I worship several gods, but practice no orthodoxy.

Aesir, Kemetism, of aOdin All father and Sobek, and my heart for Anubis, guardian of souls, do I occasionally pay my prayers.

But I look back.

The Calvary Chapel, Christian. I converted after a fearful movie about Armageddon, and fear was my faith, not love. Fear of hell, of sin, of going wrong. How the thoughts affected my sexual life that lingers even more, of occasional flashes that I do wrong and am being judged.

I once wanted to be a priest, but the bible turned me from faith.

Not the words of Christ, spoken with forgiveness and love and enduring evil that you might be a beacon of light for others, but words of hate.

The gospel of Paul, who hated. Of Mark, who wrote dirty. Of poetry there was little, of beauty, even less. That all beauty was seen as evil of the world is fleeting and shouldn't be taken in for what it is.

The night I freed myself was hard and terrifying but also it was enlightening. My burden lifted. I went. But it was good.

Now, I worship gods in opposition, and I'm amused by the words off my old faith, to see the hate there, the bigotry between the lines. My Gods sigh and shake their head, and tell me to not concern with a little god with little worshippers. But they also warn to never misjudge an enemy.

But I still look with sadness, at those who I loved, and see them wallow in their great fear and hate.

While I bask in love.

Had it been only my own vision, or do so many artistic works I see look very much the same, as though drawn from the same host work? Not a lot of variety, or maybe I'm just getting critical of things like that now.

Where's the warmth and attempting at something new? So many are just generic now, with no offers of more than what's just seen.

Maybe I'm just old.

This account is closed. The holder of it is gone. If you owe me comissions, consider them completed. My apologies for not being a better person, or a better human being. Goodbye.

Due to financial distress, I am now opening my stories up to being commissioned.

Ask for details if you are interested.

More information to follow.

Of late, I have begun a study and personal path into the heart of religion once more, though not the path of the martyr'd god, or the path of a deity of war or trickery. I have begun a study into the path of cults and circles, and have started to study Paganism.

I do not know where to step, or where to go, but I am not going to let that stop me. I am not going to brew magic oils or carve totems, both because I lack the gifts for it, and because I do not feel I need the symbolism to fill this path.

I suppose it's a form of nature worship that I am looking to fulfill. Worship of nature as a whole, good and ill, without reservation for what I might encounter. I am going to desire to see the secrets and know them, and become part of them. Who knows where this will lead?

Let's see where this takes me.