Causes you to miss things, and chances. will let words that you were saving to be swallowed up into your stomach like some bad chinese food.

It will sit there and fester till one day it passes or more words are packed ontop of it.

I don't deserve a second chance. because there is nothing to say anymore. It won't matter.

I waited too long





in happier news i am going to mff soon so there is that after that i think i'm just gonna hide away some more.

Without naming anyone i'm gonna tell a small story.

There is a Friend who is in love with someone. i can see it. the pain in their eyes when they think about not being with them. and they don't really treat my friend badly, however they seem very insensitive of my friends feelings. but my friend is deeply in love with this person.and has been thru hell and back with them. I try my best to cheer them up. I tell them, and ask them

"Are you sure this is worth it?"

and they always respond like clock work.

"They are worth it"

Even tho they might be interested in someone else. have watch them date other people

"They are worth it."

And i couldn't understand it...how someone can go thru so much pain and heartache and tears for someone who may never return their feelings. Who pours their emotions out to them to just be ignored.

MY heart longs for them to gain what the desire most, a chance.

I go home and then i sit down and i talk to the person i lo-

Then it hits me.

I am my friend...i am ...the way i am..because of my desire to be with that one person that just..make me smile.

I've watched them and picked them up.

The situations aren't exactly same

We never dated.

I've Never poured my heart out to them.

I haven't known this person as long as my friend has known their interest.

But i hear the things and watch what happens, and i get the feeling of hopelessness.

About who makes them happy and what makes them sad. I just get...this ugly feeling of jealousy

I never get Jealous about anything. ANYTHING!

That little voice that tells me:

"Don't bother, you aren't gonna get that chance"

I normally fight this voice.

I always win the rounds, but....

I'm not so confident in this one..

But to me?

"They are Worth it, They are worth every second i have piece of mind knowing that they are happy. That to me is always worth it because nothing compares to the glow they have when they are happy." -My Friend/My Thoughts

Oh...and for those who are curious, No i didn't get over the Sickness..I just made it all the worst by staying quiet about it like the coward i actually am

Well, i'm not really sick like a cold or flu or disease or something like that.

I am out of town visiting friends,
and...
one of them i'm enjoying being around them thru all of it.
I just wish i was braver..

my stomach is tight and feels like someone jabbed their hand in my stomach and is just rolling it around and around and around in a tight grip.

I don't want to say it's love. cause then i really do think i would be sick... the more i think about it the more i want to just...throw up.

i'm not disgusted i just...am sick of having to hide this illness i have because of them..

to crave to be infected by it....i want that...and now that i have it...i'm so fucking scared of it. do i really want to do this? take a un-calculated chance and throw my emotions up in the air?

i'll take advice for this from anyone...and quietly hope that i can do this...

i wish my step-father was here to guide me... to tell me the answer... i haven't felt this way in a very long time and i'm so scared of how good this feeling it is to be with someone you just would do anything for. not because you want something. but because you just want to see that smile of theirs that you've grown to ....love

What happen to me?

In a daring move i ended up leaving New york. I'm in Washington like i always wanted.
The room i'm in is a basement shared with other people, but i have my own place to sleep and lock up at the end of the day.

Why did i move so suddenly and how?

Lets start with how, support. I got support from my Mother and Father at crunch time. That being said some of it was just careful planing and selection of flights and places to live. I found a Place close to my job and with in walking distance of the bus.
As for why, I was lucky enough to score a job here at Microsoft so there is that now.

Money isn't a problem?
Rent is 450 (including Utilties) Plus 50 for my phone bill Money will not be a problem at all.

So what now?
Pay off my debts. First and for most that shouldn't take long. After that I should look into getting a car, Then a better place to live, granted this room is very small. I have to just make it work for me.

I want to thank anyone and everyone who helped me, it means alot, besides that i'm going to do pretty well out here i believe.

I will certienly update this again.

Oh and my birthday passed

There isn't alot i can say besides what in my Go Fund Me

But i need to move. My mother is selling the place and i don't have anywhere to go right now.
No i can't stay with my mother. If i could do that and be financially okay i would.
No there isn't any friends that i know of that can help me ask i have been asking around.

That being said i'm still beggin for help i don't want to be homeless so...if you all can help

Spread the word

Tell a friend

Put a Dollar in

Anything i'd be grateful so very grateful to you all

Here is the GFM Link:
https://www.gofundme.com/28b2z578

If you have anyquestions. Ask ask me whatever you want.

I need more friends how can i make more friends in the furry community?

I've been around i went on vacation and such.. plans get set back and such i'm hoping to move this year might still happen but just much later then i wanted too cause now i really need a decent amount of money in my pocket before i leave. I don't feel like waiting any longer for my contact.

Alright so let me update people On stuff that going on I'll will go with what is the most recent to what is going to be happens at the end of the year
First

Extra Life
If you don't know Extra life is a Charity event that i learned about 3 years ago and since have been trying to make as much as a small difference with this event. I will be providing the website for more information about it. But to sum it up this is it. Extra life is a 24 hour event where I will be stream 24 hours no breaks for the sake of trying to get donations that will go directly to a children hospital. Even if's just a dollar it still counts everything counts

My goal is at LEAST $1000 but even if i don't make that. That's fine with me spreading awareness is always something that is very helpful to the cause i'm doing this for. So even if you can't come in donate spreading the word or hanging out is okay with me.

This is the link to donate: http://tinyurl.com/of2jwxd
This is the Link to the Stream :http://www.twitch.tv/jubeihero

Midwest Furfest
I will be going once again to MFF2015 i will be going with  Wolfix_FireHeart  Redd and one other who i will not name cause i like no drama but i know them and that's the important thing. I'll will be there from Thursday to Monday i'll be flying in from New york. I'm not dressing up or anything like that. But thats that about that!

End of the Year
I'm gonan be moving from my current home and having to find a new place. I'm bring along with me cause i'm a lonely person like that. And it's gonna be a grand old time. This section might get updated again soon

PLease be advised your stuff is now supposedly exposed in the open on this website

https://yiff.party/

Anythign that you have made, will make or are planing to produce, this website has it's contents. i don't know who it is but alot of famoas furry artist and once who have a loayl fan base are on here

Names go on and on and on here and i really suggest trying to find someway to get this down

Thank you for bring this to my attention

Where are you staying?
Main Hotel

What day are you getting there?
July 8th i leave in 2 hours for my bus

How are you traveling?
Bus were you not paying attention!

Who will you be rooming with?
And one other

How is the best way to find you?
Twitter! Or text if you have my number. You know who you are. Or Skype look in my profile for that

Are there any panels you might be attending?
I will try my best

What do you look like?
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/17040226/

Will you be suiting?
Nope

Do you do free art?
Nope

Do you do trades?
Naet

Do you do badges?
Nien

What is your gender?
Peen

How tall are you?
5'10

Can I talk to you?
Go for it lead the convo for abit and if you find some topic we can both chat about, thats great

Can I touch you?
Yes come give me a big old hug

Can I visit your room?
It will smell like fox, not sure you'll want to.

Can I buy you drinks?
You suuure can favorite drink is rum and coke but i'll try anything once

Can I give you stuff?
I don't mind i will most likely try my best to be humble about it

Can I hug or snuggle with you?
Yes come on and hug and snug,

Are you nice?
I would like to think so :o but yes if i would sum it up i'm a nice guy

How long are you going?
Wednesday-Monday


Do you have an artist table?
I'll hang out at them i won't be behind them

Will you be going to parties?
if invited

Will you be performing?
Nope

If I see you, how should I get your attention?
Jubei, Jukaka, Aaron, Cat, Kitty

Where will you be most of the time during the day?
Walking around getting my Barrings of everything

What/where will you be eating?
Not sure yet i'll follow most likely where. but i'll eat whatever is tasty looking or smelling

Can I come with you for food/fun/etc?
Sure come along

Can I take your picture?
Go for it don't expect me to pay for your Camera


What's your goal(s) for the con this year?
Party meet people
Maybe even see if theres like some new people to just over hang around with

Level 23 new Dungeon unlocked
Anthrocon
Bouns Experince for First time thru Dungeon

See you there

I'm going there, so if you wanna say hello. Say hello!

I will certienly be trying to have alot of fun and meeting up with a whole bunch of people

SKype is the best way to reach me or IRC if you can find me there

That how i feel right now

Before

Now

Most likely fore the rest of my life

fighting for attention i know i'll never get.

Thanks for confirming that

 coldheartedhero needs 20 bucks cause he was over drawn

https://join.me/489-478-001
https://join.me/489-478-001
https://join.me/489-478-001
https://join.me/489-478-001

He ist doing some sketch commission check it out it's only 20 bucks

I'm so DONE with people today


TL;DR: SLOW THE FUCK DOWN AND ENJOY LIFE

I'm done with inpatient people the most.

I live in NY

So that means it will be near passed midnight for you in AUS

Almost Afternoon for people in Europe

I don't understand why people don't understand time zones. One thing i find precious among all things is time. That shit is always fucking moving it waits for no fucking on so when you are able to spend time with someone SPEND TIME WITH THAT SOMEONE. Cause you don't know when they will fall asleep or be taken away

Or worst case scenario is they die.

MY step-father. Who i loved like my real one to this day, died. The day before he died my mother went to go see him (they were still friend even tho they had broken up. she had just came back from a cruise for her birthday and when she came back it was after her birthday but still went to go see him) She asked me if i wanted to go. then you know i'm just a kid i want to stay home bullshit and play video games.

The Next day, THE VERY NEXT FUCKING DAY My mother's boyfriend and I where at my house and mom call him on the phone. I let him talk so i go in my room. He calls me out and say that Claxe(nickname for stepfather) died.

I could have fucking saw him one last time but no i didn't! i fucking stayed my childish ass home thinking video games where more important that i could go see him whenever i wanted. No that shit isn't true he up an died! I couldn't even say goodbye to him in a normal greeting! To this day i still haven't forgiven myself for that. But i took a large amount of lesson from that day to now.

Time waits for no one. Not for you, not for me. Not for anyone. So spend as much time as possible with those you care for even if it's for a moment.

Slow down don't live so fast.

Don't lose time because of some bullshit.

Don't stay mad at someone forever

Don't ignore someone forever

Let all that shit go because i promise you, you gonna wanna cherish every fucking moment.

EVERY SINGLE LAST FUCKING ONE

...

http://img.picturequotes.com/1/540/.....ad-quote-1.jpg

Oh it's still here!

It's been here expect it won't be rising anymore then it already has the Electricity for the Most part has been settle but now i have a 1000+ dollar debt to Verizon and well that not gonna go away anytime soon

If you guys remember the Go fund me is still there and
 FALendAHand has kindly spread the word.

To put it in prescriptive

IF everyone who watched me donated 5 dollars i'd have basically make more then enough to settle this debt and any other that might reach me

https://www.gofundme.com/guf15s
https://www.gofundme.com/guf15s
https://www.gofundme.com/guf15s
https://www.gofundme.com/guf15s
https://www.gofundme.com/guf15s
https://www.gofundme.com/guf15s

I'm really just done with this place. I work for a Security firm that has bases all over the US So a job isn't THAT hard for me to obtain. But i'd like to actully move out of this currenty livign arragment. I will legit move anywhere and do anything

Please help me get the FUCK out of here as soon as possble

I will do WHATEVER that person wants me to, fuck i'd be a fucking slave for all that person wants, i legit don't care more anythign to get up and out of here as soon as possble.

IF you want to know more about me I'lll gladly tell you.

any comments about how i got these with the Money i have, seriously just take it somewhere else.

these were all before it Thank you

This is still a thing

The only two updates to this the bill has gotten larger

Two: I might have a job in the future that might helpign me out dramaticly with this.

Till then i will still be needed any sort of help with this

https://www.gofundme.com/guf15s/
https://www.gofundme.com/guf15s/
https://www.gofundme.com/guf15s/
https://www.gofundme.com/guf15s/

https://twitter.com/Jubeithehero
https://twitter.com/Jubeithehero
https://twitter.com/Jubeithehero
https://twitter.com/Jubeithehero
https://twitter.com/Jubeithehero
https://twitter.com/Jubeithehero
https://twitter.com/Jubeithehero
https://twitter.com/Jubeithehero
https://twitter.com/Jubeithehero
https://twitter.com/Jubeithehero

Or my skype Jubei_the_hero

Im thankful for my boyfriend breaking up with first thing


Im thankful for being absolutely alone in trying to talk to someone about (minus the on from UK, you are awesome.)

Im thankful to those who figure a quick hello.

Im thankful for those who i can't properly tell me feelings with.

Im thankful for the greif im in. While others can just say a few words and get auto help.

Im thankful to a mother who wishes to say "i cant understand you, speak up." When i speak about flaws in her logic, to only be shushed at the start of my counter argument

I am thankful more so then anything that um alive

Im thankful for those who stuck around

To those who do and does help

That know im not just another bit of cock and balls

Im thankful to you my watchers for putting up with me.

I don't care how famous you are

I don't care how well or how bad you draw

I don't care how much bank you make or not make

I don't care how much pull you got

If your a person i enjoy being with then guess what i'm gonna try to be your friend

I'm not gonna ask for you to draw something for me* (if you wanna draw something for me, i rather write a story for you)

I'm not gonna ask you to get me something.

All i want to know about you, First, everything art related comes second

So what is the wrong with this guy?