Can't talk long, but talking to people in voice chats has made a huge difference in my overall mood. I feel so much better, less like I need to write heated "closure letters" to people I don't like.

Going into voice-chat rooms might actually be the in-between I need towards overcoming my anxiety. Unlike with in-person meets, I don't feel sleighted if nobody notices me. More often then not, though, people actually do acknowledge me when I enter. It's more understandable over the phone when they literally are unable to see you sitting there. Plus, I can work on my projects while I listen to other people talk.

All the rage and resentment I felt, in hindsight only applies to a few groups. I still don't like telegram, and I still am apprehensive around a few specific people, but my inventory for interacting with other furs is much greater.

Thank you all for being so patient with me.

Okay, so, I haven't been uploading very often, and it's a miracle I have as many subscribers that I do. So... to remedy the upload problem, I'm going to concentrate chiefly on the first installment of a series books I wanted to start since 2013. Back then, I did not have a good technique for drafting. In my view, a work like this has to have catchy sentences (read works by Gregory Maguire, Saki/H. H. Munro, O. Henry, or John Updike to see what I mean). I realize that that can get in the way of clarity, but it's what I have to do, at least in the first draft.

So, I do have a big long outline for the first installment. I haven't written any stories yet, but I have made considerable progress with the prologue, which I will upload here and my other sites in its entirety once I have it and the thumbnail for my stories written.

Now, because I want to be able to make at least some profit off of this, I will only be uploading the first two pages of each chapter when I complete them. You will have to pledge $3 to my patreon to read the whole thing (I'm still trying to work out the tiers). I don't know what the upload rate will be in terms of the stories themselves, but I will say that, once I complete the book, I will sell it for $8 individually.

As for the story itself; it takes place in an alternate Earth, in the fictional city Damselwood, Arizona, in the year 2065. Humans share the planet with both talking animals from alien planets (called neoimmigrants, or neogs for short) and regular mute animals. Life in the city is disrupted when a war breaks out in the underground water reservoir, and after the town's men are drafted to exterminate the hostile squatters there, four children join in to discover the secret of their origins and life purpose.

In the mean time, I will be uploading pictures of the characters, in their illustration forms and their cartoon forms, alongside scenes from the books. Feedback and critiques are always welcome.

After a long talk with my therapist, I think what I'm lacking is really just face-to-face friendships.

Now... I still think that online friendships can only offer so much, but I understand that my experiences were with a select few people. If I counted up all the furries I liked verses the ones I didn't like (or even just felt wary towards), it usually comes out as two-to-one. That said, there are some trends that I just don't mesh with. It's not enough to see people in fursuits having a grand old time. I need to be a part of it for it to mean anything to me. I wouldn't outright reject virtual affection, but it does tend to pile up to spam.

I need to get my life in order. I think the problem goes even deeper than whether or not I'm in the fandom. I need to connect with people. I don't have a plan yet. I need a rest from even thinking that I need to plan.

I haven't felt this low since before I started taking zoloft. I understand that what I'm about to say could damage by business (not that it was thriving to begin with), drive away some of my subscribers, and even be a deal-breaker for the people who have felt closest to me. But I have been very unhappy with my membership in the furry fandom. I'm getting the sense that I'm a part of it for all the wrong reasons. I'm bitter about things that happened more than a year ago, and stating my mind on those specific issues TO the people involved has not enabled me to forgive and move on. I'm facing a problem, and it goes deeper than a few unfortunate experiences.

First thing, my business is not doing well. I think I lack the self-discipline to not only finish my drawings, but investigate what it is that people want to see. I wouldn't even know where to start with this. All I know is that I'm bored with doing fetish art. It makes me feel icky. I lost my flaire for that after I started taking zoloft; I may have just got into the game too late. I'd rather design the characters I'm writing for my novels. And even then, I don't have much drive to do. I feel like I'm outgrowing my passion for drawing, especially considering I have so many other hobbies I want to compete with.

Second thing, my continued membership in this fandom is based on a need to feel loved. I do not feel loved. I feel left out and ignored. This is more in the case of the telegram and chat discord groups I joined. I do not feel close to people I meet online. This is going to upset a lot of people, but in terms of emotional connection, telegram and discord friendships just don't amount to much. I need to know you in person. Without face-to-face contact, I just feel empty. And virtual affection (which actually isn't affection at all) doesn't work. I'm extremely lonely and scared. After leaving my local group for good, I thought that writing closure letters would end my resentment and bitterness. It didn't.

And if I'm giving the impression that my bad experience was limited to one group, no, it wasn't. One discord server I used to be a part of had an emotional support server, and the moderators were very unhelpful. All they did was insult the people I had a problem with (there's middle ground between taking sides), or blame me for my struggles. I eventually left that, too. I was a part of a telegram server from a neighboring state, but they continually ganged up on this mentally ill guy and white-knighted this supposedly 13-year-old self-centered runt. I really hate telegram now. The blocking system is especially stupid. Why the hell are people allowed to know that you've blocked them?

It's experiences like these that make me wonder if the fandom is really as friendly as its members profess. I don't know, I haven't been to a convention, which I can't afford to do, and I can't imagine what I'd do there, anyway. The local furs certainly were not, except for a select few who barely showed up at any meet-ups. Supposedly, out of the seven or so closure letters I wrote, all except for two replied with what my counsellor interpreted as understanding (I didn't read them, I just asked her to delete my messages for me), but even if they didn't respond with hostility, resentment, or even indifference, the fact remains that they snubbed me. That is not the behavior of someone from a friendly fandom.

No doubt there are going to be people who read this and call me selfish or entitled. I am entitled to be loved, not to any one specific person's love, but if this is really such a great fandom, then somebody should have been at least willing to say something to me without me having to wedge my way into the conversation, only to be pushed out again, over and over. I don't want to be angry about this for the rest of my life. I'm eventually going to have to accept that 1. There are many people who aren't even going to give you the bare minamum of good manners, 2. There are many people who won't bother giving you the benefit of the doubt, and 3. True love and friendship is extremely hard to establish. If I have to leave the fandom to come to terms with these facts, then so be it.

I'm not shutting down my business. But I am going to have to have a long talk with my counsellor about this. Probably several long talks. I just don't feel any love. I need to feel loved to function, and all I feel like is a misfit among the misfits.

I have 10 slots available for anyone interested.

Be sure to read over my ToS here.
https://www.dropbox.com/s/sek88lw5q.....7note.txt?dl=0

As you may have noticed, I don't upload all that often. A big reason for this is that the stuff I'm actually inspired to work on tends to be stuff I feel like I ought to save for patreon-only content. I do have a lot of projects planned, but nothing I've worked on for the past couple of months is complete.

So... cards on the table, the thing I am most passionate about is my Arizona Fairy Tail project. What I'd like feedback on is this: am I wasting upload opportunities by keeping AFT artwork a secret? I tried to do a special little contest where you guys would guess what the characters would look like based on their silhouettes, and only two people responded. Not that I think that's surprising.

At any rate, I guess I'm partly stressed about not building an audience very well, not taking the steps to grow my channel, worrying about selling out if I do fetish art (which I don't mind doing, it's just not something that I'm passionate about). One thing I really don't want to do (ever again) is upload outlines of my character arcs. I'd like most of this to be spoiler-free, or as spoiler free as possible.

Don't worry, I'll still upload unmasking, inflation, fanart, whatever, it's just that I need some guidance on what I should put up.

First up, I have my patreon page up at https://www.patreon.com/jechoes90. It's nothing too elaborate, and I don't have much patron-only content yet, but I wanted to let you guys know that I do have my page up. I hope you can become a member.

Also, I have removed all the fanart of disney characters. You'll have to DM me for those. I didn't want to do it, but I need to give Disney as little reason as possible to sue me. I will probably be removing fanart in general. Plus, while I'll still do fetish-themed art, I want to focus a little more on drawings of characters from my upcoming novels, much of which will be patron-only content.

Also, remember to SAY IN THE SUBJECT LINE if you want a copy of something I've deleted. If it's blank or has a meaningless word or phrase ("Hi," "How are you," "Skiddle-diddle-doo,") I'll delete it.

Sooo… I've chosen a new upload strategy, which is to upload all of my high school art and work on new stuff in the mean time. I have 20 well-endowed pin-up models in the works, along with a bunch of inflated human characters, the guild of bested carnies, and a Don Bluthanized Lemony Snicket. As for story work, I have one subscriber bonus going very well, a high school story I'm currently revising, and a NoSleep horror story I plan to post on reddit. So… I am working on things, I just don't have anything I want to upload yet.

I'm also trying to get my patreon started, but I don't know what I want to make patreon exclusive. See… the thing is, I know that copyrighted characters tend to get the most traffic, but it's against my policy to charge money to see them… clearly, business ventures are not my strong suit. I'm wondering if I should just ease up on doing copywrited characters in general, or simply put less effort into those kinds of pictures, and focuse moreso on my own creations. Yes… just typing this up seems to be offering itself up as a solution. As much as I'd like to finish the water-ballooned heros, I'm wondering if the effort I plan on investing there will turn out to be a waste of time. Still… yeah, I'm… kind of thinking out loud here.

So… anybody who's much more business savy than I am (and that pool shouldn't be a small one), by all means, speak up and tell me what you think I should do.

Oh, before I forget, in my ToS (https://www.dropbox.com/s/sek88lw5q.....7note.txt?dl=0) I have a new clause where for every $100 you commission me with, you get a free 2000 word story, line-art drawing, or 48 - five instrument song. Just as a client bonus.

I'm open for story, art, or music commissions. Be sure to check out my ToS before you commission me: https://www.dropbox.com/s/sek88lw5q.....7note.txt?dl=0

From now on, so I don't have to put up with formatting differences across my various web platforms, my ToS is going to be available only through the dropbox link, so please inform me if it doesn't work.

Whatever this said is outdated. Go here for my updated ToS:

https://www.dropbox.com/s/sek88lw5q.....7note.txt?dl=0

One of the trickiest parts of running my own business is getting my priorities in order. Among the back-burner projects are things I said I'd do and never got around to them, largely due to over-planning and a nomadic focus I can't find the leash for. I haven't cancelled anything, but I have planned poorly. In that, I have planned too far ahead. Throw in my face-to-face facets (church, work, exercise), and what I have is a cramped, immovable itenerary.

Here is my current plan: I start with the things people are paying me for:

The Land Before Time theme (brother's commission)
The American Tail Theme (brother)
Collage of family portraiture (different brother)
Other possible commissions

Then do the stuff that interest me the most:

An Arizona Fairy Tail
Inktober (Which at this rate I probably will not finish).

Then do the stuff that I said I'd do for free

Subscriber Bonus Stories for those who participated in Our Human Masks

Somewhere in here, I need to add blogging, updating my profile page, and working on my Weasyl and Sofurry galleries. I also need to get out of the habit of starting projects before I finish old ones. I don't mind unfinished drawings, but I cannot abide unfinished stories.

Hey, a guy on DA wanted me to share his kickstarter project. Looks pretty cool. Go check it out.

https://www.kickstarter.com/project.....ss-destruction

So I'm a big fan of the NoSleep podcast. What I was thinking of doing for this month would be to upload scenes I've drawn from various NoSleep stories, and just put on the mature filter for the more graphic ones (look up "Aaron's Magic Boxx" by William Dalphin, wherein a kid discovers a spellbook and gets maimed when a teleportation spell goes wrong).

What I would like to know is this: Would anyone unsubscribe from my channel if they started seeing things like a statue of a woman with her face chiseled into her torso? I'll also be uploading horror story synopses, but I figure that nobody gets freaked out from the sight of a story thumbnail (I need to come up with a less crappy "Under Construction" thumbnail).

I thought about creating a separate account for NoSleep stuff, but I figure that would be too much to keep up with. What are your thoughts? Let me know in the comments or in a personal note, just remember to include the subject line, otherwise I'll assume it's just spam.

You have to have the SFW filter off, but I just posted a story I've been working on for a while. It's a paranormal story, and it does contain some sensitive issues, but if you would like to critique it, any advice would be helpful.

I just need to start from where I'm most interested. As it stands now, I want to try my hand at writing horror. I've been listening to the NoSleep podcast since the end of 2016, and I'd really like to submit something to it. I recently created a reddit account for that specific purpose.

I've started by dissecting my favorite NoSleep stories to get to the principles behind the ideas. It's a tricky job, but it's what I majored in English for. So far, I have noticed a few trends I could implement, although having someone to discuss this with would be very helpful.

If you're a NoSleep fan, I'd like for us to get together and talk. Any ideas on it would be useful.

My clock has been all wrong on this site. It's been displaying an hour ahead of the time I actually post things. I corrected it to Central Standard Time, so I hope things will match up with my actual time.

Here's a list of projects I have started:

• Writing Projects
○ Essay on Sexual Development
○ NoSleep
§ 3 stories in particular
○ An Arizona Fairy Tail
§ 100 episodes
○ Subscriber Bonus Stories
§ 6 Stories, based on who inquires
○ Personal Story Prompt Challenge
§ About 11 stories left
○ 2008 Style Emulation
§ About 23 further short stories
○ The Jayniverse (Separate stories and novel ideas accumulated over the years)
§ Well over 30
• Art Projects
○ Baby Mountain
○ Puddles
○ Pick a Brain
○ Bull Skull
○ Baudelaires
○ Deadly Sins
○ Fruit
○ Personal Telegram Sticker Set
• Music Projects
○ Calendar Songs
§ Almost 240 covers
• Extraneous projects
○ Fursuit
○ Volunteering my way into a job
○ Setting up my Patreon and YouTube

Terms of Service

These are subject to change according to further research and experience, but here are the basic guidelines:

Mode of Operation

I draw pictures, write stories, and compose songs. All of my commission prices will be listed under my commission info tab. As of June 2019, I'm only taking art commissions, so I have yet to decide how I will price story and song commissions. I charge according to how much detail you want in your pictures.

Commission Prices

All prices will be listed under the "commission info" tab. It takes me between 2-4 days (for individual sketches) and 8-12 days (for shaded color) to complete commissions, so if you commission me, I ask for your patience.
 
For anyone who commissions higher than a sketch, I will send you preliminary sketches just to make sure I'm taking it in the right direction. If ever you would like a higher level of completion, I will glady complete the picture according to whatever new level you want.
 
Taboos
 
Commissions I will not accept are ones that involve:
· Bare genetils
· Explicit/Obvious sexual activity
· Implicit sexual activity involving minors
· Realistic bodily fluids/solids
· Recognizable human celebrities or copyrighted characters*
 
As for celebrities/copyrighted characters, I will need to make enough adjustments to render the commission in question unrecognizable as such. I do not want to face the legalities of intellectual theft/plagiarism.

Price Deduction / Refunds

For any picture you have previously commissioned me and want a higher level of completion (or LoC), I will subtract what you've already paid for the overall price.

The following circumstances are cause for refunds:
· If completing the commission takes longer than one month after my initially estimated projection
· If I am persistantly nagged by the commissioner while I am working on it within two days

Commission Process

The time it takes me to complete a commission varies depending on the LoC and the content of the commission. I ask that you give me at least 48 hours to respond. I also ask that you have a clear idea of what it is you want me to draw before you commission me. I do not work well if I have to juggle my art with requests for update pictures and check-ins.

Persistent messaging me, no matter the platform (telegram, discord, e-mail, etc) will result in a reminder that it takes me 48 hours to get started. Further persistence without my prompting will result in a refund and cancellation of the commission.

General Etiquette

Please remember to put something informative in the subject line of any note or message you send me. It's inconsiderate of my time to expect me to respond to questions like, "What's up?" or "How are you?"
 
I will not tolerate arguments in the comment section. I haven't seen the need to block anyone, but I will delete your comment if you have nothing useful or meaningful to say. I welcome critiques and criticisms; but if you have something personal against me and you would like to reconcile it, feel free to e-mail me. Just remember to be polite and use subjective language (E.g. "I feel that your comment was unfair and offensive" as opposed to "You offended me"). Own your feelings and I'll own my words.

Guys, I have to level with you…

In agreeing to write stories involving your characters, I wasn't being honest with myself. The fact is, I can't really write anything that doesn't belong to me. Writing is much more personal to me than drawing is. Drawing a character isn't tricky the way writing a character is. I have to study more than a character’s appearance when I write, I also have to consider motives, backstory, body language, conflict, psychological profile, relationships and the like, not to mention setting and plot. At this point in my life, it's just too overwhelming to try to take on the responsibility of another person's character, something that I expect is very personal to you.

What I will do instead is guide you towards writing your own stories, building your own settings, developing your own characters. I'll still do this for free, and I'll be available on Wednesdays and Fridays, 6:00-7:30 PM, CDT.

So, since discovering Cold Turkey blocker... my dedication hasn't picked up all that much. Definitely need to figure some things out. BUT. Here's a list of the things I need to finish up before starting anything new. That's my main problem, starting new things withoug finishing the stuff I've already started.

-An Arizona Fairy Tail: Season 1
-Subscriber Bonus Stories
*  mysteryezekude
*  dracosilv
*  felixarts
*  anomani
*  theferbguy
-The essay on Fetish Development
-Rudolph fanfic
-Latest trade with  felixarts
-A commission for my younger brother
-Reviewing my younger brother's stories

I need to finish at least half of that before working on anything else. I'm sure there are other things lurking in my folders but until I get my ass in gear over the things above I'll consider it all scrapwork.

So, I've been pretty insecure about my infrequent upload count lately. I'm thinking that I'd be much more at ease if I uploaded a few scraps every couple of days, both story synopses and visual sketches. I feel like I ought to assure my subscribers that I am working, it just takes a while for me to get a picture shaded, or even reasonably revised.

That's to say nothing of my writing. I've started meditating lately, and I want to move to a place where I can confidently say I'm not rushing to get things put up. I wasn't really all that invested in the last few stories I put up, or even the frog thing. I feel a little guilty that I didn't spend more time on it.

Now... the "be yourself" cliche comes to mind... while I do think it's generally vague and hackneyed advice to "just be yourself," I do value sincerity, and one of the things I sincerely feel is that I think I would be much more satisfied if I uploaded regularly the things I have to show rather than trying to perfect something every other week.

That being said, I'll be posting more in the scraps this year, both drawn and written work. Critiques and feedback is still desirable, I just like for people to know I'm not gone for good.

So, I expect that most of my subscribers aren't watching me anymore; not that I blame them. It takes me like two weeks if not longer to get anything uploaded.

I guarantee, though, that some more pictures and stories are in the works.

So, the way I operate is by writing several stories, drawing several pictures, or composing several songs at once. Unless I'm actually getting paid to draw something, I generally will not sit down and work on it all the way through. No, I'm too scattered for that.

I had the idea of posting a few things I've drawn on paper in my scraps folder. I recently discovered a disk with all of my old high school drawings on it. Let me know if that interests you.

Cheerio!

}:^)> That's the Count Olaf typeface. I invented it.

Go to @ ljtidingsandaims on telegram (without the space after the @ symbol) see more frequent updates. Eventually, I will put much of what is there on here, but it's less of a hassle to upload there, as I'm working from my phone pretty much 99% of the time 👍

Text-based chat just doesn't cut it for me. I mean, it's all well and good some of the time, but I want something a little more personal.

So on Discord, my user handle is jechoes90 #4502. I'd like someone sensitive but confident to talk to about feelings, friendships, experiences, literature, and other things. Basically, I need to connect a little better. Most of my in-person friends don't have the time.

If you're able to listen and have a considerable amount of patience, please respond.