I just wanted to let everyone know who talks to me on Second Life that I no longer have internet access.
I'm using my phone right now just to do this little Journal.
I won't have internet back in until May so six months.
I had it cut off because I couldn't afford the bill and afford to get a new video card and I need a new video card pretty bad.
But there's more to it than that I have taxes to pay and some other things and a 67 dollar internet bill was hindering things.
I'm on a fixed income and that makes things a little difficult.
It is what it is.
I hope by the time I come back that I have things sorted out.

Anyone know a good place to stream doing art?
Both YouTube AND Twitch have gone to hell with rules about music.
I like listening to 80s music in the background while i work, and i can't do that on those platforms anymore.
The rules of these places are getting nuts..

I find it funny how there is so much gay art with guys who look like they got hips ass and tits..
But gay men i've met generally seem to despise tits.. so they're not into trans ladies.. it's so odd to me.
I been in SL for years, and i'm semi-bi.. i like men first and foremost but i'm also into trans ladies.

To be clear i'm male in RL.

But my avatar in SL is a shemale, and in fact at times she's rather butch and masculine and hung... but when i approach the really sexy guys in SL, the ones using Aesthetic mesh body, they all are gay and seem to despise tits or makeup or hips or a round ass or all of those things or a combination of them.. and yet when i look at gay art.. i see often times men that look like muscular shemales.. so i'm really fucking confused.

I mean, i've met a few gay guys who generally speaking are kinda like me.. in fact i don't really consider myself bi at all but gay.. i love dick and ass.. i'm not a big fan of vagina at all... so i meet these gay guys who are kinda like me.. they don't mind tits and ass and curves.. they just don't like vagina.. but those same gay guys usually have very feminine AVs and are usually femboys and what not...

So it's a big confusing thing for me.. gay art with guys who really are busty and curvy... but SL with gay men who freak out at the features my AV has.. it's odd.
In fact now days i sorta change to a male AV to get the attention of these guys in SL.

I'm gonna be honest.. gay men in SL are usually fucking hot as can be.. they really know how to pull it together.. they really do.
Be they furry or human.. they're fucking hot!

Meanwhile a lot of the guys who ARE into me are rather unappealing unless i help them with their AVs..

I'm really just a weirdo i guess.. specially since i like sporting tits and curves and what not.. so i dunno.

I just felt like talking about it..
I keep seeing more and more gay art where the ass and hips are just insanely feminine.. lol

I've been a shitty person my entire time in second life.
I've been shitty, and just unwilling to change.
But i'm at my wits end..

I would plaster this entire thing on my second life profile, but i can't fit it there.
I'm not very fond of females, especially not in second life, and this also applies to transmasculine heshe males in SL.

I'm just not turned on by small vagina, i'm not turned on by skinny females... or little femme cboys.
I am VERY specific about what i find sexy in both women and men.

But no matter how upfront and honest i try and be, things still fall apart... or i run into issues like the one i ran into recently.

A lot of folks are bad about walking around in SL with a tiny little prim vagina in SL, either it's small and not sexy, or there is no vagina period.. and it gets to me.

I'm also tired of really thin females who want me.

But .. in the end, i'm being selfish.. i'm a bitch.. and.. i end up hurting folks, even when i try and meet likeminded folks...

Tonight.. i won't say who.. but a "cboy" i know, i hurt his feelings.. i "ruined his boner" as he put it.. which is a weird thing to say when you insist on having a vagina in SL to begin with.

And I generally upset him.

This sort of situation is one i am always trying to avoid... but i end up having it anyhow.

I could go on a rant about how people need to change this and change that.. but for as much of a fucking selfish bitch i am, i can not for the life of me expect for folks to change for me, but rather i rather just find folks i see eye to eye with.

So, if I thought it would help some if i just admit to a group of folks how selfish and uptight and picky and weird and... just how terrible of a person i am ... it might help me move on from these situations better.

I don't even think we can help what we find sexy.
We just find sexy what we find sexy.

I don't think anyone chooses to find big thick bimbos sexy, they are just sexy to people.

I don't choose to not find skinny females sexy, i'm just not turned on by them.

I don't choose to find big hunky guys to be sexy, they just are sexy to me..

I don't choose to find a large thick pussy sexy.. they just are sexy to me.

But i still see how it could upset others...

And i don't really mean to upset anymore.

But you all need to know how selfish i am... how hurtful i can be.
How i'm not a nice person.. i guess i care a little about others.. but that's it.

So i dunno... i wanted to vent my frustrations.

I won't say who this person is... i don't want to have anyone looking down on them..
But i can't help myself..

And i am sorry to anyone who knows me here AND in SL..
I'm sorry.
I'm not going to change though..

I ordered this
https://i.gyazo.com/4c2c523f4f85ca5.....c89ed32bfb.png
And I can't wait to get it.
I been slowly buying repro carts.. cause I can afford them.
Real carts cost way too much...
But i had a collection of snes games at one point, and they all got stolen.. and this is the only way I can afford to replace them.
I already got Ninja Gaiden Trilogy.
I wanna get Soul Blazer back.. and Illusion of Gaia... to name a few.
I know I know, I could just emulate...
But there is something about having something physical and sticking it into an actual console on my TV and hitting power.
I would buy legit versions, but i'm not a "collector" and i'm not loaded with cash to do so...
I just like the feeling.. and physical and.. so forth.
I won't get it for a few weeks though.. so.. yeah.
Anyone else like me?
Do you prefer older games and classic consoles over the overly complex junk we get now days?
I'm curious to hear opinions on this.. as long as they are not insults thrown at me for going the repro rout..

I'm noticing more and more furries who show less tolerance than folks who are not even part of the fandom.
It used to feel like i could belong
But i'm noticing more and more furries with a lack of tolerance for even trans folks.
And it's getting under my scales...

I'm noticing the same jokes and bullshit in the furry community that i see like on youtube.
Jokes like "I identify as an attack helicopter" which is something that was started by an ass-hat on youtube who has and issue with trans folks.

I'm not the SJW type... but i am transgender.. and it's difficult enough dealing with without some ass who does not understand what i am going through making stupid jokes like that.

Ugh.. i dunno.

Anyone else noticing more furs who are un-accepting of others starting to pop up here and there?

Next thing you know there will be gay bashing furries... and lesbian bashing furries...

I have a lot of folks fallowing me..
But i feel bad cause i don't post much of anything.
With the strict rules here i can't post SL pictures.. i got away with a few but i won't push my luck.
And i'm not an artist so i never make anything myself.
And i'm always broke so i can't commission pictures.

So it won't bug me folks if you stop fallowing me.
My account is a bit disappointing as it is... so i get it.

Plus i stop using my anthro forms and went to human.. and i don't think people wanna see a bunch of pics of me as a fleshy.
And i get the feeling they would be removed anyhow.

Anyhow, just thought i would let you all know why you don't see anything new posted.. i'm sorry about that.

Ever gave your all to be something for someone, just to have them turn around and stomp on your heart?
Someone did that to me recently.
I tried being everything for them.
I tried to be what others would not be.

This happen in SL.
I had not seen them in weeks.
I kept in contact with them on here.
They finally come to SL, and are on when i can be on.
I try to see them.. and they rather mod AVs, and won't even invite me to spend time with them while they work.
Either they were doing what they said and was just being an ass, or they were busy sexing someone which is fine but would not be honest about it.
Either way i blew up.
I can't see them, can't even hang with them while they mod.
I felt like my heart was stomped on.
I blew up on them which i feel was not an over reaction.

You wait for weeks to see someone, you try and be what you can for them... and they deny you to even see them.

How would any of you feel?
Would you feel hurt and would you lash out as well.
I felt i was in the right, but they told me to seek help.
I'm getting help for my depression and i'm on meds right now, but i'm still human.. and actions speak louder than words!

My advice to others out there... if someone is trying hard for you, you try just as hard...

Finding someone who likes shemales that is not female.
And finding people who don't cum fast and bail.
Getting real sick of it.
Sick of not getting any fun.
Sick of struggling to find BIG hunks to play with and the only ones who want me being doms only..
SL is a pain in the ass most of the time.
It gets lonely.
And good men are hard to find..

I want to find some artists who do furry and humans, even willing to do something with both a furry and human at the same time.. they also need to be fine with making transgender(shemale) characters.
There are a lot of artists i like, but the ones i really love like Xpray.. and Jasonafex.. and many others, they don't do humans as far as i know.
I don't even need an artists who does realistic humans, the style can be simple and somewhat anime and unrealistic and that's fine.
But finding a good one who does both humans, furries.. and shemales... is a bit difficult.
Any thoughts anyone?
I don't have the money right now, but i'm hoping that at SOME point i can have the money to do some commissions.

I keep getting pages for the site failing to load, and when I check recent submissions, some of the thumbs and even all of the thumbs at times won't load.
Anyone having issues like I am?
Or just slow loading?
I'm wondering if it's my ISP ... cause ya know.. they can do that crap now to people..

Just making a journal for the femboys.(Fembois.....fucking I in place of a Y seems fucking stupid to me, always has)
Not sure what to put here...
I love femboys, and you should join if you like them to.
I put an ICON in my profile..

Check my scraps.. got a new pics of the Raptoress... i think she's looked WAY more sexy~
I dunno if it informs people when i upload new scraps... so that's why i make these notices.. so people know the look.

Yups, that's right. I got my own youtube channel.
Already a lot of videos up to watch.. but they're all pretty much just me sitting and yacking my head off. *laughs*
But this way you can also see what i look like.. which to say.. in my mind is not very attractive lol >_<
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCT.....UxU0HnWu3HSd3g
I am known only as "The Goof".
And i talk about what ever i feel like.. which has been mostly games as of late.

Am i the only one who hates this time of year?
I am always alone on any holiday though, so i think that's why.

Stressed out.. can't stop crying.. i keep breaking down.
And i just wish i had someone physically here to hug and hold...
Why does life get like this?...

I'm just wondering who else get's sick of this graphics race.. and who else misses the old school kind of games.
And who is excited for games like Shovel Knight, and Mighty No.9?

For years there has been this race for "better" graphics... i honestly think we reached our peek long ago.. and that what we have now might be nice to look at, it often lacks something of a "soul" compared to older games.

It's as if, their was this drive to push the older weak hardware that gave us such great games like Chrono Trigger... or 7th Saga.. or almost any game from days gone by.

It's like they got lazy...
And no this is not my nostalgia speaking.. i'm sitting here right now emulating sega saturn playing Legend of Oasis, thinking "wow this is fun, what happen to games?".

The other day i played Call of Duty: Black Ops 2..... and all i can remember was "damn this is annoying" and "god i am so BORED!" and "why am i playing this game again?".

That's kinda sad....
The day before that i had my sega genesis out and hooked up playing Phantasy Star 4 thinking "i love the story.. the music is pretty awesome to".. i never think anything like that when playing newer games.. i just think of how bored i am..

And even though people talk shit about Nintendo all the time... they're the only company that can make a game now days, and me play it going "damn this is fun!".. while playing my PS3 and going "huh... i guess it's an okay game".. and last week i played my PS1 going "okay now this is fun".

Say what you will about the older japanese made games.. but they were fun...

Most western developed games make me wanna bang my head against a wall.


Am i alone on these things?
I can't be alone..

But i tend to blame what i call "meat head" gamers.. these are the guys that outnumber the nerds and geeks who grew up on Nintendo and early gaming... these guys did not want to play games until games started looking realistic.. and games like CoD started coming out..

They outnumber guys like me to the point, that most companies as far as i can tell, cater to these guys.. cause they make them the bigger bucks... it's a larger market than gamers like me...

Yes i do have Call of Duty BO2... i got it for Wii U for me and my brother to play... something multi player.
Kinda regret buying it now... i beat the main game in a day... bored the entire time i played it.

Yeah i know.. i'm mostly doing some bashing at this point.

But seriously, i can't be the only one who feels this way.

Leave a comment below.. tell me what you think.. if you're a gamer i mean..

Been very lonely lately.
Since moving back to my dads, i seem to always be alone.
Looked up an old friend on face book.. found him... he won't talk to me... it makes me feel rather low.

I just want to break into tears.

Their was another friend of mine.. Tyler... he was going to come see me this fall.... but i am starting to think it's not happening... I think he's just pulling my strings.. and has no real interest in being with me.

Then their is my Tails.. can't say his real name.
I would love to see him but i can't... even though he and i got so much in common...

Living in texas... you're surrounded by bigots and hate mongers.. and bible thumpers..

Sorry everyone, just venting a bit....
I hope i don't aggravated anyone with this..

I just... gotta get it out.

I'm surrounded by your typical hic jock rednecks where i live..... all totally straight.. all homophobic.. all sooner beat you than except you for who you are.

I kept trying to meet someone online, but so far that's just not happening sadly.

There's got to be someone out there i can relate to and maybe more...

If you are a fan of Megaman, check this out!
A new game being worked on by Keiji Inafune.
Mighty no.9
http://www.kickstarter.com/projects.....-no-9?ref=live
I can't wait to see it come out.
It's almost like a middle finger to Crapcom lol.

I have been in grieving....
My father passed away last Saturday morning at 7 am central US time.
I have been unable to get over it... i stay even more depressed than i did before...
Not really sure how to handle it... been having suicidal thoughts like crazy... i don't really want it.. it's just kind involuntary cause of how bad i been feeling.
You think about what would make the pain go away.. and you end up just going with "i should end it".
But like my mom says, if i did.. it would hurt her bad.
I wonder if she realizes how bad it will hurt me when she passes... i hope it's not for another 50 or 60 years... but i know it won't be..

Been trying to keep my mind off the crap though.. i can't handle it.
I either play games.. or draw... or pixel art... what ever takes my mind of my sorrow.

I'm moving, going back to Texas in like 2 weeks.
Won't have net access for a good while.
Will miss you all.
My real life has been plagued with bull-crap from family.
I moved here thinking it would just be me and my mom.. then my sister moves in with us, and now my youngest brother and his wife and son are moving in, so i have to move out.
And the only place i have to go, is back to Texas... so that's where I'm going.

I been crying since this was announced.
I loved the NES version!
Gonna love this one.
http://youtu.be/6N0PzqF9gWY

I just wanted to remind people of the REAL My Little Pony.
The ones i grew up with were drastically different, and more detailed, and less cheap looking.
http://youtu.be/zbLcBTmb0U8
I'm sorry, but for someone like me who grew up in the 80s, things WERE better back then.
I feel bad for what people are exposed to now days.
And you can all hate me for these comments, i really don't give a flying crap.
But what you call My Little Pony now days is a lazy mess of flash animation...

Sitting here by myself.. even alone in SL...... depressed... wanting to cry.
I hate days like this, i scream out for help.. for company.... and no one answers...
Days like this i question my existence...

Getting sick of hearing "happy hollidays" Screw everybody who rather say that, it's merry christmas dammit!
I'm not even that big of a christian.. but for crying outloud, it's MERRY CHRISTMAS DAMMIT!!! lol
I don't even like the holliday anymore, but still... growing up i was used to hearing Merry Christmas it was almost like a tradition in the US to say it... then all the sudden we get other walks of life who come in and throw a fucking fit, and all the sudden it's Happy Hollidays... look if you're not a christian.. fine i will wish you a merry or happy what ever it is you are once you tell me what the fuck you are, and i will graciously say what needs to be said, but don't fucking take away Christmas from Christmas.. please? Oiiii

But yeah, Merry Christmas.. Hoooo hooooooo hooooooooooooooo. *kicks the kid down the escalator*.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCDlqyCJLh4