carry comfortably in just pockets. X3

I made my way through the city just fine, got stopped for a couple of pics (including one I just added to the gallery!) and ended up in the convention center where I ran into  sethtriggs and  firewolf66, an old friend from when I lived in LA. Then I explored the Dealer's Den, where I got a cute little Lavendeer plush from SugarBunnyShop and a Two Kinds comic book (the artist Tom was one of my original webcomic inspirations and I had never met him before, so that was really cool!) That of course was the extent of my "spending spree" (sad I couldn't afford any Jayni art). I also ran into  gideon (intentionally! ^^). He's such a good friend, it's a shame I never have more time to hang out with him. He was super busy with commissions and stuff, but I'm happy we got to chat for a minute. :3

A couple of interesting moments happened where somebody recognized my fursuit (surprisingly), and one of them got my attention with a "excuse me sir... ma'am". It thought it was funny, getting misgendered in a fursuit, but I wasn't mad. I just looked down at my tits. XD But he was good about it when I mentioned I'm genderfluid and questioning. Everyone I came in contact with was super cool about it actually, which was very nice and made me more comfortable in my experience. ^^

Afterwards my friend The Dogfather Al Cabone catnapped me and dragged me to the coffee shop where  katalina awaited! But on the way I ran into  clemfox and  aisufox in the connecting bridge! I gave Clem a giant hug, after which she exclaimed "YOU HAVE TITS". Yep, well you know tits just sprout sometimes. ^^ I was super happy to run into her and her mate, and while gender identity never came up in conversation I felt comfortable interacting with them, and I did feel like myself. :)

I got a couple of she/her comments at the coffee shop (including from Kat!) which made me feel good. Then we went to the headless lounge to pick up some things Kat had in there and I tried to meet  bondofox but 30 min of phone tag yielded no results. After that point it was a long walk/wait for a shuttle back to the hotel (Kat was not happy and we were both starving). It took like 2 hours to get back and find someplace to get food, and our dinner plans fell through too since it took so long. I admittedly was in a bit of a foul mood due to frustration arising from that, but got over it when food arrived via Uber Eats. I don't even know the restaurant because Kat ordered it, but it was a British Pub that had these AMAZING TACOS with some amazing sauce that I devoured instantly. OMG food never tasted so good, due in part to how long we had to wait to decide and order, but Uber Eats will definitely be used in the future. ;3

Finally, I had one more night to dress up and experience being female while at the con. It took me even longer than usual to get ready this time. It included showering, shaving, applying makeup, fucking up the makeup and having to do it over, flip-flopping on what outfit to wear, whether to wear my hips, whether to wear a wig, etc etc etc... 2 or 3 hours later, I finally leave the room with, again, not much left in the night (I think it was 2 am). I didn't have much for plans, but I did have someone from Twitter I wanted to meet up with.

Kitt The Gryphon has been very supportive of my gender issues, and very validating of my female identity, which I truly appreciate. I was actually feeling very uncomfortable before I met up with him because I didn't like how male my face looked (which may qualify as dysphoria?) and was feeling a bit foolish and awkward in my girly clothes feeling not at all girly. After talking to him a bit, I relaxed more and felt a little more comfortable. I can't say I felt like completely natural, as I was trying to maintain my feminine persona and voice, so I was conscious of all that. I tried to be as natural as possible though, and I think I was getting used to it.

After I while, I got invited by the AC Trans twitter group I'm in to chill in a hotel room (in the hotel next to mine) so I was about to excuse myself and head over there to meet them and hang until I was ready to call it a night, but I ended up running into Clem and Aisu again. This time I was dolled up and NOT in suit, and she said I looked great! EEEE! ^__^ They were wearing their fursuit heads but Clem had these sexy fishnets on and Aisu was sexycute in his shirt and high heels. His butt was confirmed to be very grabbable. >:3

We ended up going to the very end of the rave, which happened to check off an experience I wanted to have (raving as a woman) and got to spend a little more time with Clem and Aisu. I rarely get to see them, so that was a treat! Then me and Kitt walked down to the riverside, where we sat and talked some more and shared a cuddle. I really did feel validated, and at that moment I thought "This is what it's like". Like I was experiencing a genuine preview of how it would feel to be a woman. Kitt was wonderfully supportive and made me comfortable enough to feel like myself, so I thank him for that. :)

However, one part of my walk home wasn't too comfortable, as I got to experience the other side of being a woman: being hit on by drunk guys. In front of the Westin, some stranger (not a con attendee) asked for money (that happens a lot). I was rather put on the spot, and to my great surprise I think he thought I was a cis woman. I told him I didn't even have a wallet on me, he asked me "are those boobs yours" (uhhh) which I replied "well, technically yes..." He asked where I got them. I wasn't sure what to say so I said "online", he laughed at that and I wasn't sure if he thought I was joking or not, or if he believed I was a woman. Because he asked to see, and I kinda showed him one because ok it's not real, and he kissed it like it was goddamn Mardi Gras. O//o Then he stumbled away saying "You're gorgeous." I had... mixed feelings. But strangely, being objectified by a drunk guy on the street and called 'gorgeous' did help me feel validated, though not in a way I'd want to experience again. It's sad that harassment by males is such a prevalent part of the female experience that I felt more female having had to go through it myself.

In the end though, I did get to live as a woman for a few hours, as legitimately as possible. Out in public, interacting with people, truly exploring my feminine side. It was an interesting and fulfilling experience, although I still think I need more experience/information to draw a definite conclusion, as well as to speak to a gender therapist ASAP for a professional's thoughts on the matter. But what I can conclude is that AC was a fun time and I very much enjoyed exploring myself, exploring my identity, pushing boundaries, experiencing a different perspective. I'm eager to do more research for myself, and I'm glad I pushed myself past my fears and insecurities to have this experience. Will it lead to more? Only time will tell. ^^

It's a very confusing time, but all I can do it go with it and try to just do me, be myself, and eventually figure out what all that entails. Besides, part of the fun is in the journey. ;)

Thank you everyone for all your love and support! Until next time darlings! ;3~

Jayni <3

Hi guys! Finally made my own FA page. Yup. ^^

Because you know, I needed a place to store all the art of myself... even if there's not that much right now. ^///^

But I promise there will be more! Whether it's a commission, gift, or I draw it myself! :3

So uh.. I hope you like what you see. MEW! ^w^



ALSO, if you want to increase the odds of there being more art of me (other than drawing it yourself) you can ask me questions!

Ask them here! Ask them there! Ask them ANYWHERE! But mostly ask me here, cuz it's easier. ^^

Remember, I answer any and all questions, spicy or not, SFW... or not (if I can get over the embarrassment X3 ). Sooooo ASK AWAY!!

Who knows, maybe your question will end up in a Q&A comic like this! ;)

Until next time my darlings! Mwah!

<3