You know, this requires a little explanation. I don't know if I've ever mentioned this on here, but Godzilla is, and always has been, one of my favorite things. My formative years included a lot of old movies, and of those my favorites were always Kaiju films, and my favorite Kaiju films were the classic Godzilla movies. I don't know what it was; maybe it was the goofy suitimation, maybe it was the scale of destruction, or maybe even the bad dubs good for a laugh, but I've always adored the Godzilla movies. And with Shin Gojira, I was super pumped for a new generation of Japanese Godzilla films, to go along with the modern era of big-budget American Kaiju films. And then they announced the anime.

I was so fucking excited, you guys. An animated feature-length Godzilla film is one thing, but THREE of them? Set in the distant future, with war-mechs? Holy Shit, that sounded amazing! So much potential, so much more that can be done in animation than what could ever be accomplished with suits and wires. It had every right to be amazing.

And then Planet of the Monsters came out. And it was trash. It was boring, contrived garbage that spent almost every second of its screen time rambling and getting nowhere, with little to screen time for the headlining Monster. It focused more on establishing some bullshit, awful political drama between three races (Humans, a hairy all-male race of purist/technologist losers who are basically just the Roegadyn from Final Fantasy, and shitty fucking Space Elves) than on ANYTHING of interest. And it introduced our "hero", a whiny idiot who pretty much spends all of his time whining, failing, getting his allies killed, willfully AND accidentally betraying them, and getting knocked out across the two films so far. Nobody in the film has any chemistry, and both the dub and sub voice acting *sucks*.

The design for Godzilla is moderately interesting. Yes, it's the biggest, but it's also pretty much the ugliest and least interesting. It's Godzilla as an Ent. He's slower than ever, dumber, and lazier. He sleeps through almost the entirety of two movies. The other monsters (not Daikaiju, since none of them are big enough to qualify) are hardly present for any significant period of time. And the absolute biggest sin, to me, is the use of god-awful J-Pop in place of ANY of the classic Godzilla music. Not once does the classic March of Monsters/Godzilla's March appear in two of the three films. This is inexcusable. Period.

I will say that the second of the three films has more action; I'd put it at about a 4-5 out of 10, with the first film being a solid 1. I'm going to stick it out and watch the third one when it hits in January, just because I'm not a goddamn quitter. But this has really soured me entirely on the concept of animated Godzilla ever being worth a damn. This was put into the hands of idiots who don't understand how to make something worthwhile with Godzilla. I've already seen what King Ghidorah is going to look like in the third film, and I have hopes that the action will make up for the amazingly unlikable cast, the rote Sci-Fi/faux fantasy tropes and the incredibly shoddy animation throughout. If it were a real Anime and not the hideous pseudo-CGI they went for, it would have at least LOOKED better. As it stands, everything about it is just solidly unfortunate.

This may seem like a lot of petty bitching, and it probably is, but it just kills me to see something I love as much as Godzilla get handled so badly. At least I have King of the Monsters to look forward to, and I can already tell it's going to be better in the first 45 minutes than the entirety of this bland trilogy. I know there are going to be fans of the anime, but I just can't get behind it. I'm going to watch something better than that to cheer myself up. Like the Legendary King Kong, or Pacific Rim.

So I'm still in the middle of this bloody brutal block (not intentionally alliterative, by the way), but I'm still getting ideas that crop into my head. One of the most recent ones is a point-of-view sort of deal from the perspective of a group of misfits/monsters/villains in a fantasy setting, banding together to deal with the "heroes" that harass their communities. The heroes obviously don't know they're the bad guys to someone else, and most aren't interested in learning the truth. I've got ideas for some characters and their personalities, though, and I'm wondering how a couple of them sound. Let's start with one, and see what people think:

On the Heroes/Antagonist side, we've got Prince Caldwell. Tall, male model handsome, muscular without being "buff", blonde and blue eyed. He's the epitome of "Fantasy Protagonist", a seemingly selfless heroic figure whose one major flaw is a blindspot for the fact that monsters are people, too. Indoctrinated by his family and kingdom young, he believes that all monstrous races are to be eliminated due to the "threat" they pose to humans, Elves, and other allied races. He's a Spellsword, a master of both fire and lightning magics, and is most easily recognized on the field of battle by the Greatsword he wields, as well as his plate armor decorated with a golden rose motif. He's beloved by his people, and an all around nice guy...Unless you're one of those "lesser" races that cause trouble. Of the Heroes/Antagonists, he's the one most likely to actually realize that what he's doing is wrong and have a change of heart. Unlike several of the others I have in mind, he's genuinely unaware of the consequences of his actions, and the King (as well as the Church) act to keep it that way. He's a pretty face to parade in front of the public, and a weapon to keep races like Goblins, Trolls and Orc down, as well as suppressing Witches and other undesirable humans.

On the Villains/Protagonist side, we've got Wixette, a Clockwork Goblin. About three feet tall, bottom heavy and ostensibly feminine in design and personality, Wixette is a small, brass-constructed entity with the general appearance of a Goblinoid. Pointed ears, a long nose, large expressive eyes and sharp fangs are all standard signs of a Goblin heritage, but in this case the being was crafted, not born. Built by a Tinkerer and Artificer known to the general population of the kingdom as Mad Mortimer, Wixette was one of hundreds of clockwork creations made by her "father" to fill a void left in his life by the untimely death of his twin daughters. He imbued each of his creations with a little piece of her spirit, granting them life and self awareness. Unfortunately, Wixette was still in an unfinished state (missing her left arm) when a band of so-called "Heroes" broke into the lonely mountain tower Mortimer called home. False stories had been spread of mechanical monsters wreaking havoc, when in truth they had simply been gardening, tending the tower and helping Mortimer with his daily chores. Jealous mages and artificers spread lies, and for that he was condemned. Wixette was trapped in the collapsed beams of her father's inner sanctum, forced to watch helplessly as the man who had given her life was murdered by a group of self-aggrandizing "adventurers". Her mechanical siblings were likewise destroyed, leaving her all alone. It took days for her to dig her way out, given both her small size and her single functioning arm, but when she did get free she set about the task of burying her creator and salvaging what she could. Taking the most useful parts from her destroyed kin, the now one-of-a-kind little being set out into the world. Not just for revenge, but to find out where she really belongs. At some point she hooks up with the rest of the Villains/Protagonists and acts as the party healer/ranged support via use of gadgets. She's friendly, personable and cheerful, but a bit slow on the uptake and naive. She's also cute as a bug.

So, hey. There's some word vomit. More ideas in my head, but there y'go. Probably stupid, but what isn't, eh?

So...Yeah. Said it was coming, here it is. Moving on, now.

Same old song and dance. Another year gone by. I don't expect anything; just letting people know it's coming on the 1st.

For what it's worth.

Moving house tomorrow, and we won't have internet for at least a week. So uh...If you want to say anything to me, now's your chance. Bac on the 7th or so.

Wife just came out of reconstructive jaw surgery. She's in rough shape, but has been home since yesterday and will hopefully do well overall. My head has been in a bad way for a while now, and it just seems to be getting worse. A lot of stress, a lot of outside factors making things more difficult than they should be. I have an upcoming move, my wife's recovery, drama within our extended "tribe"...There's a lot going on, and it's really fucking me up, honestly.

Couple that with money woes due to the wife being out of work due to her recovery, and I'm really close to breaking. I'm just...Trying to squeak by, and not lose my shit entirely. I don't know why I'm putting this here. I guess to vent? I don't normally vent on here, but I guess it might be overdue. Either way, I'll be trying to write again soon. I have two stories I'm working on for Halloween, and those of you that have them coming know who you are. Consider this my apology for being a screw-up. Again.

I'll be in touch soon, hopefully. Just going to take it a day at a time and hope everything works out. Even with money concerns, I had enough to get a bit of art, which helps me cheer up. Hopefully something'll come of that soon. I need cheering up, badly.

Well, glad you asked, hypothetical person! There's been a minor delay put on it because of real life throwing curves at me left and right. I've had some tragedy, some positive things, and a lot of adversity in unexpected ways. I'm doing what I can to get back in order, and then I'll open up the sale.

Sorry for the delays; I'm trying to get back in line for my normal seasonal activities. I was thinking about doing more dramatic holiday readings, but I lost my audio recording software, my editing suite, etc. So likely there will be none of that, either. Not like it much matters; they didn't seem to catch any attention last time, and they've been lost now anyway. So just keep your eyes peeled for whatever I do throw out there. Probably not much, but something.

So, there's obviously the new concept I'm playing with. One of my many experiments, this time involving an extradimensional realm full of strange, carnival-themed entities, particularly the Clown-Demons known as the Merry Pranksters. I figure I'll just throw this journal up in case anyone has any questions about the concept, the lore, etc.

Think of it as my standard world creation nonsense. Anybody has questions, here's the spot. Otherwise, most people who want to speak to me have the means to ask directly.

SO! I'm probably going to be running seasonal commissions for October, since Halloween is my favorite day of the year. What I'm curious about is: Should I put the theme to a vote?

The idea I had was a set of themes, and whichever one is most popular will be the one chosen for the sale.

Themes would include:

Monsters.
Demons.
Aliens.
Ghosts.
Undead.
Halloween Fun.

General structure would be that whichever one wins, that determines the first piece for the sale. Standard rules would apply, of course: You provide a character, tell me a kink you'd like, and I'd write something of an unspecified size in a setting that I feel suits the piece. You all know my Post-Apocalyptic, Fantasy and Sci-Fi work, so it'd be something along those lines. I'd flat-rate the work, giving you a fair deal, and you'd get something seasonally fun and appropriate.

I'm hoping to get a bit of spending money since there are a few upcoming games I'm invested in getting, but also because...Well, you guys know how I love art.

So, what say you, folks? If you're a follower and might be interested in seeing what comes of a sale, which category would you vote for?

Well, my laptop has decided to eat it all of a sudden Windows update seems to be the culprit. Typing this out on a tablet at the moment. Delays in everything to be expected. Bare with me, folks. I don’t know when I’ll be back in action. All depends on repair costs.

Wish me luck I guess...

Which would people rather see:

Halloween themed art, and if so, of which of my characters?

Or a seasonal Shorty sale for themed stories?

Here we go, folks! Something new for you!

Look in my gallery and choose someone to talk to; if you really want to know something about one of my folks, be it their lives, their families, etc., feel free to ask below. No holds barred, as long as you follow these three simple rules:

1.: Be respectful. These are more than just characters; these are people with lives and feelings.
2.: Try not to be too frivolous. Having fun is fine, but don't bother one of my folks with "Have you heard the word?" And then a bad meme, or you'll get a bad response.
3.: Don't be shy! Ask what comes to mind. They may be frank, sexual, bashful, playful, cold...There are different personalities at play, so don't be afraid to ask questions of multiple people. Though, do try to keep it to one at a time, per comment; it'll keep it more organized, yeah?

So ask below, and have fun!

S.3.R.A. Research Report # XT-HE-1965-20XX: "Mothman:.

RACE/SPECIES: No given name for this "Species" due to unusual circumstances related to them. They have accepted the appellation "Mothman", which has been erroneously attributed to being a reference to the (at the time) popular Batman television series (See: Entertainment Archives, ABC Prime-time "Batman" 1966-1968.), while it is more commonly accepted to have been a simple title given out of unfamiliarity. Sometimes also referred to as "Winged Humanoids", but given the relatively common nature of such entities, this should be avoided.


CLASS: Sub/Far-Human. No actual human genetic connection, though their bipedal, upright stance and general mannerisms are human enough. Incapable of passing as human, however. May be re-classified as Inhuman at a later date.


DOMAIN: Terra Externa. Theorized, though not confirmed, to originate from secondary tangentially linked realities or dimension(s). All that they are capable of confirming is that they do not originate from Earth.


ORDER: Extradimensional, possibly Primal as well.


DESCRIPTION: The "Mothmen" are best recognized by their outline and somewhat inaccurate descriptions given by eyewitnesses during historical events of disastrous proportions (See S.3.R.A. Phenomena Records 171-229-B, "Silver Bridge Collapse, 12/15/67", 171-229-E "I-35 West Bridge Collapse, 8/1/07", and 171-229-Y "Chernobyl Reactor 4/Pripyat Nuclear Disaster, 4/26/86" for example sightings). Described as man-sized or larger, anthropoid, with no visible head and a stooped, hunching posture. Massive wingspan, shuffling gait and what appear to be giant, glowing red eyes set directly into the torso.

This description is specious at best, and may actually, in some cases, be attributed to one or more other XTs rather than the Mothmen themselves (See S.3.R.A. Phenomena Record 055-202-923 "Nightflier" and 183-564-002 "Gazing Thing of Black Mountain" for details on possible XTs). The actual physical description is much less unsettling, though no less exotic.

For lack of a better term, they appear to be anthropoid Moths. Humanoid in general shape, with four arms and large wings which they fold around themselves in a fashion not unlike a cloak. The "glowing red eyes" are actually reflective patches of pseudo-scales near the shoulder joints, possibly used for long range communication in low-light conditions. Their apparent lack of a head from a distance may be attributed to the presence of a large, furred "ruff" at the neckline, which they can withdraw the head into during flight as to protect their neck and lower face.

Facial structure is near-human, though the lower jaw does split into ridged mandibles. Eyes are large, multifaceted and prismatic. Antennae are present; feathery and pronounced. Their arms are mostly humanoid in design, while their hands are feature two thumbs, one on each side. Legs are digitigrade, unlike actual insect legs, and feature a splay-toed stance with two large, clawed toes and a third supporting "strut" in the back. This gives the a light, almost prancing movement when walking.

Overall, the body of a Mothman is covered in dark-colored fur with lighter patterning on the torso and wings, though the fur is much finger on the appendages. Mouth structure is mostly humanoid, though they do have a proboscis that can be deployed from beneath a humanoid-like tongue to feed on fluid nutrients. Most common fur colors are brown, black and tan, and as there seem to only be two color variants at all these should be considered uniform. Reflective patches on shoulders, hips and wings appear semi-metallic, akin to bronze or copper, and illuminate red under certain lighting conditions. Eye-shine is easily recognized due to pinkish hue.

Sexual characteristics consist predominantly of internal anatomy, though females of the species have pronounced feminine hip structure and bust; attributed to basal Mammalian genetic traits, as the species does not appear to conform to more common classification.

LIFESPAN: Indeterminate. At this time all records of the species only relate to two particular members, and their tangents. Theoretically immortal, practically impossible to test. Admitted experiences of said members would indicate a minimum multi-millennial lifespan.


REPRODUCTION: Unknown. While capable of sexual intercourse (S.3.R.A. Medical Examination Record 37-228, as well as Psycho-Sexual Health Interview 771, subject "Brenda" for further information) with multiple species, they do not appear to be fertile. Due to their indeterminate lifespan, it is possible that there is a breeding phase which simply does not occur on any kind of time table convenient for S.3.R.A. to track. Neither subject had indicated knowledge of their breeding cycle.


SENSES: Sensory capabilities seem to range into the superhuman (Hearing, sight), to the extrasensory (A capacity to see what they refer to as "time-ripples", a self-confessed capability to see "fate" around certain individuals), and includes several senses that defy standard description. Minimum number of senses admitted to by subjects: Nine.


DIET: Mothmen seem to be fully capable of consuming any foodstuff presented to them with no discernible issue. It is not, at this time, known whether or not they actually obtain any kind of nutritive value from physical foodstuffs, as they have stated their primary dietary intake is actually chronal energy, particularly that of "potentiality". They feed off of what could have been, rather than what is or what will be, which is one of the reasons they are drawn to major disasters before they happen. They can detect impending doom, and though they feel obligated to make their presence known as a possible omen, they are also not going to pass up a meal.


CAPABILITIES: Standard suite of abilities for a winged anthropoid XT: Flight, enhanced strength and durability, heightened senses. Add to this their apparent sense for impending danger and disasters and they have a truly unique make-up. Of important note is one extremely unusual trait: Researchers have only been able to identify two actual members of their kind, though it would appear that they exist in multiple simultaneous tangents. That is to say, there are iterations of the two subjects in different places, at the same time. The male of the species, identifying as William, has stated that this is how it has always been. The female, Brenda, has gone so far as to state that there is only one "Mothman", and that all iterations are merely variants of the same entity at different points in time and life-cycle. While this is quite difficult to confirm, all evidence does seem to point to the probability of this being the case.


LIMITATIONS: Though they seem to be tangentially unstable in time and space, it does not appear that they are actually capable of full chronal displacement ("Time Travel"), not are they capable of teleportation or dimensional sliding. They appear to have been permanently bound to this reality at some remote point in the past, though their tangent selves have been scattered. There is still a sense of self-awareness across the "species", though, as they have no difficulty recalling events they themselves can attest to having never seen. Otherwise, they appear to be physically mortal, just incredibly long-lived. They can be injured, and it is suspected that one or more iterations may have in fact died at some point in the past. Their chronologically and spatially fractured existence may account for any possible paradoxes associated with this.


ORIGINS: The Mothmen originate from an unspecified tangent reality or dimension neighboring our own. Unfortunately, it seems the events of their transition to our reality resulted in not only their displacement in space-time and the fracturing of their own timeline in such a way that they are "scattered", but also resulted in a complete loss of memory before their arrival on Earth. Research continues to try and establish a basic timeline for these events, as well as a means to help restore their memories.


INTERNAL SOCIOLOGY: As their are, in theory, only two members of the species on a psychological and personal level it is difficult to determine sociology. It seems that Brenda and William get along with no issue, though it's difficult to say how they would react to other members of their species. We are incapable of determining whether or not this state of being is even unusual for their race, so as it stands anything said about their racial sociological norms would be pure conjecture.


INTERRACIAL RELATIONS: They can best be described as "gregarious" when it comes to dealing with S.3.R.A., XTs and supernatural beings. Friendly, open and honest to a fault, the Mothmen seem to have no qualms about interacting with and befriending other beings. Reports of sexual relationships, familial adoptions (See Felton Event Report "Black Family Cookout, Adopted Members list") and visitations to XT friendly communities worldwide have been numerous.

One particularly unusual trait is that they seem completely comfortable existing in the same space as "themselves", though rarely feel the need to interact unless drawn into interaction in a social circumstance.


INTEGRATION WITH HUMANITY: Impossible. Anatomically impossible to properly mask their nature, when coupled with their unusual state of being (which is often described as "migraine inducing" to when addressed by laymen) there is simply no way to properly incorporate the Mothmen into human society as a whole. That does not preclude them from interaction, as they have been frequently witnessed much to the ongoing chagrin of S.3.R.A and other international organizations.


THREAT ASSESSMENT: Despite their capacity to consume chronal energy it seems that the Mothmen are otherwise harmless. Acts of violence attributed to them have actually been traced to other XTs, as the Mothmen seem more likely to be pure pacifists than anything else.


OVERALL ASSESSMENT: An interesting, if confusing, case. Current tracking has identified no fewer than twenty-eight tangents of Brenda and William worldwide at this time, though it's highly unlikely that these are the only ones. S.3.R.A. will continue to track sightings in North America, and will continue standard interview, physical and update protocols with the iterations living in the Felton Underground, to be referred to as William and Brenda (prime) in paperwork from this point on.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8829123/

My friend  Horrified has a sick kitty baby, and I don't like the idea of that. I can't do much to help, but I can signal boost. PLEASE, if you can help, look at what they're offering and try to help out. Their work is awesome (See: Pregnant Olga in my gallery right now), and they need a helping hand.

Expect more pregnant Olga pics, motherfuckers. I've gotten lots of positive feedback on having our favorite ginger Shortstack in knocked up form, so buckle in. If you don't like pregnant chicks, Dwarves, gingers, shortstacks or a metric fucking ton of fuckin', you probably want to look the other way.

For everyone else? You're welcome.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8800846/

So those who know me well enough have heard I got hit with a fraud incident that drained my bank account and left me in bad shape. I'm not the kind to ask for handouts, but I will support someone else in need when I can. This cool artist is in dire need of cash right now, and anything can help. If you can help them reach their goal, they're going to run a contest for a chance at a 20 page comic.

Please, if you can do anything, do it. Commission them, donate, something. I can't help with money, but I'm spreading the word with a signal boost.

Hey everybody! I'm still working on my Homebrew setting and such, and right now I'm feeling like sharing some stuff if anyone's curious. The art seems somewhat popular thus far, so I'm going to go ahead and offer a Q&A opportunity to ask anything you want about the setting, lore, Pokemon, Regional Variants, Evil Teams, etc.

Not only will I be answering any questions that may come up, but I'll be letting some of the characters speak for themselves as well, including Professor's Peach, Peach and Plum of the Triple P Pokemon Research Institute and others.

SO, if you're curious about the Homebrew Pokemon tabletop/RP setting, just ask questions and we'll be happy to field them.

I'm trying to flesh out my Pokemon tabletop details, and for that I need art of characters and new Homebrew Pokemon. Specifically, I'm looking for artists who're willing to work from written descriptions to create original Pokemon in the general style of the traditional art and aesthetic.

If any artists who follow me are interested in working something out, please note me.

So, I'm looking to do a bit of a writing exercise at the moment involving one of my settings/concepts. To narrow it down and simplify (by a lot), it's a setting based on the concept of superheroes and super villains. Timeline starts pre-WW1, continues through to modern day. It's a world that has discovered a shadow war between Alien races has been raging for centuries, maybe even longer, and mankind has been swept up in it. Mutations, cyborgs, extra-dimensional and extraterrestrial beings, super-scientists and evil geniuses, the whole nine yards. More technologically advanced than Earth as we know it, but with a sort of Retro-50's Fallout feel due to the historical malformation. Technology developed, but a lot of the aesthetics in major locations remain in an older era.

The main storyline setting is a series of islands off the Jersey and New York coastline, a city called Iron Heights. There're two major groups of heroic figures in the form of The Guardians and Vigilantes, Inc. The Guardians mostly consist of "Capes", or more heavily powered individuals who deal with higher-end super crime and the like, whereas V.I. is mostly ground pounders, pulp-style vigilante heroes and villains-turned-heroes looking to make up for past bad acts. That faction is known as "Masks", simply enough.

There's a major super group called The Five, but they're sort of the be-all-end-all defacto Avengers-type super group, and then there are organized crime families and a number of super villain groups as well.

What does all this mean to you, my readers? It means I'm looking to flesh the world out with some more villains and heroes, of course.

So, here's what I'm offering: You give me three prompts and some information, and I'll come up with a character for you. The character is yours to do with as you wish from that point on, but I reserve the right to use them as background characters or plot characters in future writing in the setting. This is the sort of character creation I've actually been paid to do in the past, and it will be in-depth and detailed. I will bring the character to life in my own unique way.

Here's what I'll need in a response to this journal:

Prompt 1:
Prompt 2:
Prompt 3:

These can just be words, a power you want the character to have as a focus, a name you want for the character, ethnicity, origin, etc. Keep 'em short for convenience. (e.g. "Non-Human", "Animal Anthro", "Robotic", "Extradimensional", "African heritage", "Undead", "Teleportation".)

Mask or Cape?: What kind of power set, inspiration and background do you want?

Gender: Anything you want, name it. Male, female, Other, Asexual, Hermaphrodite, Transgender, Non-applicable, Gender-shifting, etc.
Sexual Preference, and/or Approval for X-Rated Writing: Simple enough. Do you want me to use them for sexy fun-times in my writing, and if so do they have a preference?
Kinks you approve/do not approve: If you know my work, you know I'm willing to work with nearly anything. I personally have limits on more extreme stuff, but here's where you can either tell me the limits you have, or say no-holds-barred.

Hero, Villain or Neutral?: Simple enough.
Affiliation: Do you want them tied to a super group of some sort, a crime family, the Iron Heights P.D., anything like that? Just give me a rough idea.

What you'll get back: Full character Bio, connections to other characters, physical description, costume description, power set, explanation of their place in the world, and a brief Q&A with the Hero or Villain about who they are and what motivates them. Also, potentially future artwork tied to the character if I take a liking to them.

I'm not sure how many of these I'm going to DO, but it all depends on whether there's an interest. Just a writing exercise for me, and if you do like the idea...Hey, free character design and concept from a writer who's not necessarily bad at what they do. Just respond in a comment below.

I don't think most people know this, but I've always been a pretty big fan of Anthony Bourdain. His acerbic wit, acid tongue and general "don't give a shit" approach to a lot of stuff in life always sat well with me, and I respected the guy for getting where he was in life despite having a rough run of it due to a lot of self-destructive tendencies.

I woke up today to the news that he had killed himself; hung himself in a hotel room in France. Any time one of my role models or celebrity heroes dies is a tragedy, but it always leaves me deeply bewildered when it's a suicide. Robin Williams was one such death, and despite the official diagnoses of "Cardiac Arrest" for Carrie Fisher...Well, she had enough high-grade narcotics in her system that they sure as hell didn't help. Same goes for Mitch Hedberg.

Every time I think about a celebrity death via suicide, it just...I have to take a step back an wrap my head around it. Bourdian suffered from massive clinical depression and struggled for most of his life with drug addiction and alcoholism. He made it to 61 years of age, but couldn't make it any further. He was wealthy, respected and admired. He had a daughter who loved him, and who he loved. And he still took his life. I'm a nobody; some faceless schmuck who thinks they're a writer but can't even pull their shit together to do that because of their own depression. If someone whose life actually has so much going for it can do that, what're the odds I won't just do what I've thought about for years? What keeps someone like me from ending it?

I've been suicidal for years. My depression is crippling; debilitating. Every day is a struggle to wake up, get up and do anything. Medication helps, or so I'm told, but it doesn't feel like anything I do makes it any better. Therapists just feel like a waste of time and energy, and I don't see the difference the meds supposedly make from inside. It's a constant struggle, and it gets to be so much that I feel like I'm drowning at times. A mixture of chemical imbalance in my brain, severe pain that never stops, and poor self worth are a toxic soup that just simmers and waits for one last ingredient.

I think that's the reason it always leaves me so off-kilter when someone I know and respect, be it an actor, an athlete, a writer, anyone really, takes their own life. I can relate to the feeling of hopelessness, and emptiness, and futility. It's how I feel all the time, and though I hate to admit it I can see the allure of an easy out. I know why people do it. I don't blame them; I don't pity them, either. They made a choice that, in the end, hurts those around them, and is the selfish route. And it is selfish on a fundamental level. There's no more selfish action than taking your own life at the expense of others. And that's the one reason I can think of that has kept me from taking the last step at this point in my life. I care too much about the people in my life to do something like that to them. I love my friends and my family, and I can't imagine hurting them like that.

I suppose in the long run what I wanted to do was say this: To anyone out there who suffers from depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts...Please, for your family and your friends, seek help. My stance on medication and therapists is my own; it may not be for me, but it's worth trying to anyone who feels they've lost hope. I don't know how many of the people who follow my gallery will read this, or will care, but if you or someone you know is in a bad way, please look into getting care. For yourself, and those you love.

I guess it's fitting to go out on his stance on the idea of retirement, an oddly prescient final interview he gave a couple of weeks ago.

“I gave up on that. I’ve tried. I just think I’m just too nervous, neurotic, driven. I would have had a different answer a few years ago. I might have deluded myself into thinking that I’d be happy in a hammock or gardening. But no, I’m quite sure I can’t. I’m going to pretty much die in the saddle.”

Rest in peace, Tony. I might not agree with the route you took to slipping off this mortal coil, but I understand why you did it. You spend your life fighting demons, and someday the fight will get to be too much.

Sorry if that was a bit rambling and over share-y, but...Yeah. Had to get that out there. Not every day someone you respect and are invested in dies. Did my head in, that.

Long and short of it: This game was done a major disservice by the inclusion of the combat system that's in place. The game has some good things going for it, mostly soundtrack and atmosphere, but the combat gameplay is absolutely abysmal. I haven't played a game with combat this poorly thought out and implemented in years, and legitimately every part of it, from the lackluster tacked-on crafting to the frankly idiotic blood-for-magic system (Yes, thank you, I needed a high "mana" cost AND arbitrary cooldowns on my abilities), is just a misery. This game would've been better suited as a combat-less exercise in drama via storytelling, with (I hate to say it) QTE segments to make up the meat of the action.

I would not suggest this game to anyone at this point, simply on the merit that it feels broken, unfinished and poorly balanced. The RPG elements aren't strong enough on their own, and the combat does nothing but hold back what could have been an atmospheric and intriguing RPG. The story just isn't enough to push it past a 4/10 for me. I never thought I'd say it, but The Order: 1886 felt better put together than this.

So an artist I know and like,  Horrified is currently in need of some cash for bills. They're offering a really good deal on their work right now, and I said I'd signal boost for 'em.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8690976/

Help 'em out if you can, okay?

Alright, folks; I've been out of the loop for a while due to health issues and my writer's block. I don't feel "right", and in all honesty I just need to do some small stuff to see if I even have it in me to do this anymore. So here's what's going to happen:

Opening three spots. Small; only about 2500 words expected. You pick: One of my characters, one of your characters, and one kink of your preference. You drop a response down below, and if I approve it we'll hash it out a bit via notes or via Discord. First come, first serve, no guarantees. This is a writing exercise to try and get some stuff done. If you like what I write, you can tip, but I'm not requiring that. If you don't like it, then that's fine. It'll just be scrapped and I'll write the time off as an exercise.

Not expecting much in the way of feedback on this, but my friend  Omina suggested I do something to try and work around this funk I've been hovering in for a while. If there's any interest, then thanks.

Alright, so! I bought the physical, special edition copy of the lovely Playing With Super Power, a SNES history book that includes walkthroughs and strategies of classic SNES titles, right alongside concept art and interviews with major figures in the development of Nintendo's best system. It also came with a free eGuide copy, available by entering a code at primagames.com/code.

Right now, I'm just looking to give it away if someone would like it. I'm a strategy guide collector, and don't need an eGuide copy of a book I physically own. If someone would like it, let me know. If you're an artist feel free to doodle something for me if you get it; it's a $10 value, so it doesn't matter either way; it'd just be nice.

If someone wants it, let me know. First come, first serve.