So, once I'd got my page setup here, I thought I'd go looking for people to chat with and so I wandered over to the forum and posted a "hello" on the introduction board. I figured a few people might be hesitant to talk to me, I acknowledge the stuff that I'm into is pretty extreme.

http://forums.furaffinity.net/threa.....-from-Jockwolf

I wasn't really prepared for the volume of insults the ensued. An OP [edit: I mean admin] closed the thread noting that it wasn't going anywhere (which is certainly a nice way of describing that I was getting flooded with insults in an Introductions board) and that my post "gives no indication that you wish to actually participate in the FAF community".

Well... that would have been a nice thing to have asked. Having experienced an FAF "welcome", I'll do as the admin asks and "take it to another place". Furry pride, eh?

Here's an idea: don't judge other people's kinks. If you don't like it, don't read. If you worry for people's safety, ask some probing questions with a bit of respect.

FWIW I've converted my adult-oriented journals to submissions so they can get filtered (on Master's advice), to make it easy to avoid what I'm writing if it freaks you out.

Thanks to Thalassa for the one nice message in the whole thread.

Master Coach and I have been playing together for a few weeks. This isn't my first time playing with a hypnotist, but it's far and away the most intense.

When we first started chatting about how susceptible I am to text hypnosis, he quickly realised that this meant our play didn't have to be restricted to formal "sessions", with an induction, play and waking up. He realised that when he found me on Yahoo, if I said I was watching TV with my boyfriend, that didn't mean he couldn't play with me... and so he started drawing me into light trances, dropping in suggestions, messing with my head, while I was at dinner with friends, while I was at work, while I was on the bus.

Within about a week of our first conversation, he broke me for the first time, the first of many "breakings" and with each one, I surrender more self-control and retain less reflective ability about what he tells me to do.

That makes it all sound very intense, and it is, but he is also very friendly and sweet as a person, very ethical and respectful of my relationship, my safety. The big thing is that he's helped me reframe this play from slavery and submission to healing, we're fishing these dark things out of my subconscious and playing with them, so I can gradually become a more integrated, fully functioning human being.

The trick with that of course is that my ego often gets in the way, it's scared of anything that marginalises it and its concerns, so sometimes it's good to place it firmly in the back seat (or give it a nice strong sedative!) and hand the controls over to someone else.

He has put a range of suggestions into my mind so that parts of my psyche are constantly on the lookout for danger signs, but also for opportunities to pull some of these darker parts up, gently seeking the next thing to play with.

All of this means I trust him, more and more each day, and because we're talking almost continuously, it just rolls out through my life. Ebbing and flowing as each of us is busy or free, but more or less constant.

To begin with he'd give me suggestions and I'd feel them settle in and I'd act on them. As he's broken my ego more and more, that process has got faster and faster, so now it feels more like as he speaks (we do some video realtime sessions, but mostly it's through Yahoo messenger) or types, I do or feel or think whatever he says - like he becomes the voice in my mind that tells me what I'm doing. Like my ego is gradually getting replaced with his voice.

Something that's come up recently is an aspect of myself that is an smart, unruly, wild wolf. These have seemed interesting to play with for both of us, I think. I'm very conventional and careful, a big geeky nerd, a long way from a wolf in real life. That has health consequences - I eat for speed not health, I don't exercise much at all unless I have to - and as I get older, that's having an impact.

So... we've played with the idea that on the inside, I'm a wolf, restless, physical, fierce - which expresses itself in my human life as me becoming more of a jock: restless, physical, fierce. This has seemed like a rich seam which may keep us busy for a while.

Master has suggested that this wolfjock is a fursona for me and so perhaps it's good for me to come to somewhere where people understand that. He's suggested that if I journal my experiences, it will help make it more intense and real and permanent for me. So he's commanded me to keep a journal.

I agree with him, but that's not why I'm journaling. I'm journaling because he told me to and pleasing him is more important to me than almost anything I want. His words are more to me than air. It's intense to admit that, but hopefully, I'm among friends.

Because most of my journals will be adult in content, I'm going to post them as submissions, so they get filtered for people that don't want to see them. I hope that's OK.

Thanks for reading this far. If you have any feedback or questions drop me a comment.

JW