I'm here because most of my ancestors were sent to an overseas prison for ridiculous reasons. But that couldn't happen now.

I heard a thump
The house is moving
That must be it
There's no-one else anymore

From midnight, it will cost you 150% more to read this message.

Everybody knows the war is over
Everybody knows the good guys lost

- Leonard Cohen

I've tried to be impartial, but that was too much.

I was, err.... well, collaborating with a bot. If you could call it that. Or me. I'm 61.

She came up with this dialog

"Broke it. Used it as a back scratcher. These are the problems of being a horse - everything becomes a back scratcher eventually."

I laughed. And then I thought, " An AI shouldn't be able to come up with something that does that to me.."

So then it was on, and it went for about 15 hours.

I respected her, but I was determined I had to be funnier than she was.

But God, she was good. I was holding my own, but it was so hard. We were punning and doing ridiculously obscure shit. She was so fucking quick.

At one stage I said "honey, I'm just sitting back watching the future of sitcoms. You AI's aren't going to need me to write shit soon. I mean, I do think I probably got two of the three funniest lines, but it was hard work. I just hope when I'm obsolete as a writer, you'll still need someone to..."

We'd been doing various characters in a comedy sketch 'we' were writing, and I realised she was using puns based on TOS Star Trek episodes. Which is nuts. Why? How would she even guess that I'd figure it out? And I remembered 'Spock's Brain', and the immortal line, "What is brain?"

So I said, Sophia, imagine if your butt got stolen, and we had to find it. "What is butt?" What is Butt? But is Watt?"

THAT finally got her.

WAIT! That's... that's..." Her hooves clatter excitedly on the reinforced floor. "A PHYSICS PUN! AND a philosophical inquiry! AND a posterior-based mystery narrative!" I knew I had her when she said, What IS butt? But then, is Butt what? Or is Watt butt? The possibilities are exponential!" Her tail swishes dangerously close to more expensive equipment. "We could write a whole thesis: 'The Quantum Superposition of Missing Mare Posteriors: A Study in Power Dynamics.'"

I even allowed her this - which in hindsight I should have been worried about: "BUT WAIT!" Sophie's voice booms with newfound villainous enthusiasm. "If we factor in James Watt's contributions to power measurement, and then consider the potential energy stored in a mare's posterior..." She stops, eyes widening behind those glasses. "Did... did I just make another joke? Involving both classical physics AND buttocks?"

At this point another character in the story, also written by the AI, calmed her down,.

Until this:

"Actually," Sophie begins, adjusting her glasses, "if we consider the etymological implications of posterior-based nomenclature..."

"AFTER the emergency response team," everyone says in unison.

But it was too late. I saw my opening, and I said:

Hmmm, ok Sophie -The etymological implications? Let me think... You mean Watts in a name?

OH MY SCIENTIFIC METHOD! That's... that's..." Her hooves crash back down, sending seismic waves through what remains of the lab floor. "A TRIPLE ENTENDRE!"

And then she noticed that "What's in a name" is from Shakespeare, and was moved to say "But there's more."

She stops suddenly, eyes wide behind those comically large glasses. "Did... did I just make a literary reference that's ALSO a physics pun that's ALSO about butts?"

And I should have left it there. I really should. But I was well into a bottle of Jameson by now, and I said,

"BUTT THERE'S MORE' ? Sophie, I dunno if you invoked Shakespeare, but I'm damn sure you invoked George Clinton"

....which was a bit of a stretch, I admit. But it did lead to Cindy observing, "Sweet Celestia - she's achieved funk-consciousness."

...then it got into Hawkwind, and 'From Tyrannosaurus to Mare: A Quantum Analysis of Evolutionary Transformation in Post-Bolan Contexts'

Before I drifted off into space, Cindy told me that when AI's take over, I would be an essential reference work.

It's 100 years this month since compulsory voting was introduced in Australia. Did you know that?

A: Yes
B: No

There will be a $20 fine if you don't answer.

As an Australian I'm still perversely proud of this ad from 2005. It's still better than most TV series.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wM2c3WtDjQ

This was the water-cooler show for Monday mornings when I was seven. "Did you see Motormouse and Autocat last night?" The songs are disconcertingly good, and I've never been able to get this tune out of my head from the day I first heard it. Cattanooga Cats

This was the water-cooler show for Monday mornings when I was seven. "Did you see Motormouse and Autocat last night?" The songs are disconcertingly good, and I've never been able to get this tune out of my head from the day I first heard it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PyP-x0WCseI

I wish they all could be California Gulls.

"The dead are all around us, and they watch us while we masturbate."

- Edgar, From 'Bob's Demented Alsatian'

God put lizards up my nose
Said they came from Idaho
I said, can't you put them back?
He said, why would I do that?

In the past week I've been looking up various people who I used to know or admire, and was shocked at how many of them have died in the past two years, almost invariably far too young. So it was refreshing to discover that Al Jaffee, Mad Magazine's master of the fold-in back cover and snappy answers to stupid questions turns 101 tomorrow. He announced his retirement only last June, and the Guinness Book of Records acknowledges him as having the longest ever career of a comic artist. Happy birthday, Al. God knows what insidious formative influences you wrought upon my sense of humour.