The title was actually only made like this to atract people watching me, while not actually watching me to read this.... this will not be some big talk about sex and stuff.... but it's gonna be about sexuality ... so please read it. I wrote this here since this is the only place where I can talk about it and I was like... expressing my emotions... also... I never had a journal here so...

Me and sex... How to begin the story... Best start with finding out what the word means. I was a nerd at school.... a skinny and lonely boy that got beaten up sometimes. I was ages begin the other... most people learn about sex from other children and since I was not the type to talk with other people (specially about those things). Later they laughed me out and make jokes (using sex slang words to make me say some perverse stuff). That left a giant trauma... a few months ago, some americans used the term "sausage festival" and nobody told what it meant for a whole week. I was furious! During that time, I sorta felt lost and full of sorrow... sometimes I even had slight suicidal thoughts (the stupidest thing to do...).

Later on I was a real teenager and all sex terms were known to me. But then other made fun of me and called me GAY. I once talked about it with some americans and they asked if it was because I was BIG.... actually it was difrent. They called me gay for other reasons: I watched cartoons (anime... sailor moon and pokemon for some time...), I ate cornflakes, didn't listen to the music other people listen to, had no interest for sport of any kind and I sorta mostly hanged out with one guy in the class, we both were nerdy so for them clearly GAY. I once told them "Think I'm gay? Fine! But why do you have to be gay with HIM!?".

Now I am 18 (soon 19) and now and I still get my doubts about my own sexuality. Now I got 2 more arguments to call myself gay: I got no girlfriend yet and I draw furries. I suppose since this is a furry site, some might ask why drawing furries means I'm gay. Simply, most people drawing furries are male homosexuals... I do watch learny any kind of Furry art, even the yiff onces. Yeah that makes me wonder, I do like to watch some and some not. For example I do like to watch male macro pictures sometimes, while I hard ever like female yiffs and sorta big b00bs seem not to atract me much. I don't know, maybe it's just that there are so many homosexual males which hardly ever draw female characters and that lowers they're amount, so also the chance to find one I like and find atractive is lower...

What about real life? I actually never felt atracted to a male person in any sort of way also the thought about having sex with a other guy makes me get shivers and already a photo of 2 guys kissing each other makes me feal sick. And about females... yeah I got one girl that I desire, yet I wouldn't call it sexual it's rather hmmm... love? This whole sexuality thing is so complicated, once one person told me that sexuality is actually a quite simple thing... it's about who you want to have sex with. So I should not worry about it. If it was that simple...

I keep wondering... people here on Furry sites seem to feal sexual atraction to things I understand and do not understand. I just can't understand how people can find muscles, fatness or huge breasts sexy... I simply feal confused what I am. And I wonder... these people that draw that art feal awfulyl confident about sexuality, I wonder...
Is there something sexually related they'd never draw?
Is they're life filled with sex like they're images or are they nerds like me?

I just keep wondering how weird I am.... if one day my comic becomes popular, and someone would like... draw some yiff gift pic for me, showing two of my characters (all of them represent me) having sex, then should I notify that I am not gay (if I really am not?) or ignore the mistake and pretend I love it.... ?

Oh boy this is all confusing...
I'll propably end up as the only virgin furry here, wondering if he's gay or not...

Thank you for taking your time and reading my stupid journal..