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Coming back to my old self
Posted 9 years agoWhat is up my fellow furs!? it's really good that i have y'all ^.^
I just wanted to let everyone know (for those who had no clue aboutthis) that this winter was a huge meltdown for me: emotionally, and spiritually. I did not realize how different i have become in all of the worst ways. Throughout this past time, i was getting eaten alive, from mostly my job that i quit in december, and until now, i have finally found my old self again. I'm still searching for him a little more, but for the most part, my toxicity has nearly disappeared. After hanging with certain people and getting crap thrown at me, i developed a bite back mindset. The hippy i was turned into a punk rocker, my hugs turned into middle fingers, and i lost almost all of the love i had for anyone in this world. Now that i'm finally back to grips, i just wanted to make an apology to everyone for my garbage. I know that i ended up hurting people, and some of my friendships became distant. I"m sorry, to all of you that i blew off. I want to acknowledge that i was a terrible person in general: i dwelled in dark places, fell into sin, lost any confidence i had, and developed a gigantic ego towards everyone. I hope to never go back to that place. The second biggest reason, other than to apologize, is that i want to let everyone know that i am seeking stronger than ever live in holiness. I long for a pure heart, and i'm retrieving it. I'm back to being a peaceful loving person. My addiction with lust is almost terminated completely, and my other struggles are ending, along with some negative relationships. After seeing how so many people are, i'm so thankful for a fandom that shares positive tolerance and harmony as we accept how each individual is. We are for innocence, and smiles, family, etc. I'm happy that i'm back though. My dark side is not a place i'd ever desire to be. But now that i'm letting go of it, I can once again really enjoy this place. :)
That's all. I just wanted everyone to know that i'm back to my old self, and thankful. peace
I just wanted to let everyone know (for those who had no clue aboutthis) that this winter was a huge meltdown for me: emotionally, and spiritually. I did not realize how different i have become in all of the worst ways. Throughout this past time, i was getting eaten alive, from mostly my job that i quit in december, and until now, i have finally found my old self again. I'm still searching for him a little more, but for the most part, my toxicity has nearly disappeared. After hanging with certain people and getting crap thrown at me, i developed a bite back mindset. The hippy i was turned into a punk rocker, my hugs turned into middle fingers, and i lost almost all of the love i had for anyone in this world. Now that i'm finally back to grips, i just wanted to make an apology to everyone for my garbage. I know that i ended up hurting people, and some of my friendships became distant. I"m sorry, to all of you that i blew off. I want to acknowledge that i was a terrible person in general: i dwelled in dark places, fell into sin, lost any confidence i had, and developed a gigantic ego towards everyone. I hope to never go back to that place. The second biggest reason, other than to apologize, is that i want to let everyone know that i am seeking stronger than ever live in holiness. I long for a pure heart, and i'm retrieving it. I'm back to being a peaceful loving person. My addiction with lust is almost terminated completely, and my other struggles are ending, along with some negative relationships. After seeing how so many people are, i'm so thankful for a fandom that shares positive tolerance and harmony as we accept how each individual is. We are for innocence, and smiles, family, etc. I'm happy that i'm back though. My dark side is not a place i'd ever desire to be. But now that i'm letting go of it, I can once again really enjoy this place. :)
That's all. I just wanted everyone to know that i'm back to my old self, and thankful. peace
neither can i
Posted 9 years agoso last monday, i did my weekly ritual by going to my local open mic and playing guitar and singing. and when i was done, i continued my ritual of smoking a cig after my set. This one cool chick was talking about how everyone thinks she's so good when she sucks or something... and we all were like "you're good" and she was like "i don't know crap" and then i just went and started talking about what art is, saying crap like
"dude. ur soulful, that's what i love about your playing. you have passion. and you are pretty decent at guitar too. but most people don't have what you have. and i can't stand people that just do it just to do. if you have a soul, then you have one, if you don't, then you don't. and if you're not here to express yourself, then get the fuck out of here because you're wasting our time. etc"
and then this one guy, whom, the open mic before, wrote a song on improv about how he looked like a fuckboy because of his clothes. He looked at me in the eye like... concerned. and i looked at him like "i'll feel guilty for a reason that doesn't apply to this situation of people, but that's about it", and then he just looked away.
i feel bad, but i know he's really passionate, and music is therapeautic to him, but at the same time, he is kind of a shallow fuckboy, like for real. and i think i subconsciously called him out on it almost as much as i called out the fact that i'm a twot. like almost he got really offended and instinctually wanted to beat me up, which he totally could have, but knew i was also angry and raw in my expression, yet maybe just a little too far.
Though he took it in an insulting way, i didn't mean it like that, and i wasn't pointing anything at him, and like i said, that guy has good songs with meanings. Good thing the last song he played that night was awesome, so about 10 minutes later i told him that his last song was amazing, and yeah. But gosh, i mean... sorry :< have fun dude. that's the point, just... know that it's something else for other people. But you know that very well, because i listen to your songs. i mean dude... if you took that personally, i'm sorry, we are all shallow at some point. But man i get weird about dissing on artists.
"dude. ur soulful, that's what i love about your playing. you have passion. and you are pretty decent at guitar too. but most people don't have what you have. and i can't stand people that just do it just to do. if you have a soul, then you have one, if you don't, then you don't. and if you're not here to express yourself, then get the fuck out of here because you're wasting our time. etc"
and then this one guy, whom, the open mic before, wrote a song on improv about how he looked like a fuckboy because of his clothes. He looked at me in the eye like... concerned. and i looked at him like "i'll feel guilty for a reason that doesn't apply to this situation of people, but that's about it", and then he just looked away.
i feel bad, but i know he's really passionate, and music is therapeautic to him, but at the same time, he is kind of a shallow fuckboy, like for real. and i think i subconsciously called him out on it almost as much as i called out the fact that i'm a twot. like almost he got really offended and instinctually wanted to beat me up, which he totally could have, but knew i was also angry and raw in my expression, yet maybe just a little too far.
Though he took it in an insulting way, i didn't mean it like that, and i wasn't pointing anything at him, and like i said, that guy has good songs with meanings. Good thing the last song he played that night was awesome, so about 10 minutes later i told him that his last song was amazing, and yeah. But gosh, i mean... sorry :< have fun dude. that's the point, just... know that it's something else for other people. But you know that very well, because i listen to your songs. i mean dude... if you took that personally, i'm sorry, we are all shallow at some point. But man i get weird about dissing on artists.
me too
Posted 9 years agoi named that one parrot dotted piece that at my college gallery, which is why it probably didn't make it. so then i took it home and started drawing again. so anyways, jobs are really pleasing when you don't apply for them. Also, i'm playing my 2nd solo show on the 7th. just acoustic guitar and maybe some singing with it. I'm exited to start really participating at my local music scene. hell yeah.
what else? my band, the thread, is back together and we're all devoted... excepted the wannabe jack white, so we're kicking him out and replacing him with the old bassist in my band, rust, which i quit when i started working again, and then the band fell apart, so now we got good chemistry in one band, rather than bad chemistry in twooooooooooue. on a serious note, if anyone is reading this, and produces edm and is good at mastering, plz give me tips, vids, whatever... i mean i'm getting better with literally every song i finish, but still, help me catch some hooks along the way.
what else is important?
ohhh yeah! i met an irl furry for the first time the other day. we hung out and i drew him a punky version of his lady fursona. other than that. bye.
what else? my band, the thread, is back together and we're all devoted... excepted the wannabe jack white, so we're kicking him out and replacing him with the old bassist in my band, rust, which i quit when i started working again, and then the band fell apart, so now we got good chemistry in one band, rather than bad chemistry in twooooooooooue. on a serious note, if anyone is reading this, and produces edm and is good at mastering, plz give me tips, vids, whatever... i mean i'm getting better with literally every song i finish, but still, help me catch some hooks along the way.
what else is important?
ohhh yeah! i met an irl furry for the first time the other day. we hung out and i drew him a punky version of his lady fursona. other than that. bye.
UP TO DATE ON ME!? I CAN TRY!
Posted 9 years agookay... so like... life sucks... i went insane the last couple weeks to find myself growing into a stronger person. My art is finally getting better, and my music is sky rocketing. I've been working nights at a candy factory and i'm about ready to let go of it. I've tried, but i've realized that i'm not meant for working full time labor, and out of my fight or flight responses, i plan on getting a permit in chicago to start street performing. Just me and my guitar. The hard part is learning how to do it safely... But after that, i know things will flow a lot better. since the last time i've posted anything, i've dabbled into watercolors, charcoal sticks, but micron is what i feel right about. I'll be posting some visual work hopefully soon. And yeah, God bless all of you!
