Okay, I just wanted to get rid of the birthday journal since it's been almost 3 months.

So, what should I do now? Any ideas?

So yeah, today was my 21st birthday. Didn't start out the best of days, having to work with a boss I hate x.x But things got better as the day went along. Had a great dinner of teryaki chicken, scallops, and shrimp. Also got 100 bucks cash just to burn on whatever the hell I want

And yeah, I know this means I should go out and get totally shitfaced drunk, but I don't see too much of a point in doing that. Why celebrate something you won't remember because you drank too much??

Anyway, just wanted to put something out there for folks who watch me, letting folks know I'm still alive.




- Jodin the Wolf

The school semester is winding down, yet somehow the workload has only gotten bigger, even now. I have 4 papers and 3 projects due by the end of next week (actually by Thursday of next week) and this is the first bit of free time I've had to actually get online in a LONG time. Most of this semester has been spent at the university library, cramming and forcing myself to get done everything I could before the library closed. The only real time I've spent at home has been spent sleeping for about 3 or 4 hours a night on average, just enough to keep me going.

I have no doubt that my lack of online activity has earned me some resentment or perhaps even hatred from people that I care so much about, and feel absolutely horrible about not being online to see and talk to. To those friends, I cannot apologize enough, and only hope that I will be forgiven and loved once again.

For now, one more week of classes and then the dreaded finals week will be upon me. I hope everyone is enjoying themselves, and I wish everyone the best.

Loves from a sick, tired, and heartbroken woof,

Jodin

.....AND MORE STRESSFUL THAN EVER!!!! It's only been 5 weeks and my brain feels like it's a constant state of meltdown. School and work combined have taken away nearly all of the time I would like to be spending with those who are important to me. Just this past week I had 3 exams on  kisach's birthday (think I had 3 separate meltdowns that day too), and I feel really bad about that X_X.

I have a feeling the rest of my semester is going to be similar to this past week, with nothing but super hard projects, long meetings, and tons of exams with crazy weekend hours at work *cries* I apologize to anyone I may have disappointed recently with my lack of presence :(

blank
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Beavers mate for life....

11 > 4....

For quality carpets, visit So-and-So's Carpet Warehouse....


Ok, enough of my random thoughts, on to a more serious note...

I find myself in a funk. Not sure why, or how exactly, but I'm there.
Anywho, I have a couple of things in the works, but progress has been very slow, with life and depression getting in the way. I will get these things done as I am able.



I love all of my friends and family.

Idiot Wolf out...

Hmm...ya know, I'm not really sure what to put here. This is all about randomness. Please, feel free to add a random comment to this journal, add some life and humor to it!! lol Xp

Seriously, add anything you like, I'm all ears folks! hehe

Yep, that's me. Seems making mistakes is all I can do. And everybody's unhappy around me, even when I'm being silly and crazy and happy ;.;

Why... why am I such a screw-up...

I have a feeling this may be the end for me. The depression I have been dealing with for several months has reached an all time low. Almost nothing seems able to help me now. But I firmly believe it is all of my own making:

Many of my friends go through hardships, and I try to help them through those times. But I fail. I am unable to make them happy, unable to even bring them out of their slump. And still other friends simply turn their backs and fall silent in the shadows.

I do not feel I can last much longer. As I type this, it has been 3 days since I have slept or eaten more than a piece of fruit. My mind will not rest, so consumed with worry and fear and self-hatred.

I guess the only thing left to do is wait for death to find me.

Just took my last final exam on Thursday. I'm officially done with college until August. I plan to spend my summer working in the early mornings and relaxing in the evenings, with two days off every week to just do whatever I like!!!

I invite everyone out there to poke me or ask for hugs, you will get them! And fair warning, I just might poke back! X3

I want to give fair warning that this may sound completely stupid and not worth your time in reading, but if you still feel compelled, read on.....

Most of us want to find that someone special in our lives. That person who makes us feel alive, who can always make us feel better, and who always loves us back, no matter what happens. And I daresay some of us are lucky enough to find that person.

If you are one of those people who has been lucky enough to find such a person, or have found a person that makes you truly happy, then way to go, congratulations :) You've found someone special.

If you are one of those people who are still looking for that someone special, and think or hope that you are close, then I wish you all the best of luck in finding them, and once you do, don't let go of them.

Me? I think I fit into the second of those two categories, but with one exception. After trying time and again, meeting with zero success, I have come to a conclusion.....

I am alone. I always will be. Every time I've found someone who I like it goes the same way. If I'm lucky they're not taken and they like me back, but as soon as I get up the courage to ask, they're spoken for, or in one or two cases, they're not interested. It's happened too many times for me to count, and I am ready to give up.


I am alone.

A thought occurred to me while I was in the middle of doing my schoolwork. It's this:

I'm not that great of a person. I've been told that I'm a good person, but my faults seem to outweigh my strengths.

My biggest and most obvious fault, I worry too much. I am always afraid that I have done something wrong or that I have upset someone, and I know, it gets on people's nerves, but I can't seem to help it. The reasons for me being like this are buried in my past, and I won't bore you by digging them up.

Another thing about me that I consider a fault (because of its impact on me) is that I form attachments easily. I become very attached to friends and people I care greatly about, and as a consequence, they're emotions and feelings have a greater impact on me than even I realized until recently. For instance, when someone I care deeply about is upset, whether with me or someone/something else, I become depressed and upset myself. If I think that I am responsible, or if I am told that I am responsible, I tend to take it out of myself, and I have scars to prove it >_<.

So yes, I'm a worrysome little bastard who only seems to be able to get on people's nerves with his worrying, doesn't seem very able to help those he wants to help.

I have finally come to recognize these faults in myself, but I am unsure what I can do about it. Anyway, that's my little minute of thought.

I should get back to my schoolwork so I don't get in trouble with my professors. To all my friends out there, thanks for listening. And......I'm sorry >_<.

Well it's the end of March and life is chaotic. I'm buried in college class projects that all the professors seem to have agreed to give us students at once, pre-final exams are starting to hit, followed by the finals themselves, and in the midst of this I have to seek advising on which classes I should take next semester.

If only I had the option of taking a semester or two off from college, but alas that option is not available to me x_x.

Stress and guilt have been my constant companions since late January, so my apologies to everyone I have upset or annoyed or turned off due to my being down or my stupidity. I finally managed to see a doctor and asked about the possibility of depression (actually, I saw one in mid-february, but he was an idiot and just said I was lacking fiber in my diet), and I had some blood drawn to have some testing done. In addition to testing for depression, I'm being tested for a potential thyroid problem, type 2 diabetes, and heart disease.

Anyway, just wanted to update the people out there who were interested. To those who have helped or tried to help me through these past couple months, you have my thanks, and I'm also sorry if I was ever annoying by being depressed.

Peace Out!

Here's a game I think folks will like.


The idea of the game is, whoever can kick the target over the cliff into oblivion first wins.

*paints a bullseye on his stomach*

Who goes first?

-_-......

Am I alive?

I can't tell anymore.....

I copied these questions straight from a friend's journal and put in my own answers. Enjoy.

Name: Jason
Nickname: Don’t have one, unless an MMO persona counts
Fursona: JodinJ/Jodin/J
Date of Birth: 1/24/1988
Birthplace: Somewhere on Earth :P
Current Location: Somewhere in the USA
Eye Color: Dark Brown
Hair Color: Dark Brown / Black
Height: 6’1”
Heritage: A mix of Scotch-Irish, Polish, German, Russian, a little Italian, and a few others
Piercings: None at all
Tattoos: None


Favourite:

Animal: White fox
Band/Singer: Don’t really have one
Song: Don’t really have one
Movie: The Boondock Saints
Disney Movie: Um……I can’t remember any
Disney Show: No idea
Disney Character: Donald Duck, because he’s so angry.
TV show: Family Guy and Law & Order
Color: White or purple
Food: Pizza
Pizza topping: If there has to be one, then pepperoni
Ice-Cream Flavor: Whole fruit Strawberry
Pocky Flavor: Never touched the stuff
Drink (alcoholic): A sweet wine, any brand
Soda: Cream soda
Cookie: Chocolate Chip
Store: Gamestop
Clothing Brand: Um…..
Shoe Brand: whatever’s cheap
Season: Fall, like the mildness
Month: Don’t know
Convention/Holiday/Festival: No idea
Flower: Hate flowers, they attract bees
Board game: Monopoly (Star Wars version preferred)


This or That:

Sunny or rainy: Sunny
Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate
Fruit or veggie: Fruit
Night or day: Day
Sour or sweet: Sweet
Love or money: Love
Phone or in person: In person
Looks or personality: Personality
Coffee or tea: Tea
Hot or cold: Cold

Your:

Goal for this year: I dunno, to keep my sanity in tact I suppose
Most missed memory: Too many to think of just one
Best physical feature: I have no good features, tons of scars though
First thought waking up: Do I really have to get up?
Hypothetical personality disorder: Depression I guess
Preferred type of surgery: Surgery?
Sesame street alter ego: Oscar
Fairytale alter ego: X_X can’t think of one
Most stupid remark: I’ve made too many to list just one
Worst crime: Breaking and entering into a school that wasn’t actually locked but the security system was armed. Janitor got fired for that XP.
Greatest ambition: To keep my friends and die happy
Greatest fear: Hurting someone or being hurt by someone
Darkest secret: Sorry, that’s for me to know.
Favorite subject: History or Biology, they’re tied
Strangest received gift: I don’t get gifts anymore 
Worst habit: Always getting sidetracked and not finishing things I should be


Do You:

Smoke: Never will
Drink: Once in a blue moon
Curse: You bet you’re fucking ass I do!
Shower daily: Yep
Like thunderstorms: Hell no. Lightning hurts
Dance in the rain: Not yet
Sing: I couldn’t sing to save my life
Play an instrument: I was drum captain of my high school drumline, so yes Xp
Get along with your parents: Yes, very well
Wish on stars: Never
Believe in fate: Sometimes
Believe in love at first sight: Used to, but I’ve been hurt too many times to believe in it now.


Can You:
Drive: Quite well
Sew: Nope
Cook: A bit. Not the best really. but some basic stuff.
Speak another language: A bit of Spanish
Dance: Hell no
Sing: Already told you, no.
Touch your nose with your tongue: No
Whistle: Yes
Curl your tongue: Kinda. I can twist it around a bit

Have You Ever:

Been Drunk: Not yet
Been Stoned/High: No, but some folks probably think I have been.
Eaten Sushi: Tried it once, didn’t like it
Been in Love: Several times. Been hurt every time.
Skipped school: A few times
Made prank calls: No.
Sent someone a love letter: Yes
Stolen something: Yes
Cried yourself to sleep: Yes

Other Questions:

What annoys you most in a person? Lying. I hate liars
Are you right or left handed? Ambidextrous.
What is your bedtime? Whenever I can’t keep my eyes open
Name three things you can't live without: The internet, other multimedia, and my friends (Oh wait, do I have friends o.o?)
What is the color of your room? White walls with old wallpaper
Do you have any siblings? 1 bitchy little sister
Do you have any pets? Two cats and a stupid beagle mix dog
Would you kill someone you hate for a million dollars? If I could get away with it, Hell yes
What is you middle name? Frederick
What are you nicknames? J, or JJ, or Jodin, and in MMO’s I’m usually called Muffins, there’s a funny story behind that
Are you for or against gay marriage? Neither, they can do what they want as long as they don’t come on to me
What are your thoughts on abortion? I’m not gonna say anything on that.
Do you have a crush on anyone? Does it matter if I do? They’re taken and won’t be single anytime soon
Are you afraid of the dark? Not really
How do you want to die? I get a choice? Well……quick and painless would be preferable
What is the largest amount of popsicles that you have eaten on one day? 3 or 4
Would you take a bullet for the one you love? Yes
Are there any rules you've broken? Speed limit and buckling up but that’s it.

I got my braces adjusted yesterday. Man did it hurt.

right now I can't eat pizza, or sandwiches, or anything really. I can barely handle ramen noodles x_x.

And to top it all off, I'm dealing with the flu, so nothing tastes right when I do manage to eat ;.;

I copied this from  cmdr-a 's journal, and I intend to add a little bit to it.

I was born on January 24th, 1988.

If you're under the age of 11 or 12...you shouldn't even read this,
and if you do, you should not repost this.

You're a 90's kid if:

You remember watching:
-Doug
-Ren & Stimpy
-Pinky and the Brain
-AAAAAAAH Real Monsters!
-Rockos modern Life.
-Animaniacs
-Gargoyles

You remember older cartoons like:
- The Pink Panther
- Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck (aka Looney Tunes in the '90s)


You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"

You just cant resist finishing this . . . "Iiin west Philadelphia born and raised . . ."

You remember:
-Step by Step
-Family Matters!!!
-Dinosaurs
-Boy Meets World!!!!

You remember when it was actually worth getting up early
on a Saturday to watch cartoons.

You remember reading "Goosebumps"

You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not

When everything was settled by:
-rock paper scissors or
-bubble gum bubble gum in a dish or
-ms. mary mack

when kick ball was a daily activity.

when we used to obey our parents

You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time on a tape.

You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genisis became popular.

You remember The Original Game Boy.

You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny.

You remember watching:
-The Magic School Bus
-Wishbone
-Reading Rainbow
-and Ghostwriter on PBS

You remember when Yo-Yos were cool.
You remember those Where's Waldo books.
You remember eating Warheads and Splashers Gum.

You remember watching:
-the 1st Batman
-Aladdin
-Ninja Turtles
-ghost busters

You remember Ring Pops.

If you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!"

You remember boom boxes .vs. cd players.

Making those little paper fortune cookie things, and then predicting your life with them.

You played and/or collected "Pogs" :)

You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere.

one word. . . . . . . .trolls.

Windows 95 was the best.

You watched the original cartoons of
-Rugrats
-Wild Thornberry's
-Power Rangers
-Rocket Power
-Catdog.

All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.

You collected those Beanie Babies.

Carebears

Lambchop's song never ended.

Silver dollars, which were cool to have.

Everyone watched the WB.

If you even know what an original walkman is.

You know the Macarena by heart.

"Talk to the hand" . . . enough said

You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace.
- Burger King works too.

You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground.

Before the MySpace frenzy . . .
Before the Internet & text messaging . . .
Before Sidekicks & iPods . . .
Before PlayStation3 or X-BOX 360 . . .
Before Spongebob . . .
Before Tupac was shot.
Before realistic game graphics.
When light up sneakers were cool.
When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs, and game cartridges, not discs.

When gas was $0.95 a gallon.
When we recorded stuff on VCRs.
You had slap bracelets!
You Actually played outside until it was dark!

Way back.

Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.

Post this in your bulletin if you remember these days . . . .

Post with the year you were born.

Just a little update for people......


As I'm typing this, I just got home from visiting my friend in the hospital. He was a car accident.

Luckily, the worst of his injuries (as far as we can tell) is a minor concussion, and nobody was killed in the accident. Still, I'm going to be less active for the next couple days, and make sure he makes a good recovery.



That's about all for now.

*Sigh* I guess I wasn't meant to have a good birthday. Started out on the wrong foot, my laptop is off for repairs (using a school machine to post this), my braces are killing me, I've got a ton of school work coming my way, and it would seem a few friends are either angry or upset with me X____X.

Mark this as a bad day, in my book.

So it turns out tomorrow, the 24th, is my birthday. And so far, here's what I know I'm getting.....


A tune up for my car (good)

Pain/soreness from my braces (bad)

My laptop getting sent back to Dell for repairs (bad until I get it back)



Hope everyone else is doing really well. That's about all for now.

Later!!

Hello folks! I want to wish everyone a very happy New Year! Things are a little hectic for me right now, so I will be less active. I am helping a friend to keep his butt out of prison, which takes up most of my time.

Also, I get my braces put in on January 3rd. I will be busy with school and keeping my friend out of jail until at least the end of January, which means my birthday, Jan 24th, will be skipped, but no biggie ^^ it's only the 20th b-day which is nothing in the US lol.

Anyway, take care everyone! I hope you all enjoy the New Year.

Well, I've been here for awhile, and met a few people........and found someone who is interested in my writing style (see jodinj.deviantart.com to see what i mean).

So, as of now, the plan is for me to write an Ultra Mega Weight Gain story for a close friend. If by any chance there is an artist who might want to illustrate, feel free to let me know. This friend of mine would be most appreciative of some pics to go with this story.



JodinJ