can ya'll do me a favor and report this video? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPzL69-b2xM

the guy thinks it's "proof" or "payback" or whatever but he's literally catching himself on camera making alt accounts so he can continue to harass us

I found a new (to me) artist here and started faving some of their art, and while I was doing it, they blocked me

like.. right in the middle of me faving them, so I wasn't blocked before

one image I could fave, and the next "you cannot fave a submission from someone who has blocked you"

like.... huh???

I'm so fucking stupid

I guess I misheard or misread, but this whole time I thought the replacement furnace was 1,800

I just looked at the bill because I'm filling out this grant work gave me and it turns out, I missed a zero

it's $18,000, not $1,800

looks like the cost for the new furnace is gonna be $1800, not as bad as it could have been, but I might still need help paying it off

if you'd still like to support me, you can do so here

https://ko-fi.com/justbored

Had someone look at the furnace yesterday, and it's just gone, too old, had it's run but finally reached it's end

In other words I can't fix it, it needs to be completely replaced, and with my parents gone, and having no roommates, there's no possible way I can afford to do that

Tomorrow it's supposed to snow, I bought a few space heaters hopefully they'll help, but the situation is pretty fucked

I hate to do this, cause it feels sort of scummy to ask, but if anyone could spare anything, I have a ko-fi, anything would be extremely helpful

https://ko-fi.com/justbored

Where to support us:
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/JustBored
Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/justbored

I've decided to open up my Discord server to the public, if you're interested in joining, follow this link

https://discord.gg/9uWPt4B

so I actually got this news like a week ago but I've been busy trying to find a place to live because the homeowner is kicking us all out so his family can move in
literally
he said the reason was there was a "family emergency" and he needs the rooms

so now I have a month to find a new place to live, December 11th is the cut-off date, which also happens to be MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY, YEA, REAL NICE BIRTHDAY PRESENT THERE, FORCING ME TO FIND A NEW PLACE TO LIVE

I can't fight it, I'm not on a lease, it was never an official thing, he was just a friend I paid to have a room, which also means I technically have no rental history since friends and family don't count

also I was informed of this literally the day after I cut my family off for being bigoted pieces of shit, so I can't just.. go back to my parent's

I'm having a really hard time and idk what I'm going to do

soooo yea, Monday, I was on my way to work, it was storming real bad, I hit a bit of flooded road and ended up hydroplaning. I was on the highway, in the far left lane, when I lost control I drove into the grass, there was like a cable fence type thing that's supposed to stop you from going into oncoming but it did not stop me, at all, I went straight into oncoming, on the highway, I was very close to hitting someone head on going like 70 -80 mph, if I did I probably wouldn't be alive right now, but thankfully I had the presence of mind to take as much control of the situation I could. I still couldn't really control the car but I was able to manipulate it enough that I avoided hitting anyone and crashed back into the cable fence, and this time it stopped me. though "stopping me" is a bit of an understatement, I rammed into several of the poles and the cable completely wrapped around my car as I spun, I actually had to crawl out of one of my windows to get out because the cables were taught around my vehicle, preventing the doors from opening.

I walked away relatively injury free, no broken or fractured bones, just got whiplash and muscle strain, I've been visiting the chiropractor to get my spine aligned (it's probably not related to the accident, but when checking on me after the accident they did find several things wrong with it).

the car itself is totaled, I can't drive it anymore, however I still had most of my stimulus check thanks to me still working due to being an "essential employee", and was able to get a new car within the week, just got to fix a few things about it and get it to pass inspection and I'll be good to go.

while things seem to have turned out ok in the end, this whole ordeal has taken a toll on me mentally, I mean, I may have been able to replace the car, but I still lost my old one, I still got in a pretty bad accident, and I still lost all that money I had saved.. and I guess the money I got from the government, which if I did not have, I'd be royally screwed, which is pretty fucked if you think about it. if we weren't in this crisis right now... I don't know what I'd do, the fact that I could only make this work because of that little bit of help... yea.. that doesn't make me feel good, I mean, maybe I should be grateful for it, and I am? but at the same time... I dunno, I don't like the fact I would have been fucked without it. but maybe I'm just caught up in all my negative emotions from going though something like this, I guess, I dunno, I'm just venting

a few friends drew up some birthday stuff for me but I have to work today so I can't upload them right away, but just know that when I DO eventually upload them, it'll be already past my birthday, cause my birthday is today X3

I think I'm at my wit's end, I'm just sick and tired of my direct family's ignorance, the rest of my family seem to actually have good heads on their shoulders, but for whatever reason, the household which I come from, my mom my dad and my sister, all seem to be the stupidest people I could have been stuck with. This has been going on for a while, but these most recent shootings have really pushed me to my breaking point I think, I don't understand how they can continue to support the very people causing these things to happen. They just keep defending him, keep making excuses for him, they deny he had anything to do with it despite the El Paso shooter's manifesto echoing his very rhetoric, and coming up with lame statements "oh well we all make mistakes, but we should still respect him as our president and authority figure, I'm sure we would make mistakes if we were int he same situation". First of all, these aren't mistakes, they're intentional, he's made his intentions QUITE clear, and no, that speech he made doesn't mean anything, he's obviously only saying what he HAS to say but there's no heart behind it, there's no meaning to his words, and it's so obvious why can't they see it it's so fucking obvious!

but I can't explain that to them, they just won't listen to me! I can't correct them on anything! I don't know why but I tried with my sister, I actually got into a somewhat heated argument with her, and she didn't even argue any of the points I was trying to make, all she did was deflect everything back onto me! Instead of acknowledging anything I had to say, all she did was tell me that I'm "falling away from God" Like she didn't even try to refute anything I said because she was only interested in telling me how "far I've strayed from The Lord" and then throwing Bible verses at me. Yea I might have said some hurtful things that I probably shouldn't have, I'm not afraid to admit my own faults, but I'm just so sick of this shit, I'm just so angry at these things that keep happening, and no one in my family willing to call out the evil that's right in front of them. "the devil is a liar, Nic" yea I know, and you're the one being lied to you just don't see it! Doesn't the Bible warn about false prophets and wolves in sheep's clothing? and yet she claims to have "wisdom" by "trusting in The Lord", but who are you to say you have wisdom? who can really tell you that? yourself? so you're just claiming you have wisdom because you think you do and because you think you have wisdom that just makes you automatically right? yea ok. When my sister WAS finally willing to actually argue the topic that started the whole thing, all she did was screenshot some article she read saying that the shooter said he didn't do it because of Trump, rather he was "triggered by Democrats saying they'd give illegal immigrants free healthcare", which is a whole other can of worms I don't feel like getting into, but like... is that supposed to make it any better? how does this help your side at all? it's still about racism, racism incited by the president, like.. what is this supposed to tell me? are you taking the shooter's side or something? like.. what? I ended up blocking her

Meanwhile, my mom's over here STILL complaining about Kappernick, like.. seriously? you're still going on about that? after how long? Also, how can you not get that they aren't disrespecting the flag, but rather protesting police brutality? not only that, but you bring that back up NOW right after these shootings caused my intense racism and white supremacy? and you think now is a good time to dog on people who are only protesting police brutality primarily targeted towards people of color? what the actual fuck is wrong with you? of course she tries to defend it by, again, throwing religion into it, "oh well i just think if you're gonna kneel you should pray, like Tim Tebow does" fuck off, mom. Not everything has to be about Christianity you know.

Ah yes, and that of course brings me to my dad. My dad eat, breaths, sleeps Christianity, it's all he seems capable of talking about. I can't even get any fatherly advice from him or anything because each time I come to him with an issue I'm having, all he can tell me is "well have you spoken to The Lord?" "perhaps you should speak to God about it" "have you tried praying?" Yea real helpful dad, thanks for nothing, I came to you because I wanted actual human advice, from my actual human father. And I can't even try to argue with him about anything, if I were to even try to correct anything misinformed he says, he just shouts and shuts me down saying "OK LET'S JUST CHANGE THE SUBJECT, I want to be happy, let's all just be happy, ok? let's not talk about it". So every time I see him I just have to not bring anything even mildly controversial up and pretend to be happy as to not upset him. Actually it's not just him I have to pretend around either, I have to do it with all 3 of them, when my mom's all "Oooooh my little boy, you'll always be my handsome little boy" and my sister's all "Awwwww my baby brother! I missed you!" I have to pretend like all the problems I have with them just don't exist because I don't want to get into a fight with them, though I am a little more confident with bringing things up with them than I am my dad, as the don't just immediately shut me down. But I'm sick of pretending, I wish I didn't have to act around my own family.

Honestly I'm just tired of living in this world, too, where these things continue to happen, then them people like my own fucking family just want to ignore it and pretend everything is ok when it is clearly not, and make excuses for the ones causing the issues too, I'm tired of it, I don't want to keep going in this fucked up world if everything keeps going down like this and nothing changes. If I can be honest, I've actually been feeling pretty suicidal, but you know what? Even if I did go through with that, I'm sure they'd find a way to spin it like "the devil had been warping his brain, and caused him to do this" and deflect all responsibility that they were in part to blame for what happened, Or maybe they'd say I was manipulated by "far left extremists" or something, I dunno, but it's wouldn't be so far off, my mom is already accusing me of being manipulated by my friends, all because I started thinking for myself and stopped being their "perfect little Christian boy". I still consider myself a Christian, mind you, all that's different is that I believe Jesus's message was about love and acceptance and kindness, "love they neighbor" and all that, and that's what I do, even those the church condemns as "sinners" such as the LGBT community and all that, but apparently they don't see it like that. My mom even recently posted something on Facebook that read along the lines of "manipulating a child into hating their parents is one of the most egregious things you can do" and this is of course after we'd had a few disagreements, but no mom, I'm not being manipulated into hating you, I hate you because you're an idiot

Eh... but honestly that's the tricky thing, DO I hate them? like do I actually hate them? I mean, they've never technically done anything bad, and they've always treated me well for the most part, they're always there when I need them, well... maybe not for advice like I'd stated, but my dad helps me with issues with my car all the time, and loans me money when I'm in a bind, despite being extremely pressed for cash as well, my mom does my laundry for me, and helps me with taxes. Even my sister sends me cute animal pictures she finds because she knows I love animals. I don't want to sound ungrateful, I'm very grateful for everything they've done for me over the years, extremely grateful. But.. I can't just.... stand by while they continue thinking these harmful things, can I? I mean... maybe this just seems trivial, yea? getting so worked up by a difference in political opinions? but people's lives are on the line, you know? this isn't something you can just take lightly anymore, there are serious consequences for these lines of thinking! People are dying and they're dying fast! and don't even get me started on climate change, if something about that doesn't change fast, literally nothing else will matter because everyone will be dead anyway.

I just... I don't know, I'm at a loss, I feel like I'm being torn between two sides of myself, one part of me that loves and adores and appreciates my family, and another side that absolutely hates my family and wishes to cut them out of my life forever. but I don't want to hate my family, I want to love them, they're my family after all! and they aren't bad people, they're helpers even! they do a lot of good things for a lot of people, including me! But I can't stand how they think, and it's driving me nuts! it makes me wish I was born into maybe one of my other relative's family's so I wouldn't have to deal with them so often

right now I have them all blocked on social media (except my dad but there's no point as he never uses it anyway, and there's no arguing with him even if he did), after having said some.. not so nice things to them, because I reached my breaking point and I just... wanted to lash out after keeping myself contained for so long. Part of me wants to reconcile with them, and be on good terms again... and another part... just wants to move far far away, and never speak to them ever again, although I can't really afford that option, but it would be nice.

I just wish I knew that to do

I've made 3 Mario Maker 2 levels so far, if you want to check them out, here are the codes:

WN8-TVQ-FDG
K3L-1L9-WYG
972-HJB-TRF

(ranked from easiest to hardest, though even the harder ones shouldn't be overly difficult)

so.... I think my "Art by" way of organizing has gotten a bit too complicated, as I have befriended some artists and now would have to move all art from them from the "Art by Others" folder into the "Art by my Friends" folder, and I think maybe I should just scrap that whole system and do "Commissions Art" and "Gifted Art" instead, so that's what I'll do X3 maybe I'll do sub-folders and whatnot to help me organize better, like have a comic folder for my art, we'll see what happened, I'm just obsessed with keeping things organized XD

I love this cat
And I love this bat
I love this dog
And I love this frog
I love this croc
And I love his cock
I love this paw
I want it in my maw
It doesn't take much thought
To know I like the knot
It's really not that hard
To find pleasure in a barb
Yes I love many things a lot

I am now 24, I certainly don't feel it though, lol

I probably should have made this journal first, but my friend Raymond gave me his permission to upload the art he's done for me, I'll be putting most of them in scraps since they are just doodles, but I liked them enough to hold on to them (there's quite a few so apologies for the influx of uploads)

They say the first step to solving a problem is admitting you have a problem; well, I didn't realize it until recently but it turns out I do have a problem, I have trust issues. I didn't even take it into consideration until someone pointed it out, I mean.. trust issues? I'm the guy who always gives people the benefit of the doubt. I'm the guy who always gives people second chances, third chances, too many chances. I'm the guy who always wants to trust people, even if I've been proven wrong before. I guess everyone has their limits though, been stepped on, tricked, and manipulated too many times, and although I still thought I was the same trusting guy I've always been, it seems my subconscious disagreed. For a while now I've just.. had all these thoughts.. "are they really my friends or are they just using me for my kindness?" "I do a lot for all of them, but would any of them do the same for me?" "do they even really care about me? does anyone care about me?" I thought it was just my depression, and maybe the depression has something to do with it too, but now I realize that I definitely have trust issues now too.

Without even realizing it, I began pushing everyone away, I stopped talking to people, I stopped hanging out with people, every once in a while I would got someone over to record for my YouTube channel but.. it was always strictly business, and my social battery drained much faster than it used to, so I would always take them home before too long. I realize now that it was all my own doing, but for a while there, I got real bitter, getting inside my own head that no one cared about me because no one talks to me anymore, or they only do if they need something from me, but it's never for just me. Not only that but my anger levels grew, my anger towards my family for being Trump supports despite claiming to be moral Christians, my anger towards other Christians, hypocrites doing the same thing or worse, despite me being a Christian myself, my anger towards politics in general concerning this country, actually I guess it's all politics but I mean I guess the bitterness towards my friends could be contributed to here too idk

Realizing these things have helped me get better though, knowing the problem I can start to make steps to fix it, like being aware the it's my own doing of pushing my friends away is why we don't talk and not because they don't care helps me feel a bit better, and I can start to work my way back to how things were, and shut my brain up whenever it has those thoughts. However that's not the only issue in my life right now, another thing contributing to my depression is my financial situation, and the feeling of hopelessness regarding that.

If you haven't seen the vlogs I recorded, here's a quick summary of what happened: My beloved Smart Car broke down, oil leak into the engine, would be more expensive to fix than to just buy an new car. Dad had a friend that owns a used car lot all the way in Topeka (which is in Kansas, like an hour away, I live in Missouri, somewhat near the Kansas City area if that tells you anything), he takes me there and his friend hooks me up with a new (used) car, a 2006 Buick Lucerne for $3,000 (well actually it was supposed to be a 2004 Nissan Altima but it wasn't ready to be sold yet it still needed a few repairs, said he's have it done in a week but he didn't, in fact it didn't even look worked on at all so I feel a bit jipped, would have been cheaper too, only $2,400, I could have waited longer but I really needed a car right away, too many people rely on me for rides). I set up a payment plan of $300 per month, so it'll take me about a year to pay it off, I also sold the Smart Car to him for $500 to help with the debt.

real quick I should mention that this car, I know it's used but it's got some problems, it didn't always start, it sometimes stutters and just won't turn on, the radio doesn't work, the back 2 windows don't work, the windshield cleaning fluids or whatever doesn't work, and it failed inspection because of how bad one of the tires were, as well as the whole starter thing, however my dad took it back and they fixed the starter and replaced the tire for me for free so that it would at least pass inspection, so that's nice I guess (oh yea also it takes me $40 to fill up the tank when my Smart Car only needed $20, and it only lasts about a week when my Smart car could last me 2 :/)

The car of course only has temporary tags at first, expires in 2 months of when I bought it, well the deadline was coming up and the DMV was giving me trouble because there was confusion about my address since the guy put my parent's address instead of my own, but after that was all settled, they told me I had to pay the sales tax and property tax before I can transfer the tags from my Smart Car to my new car (cheaper that way) and those taxes added up to about $300, not to mention that the $300 car payment was due as well, I only make like $550-$600 a paycheck so it was my entire paycheck to do all this.

if that weren't enough I started having issues with.. it might be my lungs? or muscles in that area? I don't know yet, all I know is that about 3 weeks ago I noticed I felt small pain right under my chest on my right side whenever I took a breath, and heavier breathing or deeper breaths hurt more, it hurts to yawn, it hurts to burp, even non-breathing things like just that pushing you do when you pee hurt that area for some reason, it felt like something was being jabbed into my lung or something, I initially brushed it off as just some internal bruising or something because it was all internal, no pain on the skin. Cut to a few nights ago and I was woken up at 5 a.m. just just this intense pain right there in that area, I tried sleeping in different positions but nothing helped, I couldn't fall back asleep for a good half an hour or so just because I was in too much pain. I attempted to work the next day but I just couldn't, not only was I in pain but I was also just extremely winded, I couldn't run, I couldn't lift heavy objects very well, I had trouble standing back up if I had to get on the floor to stock something, etc (should mention my work is stocking the shelves at a local grocery store), so I told my boss and he sent me home.

Unfortunately I don't have any health insurance and neither does my family, so my mom did her best to find a place I could go that wouldn't cost me too much, and I went to the doctor's the next day. they told us they can't determine anything without an X-ray, but the place we went didn't have one, and the place that did was already closed. They said they sent my info to the place that does, but I can't just walk in, I have to wait for them to call me, which sucks because if it's something I need to take off work for, I need to know so I can.. you know.. take off work (not that I can really afford to do that anyway but... you know how it goes) so, for now, I'm just stuck waiting for that call (also I know I wouldn't have to wait if I went to the ER but 1. I don't think this is really an emergency and 2. that would be MUCH more expensive and Idk if I can even afford to do what I'm doing right now).

Cut to today, still in a bit of pain but better than yesterday, got work later that I didn't plan to call out of, just needed to take my roommate to work, come home to relax for a bit, then go to work myself, well it seems like everything just wants to mess with me lately because one of my tired exploded on the way home. I was on the highway at the time but my exit was coming up so I just got on the exit and pulled into the grass on the left side of the road. I call my parents and tell them what happened, my mom tells me that our car insurance covers roadside assistance and that I should call them to help me out. My dad decided to briefly swing by where I'm at to see if I'm ok, while he was there he tells me that they wouldn't be able to change my tire on the side of the hill where I was at, so he pulls my car up onto the pavement of the road. He also informs me that the tire that blew also happens to be the very same tire his friend put on so I could pass inspection, hmmmmmmmmm.... Anyway, dad leaves eventually and I wait for roadside assistance to show up, before they do though, some guy in a truck labeled "emergency services" pulls up and starts yelling at me and calling me stupid. Apparently where I was was technically still in a lane of traffic, I tried to tell him that I was in the grass before my dad moved it so the people could change the tire when the got there, but he wouldn't listen. Anyway, he tells me to turn on my car, turn right and find a parking lot, (also remember, I was on the left side of the road) but then he started blaring his sirens really loud and other cars got in the way and I just started to panic, so I turned left instead because it seemed to be the safer option, and pulled in to a nearby gas station, he comes back to yell at me again though, asking "do you know the difference between left and right?" that guy was such a jerk, but I'm not sure if he was with the insurance company or not because roadside assistance showed up soon after and he took off, whatever I guess.

Luckily insurance covered everything about that exchange, I got a spare tire put on for free, however I WILL need to buy a new tire eventually, those spare ones are super thin and not made to be a long term solution, but I don't know how I'm going to afford that, I spent this entire paycheck on my car and next paycheck is going to rent and car insurance, not to mention I still need to get those X-rays and who knows how much that will cost me! so yea it only took several paragraphs but that's why I'm freaked out about my financial situation.

I think i said everything I wanted to say, ugh, sorry about the length but I've been holding everything in far too much and I really needed a good rant, I'm told keeping a journal would be good for my mental health (oh yea, the doctors say I should also see a counselor about my depression, but I probably won't since that's more money I can't spend) but yea, to summarize, I need to get out of this shell i built and start talking to my friends again so I can start to feel better and I'm royally screwed financially, thanks for listening

EDIT: oh yea, forgot to mention, I won't be going to college this semester because I couldn't afford my classes after my A+ Program expired, I should be able to get scholarships because I'm a good student, I mean I've been on the Dean's List every semester so far, though this last semester I didn't do *as* great and my GPA ended up dropping to a 3.49, literally JUST below a 3.5, making it so that I can't apply for scholarships that require I have a 3.5 or higher. x.x I applied for several scholarships but none of them got back to me, and I didn't have the money by the deadline so they dropped me out of my classes, but honestly with all that's happening I probably couldn't afford to go anyway, no way I could afford to buy my books with how things are going now, so it's probably a good thing. AT the same time though... I don't really even want much, I just want to do my Gen Eds and get my Associate's, that's it, I'm not going for a Bachelor's or anything like that, I just want my AA, and even just that is being extremely difficult DX

I don't know if any of you are the praying type, but he could really use it right now, our fun-loving, hyperactive pony friend has never been more down than he is right now

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8766624/ thought i'd might as well give it a shot

today was the last day of the semester, I'm finally free for the summer!

with how busy I've been with school I haven't had the time to upload stuff, and I actually have quite the backlog of things to upload, from commissions to my own art, so you might be seeing a lot of stuff from me quite soon

Ok so today in art class we were doing a "hat trick" assignment where had to put 3 options into the hat people could pick, and then after everyone put their 3 things in, the hat gets passed around for people to draw 3 things from the hat and draw whatever we draw (using all 3 in the same picture), You put it back into the hat so another person has the potential to draw it again, also if you don't like what you picked you can ask the teacher to come up with 3 randomly for you

As usual I put in "furries" and "cats", but since we had to do 3 this time I also put in "Nintendo games", but I REALLY wanted people to draw furries, cause it thought it would be fun to see what people come up with, 2 people drew "furries" as one of their options and both people were visibly appalled and asked the teacher to pick a random 3 for them (And they were the only ones to ask the teacher to do so)

In all 3 of my semesters in art class, only one other person who drew "furries", and he was also very upset about the fact, however he also drew "blood and gore" and decided to keep it just so he could draw a furry getting their head smashed in

I just feel unwelcome now more so than usual, considering I felt unwelcome just from being there with the fact that I'm not that good at art, I mean, I've read about discrimination against furries but not actually experienced it, It's just fucking dumb, I get there's a stigma thinking that they're overly sexual, sure, but they're literally just goddamn animal people, cartoon characters, it doesn't have to be anything sexual, and if you're the one drawing it you get to choose what they're doing soooo...?

I just don't get it

ok so I have some really old pics of Ryan's character that I never uploaded because he couldn't remember the artists that drew them and I'm a huge advocate for giving credit where credit is due, and if I couldn't credit the artist I didn't think I should upload it, however I recently found that the REASON he couldn't remember the artists was because 2 of the 3 were actually from create-your-character flash games he found, and the other one looks.. kinda like an edited screenshot.. so honestly.. I might just upload them anyway, even though they are.. pretty dang old at this point, but like.. oh well I guess

welp, I guess I should do it *sigh* guys.. I.. don't like anybody

yep, I'm Asexual/A-romantic

sorry to all those I disappointed

"but then why do you have porn?" because it's fun to pretend, Karen

idk what I'm doing anymore X3