Hey fuzzy peeps!

Things have changed so much this year. I moved to an apartment last November out of my parents' house (3rd time's the charm, right?) but after being hospitalized back in June, I moved in with my now nesting partner Buhr (he's not on FA, but he digs the furries). I got a new psychiatrist then, who tweaked my meds, which desperately needed doing. I think we finally found the right cocktail, my anxiety is all manageable & it's been over a month since I had either a manic or depressive episode. My head is the clearest that it's been since I dropped out of college 10 years ago.

Which leads to my awesome news... I'm enrolled at my local community college with a major in Elementary Education! I got a grant to cover pretty much everything, so I'm not hurting for money at the moment. I'm hoping to do a couple of quilting or writing commissions to cover school supplies though. Or do a fortune-telling drive with my pendulums & oracle cards (I think that could be a lot of fun).

I don't know that I ever actually came out as nonbinary, now that I think about it. I still gladly respond to she/her pronouns, & most days I present as female (kind of hard not to with my shape), but I'm a they/them. My partners Buhr & Fin both respect it, which is really nice.

I'm skipping MFF this year for several reasons, none of which are the convention itself's fault, I love it & it kills me to not be there (first time in 12 years I'll be missing out :'( ). But financially, I need to focus on other things since I'm 30 now. & my family is trying to plan a Disney vacation in March of next year, so yeah. Sorry furries, you'll always be there, but I'm geeked to go back to Didney Whirl with the whole crew.

Let's see...since the last time I really talked, I've gained a sister-in-law, an 11 year old niece, a brother-in-law, & any day now another baby niece. My family is growing. I lost Quigley, Francesca, & Ramonda (a Basset & 2 Bunnies).

Life has been wild. But I'm enjoying the ride. How have you guys been?

Hey, if you see this could you comment? Just curious if anybody actually sees my journals.

Where are you staying?
Main Hotel "Hyatt"

What days are you attending?
Thurs-Monday

How are you traveling?
Car

Who will you be rooming with?
 Mwalimu, my fiance Buhr, & Tyler Black :)

How is the best way to find you?
Telegram or Twitter probably lol I intend to be all over the place. Let me know if you want either handle.

Are there any panels you might be attending?
I'm hoping to hit the writing & voice acting panels, & I'd love to see the dance comp & furry variety show.

What do you look like?
Short, delightfully chubby, with short auburn hair. ;) Also add in teal ears & a cute lil tail.

Will you be suiting?
Nope. The old suit is retired & about to be for sale, & I'm going to save up for a new one.

Do you do free art?
I gladly doodle.

Do you do trades?
Sure! Mostly for textile art, but I love sketchbook swaps.

Do you do badges?
Not planning on taking my laminator & major supplies this year.

What is your gender?
Genderqueer, primarily feminine presenting.

How tall are you?
5'3"

Can I talk to you?
Yeah, just keep in mind I've got some neuro issues & I might not always have the right words when I get excited.

Can I touch you?
Please always ask first.

Can I visit your room?
It's not in my name this year, so I'm not comfortable automatically saying yes this time.

Can I buy you drinks?
Caffeine is my lifeblood. Maybe something with rum in it if I'm feeling safe & decide to skip my meds.

Can I give you stuff?
Lol sure :)

Can I hug or snuggle with you?
Again, always ask first please.

Are you nice?
Most people seem to think so.

Will you be going to parties?
If I get invited yeah :)

If I see you, how should I get your attention?
"Hey Jazmine /Jaz /Shorty" or waving.

Where will you be most of the time during the day/s?
I'm gonna roam a lot this year.

What/where will you be eating?
I'll be eating food in buildings. Not sure yet, if you want to invite me for food, I'd love to hang out with people over chow.

Can I come with you for food/fun/etc?
No solid plans yet, I like to keep the con plans fluid.

Can I take your picture?
Absolutely!

What's your goal(s) for the con this year?
This year it's all about relaxing & having a good time. I've worked really hard to get to where I'm at, & I'm going to be making even more changes in my life in the next year.

I'm officially an ordained interfaith minister through the Universal Life Church. When I say interfaith, I really mean it. I grew up in a dual Jewish/Catholic home. I don't identify as either anymore, I'm what you call an eclectic spiritualist. I believe that your relationship with the divine is just that. Between you & the divine. There's some truth to everything.

My goal is to cater specifically to lgbtq couples for weddings & funerals/celebrations of life, & develop commitment ceremonies for polyamorous groups (won't be legally binding obviously, but I feel these are important).

I'm willing to travel, but would obviously need it to be part of the budget to help me get to wherever I am going to perform the ceremony.

If you know anyone in need of an officiant/celebrant/minister, please feel free to hit me up here or on telegram SewingBunDog.

Thanks all!

Hey there! It's time for me to buckle down & make about $1.5k as fast as I can because there are things that I don't want to discuss just yet because I don't want to sound like I'm begging but I need to earn money like yesterday.

Since I'm pretty multi-talented, I'm putting everything in here, & make individual pic/poetry/flash fic posts with prices too.

~Fortune Telling~
A Past-Present-Future answer deck reading is $5, any additional questions you want to ask are $1 each
Yes/No pendulum readings are $1.50 for 3 questions, & you choose which of my 3 pendulums you get to ask: Quartz, Goldstone, or Pink Lepidolite
Jade Sphere Scrying is $10 for 10 minutes. Additional time can be purchased for $5/5min increments
***Happy to do these in DM's here or twitter, but scrying is best done on telegram so we can go back & forth faster***

~SMALL Textile Projects~
Table runners/dresser toppers $20+ (+s&h) If you want to add applique, minimum $7 added on. I will have pictures of available patterns up in the next few days
Mug rugs (the odd child of a coaster & a place mat) $5 each or a set of 4 for $18 (+s&h)
Stemware cozies (like a coaster/"this is mine" for your wine glass) $3 each or 4 for $10 (+s&h)
Fursuit Bandanas $22 (+s&h)
Drawstring bags $18 (+s&h)

~Large Textile Projects~
These will be only open 1 at a time. There can be a deadline request & we can -try- to work something out, but I work 2 jobs & it will definitely take at least 2 months for these projects to be completed, especially if I have to wait for more fabric to come in. Minimum $350, complexity & size will determine exact cost. Please contact for estimates & quotes.

~Writing~
Poetry: Haiku-$5 Imagery-$5 Limerick-$10 Ballad-$10 Sonnet-$15 Free Verse-$15
Prose: Flash Fic (300-1000 words) $20-SFW $30 NSFW, Short Stories (1000-3000 words) $40-SFW $50-NSFW *Anything higher than that & we'll negotiate a price*

***List of content I will -not- write***
-Non consent
-NSFW with any minors or characters that appear to be minors
-Vore
-Excessive Gore
-Graphic abuse (ie if saying part of your character's backstory is that they've been abused, I'll give hints, but no flashbacks of explicit events)
-Torture
-NSFW stories without permission from all character's owners (if it's a gift, I need proof that they're okay accepting nsfw stuff)
-Scat, watersports, or blood play
*This list is subject to change, but I will at least try to work with you if your thing isn't on this list*

TOS:
~Fortune Telling: All fortune telling is done on an entertainment basis only. I am not held responsible for the accuracy or inaccuracy of any statement gained during my readings. Pay up front, non-refundable
~Small Textile Projects: Deadlines can be negotiated only during the ordering process when I am getting you a quote & we are discussing your project. Less than a month to make, plus shipping time. Full up front pay. Only 50% refundable if you feel like I am taking too long (because I still have to buy the supplies). WIPS can be made available for table runners & mug rugs.
~Large Textile Projects: We can discuss deadlines, but absolutely nothing under 2 months, this is non-negotiable. Once you have a quoted estimate, it is good for 3 months unless there is a waiting list, then we can negotiate. Payment plans are available, but 35% must be paid up front. If it is fully paid for & you request a refund, you can only get 25% back as materials are expensive as is maintenance on my tools. No refunds on shipped items, if you want it insured before it is shipped, we will add that to your cost.
~Writing: ANY NSFW orders will require proof of age (18+) in the form of a photo of photo ID. I am CC certified & bonded to not sell anyone's information, I only ask so I don't go to jail for dissemination of adult material to minors. Deadlines can be discussed during ordering process. Only 10% refundable as this is a very time consuming mental exercise & I can't multitask while while writing.

If you're interested in just helping me out to help me move out of a somewhat toxic situation before it gets out of control, my paypal is paypal.me/ES32889

Anyone interesting in ordering anything may contact me via comment on this journal, DM here, Telegram @SewingBunDog, or Twitter BodaciousBunDog

Please feel free to share on any platform you like. I don't want to beg people for help, I want to earn my way to a better life.

Haven't put much of anything into the fandom these days & it makes me sad. I miss writing. I've never been a good artist but lately I can't afford to commission lol. I miss quilting. Did you guys know I even do fortune telling?

Things had been really going well, moving up & forward for a couple months when I hit a really bad snag. Finding out that before I can apply to any more apartments (oh yeah, I'm still driving an hour each way to work because I've not moved yet) I have to pay $741.97 to my electric company before anyone will rent to me, as well as having some really awful ptsd related flashbacks for a few days made it hard to be a good partner to any of my loved ones, especially the one who was trying his hardest to make things right. Things are fixed there, at least so yay.

But that money. Man. I don't think that even with my jobs at the Humane Society & the Winery, I'll be able to pay that off before the weather gets bad, because of all the funding that goes towards my car. Poor baby is pulling about 120 miles a day, 5-6 days a week. & my AC system now has a leak, so my brother & I are going to try to get that fixed before he leaves for the military. Fingers crossed there.

So I guess I'm going to try to open for commissions 1 at a time of short stories & a wall hanging or a quilt, at a time... & maybe offer pendulum sessions & answer deck readings. I have 3 different pendulums, & they each have a very different...tone? Voice? Personality? However you want to call it.

Before I post pics & price guides, does anyone have any suggestions or questions?

I hate that I'm not active here. I can't commission bc of finances currently...I don't art very well...I don't have time to sew & show that off...I don't have time to write...& I definitely don't have time to suit. I'm not abandoning the fandom, most of my best friends are here. People I love are here. I guess I'm just in that unfortunate spot again where the real world is most definitely taking precedence over my free time.

But in happy news! I got an epic new job ((I might have mentioned to some friends I was working for Bergners (A BonTon store) in the fine jewelry dept. I could see the writing on the wall so to speak between hours getting cut everywhere & them hiring a full time person on top of it))...as an adoption counselor & volunteer coordinator at the Humane Society of Central IL!!! My fiance Buhr just got a cushy corporate job in the city, so on a lark I applied for the job...& got it within 24 hours. Holy mother of Magikarp. I have amazeballs coworkers, I'm getting to work with dogs, cats, rabbits, guinea pigs, hamsters, & parakeets (apparently we take anything with fur or feathers, just no scales, drat). I'm happy with the job. This is where I'm supposed to be. I'm around people who make me feel safe, & not completely weird. I'm helping animals & I'm helping families.

Like...this first week. 12 week old Bonnie the foxhound mix puppy, who hadn't made a peep in her kennel, had been afraid of coming out of her kennel, met "her" people & went apenuts. She'd met probably a dozen other families already, but these folks came in & she let out the sweetest puppy bay I'd ever heard. They brought their dog in later, & it was precious to watch. Then there was Barney the Rex Rabbit who I'd had to put the kabosh on one application for him because Jiminy Cricket it was going to be a nightmare, they'd either kill him or he'd be returned within 3 days tops. The child was terrified of him, screaming, crying, flailing around. ...A couple days later, a family comes in, they admit to never having had a bun before so I went over the good the bad & the ugly. They're having him neutered & they're going to research rabbit health thoroughly. But because they have chinchillas & virtually every other pet critter on the planet, I felt comfortable letting a beginner have a go with him. & he was so relaxed with them in comparison to his other applicants. & cats all but flying out the door with people that are graduating college (the Humane Society is in a town with 2 major universities & 2 community colleges in it) & treating themselves to a new friend.

The days are wild & go fast. But this is right. I just have to keep taking care of myself.

Seeing  FinWolfsky Cuz reasons.

It's been a helluva trip the last couple months. MFF was a blast, but things had been really stressful leading up to it.

I need July to happen faster lol. Buhr & I are supposed to be getting a 2 bedroom apartment together up in Peoria Heights, so I can be out of my parents place. Don't get me wrong. I love them. But engaged & almost 30 me needs to be out of here. I've lived away from them most of my adult life, the last 3 years have been kinda tense at points. Dad likes to still act like I'm half my age, but I'm getting the feeling if he's not bitching he must not be breathing. Mom is starting to have these little panicky moments of saying she doesn't think she can handle being alone in this great big house with him so she wants us to live here & just live in the entire basement (Um, I live in the basement now, under my parents' bedroom. They won't let me have the completely open bedroom on the other end because she's keeping it as a damn shrine to my sister who's in the Air Force...& stationed 2 hours away).

I'm real close to having my license back. Just waiting on a letter from the state of Indiana, & then I'll pay $70 to the state of IL, get plates on the Vibe, & take the written & driving tests. So yeah. There may be a lot of random visits to friends upstate, downstate, & out of state.

OH another wow Mom moment. She made this huge deal about me making the basement living room a "useable space" again. The entirety of my belongings from my 3 bedroom house went into the basement of hers & a garage stall. I've given away, sold, & thrown away most of my life it feels like. 2 weeks ago, I had to put an entire dresser on the burn pile, 5 bags of clothing went to goodwill, & 10 garbage bags of things I grudgingly said I didn't need or want anymore. & then she was all sparkles & sunshine & said "You can have furmeets down here! Build fires in the fireplace, smoke hookah & I won't tell your Dad, have some alcohol & people can sleep over!" I just...what. What? *sigh* My 54 year old mother wants furries in her basement. WTF.

Then there's the wedding. I'm grateful to my bridesmaids for being as chill as they all are. I'm sad that it's postponed. I'm so worried about Buhr it's not even funny. Right now we're having the closest thing we've ever had to a fight & I want to yell at him, but we both are of the personality where we shut down when people yell at us, so we've promised to avoid it at all costs. He's just pushing me away because he's depressed right now & I feel helpless for not being able to help take care of him better. Yes, there's definite monsters in my head worried he's decided he doesn't want me, but I'm the one who said postpone the wedding for his health. I need him to be alive to have the wedding, dammit. & I want to have him around a long time.

I want a future. I'm so tired of trying to muddle through day at a time crap, & when things remind me of my abusive past I get stuck in that. I need to be able to have something to look at & say to myself "this is what you're working for, this is what you're living for, you have to survive & thrive to make this happen." The wedding. Having a real home with him. (Don't get me wrong, I'm still poly, I still have other partners, they're just long distance) Adopting since I can't carry to term (oh man that'll be a hot freaking mess when I decide to talk about that more). Raising a kid or two. Because I want to adopt foreign, I'm sure we'll get funny looks. When we talked about it last, we had settled on kids from the Philippines & Korea. Black Dad with Indian features, white/Hebraic Mom, beautiful Asian babies. I'm sure we'll get weird looks, but y'know what? Screw people. I want a family that's multicultural. I want to raise a family that respects & learns & can teach other people how to get along. My extended family is already mixed. I'm not expecting any trouble from within. & that's the important thing.

Dunno. I'm just dealing with racing thoughts again & it's not even the helpful kind that make me more creative. I just want to watch anime & play games at the same time. Makes using the oracle deck I bought myself for Hanukkah really difficult.

Hi fuzzies

Man, what a trip. Buhr & I got there Thursday, no problem beyond a little traffic as we approached the city, but that was to be expected. Stayed at the Embassy Suites as usual (I honestly prefer it to the Hilton, the walk isn't that bad) & since our room wasn't ready at the time of our 3 o'clock check in, we unloaded the car into the lobby & chilled until 4:30 since there was a line for the bell carts too.

While we were waiting, we came to the decision to postpone the wedding, & I admit...I'm kinda saddish, but it's because of health reasons, not compatibility/commitment/emotional reasons. I'm a hot mess physically right now, but he's having serious problems too. The stress of planning the wedding will cause larger issues for us both, even though it's been one of my "let's keep going" motivations. So...yeah. I've been telling my vendors & my bridal party, & it is what it is.

I got to see a few good friends, I got to meet plenty of new people, I went to a few really informative panels. :) & I bought SO MANY FURRY BOOKS. *FLAIL* I'm gonna have to give myself an hour of reading time before bed every night if I'm gonna finish these before 2020. I got some art too, I'll try to get all of that posted here soon.

Also, I desperately want to start getting back into vending at cons. If you have opinions, let me know what you'd want to see!

Where are you staying?
Comfort Suites (across the street/through the hamster tubes) my FAVE hotel for MFF EVAR

What days are you attending?
Thurs-Sunday.

How are you traveling?
Car

Who will you be rooming with?
My fiance Buhr,  Candy & her friend Victory,  LeoAngelo & possibly a couple other peeps.

How is the best way to find you?
I'll be wearing my con badges, & if I can, suiting. I'm also addicted to Telegram & Twitter, let me know if you want my handles so we can find each other during at the con.

Are there any panels you might be attending?
I'm really excited to see what writing panels are there this year.

What do you look like?
Short & chubby. *shrug* If I'm out of suit, I've got glasses & short auburn hair.

Will you be suiting?
Dasha the suit is officially retired from the fandom. She has been renamed Libby the Liberty Dog & works for TAILS.
...That said...if I have the ability to pull off construction between now & the con, I will be debuting the Jazmine partial & hope to be suiting a lot.

Do you do free art?
Hahaha sure why not if you want a sketch from me...

Do you do trades?
Totally! My stuff is stories, drawstring bags, & quilts :D

Do you do badges?
I wish I had the drawing talent to do badges. I stopped taking badge coms when at FCN I had some drunk jerk tell me that my art wasn't worth the paper & laminant I was wasting. So yeeeah. I'll stick with my talents like cooking, writing, archery, & quilting.

What is your gender?
While I'm getting more comfortable saying genderqueer, I'm identifiable as a girl-thing.

How tall are you?
SHORT. 5'3" at the top of my head, but I'm not perfectly sure with my ears.

Can I talk to you?
Sure! If I seem out of it, my medicine makes me a little sleepy & mentally foggy. I promise it's not you lol.

Can I touch you?
With permission. I have a guard Buhr who's very protective of me & tends to notice when I'm being overstimulated & will whisk me away if he thinks I'm about to have a panic attack.

Can I visit your room?
Lol gonna depend on who's in the room at the time. I'm trying to make sure that if anybody needs quiet time alone in the room they can have it.

Can I buy you drinks?
Pepsi, cran-grape juice, or peppermint white chocolate mochas from the Starbucks in the con hotel. I'm on 10 meds now so I'm holding off on the booze. Dammit.

Can I give you stuff?
I like freebies. I like giving stuff away too, so we'll see what I can put together for gifties.

Can I hug or snuggle with you?
Gonna depend on how bad my anxiety is at any time. If I -know- you & have for several years, it shouldn't be an issue. If you're just excited to meet me, I'll like...half hug you. *shudder* Been groped too many times by weirdos like the Chihuahua Brothers to be cool with random touching lol.

Are you nice?
I have a lot of people say that I am, which baffles me because I think I'm a grumpy bun lol.

Will you be going to parties?
Hnnngh I'm not much of a partier. I like hosting art jams for my artist friends though.

If I see you, how should I get your attention?
Never ever come up behind me & grab me. That's for both your safety & my own. Usually "Jazmine" or "Dasha" are acceptable forms of attention getting since those aren't terribly common names in the fandom, but also waving at me is good since I tend to be hyperalert in crowds.

Where will you be most of the time during the day/s?
Really good question, I'll try to update this once the con programming schedule is up. I intend to be in the writing panels, & see the dance competition. Beyond that, roaming!

What/where will you be eating?
If you want to do Chinese with me, I'm sure I'll be ordering in like 2 or 3 times at least. Also if you know where a good sushi place is, I'm down!

Can I come with you for food/fun/etc?
In case Buhr is planning something specific, check in with one of us first. But I love spending time with people.

Can I take your picture?
Please ask first, but I'm usually cool with that!

What's your goal(s) for the con this year?
No goals, only vacation. I need to de-stress.

I've decided this year that I'm only going to pre-order badges & do my primary spending in the dealer's room just so I can budget better.
So far that means Buhr & I are getting headshots from  Candy & I'm getting a half body badge from  river lol
Who all is opening for MFF preorders?!?!?!?! I wish to talk Pre-Thanksgiving Turkey with you! Greasing of the palms & all that good ish!

At my home here in Pekin IL. We've got a great big burn pile, 2 & a half acres, space to pitch tents if you want to camp, & access to running water of course lol. I'm also planning on having backup space for out in the garage or down in the basement. I'd love to do it potluck style for food, but for anyone traveling from a little further out I know that's hard to make happen. This is initially just an art jam (we have the world's longest extension cords if you need them) but I'm all for coming up with other stuff to do. We've got orchards & haunts & paintball & all kinds of stuff around here. Let me know if you're interested!!! & feel free to spread the word too! I won't just give my address out until I talk to people though.

Can't wait to hear from you!

I've got 3 people that I consider sweethearts. The fiance, the one who I feel like is the one that got away even though they keep telling me they're still here, & the one who keeps telling me that they want me but doesn't really pay much attention to me. Keep in mind, I enjoy long distance relationships. I enjoy the emotional bonds, I don't require nearly as much physical satisfaction as I used to (gee thanks bipolar meds). But man...It's not even that I'm feeling lonely, it's that I want more than they can give me right now. Fiance is fighting his own demons, Lion is busy (lol legit has 3 live in girlfriends. I know that I am not a priority there, why I keep trying is just pure masochism at this point, we're more friends than anything), & I wish I could help Wolfsky out but I don't know what I can do...nothing feels like enough.

I'm the one who normally shouts from the rooftops that communication is VITAL to any sort of relationship but especially Poly ones. But now...I'm shuttering myself, & I don't have a good reason why. I'll admit, stress is killing me. The wedding planning has been pretty much cake up to now, it's the financial aspect that has me tense. The bigger part is interpersonal issues with people, stressing about being forced to take a job I don't want, & wanting to be better but feeling like I'm never going to get there.

As stupid as it sounds, I miss having a girlfriend. Fiance has several times encouraged me to find one, because he saw that before I even wanted to acknowledge it. ...But my ex kinda has me afraid of women. Seriously, how dumb is that, right? I don't even have any real female crushes right now, but I miss girly cuddles, & all that good stuff. Yeah, he totally wants a threesome, he's not lying to me about that, but he wants me happy. (PS anybody who A: Wants to admit they have a crush on me, that'd be rad or B: would want to share that big ol Bear of a studmuffin with me, hit me up lol)

Past that...when my psychiatrist quit the clinic, that put me on a list to see a new one, but that won't be until November. I hate that I'm going to have to totally start over. But I guess that's good because I feel like I need it. I feel like I've been mentally backpedaling on my trauma since some of it reared its head again. Maybe I'll actually find a therapist that I can deal with this time. Idk.

If you read this far, thanks. I don't expect anybody to, & that's not because I'm being dramatic or some dumb high school crap, it's because it's rambly & not worth reading. I just had to get it off my chest.

Be good to each other lovelies. The world sucks out there.

I'm starting once a week/maybe once every other week blog postings where I interview an artist/musician/crafter/writer & post links to their galleries. It's totally free advertising, & I get nothing out of it. I just want to promote creators within the fandom. The blog is over on my Furry4Life account, but I'll link it on Twitter & I'll cross post here. I'm also debating on setting up a tumblr.

Please DM me or leave a comment, & if you know anyone looking for signal boosting, send them my way!

...For anyone who enjoyed the HBO series TrueBlood...the actor who played Lafayette has passed at age 39 due to heart failure. I'm heart broken because he was such a fabulous actor & portrayed his character on that show so well that they show writers chose to keep him instead of killing him off where he did in the books.
The man had fabulous amounts of talent, & I had so looked forward to seeing him continue to be a showstopper.
Thoughts & good vibes to his friends & loved ones.

Buhr has been really down again lately. Down enough that I was getting paranoid. I needed to figure out if anything I'm doing was part of the problem. Well, yay, it's not. But it led to us re-discussing being poly. I asked him what was stuff that made him uncomfortable, what were things that he was okay with, what was in the grey area? ...Because he feels like I've given him the eternal hall pass (bahahaha) he says I can pretty much do whatever I want, as long as I tell him, & the max amount of relationships with penises he wants me in is 5 (oh my gosh this precious baby, what would I do without him). He couldn't figure out why I couldn't stop laughing, so I finally had to admit that 5 was probably more than I could handle. Love this guy.

I need to not do this. Because I'll never be able to get art of all of them, and my own doodles don't quite cut it lol. But I've got this adorable Transguy Otter I'm cooking up, he makes me so happy lol. He'll probably be listed just as one of "Jaz's besties" type thing. Gah.

Some of the others are canines for a book I'm writing, so at least I have an excuse for making them up.

So. I put in my 2 weeks at Staples. I'm tempted to say something to HR because the one manager was being a shit head when I was trying to be serious "What, you finally coming out as a man?" Um. Not cool. At all. (I'm kinda genderfluid questioning anyway, but that's just not something that's okay to say)

Love bartending at the winery so far. Haven't gotten any $ from it yet (festival tips will be processed in the paycheck because of how many of us were working that weekend) but I'm just happy at how chill it is.

So I'm working in the quilt shop a lot more frequently until I have another "regular" job. I'm going to be busting ass trying to help mom pay for Minnie's surgery, and I still have to try and save $ for the wedding. I'm going to teach a beginner quilt class, with a super super easy pattern. I'm excited, I just need to write up the class advertisement & pick what day(s) I want to offer it.

Before anybody goes "Why'd you quit if you didn't have something else lined up?" A) Mom needs me. We have the national quilt expo, the international row by row tour, the central IL shop hop, the decatur quilt show & the jacksonville quilt show all this summer & she can't do this by herself. B) We have to get everything out of the main living spaces & the kitchen on the ground floor of the house so the house can be fixed finally. That whole ceiling collapsing thing is going to get dealt with yay. C) My mental health is struggling because of that job. Because I don't know if we're getting shut down or not & corporate just plays games, & the 2 new managers are just as bad as the last one, I have been back to having serious panic attacks and breaking down. I got suicidal again. It's time to leave.

My emotional downswing has other parts, but those are deeply personal right now & I'm not feeling like discussing them yet.

All I can do is keep plugging along & keep trying to make $. Gotta get independent.

Once upon a time, when she was 9 months old, my parents paid for their Mastiff/Shepherd mix Minnie to be spayed. We used the clinic that my family had been going to for 20 years for all of our dogs. Even right after the surgery, something seemed off, but we were brushed off & told she would heal up just fine.

Minnie is now 4 years old. She has, like clockwork, gone into heat every 6 months. When the clinic was confronted a year and a half ago, they said if we wanted her properly spayed, we would have to pay for another entire surgery. My Dad decided to let it go, & just hope for the best.

Fast forward to about a month ago. Minnie started having seizures. We contacted the vet that my sister-in-law has friends at, & I was getting ready to switch my dogs to. They said to keep an eye on her, it could be general epilepsy, diabetic seizures, or indicative with a larger problem.

Two weeks ago, Minnie started -screaming- when she would try to stretch and had difficulty walking, and was flat unable to do the three steps out the back door to the yard. When we finally got her out there, she did her business and promptly fell over in the grass. None of us could get her up, but she was awake and responsive. So we clipped her outside lead on her, made sure she had shade, & brought her a huge bowl of water. She didn't move other than to lift her head for a drink for 6 hours.

Sister-in-law took her to the new vet, did all the transferring of files, so Minnie is no longer a patient at the old vet at all. The new place is more expensive but they are amazing vets & everyone on staff are just fantastic (they run the two animal rescues I volunteer with). They did x-rays & a sonogram & bloodwork. None of the doctors (three on staff) had ever seen anything like it. The techs, who I happen to be friends with, called me. There was a large unidentifiable blob "near" where her uterus was. Surprise, that was still there. But her entire bladder was compartmentalized & appeared to be filled with bubbles. So since they couldn't give us a solid answer of what was wrong, they sent her home on anti-inflamatories & antibiotics. They gave us the option of sending the scans off to a radiologist. Yes. Yes yes yes. We need to know what's wrong with her.

Three days later, we get the news that it is indeed Pyometra https://vcahospitals.com/know-your-.....ometra-in-dogs if you're not familiar with what/where it is in your girly dogs. So yes. Whatever's left of her uterus is full of pus & is infected & has hardened enough that when the vet tried to drain some to take some of the pressure off of her, they couldn't get anything out. The infection has spread to her bladder. She takes medication three times a day now until she goes into her heat cycle again in a couple of weeks. Then they'll open her up, do a FULL SPAY, remove the extra blob of whatever, & make sure her bladder is going to be okay.

We have been quoted approximately $1,000 USD for the surgery & all the necessary medication. Considering we're dealing with having to pull $2k out of thin air for the insurance company to fix the collapsing ceiling/siding/roof/carpet/walls here at home...I'm doing everything I can to help Mom pay for the surgery. Because Dad's response was maybe we should just let her go. She's got a long life ahead of her if I have anything to do with it. She's a good girl, very well behaved, and she certainly does not deserve to die because some moron couldn't do his job right the first time.

My friend  EmSheepStudios is also in a pet pickle as well. She found out yesterday that her barely two year old Chihuahua/Papillion mix Bean has Intervertebral Disc Disease (aka degenerative disc disease). Bean is unable to move without being in tremendous pain, and can't even be picked up without problems. Treatment for that will be outrageously expensive.

The two of us are teaming up to make adoptables to help our families take care of our dogs. Please be on the lookout for the adopts & I am begging for help advertising once we get some of them up. She & I will be splitting the $ that comes in so both Bean & Minnie get the help they need.

Spent this evening applying for jobs so I can quit Staples. I love the winery already, so I have to work around that & the quilt shop's needing me, but I've about had it with the way things are going in the store with the new management & corporate closing everything around us. Handwriting is on the wall, & I want to get out before I'm screwed over. Places are actually hiring right now, as opposed to when a store closes and holy crap everybody needs a new job & there's none to be had.

Fingers crossed for Petco or Krogers. Never heard back from Menards. Thinking about applying for a work from home gig with a political polling company. It's good $ & I'd still be working outside the house with the other 2 jobs. & I've still got Pink Zebra & Stitched Dragon.

Who knows. Just felt like sharing with the furryverse.

When I had my own house, even though I lived with a significant other or two and a roommate always, I always had peace & quiet & space to myself. I certainly have space, but I hate doing everything in the basement because half the bulbs are burnt out & Dad won't buy replacements because one single switch turns on...36 bulbs. Electricity is expensive, so I don't blame him. So I hang out up on the main floor a lot. My dogs aren't allowed up here which is a heckin bummer but there's a safety reason for that, & it's another story entirely.

But today is glorious & makes me miss being out "on my own" more than usual. I'm doing laundry, I'm cooking, I'm researching for a story (who likes Irish mythology & big studly horses?) & I'm gonna do some sketching later. If I trusted myself more, I'd say I'd get an apartment on my own before getting married, but I do better with hooman company to make sure that I'm not slipping into a hole I can't pull myself out of alone.

The family is away for a race weekend (I'll get weekends like this once a month WOO!) and while I'll be working all day Saturday between 2/3 jobs, Sundays will be glorious and productive & full of me time. Chores list be damned lol. Maybe if I have a good enough Saturday at the winery, I'll try to arrange for Sunday furry meets & we can hang & art jam. Once the living room is fixed with the insurance $ (ceiling collapsed in part of it), we've got 3 really good sized tables, & plenty of chill space.

I've got really nice patterns for making ponchos & vests...& I'm tempted to start making them for either/or/both fursuit wear & maybe general wear with elements of fursonas added in.

Might make one for Libby & see how that goes, I don't hang out with any other local suiters so Idk who else to use as a guinea pig.

& I want to make more friends over there/give cute baby dragons to! So if you don't already play FR, it's totally free to play, and they have once a month open signups just to be able to keep up with everybody lol.

https://www.flightrising.com is so cool, they take care of their players & staff, & the art is gorgeous. My name over there is RhysaCorgi, add me if you want!