happy holidays :p

so today is my bday... yay!

scary is having a raffle :D http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3923649/
shes a very nice person and a good artist go check her out.

what is more important? keeping your friends happy the rules be damned? or enforcing the rules so everyone has an even playing field?
id love some opinions. *rips hair out*

treasure that one moment where you can smile.... because reality will hit you later in the day and then you will feel worse than before.

life is what it is.

so life is what it is right?

tried my hand at dating again recently and after talking alot before one date where she falls asleep in my arms she vanishes when i finaly get ahold of her again she tells me she got someone else because the 30 minute drive distance was a problem... woman you confuse and frustrate me so!

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3544339/

stilletopink is holding a contest go and give it a go :)

i got my pay check today and lo and behold i got a very large bonus leaving me sitting back in the green money wise yay!

so my blindside got blindsideded twice i suppose eheh.

so i have been playing along this whole month thinking all is well, sadly i miscalaculated and my finances are rather shallow atm. my friend suggested i try to offer commissions. so would anyone wana pay say 10 bucks for a sketch?

going to have a stove and a real fridge and some space for 75 bucks cheaper today! YAY!

i sit here now in my own place again, its as small as a hallway but its mine atleast. wish the neighbors would shut up and let me sleep though! they like to sit out side and yak in the morning. :/ my ride to work is gone now too so ive been forced to takea cab which hasnt been kind on my money (a 4:30 shift nets me roughly 5 bucks T_T)
oh well i exist, hope everyone else on FA is having a decent time.

so after my situation that occured thanks to someone who couldnt be bothered to look on the road. i have been driven back to KY and forced to stay with my much hated father due to the results. i was forced to leave many of my more valuable items i owned behind sadly. however through it all i think i can say i have come to appreciate those i placed my trust in more. my sister who helped raise the sails of my broken ship by galvanizing the my family to actualy do something, my grandfather who helped keep me afloat until i could evac (i miss you still so much, RIP grandpa.) a childhood friend who helped keep me occupied and sane by the name of brad and Zolten Lucas aka  landingzone who tried to actualy get help for me here on FA(something i did not expect in the least to ever have suggested/done for me) though none ended up helping here the mere thought that he was willing to do that for me... all of this is a welcomed reminder i do still have friends in.

on a side note... I HATE WIRELESS :( bloody junky net can barely even load up a webpage 95% of the time let alone play a game.
dont suppose anyone would have an idea as to how to help on this?

there are very few people in the world i hold dear to me in my life... today i lost one.

my grandfather died in his sleep last night, he was one of the most honorable men i met in my lifetime he was one of a few i would never put a price on spending time with. yet like my grandmother with whom he was married i find myself yet again missing them most when i should have been there more for them and now hes gone.... Norm copp. i know no one cares about this but airing myself out i hope might help.

to anyone who bothers to read this i say happy thanksgiving.

so i just got my hospital bills in for the accident im looking at over 9000 dollars worth of bills this month thats more than i make in an entire year... YIPEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i got hit by a car f or my birthday... wasnt that a nice gift of them

so nice to be on my own again eheh, still a bit depressed but a new found addiction to minecraft is keeping me occupied ^_^ (GOD DAM THOSE CREEPERS!)

bills are very very tight and it is keeping me sane eheh.

Well since I know no one here is watching me anyways this is as good a place as any to ramble.
For a while now I have been trying just to get by in life. Nothing ever goes right and nothing I ever do to correct the situation fixes it. I find myself happiest when I can lead others to happy times themselves. However more and more I feel incapable of that and am left with hollow existence as I watch all my efforts fall by the wayside.... if not blow up in my face. I just don't know how to deal with it anymore... being numb doesn't work (that mask has been cracked beyond repair at this point) being positive doesn't work, and trying to act on it DEFFINANTLY doesn't work.

I simply am lost and without a purpose.

Eheh if any one is actualy reading this then I pose this question to you.

What is your purpose in life? Or if you do not have one, why would you place value on your existance?

so after a bit of prodding i put a few things on here! enjoy!