I've been mulling over this in my mind, but do people find it confusing when people use several designs for the same character? =w=

Since I've decided to use the wolf, dragon, drolf, etc as other forms of my fox, I've been wondering if people actually find that confusing. Maybe I'm just thinking too much. I have a tendency of doing that.

If you see a fox, you're required to pet it?

Hi. I'm fox :3

🦊

I decided to finally deactivate my accounts on Twitter. Well, two of them. I don't remember the name or password for the third one, but they're the two I used the most. Third one was just my AD which I hardly used anyway.

I actually ditched Twitter like a year ago, but I held onto the accounts on the slim off-chance that Twitter would somehow get bought out from under the Musky Phlegm, but that's increasingly unlikely at this point. I could say it's because of the machine learning shit in their TOS, but I doubt deactivating my account would stop them from just retaining my data and feeding it into the machine anyway. Musk could tell me the sun is hot and I'd assume he was bullshitting.

Instead, I'm active over on BlueSky and Meow.Social. There isn't one that's better to follow than the other, as I tend to divide my attention quite equally between them.

https://bsky.app/profile/tufter.xyz
https://meow.social/@kaedal

... I was informed I have 99 journals.

Now it's precisely 100.

Okay it took almost ten days but I've already updated the ref sheet for my mystic fox.

I wasn't gonna upload a whole new ref sheet so I just updated the submitted file.

... I may have had to do it twice because after uploading I realised I never showed a close up of the arm marking either <.<"

But anyway, it's over here now. Or will be, once caches refresh.

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/57386663/

Next step is actually commissioning some art of 'em. This doesn't mean the slynx is out of the picture by any means. I may make some colour changes to the slynx, though. We'll see!

Not like the musical kind of jazz. But I can play some smooth jazz in the background while you listen to this, if you want. Here;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVXVjBMq4D8

Anywho, I realised I should probably drop my social media links somewhere here, given that Twitter has gone the way of the trilobite. Not that I don't use FA - in fact I browse this place religiously, I just suck at actually interacting with people sometimes.

So if you want more shitposting and less... actually thought out thoughts, you can find me here;

BlueSky
Main Acct. - https://bsky.app/profile/tufter.xyz
FFXIV Acct. - https://bsky.app/profile/xiv.tufter.xyz

Fediverse
Main Acct. - https://meow.social/@kaedal
Vorny Acct. - https://gulp.cafe/@kaedal

I don't bite.

Much.

... Usually.

I've come to realise it might have been a bit pointless to have a separate account just for writing.

I'm wondering if it might be best to just start uploading here. Gives people one less account to follow, makes it easier to reply and respond to comments for me.

... I dunno hmmm

So, several months ago, I might have mused that I'd start uploading some of my stories here. Naturally it takes a few months for me to get around to anything but I've finally gone ahead and created an account specifically for my writings over at  kaedalwrites. Now, I did have an older account, but I thought having one with my username in it might actually be better... Branding? No, that sounds far too professional. Better for folks to remember, yes!

I'm gonna be uploading a few of my older stories there shortly, so feel free to head on over and give it a watch if you feel like it!

I've uploaded a bunch of my back log of art, and it made me realise I received like... Four images as gifts almost back-to-back from friends last year to the beginning of this year. It feels weird to comment on it, but I do want to really say I appreciate it, and if anyone has ever given me a gift - it doesn't matter how big or small - I bloody hope I can make myself deserving of it.

Aside from the art, I also want to see if I can't get back into writing again. Not just so I can fire stories at friends and be their personal writer if need be, but I'd also like to just... Write more. It's damn relaxing to create, y'know? Fun, and relaxing. I'd even venture the suggestion of one day collaborating with an artist on something bigger, but I feel like that's a pipe dream.

Anyway. ENJOY THE ART! :3

As the more observant ones(that is, probably every one of you x3) has noticed, I've got a new icon.

It's uh. A new form? Sort of like an additional fursona? But it doesn't replace the wolf. It's just now I can switch between this new slynx(snow leopard lynx) and the wolf!

I'm gonna have to upload the ref here at some point, since I've only got it on my Drive and Toyhouse so far.

I... Also have a huge backlog of art to upload. I am very much slacking.

Oops <w<

Wooo! As of... 9 hours ago I'm 26! ^^

Anyway yes. Hello. This is apparently the first journal I've made since February 25 last year.

Oh, and here's a fun one - and I swear I'm not making this up - I actually got a digital letter about some pension stuff today. Really nice coincidence right there x3

ANYWAY! Y'all have a good day :3

(Now I'm gonna go flop in bed for a few hours before nocturnal)

I need a blanket for a-squeezing owo

Well, I was born on the 17th of January 1994. Which means I'm now 25 years old.

And I fortunately haven't been covered in cinnamon yet <w<

So, I've "cleaned" my profile up a bit. I've removed a bunch of icons, because I decided I don't need to display my friends for them to realize they're my friends. Let's be fair - if the only reason someone knew they were my friend was because they were listed on my profile, then I'd be doing a pretty piss poor job of being a friend, no?

I've also added a brief for my fursonas forms that I intend to expand a bit upon, to give people a better idea of them.

And maybe I'll add a bit of elaboration on what subjects interest me and so on.

Also it isn't spring yet so is it technically just shovelling snow? But since it isn't snowing here, is it just shovelling?

... I literally cannot settle on an icon fdjhsgjdfhsfdkjlbvhfjkdlsgfds

I HAVE SO MANY ICONS AND I DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE IS MOST ME

Okay I think I'm gonna use the Lakrust icon for a while >w>

No, I'm not tipsy, you're tipsy!

Entering 2019 in a good mood. Happy, motivated, and hecking stuffed on good food. That's what makes a dragonwolf wag and flap!

Hope you're all having a safe New Years celebration tonight, both those that are currently celebrating and those yet to celebrate <3

So, just to round off those journals, I want to say I'm definitely feeling a whole lot better now.

I've come to the conclusion what I was experiencing wasn't necessarily depression. Not on its own, anyway. I think the amount of stress brought on by the eviction just brought me to my knees and wrecked me psychologically. Ever since moving away, I've been getting better by the day. Already the following day I was doing better.

My nausea is gone. I'm back to eating again(I almost couldn't touch food for the week leading up to the day of moving). I can sleep again. I can play games. I can laugh. I can actually interact with people.

I believe I've already said thanks to a lot of people, but I want to do so again; I received a lot of support, and it meant a lot to me. Seriously. Whether it was a personal message, a comment on a journal, or a reply to a tweet, I read it all and appreciate it all <3

This should be obvious, but I don't want anyone to feel underappreciated. If I've gone quiet, it's nothing personal. I'm not always good at being the first to start a conversation. Sometimes, it's better for others to nudge me or give me a poke. It's the weird dichotomy of being an introvert who wants to be an extrovert x3

Woof. Anyway. For now, I'm just kicking back and enjoying Christmas and New Years Eve. Really looking forward to moving to the new place, and already begun thinking up projects for the new year. Something tells me 2019 is going to be big on cooking for this wolf-dragon :3

Hope you all have happy holidays if you celebrate them, and at any rate a safe, comfortable, and cozy December.

Stay safe out there <3

HECK HECK HECK HECK

Ahem.

I just got back from inspecting the new place and it looks amazing. I've posted some photos on Twitter.

https://twitter.com/Kaedalicious/st.....74718127652864

Yes, it's small. It's no smaller than I'm used to, though, and I don't need a lot of space. Weird as it may sound, I actually enjoy minimalist living. Maximizing use of space. It's fun, it's cozy, and it makes it all feel more personal to me.

What I'm most excited about? The kitchen. My old place had no stove, no oven, and a freaking loud as heck freezer that I never used. This new place will have a good quality fridge-freezer combi, a stove(WITH TOUCH SENSITIVE BUTTONS!), and an oven. That means I can cook to my heart's content now. And you can bet your pretty butts I will. I'm going to be experimenting with so many different dishes that the entire street will smell like a restaurant.

The toilet is a tad small, but the shower looks nice and roomy. It also has a small blocker so that water won't flood the entire bathroom(as it did in my old place <.<).

Gonna get first floor apartment, too, so I can have my window open at night. Heck.

Now, it won't be ready for habitation until January, but that's okay. New year, new place, new me. Well. Old me. More confidence, though. Stronger spine.

Hope y'all are having a good Friday <3

Boop.

This is as much to push that depressive previous journal off the page.

First of all, I really want to thank my friends and everyone who have provided support. Most of you live far away, but that doesn't diminish the meaning of your presence or words. If I have my way, I'll make damn sure to give y'all a good hug in person one day.

Also thank you to those that I don't speak to as often who have left me words of encouragement. I seriously appreciate it. Don't underestimate what a few kind, gentle words can mean <3

So! To update... Still stuck in a rather shitty situation. Fortunately (and I don't want to jinx it) my mind seems to be getting better in regards to moods. I suspect what I had was a stress induced break. My mood does still swing a bit, especially when I'm under extreme pressure and stress, but it hasn't been nearly as bad for the past two or three days.

I'm also fairly certain all of the physical and psychological trouble lately has been because of the extreme stress of eviction. Moving is stressful in and of itself. Eviction is even worse. Eviction when you have grown so attached to a place is terrible.

I suspect I'll still be a bit all over the place for the next while, but hopefully I'll be able to move to the new place sooner rather than later.

I don't like writing shit like this. It makes me feel like an attention whore, but if I don't, I feel like I'm just going to keep falling.

These past two years have been really bad for me. I dropped out of my studies, there was a lot of disease and sickness in my family with a lot of near-death situations. My psyche has been slowly crumbling. I feel like an emotional wreck. I smile, I laugh, and I try to be happy, but inside I sometimes feel like I just want to scream. So I've ceased pretending. I don't care to pretend anymore. When I'm not okay, I won't pretend to be okay. When I feel like I want to scream out, I fucking scream out.

Hence, this journal. I feel like I've been a huge burden on my friends lately. I want to apologise for that. I want to get better. I want to be better. But I'm just so fucked up right now, that I can't. I can't be the friend some of my friends need me to be. For the first time, I have to say no. I have to walk away and accept that I can't help someone who is suffering. I can name names. I can point to the people that I feel I've failed, not just as a friend but as a human being.

But my life is just crumbling around me right now. I've been pretty far down, even turning to alcohol in an attempt to make myself better. It helped, for a bit. That's something I swore I would never do.

So just... Bear with me? I'm hanging in there. I'm fighting. But I might not be myself right now.

I've mostly been posting about this on Twitter, but I realise most aren't following that. So if you have any interest in my personal life, or what's been going on, here's a small update for you!

My current housing situation is past unstable and well into collapsed. This apartment complex - although off campus - requires you to be studying. Unfortunately I haven't been studying for the past year, so I realised I was gonna have to move out sometime. That letter came two months ago. Deadline of December 14. Now, there aren't a lot of housing opportunities here in this city, but there are a bunch of apartments being built down the street. I'm signed up for one of them, but there's no guarantee they're actually gonna be done by December 14. In fact, there's a guarantee they won't be.

It takes me a very long time to get comfortable in a new place. I'll have to move back home for a few weeks, then move again to the new place. I'm fairly certain I won't be sleeping well at all until sometime February. That's not to mention the financial impact this is going to have.

So that's the physical stuff. Then there's the fact all this stress has exacerbated my anxiety. Close friends and acquaintances may have noticed my obsessive-compulsive disorder has gotten worse as of late, and my anxiety has been worse too. Then there's the fact I do suffer from winter depression as well, though the anti-depressants I'm on take the blunt of it. Nevertheless it means more mood swings, and way less energy to do just about anything, so that's fun.

But that's enough whining for now. All things considered, I've still got my intellect and wits.

Well. I've got my wits, at any rate.

I'm curious what are your favourite Discord servers? Preferably furry oriented?

I realised despite having a bunch of servers active, I could easily do with a few more <w<

It has come to my attention that apparently someone has gotten quite happy to use art of my characters for their icons. So, to remove any confusion, these are my accounts so you can always know whether someone is me;

Telegram: Kaedalicious
Discord: Kaedal#9775
Twitter: KaedalWolf

Note that this isn't an invitation to add me - I don't mind getting to know people, but I request that you ask me first. Just courtesy, y'know?

It would take far too long to list absolutely every account I have, but those are the ones I use the most. If you encounter me/someone you think is me elsewhere and you're in doubt, please don't hesitate to ask me here :3

Cheers <3

Well, I was just getting used to writing 23 as my age. Now I need to get used to writing 24. And I need to go and update all my darn profiles everywhere, too.

... I have nothing deep or philosophical to say, except that damn I am very sleepy. I think I'm gonna give myself the present of a good bit of sleep before the sun gets up x3

Cheers!

... Apparently this is the exact same title I used last year, but hey! Why not? x3

But yes; Merry Christmas, happy holidays, and y'all stay safe. If you intend to get drunk, get a designated driver, be with friends or relatives, and make sure you know your limits. If you handle fireworks, do so sober and with protective gear.

Just be safe, yo.