Just letting everyone know that things are okay, and not as bad as I thought they were going to be.

Also, does anyone have any suggestions for dealing with anxiety/depression? I don't mean things like "see a therapist", but more in-the-moment things like taking walks, and other things to clear the mind.

In less than 24 hours, I probably completely ruined my life as it is now.

I can't really say anything about it on a public area like this. Just letting people know that if I disappear for longer than usual, there's a reason.

If anyone really wants to know, note me. But I don't know how well I'll be able to explain everything.

Because I don't know of another title, and don't do this regularly enough to just post the date.

Why I like this one: Even though it's a somewhat melancholy song, it's kinda relaxing to me. I love the piano in it, and the lyrics. It really does remind me of Autumn, and I figure since October starts next week, what better kind of song to post?

Why? I saw a Wild Kingdom episode on them yesterday. I also saw one on red pandas, but you don't see that many wolverines in the furry fandom it seems. Would be interesting, because I don't have any wolverine characters, so I'll have to make up new ones.

I have way too much free time. x3;

Every so often I become obsessed with a certain animal, to where I can only draw that animal. Right now, it's beavers. I've always loved them, thanks to Beaver in the Franklin the Turtle show. She's awesome.

So yeah, I haven't been posting much... maybe I'll post some of my beaver character sketches, and maybe some of them will get coloured. We'll see.

That's all I have to say for now. Hope everyone's doing well.

I haven't been feeling well lately. It seems like whenever I go outside, I get headaches and stuff. It sucks because the weather's going to start cooling off here, and I really like the fall season.

Also sorry for the lack of updates. I haven't really felt like drawing or writing, and also my scanner only works half the time now. So yeah...

Not really much else to say, but I wanted to do an update since I've been somewhat quiet lately.

I relate to this song because it reminds me of my own self-struggle, mostly in the past but still there somewhat. Figured I'd share it.

Or TMI, but most of the questions I've seen people ask are not very TMI, so...

Same ol' drill. Ask anything to me or any of my fursonas, and I/they shall answer!

So  codytehfox blabbed that it's my birthday today, I might as well come out and say it is. x3 I am 17 today, physically anyway.

And thanks to all who shouted on my page. I'd reply to you individually, but I'm kinda tired right now.

I'm afraid, because I know some of the things in the link I'm going to post are creepy things, things a person wouldn't make obvious about themselves, especially not to a bunch of random people on the Internet who could easily exploit these issues for their own profit. Or turn him in because he's insane, probably.

I don't really care what anyone does (although I guess I kind of do, since I brought it up). I just need to get some things out, similar to my 'honesty meme' a few months back, but this time I'm saying it all. Read it or ignore it, post or not, I'm doing this...

http://kyemon.dreamwidth.org/25273.html

Linked from my blog, because it's long.

Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read it, regardless of your thoughts on me after.

Note: You have to skip about 20 seconds in for the song... this was taken from a radio broadcast. I would've picked a better video, but this is the only video of this song on YouTube!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Lnk3g-5wVM

<3

...until my birthday! Yay, I can't wait!

(I blame  codytehfox)

If you give a chipmunk a sketch, he'll probably want to color it...
He'll ask you for some crayons.

You'll get your giant box of crayons for him.
The first color he'll use is the bright red.

The bright red crayon will remind him of the bright red apple in the refrigerator.
He'll ask if he can have it for a snack while he colors.

So he'll go with you to the kitchen to get the apple.
In the kitchen, he'll notice a bag of chocolate chips sitting on the counter.

The chocolate chips will remind him of chocolate chip cookies, and he'll probably ask if you can make some.
So you'll look in your mom's cookbook for a recipe.

Once you have the recipe, you'll need to gather the ingredients.
He'll help you search around the kitchen for them.

When you've gathered the ingredients, it'll be time to mix them all together.
He'll grab the cookbook again, and notice the picture of a chef's hat on the cover.
He'll probably want one just like it.

You'll need to get your fabric and sewing needles.

He'll watch you while you sew the hat up.

Once it's done, he'll want to look at himself in the mirror, so you'll grab the hand mirror in the bathroom and hold it up to him.

He'll notice that the hat is solid white, and he might want to color it.
He'll ask you for your crayons.

And chances are...

If he asks you for your crayons, he'll want a sketch to go with it.

Yeah, sorry about that, but I've posted on a few peoples' journals for this one, so I figured it'd only be fair if I did it myself. I've actually done this before, buuut. x3

Comment and I will:
1. Tell you something I'll learn about you by looking at your FA page for 13 seconds.
2. Tell you which color you remind me of.
3. Tell you my first memory of you.
4. Tell you what pokemon you remind me of.
5. Ask you something I've always wondered about you, and your answer has to be as vague as possible to keep the suspense.
6. Tell you my favorite thing about you.
7. Give you a weird nickname
8. Tell you what's on my shirt right now.
9. Challenge you to post this on your journal.

http://colorquiz.com/quiz.php

Your Existing Situation
Feels there are barriers between himself and the essential things he desires.

Your Stress Sources

"Unhappy in his current situation or relationship, but is unwilling to change things due to his need for acceptance and belonging. Refuses to be seen as weak and although he is resistant to give too much to the relationship, he stays committed in order to feel the attachment. The situation depresses and irritates him, causing restlessness and impatience. He is seeking some sort of escape from the situation either physically or mentally, which affects his ability to concentrate."

Your Restrained Characteristics

"Self-centered, tends to take this personally and is easily offended."

"Willing to become emotionally involved because he feels isolated and alone. He tries to avoid conflict and disagreements, but his arrogance leads him to quickly take offense."

Your Desired Objective

"Forces himself to remain calm under pressure, but hiding his emotions wears on him. He is looking for a safer way to deal with his problems, and searching for a chance to recover."

Your Actual Problem

Feeling anxious and restless frustration toward current situation or unfulfilled emotional requirements are causing stress. Tries to escape into a conflict free environment where he feels a sense of security and can relax and recover.

- - - - - -

Mm. Scary accurate.

 codytehfox did this, and I'm bored, so I'm gonna do this. Tell me what your favourite thing (pic or story, since I do both) in my gallery is, and I'll tell you what mine is of yours. ^.^

So I totally just realized my FA-versary was earlier this month. As of June 3rd, I have been on FA for four years. :3 Quite an achievement, if I do say so myself!

I have a picture planned to celebrate, but knowing me it may be a while before it's up...

I don't want to go into details on why, but please bear with me right now if you IM me and I don't seem to want to talk, or if I seem to ignore anyone. I'm not exactly myself right now.

So, for the past few months, I've been thinking about doing a series of stories approximately five years into my characters' future. These stories would feature a lot more 'serious' themes, compared to my other cub works. Originally I was planning on slowly working my way up the timeline in my furry world, but I don't really have any ideas for any 'middle' stories.

So, what do you guys think? Would anyone be interested in reading them?

FA is starting to look more and more like DA?

Not that that's a bad thing. I like DA's design, and the new one for FA isn't too bad. I don't like how there's a lot of unused space next to the banner, though. I think it would look better if future banners were wider.

I've been really down lately, so I think it's high time I draw something cute and cubby to cheer myself up. Only thing is, I don't know what to draw! So, if anyone has any suggestions, feel free to let me know. It can be with my characters, or your own, or someone else's... what have you. Just note that these aren't guaranteed requests.

Does anyone know of any good water effects tutorials (preferably for GIMP or SAI, but I can work with ones for any program)?

(I know I could look it up myself, but I needed an excuse to get the last journal off my front page)

Last journal, where I mentioned in my honesty list that I want to be disabled, made a few people (understandably) uneasy with me. It may or may not help, but I want to attempt to explain it a bit more thoroughly. It will also help me, because this is a thought I've been meaning to explore more even with myself.

Ever since I was young, I was always drawn to cartoon characters on TV who are in wheelchairs, or have casts, or some other 'difference'. I didn't understand why, but when I was young I always used to say how I wanted to break my leg, or be in a wheelchair. I actually have broken my knee before, and while I wasn't in a wheelchair, I liked having the brace on.

Then, earlier this year, I saw an episode of the show "Taboo" where there was a woman who pretended to be paraplegic, and rode around in a wheelchair. She said she had a mental condition called Body Identity Integrity Disorder. When I saw that, it kind of reminded me of some of the things I did when I was little.

This likely seems really odd to a lot of people, especially considering a lot of people in the furry community are actually disabled. How could anyone with a perfectly healthy body, want to hurt themselves like that? Some people compare it to Gender Identity Disorder (basically the psychological term for being transgender), but even that's not an exact comparison. One I thought of was how, in the babyfur/diaper community, there are people who want to be incontinent. Some even take measures to make themselves become incontinent, but if they ever actually talked to someone who really is, and doesn't have any sort of diaper fetish, they'd probably be talked out of it.

That's pretty much the case here. For the people who would hurt themselves to be disabled, people would probably be disgusted at the idea. Personally, even I would as well, but for whatever reason, some people's brains just keep telling them they should be disabled. Why? No one knows. Therapy? Maybe, but therapy that attempts to make you think a different way than you do can do more harm than good, so it's no real surprise why some people don't like that option.

For me, though, the idea is completely fantasy. I don't wish to actually be disabled, just fantasize about it at times, but I know that if it really happened, the fun would likely be taken out of it. I might enjoy it more than most people would, but not being able to walk would suck after a few weeks. Our body's ability to do certain things is precious, and sometimes we take it for granted.

This is getting long, and I think I've covered everything, so I'll stop here.

TL/DR; My desire to be disabled is pretty much fantasy, and I have no intention of changing that.

Saw a few people doing this, and I felt the need to as well. Sometimes it feels good to be bluntly honest.

- I'm a cub.
- I'm FtM transgender, and also bisexual.
- I'm in a polyamorous relationship with a girlfriend who has another boyfriend (whom I have absolutely nothing to do with).
- I have more fetishes than I can count on one hand, including watersports, paw/socks, and micro.
- I have a strange (non-sexual) attraction to wheelchairs, crutches, and braces.
- I kinda wish I was disabled for real. I always have, since I was six.
- Diapers are purely sexual for me, which is why I tend to not actively mix them with my clean art.
- I make dirty jokes a lot, but I'm not actually that flirty.
- I have a HUGE fear of commitment to anything.

That is all.

This looked like fun, so I decided to do it. ^.^


1. What was the banner like when you first came here?
Don't remember.

2. What was Fender's icon like? Or was he even around yet? :3
Don't remember.

3. Without looking, around what time did you join?
I remember the date exactly: June 3rd, 2008. Time of day, I think, was around 3 PM.

4. Any trouble? (like that "no-join" period a couple years ago)
Nope.

5. First watcher?
I think  zee-zee, but I don't remember for sure.

6. First one YOU watched?
^

7. First furry family member?
Hexaod, I think. I never really 'officially' did families, though.

8. First fav? (no peeking)
I think it was something by  zee-zee

9. First submission? (no peeking)
The first picture of Jerry (which is no longer up, but can be found on my old DA: http://fav.me/d1g633e )

10. First memory of your fursona?
I don't really remember.

11. First pic of them?
See #9.

12. First...mate? (you can avoid answering this if you must)
No one anyone on here would know.

13. First great friend?
From FA, no one that I currently talk to regularly.

14. Now then...first "group" upon entry? (were you a furry when you arrived or were you something else?)
I was a furry when I came here, and for the most part a babyfur.

15. How did you get here? (following an artist, friend recommended, goggle images, etc)
I think a friend linked me.

16. If by a user/friend, who? If not, skip this.
I think it was  akiraclaymore, but I don't remember exactly.

17. First request/commission you got on here and by who?
Request, or actual gift? Either way, It was either  hexaod,  dorin, or  zee-zee, but I can't remember for sure.

18. Without peeking again, what was your first FA journal about?
It was a meme. What a coincidence.

19. Now here's the improv part...put ANYTHING you want to reminisce on riiiight here.
A few of my older friends may remember when I went through that drama period, where I admitted to having multiple accounts. The oldest (  the-red-pup ) was made when I was first learning about being a furry and a babyfur/dl. Then, about a year later, I made this one after noticing Zee-Zee being a pull-ups cub, which was more what I was interested in as a babyfur. I didn't actually think I'd stick to Jerry like I have, but even when I was making new accounts I always ended up coming back to this one. It kind of means a lot to me, for personal reasons.